The Enneagram Method: Tell us what you fear most and we will tell you who you really are

There are many concepts of dividing personality into different types: socionics, Myers-Briggs typology, human design and others. But perhaps the most interesting and applicable to many areas of life is the Enneagram. This is a concept that divides people into 9 personality types in terms of underlying motivation. Schematically, they are located on a circle at the same distance from each other, which symbolizes the equal contribution of each of them to the integrity of the world.

By dividing people into types and knowing their characteristics, you can reveal your abilities or the talents of your children, create a business team in which each person will complement the other, create a strong family or build any relationship. The world's largest brands use the Enneagram when recruiting personnel - Toyota, Avon, Mitsubishi, Coca-Cola , Procter & Gamble, Reebok and many others.

What personality types are identified according to the Enneagram?

Perfectionist or Reformer

The main principle for such people is the desire for perfection in absolutely everything. Typically, such individuals appear confident and calm. Speech is slow, with frequent words: “right” and “wrong.”

This Enneagram personality type constantly improves itself in both personal and professional life. At work, such people show responsibility and always meet deadlines. They never quit what they started halfway through. In family relationships, they require honesty from the partner and all members. If a Perfectionist criticizes, then it is better to admit your guilt and try to correct the mistake. After all, this person is terribly afraid of making a mistake, and demands the same behavior from others.

The reformer is unable to delegate authority both at work and at home. For this reason, such people are constantly busy and overloaded. This is where anger and irritation come from.

Famous representatives of the type: George Bernard Shaw, Hilary Clinton, Harrison Ford, Alexander Solzhenitsyn, Confucius.

What is the Enneagram

The Enneagram in psychology is a psychological model that describes 9 motives located deep in the subconscious. They control the life of every person without exception. This is a fairly common method for determining personality type in the United States. Most often used in job interviews. The Enneagram consists of 9 levels, combined into 3 large groups:

  1. Healthy Range. These are the highest manifestations of a personality type.
  2. Mid range. Normal manifestations.
  3. Unhealthy range. Destructive manifestations.

Sometimes the boundaries of the type are expanded. As a result, several of its representatives can be located at different levels of development in the Enneagram.

Helper or Friend

All behavior, gestures and actions of such people are open. In the company of a person of this Enneagram personality type, the partner feels like the center of the universe. The main value in life for a Friend is caring for one’s neighbor. These people remember all the details of the lives of those around them and are always interested in how things are going.

These qualities also manifest themselves in professional activities. However, work colleagues often take advantage of the kindness and dependability of such people.

On the one hand, it may seem that the Helper is a real altruist. In fact, good intentions are caused only by pride, and on a subconscious level they hope for gratitude.

This type includes: Mother Teresa, John Travolta, Jesus Christ, Melanie Griffith, Princess Diana, Priscilla Presley.

Transition under stress

A stressful factor for people of Type Nine can be a protracted conflict situation, or a tense atmosphere at work, or external pressure when insufficient time is allocated to complete a task or make a decision. In such circumstances, Nines lose their inherent complacency, begin to treat others with suspicion - they begin to see hidden motives in their behavior and the desire to use them. The usual perception of the world in pastel colors is overshadowed by irony and pessimism. This is how their transition to the Six is ​​manifested.

Achiever

The third personality type according to the Enneagram is the most productive and effective. They know how to do several things at the same time. The main goal of such a person is success in everything. Throughout their lives, Achievers set themselves more and more new goals and achieve them. They are true workaholics and can work even without sleep or rest. Any failure of such a person leads to a state of stress.

The effectiveness of this personality is also manifested in communicating with people. They can get along in any team. However, they love competition very much. If on the path of life you meet a smarter and more successful person, then the Achiever asks you to teach him everything that the first one knows.

In a family, such people are not very emotional, and show their love through actions, but not through words and tenderness.

These people need public recognition because they are inherently vain. Over time and with age, understanding comes, and the Achiever is burdened by the feeling that he has lost something, or rather himself. He begins to understand that those around him do not love him personally, but his success.

