Relationships in a couple cannot remain unchanged; they go through several stages. One of the most dangerous stages is the disgust phase. It is during this period that, unfortunately, even quite prosperous and strong unions fall apart. The stage of disgust comes after the stage of falling in love and the next stage of satiety. As a rule, this crisis period occurs in the third year from the beginning of the novel. Sometimes this can happen earlier. In rare cases, the first stages last longer, and the disgust phase occurs around the seventh year of the relationship. Often by this time the couple is already married and even manages to have children.
On what basis do relationships develop?
The path to love is quite complex and consists of several stages in the development of relationships. It is impossible to be sure from the first meeting that a person is really your soul mate. Yes, there is love at first sight with a happy ending. But this is rather an exception to the rule, and such an event suggests that people really know how to maintain relationships and truly love.
Before you can understand the special significance of relationships in your life, you need to go through certain stages of their development. As is customary in psychology, there are seven such stages: falling in love, satiety, disgust, humility, service, friendship and love. How long does it take from the start of meetings to the cherished feeling, you say. But I would like to note that anyone who has not gone through all these stages in a relationship has not experienced true love.
Why is everything so difficult? Imagine a situation: a man and a woman decided to build a house. They so wanted to find real comfort and tranquility quickly that they neglected the quality of the foundation, and the walls were made from the cheapest materials. Inside, of course, they hung beautiful wallpaper and placed comfortable furniture. But at the very first bad weather, the foundation of the building began to wash away, the walls were askew, and the windows began to close poorly. As a result, moisture and cold began to penetrate into the rooms, and mold appeared on the walls. These two became completely uncomfortable living in such an environment. Soon they quarreled and could no longer remain a couple.
It’s the same in love: without building a high-quality foundation, without going through all the hardships and expenses, it is impossible to get real happiness. The path to a great goal is always very difficult, but the sweeter the victory will be in the end. So, let’s consider in order all 7 stages of relationships in a couple, preceding the most important feeling in a person’s life.
Love
The very beginning of a relationship is almost unforgettable: those first correspondence and calls that last until late at night, walks, excitement before the meeting. It’s all so beautiful and gives inspiration for creativity. The best poets and artists created their masterpieces under the influence of this level of relationships.
The partner’s shortcomings are practically not noticed, and the object of passion tries in every possible way to minimize them. At this stage, a person tries to show himself exclusively from his best side.
The period of falling in love does not last long: on average, up to a year. It can end even earlier if a man and woman tie the knot prematurely or simply start living together. Everyday life will quickly reduce the frequency of romantic dates, and, on the contrary, will increase the amount of dirty dishes and other not entirely pleasant elements of living together.
Therefore, not everyone is able to face a frightening reality and, having steadfastly withstood the blow, continue the relationship, moving to the next stage. Some individuals spend their whole lives breaking off another union after going through the stage of falling in love, because they sincerely believe that this is love and it is over. Only wisdom accumulated over the years can open their eyes to the real state of things and get out of the vicious circle. The next stage is less rosy, but not yet the most difficult that can happen.
Detail No. 2: partner donates
When something upsets you, your partner feels it and makes concessions: refuses to meet with friends, agrees to an unloved movie, takes on household responsibilities that are not his own. This may be a concession in a quarrel, conflict, or just everyday life, but it is a small sacrifice - a small renunciation of selfishness.
Tablet No. 2: test your feelings using the example of a big sacrifice
Yes, it is partly cruel to put your partner in a position where he will have to sacrifice and give up something more than a dirty plate or a place as the winner in an argument. But if relationships are at stake, then all means are fair in war. Only after seeing what concessions another person can make for you (who essentially, like all of us, lives only for himself), will you understand how deep your feelings are.
Satiation
This stage is like an intermediate link between the first and third stages. The passions have subsided, the flow of hormones has decreased, and the person begins to look at his partner with a more realistic look.
The other half is still insanely attractive, but besides her, other interests come to mind: friends, hobbies, reading. Something that literally a few months ago I didn’t want at all. Everything returns to normal, but the partner firmly occupies a certain niche in life. Usually at this stage there is an acquaintance with relatives and parents. The partner feels that the old emotions are leaving. And close people will be able to confirm or refute his doubts about the correctness of his choice of a life partner.
The satiety stage is characterized by some confusion. On the one hand, you feel uncomfortable, as the previous strong emotions cool down. On the other hand, the real perception of things is sobering, and you understand that in addition to communicating with your loved one, there is another life with all its delights.
Standing at a crossroads, willy-nilly you have to rethink everything that is happening, and again, not always in favor of continuing the relationship. After all, many people get hooked on the feeling of falling in love like a drug. And, having lost strong emotions, they need another “dose”, without realizing that this was just the beginning.
What can you do to make each stage go faster?
You can speed up the process of experiencing a breakup with the help of small tips. For example, you shouldn’t “lock” yourself at home.
Life goes on and you need to actively participate in it. Even if it's just regular walks before bed, this will already be a big step towards healing.
It is also worth taking care of your health, since many chronic diseases can become more active due to stress. Why add physical pain to mental pain?
If the situation with separation does not go away for a long time, then you should seek help from a psychotherapist. A specialist will help you artificially live through each stage in order to finally complete the separation process.
Author: Elena Gutyro
Disgust
This is the most difficult stage of a relationship. At this level, all those negative qualities of the other half that were not previously noticeable come to the surface. The rose-colored glasses are taken off, and all the ins and outs of the partner are exposed in all their glory.
