Topics to talk with a friend and what not to talk about?

What should you talk about with your friend?

To pour out their souls, in the West they traditionally go to a specialist in the field of psychology.
We are not yet so accustomed to pouring out our souls to a stranger (But in vain!). Sometimes it’s easier for us to share our problems and experiences with a loved one. Most often, this is a friend. Any expert in the field of human relations will tell you that it is vital for women to communicate with their friends. This helps to strengthen her feminine energy, from which a man draws inspiration. Friendship should be supported and developed in every possible way. Another question is that it is not always clear what topics should be discussed so that the relationship is not only pleasant, but also trusting.

Read on topic:

Friendship between a man and a woman?

Girl's best friend

Separately, you should dwell on your best friend. She can be as significant for a girl as her beloved. Therefore, the position “either I or she” should not be allowed by a guy even in his thoughts. It is more constructive to try to be useful to your best friend - to help with the computer somewhere, or with your physical strength when shopping, moving. This will show in practice that the young man values and respects the friendship of his chosen one.

It is the best friend who can guide a guy on a good gift for his girlfriend, suggest the characteristics and priorities of the chosen one, and thereby help deepen the couple’s relationship. Of course, provided that a good friendly interaction between the guy and the girl’s friend is established.

Replenishing energy from communication with a friend

To achieve female happiness, we need to fill our emotional vessel. We need the energy of warmth, beauty and comfort. Once you have managed to fill yourself with light from within, you can feel like a woman who is able to give pleasant emotions to your spouse, children, and other people. We are capable of achieving great success as soon as we are filled with feminine energy.

Read on topic:

What is women's happiness?

In the process of communicating with friends, this type of energy is generated. This is why it is necessary to communicate with other women. What does this mean? You need to prepare, both mentally and physically, for the arrival of your guest. It’s best to wear beautiful, feminine clothes, various jewelry, do the right makeup, and dance in the halo of your favorite perfume sprinkled into the air. Don't forget about the delicious treat. Comfort, emotional warmth and beauty will help in creating a special space.

It is important that communication is warm and pleasant. It is best to talk about something good and beautiful. This will help you enjoy a pleasant aftertaste after the meeting is over. Do everything possible to make your conversations a source of female happiness and strength.

How to become a good communicator

In conclusion, here are a number of generally accepted rules of communication:

If the interlocutor is speaking, do not interrupt with questions, let him finish his thought. Perhaps you have found a topic that is interesting to a person and new subjects for discussion will naturally arise from it. The conversation should not be forced. The key to good dialogue is ease.
Call your interlocutor by name. This helps to establish trust and sympathy.
You should not use obscene language, slang expressions, or filler words in a company with unfamiliar people.
Show respect even if you disagree with something said.
Keep your distance. Not all people like it when someone breaks into their personal space.
Don't get distracted while talking on your smartphone. This is not appropriate.

I also recommend that you read our other publications:

How to develop interpersonal skills
How to learn to speak beautifully
How to keep a conversation going
How to develop effective communication
The best public speaking courses

With a new friend

It is often impossible to find common topics of conversation if you meet with a woman you recently met. There is still no knowledge of what your friend is interested in, or how exactly to arouse her interest. If you build communication correctly, you can make the relationship more trusting and long-term.

A topic related to pets is a great conversation starter. If your interlocutor has a cat or dog, you can ask about the care details and the history of its appearance. Be prepared to be shown photographs. This will significantly improve the mood of you and your new friend, which will contribute to a quick rapprochement.

It is important to demonstrate sincere interest in the girl you want to become friends with. Don't be afraid to be sincere in order to find out as much as possible about your new acquaintance.

Provocations

In the event that a girl’s friends are one more beautiful than the other, the guy should be wary of provocative behavior. It should be expected for two reasons. A well-wisher friend can - from the motive of “wanting what is best” - simply test a young man for loyalty in order to reveal the truth: unfaithful and deceitful or loyal and persistent. Or another option - the guy will become a victim of open, but secret flirting for his girlfriend. The purpose of flirting can be different: to prove that “I am better”; quarrel between a couple in love and regain the attention of a friend; beat off the guy you like; sporting interest (flirting for the sake of flirting).

Questions to start with:

About the family: exactly how many brothers and sisters there are, how old they are, what their occupation is, whether they have pets;
About hobbies: what genre of music is her favorite, what films she likes best, what she likes to do in her free time, likes home-cooked food or catering establishments.
About the city of residence: how long have you lived here, what are your favorite places?

People are most interested in themselves

Don't be afraid to ask as many questions as possible. The answers must be truly detailed, that is, open questions are expected. A person will be able to open up, when you find out about him, he will feel good.

