Correct criticism: the technique of constructive criticism

The ability to give feedback is one of the components of effective communication. Often it is necessary to clearly explain why an idea is not suitable, or to identify shortcomings in a colleague’s work. However, criticism can become destructive and, as a result, worsen the relationship with the interlocutor and demotivate him. Together with the director of the Center for Corporate Training and Development of T&R Alexandra Zhirnovskaya, we talk about the principles of constructive criticism and how to perceive it.

If they criticize you

What to do when you hear accusations, condemnations and claims addressed to you? If this has already become the norm in your life and those around you constantly allow themselves to express negative assessments of you, then the first thing you should find out is whether you yourself are giving them carte blanche in this. The article “How to Stop Being a Victim” will help you change your behavior.

In addition, you need to learn to defend your actions, decisions and choices. Remember, many people criticize not because they really want to help you, but simply express their negative opinion, are jealous, want to take revenge for something or hurt you. The article “How to Defend Your Opinion” will tell you how not to hesitate and boldly act on your own.

It is important to learn to distinguish between real feedback and criticism. When a person really wants to help you, he will definitely praise and point out your strengths, suggest several options on how to correct the situation in the future and prevent such mistakes

How often do you allow yourself to evaluate other people? How often do you hear condemnation addressed to you?

Necessary conditions for competent communication

Let's look together at the mandatory principles of constructive dialogue that will help you come to the right decision, allow you not to waste time, teach you to hear your partner and lead to success.

Time frame. The most important thing in solving a problem is its timeliness. People often resort to talking about the past: you didn’t do your homework yesterday; why didn't you call me last week; it should have been ready the day before yesterday

Such requests do not lead to a solution to the problem; they call on a person to make excuses, force them to lie and get out.

Remember - the past cannot be changed. The deed done yesterday will remain there forever. You can influence the present and the future. Therefore, requests should relate to these times.

Talking about the past will be relevant if you are sorting out mistakes to eliminate them in the future. In order for your child to do his homework on time, you need to understand what problem he is facing. He doesn't understand the task, he doesn't have time left due to other activities, he just forgot about the task. And here you decide together how to help your child avoid such a situation in the future.

Wrong choice of interlocutor.

A wife complains to her husband that their child broke a flower pot again. The husband listens silently, but does not offer any options, because, to put it mildly, he is not concerned about this issue at all. In this case, the woman acts destructively.

She should have addressed the child himself, who is a direct participant in her complaint. It is with the child that she can find a solution to the problem.

Subordinates constantly discuss management decisions among themselves. There is no kitchen corner to have lunch; the salary could be divided into two parts; uncomfortable chairs in the office and so on. It would be more constructive to address such questions to management, with a specific proposal.

Using facts.

How often in conversation do we hear such phrases: because I said so; it will be right; you don't understand anything about this matter. These are just empty phrases that do not support any argument. A person does not always know how to correctly use the available facts.

Why is it better to send a child to this kindergarten and not to this group? Because I think so, the wife answers. And what she means by this is completely unclear. Is the kindergarten closer to home and we won’t spend a lot of time on the road? Does this institution have more qualified teachers? Better nutrition?

We solve the problem, not change the interlocutor.

In psychology, there is such a phenomenon as an attempt to change those around you to suit yourself. You should try to get rid of this as early as possible. If you one day realize that you cannot change another person, then you will instantly get rid of a huge number of problems.

You are faced with a specific task. The child does not do his homework. You do not need to break the child and re-educate him, but to achieve a solution to the problem. If he himself is having a hard time, then he needs help. If he doesn't have enough time, then redo his extracurricular schedule. Solve the problem, don't change your interlocutor.

I offer you a list of modern books that will perfectly help expand your knowledge in the field of constructive communication.

How often do you encounter destructive behavior from your interlocutor? Why can't people hear each other? How can this be avoided? What methods do you resort to to move the conversation in a constructive direction?

Learn to speak correctly!

Communication with people occupies an important place in our lives. Without it, love and family relationships, friendships, work, business would not be possible.

As a rule, people who master the skill of constructive communication achieve great success in their personal and professional lives. But how can you learn to communicate constructively? What does the concept of “constructive conversation” even mean? You can find answers to these and other questions in our article.

The criticism we're used to

Today you can hear from all sides: you’re doing it wrong; again you broke it; where do your hands come from; you allow him too much and so on. All this may be said by people with good intentions, but does not achieve its goal of “helping a person” because it has nothing to do with constructive criticism and good advice.

We are accustomed to condemnation, expressing harsh and negative opinions. In this regard, I would like to bring to your attention an excellent book by Tatyana Kuzmina, “Psychological defense during criticism,” which will help you deal with such “good advisers.”

Destructive criticism today is found not only in personal relationships, but also in business communication. This means that people know how to look only for disadvantages in the work or actions of others, talk about their mistakes and problems, but do not offer any solution.