Many people ask themselves: “How did I not notice this before?” And they begin to think that the loved one was simply wonderful in the art of pretense. It turns out that the partner is not a sweet whim, but a quarrelsome hysteric. Or he is not a free freelancer, but a guy with a constantly empty wallet. There are a lot of such examples. What previously seemed sweet and frivolous, as in a distorting mirror, changes beyond recognition.
But in fact, in the eyes of your partner at the stage of disgust, you look exactly the same: the disadvantages of your character and lifestyle are sharply highlighted and sometimes even exaggerated. Conflicts, misunderstandings, and deceptions begin. This further aggravates an already difficult situation.
Most breakups happen at this moment. People feel like they made a cruel mistake in their choice. And the song begins all over again - the search for love, violent emotions, addiction and, finally, broken dreams... After all, it is easier to think that you are constantly being deceived than that you do not know how to maintain a relationship.
Candy-bouquet period
The most wonderful stage of a relationship is when you want to pause the whole world and just enjoy each other. This stage is called the candy-bouquet stage or the stage of falling in love. You remember that there are still several stages to true love? By the way, at this stage it is not recommended to make serious decisions about a common future: marriage, children, etc.
Signs of falling in love:
- Idealizing a partner
- The desire to spend as much time with each other as possible
- Lack of interest in other people
- Feeling inspired, inspired
This period lasts differently for everyone - a month, half a year, a year. But it definitely ends, moving to a new phase. This is for the better, because scientists have proven that at the stage of falling in love, a person’s brain activity is as if under the influence of narcotic substances. If this period had lasted longer, physical and nervous exhaustion would have come very soon.
Humility
If the union has crossed the previous threshold, this means that both partners are wise and responsible enough. They take quarrels completely calmly and understand that the conflict will pass, but the sediment will remain. Therefore, they try to solve problems constructively.
The other half is now perceived not as a set of disadvantages and advantages, but as an integral personality with its own baggage of distinctive features. At this stage, such a mutually beneficial quality as respect for interests and manifestations of character appears. Therefore, emotional outbursts are no longer perceived as a red rag by both participants in the relationship. They both try, for each other’s benefit, not to start scandals out of nowhere, and even if a quarrel does occur, they quickly move away and make up.
This stage is also characterized by maximum expression of patience. Partners already know where they need to remain silent and where they can speak out, so as not to drive their loved one to a white heat.
The humility stage is where mature relationships begin. This means that partners clearly understand that in a couple it is important not only to listen, but also to hear each other.
Respect.
When people have gone through a number of tests together, get to know each other well, and have learned to accept their partners as they are, the fifth stage of the relationship begins.
It is characterized by a tight platonic attachment, the formation of a reserve of gratitude and trust. Partners easily share thoughts or feelings and understand each other’s needs.
What to do:
Now much less energy is spent on relationships. Having spiritual independence and respect for your partner, you can delve deeper into self-development. It is important to put the resources you have into action, avoiding despondency. It is advisable for everyone to have their own outlet.
Take the jealousy test
Service
A wonderful stage in which the participants in the relationship begin to enjoy the free gift of their love. Concessions are not a burden to them, and they have learned to accept manifestations of their partner’s shortcomings calmly or even with humor. The couple knows how to get away from conflict and how to prevent it in the bud.
At this level, love becomes stronger, calmness and tranquility reign at home. People simply live for each other and watch how their relationships develop. They give care and do not think about whether they will receive an equal amount of it in return. Although this will inevitably happen.
Truly adult individuals who have grown spiritually to find a real family - the way it should be - can reach this stage. Mutual assistance and service to each other is a kind of motto of such relations.
Love stage
Love is a reward to partners for the boundless patience and titanic work they put into their relationship. You can go towards it for many years, but when you reach this stage, you will no longer doubt the correctness and necessity of the path you have taken.
Signs of love:
- I want to spend time alone as much as possible
- Lack of jealousy and unlimited trust in your partner
- The desire to care for the beloved and give more than one can receive
The love stage can be similar to the falling in love stage. Only in the second case, the cause of the feelings were hormones, and love is painstaking and long work on a relationship. This is a spiritual connection that helps you enjoy each other every moment, understand desires and needs literally. This is a reward that very few couples achieve. Love and be loved!
Friendship
Having reached this stage, the partners learned respect, patience, mutual assistance and came close to the threshold of true love - friendship. The relationship has become so trusting that there are no longer any secrets or omissions between its participants. They solve problems together, consult on important issues and spend leisure time together.
At the same time, at the stage of friendship there is no place for jealousy, empty squabbles and flattery. Each participant in the relationship can tell the other his opinion and not be afraid that he will not be heard. Constructive criticism is welcome.
It is possible that at this stage of marital relations the boundaries of masculine and feminine principles are a little blurred and intimacy is lost. But there’s nothing you can do about it; on such a long and thorny path, losses are inevitable.
If you have reached this milestone, then you know that you have a strong shoulder to lean on in difficult times. You will never be let down, and all adversity seems not so terrible thanks to your soulmate.
Adviсe
My recommendations:
- Put away your smartphone, laptop, tablet. Communicate more in person.
- Find a common hobby - drawing, sports, music, board games, completing quests.
- Read and discuss the same book. You will better understand your partner's thoughts.
- Kiss more - sweetly at parting, passionately in bed, routinely when meeting.
- Hug and hold hands. When touched, dopamine is produced, which makes us happier.
- Tell us everything that amused you, disappointed you, touched you, or brought you into a stupor. Share your feelings not only towards him, but also your emotions regarding the environment.
- Give compliments. Tell him why you love him right now!
