Priorities in life: how to determine, advice from psychologists

• April 21, 2019
• Psychology of Personality
• Marusya the Cat

Throughout life, every person faces many problems, not only personal, but also social. A lot of questions arise: which ones should be addressed first, which ones should be put off for a long time, and which ones should simply be ignored. And how you need to build your life so that it is comfortable for yourself and others. There is only one answer that will help put everything in its place. You need to set your priorities correctly in life and try not to deviate from them.

Meaning of the concept

Human life has many facets; it is complex, unpredictable and individual. Each person has his own character, so people treat the same events in life differently. Views on current events and their perception distinguishes one person from another. Everyone associates the word priority with different things. A student sees a long-awaited diploma in front of him, an athlete sees victory in a competition, a young specialist sees career growth. The concept of what life priorities are can be characterized by the following phrase: “Priorities are activities that, after a certain time, can justify the effort and time spent on them.”

Examples

To better understand what prioritization is, let's look at some very simple real-life examples:

Example 1. A person leaves for a few days on a business trip. In five minutes a taxi should come for him and take him to the airport. During this time, he will have time to either wash the dishes or water the flowers. What's more important?

Priority task: water the flowers. Nothing will happen to the dishes during these days, but the flowers may die.

Example 2. A man went to the supermarket to buy milk for his child and some spicy meat seasoning for himself. Suddenly he discovered that there was only enough money for one thing. What's better to buy?

Priority task: buy milk. Seasoning is not something necessary.

Example 3. A sales manager was going to clear corporate email of spam. At that moment, a regular customer called him and asked him to accept the order. What should you do now?

Priority task: take the order. This is the main responsibility of a manager.

Example 4. A young man graduated from university. He set himself two short-term goals: to find a high-paying job in his specialty and to raise money for a down payment on a mortgage. What should he think about first?

Priority goal: find a job. Without this, the second goal is unlikely to be realized.

Note that all the examples listed above are unambiguous and even a little exaggerated: in them it is immediately clear what is important and what is not.

However, in real life, priorities cannot always be determined by eye. Sometimes this requires carefully analyzing the situation, considering the consequences and weighing all the possible pros and cons.

It is also important to understand that the priority of any task is usually a subjective concept. In the same situation, for one person it will be important to “finish a project at work”, for another it will be “to go to training”, and for a third it will be “to go on a picnic with the family”. Here, a lot depends on the goals and values ​​of the person, his character and personal qualities.

Classification of priorities

Priorities are always aimed at obtaining the desired result and achieving the set goals. These actions will require a certain amount of time. According to this principle, it is customary to classify life priorities:

• Long-term. They are usually global and can be carried out throughout life (raise children, wait for grandchildren, become famous, etc.).
• Medium term. They are usually planned until a certain age (20, 30, 40... years).
• Short-term or simply urgent. These are priorities that become most relevant in the near future (by the end of the week, month, quarter, etc.)

The concept of “priority” in jurisprudence

This word is used by lawyers in three cases:

1. Insolvency (bankruptcy). In this case, priority is the order of payments to creditors after the debtor is declared financially insolvent. Citizens and companies are divided into queues in the order determined by Art. 134 of Federal Law No. 127, in force since 2002. For example, preference is given to employees of the organization who are the first to receive salaries that are not transferred on time.
2. Priority of law (what is it?). This is a hierarchy, a ranking of regulatory documents in force in the country according to degree of importance . In Russia, the Constitution has the highest power, and federal laws are lower: they cannot contradict it. This is followed by acts issued by executive authorities, regional leadership and municipalities.
3. Patent rights.

   
   Priority is the exclusive right to use any intellectual value (scientific development, new technology, industrial design). According to Art. 1381 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation, it arises for a citizen or company from the moment of filing an application with the patent regulatory authorities and lasts for an unlimited period.

Priority model

In the modern world, it is customary to distinguish between eight components of a comprehensive priority model.

