Psychology of separation: stages of breaking up a relationship. How to survive the stages of separation with dignity: advice from psychologists

What is a breakup

A breakup is the cessation of any connection between two people. Basically, it occurs when a couple does not see further ways for their development. Relationships reach a dead end, their meaning is lost. If both partners understand this, then the breakup will be less tragic.

If one of the couple decides to leave everything and leave, then the farewell process is delayed and brings unbearable pain and devastation. The abandoned person begins to look for the reasons for the separation and initially tries to return the relationship. He can recover from passion only by sequentially going through all stages of separation.

Possible reasons for breakups

If a couple is not destined to be together, then there are a thousand reasons for separation. However, the most common ones can be grouped into nine large groups:

Loss of trust. Groundless or justified jealousy most often destroys strong relationships. If one of the couple constantly feels deceived and abandoned, then sooner or later a break will occur.
Different plans for life together. A man and a girl cannot exist together for a long time if their goals do not intersect in any way. One partner may even stop the other from pursuing their dreams.
Emotional abuse. Vigilant control, manipulation, deprivation of voting rights, prohibitions and insults lead to the fact that one of the members of the union cannot stand it and leaves.
Frustrated expectations. Most often, girls create the image of a handsome prince, hoping that the guy will match him. But the reality is much harsher. Ladies become disappointed in young men, begin to feel dissatisfied, and criticism appears more and more often in the conversation. Under such conditions, the couple exists for some time and breaks up.
Dependencies. At the beginning of a relationship, the partner puts up with the weaknesses of the other half, hoping to improve the situation. However, in the fight against alcoholism, drug addiction or gambling addiction, addiction often emerges as the winner, which leads to a breakup.
Boredom. People can be kept together by children, shared finances, and business. But when significant objects disappear, partners realize that they no longer have common topics for conversation. Distance and boredom foreshadow separation.
Different speed of development. It is observed when one person is constantly developing and improving, while the other does not want to engage in cognitive activity. The result is different interests and priorities.
Financial difficulties. Inconsistency in spending and reproaches about a small salary do not lead to anything good.
Emotional and physical breakdown. Partners do not know how to hear and listen to each other, empathy is difficult for them. Physical intimacy no longer brings pleasure.

To maintain a relationship, lovers need to learn to understand, respect, and accept each other with all their strengths and weaknesses. If you ignore this, the beautiful union will remain in the past, and it will be replaced by a painful separation.

Stages of separation

There are six stages of separation:

Denial of what is happening.
Expression or suppression of feelings.
Bargaining or attempts to patch up relationships.
Apathy towards everything that happens.
Acceptance of the situation and humility.
A second wind or a new page in life.

The duration of each stage is individual. The duration is influenced by the motives for breaking up and the strength of feelings, as well as how long people have been in a relationship. Usually each condition is replaced by another within a few months. The stages smoothly flow into each other, but repetitions are not excluded.

A person must completely go through all the stages in order to understand the situation, come to terms with the partner’s decision and start a new life with a pure soul.

Stage No. 1. Denial of loss: “No, this couldn’t happen!” or “No, this is not with me!”

At this stage, men and women experience feelings such as fear, misunderstanding, and severe anxiety. Denial is one of the main psychological defense mechanisms and occurs when an event causes severe stress in a person and he refuses to accept it.

For consciousness, this is a certain delay in time to digest everything that is happening. After a breakup, your brain doesn't want to accept that your loved one is no longer in your life. Shared goals, values, hopes and plans - losing all this turns out to be unbearable. Then we can find justification and reassurance for ourselves, that everything that happened is temporary, that this is some kind of misunderstanding and the relationship will definitely resume. A clear understanding of the situation will come later.

The important task of going through this stage is to get closer to realizing the reality of what is happening, no matter how painful it may be. Any support would be helpful. Therefore, there is no need to be afraid to seek psychological help: this can be simple communication with loved ones, friends, or consultation with a specialist.

Stage No. 2. Expression of feelings: “I hate him/her! I hate myself!"

After realizing the loss, strong negative emotions will most likely surge: anger, anger, contempt, jealousy. We feel angry at our beloved for leaving, and at ourselves for not being able to keep him or her and not correcting the situation in time. There may be accusations and even threats against your loved one. This stage is also characterized by panic from the realization that he will no longer be around.