This happens for several reasons.

A person simply loves to criticize others and does it with pleasure and enjoyment.
Sometimes they say this to hurt or take revenge on someone else.
Sometimes they resort to such criticism to protect themselves from excessive demands.
And the last option is to prove your worth to yourself at the expense of another person.

Of course, with this approach we develop a negative attitude towards the very concept of “criticism”. After all, parents constantly condemn, then teachers at school, teachers at the institute, the boss at work, and even the spouse reproaches. How can one have a positive attitude towards criticism under such conditions?

And in response we begin to act in a similar way. We evaluate the actions of others, condemn them and express our unflattering opinions. Let's see what rules need to be followed so that your criticism is constructive and helps the person.

Principles of constructive criticism

Objectivity. Express your opinion, but do not claim that it is the only correct one. Specificity

Focus on specific points rather than on the entire work. Reasoning. Show what your assessment is based on and justify your opinion. Experience and practice

Examples from personal life are very illustrative. Tell us how you avoided mistakes or corrected them. Professionalism. If you are well versed in the issue you are criticizing, then people will listen to you. Otherwise, you risk being branded an amateur. No personalization. Criticize the work, not the person, show respect for your opponent. Focus on the positives. When pointing out the shortcomings of the work, do not forget to talk about its advantages.

How to distinguish constructive criticism from envy and destructive criticism

Anastasia Teteruk, psychologist, HR specialist. Photo: from personal archive

Envy hides the lack of something in the criticizing person that the person being criticized has. With a negative assessment, a person tries to redirect his negative emotions that arise as a result of envy. By doing this he is trying to somehow reduce internal tension. In destructive criticism there is an intention to humiliate a person and devalue his work. The motives are different: competition, self-affirmation, human selfishness.

Constructive criticism specifically identifies an error, supported by obvious arguments: “Your report is superficial and incomplete. There are not enough numbers and examples in the first and second sections, please add more. You can take your colleague’s report as a sample.” In addition, often a person is given some kind of advice or recommendation “how to do it” or “how not to do it.”

In envy and destructive criticism, on the contrary, everything is very vague, generalized and subjective: “Your report is superficial and incomplete. I do not like him. Your colleagues are great. The reports are always done well, unlike you.”

In constructive criticism, the emphasis is on the work: either its process or its result is evaluated. For example, “you are not preparing the report as needed, you are preparing the tables incorrectly” or “the report is not compiled correctly, there are not enough numbers.”

In envy and destructive criticism there is an emphasis on the personality of the person being criticized. For example, “You don’t know how to do reports. It’s all because of your absent-mindedness and irresponsibility.”

On practice

It’s quite easy to check whether your criticism is relevant or not. Ask yourself: will my comment help the person become a better person?

Useless and offensive criticism:

— This is the most terrible font. I don't understand how you even chose him

— I told you that the logo needs to be enlarged.

- The text is boring. One water

Let’s try to help a person solve a problem and grow above himself:

— This font is not suitable for the site - it is beautiful, but difficult to read. And we need them to read the text.

— I see you enlarged the logo. It looks harmonious, but I'm sure the client will ask to increase it even more.

— The text is to the point, a lot of good ideas. But there are not enough examples, so it will be difficult for the reader to apply it to his own situation.

How to respond to criticism?

First of all, I want to note a very important point:

A literate person's response to criticism should begin with determining the type of criticism, that is, whether it is constructive or destructive. The signs by which this can be determined are described above. So, let's look at how to respond to criticism.

1. Don't lose self-esteem and faith in yourself. Even constructive criticism should under no circumstances become a reason to lower your own self-esteem and lose confidence in your own abilities.

2. Separate emotions from useful advice and recommendations. Often both constructive and destructive criticism can be emotional to one degree or another. However, really useful comments, advice and recommendations can be “hidden” between emotions. When listening to criticism, immediately separate all emotions and ignore them.

But on the contrary, focus on constructive comments, advice and recommendations

3. Don't respond to criticism right away. The response to criticism must be thoughtful. Often a person who is criticized, especially if the criticism is emotional and destructive, also falls under the power of emotions, responds in the same spirit, criticism develops into a quarrel, and relationships deteriorate. Who benefits from this? Nobody. Therefore, it is better to silently listen to criticism, and if it requires an answer, take a break to think about it.

4. Use constructive criticism to help. Since constructive criticism is carried out with the aim of providing assistance, take advantage of this, use it for your own benefit. That is, analyze and draw conclusions.

5. It is impossible not to react to criticism at all. Even if this is destructive criticism, you need to understand what caused it; perhaps some significant threat is hanging over you, and this is just the beginning?

6. Don't take criticism to heart. At the same time, when thinking about how to respond to criticism, try to put aside all emotions. The fewer there are, the more correct a decision you can make.

