When a child joins a new team, he comes under the close attention of his peers. Teasing and ridicule are quite common in children's culture.
This is how children test newcomers’ strength, train their wit, and develop their own authority at the expense of others.
A victim who is bullied and teased with impunity as a child develops the image of a loser as an adult. If a child does not learn to cope with teasing, it will haunt him throughout his life.
The child must resolve this situation on his own. It is only in your power to help him with useful advice, since your direct intervention or the intervention of a teacher can only worsen the situation. This will have no effect on the offenders, but will only lower the child’s status at school.
The most common advice that parents give - to fight back or not pay attention - is fraught with danger. This danger lies in the fact that the child initially develops primitive reactions, and it will be very difficult for him to adapt to verbal attacks in the future.
To teach a child to survive in an aggressive society, you must instill in him effective communication skills from the very beginning.
In children's and adolescent disputes, qualities that are so necessary for success in life are developed: resourcefulness; logic of argumentation; resourcefulness; fast reaction; persistence in evidence; masterful use of words; resistance to emotional stress of conversation. At the same time, it is important to understand that being able to argue does not only mean mastering the logic of reasoning. You also need to be able to “butt heads” using words.
Now I will teach you one technique from the course “Psychosuppression. The Art of Winning Tough Negotiations" which will allow your child to deal with ridicule and teasing very effectively.
Exaggerated Delight
Say that you are simply delighted with this joke and ask to joke again. Maybe your interlocutor can say something even more offensive and funny?
The reaction to offensive jokes should largely depend on who is telling them to you. If this is a loved one who has never acted this way before, simply say that you are uncomfortable and ask why the other person is behaving this way. If communicating with a joker is not valuable to you, simply cut off contact.
one has the right to insult you and violate the boundaries of your personality!
Sonya's story
Sonya (12 years old, name changed) is a creative person who enjoys drawing and tries herself in the anime genre. He maintains a blog on a social network and posts his drawings on it. At first the page was only for friends, but a few weeks ago Sonya made it open and immediately encountered haters. They wrote to her that her hands are growing out of nowhere, that her work insults anime culture - this is not her profile at all, and let her not be disgraced. Sonya took the “criticism” very painfully.
“I, of course, knew that there were haters, so for a long time I did not dare to open the page. After all, creativity is very personal. I was not ready to face the negativity: it felt like I had been thrown mud at me. I don’t know at all how to behave. It’s important for me to develop my blog, but because of the haters, I don’t want to show anything to anyone anymore.”
It is important for Sonya to figure out how to react to rude statements. She understands that as popularity grows, there will be more haters, and she needs to learn how to fight them off.
Psychologists at the Children's Helpline recommend:
Firstly, if haters come to the page, it means it is of interest. It's a good news. Those who are doing well in life, seeing your work, will like it and write nice words. Those who feel bad, who are unlucky, who are inclined to envy, will react with dislikes and boorish comments.
Learn to distinguish between criticism and hate
Some comments may point out shortcomings or errors in your work - this will help you improve.
An example of criticism: “It’s unclear here, of course - that’s not how hands are drawn in anime.” Not the most pleasant comment, but you can clarify with its author what exactly is drawn incorrectly, and if he really understands the topic, he can suggest what to correct.
But the phrase “Zashkvar, what kind of squalor is drawn?” - hate. There is no point in clarifying anything here.
The best weapon against hate is humor
Journalist Svetlana Ikonnikova in her book “Trollology. How to neutralize haters and confront them on social networks” writes: “The magic of humor is that it doesn’t just show your opponent: you are a smart and resourceful person. The magic of humor is that it makes those around you your allies.”
How to use humor?
- You can respond to a hater's comment with an ironic remark.
If you can’t come up with a sharp joke right away, you can use aphorisms from the Internet. For example, “If something confuses you about me, you don’t need to inform me, try to survive the shock yourself” (author unknown).
- Write a post dedicated to haters
Or make a weekly column in stories, where you mark the most malicious comments and joke about them.
- Post someone else's picture
Let it be the work of a little-known but established artist, to look at the reaction of critics and make sure that even the work of professionals can be subject to hate. This way you can laugh at the incompetence of haters along with your subscribers and use spiteful critics to develop your blog.
How to react correctly?
The offender is an empty place for you. You are a happy, successful person who has no time to notice such nonsense. Say this with a smile and the boor will be at a loss. Let us agree to assume that bullying from which we must defend ourselves is an attack from which we can still defend ourselves, and not at all a game on the nerves of hostages captured by bandits. The motives for which this or that person begins to mock or laugh at you are in many ways similar to the motives of someone who often criticizes you.
Developing your child's effective communication skills
In order to teach a child to communicate with peers, it is necessary that he has several “blanks” in his pocket. For example, phrases on how to start an acquaintance: “Hello, my name is Misha! And what is your name? Would you like some cookies? I can treat you!”