It is important, on the one hand, not to repress negative feelings, not to forbid oneself to be angry, and, on the other hand, not to go too far in showing aggression: not to threaten, not to use physical force against a former partner and not to try to take revenge. All negative emotions need to be released in a way that is safe for yourself and others.

For example, express them on paper, cry or scream, keep a diary, etc. You can tidy up your things by throwing away or putting away everything related to your previous relationship. Often this helps to free oneself from oppressive memories and get rid of unnecessary negativity.

Stage No. 3. Attempts to correct the situation and return everything: “Or maybe we can try again?”

After the anger and contempt have subsided, the desire to renew the relationship often comes. This is some kind of attempt to deceive yourself and believe that you can return your loved one. It can manifest itself either only in a mental desire to return everything, or in actions: phone calls, messages to a former partner, scheduling meetings.

There is a great temptation to linger at this stage, but this should not be allowed. Otherwise, an obsession can easily develop. It is important to occupy your thoughts with something else, switch to an activity that will bring positivity (dancing, sports, creativity, etc.). Any attempts to meet with your ex-lover or write SMS must be postponed until the desire to do so disappears.

Stage No. 4. Indifference, depression: “There is no point in doing anything. I do not want anything"

Depends on the success of passing the previous stages and may not occur if the condition begins to return to normal. Otherwise, the person faces emotional exhaustion and becomes depressed. Most often this manifests itself in a state of apathy, unwillingness to do anything.

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This is a very dangerous stage, so it is urgent to take measures to combat stress (do not stay alone, but communicate more and share your experiences with loved ones, use relaxation techniques, engage in physical exercise and creativity, seek help from a psychologist).

Stage No. 5. Acceptance of the situation: “Yes, it’s a shame, but such is life!”

There is recognition of the loss and end of the relationship, the emotional state gradually stabilizes. The fifth stage is characterized by the fact that a person comes to terms with the need to separate, stops carrying the burden of the past, and “let go” of the situation.

It is important to learn from previous relationships, realize the mistakes in your behavior and what you were able to learn during this time.

In addition to the above, you can learn about how to get over a breakup on our website.

These stages of separation are associated with overcoming the stress that a woman or man experiences after breaking up with her loved one.

Stage No. 6. Return to life: “I’m starting to live from scratch”

Fresh strength appears, a person becomes more energetic and self-confident, he can begin to actively change something in the environment. This is the time when new ideas are born in thoughts and there is a desire not only to dream, but also to make plans. By moving to the 6th stage of separation, we gain significant experience and regain our faith in the future.

Few people think about the fact that the separation process goes through 6 stages. Sometimes they happen quickly, sometimes they drag on. But ultimately, their cycle is aimed at the harmonious completion of relationships, preserving the integrity of the individual and ensuring that everyone who experiences a loss comes to the conclusion: “Life goes on, and everything will definitely work out for me!”

Why is it so bad?

It is necessary to understand how internal chemical processes occur. When a person falls in love, at the very beginning of the relationship, happiness hormones begin to be produced in his brain, namely oxytocin and dopamine. Literally, “wings grow” behind your back, “butterflies are fluttering” in your stomach, the lover is ready to move mountains, he is filled with a feeling of joy. When your other half is nearby, these hormones splash out into the blood in large quantities, the so-called reward system turns on and the person feels happy.

If you delve deeper into this topic, you can divide the process into several periods:

When lovers begin to meet, those same “wings behind your back” or “butterflies in your stomach” appear. The hormone Testosterone in men and Estrogen in women are responsible for this.
Dopamine is responsible for the desire to achieve a partner. He is responsible for the inner confidence in pleasure with a partner. At the stage of falling in love, Cortisol is produced, which puts a person in a state of stress. Then Adrenaline begins to be released, as a result of which there is a desire to “jump and gallop” at the sight of a favorite object, that same frantic heart rhythm, as if it is about to jump out of the chest.
When you fall in love, the level of Norepinephrine actively increases. It stores in memory all the stimuli associated with the loved one, according to scientific “imprinting”. The image of the passion will be imprinted in the brain, thereby making it difficult to easily survive the breakup in the future. At the same time, the level of the hormone Serotonin decreases, that is, obsessive thoughts about a dear and sweet object do not leave.
When a relationship develops in the right direction, everything is good and calm, the person feels emotional stability, and the partners produce Oxytocin. This process was conceived by nature so that the couple would be together and engage in procreation.