7. What is more important is not the motives of the critic, but the essence of the criticism. It often happens that a person who is being criticized first of all tries to understand why he aroused such interest, what attitude the critic has towards him, what he wants to achieve. But the essence of the identified shortcomings is much more important, especially if it is constructive criticism.

8. If different people criticize the same thing, this is a reason to think about it. It’s one thing when one person sees a certain flaw, his opinion can be subjective, but when different people talk about it, you should think about it.

And finally, a very important rule:

For example, a subordinate will not openly criticize his boss. However, based on some of his actions or words, a competent boss should notice the criticism himself, and if it is constructive, then respond to it.

I will end here. Now you know what constructive and destructive criticism is, how to determine the type of criticism and how to respond to criticism in both cases. I hope that this information will be useful to you and you will begin to put it into practice.

I wish you success in all your endeavors! See you again on Financial Genius!

When should you not criticize?

So, now you know how to properly criticize a person, the next step is to figure out when you can do this. To begin with, analyze your behavior and see if you do the same in everyday life. Agree, it is strange to follow the advice of a smoker to quit this bad habit, who himself smokes half a pack of cigarettes every day.

Keep in mind that if you are not the boss of the person you are about to criticize, then he is not obligated to accept your criticism and vice versa. Criticism is the subjective opinion of the person criticizing; it may be unfair. In addition, it is always worth assessing the situation correctly, as far as the matter concerns you in general. You can criticize a person, give the right advice, but he is not obliged to take this information into account. For example, if your friend is going to renovate his apartment and shares his plans with you, you think that he is wrong in something and recommend that he do something differently. In this case, it is worth keeping in mind that you and your friend may have different tastes, and he may not listen to your opinion.

Only at work do you have the right to demand from your subordinates that your comments be fulfilled, because the result of your work depends on them

However, here too it is important to communicate respectfully with your interlocutors. This attitude will be the key to a healthy atmosphere in the team.

Don't forget that they are also people with their own opinions and want to be heard too.

As for your children, constructive criticism should of course be given to them, but it is worth keeping in mind that they need to shape their own life experiences. Therefore, if you know in advance that the negative result will be minimal, you should not criticize them, give them the opportunity to “step on their rake.” You should always mentally think through the situation, the main thing is that there is a positive result - this is the meaning of constructive criticism.

Areas of application of constructive criticism

Giving an assessment is not as easy as it seems. Sometimes even a very reserved critic can lose his temper and become overly emotional. But there are areas in which destructive criticism is unacceptable under any circumstances.

The first concerns the leader-subordinate relationship. Using constructive criticism, it is necessary to correct the employee’s actions. Otherwise, the person will perform poorly and will have to be fired.

Another sphere is the educator (parent, teacher) - child. Destructive criticism lowers a little person's self-esteem. If a child is constantly told that he does everything badly, then he grows into a weak, insecure person.

The third area is training. Constructive criticism from the teacher guides the student, helps eliminate mistakes and gain new knowledge. A negative assessment has the opposite effect - the desire to learn disappears, knowledge is not absorbed.

Destructive behavior: what is it in psychology

In psychology, we most often talk about destructive thinking and behavior. This behavior, which deviates from medical, social and other norms, endangers and destroys the life of an individual. It is realized through destructive actions. These are the words, actions, actions or inactions of a person, leading to negative consequences for him or his environment, the entire society.

Due to destructive attitudes, a person’s perception and ability to evaluate himself and situations are distorted, and emotional disturbances arise. These features lead to maladjustment and desocialization of the individual.

Examples and types

American psychologist Eric Berne named two directions of destructive behavior: inward and outward.

Examples of toxic behavior that is directed outward:

Examples of self-destructive, self-destructive behavior:

Destructive behavior occurs in every person, usually during a crisis period, for example, in adolescence. It destroys the personality or its individual components. Negative changes in character and temperament, needs and value system, interests, and motives are noticeable. An individual with a tendency to destruction is characterized by inadequate self-esteem and weak willpower.

Analysis of destructive behavior helps to understand its direction. It, in turn, helps to determine the motive and stereotypes of behavior, habitual methods, and response patterns. Environmental conditions predetermine the activation of these methods, but only the person himself decides whether to adhere to the usual reactions or not.

Causes

Reasons for the development of a tendency to destruction:

The tendency to destruction and self-destruction can haunt a person both from birth, if such a scenario was formed by the parents, and it can arise at any stage of life. For example, a person finds out that he has cancer and decides not to fight, but to go all out. Or a person could not survive the death of his beloved, another tragedy that became a psychological trauma, and decides to take revenge on the world, on himself. Or the individual was unable to overcome the crisis, did not find his place in life. One can name hundreds of probable scenarios that push a person onto the path of destruction of himself and everything that surrounds him.

