July 23, 2022 Useful tips, Business psychology
Falling into a state of despair is not just an unfortunate accident of our lives, it is the right of every person. The right to natural emotions, the right to weakness, the right to accept outside help or stop what you’re doing and be alone. A few months ago on Facebook, my followers and I talked about how differently everyone goes through this condition: someone begins to fight despair and wins (or not), someone is afraid of it and seeks to deny it, someone humbly accepts it. Opinions were divided, and a heap of living examples gathered. We have compiled something like a cheat sheet for you, which you can look at when your strength is leaving you, and it seems that there is no light.
How do you feel when things don't work out? It’s not just that it doesn’t work out, but when all your actions are correct, thoughtful, planned, proven effective, from which you expect a “wow!” effect, but the result is zero. Not a drop, not a teaspoon - exactly zero.
Sometimes, even with a fairly sound mind and sober way of thinking, such a trip is enough to plunge into despair.
How do we feel when we despair?
- Depreciation
All past experience ceases to matter.
At these moments I fall apart in half. The brain is capable of bringing up a variety of arguments and proposing plan A, B, and how much more is needed to overcome the crisis. But there is always a small part of me that squeezes into my knees and shoulders, covers my head with my paws and thinks one thought: “everything is lost.”
In this state, we tend to cross out everything, burn all our bridges.
First I check that I did everything correctly. I did. Then I freak out and think about going to work as a shawarma seller.
- Lost
We don’t understand where we are, the foundation disappears, the basis on which we can rely.
If something goes wrong, if I do a lot and the result is zero, then for some time I row by inertia, telling myself that everything is about to turn out the way I imagined. And then I realize that “just about” hasn’t happened for a long time, and I turn into moral dust. At these moments I don’t think anything good either about myself or about the future.
- Brokenness
Despair also affects your well-being. Fatigue comes from nowhere, and you may suddenly get sick. This is psychosomatics.
- No future
It is very difficult to make plans and hope for something when everything is falling out of your hands and the ground is crumbling under your feet.
My despair is always tragic. It goes beyond business and extends to life, which becomes meaningless and unnecessary, despite high spiritual teachings and the acceptance that it is all just a game of the ego.
- Panic
For those who are accustomed to regular victories, it is especially difficult to come to terms with despair - chaotic actions begin on the principle of “doing at least something, just don’t stop.”
I begin to ask myself questions, torment, analyze and engage in other types of masochism.
- Loneliness
We are not used to being weak, and showing that we are desperate, it seems inconvenient to us. Most often, people despair when they are alone.
Each of us thinks that he is the only one. The rest are all so positive and successful, and I’m a toy terrier!) But we gathered here and said that there are many of us, we are like this, and this does not stop us from being cool in what we do!
- Humility
We allow despair to take over all our thoughts and time, we fall into it completely and stew in it.
I’m terribly despairing, and I’m going into a deep, deep minus, that I don’t know how and can’t do anything, and I don’t have a profession, and there’s nothing, and everything is bad in all areas.
Let's sum it up
So, when you know the definition of the feeling of despair, and fully understand what it is. It is safe to say that it is necessary to get rid of this feeling as quickly as possible.
Despair is an emotional state of a person that occurs when some material or intangible value is lost.
To prevent despair from developing into chronic illness or mental disorder, you need to clearly understand your condition. And find any ways to cope with despair in order to make your life much better. If you don’t know what helps a person cope with despair, then you can seek help from a psychologist or other specialist.
Where does despair come from?
Recognizing the problem and understanding its nature is almost half of the solution. During the discussion, we found out that despair and its accompanying conditions have specific causes. Everyone has their own, but knowing them, you can carry out prevention and, at a minimum, not be surprised at the moment of despair. So why do we despair?
- Little experience
When we are just at the start of a project, there are still a lot of rosy expectations, which often have nothing to do with reality. Beginning freelancers and entrepreneurs despair much more and more often. If you process these moments correctly, a natural reaction is formed that helps you cope.
- Little real response to activity
Experts whose activities involve working online, remote consultants, and, perhaps, all freelancers, have to go through a period at the beginning of their journey when it is not clear how the end user feels about your work.
You do something, you do it, and you don’t have the slightest idea what is happening from your actions with others, and whether it is happening at all. And at times you think that everything, nothing worked out, nothing worked out.
