How to make peace with a man after a quarrel

Men and women perceive quarrels differently

The strong half of humanity is characterized by a logical type of thinking. In the heat of a quarrel, they give arguments to prove their point of view. For a man, a dispute has 2 goals - to solve a problem or to prove he is right. Women are guided by emotions, which does not always lead to positive consequences.

There are individuals for whom conflict is a way of obtaining energy, emotional release, or replacing some need, for example, sexual.

If a showdown turns into psychotherapy, where a woman has long educational conversations, the man produces the hormone prolactin, which affects potency.

When conflicts become part of life, it's time to think about what is behind them. Often this is a consequence of old grievances, fatigue, some claims or lack of love in a couple.

Establishing long-distance relationships

This is the most difficult problem. After all, at a distance there remains only verbal communication and correspondence, you cannot see the sparkle in your eyes, and a tear rolling down your cheek, you cannot touch and hug. Often quarrels and inability to find a common language lead to a breakup.

It is very difficult to restore the former harmony. How to improve a relationship with a guy at a distance after a quarrel? It’s worth keeping silent for a couple of days, there is a high risk of mutual claims. By sending an SMS “How are you?”, you show concern. You have passed your half way, now your partner’s response move.

First steps after the conflict

It is not necessary to go for reconciliation after a quarrel. In some cases it is even harmful. The pause after a quarrel can be used to analyze the situation. A useful technique is to write your emotions on paper.

The ability to switch is a useful skill that helps not to make a mistake in the heat of a quarrel. You can do cleaning, go to the cinema, meet friends, clean up the house.

When passions have died down, it’s time to think about finding a solution to the problem. The simplest thing is to write on a piece of paper all the possible options that come to mind, then analyze what the consequences of each will be.

Remind me of good days

When people experience pleasant sensations and impressions, they want to repeat them. This is often impossible, but there is a chance. To do this, a person must immerse himself in an environment reminiscent of those happy times.

To revive memories, you need to take the only right step, the one that will work. An individual approach is needed here, otherwise you can ruin everything. In one case, a collage of your photos will be enough, in another it is better to invite your chosen one to a memorable place for you - a cafe, on a pleasure boat, a park, etc.

Reminders of the past will allow your boyfriend to understand how important relationships are to you and how carefully you treasure romantic memories. He will probably appreciate your step and make a response.

How to make peace: 8 tips from professionals

You need to decide whether a man is worth contacting after a quarrel? If a relationship consists only of conflicts and reconciliations, it is worth considering whether they are necessary.

It happens that all relationships a woman enters into follow the same scenario. Then you should solve the problem with yourself, for example, go to a specialist.

Psychologists give the following advice.

Rely on self-respect. There is nothing humiliating about making reconciliation if it is not an everyday ritual. The more a person bends, the more he loses significance in the eyes of his partner. If a man doesn't value a relationship, is it worth holding on to?
Give reasons for your position. It’s worth preparing for the conversation in advance by writing an outline. This will help you understand what the purpose of the dialogue is. Perhaps the cause of the conflict is personal problems that the partner has nothing to do with.
Forget about manipulation. The conversation should be built on sincerity and trust. The purpose of the conversation should be to find a common solution. A quarrel is a conflict of interest. Women sometimes put on a victim mask in order to bend their partner. The conflict is not resolved, but subsides for a while, since the main problem has not been resolved.
Keep yourself in control. You can't get personal or insult. A favorite method of some people is issuing ultimatums. If you resort to it, you need to be prepared for any scenario.
Be sincere. If you want, you need to apologize. It is worth telling what is behind the breakdowns and the desire to quarrel. A man often does not realize that a woman lacks attention or that he did not give a compliment or forgot about something. In conversation, it is useful to use “I-statements”, that is, talk about your own experiences and feelings. This allows you not to violate your partner’s boundaries.
Focus on offline communication. The conversation should take place live, and not through instant messengers, phones and other gadgets. In a sincere conversation, personal contact is important. Firstly, SMS messages can be misunderstood, and secondly, the partner does not have a feeling of closeness.
Do not delay reconciliation. It’s one thing to give time to cool down, another thing to remain silent for educational purposes. This technique is not constructive. It can lead to dire consequences.
One of the best ways to reconcile is a hug. After the right words have been said, you can take your loved one by the hand or touch the shoulder. Tactile contact brings people closer together.