Prominent representatives of the type: David Copperfield, Tom Cruise, Sylvester Stallone, George Washington, Elvis Presley, Oprah Winfrey, Richard Gere.

Silent history

Personality typology in psychology is interpreted as a system of individual attitudes and behavioral stereotypes, formed to explain the differences between people.

Even in ancient times, scientists, writers and philosophers classified people according to various criteria. Aristotle introduced the concept of “virtue”. This is how he outlined the internal order and structure of the soul. Virtues, according to the philosopher, are divided into moral (ethical) and mental (reasonable).

Ethical virtues represent a mean between two extremes: excess and deficiency. They are characterized by courage, majesty, friendliness, ambition, truthfulness, courtesy, wisdom, etc. Regarding moral virtue, Aristotle said that it is “the ability to do the best in everything that concerns pleasure and pain, and vice is its opposite.”

Ethical virtues of character, according to the philosopher, are formed in the process of life and as a person gains experience, and rational virtues - through learning [A. Chanyshev, 1987].

In 314 BC. Theophrastus proposed his typology. For him, human character is a set of mental properties that are manifested in actions and words. He divided people into 30 types, which he described in detail in his work “Characters”. The names of the types speak for themselves: pretender, flatterer, gossip, talker, impolite person, curmudgeon, braggart, etc. [ABOUT. Freidenberg, 1941]

Hippocrates created the doctrine of the internal juices of man. He highlighted:

  • yellow bile;
  • black bile;
  • blood;
  • slime.

Depending on which fluid dominates in a person, he identified the following types of temperament: choleric, phlegmatic, sanguine and melancholic [B. Petrovsky, 1977].

This is one of the oldest personality typologies, which, despite the generality of characteristics, is still used today. We will return to it later.

Around the middle of the 20th century, the study of personality began to be given special importance. Various options have emerged for classifying people according to their distinctive characteristics. Among them were:

  1. Personality typologies of Ernst Kretschmer and William Sheldon: they explain the relationship between body type and temperament.
  2. Types of experiences: introverted, extroverted, ambiequal, coartistic, dilatory. This classification was put forward by Hermann Rorschach.
  3. Types of representations by Erich Rudolf Ensch : integral, differentiated.
  4. Forms of life activity , which, according to Eduard Spranger, are divided into aesthetic, religious, economic, social, power, theoretical, etc. [Org, 2017].

Most of the typologies proposed during that period have historical value and are practically not used today. But among them there are those that became the foundation for the development of psychology. We propose to consider them and more modern classifications of personality typologies further.

Romantic or Individualist

For people of this Enneagram personality type, the main thing is to stand out from the crowd. They have a mysterious smile and a slightly sad look. People around them often think that such people are completely uncommunicative. However, they are very much afraid of becoming outcasts in the team and love it when people communicate with them.

Personalities of this type are the most mysterious and emotional. Such a person is afraid to exist without emotions. Almost his entire life is spent searching for himself and the meaning of life. But such people know how to share good and bad news with friends. A calm and measured life is not suitable for representatives of this personality type according to the Enneagram.

An individualist is somewhat shy in communication, and the reason for this is the understanding that he is not like everyone else. This causes constant mood swings.

On an unconscious level, Romantics are driven by envy. And it arises against the background of constant comparison of oneself with others. After satisfying emotions and experiences, the Individualist takes on the traits of the first type of personality – the Reformer. At such moments, any task by the Romantic will be completed exceptionally well.

The Individualist type includes: Vincent Van Gogh, Nicolas Cage, Michael Jackson, Marcello Mastroianni, Johnny Depp, Edith Piaf, Marlon Brando.

Type 3 – achiever

The achiever is focused on his own success. Strives to please everyone and loves to be the center of attention. He can get so carried away by the task that he loses the passage of time. These people love it when someone challenges them. They always achieve their goal.

Character Traits:

  • Very dependent on the opinions of others.
  • So carried away that they forget to eat, sleep, and rest.
  • Hiding emotions that may show weakness.

