How to politely refuse a person's request

Telling someone “no” is a very difficult task. We all want to seem like good friends and colleagues. Refusal to help can hurt and show you the bad side. And sometimes it’s really better to make an effort and help. But it happens that we are talking about arrogance. Politely refusing a person is a real science. You can learn to do this masterfully, without damaging your reputation. Let's understand the subtleties.

How to learn to refuse people

People who don’t know how to say “no” are too dependent on other people’s opinions. Skilled manipulators subconsciously feel this and can brazenly and shamelessly exploit your work. Before you know the how, understand the why.

Why should a person be able to politely refuse?

People evaluate you the way you evaluate yourself. If you agree to a favor to your detriment, out of modesty, it means that you do not value yourself. Despite your reliability, they will still not respect you.
Essentially, people help others to feel gratitude in return. But if you help others too often, people will think that this is the norm. In other words: what happens too often is no longer appreciated. So why do it a disservice?
Your feelings and desires are important. Every person should have moderate healthy egoism.
The most obvious reason: people often become impudent in exploiting the work of others. You need to grasp this line and in some cases say a firm “no”.
This is necessary for equality of relations. If your friends might ignore your request or suggestion, you might as well do the same.

The ability to politely refuse is a necessity. But how to say “no” without feeling guilty?

You don't always have to refuse. If a person really needs your help, it is better to provide it. Remember the simple truth: “The main thing is not to offend a person.” If a colleague needs to leave early to have a bad tooth treated, then you can stay late at work. After all, the earth is round, one day you will need this person's help. You need to put yourself in the place of another, be kind and merciful. But there is a limit to everything.

Psychologists offer several clever techniques that will help you learn to give a negative response to requests.

Use the word "No"

Everything ingenious is simple. You shouldn't feel awkward. If you are offered something, you can confidently say, “No, thank you,” with a smile. If this is a request and you feel awkward, there is no need to hide your feelings. Say the same phrase confidently, but explain that you are sorry and state the reasons.

If you are afraid of offending, show it. A person needs to know that you value them. Ask if you can do something different.

The word “no” will stop scaring you when you learn to love and value yourself. The affairs of others are not always more important than yours. And they should respect you as much as you respect them. Feeling inferior to others, obligated is wrong. The exception is parents.

Use decisive but polite options

A diagram of how to politely refuse a person looks like this:

When you hear an offer or request, evaluate your options.
If you really can't help, take a breath and confidently voice your negative response.
To smooth out the refusal, you can apologize, explain the reasons for the refusal, and try to find another way out.

Be considerate of others. There is nothing more important than the people in your life. If they contact you, it means they trust you. Appreciate it every time and refuse if you really can't help.

Don't be cunning

Be honest. The bitter truth is better, you will be appreciated more for it. When a person fidgets and fidgets, making up ridiculous excuses as he goes, it looks very false. The attitude towards such a person will be negative. Always choose the honest answer. You are not obligated to explain the details: if the request is not vital, and you feel exhausted, then it is not a sin to refuse just to relax.

Of course, you shouldn’t answer: “Sorry, buddy, I’d rather lie in a warm bath today.” Say that you can’t, that you have something planned for the evening. This information will be enough. And even more so, you shouldn’t come up with stories about how your grandmother is sick, and the cat needs to be taken to the vet, and you’re so sleepy that you have nothing to drink. Lying is a bad option. Not everyone knows how to lie, but the interlocutor can sense a lie intuitively.

Don't keep explaining

Too many explanations look like excuses. People make excuses only when they are guilty. Are you guilty of something? Never make excuses. It is enough to explain once. Give 1-2 arguments. Long explanations will make your interlocutor feel awkward.

Options for refusing without making excuses:

"I can not today. Sorry, I have something planned for the evening."
"No. I can't, sorry. I’m free on Saturday, if you need me, I’m all at your disposal.”
“It won’t work, sorry. Try asking your neighbor."

This information will be enough. Of course, there are exceptions. When people close to you ask you for something. But there is no need to make excuses here either. You can only add that you are very sorry and try together to find another way out of this situation.

