“I’m not happy with a lot of things in life, but I don’t have the determination to change at least something...” Psychologist advises

The article explains:

1. Signs of not your life
2. Test “Are you living your life?”
3. The first step to finding yourself
4. Tips for finding yourself
5. 5 interesting exercises for self-knowledge

At certain moments, people tend to analyze their lives and ask questions: am I living happily, am I happy with everything, have I achieved what I wanted. This usually happens during so-called periods of crisis, at moments when a person is faced with a choice or on the verge of important changes. Unfortunately, few can boast that they live in harmony with themselves, but this is very important.

Have you ever heard the expression “I’m not living my life”? What to do if your ideas about well-being differ from the real state of affairs? The answer is simple and at the same time complex. Learn to listen to yourself and put your priorities above the priorities of others. Otherwise, one terrible day you will realize that you are living by some rules imposed on you, and this will not make you happy.

Signs of not your life

1. The feeling that something is wrong, something is wrongEven if everything seems to be fine with you (at work, in your family), there is still a feeling that everything is not as it should be, that your life should be different.

   You are not satisfied with your current circumstances, you believe that you should play a different role in a different setting. The underlying dissatisfaction with what is happening is accumulating.

   Read also:  Long-term depression: causes, diagnosis and treatment

   You give up and resign yourself to the fact that there is no life in your days.

   This is the main sign, having noticed which, it is worth asking the question: “I am not living my life, what should I do?”

   Listen to the inner voice that whispers to you about this. This is the voice of your soul, it dreams of transforming the existing conditions of your life.

   But understanding what changes are needed can be very difficult.

2. We don't like work. We spend a huge part of our lives at work - 85%, to be exact.
   If you don't like the work, this can be a big problem. After all, you devote so much time to this activity you don’t like! You try, you work hard, although this work is not at all a joy to your soul. And there is a latent feeling that you are not living your life, and anxiety about what to do. However, you push this feeling away by not looking for another job. And if someone close to you advises you to start searching, you find a bunch of arguments why this shouldn’t be done: “I have a family, children, a mortgage, I can’t give up everything and go free swimming! This job gives me stability and confidence in the future. What if I feel worse in the new place?”
3. Vain hopes of changing your lifeYou are dissatisfied with everything, but sometimes, like a guiding star, the thought flashes: “Well, it’s okay, one day I’ll give up everything, move to another city, and that’s where I’ll live!” At such moments, it seems to you that moving will change everything that you you will find happiness, freedom, and become the best version of yourself. In a new place, the meaning of life will be revealed to you, you will be happy with every new day, life will become just a fairy tale...
   But deep down you know that these are empty hopes. Moving won't change anything. Because wherever you go, you take yourself with you. This means that external circumstances may change, but the inner voice that repeats: “I’m not living my life, what should I do?” will not go away.

4. A social circle alien to you in spirit You increasingly notice that the people next to you are not those you could call close. Their interests and goals do not resonate with yours, they do not understand you, you have no one to talk to heart to heart. You are surrounded by people, but you feel lonely.
5. Fading interests Everything that previously fascinated you, to which you were ready to happily devote time, now ceases to be of interest to you. New interests do not appear, old ones no longer attract.
6. “Withering away” of a hobby You suddenly realize that your hobby, for which you were ready to give up sleep and food, now leaves you completely indifferent. The corner of the soul that it occupied “dies away.” This often happens to people who do not live their own lives and do not know what to do about it.
7. Illusory HobbiesAt the same time, you note that hobbies have been replaced by new hobbies that did not exist before. You can spend hours scrolling through your Instagram feed, watching all the TV series in a row, devoting the entire day off to shopping, getting hooked on gambling or skydiving...
   That is, there are activities in your life that capture you and make you forget about everything. But are they constructive?

   These are false hobbies that take up your time, literally “kill” it.

   They came into your life to distract you from the idea that it is empty and meaningless, that something needs to be changed.

   These are illusory hobbies that help you not notice the emptiness and “unrealness” of your life.