1. Spirituality. The inner world of a person, his spiritual development, moral side.
2. Family. Relationships with loved ones, mutual understanding, the desire to make them happy.
3. Health. Attitude to your health, rest, ability to take care of yourself, playing sports.
4. Material aspect. Attitude to the material side of life, ambitions based on finances;
5. Career. Achieving professional and labor success, career growth, promotion.
6. Rest. The desire to provide yourself and your loved ones with proper rest, travel, and hobbies.
7. Self-development. The desire for new knowledge, constant self-improvement.
8. Society. Relationships with other people, communication skills, social recognition.

What does it look like from the outside

It’s not hard to imagine a conversation like this between two girls:

Photo by Lionel Gustave on Unsplash

“I have a feeling that I’m the only one who doesn’t manage to do anything in life,” one complains. – No matter who you ask, or who you go to “visit” on social networks, they are all such great people - they keep the children busy with their activities, take up sports, cook a variety of dishes, and are also successful at work. And I did squats once a month - that’s the whole sport. And so in everything, I don’t have time to do anything!

“Well, I’m probably like what you described,” her friend answers. – I manage everything that is important to me. And I don’t worry too much about minor things. You just need to learn to prioritize. Then achieving goals is much easier.

The first girl thought about it. Indeed, is that what the chase is after? Often the problem of lack of time arises because there is no clear vector to follow. The inability to set priorities leads to dissatisfaction with oneself and a lack of productivity. And, as a result, to the envy of those who have learned this. Sound familiar?

Factors of influence

Values ​​and priorities in life depend on many factors. Fundamental in this matter are time, events and circumstances that influenced a person’s worldview.

Time always determines priorities. Starting from a conscious age, the child tries to learn to be independent. Then he learns to read and write, and play certain games. By getting to know the world, the baby gives a start to setting his priorities in life. In the future, young people set themselves the goal of learning and mastering a profession. At this age, they rarely think about their health, about their future family, etc. Mature people devote more time to health, relaxation, and traditions. It follows from this that priorities in life change over time, and each generation is characterized by their individual arrangement.

An important factor is the events that happen to a person throughout his life. This is accumulated experience, a look from a different angle, a reassessment of values. These events can be positive (for example, meeting a loved one, a like-minded person). Everything that seemed important until now fades into the background, and new desires appear. Sometimes the experience is sad, and then the disappointed person radically changes his plans and views.

Circumstances also influence changes in worldview. A person may be forced to change his life priorities. An example would be the work of a farmer, which is completely dependent on weather conditions. The man had a goal to harvest the harvest and sell it safely, but constant rains or drought prevented his dream from coming true. Fearing similar weather anomalies, the farmer will no longer take risks and next year will prefer a direction in the farm that does not depend on the weather.

Exploring your life

Before setting priorities, you need to gain control over the situation and time, and for this you need to find out what is happening in life.

How have you been spending your time over the last month?

To change your attitude towards time, you need to evaluate it. Write down everything you've done in recent weeks.

How much time do you devote to each area of ​​your life? The answer to this question will help you understand what your priorities are right now.

Rate how satisfied you are with how you spend your time.

Think about the most important areas of your life: career, relationships, personal development, finances, health, family.

Rate each area in terms of how important it is to you. Use a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is not at all important and 10 is vitally important.

Now rate your progress in each area. How satisfied are you with how much time you spend on it? From 1 to 10.

Examine those areas that you rated from 8 to 10. If there are gaps of 2 or more points between the importance of an area and satisfaction with it, this indicates a poor balance. You are wasting your time on the wrong things.

Set new priorities to do more important things.

Third step: find out what actions, actions and tasks are missing in your life. Write down what comes to mind when you read the following questions:

• What is the most important thing in my life right now?
• Which area would I like to spend more time on?
• Where should I spend less time?
• What areas need my attention now? (e.g. health, family, finances)

Write down your actions in the order that is most important. This is your new priority list.

Let's take a closer look at this step.

Men's priorities

Priorities in life are distributed not only by age, but also by gender. A man is a protector, a successor of the family and a reliable support for his family. He always dreams of self-realization, because only in this status does he feel confident. That is why the main priority for representatives of the stronger sex is financial independence. It will allow you to provide for your family and make your loved ones happy. The most popular goals in men's lives are:

• finance;
• work and career;
• health;
• rest.

What does this mean in science?

