Psychology of a teenager: features of adolescence at 12, 14, 15, 16, 17 years old, advice from psychologists for parents of boys and girls, how to cope with crises

It's not easy for parents with teenagers. Unpredictable actions, mood swings, emotional outbursts for no particular reason. But why do children of this age do this? What are the motives and reasons for the teenager’s actions? And most importantly, how to get rid of the problems of adolescence without harming yourself or your own children? How to understand what adolescent psychology is?

Features of the psychology of a 12–13 year old teenager

It all starts at about 12 years old. The young man is freed from childhood illusions. Critical thinking and hormones gradually destroy the naive perception of reality. The teenager loses the feeling of security, the belief that “behind your parents is like behind a stone wall.” The wall suddenly turns out to be made of sand and collapses.

And teenage psychology forces you to frantically search for your own identity. Here you need the help of your relatives. They must find the “good” self. And it’s easy for a teenager to “fall into a bad identity,” because a teenager’s attachments and dependencies form incredibly quickly.

Tips for 17 year old teenage girls

Most often, when girls reach the age of 17, the transition period ends. Parents also feel a certain peace of mind, because their advice to a teenage girl helped her cope with such an important test in their life. After 17, girls experience a decline in raging hormones. Their figure returns to normal. Psychologically, things are also getting better. But this is still no reason to relax.

Mom and adult daughter

After all, the teenager still has to go through a number of tests in choosing a profession. And here you will need the help of family and friends. This help should be not only material, but also moral.

Advice for teenage girls 17 years old:

Try to decide correctly about your profession . It is not necessary to graduate from a prestigious university, as your parents advise. The main thing is to find yourself. Maybe you like another profession. Therefore, ask your parents not to put pressure on you, because each person has his own talents, and these are the ones that should be used to earn money.
Don’t ask the question bluntly if your family doesn’t understand you. Give them time to realize that you have grown up and have your own views on life. Gradually explain to them the essence of your meaning in life. All people need time to understand another person. Move slowly and steadily towards your goal without stopping.
Keep in touch with your parents, do not abandon them in difficult times, no matter where you are. All quarrels are temporary, your loved one will understand you over time and accept you for who you really are.

Here you can also read tips on various topics, for example:

How to win people over?
How to love a man correctly?
How to deal with stress and depression?
Why is it important to be able to forgive people?
My husband beats me, what should I do in this situation?

Psychological characteristics of adolescents - fundamental changes in everything

At the age of 12–17, a person actively develops: the skeleton grows, the vocal cords change, and sex hormones begin to be released.

The main changes occur in the brain. This is the root of the problem, the reason why teenagers are so unstable. The evolutionarily “newer” part of the cerebral cortex, responsible for critical thinking, the ability to plan, and act thoughtfully, “matures” later than the limbic system, which regulates the emotional sphere. This ancient part of the human brain is formed earlier. That is why in the behavior of a teenager, impulses and emotions dominate over reason.

Sex hormones are the main “weapon” of the limbic system to fight the rational part of the brain. Testosterone, the estrogen of teenagers, can completely drown out the voice of reason. Alas, these hormones not only arouse interest in people of the opposite sex, but also cause a desire to attract attention. Testosterone and estrogen are also the culprits of emotional swings, anxiety, and conflict. Well, together with the hormones of pleasure and stress (dopamine, adrenaline), they contribute to the emergence of a bunch of mental problems. It is the excess of hormones that is the main reason why bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and other severe mental illnesses begin much more often during adolescence than in other periods of human life.

Important! Puberty is an inevitable phenomenon. There is no point in fighting masturbation and passion for strawberries. But in order for children to understand what is happening, parents must explain about the features of human reproductive organs and the importance of safe sex. This will protect you from unwanted early pregnancy and dangerous sexually transmitted diseases. If it’s difficult to talk, you should at least provide a link to the necessary information. The Internet is replete with it. Psychological problems of adolescence are one of the popular topics of discussion.

Responsibilities in the family and rights of a child at 14 years old

The onset of the 14th birthday significantly changes the legal status of a teenager. He receives a passport of a citizen of the Russian Federation and his rights to:

Independent recourse to court.
Request for cancellation of adoption.
Consent to change your citizenship.
Hiring for light work and shortened working hours.
Reward for your work and annual paid leave.
Disposal of personal earnings (without parental consent).
Conducting small household transactions.
Making deposits.
Joining trade unions.
Participation in youth public associations.
Consent to medical intervention.
Marriage, if this is provided for by law in the region of residence.