Achievers are very sociable and responsible in relationships; they are people you can trust.

Tips for triplets:

  1. It is important to be honest with yourself and not put on masks.
  2. Don't dwell on failures, everyone makes mistakes.
  3. Emotions are different, you need to accept any, and negative ones can be easily dealt with through sports, for example, going to the gym

What types can create harmonious relationships?: 3, 5, 6, 9

The Observer or Thinker

Personality type 5 according to the Enneagram is a person who is self-sufficient and capable of analyzing without unnecessary emotions. When meeting, it may seem that such people are silent, but if the Thinker understands that the interlocutor is interested, then the first will be able to answer almost any question.

Such people spend most of their lives thinking and studying; they simply like to accumulate knowledge. An observer, having received any profession, will definitely become a real expert in the chosen industry. Because of their ability to analyze everything, such individuals become real strategists. They really don't like surprises.

Famous personalities of personality type 5 according to the Enneagram: Bill Gates, Alfred Hitchcock, Al Pacino, Jules Verne, Agatha Christie.

Diagnostics

How to understand that you are a perfectionist? You need to undergo diagnostics under the supervision of a psychologist or psychotherapist. The events are something like this:

  • Oral survey. Or, more simply put, an ordinary conversation. An experienced specialist quickly identifies the problem and discovers it during the first conversation. Then additional diagnostic methods are developed.
  • Special tests for perfectionism are used: questionnaires, dysfunctional attitude scales, perfectionism scale. There are also additional questionnaires. They are quite reliable, especially in the system.
  • Functional test. The patient is asked to perform a simple task. Based on the results, we can talk about one or another degree of deviation. Determine whether it is a disease or not. Disorders are indicated by increased emotional tension, patient remarks, and anxiety.

Skeptic or Loyalist

Representatives of this type doubt absolutely everything. Therefore, the person who happens to be nearby will be forced to constantly make decisions for the Loyalist and pass the “strength” test.

However, the ability to see any situation from several sides allows you to always remain in a balanced state. It is better for such people to choose the job of a financial analyst or security chief, that is, a profession that requires the calculation of all risks.

Personality type 6 according to the Enneagram are people who always become best friends. They maintain relationships even with those they interacted with in kindergarten. Such individuals know how to joke, but every little detail will be noticed in their statements, which is not always pleasant to the interlocutor.

Prominent representatives of this type are: Mel Gibson, Kim Basinger, Vladimir Zhirinovsky, George Bush and Marilyn Monroe.

Symptoms of the disorder

Defining perfectionism is impossible without describing the symptoms of the pathological process. The clinical picture includes a group of manifestations.

Internal tension

Sufferers experience constant internal discomfort, trying to do everything perfectly. But they are always unhappy with the results. This is a typical feature of neurotic perfectionism. The tension builds until it reaches anxiety. Anxiety can develop into an independent pathological process. Then, in addition to psychotherapy, the patient will also need medications. The disorder has an extremely negative effect on the body.

Tendency to do everything perfectly

Core feature. It develops from the very first days of the disorder and becomes its basis. The tendency to do everything as best as possible reaches the point of absurdity: even with perfectly done work, a person is dissatisfied and looks for problems in it. This leads to anxiety and rapid fatigue. Asthenic syndrome develops. The patient becomes irritable, constantly wants to sleep, and cannot rest properly.

Phobias and fears

They develop after some time. Phobias and fears are based on a pathological desire to control everything and do the best job possible. For a long time, such tension is leveled out by the reserves of the nervous system. Then anxiety disorders and phobias develop. Panic attacks are possible. The problem can only be dealt with under the supervision of specialists.

Increased demands on yourself

The person perceives himself inadequately. In particular, this is manifested by increased demands on oneself, the desire to be the best. But this is impossible. A vicious circle arises.

Increased demands on others

This trait irritates others. Not only does a person perceive himself inadequately, he also perceives others in the same way. Makes his own demands. Therefore, a perfectionist has an insufficient social circle and few friends. Which means social isolation and even greater internal discomfort from the feeling of one’s own inferiority and uselessness.