Here this term means primacy in the field of scientific achievements . It belongs to the one who made a discovery, invention, or conducted useful research. For example, the term can be used in the following situations:

1. The priority in Arctic exploration belonged to the USSR.
2. In Soviet times, priority in scientific developments was given to the military-technical complex.
3. Ivanov has developed a way to increase the efficiency of the company's production; he has priority.

According to the law, priority is given to the scientist who first announced his invention: published information about it in the press or filed documents for a patent.

Women's priorities

Women's priorities in life are radically different from men's. Representatives of the fair sex pay more attention to family matters, relationships with their husbands, and raising children. They try to create family coziness, provide comfortable conditions for household members, take care of the health of their close relatives, honor traditions, etc. Work and career become secondary for them, although there are exceptions. Sometimes women perfectly combine family and work, without giving preference to either of these aspects. But the most popular for ladies are such priority areas as:

• family;
• health;
• spirituality;
• rest.

How to determine your priorities

In order to be able to correctly prioritize in life, you need to decide on your desires, to do this, analyze your own thoughts, spending some time on this. For example, you need to ask yourself questions like:

• What do I really want?
• My goals, what are they?
• In order to achieve them, what am I willing to do?
• What can you give up in the near future?

Questions of this kind seem very ordinary at first consideration, but with due attention to them they will be able to help reveal the full importance and possibility of achieving what you want, most importantly, they will push you in determining priorities.

Important! By answering these questions, a person, without knowing it, can already at least partially understand how to set priorities in his life.

Prioritization

Men's priorities

Life priorities are also a sign of gender. A man is rightfully the protector of his family and home; he is a support and leader for loved ones. Self-realization for him is not an empty phrase, it is very important. It is in this status that a man feels good and confident.

Financial independence is an important male priority. The most common goals for men are:

• Providing finances;
• Career, work activity;
• Health;
• Complete rest.

Men's priorities

Women's priorities

The aspirations of women are fundamentally different from the values ​​of men. The fair half tends to pay much more attention to family concerns, relationships with their significant other, and children. Comfort in the house is important to them, so that everyone living in it feels good and comfortable. They take care of the health of each family member and observe traditions.

With some exceptions, women most often place work at a lower place in their list of values. Priority value areas for women:

• Home and family;
• Health status;
• Development and spirituality;
• Quality rest.

Women's priorities

Limited list

The main priorities in life should not be confused with a wish list. To make a choice, you need to highlight several of the most important areas in life. Just imagine that the list consists of ten items and try not to exceed it. It is necessary to formulate goals that will provide the desired state. For example, you shouldn’t plan to have high incomes and at the same time not want to work, not want to give up bad habits and dream of good health. You have to be prepared for the fact that something will have to be sacrificed.

Why is prioritizing one of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People?

Cover of the book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey.
Read the book Human life consists of repeated habits that shape the life of any person. And the allotted time is limited. If you are not aware of your priorities, you will be scattered. In all endeavors, the result will be average at best.

The issue of proper planning of personal time is well covered in Stephen Covey’s book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” The skill of prioritization should be instilled from childhood. Following plans to achieve important goals, maintain health and family, maintain your physical fitness. The most effective ways of how to set priorities correctly are presented in the article.

Your own comfort

Very often those aspects that do not bring satisfaction to a person become priorities. He is forced to do what he does not want, to communicate with those who are unpleasant to him. It is in this case that the word “must” comes first, completely overshadowing feelings and desires. Psychologists recommend wisely distributing personal qualities and virtues. Character qualities allow a person to succeed in his career and achieve stunning success in the industrial sphere. But he still has a family, personal attachments, hobbies, etc. Many people give preference to material aspects and almost completely ignore those moments that are close to his heart. You need to listen to your soul and be sure to include feelings and sensations in your priorities. Inner harmony and spiritual comfort will become the starting point, and putting things in order will become much easier.

Tips for prioritizing

1. Study your life over the last year, month, two weeks to figure out what you devote the maximum amount of effort and time to.

2. Write down your values ​​in order of decreasing importance - this will help you understand what you are striving for in the long term. Once priorities have been set, specific goals can be formulated with a mandatory deadline for achieving them.

3. Get a diary and get into the habit of planning things out for the coming days and weeks.

4. Divide big goals into a collection of small tasks to determine the course of action and eliminate fears about failure.

