I had a fight with my best friend or girlfriend. What to do?

After a strong quarrel, when emotions fade into the background, each of us first of all thinks about how to quickly make peace with a friend. Sometimes we ourselves don’t realize what we did wrong. The modern rhythm of life, stress and constant tension lead to the fact that friction arises more and more often even between the closest friends. But if no recipes are needed for a good quarrel, then even to conclude a bad peace you will have to work hard. There are several simple rules on how to make peace with a friend in any situation.

Forgiveness

And if you find yourself guilty, then try to smooth the situation over and, of course, ask for forgiveness. A little “sorry” can cost you your only friend. You will have to step over yourself, but your friend will know that you need him, and your relationship is more important to him than some kind of pride. But if it turns out that you are not to blame, then do not think that now he owes you anything. Friendship is two or more people equal in their rights. A friend will go into both fire and water only of his own free will. Stop thinking that he owes you something. Take it for what it is.

What to say

In a situation where the conflict occurred through your fault, it is extremely important to ask for forgiveness from the person you offended. Also, if you are not to blame for the conflict, but your friend is convinced otherwise, you can also apologize. This is necessary in order to regain his location. Let's look at what words you can resort to on the path to reconciliation:

Adviсe

1. While in a calm state, determine for yourself why you are friends with this person, remember his good qualities. Memories of pleasant moments of your friendship should give you courage and determination to take the first step towards reconciliation.
2. If you want to have a heart-to-heart talk, find a quiet place.
3. If you decide to write a message, do not blame your friend for what happened. Even if it is his fault, behave with restraint, do not prove that you are right, otherwise the quarrel will only get worse. Reconciliation will be impossible.
4. During a personal conversation, maintain eye contact.
5. Be sincere and remain a good listener. Let the friend also share his feelings.
6. If you notice that your friend is not yet ready for reconciliation, do not put pressure on him. Show your understanding, let him have more time to think about the situation.
7. Do not let other people know about your problems and relationships with your friend.
8. During reconciliation, do not raise your voice or reproach your friend.
9. You should not bend to your friend’s demands and desires if they differ from yours. Even if you are to blame for the quarrel, you do not need to indulge because of the feeling of guilt. It's better to compromise.

Now you know how to make peace with a friend. Sometimes the cause of a quarrel lies in constant tension, an accelerated pace of life, which adds unnecessary aggression and causes a lack of time for normal communication. Remember how dear this person is to you, how important his opinion, presence and communication with him are to you. Restore your friendships and try to avoid situations in the future that could break your friendship.

Quarrels are for the better: when you should not return friendship

Earlier I wrote about the need to accept people as they are. But this rule only applies if your friend’s behavior and habits do not hurt you or hinder your personal growth.

A bad company will interfere with self-development and achieving goals:

• it instills uncertainty: when, for example, friends carelessly criticize achievements;
• lowers self-esteem: when they talk about your appearance, instilling complexes.

This is only a small part of what communication with bad company can lead to. The hardest thing is to accept that people who were once close to you can become enemies.

If you are hurt by the words and actions of your friends, you are always criticized and condemned, then this is a reason to think about refusing to communicate with these people. Breaking up a relationship won't be easy, so occasional fights at this point can help you say goodbye to toxic friends. In such cases, the situation “I quarreled with a friend” is definitely for the better.

Methods of reconciliation

Making a phone call is a way to reconcile with your best friend
. Let's look at exactly how you can ask for forgiveness:

• send an SMS to a friend's phone;
• write on a social network or messenger;
• write an email or a regular one by hand;
• call a friend on the phone;
• video chat with a friend;
• asking for forgiveness live on the radio is appropriate if you are sure that your friend is listening to this radio station at that moment;
• talk in person.

When choosing the method that suits you, keep in mind that a lot depends on the specific situation. In one case, it is enough to ask for forgiveness by writing a message on the phone, in another you will have to write a whole poem explaining your behavior.

You can also read about ways to reconcile with a friend.

How to make peace with friends: large-scale conflict

But it also often happens that one member of the company does not see eye to eye with everyone else, or does something that literally undermines the trust of all friends. Making peace in this case can be challenging because group reactions are much more complex than individual reactions. In this case, psychologists advise starting small and trying to restore good relationships with those friends who are closest in spirit. There are always such people. But you can use a simpler method: to make peace with friends, a simple and frank heart-to-heart conversation will not hurt. It is important to speak out sincerely, without hiding anything. You should be prepared for an initial cold meeting and negative reactions from friends, numerous questions and unfriendly glances, but if friendship is truly important to you, all this is worth enduring.

Meet more often

For friendship to develop into a strong friendship, you need J. A. Hall. How many hours does it take to make a friend? / Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 200 hours of communication. Now you're essentially starting the relationship from scratch, so it'll likely take a year or two before your friendship gets to where it used to be.