The child also has copyright to any result of his creativity or intellectual activity.

On the other hand, the list of responsibilities is expanding, which include:

fulfillment of labor duties;
conscientious performance of work;
compliance with labor discipline;
compliance with the charter and rules of the youth association.

In the family, the teenager retains the same rights and responsibilities that were previously available. The child must receive an education, obey his elders, and provide them with all possible help. And parents need to create favorable conditions for their son or daughter for learning and full development.

Fourteen year olds are held accountable for committing offences. They may be expelled from the school for gross and repeated violations of its charter. Children bear independent civil liability for damage caused (and are required to compensate for it), property liability for concluded transactions, and disciplinary liability for violations of labor discipline. Criminal liability is provided for committing serious crimes.

Low-income families continue to receive benefits for a minor child. It is paid until the age of 16 (or until the age of 18 if the teenager continues to attend school).

The child must have a clear understanding of his legal status. Therefore, parents need to read the laws (civil, criminal, labor code) with him and explain to him new rights and responsibilities.

Formation of one's own self

A full-fledged human self is often born in pain. It all starts with finding role models. A teenager does this all the time, comparing his own self with parents, peers, teachers, and idols.

Soon the teenager realizes that he differs little from adults, although he is forced to obey his elders almost meekly. From here arises a conflict, a desire to free oneself from the incomprehensible tutelage of “people like oneself.” The child begins to copy adults - acts, dresses in a similar way, drinks alcohol, tries to talk as equals, argues.

However, the psychology of a teenager does not yet clearly separate his own personality from others, and has little understanding of where the boundaries lie between personalistic identity and the outside world. This is why a teenager acts disrespectfully towards others and violates the rules of the adult world.

The inconsistency of the age of 12–14 also lies in the fact that the opinion of adults, against whom he rebels, is important for the youth. Moreover, parents still remain the main role models for their children. Therefore, it is important for elders to set a good example. If parents are impatient, love to make trouble, judge, and complain, it is not surprising that a teenage child will begin to do the same.

Mental processes associated with determining future professional activity

During adolescence, professional and personal self-determination is carried out. In accordance with the concept of I.S. Kona, professional self-determination is divided into a number of steps.

Child Game. Trying on the role of a representative of various professions, the child “plays out” some elements of behavior associated with them.
Teenage fantasy. A teenage child imagines himself in the role of a profession that interests him.
Approximate choice of profession. When considering specialties, young people are initially guided by their interests - “I’m interested in mathematics. I’ll be a math teacher,” then abilities — “I’m good at learning a foreign language. I’ll become a translator,” and then the value system: “I want creative work.”
Practical decision making. A specific choice of specialty is made, which includes the following components: the choice of a specific profession and the determination of the level of qualifications of the work, the duration and scope of preparation for it.

The choice of profession is determined by social and psychological conditions. Social conditions include the educational level of parents—their higher education increases the likelihood that their children will desire to study at a higher educational institution.

Components of psychological readiness for self-determination:

development at a significant level of psychological structures - the foundations of a civil and scientific worldview, theoretical thinking, developed reflection, self-awareness;
the formation of needs that contribute to the meaningful fulfillment of the individual - the need for work, communication, to take an internal position as a member of society, time perspectives, value orientations, moral guidelines;
the emergence of prerequisites for individuality, which is facilitated by the awareness and development of one’s own interests, abilities and a critical attitude towards them.

Professional self-determination is extremely difficult and is determined by several factors: age; level of aspirations and level of awareness.

Social aspects are essential for developmental psychology. For the most part, personal qualities are very ambiguous and determined by social environmental circumstances. Thus, to characterize age, it is necessary to take into account both social and psychological data.

During adolescence, in the pattern of self-awareness, the process of reflection sharply intensifies - the desire for self-knowledge of one’s own personality, for the assessment of its abilities and capabilities - this condition is a required condition for self-realization. The subject of attention and careful study are one’s own thoughts, aspirations and desires, and experiences. In youth, a strong tendency towards personal self-affirmation is formed - the desire to show one’s own originality, to be different from others, to stand out in some way from the general mass of elders and peers.

When choosing a specialty, the level of awareness of young people about themselves and their future profession is important. In most cases, young people are poorly informed about the labor market, the content, nature and conditions of work, professional, personal, business qualities that are required when working in any specialty - this leads to a negative impact on the correct choice.

When choosing a profession, the level of personal aspirations, which includes an assessment of abilities, objective capabilities - what a person can actually do - becomes important.