5. Get rid of those activities that do not bring any benefit, replacing them with those that lead to your goal.

6. Under no circumstances leave unfinished tasks, moving on to a new task only after completing the previous one.

7. Analyze your actions and determine their effectiveness.

Understand that the list of priorities cannot be dimensionless.

You can’t waste yourself on everything that comes into your head. In other words, your list of priorities will not be able to accommodate an unlimited number of items. And all you have to do is come to terms with it.

Let's try to give an example. Imagine that your list of priorities consists of five items. If you have already filled them out, it will be impossible to add a new item. The only thing you can do is cross out one of the written priorities and put a new one in its place.

Let's summarize: in order to add a new priority in life, you often have to give up some old one. It is impossible to simultaneously combine such things as health and smoking, comfort and a career, high earnings and eternal entertainment somewhere on the Cote d'Azur.

First of all, a correctly set goal will help you refuse something like this. But in order to formulate it correctly, think about this: how do you want to feel? Perhaps you are not ready to spend most of your life in the race for success, but want a calm and measured life? Or, on the contrary, do you quickly get bored of being in harmony? The main thing is to answer these questions as honestly as possible, because they determine how satisfied you will be with the quality of your life. Form goals that will allow you to achieve your desired state.

Know where your priorities are today

Even if you've never thought about how to set priorities before, you still have them. Everything you have now is the result of their arrangement. And it doesn’t matter whether you did it consciously or not.

Unconsciously, you often set priorities based not on what will be necessary and useful, but on what is important to you at the moment. When you're lying aimlessly on the couch, it's important for you to lie down.

When you get up early to go for a morning run, it's important for you to run in the morning. In the same case, when you are lying on the couch and thinking about how good it would be to go for a run, it is important for you to lie on the couch, pretending to be deeply concerned about the state of your health.

Learn to recognize your own priorities - this is one of the most important steps in order to build an honest dialogue with yourself. Honestly describe everything you have now: family, friends, work, earnings, health, bad and good habits. Let this be your starting point.

3. Check how your priorities correspond to your inner values

Values ​​are our desires that come from within. Priorities often turn out to be imposed only from the outside. And this is a really important issue. When your values ​​conflict with your priorities, what do you think happens? That's right, nothing good. You're just torn between "this is important to me" and "this should be important to me." The result is a bad mood, increased anxiety, and in some cases even depression.

If you want to know your real values, look at what you spend your free time on. If you publicly talk about how important it is to read, encourage your acquaintances and friends to play sports, repost master classes on social networks, but you yourself prefer to waste your time on activities that do not bring any benefit, the conclusion is obvious.

The second way to test your values ​​is your energy. When your priorities go side by side with your values, what many call a blind spot in a person’s life happens. You are moving in the right direction, so it is easy for you to achieve your goals. If you have to spur your energy in various ways, for example, with the help of caffeine or the promise of entertainment, then it is worth analyzing whether you are really doing what you want, or whether you got down to business only because you should want it.

Don't live for a testimonial or a resume.

We often talk about life as if we were at an interview, and a strict personnel officer was sitting opposite us. We have lost the habit of speaking in simple words, doing simple things, and helping people around us. Our focus is on achieving qualities that can be put on a resume.

Yes, they help us gain a good reputation, get a dream job and stand out among hundreds of thousands of specialists like us, but they don’t make us human. But it’s how you build a family, maintain relationships with friends and, in general, live outside the work space that is much more important.

Happiness is not always career achievements. Sometimes this is an ordinary life with the possibility of including those closest to us and maintaining the wealth necessary for our comfort. Of course, this life scenario is not suitable for everyone, but it brings us down to earth so that we can once again evaluate our priorities.

Include leisure and hobbies in your list of priorities

We usually list hobbies last on our list of priorities. But it is a hobby that makes us feel happy. If you want to enjoy life, leave some time to be able to do what you love every day.

You should not treat a hobby as an activity that you must choose once and for the rest of your life. Yes, it happens, but in most cases, over time, our hobbies undergo changes. Also, you shouldn’t think that you have to earn money from your hobby. If you're a good singer, play a musical instrument, or can even combine the two, sometimes it's better to just do it for fun.