But something went wrong and the moment of separation came. The same system of rewards and feelings of happiness ceases to function. In its place, another protective system of the body is activated - the pain perception system, and stress hormones are produced. They, in turn, affect the entire body, the immune system, cardiovascular, digestive.

The brain receives many signals, and all these signals are the same as during physical pain, so the person feels very bad, although nothing hurts him. The phrase “Broken Heart” is not just a catchphrase, it can be explained theoretically. Serious pathological disorders in the functioning of the heart muscle under the influence of stress hormones. In the most severe and advanced cases, they can even lead to death.

Restoring emotional balance after separation occurs differently for everyone, it all depends on the type of nervous system, various circumstances accompanying separation, as well as the efforts and desires made by a person to start a new life.

Quote Depression after a breakup is not a disease! This is acclimatization in a new period of life.

Victor Sdoy

How do women cope with separation?

Girls in love hope to live a long and happy life with their partner.
They paint beautiful pictures of the future in their imagination, so they perceive the news of separation extremely painfully. When breaking up, all stages in a woman occur in a more pronounced form: emotions are brighter, attempts at reconciliation are more active, depression is deeper, periods last longer. Some girls become so withdrawn into themselves that the state of apathy does not leave them for several years. To make the recovery period faster and easier, psychologists recommend that a woman create a different image for herself. The new personality must be successful, independent and strong. Gradually, the girl will begin to feel more confident, her self-esteem will increase, and her emotional wounds will heal.

Main stages for girls

Back in 1969, the famous American psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross created the “5 Stages of Loss” system, showing what phases will need to go through at the time of a breakup before starting life over again.

The system includes the following stages:

shock and denial of what is happening;
expression of feelings and emotions;
dialogue and bargaining;
depression;
humility (acceptance of the situation).

Each woman goes through all stages differently. The phases may differ for girls who have been in a relationship for a long time, since spiritual connections and emotions that manifest themselves in a long-term union are not always born in a short period.

Shock and denial after a breakup

Immediately after a breakup, a woman is in a state of shock.
She is completely unaware of the painful reality. It is difficult for her to understand that the chosen one will not call or come again.

At this stage, the girl does not believe that joint plans for the future have collapsed. Here a defensive reaction of consciousness is triggered, the main goal of which is to deny what is happening. A woman’s mind closes off from developing events to help her cope with the pain of loss.

There are several types of denial:

The woman does not want to understand and denies the fact that such a nuisance happened to her.
Not accepting the breakup. The girl believes that she and her partner have given each other more freedom. Therefore, the couple will meet a little less often.
Incomplete denial. The woman thinks that their separation is a short pause in the relationship. After a while, everything will work out, and they will get back together again.

The stage of shock and denial can last from half an hour to a year. Under no circumstances should this phase be prolonged. If a woman deceives her mind for a long time and believes that the separation is temporary, disruptions in the nervous system may occur.

The girl, somewhere deeply, is still aware of what is happening, but tries not to notice it. She always needs to control her behavior and thoughts. All these actions can lead to deep depression or nervous exhaustion.

Important! During this period, a woman especially needs the support of family and friends. In the absence of help, the stage of shock and denial of what is happening may drag on.

Expressing feelings and emotions

After the realization comes that the woman has ended her relationship with her lover, all negative emotions and feelings break through. The girl begins to feel resentment, anger, hatred, irritation. She often lashes out at people around her and gets nervous.

Reproaches towards your chosen one begin to appear. The girl thinks that it is he who is to blame for the fact that they broke up.

Sometimes thoughts arise that the individual himself is to blame for what happened. However, the woman will not demonstrate her feelings in any way. This happens due to the fact that the victim’s internal ban on anger is triggered. Under no circumstances should you keep everything to yourself.