Read Why your husband cheats and what to do about it

How to make peace?!

Women who are interested in healthy relationships and want to understand the cause of conflicts should turn to psychological literature.

List of useful books:

Mikhail Litvak “Psychological Aikido”;
Eva-Maria Zurhors “Love yourself - no matter who you are with”;
Ilse Sand "Fear of Intimacy", "Miss You";
Harriet Lerner "It's Complicated."

They will answer questions about life alone and as a couple, about the causes of crises, and how to overcome them.

Apply affection and care

Men are like cats, they only pretend that they are independent and can completely do without anyone’s participation. In fact, it is easy to approach most of them by showing affection and tenderness. If you know the weak points of your chosen one, then you will surely cope with the task.

This method is effective for small quarrels. If there is a serious rift between you and your boyfriend, this option will not work. But this does not apply to couples living together - in such a situation, the girl has a lot of opportunities, showing affection and care, to appease the young man.

A gentle hug, an innocent kiss on the cheek will help melt the ice in the heart of your loved one, and if you season it with a pinch of the forgotten - ironing his favorite shirt, turning on his favorite music, etc., then you will definitely achieve the desired effect.

How to make peace with a man if he doesn’t make contact

People behave differently during and after conflict. Some quickly move on and forget the grievances, others may not speak for weeks. This needs to be understood and taken into account. A man’s silence does not always hide a serious resentment. He just needs more time than the other partner to come into balance.

How to make peace. The Big Mistake of Reconciliation

If the reason for ignoring is resentment, then the only right decision is to wait. While he is thinking, you can start analyzing your own behavior in the conflict.

It is useful to think about the following questions:

Who starts conflicts?
How do quarrels happen?
Can they be prevented? Soften?
What feelings arise during a quarrel: fear, anger, resentment, shame, guilt or something else?
Does either partner raise their voice?
Is someone getting personal?

Answers to questions will help you decide how to make peace and what to talk about during the reconciliation process. There may be an unexpected decision not to reconcile because the relationship data does not make sense.

If a person did not make contact after a quarrel, but silently left, perhaps he decided that the relationship had outlived its usefulness and ended the affair unilaterally. Many people don't know how to talk about their feelings, so they leave in English. Sometimes silence is the answer and must be respected.

Give a gift or surprise

This method is not suitable for all cases. If your boyfriend has a negative attitude towards gifts, you shouldn’t even think about it. For a guy who is calm about the role of the recipient, you can prepare some original surprise.

How to give a man a gift and make peace with him:

Choose your gift carefully. It must be something out of the ordinary. What is important is not so much its price as the meaning that will be put into it. To give a gift that is truly valuable to a person, you need to know his habits, interests, and dreams well. A good gift could be a ticket to football or to a concert of his favorite band, to a joint excursion or exhibition - the choice will depend on the person’s tastes and preferences.
Don't give expensive gifts. This is vulgar and has nothing to do with honest and sincere relationships. It’s a different matter if a gift has a certain cultural or intellectual value for a person, then its value fades into the background.

Why text a guy who ignores you?

The simplest solution in case of ignoring is to end the relationship. But if you really like a guy, you should do the following:

Find out what's bothering him.
Ask for forgiveness if you really did something wrong.
Make an appointment and talk frankly with him. If in a conversation he says that he wanted to break up with you, do not beg him not to leave you, do not cry or become hysterical. Accept the news with dignity.

Do you want to know how to write an original message to a guy you like?

About the main mistakes

Psychologists have identified several common mistakes that every couple makes. To prevent them, you must adhere to the following recommendations:

Avoid obsession, emotional outbursts and the desire to change your partner.
Respect the opinion, position and decision of your loved one. During a scandal, this is almost impossible to do, but you need to pull yourself together.
Don't talk about problems to friends and family. In such situations, they begin to give advice. Their opinion is biased, so the relationship can completely deteriorate. They may also form a negative opinion about the chosen one.
Don't manipulate. Men do not tolerate pity and women's tears, so manipulation on the part of a girl can aggravate the situation.
Treat your loved one with warmth and tenderness. Unwavering coldness can show him indifference.