8. Decreased sense of purpose When you get caught up in feeling like you're not living your life and don't know what to do, your ability to set and achieve goals decreases. You lose your ambitions, your fighting spirit, you lower the bar and no longer strive for heights.
9. Getting stuck in the comfort zoneYou give up hopes and dreams, you do not strive for a new life, you get used to the routine. Then you completely lose motivation to change anything, and firmly settle in the “comfort zone”.

10. Bad habits You become dependent on alcohol or other substances with similar effects. You develop strong cravings for unhealthy foods.
11. Living for the sake of others You stop living for yourself, your goals and interests.
    Now your life is devoted to your parents, husband, wife, children, colleagues, the desire to please them or not to disappoint them. If they are not in your life, life itself will not be, because you are no longer important to yourself. And the thought: “I’m not living my life, what should I do?” can't motivate you to change. You continue your existence simply out of habit, without thinking about the meaning of what is happening to you.
12. Thoughts about leaving life More and more often the thought that tormented the writer Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy comes to you - the thought that life is boring and disgusting. And it comes not alone, but accompanied by another - the thought that death will bring deliverance from of all problems, that this is a solution to which you can resort.

It sounds quite scary, but don't be discouraged if you notice these signs in yourself.

If you have the realization: “I’m not living my life, what should I do?”, then you are already on the path to correcting the situation. If you understand that something needs to change, consider that an important step has already been taken.

At-risk groups

There are categories of people who are more susceptible to developing such disorders than others.

This does not mean that people outside these groups are protected from developing depression. It can occur in any person if there are predisposing factors in his life.

Test “Are you living your life?”

(Each “yes” answer earns you 1 point, each “no” answer earns you 0 points)

1. There is a person next to you who loves you, supports you, and who has similar life goals.
2. Mostly you are in a cheerful mood and are not prone to sadness and despondency.
3. The city where you live now is exactly where you want to live.
4. You love your job and chose it yourself, and not under pressure from relatives or on the advice of friends.
5. You are happy with your financial situation; your income allows you to have everything you need.
6. Your clothes reflect your tastes, you feel comfortable in them.
7. You are happy with your appearance, you are pleased to see yourself in the mirror, you are confident in your image.
8. Your home is a place of power for you. You always feel comfortable and cozy in it, there is a feeling that “the walls are helping.”
9. You are proud of your achievements, you know that you have successes and victories in life.
10. You would happily say “yes” to the offer to live your life again without any changes or adjustments.

If the number of positive answers exceeds the number of negative ones, then everything is fine. At the same time, you need to take note of those points where you answered “no” and think about what actions will help you change this answer to “yes” in the future. If “no” answers predominate, there is a high probability that you are not living your life, and something needs to be done about it. You need to look for the root of the problem and change something.

When and why to contact a specialist?

If the symptoms described above occur, we can say with confidence that this condition itself will not go away - only a qualified specialist can help. A psychiatrist is involved in the management of a patient with depressive disorder. He will carry out several diagnostic measures, the main one of which is an experimental psychological examination. Additionally, the following may be assigned :

• General blood and urine tests.
• Blood chemistry.
• ECG.
• CT and MRI.

Laboratory tests will show whether the patient has metabolic disorders. An electrocardiogram will help track changes in the somatic system, and CT and MRI are necessary to exclude organic pathology (for example, brain damage due to trauma, etc.).

Additionally, consultations with specialists such as:

• therapist;
• endocrinologist;
• neurologist;
• gynecologist.

They will check the patient for pathologies of the nervous and reproductive systems, somatic disorders, thyroid diseases, etc.

If the diagnosis of depression is confirmed, the psychiatrist will select the appropriate medications for this case and prescribe psychotherapy. Psychoeducational programs are often conducted for family members of the patient so that they can monitor the deterioration of his condition and take timely measures.

In almost all cases, treatment for depression is carried out on an outpatient basis with periodic visits to the doctor to monitor the situation. Only in rare, “advanced” cases is a person hospitalized. As a rule, this happens in cases of severe mental and physical exhaustion and in cases where the patient’s condition threatens the lives of other people. You cannot bring yourself to this stage of the disease. The sooner you see a doctor, the easier, faster and more effective the treatment will be.

Tips for finding yourself

Will psychology help if you are not living your life and don’t know what to do? Undoubtedly! Psychologists and personal growth specialists know very well what to do in such situations.