Don't be afraid to say it twice

When someone persistently dumps their work on you without really having a good reason for it, that’s arrogance. Unfortunately, she often wins. If a person simply arranges his personal life, forcing you to change plans, and this happens all the time, you can refuse twice.

The second time say: “I’m sorry, I really can’t.” No need to explain. A confident tone and a sympathetic look are enough.

If necessary, say "because"

To convince a person of something, psychologists recommend using “because.” And it is not so important what follows this phrase; it in itself gives the interlocutor the feeling that he has been given a complete, comprehensive answer. This is a technique used in NLP (neurolinguistic programming). He helps large businessmen achieve their goals, and this is how important deals are concluded.

Smile and shake your head

It is appropriate to refuse with a non-verbal sign if we are talking about an offer to attend a party or take on some minor obligations. And it’s completely inappropriate if a subordinate tries to ask you to take time off from attending your funeral. This is how they refuse people they know well. If words are not used, gestures should be unambiguous and confident.

Be adamant

When the impudence of your interlocutor knows no bounds, be serious and adamant. If after your next refusal the interlocutor does not calm down, do not continue listening. Say: “I already voiced the answer. Sorry, I can't." After that, start doing other things to demonstrate that the issue is closed.

If the person does not calm down, ask about the reasons for the persistence. Perhaps the interlocutor has really important arguments. Try to help with advice and find a way out of the situation. Don't be callous and insensitive.

Don't take free samples

As part of mastering the art of refusal, train on those who have the most chutzpah. When they bring you free cosmetics samples, catalogs, or push brochures into your hands on the street, pass by. Shake your head no. A hand gesture gives a good result. Show your palm, shake your head and continue with your business. You are not obligated to help people who have consciously chosen this profession. If you don't need brochures, don't take them. This is the case when your refusal is meaningful and justified. And your simple: “I don’t want” is enough.

Ability to handle different forms of refusal

There are several simple ways that can help on how to refuse a person culturally and without offending him. The most banal, but at the same time the most effective, is to refer to your own employment, especially if this corresponds to reality. In some cases, an acquaintance or colleague may go ahead and ask for one, that is, when you have free time. Experts recommend not giving immediate consent, but warning: it is possible that after finishing the first case, you will have a second, third, and so on.

If the person asking is particularly persistent, you can set a condition for him, for example: “I help you with this, and you do this for me, because otherwise I simply won’t be able to find the time to help you.” This is called “properly killing two birds with one stone.” An acquaintance receives what he asked for; you do not lose anything, and, most importantly, warm relations remain between you.

Refusing does not mean offending

In some cases, you can say a firm “no” without excuses or explanations - when a request is made by an unfamiliar or not very close person. In such situations, even apologizing is not necessary, especially if we are talking about some burdensome or unpleasant things. Tactless individuals may begin to ask to explain the reason for the refusal, but they do this completely unreasonably: you are an adult and should not be accountable to strangers who are not even your friends or relatives. As a last resort, the answer “I can’t help you due to personal circumstances” is acceptable, without detailed explanations.

When someone close to you asks for a favor, of course, it is more difficult to answer the request negatively, but even here there are several options for how to refuse a loved one without offending him. For example, you can say that you simply do not understand the question that is being asked to you, or that you are afraid of solving the problem poorly or incorrectly, because you do not have enough knowledge, experience, or competence. Well-mannered people will never impose a complex matter and will try to turn to someone else who is better versed in the subject.

The main thing is not to give in to persuasion

Sometimes the person asking tries to persuade him to agree in every possible way - through persuasion, entreaties and even blackmail. Once you follow a lead, you will forever open a “loophole” that will be used by unscrupulous acquaintances. With such people you need to behave decisively, and not be afraid to offend them with a refusal: they, in turn, do not think at all about your feelings, and about what they can do to you that is unpleasant.

Psychologists even highlight the point that a request can correctly say a lot about a person: about his character, principles, rules of life. Perhaps a rude request will become a kind of “litmus test” that will make you think about whether you need to continue communicating with this individual.