You can effectively teach a child to communicate with peers by presenting him with problematic situations for which he must find a way out:
– Your friend took your toy without permission. What will you do?
– One guy in our yard constantly laughs at you and teases you, calling you lop-eared. What will you do the next time you hear this?
“The boy you’re playing with suddenly picked you up and pushed you.” You're in pain. What will you do?
When you have options for solving these problems, discuss them with your child and gently guide him to the right solutions if he answered some questions incorrectly. After some time, the child himself will learn to get out of difficult life situations with dignity.
It also doesn’t hurt to practice verbal battles at home: “if he tells you..., then you tell him...”.
The more options are discovered, the greater the chance that the child will use one of them to resolve the brewing conflict.
How to respond to an insult with humor and sarcasm
Many people make the mistake of clearly showing the other person that their words have offended them in some way. Of course, when we are insulted, it is not easy to control ourselves and not show that we are offended and “touched to the quick.” And yet, if you fail to cope with this task, then your opponent will understand that he managed to achieve his goal and truly insult you. No matter how difficult it is for you, try to make it clear to the person that his words do not bother you at all. The best way to help you with this is humor, which often helps you react quickly in unforeseen situations.
If you stock up on a few witty phrases, then, for sure, they will later be able to help you out at the right time.
Examples of such remarks:
- Your words do not surprise me at all. I'd be surprised if you said something really smart.
- And nature really has a great sense of humor, since it creates specimens like you!
How to respond to insults and aggression
How to behave when you are insulted
Situations may be different, so it is advisable to adjust your behavior in accordance with them.
- For example, if you yourself have offended a person, and you understand that all his insults are just hurt pride and an attempt to take revenge for the insult, then it is better to remain silent. The interlocutor is likely in agony, and with additional remarks you will further aggravate the situation.
- If you are being offended undeservedly or “out of the blue,” then your opponent probably wants to “blow off steam,” and it is quite possible that you simply fell into the hands of someone else. Of course, in this situation you should not be a “punching bag” - put the offender in his place!
- If you are insulted by a person who is clearly in an inadequate state, then it is better not to have anything to do with him and not to get involved in a dialogue. We are talking about a person who is hysterical or under the influence of alcohol or drugs. You will not be able to prove anything to such an interlocutor, and it is even quite likely that with your answers (any!) you will provoke him to a new stream of aggression or even the use of physical force. It is better to avoid communicating with such people, even if you are superior to them in physical parameters - you should not get involved in a skirmish that is unlikely to end in anything good.
What to do if you are called names
Undoubtedly, such a situation is offensive for any person, and sometimes we do not know how to react to insults. There are times when it is better not to get involved in a conflict and simply ignore unpleasant remarks - for example, when they are uttered by a drunk or completely out of control person. It’s another matter when the interlocutor approaches this consciously. So, what caustic words can you respond to the words of a rude person?
- Your imagination and intelligence are so primitive that these insults do not offend me at all.
- It's amazing how easy it is for you to offend someone. Fate will do the same to you, you'll see.
In general, it is worth noting that most often boors deliberately try to provoke us to some kind of reaction. We often notice that someone else’s rudeness can arise completely out of nowhere, or the reason is so insignificant that an adequate person would not pay attention to it at all. It's just that boors cannot deprive themselves of the opportunity to offend someone.
Most often, in such cases, we are advised to ignore the attacks of an ill-wisher, and such recommendations are instilled in us from childhood. And yet, such advice, as a rule, has practically no effectiveness - in practice it often turns out that a person who has escaped punishment for his sabotage becomes even more impudent. If a boor is constantly ignored, then he subsequently becomes convinced that everything is allowed to him. Therefore, it is important to remember that we should never ignore the insults that sellers, administrators, cashiers and other random interlocutors “bestow” on us during their working hours. The most appropriate response to such behavior is to contact your superiors, whose task is to competently select personnel.
How to adequately respond to rudeness and rudeness
You may well get out of this situation gracefully if you calmly agree with the boor. This technique has a particularly disarming effect on some people. So, if someone is trying to insult your mental abilities or “take advantage” of your appearance, then half agree with these words, and then thank your opponent for taking the time to find your shortcomings. This method is very effective when spectators are present during its implementation. You will not insult the boor in return, but at the same time you will put him in an awkward position.
How to put in place a person who insults
Many people are highly suspicious, and if you meet just such an instance on your way, then, of course, you can scare him with inevitable retribution “from above.” After the phrases below, the offender will remember the dialogue with you for a long time.
- There is no desire to respond to these insults. However, the day will come when you will understand that all the misfortunes have been acquired by you, starting from this day.
- It so happens that we pay for everything in this life. Remember this day to know why God is punishing you.
- From now on, you'll have nothing but bad luck. I'm not scaring you, I just know about it.