Low self-esteem

Is part of the whole.

The symptoms are obvious and clearly visible, especially if the process reaches moderate and clinical severity.

Enthusiast, Epicurean, or Optimist

The main principle of such people is to live to have fun. There are always a huge number of new plans in the head of such a person. An enthusiast strives for new experiences, but this character trait does not allow him to concentrate on one thing.

Such people speak very quickly, constantly jumping from one topic to another. These are real experts in starting new things, but very often they do not complete them. But in any activity they are able to see something new and interesting. Therefore, they can come up with new business ideas almost endlessly, but due to the inability to bring everything to life, most of them are experienced internally. The Epicurean learns quickly; one might say, he has enough knowledge on the fly.

Optimists know how to be grateful and generous, but they have a very hard time withstanding any tragedy, so they simply try not to notice the troubles.

Such people need to learn throughout their lives to restrain themselves and concentrate on one thing.

Famous personalities of this type include: Franklin Roosevelt, Mozart, Jim Carrey, Kevin Klein, Gerard Depardieu, Brad Pitt.

How to determine a psychotype by external signs and behavior

I propose to once again go over all the considered personality psychotypes and identify only the external signs and behavioral characteristics that are noticeable to the naked eye.

Let us take for consideration Leonhard’s psychological classification:

PsychotypeExternal manifestations
HypertimActive gestures and expressive facial expressions, childlike spontaneity in emotions, careless appearance
DistimRestrained facial expressions and a minimum of gestures, apathetic and pitiful appearance
CycloidClothes, hairstyle, gestures - everything reflects the mood. In moments of rising, he is a person with active gestures and rapid speech, wearing clean and perfectly ironed clothes. During the phase of loss of strength, the cycloid becomes indifferent to its appearance, and a mask of sadness freezes on its face. Cycles repeat in the same rhythm, but unique to a particular person
ExcitableAlways dressed to the nines, neat and stylish. Looks at others condescendingly, sometimes dismissively
StuckSpeech is sluggish, but gestures are very clear and sharp. Slow, thoughtful
PedantCleanliness and neatness are noticeable in everything, the appearance is neat
AnxiousChooses discreet, practical, versatile clothes. Tries not to stand out from the crowd and not attract attention. He is restrained in his emotions, his speech is quiet, most representatives of the anxious type slouch
EmotiveDressed tastefully, but modestly and calmly. In general, gentleness, kindness, calmness is reflected in everything: gait, gestures, facial expressions, hairstyle, clothing, manner of speech.
HysteroidAppearance (clothing, hairstyle, gait) is defiant, extravagant, unusual. It could be something very bright or vulgar, not appropriate for the time (for example, a top hat and tails as casual wear), etc. In general, the main thing for a hysterical person is to stand out. And loud laughter and loud or, on the contrary, too quiet speech (depending on the circumstances), strange clothes and shoes, mannerisms, etc. help in this - it doesn’t matter
ExaltedFrequent changes in facial expression and posture, gait (depending on mood), violent emotional reactions to certain events, shaking a leg or tapping fingers (this is how excitement is manifested), loud speech and infectious laughter
ExtrovertFast and loud speech, active facial expressions and gestures, bright clothes
IntrovertClothing in calm tones, restrained facial expressions and gestures, calm speech. If they talk alone with their best friend or talk about something interesting to them, they become emotional

Note! Due to the fact that there are no pure temperaments, and character traits are intertwined with mental characteristics, it can be difficult to externally determine a person’s psychotype. Therefore, the most accurate method of diagnosis is to undergo special tests by Jung, Leonhard, Eysenck and other psychologists, and not to observe a person.

Challenger or Boss

A description of the Enneagram personality type should begin with the fact that such people want to control everything and despise any weakness in others. However, if someone dares to offend the weak, the Boss will always come to the defense. These are reliable and strong people, honest and self-confident.

When talking to people, the Challenger stands upright and speaks loudly, almost always making direct eye contact. The whole appearance of the Boss “transmits” self-confidence. How could it be otherwise, because these are born leaders! These are the people who most often become managers or businessmen.