Refuse...temporarily

Of course, not all requests should be refused; It is important to distinguish between the empty whims of others and truly important requests. In some situations, it is difficult to immediately determine how complex and time-consuming the task will be, and whether it is feasible at all

Experts recommend not to agree instantly, but to take time to think, that is, refuse the person, but temporarily. It is enough to state that you now have more important things to do, and only then, in a calm and peaceful atmosphere, think through all the details of the request and make the right decision.

If it turns out to be quite simple, you can meet halfway, but in the case when it comes to an unpleasant or too difficult issue, you can again culturally refer to being busy or directly declare your reluctance to help, since this will take too much time and effort, so necessary for solving your own issues.

Video response on the topic “How to refuse and not become an enemy” from the “Success” program

Partial "no"

Learning to refuse people without offending them seems difficult at first, but over time, the ability to culturally say a reasoned and firm “no” can become part of your character, freeing up time for more pleasant activities - walks with friends, activities with children, meetings with loved ones. For those who cannot instantly transform from a universal “helper” into a person capable of tactfully refusing, experts recommend learning to do this gradually.

For example, when asked by a neighbor to walk her dog, there are three acceptable responses for “beginners”:

only on certain days of the week
only in good weather
just no more than 15 minutes

On the one hand, you agreed to help, on the other, you took into account your interests and chose the most acceptable conditions for yourself.

How to properly refuse someone

To help or not - that is the question. On the one hand, the request may be another act of disrespect and laziness on the part of a colleague. On the other hand, a person has really important things to do. Any situation can be viewed in two ways.

On the one hand, a colleague asks her to do her work for her, while she goes about her personal business. Isn't it impudence? Or does she think that her affairs are more important than yours? You are also busy - you made an appointment for a manicure.

But there is another side. A colleague is raising her son alone. And on this day he has an important parent-teacher meeting at school. Maybe we should agree and help? Moreover, she will only be gone for a couple of hours.

The first thing to do is decide if you really can't help? Good deeds come back. And it’s also nice. But if the situation is different and you need to refuse in order to get a negligent colleague off your neck, try not to hurt feelings.

How to politely refuse a person’s request without offending:

Emotions only get in the way. Be guided by dry facts.
If you have made a decision, don't hesitate.
Refuse so that they don’t try to persuade you.
Use the magic “because.”
Speak confidently.
Say you're sorry, ask if there's anything else you can do to help.
Offer another option as an alternative.
Try to change the conversation, ask about something distant.

These rules will help you stop making a problem out of refusal. There are other ways.

Remind yourself what it will cost you

Every refusal must be justified. If you are a conscientious person and refuse a glass of water to a “dying person,” this will torment you. It is possible that the situation will soon turn around, and you will find yourself in the place of the one who was refused.

The other side is that you may lose the person's trust. If this is your friend and he really cares about what he is asking for, the argument should be reinforced concrete.

“Sorry, I don’t have any money right now, we bought an air conditioner on credit. There are 4 acres left until salary.”
“I would go to a party with you, but I’m currently treating sinusitis, on antibiotics. And I don’t feel well.”
“No, it won’t be possible to change. Mom is coming, I have to be at the station in an hour. Sorry".

Coming up with such arguments is difficult. Psychologists say that only people with mental disabilities can lie well. Don't take it if you're not sure. And you shouldn’t refuse small things if you risk losing something bigger.

Trust your intuition

People do not always voice the true reasons when making requests. Look carefully at the person. Does he contact you often? Have you asked for such services before? What does he need 500 rubles for? What if you're on medication? Or for groceries? Or a ticket to see your family?

Subconsciously, you will feel whether the person’s situation is important. But in any case, ask what the problem is. This is respect, interest in a person. There are so few people in the world who are interested in others. Even if you cannot help, you will listen and give advice. And this is a lot.

Suggest an alternative

How to refuse gracefully: options for alternative help

“Today I won’t be able to replace you, it’s a very important meeting. But I can ask Natasha. Let's try"?
“I would love to go with you, but today it won’t work out at all. He promised to help his wife. I heard this band is performing tomorrow. Maybe we can reschedule?
“I don’t have any money now, I’m broke. I sometimes re-borrow from Katya until payday. Try to contact her, she won’t refuse.”

Show that you are ready to resolve the issue. But a little differently.