Professional orientation is part of social self-determination; as a result, a successful choice of profession will be when young people combine social and moral choice with reflection on the nature of their “I” and the meaning of life.

Features of the cognitive sphere that are important when making decisions during a professional career are relativism, decentrism, and an individual’s openness to change. And also, the ability to plan, the absence of dogmatism and rigidity, a sense of action, information secrecy, integration and differentiation, creativity, a sense of alternativeness. These individual qualities, in accordance with professional activity, are manifested in the following personal characteristics:

ability to analyze information from the professional sphere;
the ability to analyze information about oneself in the language of professional activity;
the ability to build professional plans suitable for implementation.

An integral condition for professional planning for young people is the awareness and establishment of life values.

Thus, a professional project represents the unity of affective and cognitive components, the unity of continuity and discontinuity in the course of personal development.

Communication is the main value

In the company of friends, a teenager truly socializes independently for the first time, occupying a certain place in a youth group, meeting peers of the opposite sex. Often the opinions of friends become very important. If friends drink alcohol, the teenager is ashamed to remain sober. However, the teenager is characterized by strong inconstancy, constantly searching for his own identity. Friends, companies, passions, idols can change often. And this is one of the features of adolescence, the psychology of a teenager.

Advice for girls 15 and 16 years old

Communication between teenage girls and boys
Starting from the age of fifteen, girls can grow almost 10-13 centimeters in one year . Therefore, disproportion of the body may appear. This is often why complexes arise. Girls think that they look ugly, and at school their peers notice this, which can lead to ridicule. Which really hurts one's self-esteem.

The girls look a little awkward. This leads to stiffness in movements, uncertainty and clumsiness develop. Therefore, advice to teenage girls from adults on how to survive this period will come in handy.

Advice for girls 15-16 years old:

It is not advisable for girls to go on diets during their growth period . Not only does the body expend enormous effort on growth, but girls also torment it with hunger. As a result, in addition to health problems, problems also arise with mood. And few people like hostility and negativity. Therefore, this directly affects communication with peers.
It's better to go to a sports center and play some kind of sport . Thus, train your body and modify it by developing muscle mass, and find new friends.
Most often during this period, girls begin to pay attention to the opposite sex. And here it’s important to learn how to communicate with guys. Remain yourself in any situation , if a young man does not appreciate your principles, do not try to please him. You can have nothing in common with such a person.
Girls look at themselves in the mirror and are rarely happy with their reflection. After all, everyone would like to please the opposite sex and receive compliments. Don't judge yourself harshly, start taking care of your body, use cosmetics, wear suitable clothes for your figure. Not everything that is fashionable is always beautiful. You should create your own individual image. If you are not sure that you can cope with this, then ask your mother for help, or even better, a makeup artist.

The danger of being outcast

It is adolescence that manifests itself with all its force into intolerance and unwillingness to help someone who is very different. If a teenager has problems with appearance, expect trouble. There will definitely be those who will laugh, others will support “for the company.”

Such problems are not uncommon among teenagers. They are an important psychological characteristic of adolescence. Due to rapid hormonal changes in the body, 12-14 year olds often develop skin diseases and excess weight. Boys suffer from uncontrollable erections.

Becoming an outcast is very dangerous for a teenager. Everything can end not only in isolation, depression, neuroses, but even in real tragedy - a suicide attempt.

Remember! Boys' adolescence is more turbulent. They get out of hand more often than girls. Teenage boys are characterized by extreme self-confidence and the desire to contrast their own views with the opinions of others. However, contradictions remain. Individualism and isolation strangely coexist with conformism and dependence on the opinion of “one’s own” group.

Teenage boys more often begin to become very interested in something - they become “nerds”, athletes, musicians. At the same time, the teenager greatly exaggerates his own capabilities. A 12-year-old boy is endowed with the finest psychology. It's easy to break it.

Advice from a psychologist girl 10-12 years old

Adolescence is not only a person’s psycho-emotional state. It directly depends on the functionality of the endocrine system. It is during this period that hormones are formed in the body of adolescents in increased quantities. Not only adults should know this; it is advisable to inform girls themselves about this condition so that they understand why they have a changeable mood and a disturbed emotional background.

Development of girls 10-12 years old

Thanks to the production of estrogen, from the age of 10-12 years the figure of teenage girls changes. This is noticeable visually, thus the first signs of sexual development appear. Certain changes may also develop that can irritate girls and cause them a lot of unpleasant problems:

Due to excessive production of fat by the sebaceous glands, a rash appears on the skin of the face .
Hormonal changes in the body affect the manifestation of excessive sweating , so you should follow the rules of hygiene.
Another unpleasant factor is excessive hair greasiness . This deficiency can be eliminated only by daily measures to care for the strands.