- Perfectionism
The refusal to accept halftones, the desire to do only perfectly and not well enough, the desire to be the best in everything has driven many specialists into deep despair who are not accustomed to measuring success in intermediate results.
- Lack of an unshakable base
Interlocutors describe despair as falling into the unknown. We easily give in to the desire to give up and give up everything when we do not have a solid foundation under our feet in our activities.
If possible, every day do at least some small thing (whatever you have enough moral strength to do) for the main task.
- Intolerance
Even if we accept despair, we want everything to start getting better the minute we accept it.
It often turns out that you just had to wait a little - because it was not zero, but a delayed result. Not immediately, but over time. But I already have time to collapse into despair.
How to deal with despair
No one can completely prevent despair in their own life, but it is possible to edit the factors that influence the likelihood of falling into despair from any situation. First of all, the example of the parental family, which a person saw and unconsciously absorbed behavior patterns, contributes to such a state. Thus, if at the slightest failure you saw how the parent fell into despair, and did not look for ways to resolve the current situation or restructure their own life, then the chances of repeating this scenario in your performance increase. Not because of a reluctance to look for other options, but because of the lack of an example of how to look around. Perhaps a parent of the same sex was prone to momentary loss of hope and was preparing for the end of the world, while the other decided a lot for him and showed him the way out. Then, when identifying with the first, panicking will be a familiar stereotype, and it will also be beneficial, because you can not accept responsibility on your own, but wait for salvation. In this situation, there is a hidden resource - this is the behavior of the other parent and his coping strategies, which, like a slight fall into despair, are part of your inner experience, which needs to be awakened and updated. By the way, this is also true for those in whom such behavior in the family was the norm for the majority - find an example elsewhere, among friends and heroes.
The next feature of the psyche that can lead to despondency is the tendency to constantly replay events, a kind of stuckness not so much for the sake of extracting experience, but for the sake of repeating the experience of emotions. This may concern positive aspects, and then a person’s strength and confidence increase, but this same feature, when dwelling on negative aspects, can plunge one into the abyss of hopelessness and develop deep depression. Usually, another vivid impression distracts you from repeating the situation, but relying entirely on the will of external factors is not rational, because after being in despair for quite a long time, a person loses the ability to notice external changes in the situation, concentrating on internal suffering, or these changes become insignificant. Finding your own effective technique for switching attention and shifting the emphasis of thoughts will help reduce the severity of the experience of negative emotions, as well as look at the world with a sober look when repeating positive ones.
In a situation of a negative event, an important point is to feel your internal supports in order to maintain your condition at the proper level. With low self-esteem, uncertainty, and the habit of self-flagellation, a person only digs deeper into the hole of depressive disorder and a feeling of impasse. Thus, not only does the world become imperfect and terrible due to the destruction of an important part or aspiration, but also the lack of self-confidence quickly kills the remaining drops of hope for improvement. So it’s worth starting to normalize self-esteem and fill your internal resources in advance, and not when a crisis has torn your life apart; it’s better to start when the life situation is still stable - for prevention and development of resilience.
It helps to strengthen meaningful connections, i.e. communication with those people who are able to truly understand and accept you, where there is no need to keep face. Talking openly about your condition and problems with a sense of security is a fairly therapeutic practice, as a result of which affect is reduced, it becomes possible to receive feedback on your own emotions or events, from which, if not a new way of being is born, then a support resource will appear that reduces despair. If there are no such people around, then you can go to a psychologist for individual or group therapy. There is also no opportunity for therapy - write a diary, describing all your thoughts, feelings and events - periodically re-read what you have written, this will allow you to trace the dynamics, lead to a new vision, in extreme cases, it will simply help to throw out emotions.
But in your classes you should look for something new and exciting; avoid looking at a blank wall and replaying what happened. Remember what fascinated you in childhood and try to realize your inclinations now - it is in childhood desires and memories that contain a lot of energy and potential, in addition, they are devoid of external imposition and expectations of others, so there is a chance that you will begin to do what exactly your soul longed for confidently increases.
Take care of your own body, since a depressed state changes the chemical processes in the brain, stops the functioning of the nervous system, and, accordingly, the rest - focus on maintaining a healthy lifestyle, reduce the use of psychoactive substances, and increase the dose of B vitamins (they nourish the nervous system), strictly monitor your biorhythms, give your body physical activity, even if you don’t want to move (during sports, hormones of joy and pleasure are produced, which help reduce depression).