Bosses are full of life and energy. The Boss divides everyone around him into “strong” and “weak”. He is always ready to compete and be friends with the former. He does not accept the “weak,” but if it is a close person, he will definitely take him under his wing. For this reason, the Boss always has few friends and close people, but he always protects them. Such people do not know how to be content with little and always achieve the object of desire.

In an unfamiliar environment, the Boss initially withdraws and tries to analyze the situation and those around him. After this, he boldly enters the battle, because life is a struggle.

It is very simple to determine the personality type according to the Enneagram and in life if you analyze the characters of famous people who are on the list of Challengers: Napoleon Bonaparte, Frank Sinatra, Donald Trump, Joseph Stalin, Saddam Hussein, Mao Zedong, Nikita Khrushchev.

Reasons for the development of perfectionism

Perfectionism is an innate problem. To be more precise, it comes from childhood and is determined by many social factors. By nature, it is of psychosocial origin. There are equal parts biological and psychological components. What are the possible causes of the disorder?

Demanding parents

According to research, this is perhaps the most important reason. We are mainly talking about so-called toxic parents. Tyrannical, despotic, who strive to “crush” the child under themselves. This desire leads to increased demands. No matter what the child does, everything is wrong, everything should be different. I drew a picture and did it poorly. You wrote a sentence in your notebook clumsily - rewrite the whole page again. And similar examples.

Of course, there are exceptions when parents strive to improve their child by instilling the right skills. But this desire backfires if you push too hard. Thus, the exactingness of parents destroys the psyche of a fragile personality and gives free rein to all sorts of complexes and personality disorders. In particular, perfectionism.

Physical violence

Often, to reinforce their own words, parents resort to violence - physical or psychological. So they try to punish the child, to instill in him a model of behavior that is correct from their point of view. The child perceives it completely differently. I did something wrong and I was punished. Next time I have to do everything perfectly to avoid punishment. The opposite phenomenon is also possible - open protest, but this is rather an exception to the rule. Psychological violence has an equally destructive effect. Therefore, both models of behavior in education should be avoided. This is an effective prevention of perfectionism.

Wrong parenting tactics

Basically we are talking about excessive pressure. Do it this way, not another. This is the motto of a parent who puts pressure on a child. Basically, oddly enough, perfectionists grow up in families with an authoritarian parenting style. The mother has the most negative impact on the fragile psyche, since she is the first person the child sees. He then begins to imitate and internalize social norms. In the case where the disorder is instilled from an early age, it is somewhat more difficult to cope with it. Complex psychotherapy is required.

Low self-esteem

It also comes from early childhood. Surely you have heard parents tell their children: you did the wrong thing, but the conventional boy Sasha did the right thing. For a young person, such a comparison is initially unbearable: he is considered wrong, somehow different. He does not meet the expectations of his own parents. In order to conform, the patient begins to show himself “correctly” from the point of view of his mother or father. Strives for the ideal so that he too can be loved.

In childhood, this is perhaps the most powerful incentive. Over the years, low self-esteem does not go away, as does the tendency towards perfectionism. You can cope with this form of the pathological process only if you also remove self-doubt. This will take a lot of time. Months, possibly years of independent work and work under the supervision of a psychotherapist or clinical psychologist.

The patient's psychotype as a factor in the development of perfectionism

And this is already an innate feature. It is genetically determined. Although there are some considerations in this regard that refute the biological nature of the psychotype. Mostly, patients with a pedantic, stuck personality type suffer from perfectionism. If we talk about the classification of accentuations according to Lichko - epileptoids. To a lesser extent - sensitive. These accentuators are more susceptible to the pathological process (let’s call it that conventionally). It is impossible to cope with the characteristics of a psychotype. This is the basis of the patient's personality. But smoothing out some negative traits, including a tendency toward perfectionism, is a completely doable task. It needs to be resolved under the supervision of a psychotherapist. At worst, a competent psychologist.