Expressing anger and aggression helps to ease your state of mind and heal. Otherwise, resentment and painful sensations can haunt you for the rest of your life.

Psychologists often advise women to retire to some deserted place and throw out their aggression by screaming. This is how they can get rid of the negative feelings that sit inside.

Dialogue and bargaining

At this stage, the girl is trying to establish a dialogue with her ex-partner and get him back.
The victim promises the man for a long time to change, to forgive her lover all his mistakes and to close his eyes to his shortcomings.

She will stubbornly look for reasons to be with her chosen one.

When negotiating with a man, a woman usually uses one of the following methods:

Bargain. The girl persuades her chosen one to return on the conditions that she will behave as her beloved wants. Sometimes the technique works, but for a short period of time.
“Delay” of separation. A certain time period is assigned when the girl will behave in such a way that her loved one will change his mind about breaking off relations with her. Sometimes this method works. However, often it simply helps a woman get over the moment of separation more easily and realize that the couple will never recover.
Persuasion and convincing your partner that he is making a mistake by breaking up with his girlfriend. The injured person tries to save the relationship by explaining to the chosen one the mistakes they made. She convinces her companion that the union is not as bad as he imagines it to be. This method is the most effective.

A suffering woman is often obsessed with the idea of renewing the relationship and winning back the love of her companion. Overly impressionable people begin to follow the chosen one, they can blackmail and even threaten.

Attention! To renew a relationship with a partner, a woman is ready to do anything. The satellite often uses this to its advantage. It is important to be careful in proposing terms for restoring the union.

Depression

After a woman has experienced vivid emotions and negative feelings in relation to parting with her companion, she experiences spiritual emptiness. This condition can drag on for a long period and develop into depression. At this stage, the woman feels helpless and defenseless. The injured person realizes that the union can no longer be restored. Despair and fear come to her.

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Often a girl loses interest in life, close people, and her work. She stops taking care of herself for a while and can lie in bed for days and not communicate with anyone. Prolonged depression negatively affects a woman’s health. A severe degree of emotional exhaustion sometimes leads to reluctance to live and attempts at suicide.

If a woman cannot independently cope with the depressive state that occurs due to a breakup with a man, she needs to consult a psychologist. A specialist will help you remember all the pleasant moments of the relationship, work through the situation and move on to the next stage.

At the stage of depression, a woman is not yet ready to start life from scratch. Anxiety and fear settle in her heart that this situation may repeat itself in the future. During this period, experts advise:

meet with friends, family;
do not stay alone for a long time;
throw yourself into work;
change your image;
devote more time to your favorite activity.

Psychologists also recommend changing the environment and taking a short vacation. You can go with friends on vacation to the sea or to the mountains.

Humility and acceptance of the situation

At the final stage, the woman accepts the separation and comes to terms with the situation when nothing can be changed and the relationship can no longer be resumed. The injured person's nervous system is restored. She realizes that she has come a hard way and is grateful to fate for the experience she has gained.

Attention! Sometimes a girl has individual memories of a lost relationship. However, they are no longer frustrating or upsetting. The injured person perceives the situation calmly and thanks the partner for the pleasant moments they had during communication.

Of course, sometimes memories from the past slip through, but now they do not cause pain, but are perceived with gratitude for the experience gained.

Having gone through the last stage, the woman understands that life goes on and there is no need to get hung up on the current situation. New hobbies, acquaintances, interests appear. For her, the world again becomes colorful and filled with pleasant events. The girl no longer holds a grudge or hates her former lover and is already making new plans for the future with a light heart.

How to forget your partner and move on with your life

Probably every person in his life has encountered separation, separation. Recovering from a breakup is very difficult. Most people have a hard time breaking up painlessly and forgetting their passion. After all, the brain will treacherously remind you of happy moments and pleasant meetings. Still, you will have to live on, so it is worth emphasizing the main points:

Respect each other, no matter how difficult it may seem. Despite the great desire to say a harsh or unpleasant phrase, try to remain silent, be above it. Passions will subside and you will feel ashamed.
Return or give away things that connect you to the past.
Delete numbers, social network accounts, unsubscribe from everywhere and don’t even think about following them. Accept your ex's new life and also accept your new life.
Keep your distance. Realize the fact that you are no longer together, so avoid meeting.
Don't have empty hopes for a reunion. Everything in this world is not eternal, everything ends.