Naturally, the girl herself will not be able to cope with such problems. Mom's help will come in handy. Her advice to teenage girls on the use of various pharmaceutical or cosmetic products will be needed by the child. After all, girls always care about their appearance. And acne can greatly ruin a teenager’s reputation at school and lower a child’s self-esteem.

Tips for girls 10-12 years old:

As a result of all these problems, girls may experience anxiety, which is caused by complexes. overcome anxiety with meditation and proper breathing techniques. First, you need to relax and straighten your shoulders. Then inhale and exhale slowly. This practice helps restore balance.
Try not to pay attention to irritants , who every now and then will actively try to do dirty tricks on you. Know how to resist the stupidity of the weak.
Work on yourself every day , start eating right, following a daily routine, spending time actively by running, swimming or other sports. Then all problems will automatically fade into the background.

IMPORTANT : To avoid problems with skin and hair for the girl. You will need to introduce more vegetable products and fruits into your diet. Find remedies to eliminate skin and hair imperfections. Limit the consumption of all fatty foods, fast food and sweets, which contribute to acne and oily hair.

Psychology of adolescence: appearance is the main enemy

For 13-14 year olds, appearance often becomes the main measure of everything. Fat people or those who are "wimpy" often become "outsiders" and an object of ridicule.

For girls, cosmetics, hairstyles, perfumes, clothes in general become a real fetish. Often the desire to be like idols, an extremely critical attitude towards one’s own appearance causes eating disorders and fear of getting fat. Therefore, it is important to instill in your children in a timely manner (while they are listening) the correct attitude towards food. Then for children food will become a source of energy and pleasure.

Remember! The diet of teenagers should be rich in zinc. Otherwise, the body will stop producing the required amount of serotonin. It regulates mood, protects against outbursts of anger and depression. The teenage body often contains little zinc, since this substance is actively consumed by the rapidly growing skeletal system.

In addition, due to its lack, the body of teenagers is filled with dopamine. This hormone makes you look for adventures and do rash acts. It is not difficult to determine whether there is a lack of zinc - white dots on the nails will tell you.

What happens to a child during adolescence

Adolescence refers to the period from 12 to 17 years. It is at this time that the child’s behavior sharply becomes contradictory, unpredictable and protest. The child’s physical and mental state, his attitude towards himself and the world around him change.

The following aspects are undergoing the most dramatic changes.

Body . During adolescence, the bodies of boys and girls begin to actively produce sex hormones. Because of this, the growth and development of the child’s body is significantly enhanced. There is a sharp growth spurt, body proportions change, and puberty begins. A teenager is no longer a child, but not yet an adult.
Mood . Hormonal surges make a teenager's mood extremely unstable. It changes dramatically for no apparent reason. Joy instantly turns into resentment, euphoria gives way to rage. Not every adult can cope with such leaps.
Relationships with parents . Adults are frightened by the changes happening to their son or daughter. Many people do not understand how to behave correctly and begin to contradict themselves. On the one hand, they continue to tell the teenager what to do in a commanding tone (“sit down and do your homework,” “be home by 9,” “clean up your room,” etc.). And on the other hand, they begin to demand from him adult responsibility and independence (“at your age I was already a candidate for master of sports,” “think about your future yourself,” etc.).

The changes occurring in the child frighten parents. They don’t know how to react to their teenager’s defiant antics, his deliberate rudeness, and reluctance to communicate. But with such behavior the child tries to hide his weaknesses, cope with awkwardness and shyness. He strives with all his might to become an adult and independent.

Therefore, dear parents, it is normal for a teenager if he:

refuses to talk about his day at school;
began to spend more time in the company of friends;
asks not to enter his room without knocking on the door;
prohibits tinkering with his personal belongings (closet, briefcase);
began to study worse;
shirks from household duties;
often changes interests (trying to draw, then take photographs, then play the guitar, then write poetry and songs, etc.);
reacts too emotionally to your comments;
begins to keep a diary (mostly girls 13 years old and older).

The teenager is not doing this out of spite or to spite you. He’s just trying to get to know himself, form his personality, understand what’s happening to him. He no longer cares about school grades or parental approval. What becomes much more important is how he looks, what his status is in the team and how the opposite sex reacts to him.

So, dear parents, be patient and show miracles of wisdom to easily survive this difficult period together with your vulnerable, vulnerable and defenseless teenage child.