The example of parents before your eyes

In the early years and even in the later period (6-10 years), the child imitates the behavior of his parents. If a mother or father suffers from perfectionism, there is a high probability that the child will have the same problem, who constantly sees a living example before his eyes. If close relatives are characterized by increased emotionality, emotional and mental instability, they often share failures as examples of non-compliance with the rules - this reinforces negative patterns in the psyche of the young person.

Parents should avoid making everything perfect. Strange as it may sound. Perfectionism is “contagious,” especially when it comes to raising the younger generation. You need to stick to some golden mean. Do not neglect your responsibilities, but also do not create a tragedy if it seems that the issue has not been fully resolved. This is quite a difficult task.

Negative experiences during adolescence

In simple terms, this is acquired perfectionism. As a rule, it develops against the background of self-doubt in a system with negative experience. One follows from the other.

A classic example: a student goes to the board and accidentally makes a mistake. If a teacher does not take into account the interests of his own students, he scolds and humiliates the student. The class picks up. This is serious psychological trauma. Not only was the person not recognized, he was also publicly humiliated and ridiculed. This leads to a pathogenetic mechanism. I won't be made fun of if I try harder. It doesn’t occur to a person that the problem is not so much in him, but in the environment. Personality changes and distortions of perception begin. A person concentrates on himself and tries to change something.

Immaturity of thinking

Additional research has shown that patients who see only one side of the coin are more likely to do everything perfectly. They see the world in black and white. In the categories of "good" and "bad". This greatly limits their psychological maneuver.

People hold the same opinion regarding actions. It can be done either poorly or perfectly. And since the criteria for “ideality” are rather vague, it’s still impossible to achieve the goal. Patients drive themselves into a psychological trap, it’s a vicious circle. And there is no easy way out of it. You can cope with the situation only if you expand your thinking. But coping with such a task is not so easy. By the way, this explains why some people lose their tendency towards perfectionism as they age.

The issue again needs to be resolved under the supervision of a specialist.

Negative social environment

Partially this was said. If a person’s parents suffer from a disorder, then the child himself is likely to become a victim of the problem. In this case, you can expand the circle of “culprits”. It is not only the mother and father who provoke the development of a conditioned pathological process. In short, the problem may lie with other relatives and even friends. The second applies more to adolescent patients. A negative social environment can cause the disorder to worsen. Therefore, you need to think with your own head and, if possible, not play these games. There is no ideal; this must be clearly understood.

Lack of love in childhood

Perfectionist syndrome is the result of a lack of love in childhood. Confessions from parents and older generations. How does this condition develop? Mainly through comparison. Look what Sasha/Kolya/Petya did, but you are not like that and are doing it wrong. It is clear that the child will try to meet the expectations of his parents and imitate the conventional Petya in order to be like him. This means they will love him. A situation with a protest is possible, but this is a relatively rare case. Lack of recognition in adolescence has much the same effect. Sometimes even stronger. You need to cope with the disorder in order to make your life easier.

These are the main causes of the pathological process. Of course, we are talking only about the problem, cognitive distortion. Healthy perfectionism is good. But you need to strive not for the ideal, but simply to do the job well. This is the key difference between normal and conventional pathology.

Peacemaker

It seems to others that it is simply impossible to quarrel with personality type 9 according to the Enneagram. They are really friendly and calm people. They absolutely cannot stand conflicts and try to maintain harmony in all areas of life. They easily get along with others and are often the reconciling party in disputes. If the conflict cannot be resolved, then such a person simply distances himself from the problem.

Friendliness and calmness prevent the Peacemaker from defending his opinion, since this person most often puts his desires and needs below the interests of others.

Despite all this, Peacekeepers are very stubborn and will not allow themselves to be controlled. It is difficult for them to understand themselves; they cannot understand their needs. The Peacemaker's main problem is his reluctance to leave his comfort zone. Such people need to learn to formulate their opinions and become decisive. Peacemakers must understand that problems do not solve themselves.

Representatives of this type are: Ronald Reagan, Kevin Costner, Mahatma Gandhi, Dalai Lama, Queen Elizabeth II, Abraham Lincoln.