How to deal with negative emotions

To survive all stages after a breakup, girls must have strong nerves and/or very caring loved ones. Women cope with this difficult period differently, but we have some advice for each. Following them will help you feel better after breaking up with your loved one.

Let go of your partner

After separation, you must not deceive yourself and make it clear that the relationship is over. Having done this, a person will not constantly remember the past and try to return his soulmate. If you often think about a man, his and your actions, the situation will only get worse. The woman will overwhelm herself and may become completely withdrawn. And this often leads to mental disorders. To prevent this from happening, you need to understand that you cannot get your ex-partner back and try to forget about him. Of course, at first it will be difficult to do this, but you will have to try.

If you find it difficult to let go of your loved one, do so as not to remind yourself of him again. Remove all things associated with him from the apartment: gifts, photographs together. Don't cross paths at meetings of mutual friends.

Love yourself

After a breakup, women may have complexes about their appearance and internal state. Many people feel insecure and think that no one else will want to meet or date them. To prevent this from happening, you need to remember all your good traits, virtues, and understand that you are not as bad as you think about yourself at the moment. You can’t stop taking care of yourself, you need to:

get in shape - sign up for dance classes, buy a gym membership, work out at home or in the yard;
take care of your health - do not ignore possible symptoms of any diseases, visit doctors on time;
try to stick to the right diet - don’t give up everything sweet, fatty and eat little. You need to reconsider your diet, add more healthy foods and try to eat less junk food. In a state of depression, girls rarely cook for themselves, but eat ready-made store-bought food, which is not always healthy. Make delicious dishes for your loved one and decorate them beautifully;
Don’t forget about your wardrobe - treat yourself to a new thing: a handbag or shoes. Go shopping and update some of your things.

Also, don't ignore your achievements, praise yourself if you know you've done something worthy.

After breaking up, many people change their image: hairstyle, clothing style, even learn to do different makeup. This helps you take your mind off problems, look at yourself from a different perspective and become more confident.

Don't be alone

After a breakup, it is important not to withdraw into yourself so that obsessive thoughts do not haunt you. Don't avoid communicating with relatives, colleagues, meet old friends. More often than not, girls are scared that everyone will want to discuss the breakup, but this is not the case. Close people and good friends will not question you. And if among them there are those who are interested in someone else’s life, immediately hint to them that you have chosen many other interesting topics for conversation. When you still want to share your experiences, choose only those to whom you can calmly tell everything and be sure that you will be supported, and the latest news will not spread among your friends.

If there is no person among your family with whom you could discuss the problem, sign up for a session with a psychologist. One visit will be enough to describe your feelings.

Note the positive aspects of the breakup

After going through all the stages of separation, women often change their outlook on life and on past relationships. At first glance, it seems impossible to find anything good in the fact that your loved one left you. But think about what could have happened if he hadn't decided to do it now. Did you cheat? Told you I love you when I don't? This can no longer be called love. Therefore, you need to understand that if a man decided to leave, then he really had reasons. And it's good that he did it at this moment. Often bad events are replaced by good ones. And if you broke up with this guy, then later you will meet someone who will be better than him.

In addition, you can remember what you didn’t like about your relationship with your guy. You may find many negative aspects that you got rid of after separation. Now you definitely have more free time for personal hobbies, work, meetings with friends and relatives. If your ex-boyfriend asked you not to do something that you like, then now everything is only in your control.

Male psychology

Despite the complete external discrepancy, in emotional terms, the psychology of guys after a breakup is no different from women’s. From the cradle, men are taught to hide tears, suppress emotions, and be calm on the outside. As a result, if you look at the days after the breakup through the eyes of a guy, they are full of silent torment, self-criticism, pain and despair. And all this crashing emotional lava is under the strictest ban on display. Closeness and inability to speak out leads to aggression, a search for adrenaline and any strong negative emotions.