Delegate to someone

Instead of looking for options on how to politely refuse, look for better ways to help the person. If something will save the world, it will not be beauty, but rather kindness. Beautiful people are everywhere. But you won’t find good ones during the day with fire. Be kinder. There are always options. Think about how to solve the problem with which you were approached. And do your best. Think about who can help the person instead of you. Ask yourself to participate in the fate of the one who trusted you.

Negotiate

If you have another opportunity, take it. If a friend asked you to help with the move very suddenly, try to negotiate with a friend so that he can help her instead of you. If you are approached with a request, do everything in your power. Don’t just say: “Ask Vasya,” but ask him yourself. First, ask whether the person would be comfortable with this option. “I won’t be able to today, but my good friend seems to be free. Let's try to contact him."

For whom should an exception be made?

There are several categories of clients who should not be refused . It will cost you more. It happens that a direct loss from one transaction is more than compensated for by indirect profits. Here are a few such examples.

1. Serious corporate client who takes in large volumes. For example, let's say you sell floor cleaner. The purchase price is 10 rubles per bottle. For retail buyers, you make a 50% markup and offer them 15 rubles. And suddenly a company appears on the horizon, ready to buy the product by the carload. But at 9 rubles - below the purchase price. Your manager, who is not prepared for such a turn of events and does not have the information, immediately refuses the deal. It’s clear that you can’t trade at a loss. And he makes a fatal mistake.

The essence of the error is this. Your supplier sells the product for 10 rubles, provided that you buy 5 packs per month. If you take 500 packs, he will happily reduce the price to 8 rubles. Buy 5000 packages - the cost will be close to the purchase price. This is how the market works. As a result, with a B2B client, and with his volume of purchases, you can make much more profit than with a retail one . Explain to managers that such things need to be agreed upon personally with you and not make decisions on their own. But under no circumstances should you refuse outright.

2. Status image client. If suddenly Sberbank wants to buy your detergent, God forbid you refuse such a deal. Just the mention of a leading credit institution in a portfolio or reviews can attract hundreds of clients. If you work with companies of this level, then you are almost equal. Sberbank itself trusts you - what recommendation could be even better? For such clients it is easy to suffer losses. Within reasonable limits, of course. Among managers of large brands there is such a sin: “Be glad that we are working with you at all. This cooperation is more profitable for you than for us. That’s a lot of PR.” Therefore, be more careful.

3. Just a good and loyal customer. Surely there is one among your clients. He always leaves good reviews on reputable resources, even if he just bought headphones for his MP3 player. Sends links from email newsletters to friends. Or maybe he even films reviews of your product and posts them on YouTube. It would be a sin to refuse such a person. Don’t forget: in addition to direct profit from the buyer, there is also indirect profit. If you spare him a penny discount, you risk losing a dozen potential clients. Don't do this.

How to refuse a request

There are a few simple rules that will help you cope with the situation, make the right decision and communicate it correctly. They will teach you how to politely refuse a person's request without being considered evil.

Don't delay

If you are not sure, it is better to say: “No.” Do not reassure a person in vain, otherwise you risk earning a reputation as an unreliable and irresponsible person.

You can change your answer

If you have free time, simply notify the person that you are ready to help if the request is still relevant. This is better than making a promise and not keeping it.

Repeat this often

As part of your refusal training, practice this in front of a mirror. Imagine the situation and rehearse different phrases. Carefully observe facial expressions and gestures. Even if you feel awkward, you should not close yourself by folding your arms over your chest. It turns people off. Turn your entire body, keep your palms open, do not strain. It's an everyday matter.

"What a pity"!

Think about how to correctly refuse a request? The best thing to do is to show that you are truly sorry. No need to pretend to be a robot. You are a person, and you feel according to the situation: awkward. Show that you are frustrated that you cannot help. Add phrases that show feelings.

"Sorry".
"I am so sorry".
"Excuse me please".
"Do not be angry with me".

This will help you not to lose the person’s favor.

Desire to please

You need to understand that you cannot please everyone. Even by helping others, you cannot achieve such an effect. It is natural for everyone to want to be good. But compare your expectations with reality. In fact, it doesn’t matter what they say behind your back. Everyone has their own problems, and you take up so little space in their lives that it’s not worth trying. Therefore, do not expect to be loved for being reliable.