Below are 15 powerful ways to get in touch with your inner self.

1. Don't give up and don't go with the flow. Be active and active. The famous physicist Einstein believed that life is like riding a bicycle: to maintain balance, you need to constantly move.
2. Don't neglect 8 hours of sleep. The habit of always getting enough sleep helps maintain health, good spirits, fresh skin and productivity.
3. Don't be afraid to say no. Of course, the movie “Always Say Yes” is very positive and inspiring, but you still shouldn’t take its message as a literal recommendation. You have the right to say no if you are asked to do something you don't want to do. Even if the request comes from a friend or relative.
4. Stick to positive thinking. Believe that everything will be fine and that you deserve it.
5. Don’t give in to stereotypes, don’t think in stereotypes, this will only prevent you from moving forward.
6. Don't stop on your way to your goal, no matter what happens. Remember that a black stripe is always followed by a white one.
7. Don't stay in circumstances you don't like: change them or leave if you can't change them. You don’t need to endure a job you don’t like because it gives you stability, or stay in a hateful relationship so as not to be alone. This is a sure path to neuroses, the feeling that you are not living your life, and panicky thoughts of “what to do?”
8. Rest.

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9. Gain new knowledge, improve your skills. Take courses, watch webinars, read articles. May each day enrich your mind.
10. Do any kind of creativity that you like. This will help develop creative thinking skills and relieve stress.
11. Don't miss the opportunity to pamper yourself and show yourself love. This is simply necessary, because if you don’t love yourself, the people around you won’t do it either.
12. Don't be afraid to try new things, even if it means making mistakes. It is from mistakes that you can learn how to do things right and ultimately achieve your goal.
13. Don't let everything take its course, but plan. Always make a step-by-step plan for how you will complete an important task.
14. Make new connections and acquaintances. Improve your communication skills, it will always be useful in life.
15. Don't look back at the past, don't reproach yourself for past mistakes, live in the present.

Another important recommendation from psychologists is to get inspiration and motivation from all the sources that suit you. If you do this regularly and use this inspiration to change your life, anxious thoughts will stop visiting you.

Reasons for development

A person has many social needs, which include creative and professional self-realization and self-development. Not a single wheel of life balance, beloved by psychologists and personal growth coaches, is complete without including the points “career” and “finance”. It is important for a person :

1. Self-improvement and constant growth, both spiritually and professionally.
2. Have a financial airbag in order to be prepared for many life surprises.
3. Be able to satisfy your basic needs for food and comfort, which require material costs.

Satisfaction of all these points gives the employee the opportunity to feel happy and successful. Such a person will experience a surge of “happiness” hormones not only in moments of special career success. The brain will reflexively release endorphins every time a person returns to his workplace.

Work is such a significant part of a person’s life that when certain problems arise in this area, his emotional and hormonal balance is disrupted.

Any dissatisfaction with the points listed above can lead to real depression. This can be caused by things like :

• Losing a job you love.
• Oppressive environment and conflicts in the team.
• Pay that seems unfairly low to the employee.
• A sharp change in working conditions for the worse, for example, due to a change in management or reorganization of the company.
• Stress, deadlines, high demands from management.
• Lack of career growth.
• Employee dissatisfaction with what he does.

These are just the most common causes of depression due to work. Sometimes just one factor is enough to trigger the onset of the disease . But most often you can find a combination of several reasons at once, which only worsens the situation.

Create a comfortable environment for yourself

The people around us directly influence our success: they can inspire and support us or, conversely, drag us down. If you want positive changes in your life, evaluate your social circle. First of all, you need to cut off contacts with toxic people who, with their words and actions, try to destroy your faith in yourself. If such communication cannot be avoided, try to maintain an emotional distance: be patient and carefully monitor the crossing of personal boundaries, directing communication in a constructive direction.

Of course, you can grow and develop harmoniously even in a toxic environment, but this way you will spend more strength and energy that could be directed towards achieving your goals. The LeelaGame.In team understands this, so all participants in the game are given access to a closed Telegram chat, where they can communicate, share their emotions and support each other with all their might. Here you will find real like-minded people who always have something to learn from. Adopt their experience and habits, listen to advice and recommendations, ask for help and together find a way out of difficult situations.