The reason for aggression in men is the inability to express and cry out their feelings, so after breaking up, anger will look for a way out. Some will decide to go down a steep hill or jump with a parachute, others will find adrenaline in high speed and illegal night races, others will drown their sorrows in alcohol and run into drunken fights. If this is also spurred on by the beginning of a new union with an ex-girlfriend, then the instinct of possessiveness and the desire to increase self-esteem will make you forget through short affairs with a variety of girls.

Some advice from psychologists

A painful breakup brings a lot of grief to guys and girls. In psychology, separation is seen as a difficult life test that not everyone can overcome on their own. But there are a few tips to help improve the situation:

Understand that it will take a long time to heal a broken heart.
It is recommended to change your lifestyle, change your image.
Psychologists advise finding a hobby that will bring satisfaction. You can do things that you never got around to, for example, start running in the morning.

But the first step is to remove the object of your desire from all subscriptions on social networks. This is necessary so that the beloved is seen as little as possible and does not remind him of the past.

Don't lock yourself at home

People experiencing a breakup with their beloved soul mate are not recommended to isolate themselves from society and use an apartment instead of a dungeon.
Constantly staying within four walls will worsen your general condition and cause irreparable damage to the nervous system. A person risks being stuck in a depressive period for many months or years. This is interesting: Beautiful words to a girl: TOP pleasant and affectionate phrases

Every day you need to come up with an excuse to go outside, visit shops, parks, exhibitions, theaters and cinemas. You need to strive for communication, try to be in crowded places where you can hear laughter, and smiles shine on the faces of those around you. A pleasant atmosphere will charge the abandoned person with positive emotions. His recovery will speed up.

See a Psychotherapist

Psychology has carefully studied the stages of separation, so experts in this field successfully conduct psychotherapy sessions that help people go through all the stages to the end. By completing the course, a person learns to correctly express all accumulated feelings, gets rid of them, and reaches a new level of his life.

If, after a breakup, a man or woman feels anger, rage or anger at the mention of their partner, then they cannot do without the help of a psychologist. You should not delay your visit to a specialist, because the longer you delay solving the problem, the harder the recovery will be.

Breakup is not the end of life, but a person realizes this fact only after going through all the stages of the breakup to the end. After recovery, he already remembers his past partner with slight sadness and does not harbor any grudges. He begins a new path in life, full of freedom, discoveries, impressions, acquaintances and relationships.

Psychological frustration

The physiological cocktail of neurotransmitters and hormones that bubbles through us during and after a breakup provokes more than just physical sensations. These substances regulate emotions and make us feel and experience.

So if you want to ask whether this mixture of pain, bitterness, hope, resentment, despair and other things can be avoided, the correct answer is no.

You can try to deny your emotions, run away from their awareness, or try to give them a different color - I’m not suffering from the loss of a loved one, I’m angry; I suffer not because I loved him, but because he turned out to be an asshole. But like the realization of other traumatic events, this too must move through the universal stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, resignation - and come to acceptance of the situation and restoration of integrity.

How to survive separation from a man?

The stages of depression during separation in women are longer and more emotionally expressed. There are cases when they could not overcome this stage for more than 10 years.

To cope with this condition, experts recommend creating for yourself the image of a successful, strong girl and getting used to it as much as possible. Try to experience as many pleasant emotions as possible. If you adhere to this rule, you increase the chance of finding a new partner for a relationship. This will help heal your mental wounds.

An important point is self-respect and self-love. If a woman does not value herself, then men will especially not pay attention to her.

What to do in case of prolonged depression

If depression has dragged on and a person has been stuck in the fourth stage for a long time, it is necessary to immediately make attempts to get rid of the oppressive state. Psychologists advise listening to the following recommendations:

The rehabilitation process will be long if the person does not give up the desire to renew the connection. You need to throw away things that remind you of a failed romance. It is necessary to avoid the favorite places of the former couple.
To relieve thoughts, a person should devote himself to a pleasant job or favorite hobby. The main thing is that you don’t need to throw yourself into activities headlong, so as not to suffer from workaholism in the future.
Sport is a good remedy for depression. During physical exercise, the production of serotonin and endorphins - hormones of happiness and good mood - increases. You need to make a strong-willed effort and force yourself to run in the morning or ride a bike.