Behavior correction

The choice of correction program depends on the following factors:

Correction of behavior requires coordinated work of doctors, psychologists, teachers, law enforcement agencies, and social services. It is worth noting that destruction can be part (the beginning) of productive behavior and creation. For example, in order to build a new system of values, motives, and means of achieving goals, a person will have to destroy his previous way of life.

The best solution to get rid of destructiveness is to visit a psychologist.

Why are we so sensitive to criticism?

Many studies have concluded that praise has a positive effect on the result, but various types of comments have a negative effect. We react to reproaches more sharply and remember them faster than compliments. One of the reasons for this phenomenon is evolution. During the evolutionary period, we learned to quickly respond to negative stimuli. In the wild, such signals portend mortal danger, so it is necessary to respond sharply to them in order to survive. Now everything has changed, but we react to troubles in the same way - emotionally and strongly.

Psychologist Daria Milai

Make an appointment

The next reason why we are overwhelmed with emotions when someone criticizes us is a new experience. We have a negative attitude towards stimuli that are unusual for us.

How to overcome destructiveness

Destructiveness is a reflection of aggression and fear. To get rid of the mindset of destruction and self-destruction, you need to work through psychological trauma. To do this, it is better to consult a psychologist.

You can do the following as self-help:

Destructiveness spoils the life of a person and his environment, leading to personality degradation, psychophysical and emotional exhaustion. The tendency to destroy leads to immoral, immoral, criminal acts. Remember that the desire for destruction is a response to unresolved psychological problems. Find them and deal with them.

Source

How not to respond to criticism

“I was criticized, which means I won’t succeed.” Low self-esteem is the first step to failure. Even if the result of the work done turned out to be imperfect, this is not a reason to become despondent. You must always believe in yourself, and criticism will help improve the situation. “They spoke to me too emotionally, which means I’m doing everything badly.” It is not so much the form of presentation of the assessment that is important, but its content. Both constructive and destructive criticism can be expressed too emotionally. It's all about the person who voices his opinion

Here it is important to discard unnecessary emotions and hear useful recommendations. “They criticize me. We need to answer urgently"

An immediate reaction to an assessment is not always good. If the criticism was destructive, the opponent spoke in a raised tone, then there is a risk that you will be drawn into this emotional state, and the result of communication will be a quarrel. It's better to take a break, calm down and think about your answer. “If they criticize me, it means they are finding fault.” See other people's appreciation as a help, not as a way to upset you. Criticized? Not scary. Now you know what not to do and will not make mistakes in the future. “I don’t care if they criticize me.” A lack of response to an assessment is just as bad as an immediate response. Think about what lies behind the criticism? Maybe you are in danger and your opponent is warning you about it. "I'm upset about the criticism, so I can't do anything." You should not take other people's assessments to heart. Constructive criticism makes it possible to avoid mistakes or correct them. The main thing is to have less emotions when making a decision. “They criticize me because they don’t like me/they quarreled/they envy me...” Searching for motives can lead to the opposite result. While you are looking for reasons for criticism, time will be lost to correct mistakes. It is more important to understand what they are saying, not why they are doing it. “Everyone criticizes me because they don’t understand anything.” If different people give the same assessment, think about it, maybe you are doing something wrong. “They don’t tell me anything, which means I’m doing everything right.” Criticism is not always explicit. For example, a subordinate or unfamiliar person cannot speak out openly. However, some actions or words may be hidden criticism. It is important to see it and take action if common sense prevails in the assessment rather than emotions.

Criticize correctly. But if possible, it is better to refrain from speaking out. Criticism can hurt and destroy good relationships.

What does proper feedback look like?

First of all, it is specific. If you share your idea, and a person responds by telling you that nothing will work out for you, this is by definition not constructive. It’s another matter if you asked for feedback: is your plan too optimistic, will it take more money or time, what else can be improved, how to attract people?

The second sign of “good” feedback is that it is aimed at refining and improving your idea. That is, it does not have a hidden goal to scare you and force you to give up everything, because it is too long, too difficult and, in general, is yesterday and is of no interest to anyone.

Another sign: competent feedback, even if it contains an element of criticism, is more likely to inspire. You feel like you and your idea are taken seriously. The other person respects your vision and your goal and is willing to help. With this approach, criticism does not hurt, it turns from negative feedback into help. Anything that makes you feel powerless and inept is not worth pursuing.

There is one time when proper feedback can be painful: if you have made a serious mistake

When working with people, this is due to the fact that you intentionally or accidentally offended someone or ignored them, the person felt bad. In texts, this could be discrimination against a certain group of people, an unfortunate word or expression that is belittling, or an involuntary disclosure of a personal story that the person did not want or expect from you, and so on.

In this case, the feedback may be quite harsh, but it is worth taking into account.

