Of course, love bonds are a fragile concept. Many, in the heat of their feelings, forget about the practical side of existence and find themselves unprepared for such a test as living together. Undoubtedly, no one wants to believe that a relationship could end because the dishes were not washed on time or an open tube of toothpaste.
However, this option should not be ruled out, because no one can say for sure what awaits them in the future. In the same way, many guys are wondering: how to divorce your wife without creating additional problems for yourself? After all, remembering your feelings on the threshold of the registry office and turning over pleasant memories in your head, it’s difficult to even think that such a story could have a disastrous ending.
However, the fact remains that not all ladies are committed to a peaceful solution to the issue. Moreover, many begin to wage open war, so that, if not to keep them close, then at least to hurt them more strongly. Everything is used: manipulation, threats, blackmail. Some particularly far-sighted women even set the relatives and friends of the man himself against this decision. Not to say that this is the rarest occurrence, but one should not deny that the hurt pride of the sweetest and most modest girl can come back to haunt you.
Take a candid look at the state of things.
Most likely, you miss your single life.
You remember how cool it used to be to walk and not worry about anything. The thought that youth will return after a divorce pushes you towards it. But let's be honest. With myself.
Admit it, while you are in the family, it seems that if your wife were not around, you would be wooing dozens of young ladies. You would be basking in female attention, and only a fucking ring would stop you.
But is it? It's easy to talk about seduction strategies when watching from the outside. Agree that you have long lost your grip, if you had it at all. And in reality, everything may not be as rosy as it seems. And you already left your wife.
Time will pass, you will try to communicate with women. And you realize that the girls have grown up a long time ago.
And you can’t get them with sweets/flowers, as it was during your youth.
The girls grew up and became smart, cunning and treacherous. They have already been traumatized by other men, and now they are not so gullible.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t just use girls anymore. They grew teeth, tails on their butts beaten by someone, and horns to boot.
If you are so very drawn to others, then it’s better to just try. Allow yourself to go and flirt with women. Try to seduce them, interest them. Remember the game of seduction by taste.
Perhaps you will be satisfied and can again enjoy one beloved wife. Or maybe you will finally understand that you like freedom more.
What to do if you are in doubt?
Situations are different. But it often happens that after a divorce, nothing really changes, except for the woman next to you.
If you are unsure whether to get a divorce, you can give your relationship a trial period.
For example, offer your wife to live separately for a couple of months. You kind of broke up, but not completely. Look at your life without a family and make sure that you are better off this way.
Or, on the contrary, you will begin to get bored and realize that it’s good at home. And you could make a mistake.
Your wife will also look at life without you and will slowly begin to get used to it. If you ultimately decide to leave, the adjustment period will help her accept the breakup more calmly.
If you decide to stay, you can reconsider your marriage and realize what problems you really have. And think about how to remove them.
I am sure that your wife also does not speak of you as an impeccable husband.
By trying to change and become better for each other, you will save the relationship and upgrade it.
Reasons for divorce
There are many reasons for breaking up a relationship. Divorce from his wife is one of the most difficult experiences for a man. Here, not only does a long-term relationship collapse, but trust is also lost. The most natural reaction is a feeling of all-encompassing mental pain. Let's take a closer look at the reasons for what is happening. It is worth understanding them to prevent complications.
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Treason
When a woman suddenly finds a lover, the very fact hits her self-esteem painfully. With the news of infidelity comes disappointment. It seems like it will never get better. Cheating becomes a stumbling block for many couples. Not every partner is able to forgive their other half for such a moment. A man can become so upset that he no longer controls his feelings. Insults, blackmail, accusations, and discontent are used.
Treason is a serious reason for dissolving a union.
Losing interest in each other
When love passes, people feel like they have become strangers. There is no longer a desire to overcome obstacles or set goals. Partners can come to this ending as a result of unjustified efforts and disappointments. Sometimes it is enough to systematically listen to refusals. Feelings of loneliness in marriage are not uncommon. Sometimes people, being under the same roof, remain barely acquaintances. The big problem is the reluctance to solve problems together.
Empty nest syndrome
Sometimes people who have raised children suddenly realize that they have no reason to stay together anymore. They have already fulfilled their parental duty. An emptiness settles in the soul, a feeling of wasted years appears. Dissatisfaction is growing every day. Often partners begin to blame each other. At such moments, it seems that there is no longer any point in staying together. Empty nest syndrome is a difficult experience for both partners. Some people can’t stand it and prefer to break up.
When exactly should you get a divorce?
It's really worth getting a divorce when you both are sure that it's the right thing to do. When you both want to break up and forget about each other.
It may also be that your wife will be shocked by your decision. But you have long ceased to be afraid of losing her and have no doubt that you want a free life. If you are firmly convinced, then her opinion no longer matters.
Then just go ahead and don’t look back.
If you are leaving because of a new young lady, then think about what exactly attracts you to her? And, most importantly, can you get this from your wife?
If this is beauty, a cheerful mood and a burning look, then, believe me, all this can be rekindled in your wife. The right approach, pleasant words and constant work on mistakes in the family will re-ignite your love.
How to survive a divorce painlessly
Breaking up always hurts. Sometimes it is difficult to imagine the whole range of feelings that one experiences. Being in depressing circumstances, it seems that life stops. The individual world collapses. It takes a lot of effort to fully recover from the blow. The question of whether it is possible to break up calmly is a very relevant one, since you want to maintain mutual respect. Here you need to follow the rules.