Help as much as possible. If people see that you know how to refuse with dignity, they will subconsciously feel the strength in you. This will command respect. The desire to please is a misunderstanding of human perception processes. Often people do not value goodness, but only use it. Therefore, be guided only by dry facts, and not by your desire to be good for a person.

Get ahead of the request

Psychologists are often asked how to tactfully refuse. They recommend 4 simple steps.

Determine if you can actually refuse. Consult both your conscience and self-respect.
If the request crosses the line into arrogance, still be polite.
Get ahead of the request and hint that you are busy today.
Don't worry or blame yourself after rejection. You have the right to make decisions based on your own desires.

Avoid those who constantly ask for things

There is a category of people who consider it normal to violate personal space and use others. How to politely refuse a person if he is sure that everyone around him should help him? Nothing can be done about it: everyone has their own upbringing, character, worldview. It is also useless to judge them: all people are different. But to avoid awkwardness, it is better to stay away from them. Throughout life you will meet people who do not agree with you in their understanding of important things. They don't need to be corrected, just let them be themselves. Just avoid. You have the right to do this.

White lies

When they persistently try to “ride” you, it’s not a sin to lie. Say you're busy. To be convincing, name a reason that cannot be verified by humans. Something to cover you. It will be a white lie. To save you from blatant exploitation. And this is better than telling a person to his face that he is becoming impudent before our eyes.

"Not now"

An example of how to gently refuse a person without hurting his feelings. Explain that you cannot agree at this time. Explain when you are free. Say you'll be happy to help another time.

How to refuse beautifully and competently

There are several aspects that will help you navigate. The refusal will sound gentle and will help avoid awkwardness on both sides. After all, it’s not only you who are embarrassed to refuse. Imagine how awkward it would be for someone who has been rejected.

"It's not about you, it's about me"

Show the person that he is significant and important to you, that you would like to agree. Sorry, I would like to help and I'm glad you reached out to me. But today I can’t do it.”

"It's not about me, it's about you"

If the request itself is incorrect or contrary to your beliefs, say so. “You know, I’m always at your service. But what you are asking confuses me extremely.”

Show compassion

Show that you are not indifferent to the problems of the person contacted. The phrase “I understand you”, “I would feel the same in your situation” is suitable for this.

State your discomfort

If you can’t help, figure out how to competently refuse a person without offending them. Show that you are uncomfortable. “I know how important this is to you, and I’m ashamed that I can’t help. Sorry, dear."

Let it turn out sweetly, but sincerely, rather than dryly. It is important not to voice the answer and demonstrate your independence. It is important to make it clear that you sympathize and regret. Show that the person contacting you should not feel awkward. Let him be sure that he did the right thing. Take the awkwardness upon yourself. Then you will not only maintain the relationship, but also become a little closer to the person.

What to pay attention to before and during the interview

Before being invited to an interview, you can search for information about the company among your friends and on the Internet. Among the most popular Russian platforms with reviews about working in companies are HeadHunter, “Employee Reviews”, Antijob.net, “Open Employer” from SuperJob, and from foreign countries - Glassdoor. The candidate should be wary of a large number of negative reviews from former employees of the company, a vacancy that has not been filled for a long time, and the dubious reputation of the organization as a whole. If such fears are confirmed, it is advisable to immediately write about refusing an interview.

In the conversation itself with an HR specialist or immediate supervisor, alarm bells should ring:

Listing tasks that do not correspond to the vacancy. For example, if you are initially told that you will need to come up with and launch a new product line, but in the conversation it turns out that it has already been developed, and you need to work with an existing product. Or if the description promises that there is a team and good CRM systems, but in reality there are no employees, and all calculations are entered into Excel.
Non-transparent reward system. For example, if the stated or stated salary is a salary and bonuses, the fixed amount is much less than stated, and the percentage of the annual bonus is not clearly stated.
Setting unrealistic KPIs or shareholder demands. Such requirements may include, for example, completing the construction of a plant in a year, although ten banks have not already approved a construction loan, or doubling sales figures without a team and a marketing budget.