The difference between this situation and devaluation: even if the offended person is very hurt, he will write about a specific situation and his feelings at that moment, and not about your idea as a whole. If you doubt whether you really offended someone or whether the person, as they say, came “to be offended about you,” you can retell the situation to one or two close people whose opinion you trust. This review should be taken seriously and taken into account for the future. But it shouldn’t destroy your sense of self-worth. Mistakes are made in order to learn from them in the future, but not in order to despair and give up everything.

Yana Filimonova

Matrony.Ru - 12/15/2017.

Rules for constructive criticism: How to give advice correctly. Part 2

In the last newsletter, we got acquainted with the first three rules of competent advice:

give advice in a friendly atmosphere (if you don’t know how to create it, then learn),
make sure that first of all the speaker criticizes himself (advice from himself is remembered better),
First, praise - say that the speaker is already doing well (so that the speaker relies on his strengths)!

By the way, these principles are applicable everywhere (and not just in public speaking) - when you advise something to your wife/husband, when you explain something to a child, when you explain something to colleagues at work... So, remember the following tips about literate tips:

What to add in a positive way

Usually advice tells you what not to do: “Don’t look at the ceiling, don’t keep your hands in your pockets, don’t stand in that position...”.

Such advice does not work well, since it is often unclear what to do in return. If you don’t keep your hands in your pockets, then maybe cross them over your chest, or stand in the pose of a football defender before taking a free kick? If you don’t stand in this position... then what position should you stand in??? Unclear!!!

Or criticism comes in the form of a simple statement of fact: “You spoke quietly, you had no gestures, your energy was at the level of 15 points...”

And what? Is it good or bad that I spoke quietly? Should energy go up or down? It’s not clear what to do instead!

We once had an episode at a seminar. The girl gives feedback: “I couldn’t hear you at all.” We, as trainers, ask her to reformulate it positively - “what does the speaker need to do for everything to be OK?” And of course we expect that now she will say “speak louder”... Imagine our surprise when she said “come closer”!!!

Agree, “come closer” and “speak louder” are two very different things!

Also, for advice, use the wording “What to improve/add!...”. Those. instead of the phrase: “There weren’t enough gestures/confidence/volume...”, say “Add gestures/confidence/volume.” This formulation, firstly, is more pleasant to the ear and, accordingly, does not hurt self-esteem so much. And secondly, it’s hard to argue with her, because even a good thing can always be made a little better. Therefore, advice in this form is perceived more fully!

Be specific

This is probably the most important principle of competent advice.

Your advice should be repeatable

Those. must be extremely specific. If you tell a person: “Be more confident,” then he does not understand what they want from him. Because the word “more confident” is very vague.

Be more confident in gestures, posture, gaze, arms, legs??? What they want is unclear!

If you say: “Straighten your shoulders, chin 2 cm up, make your breathing deeper, breathe from the bottom of your belly, lower your arms...” - then this is already a clear and understandable description of what needs to be done.

Similar:

“Speak louder” - it’s not clear what to do, whether to increase the volume by 2 times, or by 2%.
“Wider gestures” is again unclear... Here it is better to stand next to the speaker and show exactly what gestures you would like to achieve from him!

Brevity

A person is able to remember a maximum of 7±2 pieces of information. And an ordinary person is 3±2 units... Therefore, if you notice 20 parameters that need improvement, it is useless to become a nightingale and dump it all on the speaker’s head. Decide which two or three points are the most important, and focus on them. So that the speaker understands what he needs to correct first.

Summarize

“What will you try to change in your performance next time?” By asking this question at the end of the conversation, you will understand which part of your words, your advice, reached the other person, and which part was lost along the way.

And if the answer is “neither be nor me,” then somewhere in your communication there has been a failure and you need to return to the previous stages. If a person clearly formulates what your advice he took into account, how and when he will implement them, then you can congratulate yourself! Your advice has reached its destination!

Summing up also helps the speaker himself better remember what he needs to change in his speeches.

Competent feedback works wonders. Train to be a wise advisor! Especially towards yourself!

In any of your performances, first of all, find something to praise yourself for! Which you should continue to use! Find 2-3 points that definitely need to be changed. Be specific about what it should look like next time...

Analyze each of your speeches this way - and you will be surprised at how quickly your speaking skills grow!

Leader and Lead Trainer

"University of Rhetoric and
Oratory"

What is the use of criticism?

Contrary to popular belief, criticism is an important tool that helps us become better and work on mistakes. Constructive criticism is an essential element of working relationships; It is also important in relationships with a partner, friends and loved ones: without the ability to discuss what does not suit you, it is impossible to build a strong connection.

Taking criticism in stride helps us make bolder, more challenging decisions and teaches us that our actions and work will not necessarily please everyone. We cannot evaluate the result of our work or our idea from the outside. Constructive criticism helps you identify weaknesses in your work and understand what can make it better. Obviously, if a project or idea has a serious flaw, it is better to hear a remark (even if not very pleasant, most importantly constructive) that will help correct it than false assurance that everything is perfect.