Remember yourself at his age: what you were interested in, what you dreamed of, who you were friends with and communicated with, how you spent your free time from school, how you studied at school. Try to feel that state again, at least a little, to experience those emotions. You were just like your teenager. You understand your daughter or son.

This is the most important thing to understand in order to maintain a trusting relationship with your growing child. There is no need to go on the warpath with him, conclude a peace treaty and learn to communicate correctly.

Psychology of a 14-year-old teenager: advice to parents

The role of parents for a 13–14 year old child is enormous. They are the ones who are able to make sure that the child’s sense of responsibility is clearly linked to reward or punishment. Parents can become that “constructive beginning” in the lives of teenagers, which will help them gradually gain self-esteem and eliminate the desire to fight with adults.

The main thing is not to slide into an angry rejection of the child, to begin to see him as a fiend of hell who deliberately does only harm. You need to learn to hear the teenager and make reasonable compromises. Then you will gradually be able to regain your lost authority.

Remember! Many 13-14 year olds, due to active restructuring of the body (and not just the habit of staying awake at night, walking with friends, hanging out on social networks), find it difficult to get up in the morning and fall asleep early. Therefore, it is wrong to reproach a teenager for sleeping before lunch on a weekend day. There is no laziness here - the teenager simply wants to sleep off the entire past week.

Intellectual development

A teenager of 14–16 years old is already a practically formed intellectual personality who has his own opinion on various issues. Teenagers are quite capable of reasoning, expressing their thoughts, and giving reasons for them. More and more time in their lives begins to be taken up by serious matters, and less and less time is allocated to rest and entertainment. Logical memory begins to actively develop. Due to the appearance of new academic subjects at school, the amount of information that a teenager must remember increases significantly.

New psychological phenomena at 14–16 years old

A teenager, of course, does not have the experience of parents. However, at 14–15 years old, the child’s logical and analytical abilities are almost the same. Therefore, a teenager poorly perceives the orders of his relatives when he does not see any logic in the commands.

Teenagers of this age are very aware of insincerity. If parents feel angry because of their child’s behavior and say that they are offended, then the teenager will immediately feel that they are not being honest with him. Psychology is a boring concept for teenagers. But it is she who develops their intuition and sensuality.

Physical development at 16 years old

The differences between the sexes are never more obvious than around the age of 16. Girls begin to slow down in physical development, and boys are sometimes just starting. 1

If you have a son, expect physical changes to continue, such as rapid growth in height and growth of facial hair. That being said, you may find that your teen—of either gender—sleeps more and eats more to keep up with this growth. Additionally, shifts in their circadian rhythm cause them to stay up late and sleep in the morning.

Major milestones

He needs more sleep and his bedtime is changing.
Continues to grow and develop physically, and boys begin to develop facial hair.
Takes care of appearance and comfort, especially for girls

Advice for parents

Talk about expectations, risks and opportunities without shying away from hot-button topics like drugs, alcohol and sex. 1 Express your position on issues by saying something like: “I expect you to call me to pick you up if there is drinking at the party.”

First true love, search for a calling

14-17 year old teenagers usually not only date peers of the opposite sex, but actually fall in love. At this age, a full-fledged sex life most often begins (more than “hugs and kisses”). Then the teenager begins to gradually “betray” his group, look at his friends more critically, and look for true friendship, where trust and common interests are important, not hierarchy or status.

However, everything is not limited to love and friendship. Many 15-year-olds are no longer satisfied with quickly boring hobbies. They want to find a calling. At the same time, the future still seems cloudless.

When a teenager finds his calling (or thinks so), he is filled with ambition and the desire to “turn the world upside down.” The psychology of a 16–17 year old teenager is structured in such a way that he is confident that he will achieve outstanding heights in his favorite activity without any problems. Gradually, gaining experience and becoming an adult, a person begins to look more realistically at his own prospects and capabilities.

Peculiarities of behavior of teenagers 16 years old

For teenagers, 16 years is not just a difficult age, but a time to express oneself in the world as an independent person. Young people strive to demonstrate their knowledge in practice; it is natural that they want to gain some financial independence and become independent. Parents need to realize that their child is almost an adult and has the right to express himself.

The inner world of a young man acquires depth, interest in philosophical and spiritual issues, the problem of life and death appears.

If a teenager’s personality develops in the right direction, he tries to show concern for loved ones and provide patronage. A positive character trait is responsibility for one’s actions and the desire for self-improvement. In order for development to go in this direction, parents should make a lot of effort to raise their children at an earlier age.