In any situation, a girl should approach problems philosophically. Quarrels and scandals are an integral part of any relationship. To avoid misunderstandings, you need to listen to the advice of conflict prevention experts.

Approach the task with humor

Humor is a reliable tool in building relationships. It is especially valuable in girls, since few have this quality. In addition, humor is for intellectuals, and if you know how to joke, it means you have a developed mind. But they don’t part with smart and beautiful girls so easily.

Look at the quarrel from a different angle, try to turn it into a joke. Laugh with your chosen one at the situation. In the grand scheme of things, there are very few things in life that deserve to be fought over.

And if you can turn on humor earlier, you can use it to prevent discord.

Don't try to use the abstraction ladder

“Ah, he didn’t call me because he’s probably out with his friends or other girls.” Don't assume. The endless “or” is always a killer in a relationship.

If you don’t know what to do if you quarrel with a guy, then at least try to put your thoughts in order and calm down. The main problem is that girls forget about the humanity of men. Guys can also suffer, feel pain and not know what decisions to make. However, stereotypes have made them closed, which is why they will not always defiantly turn on sad music, write to all their friends about the problem and cry until salty tears begin to sting the skin of their cheeks.

If you want to ask for forgiveness

There are situations when you should ask for forgiveness from someone you offended.
Example phrases:

“Don’t be angry, life is too short to waste it on grudges. I'm sorry".
“I’m very sorry that this happened. Our relationship is important to me. Right now, more than anything else, I want to make peace with you.”
“The reason for our quarrel is insignificant compared to my feelings for you. “I will try to improve and not allow such situations to happen again.”
“Let’s forget the ridiculous grievances and leave our quarrel in the past.”
“I had a lot of time to understand my mistake and admit my guilt. I'm very worried about what happened. Please forgive me".

It might be interesting: how to understand that a guy likes you by correspondence.

When there is no contact

If a guy refuses to meet, it means the offense is serious. Be patient, wait until the emotions subside and the ability to think rationally returns to your loved one. Otherwise, you risk aggravating the situation: communication will turn into mutual accusations, insults, and resentments. After such a conversation, separation will be the only way out. Take care of yourself:

take a break, calm down. Meet with friends, go for walks, do what you love;
act on the principle: the morning is wiser than the evening;
put your feelings and thoughts in order;
remember your first dates. Think about what has changed since then. What was your appearance and habits like? What qualities did your partner like most? Try to revive your former charm.

When you feel confident in your own abilities, ask him out on a date. If the guy agrees, the chances of improving the relationship will increase. The result of the meeting will depend on the correct behavior and carefully chosen words of the partner.

If you get a refusal, use a trick: arrange a “random” meeting.” However, be prepared for a lengthy relationship-building process. How to make peace after breaking up with a guy? You will have to put in a lot of effort:

Try to get noticed more often.
Offer friendly support and professional help.
Study in detail the interests and hobbies of your loved one in order to be able to maintain a conversation.
Gently get to know your chosen one’s friends and relatives, try to please them.

Choose the lesser of two evils. Friendly communication is better than hostile relationships. If you become a useful, necessary friend, an interesting conversationalist, you can count on the resumption of close relationships.

Act through the bed

This method has become almost a classic of the genre. For many couples, sex becomes the most convenient and effective means of reconciliation. This option is not bad if you use it once or twice without making it a habit.

Pros of reconciliation in bed:

During sex, you can give free rein to your hands. And even teeth. You can give each other a good spanking as punishment for a quarrel, and bite each other lightly.
In bed you manage to throw out all the negativity. Grievances will be forgiven and forgotten by themselves. You don't have to figure anything out. You will appreciate each other once again, and you will understand that having sex is much more pleasant than quarreling.

Minuses:

It has been noticed that after quarrels, couples have particularly vibrant and productive sex . As a result, a couple, or one of them, can consciously or subconsciously provoke conflicts, counting on a stormy “reconciliation.”
This method does not involve airing grievances. As a result, the problem is driven deeper, and at the slightest provocation it will be brought to the surface, and conflict will arise again.