Taking into account the psychological characteristics of partners in evaluative statements

Criticism only becomes useful when people accept it.

This rule can be reduced to the following settings:

— Criticism addressed to me is my personal reserve for improvement.

— Criticism is a form of help to eliminate shortcomings in work.

— There is no criticism from which one could not derive benefit.

— Any retouching of criticism is harmful, since it “drives the disease inside” and thereby makes it difficult to overcome shortcomings.

— The business perception of criticism should not depend on who (which person, for what purposes) makes critical remarks.

— The perception of criticism should not depend on the form in which it is presented: the main thing is that the shortcomings are analyzed.

— The central principle of constructive perception of criticism is “everything I have done can be done better.”

— The most valuable benefit of external criticism is to find a rational grain for yourself, even where it is not visible at first glance.

— Any criticism requires at least thinking about what caused it, and at most, how to correct the situation.

— A useful way to deal with criticism is to see areas of work that are outside your field of vision.

— The first step in correctly perceiving criticism is fixing it, the second is understanding from the point of view of its benefits to the cause, the third is correcting the shortcoming, the fourth is creating conditions that prevent its repetition.

— If they criticize me, it means they believe in my ability to fix things and work without failures.

— When there is no criticism addressed to you, this is an indicator of disdain for you as an employee or lack of faith in your ability to perceive it in a businesslike manner.

— The most valuable criticism is that which points out the imperfection of what seems normal.

— Criticism of the possible negative consequences of the decisions I have made is a prerequisite for the timely prevention of work failures.

— The person being criticized has no right to be offended; he only has the right to constructively comprehend what is said to him.

— The person being criticized has the right to counter-criticism. He can actively defend his position. The only thing he is strictly forbidden to do is distort facts for the sake of justification.

— A large number of biased (unfair) criticisms are an indicator of a poor psychological climate in the team. This in itself requires active critical reflection.

“If I reacted to a critical remark with restraint and in a businesslike manner, it means I have overcome myself, I am a strong person.”

- Any criticism is useful if only because it allows you to find out the attitude of the critic towards you, which could be expressed in more extreme forms.

“People are most impressed by a response to criticism that contains specific commitments about what will be done to improve things, with a specific time frame and realistic possibilities.”

— Acknowledging criticism means accepting responsibility for correcting shortcomings.

- Even if the critic is mistaken, one should not rush to rebuke him: in order to involve others in the sphere of criticism, it is useful to support his attempt to critically understand the matter.

All participants in the discussion of any problem have the same rights and are equally subject to these rules.

When is criticism appropriate?

It’s worth expressing your opinion about a person’s work or actions if you want to help him and not to insult or offend him. If a person posts the result of his activities online or presents them to colleagues, he should prepare for comments in advance, listen to them carefully and thank them for the help provided. When evaluating any subject or activity, a critic needs to determine whether he is the target audience and whether he has the right to evaluate this work, since there is a possibility that the shortcomings he identifies will be insignificant and will not affect anything.

Face-to-face consultation

What are the features and advantages of face-to-face consultation?

Skype consultation

What are the features and benefits of Skype consultations?

Criticism is allowed to those people who will subsequently interact with the opponent and deal with his unfinished mistakes.

The main feature of all judgments is the relevance of the opinion and the understanding that it will benefit the person being criticized and will not offend him. This behavior should be followed when commenting on a person’s appearance. It’s stupid to assume that she will immediately make an appointment with a stylist just because she was told about it. Criticism should be where without it complete failure can occur.

What is destructiveness

The term is derived from the Latin word destructio, which means destruction, restructuring of something. Destructiveness in psychology refers to personality traits, the destructive influence of an individual on himself or on the outside world.

Famous psychoanalysts Sigmund Freud and Erich Fromm held different views on the nature of destructiveness. The first psychologist believed that it is inherent in all individuals and differs in direction. Fromm believed that destructiveness sometimes occurs, but it does not have to. If it arises, it is directed at the inner world of the individual and only then at the outer world (as a projection).

Destructiveness as a personality quality develops if a person cannot self-realize, his energy does not find a way out. Destructiveness is the result of obstacles to personal self-expression.

Types of criticism. Constructive and destructive criticism

So, let's look at the main types of criticism. There are only two of them.

1. Constructive criticism is the expression of one’s opinion in order to provide assistance. In this case, the critic evaluates your actions or your position, wanting to help you and bring some benefit. Constructive criticism can be expressed in the form of an objective analysis or in the form of some advice or recommendations for improvement.