Emotionality in this age period becomes more restrained, the tendency to impulsive actions and aggression decreases. It becomes easier for parents to establish mutual understanding and contact with their child. You should definitely take advantage of this advantage.

A more critical perception of one’s own actions, interest in “global” problems

14-15 year old teenagers begin to leave the small world of subjective perception of reality and evaluate their own actions more critically. Teenagers already know how to put off pleasure “for later” and understand that benefits must be earned. There is less egocentrism in actions.

Many “almost adults” are beginning to become interested in global issues, trying to understand why some countries are more successful than others, how the economy works. This helps to “reconcile” with parents, who can regain authority if they are well versed in such issues. Moreover, a 15–16-year-old teenager already thinks less categorically and is ready to treat opposing opinions more calmly.

How to survive adolescence with a difficult teenager: advice from a psychologist

Many parents clutch their heads when their children turn 12-13 years old. Obedient boys and girls become rude, impudent, and deny all rules and family guidelines. There are exceptions, of course, but they are in the minority. Tatyana Svetova, a psychologist in the social sphere of the Social Rehabilitation Center, talks about the typical problems of modern teenagers, the causes of their conflicts with parents and ways to overcome them.

PERIOD OF STORM AND DRUG

— Tatyana Romanovna, what changes happen to a child during adolescence?

— Adolescence is a difficult time for both children and their parents. The mood and behavior of a teenager often changes; he is sometimes excited, sometimes apathetic, sometimes open, sometimes closed. A teenager is trying to get used to the turbulent world of relationships outside the family. He needs to feel that his parents support him. If there is no acceptance and a sense of security, then the result can be aggression directed towards oneself or outward.

Adolescence is often called adolescence, transition, the period of “sturm and stress”, “hormonal explosion” and puberty (from the Latin Pubertas

- puberty). Difficult time. There is a transition from a child to an adult in all spheres: physical, physiological, personal (moral, mental, social).

— Can parents notice that something wrong is happening to their child?

- At this age, children rarely open up to their parents. So even if something happens to a child, adults see the now familiar picture: their son or daughter is in a bad mood, locks himself in his room, and when asked, answers: “Everything is fine, leave me alone.” It is important not to miss the moment if a teenager turns from an ordinary adult into a “difficult” one.

During the period of personality formation, a radical change in behavior, previous interests, and relationships occurs. Changes are fast, violent, spasmodic. This causes strong feelings that the teenager cannot explain. Much is unclear in the adult world. How to fit into it? Leo Tolstoy described these tossing as “the deserts of adolescence”; their essence is in enormous energy, rushing out to declare itself.

APPLE FROM APPLE TREE?

— Many parents worry: “We raised the child wrong if now he behaves this way!” We are bad parents! How should they be?

— For a child, parents are the most important and important people. The personal example of mom and dad influences children more than anything else. Lacking his own experience and knowledge, the child copies adults. The child sees how attentively and respectfully parents treat each other and how they solve problems.

Remember yourself in adolescence, and it will be easier to understand your son or daughter. Joint work, leisure, and hobbies with parents help the child develop responsibility, independence, and attentiveness. Adults must show the teenager that his opinion matters, that he is taken into account.

The teenager's relationship with his parents is being restructured. Teenagers often criticize their parents' lifestyle, their attitudes, and values. It becomes more and more difficult to communicate with the child, conflicts arise. A teenager is guided by adults who are authoritative for him, but his ideal is not always his father or mother.

— How to react correctly if parents catch a child with a cigarette or find out that he is using drugs?

— The first rule: behave with dignity. Despite everything. You are an adult and have no right to panic and hysteria. There is no need to scream, demonstratively drink Valocordin and grab your belt. First, understand the situation. Sometimes there are cases when a child is forced by his peers to use psychoactive substances (PAS) - perhaps he was threatened or beaten.

It is very important to maintain trust. If you are hysterical, the child will simply withdraw into himself and push you away. Find strength within yourself and try to become an ally, not an enemy.

Next: stop blaming yourself for everything. Your child is already quite an adult and the use of prohibited substances is his choice and responsibility. Out of his own stupidity and arrogance, he began to use surfactants, knowing about the harm.

Limit financial support. The child must understand that your money is not his money. Never give in to blackmail or manipulation from a child. Don't be boring. Endless conversations, accusations, and moralizing conversations are absolutely useless and can only give the opposite effect. Any, even negative, talk about drugs evokes memories of them.

Don't overuse threats. If you promise something, do it. Don't make unnecessary threats. The child is well aware that you will not carry out many of your threats and lets them fall on deaf ears.