In all these cases, the best choice is to communicate a negative decision immediately at the meeting.

Material on the topic

A slippery topic is a candidate’s public story about an unsuccessful interview at a specific company. Even if during an interview a company employee voiced conditions that grossly violated the labor code - for example, the absence of a written employment contract, answering work calls and letters at any time of the day or night - the publication should be formatted as culturally as possible, without unnecessary emotions and rude expressions. Otherwise, a blog or social media post will only harm the applicant’s personal brand. We know of several cases where authors got personal when talking about people who conducted interviews, and then received a barrage of criticism from other HR specialists and recruiters and earned a negative reputation among them.

How to refuse a job

Work colleagues are a special category. The phrase that rules here is: “A bad peace is better than a good quarrel.” To keep everyone on their toes, completely different people must work harmoniously and support each other. But here too it is important to draw a line. Blatant exploitation of labor is a direct violation of rights and abuse of your kindness. Learn to distinguish an innocent request from impudence on the part of your superiors and colleagues.

"I would like to help you"

When refusing a colleague, be sure to say that you would like to help. You still have to contact more than once. Any team is people connected to each other. You may have to cover for this person tomorrow. Or him - you. You cannot spoil a relationship with a careless word.

If you want your work to be a joy, do not turn it into a battlefield. Let there be not enemies around, but friends. Be responsive, try to say “Yes” to everything. If you doubt the benefits of this method, watch the movie “Always Say Yes.” Don't miss the opportunity to do a good deed, go to an unfamiliar place. The more often you step out of your comfort zone, the easier your life will be.

Use facial expressions and gestures

Sincerity works wonders. Don't be shy in your gestures. Light touches and a sympathetic facial expression will help show your affection. If a person is close to you, hug him and ask him in more detail. If not, it will be enough to touch your hand and wipe a speck of dust from your shoulder. These are also techniques from NLP. They are used to create subconscious intimacy with a person. They are also in the manual on the psychology of romantic love “How to make anyone fall in love with you” by Leil Lowndes. Using this technique, you can refuse in such a way that the person will also respect you.

“I’m flattered, but no thanks.”

By showing your interlocutor that you are pleased with his request or proposal, you will relieve him of the feeling of guilt due to a wasted request. He may not have gotten what he wanted, but he got approval. Subconsciously, the person will understand that he brought you joy with his words. Don't be afraid to show that you appreciate someone's words.

"This is not the best option"

And this is an option for how to delicately refuse a person who is trying to “reinvent the wheel” or is acting incorrectly. If you realize that the request is, to put it mildly, strange, say: “This is not the best option.” And offer another solution to the problem. Listen to the arguments, you may not have complete information. Find a solution together.

When you are approached, it is important to show your participation and help in some way. The fact that you are asked shows that you are trusted. And trust must be justified. This is how authority is created.

“I know this is not the answer you were hoping for.”

Show understanding, show that you didn’t want to upset with your refusal. Watch your emotions. Even if the request seemed impudent to you at first, do not rush to offend the person in return. People do not always understand the true motives and feelings of their interlocutor.

Rejection is hard

It is important to always remember that the best way to refuse a person is to behave with maximum attention, kindness and respect. Behave the way you try to behave in other situations

You may encounter some resentment and anger along the way, however, if you are kind, everything will work out as best as possible for everyone.

Olga Vorobyova | 9.10.2015

| 8983

Olga Vorobyova 10/9/2015 8983

If you don't want to or can't fulfill a friend or relative's request, say one of these phrases. They will help you politely refuse anyone.

I honestly admit: before I didn’t know how to say “no” to people. I helped everyone who asked: friends, second cousins, random fellow travelers, “neighbors” in the grocery line. Their requests were not always easy to fulfill, and often caused me inconvenience.

One day I realized that I needed to learn to say “no.” And if over time I began to refuse strangers without remorse, then with friends and relatives things were more complicated - they could be offended by me because of the refusal.

As a result, through trial and error, I formulated phrases that will help refuse relatives and friends, and do it as politely as possible. Perhaps these words will be useful to you too.