To get rid of negative emotions and pain from loss, you don’t need to hold back your tears. If you want to cry, then you shouldn’t stop yourself. The sooner the pain comes out, the sooner the situation will be accepted.
A change of scenery will be helpful. You can go on vacation to another country, go on an excursion to a neighboring city. If it is not possible to leave for a while, rearranging your apartment will give an impetus to a wonderful future.
You shouldn't isolate yourself. The more diverse communication there is, the better. Cinema, concerts, theater, museums, exhibitions are excellent companions on the path to a new life.
To diversify gray everyday life, you can partially or completely change your image. With a new hairstyle, your self-perception will change.
During depression, it is important to watch your diet. A lack of vitamins and microelements can aggravate the situation, so it is necessary to introduce more fruits and vegetables into the diet.
You need to forgive yourself and your partner for the fact that the relationship did not work out. There is no need to look for those to blame. It is necessary to leave the situation in the past.

When you cannot cope with a depressive state on your own, you should seek help from a psychotherapist or psychologist.

What to avoid during this period

After breaking up with a loved one, it is very important not to make mistakes, otherwise the pain from the loss will be stronger, and the process of accepting the situation will last longer. To prevent depression, you need to listen to the following tips:

You should not seek solace in drugs and alcohol. It is the escape from negativity that healing requires.
There is no need to start a new relationship immediately after a quarrel in order to forget your ex-wife. It won't help. The burden of unresolved problems and mental pain will not go away. Plus, it wouldn't be fair to the other person.
You should not try to find solace in spontaneous sexual relationships. Changing out of spite is not an option. This behavior can increase self-blame.
There is no need to take revenge on the offender. Someone else's grief will not bring relief.
You should not engage in emotional striptease by publishing various statuses, pictures and songs on social networks. The fewer reminders of past relationships there are, the easier it will be to adapt to new living conditions.

There is no need to manipulate suicide. Such behavior will characterize the person as unbalanced and requiring medical attention. After such antics, the loved one still does not want to return and restore the relationship.
If the reason for breaking up with your spouse was that he had a mistress, there is no need to look for any flaws in yourself, otherwise complexes will inevitably appear.
In order not to develop feelings of guilt and prolonged depression, it is necessary to distance yourself from people who pester you with moralizing and advice. But if your loved ones simply don’t know how to support you in a difficult situation, you need to tell them directly how best to do it.

No matter how painful parting with your husband may be, we should not forget that this is not the end of life. There will definitely be other relationships, new love and happiness ahead. The main thing is to have a little patience and not do anything stupid.

conclusions

We have described five generally accepted stages of breakup in women. How and why they happen is important to pay attention to. In addition, they gave some advice on how to behave after separation so that it would be less painful. The stages of separation for women after a long relationship and a fleeting one may differ and not be as pronounced. The length of some of them may be greater or less. But the overall picture is approximately the same. Knowing it, you will be able to control your behavior, paying attention to important points.

Advice from people who have experienced separation

To solve this problem, users are advised to adopt the following techniques:

If the separation was initiated by your ex, do everything to make him regret leaving you.
If the relationship is going downhill, break up with your other half first.
Behave as confidently as possible when meeting with mutual friends; they should not know that separation is bothering you.
Stop feeling like a victim.
Do charity work.
Learn to paint or sculpt with clay.
Go through all the stages of separation as quickly as possible.
Find out the truth about your relationship from the outside, perhaps in the future it will help you build a happy union.
Change your surroundings, start traveling.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. This advice especially applies to the stronger sex, because it is known that the stages of separation are much more difficult for men than for women.
Draw conclusions and do not repeat your mistakes in the future.

It is important to remember that men and women have very different views on relationships. And therefore, only that union can develop successfully in which both partners pursue the same goal (for example, starting a family) and are ready to listen to each other at any moment and find a solution to the problem together.

Differences in stages for short-term and long-term relationships

Coping with a breakup with a man with whom a woman had a long-term relationship is much more difficult than coping with the breakup of short flings and novels. Girls often fall into prolonged depression and cannot recover from the current situation for a long time. They withdraw into themselves and do not communicate with friends and family.