Let's look at the main signs by which we can determine that this is constructive criticism:

Objectivity. Expressing his opinion, the critic does not claim the absolute truth, he emphasizes that this is his personal position, his opinion;
Specificity. The critic points out specific details or points that he questions, without saying that absolutely everything is bad;
Reasoning. The person who criticizes gives specific arguments, substantiates his position, shows what his criticism is based on;
Examples from life. When criticizing, a person gives specific examples from his personal or someone else’s life that confirm his train of thought;
Knowledge of the matter. The critic himself is well versed in the issues that he criticizes (for example, he has specialized education, experience, personal achievements);
No personalization. A person criticizes, showing respect, does not get personal, criticizes not the opponent himself, but his actions or beliefs;
Pointing out the positives. The critic points out not only the shortcomings, but also the advantages of your work or your position.

2. Destructive criticism is the expression of one’s negative opinion aimlessly or for selfish purposes. In this case, the critic does not at all want to help the one he criticizes; he does it with some low goals or no goals at all.

Let us highlight the main reasons for destructive criticism:

Manipulative influence. The critic thus influences the opponent in order to persuade him to take some action that is beneficial to him.

Envy

A person can be simply envious of another person, and from this try to look for flaws in him and openly point out them.

A sense of self-importance. There are people who criticize for the sake of the process itself and to receive moral satisfaction from it

This is also destructive criticism in its purest form.

Non-standard thoughts, the path of development. If a person stands out from the crowd, thinks and acts differently from the majority, then there will be many who want to criticize him just because he is not like them. Such criticism is also not constructive.

Now let's look at the main signs indicating that this is destructive criticism. Basically, this is everything that is the opposite of constructive:

Bias. The critic clearly demonstrates that everything he says is an unconditional, 100% truth that cannot even be questioned;
Lack of specifics. Simply everything is criticized, general, vague formulations are used: “everything is bad”, “everything is terrible”, “this is wrong”, “this is futile”, “well, who does this”, etc.;
Unsubstantiated. Destructive criticism is not substantiated in any way, the critic does not give any examples, he simply criticizes and that’s it;
Getting caught up in the little things. The critic actively criticizes the most unimportant aspects that do not have much impact on the overall process or position;
Inappropriateness. A person constantly and actively imposes his criticism, on his own initiative, when no one asks him to do so, and even makes it clear that his opinion is not interesting;
Getting personal. The critic expresses his opinion not about actions and judgments, but about the person himself, and all this in a disrespectful manner.

Now that you know what constructive and destructive criticism is, let's look at how to respond to criticism.

Where to start if you want to constructively criticize your opponent

Before building a dialogue, count to 10 and determine your motives; if they are aimed at benefit and help, express your point of view and be sure to justify it with arguments, but if they arose for the sake of your self-affirmation, then it is better to remain silent.

Your remarks should not sound like an accusation - you are not in court, and your colleague is not the accused. Reason, talk about shortcomings, but do it with respect and friendliness. There is a “sandwich rule” that says - when discussing, praise your interlocutor, then point out the shortcomings, and then again say a few compliments.

Rules for constructive criticism

In order for your judgments to appear objective, you must adhere to the following recommendations.

Prepare carefully for the conversation, think through all its details in advance.
Find the right moment. You need to create all the conditions for comfortable communication; there must be a calm environment so that no external irritants disturb you, and there are no unnecessary people present.
Determine whether the interlocutor wants to contact you. Don’t be intrusive, ask him what he’s doing, if he has a free minute, in case he’s very busy.
Praise him at the beginning of the conversation. And the opponent will not take the comments so painfully.
Speak sincerely from the heart, be gentle. For example: “I’m upset that you left yesterday without saying goodbye, I was worried, don’t do that again.”
If you are overwhelmed with joyful or negative emotions, try to contain them. It is better to express judgments in an even and calm voice.
Never criticize a person. You should evaluate not him, but his work and actions.
Motivate him, tell him about your mistakes, bad experiences in any business.
Be more specific, clearly formulate your thoughts: “I want you to stop misbehaving in class, this is a violation of the rules, you are interfering with the lessons.”
Prepare yourself, because the interlocutor may flare up, object, or behave aggressively. In such a situation, you need to remain calm, walk away from the conversation, and then continue when your opponent has calmed down.
If the communication was successful, end it on a positive note. Say: “You have come such a long way to achieve your goal, it is not easy, you should not give up, you are such a smart and capable person.”

You must understand that in front of you is a living person who has her own advantages and disadvantages, your thoughtless words can hurt and offend her, therefore, if you wish her well, try to objectively express your point of view.

Constructive criticism algorithm: basic steps

I will list step-by-step instructions on what should be done so that your opinion is adequately perceived by the other side. If this is a dialogue between a boss and a subordinate, the manager must adhere to the following algorithm.

Formulate the specific task that you have set for your interlocutor.
Next, explain to him reasonably and in detail what he was wrong about and what he did wrong.
Tell him that you are on his side, make him understand this in every possible way.
Support your colleague, reassure him, say a few compliments and send him to correct the shortcomings.