And it will need to be fed all the time. Chat in instant messengers, have parties on Zoom, go to cafes and exhibitions together, travel, and so on. Naturally, all this should not be an obligation - if it’s easy and fun for you together, many hours of pleasant communication await you.

Where does friendship go?

Friendship is a trusting and close relationship that arises between people who do not necessarily have to be related by blood. Over time, the degree of closeness of such relationships can weaken and the friendship disintegrates. Why do friends quarrel and people stop being friends? Where does friendship go? This happens as a result of many reasons.

It often happens that someone moves to live very far away and the usual long separation can serve as a reason for the relationship between friends to begin to weaken and fall apart.

Surely, at the same time, each of the friends began a new and interesting life, made new acquaintances, meets new people, gradually old friends move away from each other and do not communicate in person, but only through mobile communications or e-mail. All this leads to the fact that over time the desire to communicate disappears, there are no more common topics, and this is the answer to the question of where friendship goes.

It may happen that your friend has a new life, a new hobby and friends with whom he does not want to share, this is not a very painful reason for ending your friendship. He simply won’t have enough time to communicate with you.

In such a case, it is better not to be persistent and continue your life without him, no matter how offensive it may be. Over time, people change, and your former friend will no longer seem like a guy. After some time, your resentment will go away, and you will communicate with him again, meet him by chance somewhere.

One of the reasons why people stop being friends may be the betrayal of one of them. In this case, there is no need to think about where the friendship goes. The most painful, vile and unexpected blow can only be delivered by the person you trust, because he knows the weak points that you have.

Subsequently, if your friend repents and you decide to forgive him, but after this you will not be able to trust him again as before. And if such betrayal is repeated, it is simply necessary to abruptly and forever sever all relations with such a person.

Envy on the part of your friend can be a serious reason to end a friendship. When you notice that a friend is jealous of you, think about it. The reliability of such friendship is lost, and it becomes not so valuable.

You shouldn’t wait for your friend to become embittered or start doing nasty things to you; it’s better to gradually stop your communication with him. Flattery, self-interest and insincerity are also good reasons to end a friendship. Value true friendship and try to keep it as long as possible.

How to avoid constant quarrels and stop being offended

If you often get offended by other people, then you must understand that you have a certain problem. Most likely, you have high expectations from people, and when they are not met, you become resentful. Do you feel like someone is treating you unfairly? Do not focus on this episode, but after this conversation, consult with a loved one whom you consider to be a model of wisdom and optimism. Tell him about your situation and ask him for an outside assessment. An adequate reaction to the story will help you consider the situation from a different angle. Of course, you should not seek advice from a person who has a quarrelsome character or is often touchy himself.

Also, do not forget that people often offend us in response to our attacks, tactless remarks or offensive hints. Sometimes, we ourselves do not notice how we provoke negative emotions in others, but we react sharply to other people’s unpleasant words.

Causes of misunderstandings in relationships

Friendship is a special close relationship that does not necessarily arise between people. Sometimes friendships can get a little uneasy and even fall apart. There may be several reasons why this problem occurs:

1. Long separation. Any friendship requires periodic communication. If friends move away for a long time, meet new people, and do not communicate in person, then sometimes it happens that the need and desire to communicate disappears along with common topics and interests. Now, in the age of technology, when you can communicate wirelessly, this is less of a problem than before.
2. New friends. It happens that one of the comrades develops new close relationships and new hobbies. There simply isn’t enough time to communicate with old friends. In this case, there is no need to be intrusive. When meeting, communicate calmly without revealing your feelings. Continue to live as before. The resentment will pass over time. Perhaps it was just a short break in the relationship.
3. Betrayal. An unexpected act, a painful blow. People least expect bad things from loved ones who know their friend’s weaknesses and complexes. This is a serious reason to think about whether it makes sense to restore the relationship at all. Unless you really understand the motivation. In such cases, everyone decides for themselves.
4. Envy. It happens when one of the friends achieves something that the other cannot. Or just one of the two was lucky. Of course, the reliability of friendship in these cases is tested by a serious test. You can correct the situation with a frank conversation and an offer of help. There is no need to rush to push away your loved one. A friend has the right to a second chance.
5. Jealousy. This is most often characteristic of girlfriends. Sometimes the signs of attention that a friend shows to the opposite sex can be regarded as courtship. If the opposite sex is a husband or chosen one, then the consequences can be disastrous, and a quarrel breaks out instantly.

Why do friends fight?

If you have been friends for several years, and the beginning of your friendship was laid in kindergarten or school, then willy-nilly you begin to think that no force can destroy it.

But this is not true, there are many reasons why friends quarrel and because of which you may quarrel and your friendship will be at risk. Every feeling needs to be nourished, friendship is no exception. Mutual assistance, reliability and the ability to listen to a friend will strengthen it.