There is no need to talk only about what interests you. Remember that people will be grateful during a conversation whose topic is close to them. You can pay attention to the clothes of your interlocutor and note her excellent taste. It is possible that you met at work or in some institution, then it will be much easier to find topics for conversation.

If you find that certain topics cause unpleasant emotions (See Negative Motivation), pauses occur in the conversation, it is best to smoothly move on to a completely different issue. We do not know what memories a person has associated with a particular topic. It is best to be tactful so as not to injure your interlocutor. It is important to have empathy (See Emotional Intelligence), insight, so as not to hurt a woman’s feelings in any way.

Remember that communication should be psychologically comfortable for both of you. Do not forget that this factor will serve as an excellent basis for future friendship. It doesn’t cost you anything to think about what kind of attitude you would like to receive towards yourself in order to demonstrate it to your new acquaintance.

With my best friend

It is much easier to communicate with your best friend. It’s still easy for you to find the topics of conversation, all the secrets. This is truly wonderful, but sometimes there may not be enough to talk about.

The best friend for many is a truly dear person. Communication must fill both with positive emotions and light. Just imagine how you come to a house where every visit can imbue you with something good that makes you want to live, create and work.

It is best to choose appropriate topics for conversation. They should touch something pleasant, beautiful and light. Forget about gossip about people you know, discussing topics that relate to politics, religion, problems.

Eg:

Secrets of maintaining beauty: discuss new cosmetics, some useful masks, for example, made from natural products, fruits;
Cooking: tell us about a recipe for a truly delicious dessert that you can prepare;
The art you do: needlework, puzzles, embroidery, knitting, collecting;
Sports: yoga, different types of fitness, exercise equipment;
Home design: new directions, cosmetic renovations.

It is important to exchange positive feminine energy. You shouldn't perceive your best friend as a competitor. In fact, you are both on the same side. It is best to give sincere compliments and rejoice in each other’s successes.

Recommendations for interesting communication

Before we move directly to the topics, I would like to highlight important nuances that will help avoid mistakes in communication:

Try to ask open-ended questions, that is, ones that require a more detailed answer than a monosyllabic “no” or “yes.”
If you come to a one-on-one meeting, do not turn the dialogue into an interrogation with bias. Don't bombard the person with questions as if they were coming for an interview. When you decide to touch on a particular topic, be sure to tell similar information about yourself. Usually people continue to speak out of inertia and do not feel any discomfort. But it’s also not worth pulling the blanket over yourself, forcing you to listen only to yourself. Stick to the golden mean.
Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions. This will show interest and respect.
Do not give unsolicited advice, especially to strangers. Even if it seems to you that the person needs it. This is extremely tactless.
Avoid complaining and pitting anyone. Negativity is repellent.
Don't be afraid of silence. There will be natural pauses in any conversation. Long conversations are also exhausting. If it is comfortable to talk to a person, then it will be comfortable to remain silent with him for a while. At least to finish your salad or finish your cup of coffee, if the circumstances are appropriate.

Married girlfriend and young mother

Often, after marriage, women become immersed in family problems and forget about communicating with friends. Thus, distance occurs, as a result of which the woman is confined within four walls. The world is limited only by communication with your spouse and small child. I have absolutely no time for myself.

It is important to understand that a woman is busy with her family during this period. It is worth realizing that this period in life will pass as soon as the child grows up a little.

Secular topics are of little interest to a woman. Most likely, you will have to listen to concerns related to the child and related problems. You need to be patient, listen and support your friend. You are a friend to her, a truly close person. Only she can tell you everything, to share this joy, to complain about the difficulties that exist.

It is important to feel the happiness that a friend shares. Believe me, it cannot be compared with anything. Even if the topic of children is not yet interesting, it is best to listen, talk, and show how interested you are.

Over time, you should gradually direct conversations towards general topics that previously interested you. Don't think that your friend has changed radically. After some period, it will be possible to achieve balance in affairs, which will allow the friendship to continue much more actively than before.

You should be aware that with the birth of a baby, a woman is able to completely escape from her usual life. It is you who will become a source of useful and interesting information to which she will listen. It is worth turning to such topics of conversation as:

Mutual acquaintances and friends;
Trends in the world of fashion and beauty;
A film that was released, an exhibition of a fashionable artist;
A new dish to try;
Opening a restaurant or cafe;
A new book worth reading.

Your friend will really be grateful to you. Such information will help her not to completely fall out of the world around her and not to move away from the company.

It is possible that your friend will not be able to meet with you often due to worries related to the child and everyday issues. You can always keep in touch by phone or on social networks.