It is necessary to treat your subordinates with understanding, because the greater the motivation, the higher the productivity. Yelling and insults will make no employee work harder or more attentively.

The main differences between these two varieties

Constructive judgments contribute to self-development, while destructive ones destroy aspirations and cause mental wounds. The main feature of valid criticism is the provision of valuable advice for correcting mistakes and improving performance.

Negative reproaches are based on insults and aggression; such appraisers are not responsible for their words, which hurt and reduce self-esteem. If you encounter such an individual, try to avoid communicating with him, this way you will maintain your calm and your confidence will not suffer.

Actions that do not relate to objective judgment:

Intimidation. Not allowed: “If you don’t clean your room, you’ll go hungry.” Allowed: “Clean up the house, while I prepare dinner.”
Insults. You can’t: “You look very bad, haven’t you washed your hair again?” In general, one should not evaluate external data.
Subjectivity. Don't criticize your friend for her taste, dreams and goals.

Destructive - what does it mean?

Let's define the meaning of the word destructive. The term is derived from the Latin word destructivus, which means “destructive.” What does destructive mean?

The definition of a concept depends on the context, the phrase in which it is used. Let's consider popular cases of using the term, its definition in all phenomena.

Destructive relationships

Signs of a toxic relationship:

Love, according to Fromm’s definition, is an active interest in life and the development of the subject of love. This is what a healthy relationship looks like. This is a union of two independent people, independent financially, morally, physically. Everyone is free, but at the same time everyone wants to spend time with the other, because together they can achieve even more, they enrich each other.

Destructive criticism and communication

Destructive criticism is malicious, caustic, belittling remarks that do not contribute to personal development and demotivate. This is a criticism of personality, not of actions or individual traits. This is the imposition of your opinion, an attempt to “imprison” someone to suit you, to force them to do something the way you want. After toxic criticism, there is no desire to try again, to try something new. Disappointment in yourself, anger, a feeling that you have been doused with slop and trampled on, an attitude of “I’m worthless” appear.

Toxic criticism leads to conflicts, wars, and quarrels. Destructive communication is claims, insults, reproaches. Like incorrect criticism, it leads to conflicts.

Destructive conflict

Constructive conflict brings people closer together, improves mutual understanding, and increases productivity. Destructive conflict has no benefit. The participants do not try to understand each other or solve the problem.

Such conflicts are dangerous. They harm production, relationships, and the well-being of the participants.

Signs of toxic conflict behavior:

A destructive conflict is an irrational confrontation between two personalities. Such individuals have a sharply negative attitude; they do not try to interact or seek a compromise. They suppress others and are ready to go over their heads in order to achieve personal goals. A destructive conflict can only be resolved by a third party (intermediary, mediator).

Destructive feelings and emotions

Destructive emotions and feelings are an unprocessed force that destroys an individual from the inside. Resentment, jealousy, anxiety, sadness, longing, love - any feeling and emotion can become destructive if it does not find a way out. But, of course, more often we are talking about negative experiences and dissatisfaction.

Destructive thoughts and conversations

Obsessive thoughts or useless conversations that interfere with personal development. For example, phobias, flashbacks, replaying old situations with an alternative ending, excessive fantasizing, negative reasoning, lamentations about how bad everything in life is. They need to be replaced with productive actions, solving problems in the present.

Destructive character

Destructive character is the presence of qualities that hinder self-realization, personal development, and its interaction with society. This category includes gloominess, unsociability, isolation, shyness, fear of communication, stubbornness, egocentrism, etc.

Destructive personality

What does a destructive personality mean? This is a person whose activity is aimed at destroying social norms, institutions, and laws. At the same time, activity is aimed at creating one’s own, alternative identity, different from those models that the person is trying to destroy. Such a person cannot live outside of society, because only in interaction with other people does he find ways of self-affirmation, self-actualization, and self-presentation.

Personal destruction can be spontaneous and permanent. The first depends on conditions and manifests itself in specific circumstances. The second is always noticeable, in everything. In both cases, a person has a destructive attitude toward self-affirmation through aggression and the destruction of social objects. The severity of personality destructiveness ranges from passive phrases like “I hate this world, I despise all its foundations and norms” to active asocial actions. Such a person denies generally accepted values and norms and limits life to the framework of his worldview. This leads to a narrowing of thinking and consciousness.

A destructive person is an aggressive type who runs away from freedom. With the help of destruction, he tries to overcome his inferiority, which he feels due to his inability to reveal the potential for self-realization. Through destructive actions (mentally, physically), he suppresses the potential of other people. Such a person cannot adequately evaluate his actions and is hostile to the world.

Destructive influence

Destructive activity

Due to destructive attitudes, a person’s perception and ability to evaluate himself and situations are distorted, and emotional disturbances arise.

Correct criticism: algorithm for constructive criticism