Allow your child to stop using substances on their own. And if he makes up his mind, support him and find a qualified specialist.

— How can parents cope with adolescence?

— Some important tips that can really help:

Don't spoil your child.
Don't be afraid to be firm.
Be consistent.
Don't make promises you can't keep.
Don't give in to provocations.
Don't be offended when your child says he hates you.
Don't make your child feel younger than he really is.
Do not correct your child in the presence of strangers.
Don't read the notations.
Don't try to pretend to be ideal parents, be yourself and try to become better.
The most important thing is to love your child, no matter what. Be a true friend to him.

“A LOT DEPENDS ON THE ATTITUDES IN THE FAMILY”

— How do you assess the harm to teenagers from negativity in the media, social networks, films, and aggressive computer games?

— To draw a direct connection between any cultural phenomenon and a child’s behavior means greatly simplifying the matter. A child is influenced by many factors: family, school, friends and parents, random conversations around him, his observations. Different people react to the same TV program in completely different ways. Much depends on what values he learned in early childhood - primarily from his parents.

— Should we be wary of destructive teenage groups on social networks?

— Modern children live on the Internet. The format of virtual communication is more familiar to many than face-to-face conversation. The problem of destructive groups on social networks is very real. Such communities are popular because teenagers look to them to satisfy their interests. Anything that smells of mystery and threat attracts teenagers. Often children hang out in these groups due to lack of attention from their parents.

Many mothers and fathers think that they work, provide for their family, and that devoting time to their child is not necessary. As a result, children are looking for ways to have fun online.

Parents need to monitor what their children are looking for on the Internet and what online communities they visit. But the main thing is to spend more time with the child, organize interesting leisure time together. Try to understand him, be able to listen, and be sincerely interested in his life.

— How can parents cope with adolescence? How can psychologists help here?

— The teenage period can be called the second birth of the personality, when a tendency toward independence, introspection, a desire for communication, and self-education appears.
These are positive characteristics of overcoming the teenage crisis. Social rehabilitation psychologists provide psychological, preventive, career guidance and correctional assistance to adolescents. We provide advice on how to improve relationships with your family. This is a lot of work to develop tolerance, find common ground, mutual understanding with parents, get rid of excessive guardianship or, conversely, connivance, inflated demands and expectations. For reference, the State Budgetary Institution SRC “Vozrozhdenie” is the only institution in Moscow that specializes in rehabilitation and preventive care for minors and their families who find themselves in difficult life situations due to the use of narcotic drugs or psychotropic substances without a doctor’s prescription, or who use intoxicants or alcohol. In addition, since 2018, the Center’s psychologists have been working with minors who have had a conflict with the law.

Press service of the Department of Labor and Social Protection of the Population of Moscow

How to behave correctly with a teenager?

It is important to maintain a middle ground between “freedom and necessity.” Doesn't become a dictator giving commands. The main thing is that such tactics are completely ineffective, because a teenager is not a small child for whom parents are the highest authority.

Firstly, the teenager may obey, but reluctantly. And secondly, a teenager who is accustomed to obeying his parents will not learn to independently look for solutions to problems and will not acquire leadership qualities.

However, it is also impossible to give a teenager unlimited freedom. Otherwise, the teenager will have problems with a sense of responsibility. Parents must clearly outline the boundaries of what is permitted. It is important that the teenager agrees with these limits, accepts them, and understands why they are needed.

At the same time, parents should take into account the interests of the child and rudely not impose their own understanding of boundaries. It is stupid, for example, to try to prove that littering in your own room is a “crime.” A teenager perceives the mess “in his native territory” differently than his relatives. In his mind, it doesn’t fit in any way with the “mess in his head.” The teenager simply believes that he has the right to decide for himself whether to clean the room or not. For him, it is a matter of personal choice, not “morality.” This often manifests itself in adolescents aged 15 and is more typical for the psychology of boys.

Cognitive development

Your child no longer thinks about his life. During adolescence, teenagers begin to think about how the whole world works and how their lives fit into it. They learn abstract thinking—thinking about what is and what could be—and improve their reasoning and problem-solving skills.

Speech and language

Sixteen-year-olds can, for the most part, communicate like adults. At school, they can understand both concrete and abstract ideas, fully understand punctuation and grammatical rules, and write and read complex sentence structures. 3

Play

Teenagers are often overscheduled, which is not necessarily conducive to their development. They need free time to pursue interests, be it art, sports or anything else, as well as time to rest and relax without any expectations. During this time, they may choose to relax by watching TV, reading books, or playing video games.