A friend who has no mutual acquaintances

You can always start a conversation with a compliment to get the conversation started. It is worth paying attention to the girl’s jewelry and her clothes. No one can resist praise regarding her appearance and original hairstyle. If you note that a girl has a rather interesting tattoo, you can become much closer friends with her.

You can choose the most neutral topics for conversation:

sport;
news from the world of cinema;
fashion trends;
beauty, mask recipes.

You can talk about everything you see right now. It is necessary to further act on the situation:

during a walk – architecture, changes in the urban environment;
in a cafe - about food, interior features;
at a party - about what you like here, what drinks, food.

During a long-awaited meeting with a friend

Imagine that you had a girlfriend, but time passed, a spouse appeared, children, a new job, a new situation. After some time, a completely new meeting took place.

You can choose the following conversation topics:

Memories that relate to past adventures. You can mention relationships, common interests, or just laugh. It is the past that will help you relax in order to subsequently find common ground that may exist in the present.
Women's themes. Some time has already passed, but you still remain women, as a result of which you should not forget about fashion and beauty. Believe me, this topic will always be interesting. You can talk about your family and children, show photographs of loved ones. You can always discuss a new dish, the opening of a fitness room.
Favorite places and hobbies. You can go to your favorite restaurant, have a cup of coffee, and take a little break from your routine. Remember how you spent time flirting with a waiter who quit a long time ago.

Conversation with a friend after a quarrel

If there is a desire to return the relationship, you need to think about how to restore trust.

First you need to take the first step: call, write SMS or on social networks. You can come up with absolutely any reason: ask for advice, share news, find out something about a new friend. You can always come in for tea with your favorite treat.
There is no need to remind about the quarrel and its reasons: it is better to pretend that everything is in perfect order.

During the meeting, it will be extremely awkward at first. It is possible that you have said a lot of bad things to each other. It is better to give a compliment, ask about your success in school or work, in order to melt the ice that was observed in the relationship. You can remember past pleasant moments that concerned communication. You can always voice an old common joke.

It is best to avoid the following topics of conversation:

Gossip that concerns mutual friends;
Topics likely to cause serious controversy;
A subject that has caused a quarrel in the recent past;
Disadvantages of a friend and her partner.

To preserve relationships, you should not prove yourself right, foaming at the mouth. It is possible that you are indeed right, but your friend’s trust will be lost for a long time. Is this what you really want?

What to talk about with a pen pal?

Most often, people in the modern world meet through correspondence. It can be noted that the topics for conversation are not much different from those when we meet in person. On social networks you can exchange music, photos, discuss news, and send posts of interest.

You can appreciate the benefits of online communication if friends are too far from each other, in particular, in another city or country. Some people first communicate via the Internet, only to meet in real life after some time.

Conclusions about topics of communication with friends

Do not forget that friendship with a friend must be mutually beneficial. It is important that both women receive positive emotions. You can't just give or receive. It is important to remember to take initiative and plan communication. Do not underestimate the power of compliments, gifts, support in difficult moments.
Show consideration to your friend. You should take an active interest in her life, problems and concerns. You need to listen to the answer and show courtesy. If your friend is in a sad mood, you should first support her, and then have fun and talk about light-hearted topics.
When talking with men, it is necessary to avoid negative characteristics at all costs. Remember that the main task of communication is to replenish feminine energy. No negativity that can only devastate.
You should not gossip so as not to destroy female friendship. Gossipers can easily talk about their friends and loved ones behind their backs.
You cannot wash dirty linen in public by speaking badly about your spouse, children, or mother-in-law. No outsider should know that not everything is perfect in the family. This aspect will attract a lot more negativity into your life. “Good” advice only serves to increase discontent and add fuel to the fire. It's worth taking care of your family.
It is better not to keep talking about your spouses. You should not undermine respect and love for your closest people.
You shouldn't try to talk about a topic on which you have noticeably opposing views. You can always express your opinion, but you should not consider yourself opponents who are on a political show. It is better to demonstrate respect for each other.
It is important to avoid health topics, as there is nothing pleasant in the conversation. Any random advice can be harmful.
Topics of finance, religion and politics should not be touched upon as well. They are often associated with problems and can cause disagreements.
It is important to be neutral towards your friend's spouse. You shouldn't cause jealousy.
If you are not happy while communicating with your friend, it is best to end the relationship. The pleasure of friendship should be mutual.

Everyone has problems. And our friends are no exception. But that’s why we are friends, to help each other cope with life’s difficulties! This is all good and correct. But it’s a completely different matter if a person creates problems for others through his actions and behavior. Sometimes they are serious. And how to react if this person is your friend? And it creates problems for you...