Despair: what to do, where is the way out?
Existential despair in a person is felt as the quintessence of the mental pain of all humanity inside one head. I just want eternal peace, silence and serenity. I want to die. But it's scary.
No, it is unlikely that a person gripped by a state of existential despair is afraid of physical pain. Mental pain is hundreds of times greater than physical pain, and when the soul hurts, everything else becomes unimportant. But such a person is afraid that he will not take advantage of his chance to live.
Existential despair is characterized by the fact that a person constantly asks himself: “Why do I exist? For some reason I was given all this... Perhaps I am part of something bigger, perhaps there is a reason why I am here, but the answer is beyond my understanding, and I suffer because I cannot fill my questions. There was almost no strength left to fight. Who am I? What is the meaning of my life? And why, in the end, does it hurt me so much?
A person is constantly trying to build a bridge to reality, to overcome his despair. But he can't.
You need to understand that existential despair is not sadness, not melancholy, not a bad mood. It can drag on for years, preventing you from living a full life.
A person's despair will disappear forever
It is possible to get out of the state of existential despair only by studying the human psyche. In the literal sense of how we were created and why.
The training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan makes it possible to fully understand this process from the inside.
With the help of the knowledge of system-vector psychology, you reveal all your characteristics, realize why others do not understand you, what your purpose is and how to realize it. Awareness of how the psyche of other people works allows the sound artist to gain a deeper understanding of himself based on his differences from others. This entails incredible volumetric filling and allows you to get out of bad conditions. As a result of the opening of the psyche, the perception of oneself and the world around completely changes.
The sound specialist begins to see mathematically precise cause-and-effect relationships between all processes of the past and present and their development in the future, both externally and internally. By adding up his perception from gradually coming realizations, the sound artist acquires a completely new objective and accurate picture of the world.
Understand your despair. Questions "Who am I?" and “What is the meaning of my life” begin to fill up, and as a result, bad states go away. And then more and more discoveries begin to come, great pleasure from every new thought. This process cannot be stopped by anything.
The sound artist was born to comprehend infinity, but not esoteric, but real. Living in this world, among other people.
The sound engineer has a very important role in this world. In his potential, he is able to experience the greatest pleasure of all from the realization of his natural properties and tasks. Namely, from knowing yourself and revealing the unconscious.
How long do emotions last?
Have you ever wondered how long a particular emotion can last? Do you think this cannot be calculated? Can!
Psychologists have calculated how long negative emotions last. So a person’s fear and shame lasts 30 minutes, while boredom takes 2 hours. A person feels guilty for 3.5 hours and hates it for 60 hours. But you can be sad for 120 hours.
The experts also paid attention to positive emotions. According to research, it takes a person 1 hour and 20 minutes to empathize, and 5 hours to admire. Enthusiasm covers a person for 6 hours, satisfaction lasts 24 hours. And joy may not leave us for as long as 35 hours!
Existential paradox
It is very difficult for a person who is in such a difficult mental state to believe that there is at least one other soul in this world who suffers just like him. And it is absolutely impossible to believe that you can find a way out of this state and solve the problem forever.
At the “System-Vector Psychology” training, Yuri Burlan confidently says: you are not alone, and there is a way out.
This article is aimed at helping you understand the mechanism of your psyche, revealing cause-and-effect relationships and leading you to a conscious understanding of the solution to the problem.
First, let's figure out what the reasons for your despair are.
In fact, everyone is capable of experiencing despair throughout their lives. The reasons may be different: the loss of a loved one, a real threat to life, loss of material savings, general long-term dissatisfaction with oneself or one’s life, and the like.
But of all the people, only 5% of the population of the entire planet have objective prerequisites for a state of existential despair or, as it is also called, an existential crisis. These are people who have received the properties of a sound vector from nature. They are far from everything material, the main thing for them is to understand the meaning of their existence, their task is to reveal the root causes.
They have a special sensitive ear, it picks up subtle vibrations, picks up intonations, voice timbre, notices accents, interesting turns of speech. But most importantly, for a sound engineer, the words spoken are not as important as the meaning of what is said. At the same time, for the vast majority of sound professionals, the most pleasant sound is silence.