Finding your own values

To be able to correctly set your priorities, you need to analyze your own thoughts and desires. Psychologists recommend finding time for yourself and answering four simple questions:

• what does a person want locally and globally;
• what are his goals in the direction of his dreams;
• what he is ready to do to achieve his goals;
• what a person can give up in the next five years.

Answering the questions posed, a person will suddenly catch himself thinking that he knows how to prioritize in life. He will decide on his desires and find the right solution to the issues. And the last point will allow a person to weed out everything unnecessary that may interfere with him on the path to his dream.

Such self-analysis should be carried out at least once a year, since life is changeable and fleeting. Plans may simply not have time to come true, views may change, circumstances may change. Thanks to this simple procedure, you can summarize all the work done and draw up a similar plan for the future.

Additional Tips

Make a list of important things to do.

This is a very useful practice. You need to make two lists.

First: cases that represent the big picture. For example, learning English, reading three books on communicating with people and implementing tips in life, creating a startup.

Second: what you need to do every day. These could be repetitive activities: exercise, reading, meditation.

It is important to break down the things on the first list into their components and start doing them. At the same time, make sure that the tasks from the second list are also completed. Balance is what will allow you to live a fulfilling life.

Find out what your core values ​​and principles are.

Values ​​and principles are the rules by which people live. They are especially useful when you are faced with a difficult life situation. For example, to act honestly or dishonestly in business? Your moral principles will help answer this question.

Principles and values ​​are also good because they allow you to look at the big picture. Sometimes we are so focused on details that we don’t understand what we are doing and why.

Find out what your most time-consuming habits are.

Almost every person does something that sucks time. He has an excuse: I worked hard, and now I’m resting. But is spending time on social networks a vacation? This habit causes stress to many people.

Make a list of time wasters. Find out how many hours they take up each day. How about a week? This valuable time can be spent on something more important. For example, for type A problems according to Brian Tracy's method.

Find goals for your priorities.

If you have a goal tied to a priority, then working towards it will be much easier. What is the difference? For example, your priority might be to interact with people because you are shy. And the goal could be reading books on communication, attending events, meeting a certain person.

Use reminders.

This is perhaps the most effective advice to take immediately after you have set your priorities. It allows you to stick to them and not forget about them. After all, how often have you tried to introduce something into your life and gradually forgot about it? We started running every day, after a week we were already running 3 days a week, and after a month we were lying on the couch and thinking, what kind of running is this, are you already so tired?

Remind yourself every day of what your priorities are. A set of multi-colored stickers costs a penny, but can bring invaluable benefits. Post them around your apartment, use reminders on your phone or laptop, bombard your psyche with this information and don’t let yourself forget about it.

Abraham Maslow's Categories of Needs

American psychologist Abraham Maslow developed his theory, proposed in the form of a hierarchy of human needs. The pyramid theory has gained immense popularity in the field of marketing because it makes it possible to track the principle of motivation for buyers to sell more goods. But the most valuable theory is for ordinary people who strive to streamline their lives and make them happy. With the help of a pyramid, you can understand what priorities are in life and in what order they should be placed. According to Maslow, there are five categories of needs:

• Primitive. These are human physiological needs: food, drink, etc.
• Safety. This is a roof over your head, comfortable living conditions.
• Communication. Relationships in society, communication skills, affection, love.
• Status. Work, career, recognition.
• Spirituality. Self-development, self-awareness, desire for spiritual elevation.

Each person can set their priorities according to the proposed principle and track progressive results in achieving the goal. It is recommended to make a pyramid according to the principle: from the most necessary and simple to the most global, long-term and complex. The more often a person looks at his priorities in life, the more accurately he will understand how to achieve perfection and the desired happiness.

Correctly set priorities are the key to happiness and well-being. A person who does not strive for anything will never be able to taste victory. It’s worth streamlining your life a little, finding the right vector of movement, and joyful days will become constant companions of a long and happy life.