Even when you are forced to devote almost all of your time to building family relationships and work, do not forget about your friends. Because as you gradually move away from them, you will lose mutual understanding with them, and this can lead to a quarrel.

When you meet, you will not have common topics to talk about and you will leave without speaking to each other. To prevent this from happening, you need to keep your friend informed about your life, consult with him, and then he will definitely not forget about you.

Why do friends fight? It happens that quarrels between friends arise because of some little thing. A dispute may arise over a team's performance or a reaction to a harmless joke, you may believe some gossip about your friend and the relationship is destroyed. You just need to be more tolerant, take into account and respect your friend’s opinion, and not trust 100% strangers and gossip.

Sometimes it happens that friends fall in love with the same person. The situation is quite difficult and it needs to be resolved as delicately as possible, without involving the person with whom both are in love. If the choice does not fall on you, you should not harbor resentment and evil. You can change the environment, take a vacation and try to get closer to other people of the opposite sex, perhaps this feeling will soon pass.

Why do friends quarrel at work when one of them has surpassed the other on the career ladder, because this happens often. It is necessary to clearly distinguish between friendship and work, limit friendship from work and never mix these concepts.

After all, you can communicate more often on weekends. If this happens, then it is better to be happy for your friend in this case and not try to put a spoke in his wheels. By uniting, you will achieve more than if you were alone.

Sequencing

1. First, you need to realize that your best friend, even if he is very offended now, feels the severity of what happened. It is likely that he worries no less than you and also wants to make peace, especially if your friendship has lasted more than one year and the two of you have already experienced a lot.
2. Secondly, you need to understand how your friend feels. If you can explain his behavior, it will be easier for you to approach him.
3. No need to worry about how to take the first step. You should not hope that your friend will decide to be the first to reconcile. It is important to understand that the more time is lost, the more difficult it is to restore the old relationship. But you will still have to wait for some period. You shouldn’t rush to make peace immediately after a quarrel. Allow your friend to cool down and deal with his emotions. Sometimes you need to wait a few days.
4. Before you go to make peace, you should analyze the whole situation, realize what was the reason for the quarrel, who is really to blame. But you should not engage in analysis in the first hours after the scandal. You also need to calm down, look at the situation from the outside, and not only from your point of view, but also put yourself in the place of your friend.
5. If your analysis has led you to believe that your friend is to blame for what happened, you need to determine for yourself whether it’s worth putting up with him at all. Everything could happen due to the character traits of a comrade whom you will no longer be able to change. Perhaps he betrayed you, therefore, there is no guarantee that he will not do this again in the future. Therefore, it is important to evaluate the whole situation, to understand whether you need this reconciliation at all.
6. If you understand that the conflict occurred because of you, you need to think about whether you can change and no longer behave in such a way as not to provoke new quarrels in the future. If you decide that you can cope with your negative traits in order to preserve your friendship, proceed to the reconciliation stage.
7. When you're ready to connect, call your friend on the phone or write a letter, but it's better if you go up and talk in person. It is possible that the comrade will be overly offended and will not want to make peace. In such a situation, do not despair. Perhaps he needs more time to be ready to improve the relationship. Of course, it all depends on what caused the conflict. If, for example, you stole a girl from your best friend, it is not surprising that you are now relegated to the category of enemies and reconciliation is impossible.
8. Remember that the process of building relationships must be correct. It is unacceptable to humiliate yourself or slander yourself, even if you are to blame for the quarrel. If the blame lies with you, say that you regret what happened and will try everything to not repeat what happened. If the fault is on a friend, you can behave as if nothing had happened, invite your friend to the bar, sit over a glass of beer. But you should not express your dissatisfaction with his behavior and point out that he is to blame for the quarrel, otherwise a new conflict will develop.

Reconciliation is only the end of a quarrel, but not its outcome. In order to prevent the conflict situation from happening again, it is important that you and your friend draw mutual conclusions. After a serious scandal, you need to conduct an analysis and come to certain conclusions. Such heart-to-heart communication will be the final point for neutralizing your conflict.

How to make peace with a friend at a distance?

Long-distance friendships are every bit as complicated as romantic relationships. And any quarrel becomes a serious threat if there are thousands of kilometers between people. In this case, it is very important to reach reconciliation as soon as possible. Unfortunately, the “out of sight out of sight” factor plays a significant role here, so there’s no point in delaying it. You can start with a simple message. And here the question arises of what to write to a friend in order to make peace and convey your emotions as clearly as possible. Psychologists advise: it should be something very simple, as personal as possible, but the banal “Forgive the fool” will do just fine. The first conciliatory message should be an incentive to at least have a telephone conversation. If, for objective reasons, even this poses a problem, it is better to give preference to writing on paper. Such a move will melt even the most durable ice between friends, especially between girls. If you start making excuses in your messages and “bending” your side, this will only lead to the opposite effect.