Major milestones

Changes language and behavior in school, home and other settings
Demonstrates certain work habits
Explains the reason for his thoughts or decisions.

Advice for parents

There is not one future life path that is "best" for every teen, but your 16-year-old may need help exploring all the options before them, including going to college or not going to college, and how the choice will affect their future. . So help your child plan for life after school.

Useful hobbies

A teenager, no matter how much he rebels, still subconsciously continues to imitate his parents in many ways and maintains a spiritual connection. This feature of the teenager’s psyche needs to be used and interested in a useful activity. Teenagers are addicted people, it’s not difficult to do this. Depending on the child’s character and abilities, he may like:

active team sports. Teenagers love group recognition. And where, if not in basketball, football, volleyball is it easiest to win it? Plus, team sports are a great way to “dump” excess hormones;
for those who like to create with their hands, modeling is suitable;
Teenagers with leadership abilities and a desire to serve society can try to become a member of a youth organization based on their interests. There the child will learn to interact “constructively” in a large group, make a feasible contribution to the common cause, and lead;
for girls, courses on makeup, hairstyles, and clothing design are suitable;
Teenagers who love to share their own experiences with others can be helped to become video bloggers.

Own position

So how can you reach a teenager who withdraws into himself, snaps, but at the same time often suffers and really dreams of love and recognition? Help form your opinion about the world and people, do not impose your experience.

To find the key to understanding with a child of adolescence, it is important to remember: he is no longer a child in the literal sense of the word. The complexity of the situation lies precisely in the “transition” of this period. Do not prevent your daughter or son from “breaking” the established foundations in the family or communication. Let him or her gain the experience he or she needs, because only in this way will a “cumulative” effect occur and the person becomes an adult.

However, it is important to let the teenager know that you are always there to support, encourage and help. Talk to him, but don't intrude, just be there, pay attention. A feeling of security and reliability is a surefire recipe for reducing anxiety and solving the problem of possible suicide, breakdowns or any worries. If the family environment is harmonious and stable, the stresses of the late school period will not be a big test for children and their environment.

How to talk to a teenager?

Many teenagers tell psychologists that they would like to spend more time talking with their parents. But they “don’t hear” them and condemn their hobbies and lifestyle. And therefore there is no desire to communicate. So you need to try to understand the hobbies of your children. Even when their addictions make you sick.

Denying reality is absolutely useless. But if you accept the child’s interests, you can gradually establish contact. Then the child will pay more attention to what interests you.

When something makes you angry, starting to attack the child and condemning is the most losing strategy. So, as soon as you turn a teenager against you, he will no longer have the desire to seek advice. Of course, judge, but indirectly, find a convenient moment. For example, you can first praise the child for something, show your affection, and then move on to gentle criticism and wishes. Also, from time to time (without intrusiveness), remind them that you are ready to listen and help. Then the child will understand: he has reliable support. He will be less likely to seek outside support.

Remember! Parents should always be prepared to accept the specific style of communication characteristic of teenagers (especially boys) - not to be surprised by sarcasm, ridicule, rudeness, and monosyllabic answers. What is important here is patience, understanding that until the teenager begins to completely trust, he will not begin to talk normally.

Social development at 16 years old

Sixteen-year-olds are ingrained in a social world that includes friendships and romantic relationships. They spend less time with their families and more time with their friends or dating interests, or they may choose to spend more time alone than they are used to. 1

Teenagers often have strong sexual desires and may become sexually active. At the same time, they may become more aware of sexual orientation and their preferences.

Major milestones

Enters deeper platonic or romantic relationships in search of intimacy
Shows signs of confidence and increased resistance to peer pressure
Learns about sexual orientation

Advice for parents

Talk to your teen about being forced to have sex 2 regardless of gender. Forbidding romantic relationships or burying your head in the sand around your child's puberty can backfire. Instead, communicate your expectations and have open conversations about sexual desire, sexting, and consent.

6 facts about sexting every teenager should know

Conversation with teenage boys

Teenage boys perceive auditory information worse than girls. Therefore, psychologists advise parents (when they need to have a serious conversation with their son) to hold his hand or lightly touch his shoulder, look into his eyes. Then not only hearing is involved, but also other senses.

Eye contact is important, since young people perceive information more effectively with their eyes than with their ears. You need to speak in a calm, friendly tone. Short sentences and pauses are better perceived (there is enough time to answer).

Understanding the psychology of teenagers will help parents raise them correctly and push them onto the right path in life.