Taking responsibility
The choice must be made consciously. There is no point in endlessly immersing yourself in accusations and thinking in stereotypes. People don’t always spoil relationships; after a breakup, it’s possible to maintain respect and sympathy. Whatever the reason, you need to understand that adults are aware of the consequences of their actions. That's why you don't need to swear too much and refuse to communicate.
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Setting Mutual Boundaries
When breaking up, it is important for people to discuss all the conditions. Former partners strive for comfort. They don’t want to constantly sort things out. There is no need to violate established boundaries. It is necessary to agree on how the spouses will interact in the future. It is important to try not to infringe on personal boundaries. Showing respect allows for a comfortable interaction. With effort, it is quite possible to agree on any conditions.
Confidence in being right
It is impossible to separate without a scandal if you are not sure of the choice you have made. Such a decision is not made in one minute. It will take time to decide on your own values, to understand how you want to live further. Breaking up a relationship will be easier if partners have worked through their feelings in advance.
It is useful to overcome anxiety, despair and hopelessness, then we can talk about a successful outcome. There is hardly any point in forcing things. The feeling of confidence will not come immediately, but it will definitely appear. The main thing is not to retreat and not to give in to provocations.
What is the right way to separate from your wife?
The woman who married you has every right to a calm and peaceful separation. And know why you decided to get a divorce.
Therefore, do it only in person. Leave all notes, messages or silent escapes from home to assholes.
Remember also that the most terrible behavior for a girl will be your hesitant tossing around.
The situation when a man leaves and then returns is the most stressful and painful for a woman.
Girls need certainty. If you decide to leave, then leave forever.
What reaction from your wife should you be prepared for?
Women feel everything subtly and understand the emotions of others. It is likely that she has long suspected something was wrong and noticed changes in your behavior.
In this case, her reaction may be more or less calm. After all, if she still hasn’t raised this topic, it means she’s ready to break up.
In the second case, your decision will be a shock and a blow for her.
Family is the most important thing for a woman. This is what she lives for.
And the understanding that everything that has been done is crumbling greatly hurts any girl. Therefore, be prepared for tears, hysteria, and anger. This is an emotional outburst that will ultimately calm her down. And you can have a normal conversation.
Now you are the one who is ruining her life. And, most likely, divorce for her is not a new life, but the collapse of her entire life.
The child is not to blame
At the age of four to seven years, a child perceives himself at the center of the world and may begin to blame himself. Especially if he had previously seen parents quarrel over education: for example, one wanted to punish the child for a broken cup, and the second said that he just needed to buy a new one. If the divorce followed a series of such quarrels, the child may think that he and his behavior are to blame. That is why children over three years old can and should be explained that this is not so.
Blame others | Take responsibility |
We are leaving because we are tired of quarreling. Your father doesn't have the brains to communicate without tantrums. | Recently, my relationship with my dad has deteriorated, and it is better for us to live separately. It's no one's fault, it happens. We both love you very much and remain your parents. |
The child needs to be repeated many times and in different contexts that no one is to blame for the divorce: neither himself, nor relatives, nor family friends. It just happens in life: adults drift apart.
What should you do when separating from your wife?
Be sure to speak without witnesses. Choose a suitable time and place. Please note that your conversation may last for several hours.
The most important thing you have to do is convince your wife that everything will be fine .
Convey to her that she will be much better off without a husband who does not want to be her husband. Open up divorce to her as an opportunity to meet a truly loving and ideal man who will make her the happiest person in the world.
Make sure that the divorce does not cause any financial problems or conflicts with children.
You can promise financial support for the first time. The woman will feel much calmer this way.
If you have children, convince your wife that you will take care of them after the divorce.
You will no longer be a married couple, but you will forever remain the parents of your children.
Discuss how much time they will spend with you and how much time they will spend with her. Give guarantees of material and moral support in any situation.
In general, discourage your wife from all fears of a future life without a husband.
Basic rules of conduct
Next, you should adhere to the following tips:
- Don’t shy away from counter questions, answer them clearly and specifically. Don’t shout that you’ve decided to get a divorce; you shouldn’t pack your things and leave right away either. And even more so, ignore your wife’s attempts to talk to you. Don't run from the problem, but solve it.
- An ideal place for a conversation is an embankment, a bench in a park, a clearing by a river. In this case, you will, on the one hand, be alone, and on the other, the place will be crowded, which can protect you from violent scandals. Think about where your wife will be more comfortable. You should not have a conversation with her at work, in a restaurant, or in front of children.
- The optimal time for conversation is lunch. It is during this period that a person is most ready to perceive information. There is no need to do this in the morning, so as not to ruin the whole day; also, the evening is not the best option, since your wife is unlikely to be able to sleep.
- Whatever one may say, your wife is not a stranger to you, you have been together for many years, so do everything to maintain friendly relations.
- If your wife reacted adequately to your decision and agreed to a divorce, then you can immediately begin discussing the details of the division of property and raising children. If there is hysteria and denial, then you should give your spouse time to cool down and return to the conversation later. Consult with a divorce lawyer to determine the best course of action for you.
- Do not share this information with friends or relatives. First, talk to your wife, it will not be very good if she finds out about your intentions from someone else.
If the wife does not want to agree to a divorce, start the process unilaterally. There is no way around this without lawyers.