Let's consider 12 conventional types of such girls. Each of us has encountered at least several of them in our lives. Let’s briefly characterize them and decide how best to build relationships with such friends. And whether to build them at all...

Common vampire
Flirtomaniac
"I can not. Busy. Next time!"
Envious
Situational girlfriend
Self-assertive
Selfish
Let me down
Sudden and controversial
Instructive
Passive
Who's under the mask?

Consultation with a psychologist.

Common vampire

This type is known to everyone and is widespread, so we’ll start with it. Complete whining and negativity. Constant complaints. A friend constantly dumps tons of problems on us and generously splashes out negative energy. And it seems that everything she says is not about us, because the rest of the world has offended her friend! But we are in a bad mood and lousy at heart after such “sessions”. But my friend felt better. Until next time...

I usually quickly remove such acquaintances from my social circle or reduce communication with them to a minimum (if it is impossible to completely stop it - for example, a relative or work colleague is a “vampire”).

I don’t see any reason to just listen patiently to something like this.

Flirtomaniac

This charming young lady has coquetry in her blood. This does not depend on her external attractiveness, or on age, or on the situation - on nothing at all.

Flirtomaniacs have one thing in common - when an object of the opposite sex is in front of them, their red signal immediately turns on: “Charm him immediately!”

They flirt with everyone. Yes and please! If only your loved one – boyfriend or spouse – would not periodically come to their attention. The friend wants to test her charms on him too. Sometimes it’s very active. It’s unpleasant for you, it’s incomprehensible for her: “Why aren’t you sulking at me? Did I offend you in any way?” And often she sincerely does not understand what is wrong. This is her standard behavior.

In fact, if this friend is dear to you, there is a very simple and obvious solution to save your nerves: meet her without your companion and do not invite her to events where you are together. You don’t owe anyone anything, and in this case, her grievances are not your problem. In any case, only you decide what is more priority for you in this case.

"I can not. Busy. Next time!"

Always a busy person. It’s not that she creates problems... But the situation when your friend is constantly not interested in you is quite unpleasant. Especially when it is repeated over and over again. All people are busy, but if at the same time we forget to find time for loved ones and friends, is it worth being offended when they then forget about us?

In my opinion, there is no point in breaking into constantly closed doors.

If the person is really very interesting to you, they offered to see each other once or twice, and congratulated him on his birthday. There is no reciprocity - they let him go with peace of mind and forgot. Resentment is useless - only we ourselves suffer from it.

The formula is simple: if we are not needed, we are not needed. Moreover, there are a lot of interesting people around who always have time for us...

Envious

Also a guy familiar to everyone. A friend is jealous of us... And she seems to be trying not to show it, but we notice that our successes do not cause her sincere joy. It is unpleasant.

I had a friend who always actively supported me in problematic situations. But if I shared some kind of joy with him, he immediately brought me down to earth, for some reason persistently proving that there was nothing to be happy about in this case at all. It was strange. As a result, I simply stopped sharing good things with him. I thought - why?

Actually, this is a great way not to tease envious women - just don’t tell them about your successes.

Some people may like to make others jealous and deliberately try to do this. I don’t see any point in this - for me, this is the simplest solution to make ill-wishers for yourself. And who needs it?

Situational girlfriend

But here is exactly the case when problems are created not by another person, but by ourselves. Without understanding the very essence of “situational” girlfriends...

Often we get very close to people in certain situations: on vacation, while studying, during the implementation of some project, at events... And then the common cause ends. And we want to communicate further, but we run into a wall of indifference. This can be offensive and unpleasant. "How so? We became such good friends!”

But for another person everything may look different: no common cause - no friendship. Not because this is a bad person - it’s just that our situational friend does not see the point in further communication. Here everything is the same as in the case of “I can’t - I’m busy” - we let the person go in peace!

Self-assertive

Self-affirmation at the expense of others is a quality characteristic of people who simply need to constantly confirm their sense of self-worth through humiliation, criticism and negative assessments of other people.

It seems, who needs such a friend? But we do not always realize that they are asserting themselves at our expense. But we only worry intensely because of the negativity and criticism addressed to us. If we stop self-searching and interrupt (at least for a while!) the search for the cause of external negativity in ourselves and take a closer look at the source of negative assessments, we can discover a lot of interesting things! And understand that the problem is not with us.

If a friend constantly and happily asserts herself at our expense, isn’t it time to think about whether we need such a relationship? At a minimum, it makes sense to transfer such a person from the category of close friends to just acquaintances. How do you think?

Selfish

Everyone knows who an egoist is. If a friend regularly ignores our interests to please herself and doesn’t even try to find a compromise, we understand who is in front of us.