Your offer is extremely tempting, but I can’t do it yet

This phrase is suitable, for example, if family friends invited you and your husband to relax with tents, but you really don’t want to go into the forest because of annoying mosquitoes and lack of hot water. And in general, this type of vacation has not interested you for a long time (probably since you studied at the university).

But you are afraid that refusal will entail unpleasant consequences: your friends will no longer offer you not only a vacation with tents, but also will not invite you to the theater or to fun family gatherings.

I consider this polite form of refusal to be the most successful: you let your friends know that you are happy with their offer, but explain that circumstances are preventing you.

This type of refusal can only be applied a few times. Otherwise, your friends will suspect something is wrong. However, I see two ways out of this situation: admit that you don’t like camping or remember your youth and still take a risk.

I would lend you money, but I have negative experience

Often we have to refuse friends or relatives when they ask to borrow large sums of money. Let me give you an example from life: I always helped my sister out if she didn’t have enough money to buy food before payday. But when she asked me to lend her funds to buy a new car, I tensed up. Yes, I had some savings, but at that time I was planning to go on vacation with the whole family. But my sister most likely would not have managed to return the money on time.

I had to refuse my loved one by saying this phrase. I referred to a real story when a close friend did not pay me back. She disappeared and even changed her phone number. I lost both friendship and money.

My sister understood me and after refusing, she decided to buy a cheaper car. So everyone was a winner.

I can't help you, but I will do it for you...

If you cannot or do not want (by the way, you have every right) to do what a friend or relative asks you to do, you can refuse him just like that. The main thing is to offer a nice bonus in exchange for your refusal.

One day, a friend asked me to bring her a bag of potatoes from the dacha. By that time we had already distributed all the excess supplies. I refused her, but invited their whole family to try my new dish -

Saying “no” correctly

General rules for polite refusal:

Before refusing, consider whether the request is really difficult for you to fulfill. Weigh the pros and cons.
When refusing, don't joke or smile. Speak firmly and confidently.
Try to justify your refusal (unless, of course, your arguments do not offend the person).
When refusing, do so by saying that you are very pleased that the person turned to you for help.
Offer a friend or relative a way out of the current situation.
Avoid words with a negative connotation: “mistake,” “problem,” “failure,” “misconception.”

If it is easy for you to fulfill a request, do what your loved one asks you to do. After all, someday you will have to turn to him for help.

How to tactfully refuse

Society today has become embittered, people rarely worry about the feelings of others. And if you want to earn respect and kindness, start with yourself. Be kind even when they are trying to exploit or hurt you. Everyone has their own motives and everyone experiences their own troubles. Be delicate and tactful.

“Last time it was great”

Try to start a conversation. To prevent your refusal from sounding offensive, talk to your interlocutor. Remember something from your common past. Knowing how to correctly refuse a person is a useful science. Every boss and every parent should fully possess it.

Set your priorities

When you realize that your interlocutor's request puts your relationship on the line, you need to decide what is more important. Friendship is a priceless gift. People who have managed to become wealthy know how important it is to be sensitive to others. Everything in our world is built on relationships. "There is safety in numbers". Except in special cases, choose a person.

"This is impossible"

When you have already used all the arguments, and the interlocutor does not calm down, tactfully explain the reason for the refusal. Use the phrase: "It's impossible." Ask to enter into your position. Be adamant, don't let it seem like you're doubting. Not all requests can be answered positively. Don't forget about the magical "because".

"What an honor for me"

Don't be afraid to seem overly emotional. It's better to overdo it than to underdo it with participation. If it is completely impossible to fulfill the request, say how important it was for you to hear it.

Become less available

Remember the good old phrase: “Who carries the luck, they ride.” If you want to stop being ridden, resolutely take off the reins and step away from the cart. Sometimes this is necessary. Indecision and fear of falling out of favor often push people to agree to a request to their detriment. This cannot be allowed.

Reduce communication with arrogant exploiters.
A short greeting is enough.
Show how busy you are.
Start asking back. Many are sure that everything is owed to them. Turn the situation around. Try not to lead to conflict. Let the person refuse you. Then he himself will be embarrassed to contact you another time.

The ability to refuse another does not mean callousness, but healthy self-esteem if they are trying to exploit you. Don't let yourself or others do this.