Books

Setting priorities is a process that requires the development of many skills. You need to learn the art of time management, how to make lists and much more. Here is a list of books that will be useful at the start:

• "On the Limit" by Eric Bertrand Larssen.
• "Effective Time Management" Brian Tracy.
• "The Book of Self-Power" by Tony Robbins.
• “Power is limitless. How to Achieve Personal Achievement by Tony Robbins.
• “What will you choose?” Tal Ben-Shahar.
• "Don't Distract Me" Edward Hallowell.
• "Getting Things Done" by David Allen.
• "To hell with all of it! Go ahead and do it." Richard Branson.

We wish you good luck!

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Key words:1Time management

How real men behave

In family and school, a teenage boy is often told that he must become a real man, putting different meanings into this phrase. It is difficult for a growing youth to understand what to do to become this mythical hero, if in the parents’ family and in the families of friends they earn money and women are in charge of everything. But if a guy was born with the makings of a real man, then he will certainly become one:

• will gain independence , and not only financial; when making important decisions, he will not be interested in other people’s opinions;
• will set the next goal and implement it;
• will correctly set life priorities;
• will keep his word, fulfill all his promises;
• will keep his thoughts, deeds, his things, his home in order;
• will not engage in gossip, judge others, or lie.

Maintains optimism and gets out of unpleasant situations with humor

Psychologists consider the best quality of a real man to be the desire for personal growth.

The ideal man is formed by a feeling of constant dissatisfaction; it forces him to continuously develop, broaden his horizons, move forward, without fear of making a mistake.

Third - plan for upcoming actions

When the goal is clear and the starting level is visible, it is time to carefully develop a step-by-step progression towards the ideal. You cannot move a rock with your bare hands, but you can break it into pieces and gradually move them one by one. This is what I recommend to those who decide to change everything for the better. The global goal should consist of a series of intermediate ones; a time is determined for them and the necessary steps are calculated.

Sometimes you meet people who have tried to immediately grasp the immensity. As a result, they lost faith in themselves and gave up. It is difficult to work with such clients, but you can help them by going through the preliminary stages with them and jointly mapping out ways to achieve the goal. As a rule, their second attempt is much more successful.

It is important not to notify others about your plans until their implementation has begun. Empty talk wastes precious energy, turning good initiatives into bragging and can cause serious harm.

Prioritization step by step

Prioritization is just three very conscious actions:

• defining goals;
• choice of main thing;
• minimizing excess.

So, now in more detail: what actions can you take to begin useful personal development?

Setting goals

It is not enough to simply ask yourself what is most important to you right now. Because, most likely, this fundamental triangle immediately comes to mind: family, health and economic well-being.

You need to ask yourself the following questions:

• what do you want from life?
• what are you passionate about?
• Where do you want to see yourself in five years?
• What really makes you special?

Choosing the main one

Prioritizing means identifying one thing that is important out of several. This means moving one goal on your to-do list. It also teaches the ability to differentiate between urgent and important matters. And it practically makes it obligatory to leave things (and people) behind. The latter is often the most difficult part of learning to prioritize.

Photo by Sajith Ranatunga from Pexels

You definitely need to prepare internally for this. Because even if prioritizing is sometimes costly, the result is personal happiness, increased self-esteem, and achievement of goals in life.

Category 3. Not important and Urgent

It is worth learning to get rid of all those tasks that fall into the “Not Important and Urgent” category. They cause unnecessary stress. These include the following:

Time-limited opportunities. Sometimes we get an opportunity, but in order to take advantage of it, we need to make it before a specific deadline. Because time constraints create a sense of urgency in us, it's easy to get overwhelmed and overestimate the importance. So take a break and decide if this is truly a good opportunity or just another task that will only waste your time.

Requests for information or assistance. Typically, when people ask for help or information, they expect an immediate response from you, and it can be difficult to say no.

Deadlines set by you. Too often, people set their own deadlines for projects or results without any objective need.

Category 2. Important and not urgent

Tasks in this category ensure your success. These include the following:

Preparation and strategic planning. Articulate what your personal, professional, and company goals are. Long-term planning will help to minimize or completely eliminate the occurrence of tasks from the “Important and Urgent” category.

Working on projects. Plan your work so that projects do not become dependent on deadlines and do not become a source of problems.

Training and professional development. This is an activity that has a significant impact on your professional growth and achievement of goals.

Exercise, relax and take care of yourself. Be sure to include these important and non-urgent tasks on your calendar so that they become your priorities.