It seems to me that there is only one effective remedy against chronic egoism - retaliatory egoism. Not aggressive, but therapeutic and prophylactic.

Often a person does not even understand that he is behaving selfishly. Sometimes a friend just needs help. Sincerely and calmly express your opinion, clearly arguing and without fear of a negative reaction.

In mild cases, even a hint is enough. If we are faced with a difficult case - incurable selfishness, simply decide for yourself what is better for you: accept the person for who he is, or end the relationship with him.

Let me down

In this case it is not a verb, but a noun. A friend you can't rely on. An extremely unreliable option. We agreed, but at the last moment I refused. She promised - she didn’t fulfill it. And so from time to time, from year to year... Why do the faithful friends of such a “let down” continue to live in the hope that this time she will not fail?

To be honest, this is not clear to me. If you know such a cute feature of your friend, what's the point of hoping for it? She can, of course, be a super interesting person who is incredibly fun to talk to. So we will continue to communicate with her! You just don't have to rely on it for anything.

This will easily save us from unnecessary worries.

Sudden and controversial

You don't know what to expect from this friend. Either she swears eternal friendship, constantly calls and shares her most intimate things, or she behaves coldly and aloof. Sometimes he makes plans for the weekend with you, sometimes he openly ignores you. I must say, this is infuriating. Just spit on her, and she appears on the horizon again, as if nothing had happened...

I would not go into detail and look for a psychological explanation for this behavior - these are not our problems. But simply, as in the case of an unreliable friend (and in fact, these two types are very similar), we do not count on this person and do not bring him closer to ourselves. For the same purpose - to protect your nervous system.

You can simply calmly and calmly watch as your friend is thrown from one extreme to another, without much emotional participation in this process...

Instructive

She loves to give unsolicited advice and teach life lessons. A friend believes that she has the right to lecture us, criticize us, and convince us (sometimes quite aggressively!) that she is right. She does not like it when people argue with her and question her opinion.

Not only is friendship difficult with such a person, but even just short-term communication is difficult. During the latter, it seems to me that the wisest thing to do is simply not to engage in controversy. This does not mean agreeing. No. Just don't even start an argument. Change the conversation to another topic.

As for friendship with such a person, the choice is ours.

There are driven people for whom having a person nearby who has a ready answer to any question is happiness. Otherwise, there is no point in enduring endless teachings.

And there is nothing scary or unfriendly about conveying this simple idea to your friend. Calm and intelligent.

Passive

An uninitiated friend, driven and obedient. Usually she doesn’t offer anything - she always waits for your initiative. He seems like a very convenient person, at first glance. But constant passive behavior can bore even the most explosive activist. This is endlessly boring... And she is a good person and there is no reason to quarrel with her, but the complete lack of initiative on the part of her friend is very upsetting.

Many over-initiative people are comfortable with such people - they have enough ideas and activity for several people. But on average we always want a mutual reaction. So that not only us, but also they would call us and offer something.

Here we need to understand that we cannot change a person. Therefore, in this case there is no point in being angry and demanding something. We are also not obligated to constantly entertain and entertain a friend: if there is a desire, we communicate, if not, we take a break in the relationship. We get by in life without her. And it’s definitely not worth worrying that they’ll be offended at us, or thinking that we’re not acting in a comradely manner.

Who's under the mask?

Here we are talking about an insincere person, whose true essence is vague and hidden under various masks. We don't understand when a friend is honest with us and when she's deceiving. When is she real and when is she pretending...

It's hard with such a person. I don’t want to open up and share. Simply because we don't trust. Does anyone really force us to reveal our souls? With such a friend you may have common affairs and activities, common topics for discussion, but it is not at all necessary to bring her very close to you.

On the other hand, a mask can often be worn by a wonderful, spiritual, but very vulnerable person who has simply stopped trusting people - he does not want additional pain. And this is where sincerity and a warm attitude will help.

I believe that you shouldn’t be afraid to be open and sincere with people. And this does not mean at all that it is necessary to share the most personal information with the first person you meet or just know.

You can just be yourself, real. Firstly, in this case no one will be mistaken about you. And secondly, in most cases, openness and sincerity naturally give rise to a mutual reaction.

And finally, the most important thing: we are all, to one degree or another, problematic people. Each of us contains selfishness, contradictions, and envy - why hide it! Therefore, we will be more lenient towards our friends - sometimes it’s not easy for them with us either.

We will be open, friendly and sincere. And we are also brave, resourceful and self-confident, so as not to be afraid to express our opinion at the right moment and “reconfigure” relationships that do not suit us...