How to intelligently send a person away without swearing
If you don’t want to swear in response to someone else’s unpleasant statements, but still think that you should fight back, then it’s quite possible to respond intelligently, but still put the person in his place.
- They say that behind insults a person usually hides his complexes and inadequacy. Think about it.
- It feels like insult is the only way you can assert yourself.
How to shut someone up with one beautiful phrase
Sometimes there is no desire to engage in a verbal altercation, and you want to shut the person up by uttering just one destructive remark. There are many such phrases, and they affect everyone differently. Here's an example:
- They say that when a person is not particularly intelligent, the only thing he can do is stoop to insults.
When he insults his superiors
In this case, unfortunately, we do not always have the opportunity to respond the way we want, so the smartest thing to do would be to simply walk away from the conflict. If we are talking not about the boss, but about a colleague, then there is also no need to escalate the situation - try to answer neutrally.
This technique can also be useful at a time when your boss is insulting you: while the boss says unpleasant things to you, mentally imagine a small capricious child in his place. In your imagination, calm this baby down, pat him on the head, feed him milk porridge. This will make it much easier for you to listen to insults, and perhaps even your mood will not worsen. In addition, the boss will probably be able to appreciate your resilience.
"Buy an elephant" method
Many people remember a joke from childhood, when an opponent was asked to “buy an elephant,” thereby infuriating him and almost driving him into rage. You can do the same. To each barb, answer the same thing in a bored tone: “So?”, “And then that?”, “Really?” and in the same spirit. Undoubtedly, by the end of this monotonous conversation, the boor will experience a real decline in moral strength.
Improvisation
In a conversation with an insulter, try to use the effect of surprise, surprise and disarm him with this. For example, you may laugh out loud in response to unpleasant words, as if you had heard the funniest joke. You can also sneeze, oh. In addition, you can smile good-naturedly and say: “Surely your parents are ashamed of your upbringing.” Try improvising!
How to learn to respond to any insults with dignity
If you understand that the insults addressed to you are completely unfair, and you guess that your opponent also suspects this, then you should shame him. How can I do that? The first thing you can do is use certain phrases. If the person insulting you is conscientious enough, then such words will be able to penetrate him.
- Never stoop to insults without properly understanding the situation. This doesn't make you look good at all.
- I hope the day comes when you are ashamed of everything you said.
- It's strange that I had a much better opinion of you.
- I hope you're just trying to look worse than you really are.
There is no doubt that the person trying to insult you simply wants to somehow assert himself or stand out. At the end of his monologue, you may well ask coldly: “Well, did you manage to assert yourself at my expense?”
In general, when communicating with such a person, sincerely try to understand what his true goal is, what he wants to achieve with his words. At these moments, it is not so important what exactly your opponent tells you, but why he does it.
If you cannot find an answer in a difficult situation, then at least try not to lead the matter to mutual insults and impulsive reactions. Don't play by the rules they try to force on you.
It is also important to learn to calmly respond to any rudeness without “losing face” and your sense of dignity. Although it is difficult not to admit that cultural treatment rarely makes a strong impression on a boor.
When it comes to trolling or other provoking situations, the best thing you can do is ignore such a person.
Correct response to insults
- It happens that we want to respond, but you know in advance that any of your words simply will not have an effect on the offender. Of course, in this situation it is better not to waste words and energy, but simply abruptly end the dialogue.
- It often happens that the person “attacking” you actually has nothing against you personally - he’s just in a bad mood. In this case, it is enough to ask him the question: “Bad day?” An adequate person will not argue with this, and it is even possible that he will apologize.
- It is often better not to lead to retaliatory insults. Try to avoid this situation by asking your interlocutor what he told you. Pretend you didn't hear his words. It is quite possible that the person has already regretted what he said. If the “attack” continues, then, apparently, you have a rare boor in front of you.
- During some dialogues, we are simply stifled by the desire to attack our interlocutor. And yet, be that as it may, it is very important not to get to this point - you will almost certainly regret it. Try to keep your mind calm. It will be ideal if you learn to parry with witty remarks and not show that the provocations offend you in any way.
- It is impossible not to mention one of the most common mistakes made by people who were forced to face insults. It's about making excuses. Often, having heard offensive words, we try to prove to our opponent that he is being unfair to us. With such tactics, you will undoubtedly find yourself in a position of humiliation.
Insulted by a stranger
If a person is drunk or clearly out of his mind, then you should still ignore his words - just try not to notice him. If we are talking about a stranger who did not like something about your behavior, then try to understand the situation, and then act “according to the circumstances.”
Insulted by a loved one
Here it is important to immediately understand why the conflict situation occurred and what provoked it. It is better to prevent the spread of a further quarrel, and frankly tell your loved one that he offended you, and you are hurt by his words. Try not to hush up the conflict, but to talk openly, clarifying the matter.