Perfectionism and procrastination

As practice shows, perfectionism and procrastination go hand in hand. Procrastination refers to the tendency to put things off for a long time. For example, instead of doing homework or working, the sufferer goes online: looks through email, opens the same pages dozens of times. Often he doesn’t understand why he does it.

As practice shows, most often this is the result of internal discomfort, fatigue and overwork.

Treatment of the pathological condition

Is it possible to stop being a perfectionist and get rid of this shortcoming forever? Yes, it's quite possible. Psychotherapy is needed. Several techniques are used.

  • Psychodynamic. To identify the causes of the pathological process.
  • Behavioral. After identifying the causes, it is necessary to correct the disorder.
  • Cognitive. So that the patient perceives himself adequately.

How else to deal with this? If anxiety develops, you can get rid of the symptoms with the help of sedatives and mild tranquilizers. They must be taken strictly with the approval of the attending physician and nothing else. Unauthorized actions are unacceptable.

It takes up to several months to resolve the problem. In especially difficult cases, several years of work on yourself.

Instead of an afterword


To finally answer your question: are perfectionists hostages of their own and others’ ambitions, or people to be emulated, we can recall the examples of great inventors.
D. Mendeleev is known as the inventor of the periodic table. He spent many years on it, but worked meticulously to please his mother. She alone tried to get Dmitry, the 17th child in the family, accepted into a prestigious university. His whole life became proof of his mother’s love and gratitude.

Another idealist was the physicist L. Landau, who came to the conclusion that marriage would not be called a good word. He won the Nobel Prize, but due to his busy schedule, he forgot about his wife on his wedding night. With the words: “Oh, I’m unhappy!” I never left the regular laboratory tests.

Being a perfectionist is sometimes good - the next generations will appreciate your work. But will his descendants be among them? And is it easy to go through life next to a person suffering from a manic idea of ​​making everyone perfect? And isn't this dangerous? How do you think? Share your opinion with us!

Dagirova Lidiya · 24 Sep, 2019

Possible complications

There are quite a lot of complications:

  • Neurotic disorders. Anxiety, sleep disturbances.
  • Fall in self-esteem.
  • Social self-isolation.
  • Lack of a close social circle. Ultimately, loneliness. Forced, and not as a conscious choice of the patient.
  • Depression leading to full-blown and long-term depressive disorder. In this case, drugs from the antidepressant group are prescribed. In a precisely adjusted dosage.
  • Decreased productivity. Oddly enough, a perfectionist spends too much time working on one problem and does not have enough energy to do everything else.
  • Suicidal thoughts and even productive attempts to commit suicide are possible. But this is a rather rare situation. This develops against the background of a severe pathological process, supported by depression.

There are many complications. Hence the importance of therapy. The problem is by no means a joke.

Prevention lies in the proper upbringing of the child. As little pressure and excessive demands as possible. This is the basis.

Tips for Dealing with Perfectionists


If a person with “excellent student syndrome” does not become personal and does not begin to have full control over a colleague, friend, child or other half, then it is very convenient to live and work with him.
They boldly look up to him in their work, they imitate him, they look up to him, they admire him. Another plus is that a perfectionist is a person who tries to do everything himself, because no one can do anything better than him. Sometimes you can relax and let him show his “perfection”.

Rules for communicating with a perfectionist:

  1. Follow his example in perseverance and hard work.
  2. Sometimes shifting responsibility onto him is not a sin. While he is doing monotonous or labor-intensive work, you can rest. When an “ideal” person makes a habit of making constant comments, you can pretend that he is being listened to attentively. In order not to destroy your own self-esteem, those around you do not have to delve into every corrosive word of a perfectionist.
  3. If claims and behavior develop into tyranny, and heart-to-heart conversations do not have the desired effect, help such a person come to the conclusion: the help of a specialist is primarily necessary for himself.

As proof, they cite constant fatigue, decreased concentration, and the suffering of loved ones due to inappropriately high expectations and demands.

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