Psychologists recommend not to despair and look at the current situation from a different angle. Breaking up a relationship is always a chance to get serious about your career and become a professional in your field, an opportunity to start life from scratch.

Short-term romances are experienced quickly and easily . People have not yet had time to fully get used to each other, so the separation takes place without severe mental anguish and depressive states.

General recommendations for men and women

To make the breakup less painful, psychologists advise:

do not communicate or follow the lives of former lovers, remove them from all social networks and contacts;
join a sports club;
find new acquaintances;
update your appearance with clothes and accessories;
stock up on strength and patience to survive this temporary phenomenon;
don’t be alone, take more walks;
find your interests and hobbies.

Sources

https://love-is.org/stadii-rasstavaniya/
https://bestsemya.ru/psixologiya-otnoshenij-muzhchiny-i-zhenshhiny/izmenyssorykonflikty/stadii-rasstavaniya.html
https://lifemotivation.online/psychology/relationship/rasstavanie/stadii-prinyatiya-u-zhenshhin
https://otnoshenij.net/stadii-posle-rasstavaniya-u-zhenschin-kak-perezhit
https://feelcontrol.net/difficulty/parting/stadii-rasstavaniya.html
https://onelove.su/stadii-rasstavaniya/
https://la-estetica.ru/lyubov/stadii-rasstavaniya.html

Self-therapy diary

Keeping a diary is useful during any emotional upheaval; it allows you to express all the feelings and thoughts that torment you and becomes a calm for the mind, obsessively returning to the object of former love.

To take back control of your self-assessment, use a notebook, a pen, and your mind. Write down on paper both what you are grateful for to your partner, as well as the criticism and regrets that have accumulated during the relationship. Formulate why your relationship didn’t work: you wanted different things from life, you didn’t agree on values, the relationship was painful, someone suppressed someone. Make a list of things you had to sacrifice and compromises on that you didn't want to. Write down your daily thoughts and experiences, trying to comprehend the past stage and crystallize it into experience.

It is this experience at the end of your breakup that will become a new part of your personality, your wisdom and maturity. Meaningful experiences are your wealth. Even painful experiences can benefit the individual if they are recognized and processed.

Regaining your independence and learning to rely on yourself will serve your personality well: you are complete, and you don't need another person to have value, to know what to do and who to be.

After such work on understanding your emotional experience, you will feel relief and the beginning of a new life. Research shows that people who understand the reasons for a breakup recover faster and are more satisfied with their next relationship than those who do not reflect on it.

Deep distress

With such global changes in a person’s lifestyle, a state of deep distress can begin, which negatively affects the psychological state.

In the course of large studies using the methods of American psychiatrists Holmes and Ray, which examined the influence of various life circumstances on the level of stress, the following was revealed:

Divorce of spouses – scored 78 in terms of stress points, thus taking second place in destabilizing a person’s psychological state;

Immediately after divorce, parting with a lover comes in third place in terms of impact on the level of distress - 65 points.

For comparison, below are other impact-rated situations that show that a breakup is more painful for the vast majority of people than:

imprisonment (63 points);

death of a relative or loved one (63 points);

intractable or incurable disease (53 points).

Such a devastating effect from the breakup of a close relationship can be explained by the fact that, as a rule, people include their significant other in their life plans for the future, and imagining that everything will change now is not so easy. Relationships and the need for love are on the third step in Maslow’s famous pyramid of needs.

In addition to distress, a breakup can lead to subdepressive disorder, which is more severe than stress but milder than depression.

This syndrome includes the following symptoms:

low mood;

lack of will to take action, for example to work;

a feeling of deep sadness accompanied by tearfulness;

feeling of emptiness and loss of direction in life;

feeling of melancholy.

Such a state is normal after a breakup, but if it lasts more than four weeks or the symptoms intensify, we can talk about psychopathology and the transition of the syndrome to a state of clinical depression, which will not go away on its own and requires medical intervention.

The state of depression cannot be ignored, because without proper treatment it will only intensify and take on more and more severe forms. Ultimately, depression can be fatal - that is, lead to suicide.

This condition can be dangerous for a person of any gender and age; the patient often resorts to alcohol and drugs to drown out unpleasant symptoms. This is another danger of this disorder.