Even the most amazing relationships eventually turn into routine. It seems as if the candy-bouquet period is forever in the past and will never return.
Experts note that such changes are absolutely natural. There is nothing wrong with a relationship that becomes calmer and more measured. Bachelor of Psychology and Professor of Sociology Terry Orbuch calls 10 Ways to Be More Romantic in a Relationship/Brides. This feeling is what keeps people together.
But if you still want to regain your former unpredictability and romance, start with 10 steps.
How to refresh your feelings in a relationship
There are 15 ways to refresh your feelings in a relationship. It is recommended that you familiarize yourself with each method and try to use it. Some of them are aimed at changing internal thinking and behavior, while others are used in conjunction with a partner.
Some methods may be easy, while others may be difficult. However, you should not stop working on relationships if you are unable to achieve results right away. It takes time to restore passion and love for each other. You need to be prepared for mistakes, failures and misunderstandings on the part of your partner.
Why there is a need to refresh (renew) relationships in a couple: possible reasons
If we talk about marital relationships, the vast majority of couples who have lived together for more than 10 years cite domestic problems as the main cause of conflict. Mutual reproaches and dissatisfaction with the situation make it difficult to find a compromise - the relationship deteriorates and moves into another phase.
In addition to everyday life, common reasons for cooling between partners are:
- lack of tenderness, mutual expression of care for each other;
- financial problems;
- low-quality sex;
- stress, fatigue;
- reluctance to develop and work on relationships;
- irrational distribution of responsibilities.
Method 1 – New acquaintance with your loved one
Partners experience the most vivid emotions in the first days of dating. After a few months, the passion gradually fades away and completely disappears from the couple’s life. Vivid feelings at the beginning of a relationship are explained by the fact that partners study each other, reveal their characters, preferences and individual characteristics.
In the middle of a relationship, partners face stability. Mutual sympathy is taken for granted, and the couple no longer experiences new emotions. Exceptions are joint holidays, weddings, etc.
Passion and interest in each other is maintained if both partners are self-sufficient individuals. Trust, intimacy and the absence of secrets are signs of good communication, but if there is too much of them, people cannot experience emotions. Every person must have riddles and secrets known only to him.
To experience vivid feelings again, you should look at the person from a different angle. It is enough to understand that a person cannot be studied throughout his entire life for him to always be interesting. People are constantly changing and developing, which gives them a reason to embrace their situation, take something new for themselves and maintain interest in it.
You should not completely dissolve in your partner, even if he demands it. A person has the right to personal space, secrets, hobbies and free communication. By excluding this, the passion in the relationship disappears.
Discover something new in yourself!
How long has it been since you discovered new facets of yourself? But you probably have hidden talents that can surprise both you and those around you, including your lover! Nowadays there are so many different courses and master classes offered that acquiring a new hobby is as easy as shelling pears. Learn to take professional photographs, become a home cooking guru, master strip dancing - whatever you want!
The main thing is that you like it, that your eyes sparkle with enthusiasm. The secret here is simple: when you are interesting to yourself, you automatically become more interesting to your man.
Method 2 – Erotic methods
There are 4 erotic methods with which you can experience strong feelings and emotions towards your partner. Methods are divided into degrees of risk:
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- The risk is low. Go to a sex shop together, learn something new for yourself and, perhaps, buy new paraphernalia for your sex life. You can also go to a striptease together or watch erotic films.
- The risk is average. Experiencing jealousy, partners become closer in the relationship and passion returns again. To renew your emotions, it is enough to start flirting with another person in one company or in a club. This includes dancing, socializing, etc.
- The risk is high. Treason. An ambiguous way to diversify family life, but it can also be effective. To achieve results, betrayal should not be out of love or strong sympathy. Otherwise, you can put yourself before choosing between partners and destroy the relationship.
- The risk is off the charts. Variety of sex life with the help of a third person. The practice is popular, but can have a negative impact on relationships. Partners may become uninterested in each other and try to create relationships with others.
What advice do they give to all women in a similar situation?
Tip 1
Change yourself. Yes, undoubtedly, we all know that the most important thing in a person is the soul, and love is able to see it even through the prism of unimaginable, and sometimes vile, shortcomings. But I don’t believe this one hundred percent: after all, a man loves with his eyes (we women love to listen, and men love to look).
And even if a young man lives with a woman who is far from the standards of beauty, talks about love every day and “no, you haven’t gained weight, dear,” he will still secretly, sometimes, when his wife is not there, dream of a fatal stripper who desires him tame.
Wait! No need to be upset! None of us looks like the charming Angelina Jolie and doesn’t spin on a pole like Charlize Theron (okay, I’ve done that before).
The main thing is to create the appearance of an ideal (here it is, our secret, our weapon). And the first thing we must do:
- Change your image (If before you were sexy and liberated, now it’s time to play a little at being a naive virgin. Can you do it? I have no doubt that yes!)
- Become more confident in yourself. Of course, this comes with great difficulty for many; it takes years to finally say: “yes, I am a queen!” However, try, because a confident woman, even if she is not Miss Universe, has a hundred times more chances to bewitch a man than a complex beauty
Tip 2
Touch your partner. Psychologists have confirmed: the more often spouses touch each other, the stronger the attachment they develop and, of course, the brighter the sex.
Sex, by the way, plays an important role in a couple: spouses must understand that if one of them cannot give his partner what he needs in sex, he will either begin to get angry and find fault with everyday trifles, or sooner or later he will leave for another partner.
Of course, there is no need to grab a man for his “closest friend” without any reason in order to strengthen your relationship (although he may like it). It’s better to take his hand, run your hand over his cheek, hug him, etc. Just show through touching all the tenderness that you have.
Tip 3
Spend more time with your man, look for common interests. Do you live together, but hardly see each other because everyone is busy with their own work? Stop! Set aside at least one day for the two of you.
You know that the closer a person is on an emotional level and the more topics of conversation you have, the faster you will become each other's best friends again, which is undoubtedly important in a relationship between two people. And yes, this means sharing his interests too. So what, tanks? And killing zombies is generally cool.
Method 3 – Visit a psychologist
Most people neglect the services of psychologists, but specialists are in demand in other countries and save many couples from divorce. A joint visit to a psychologist allows you to understand the causes of problems in relationships and find ways to solve them. If you undergo procedures separately, it is recommended to go to different specialists.
Method 6 – Focus on what you love
Often coldness and misunderstanding appear in relationships after the birth of a child. Young parents focus only on the baby, forgetting that it is necessary to maintain harmony in family life.
You should not overly take care of your child and attend to his every visit. He can be sent to his grandparents for a while, who will be happy to spend time with their grandson.
You should regularly spend time together without thinking about work, children and problems. For a change, you can go to the cinema, theater, cafe or rent a hotel room. Spending time together has a positive effect on relationships and makes you feel in love again.
Method 7 – Discuss your loved one’s wishes and yours
Sex plays a key role in family life. And often the desires in bed of both partners differ, as a result of which one or both cease to receive pleasure. We must not forget about interaction with each other in everyday life. This includes mutual support, care and basic manifestations of love.
In order for both partners to begin to enjoy interacting with each other in sexual and domestic terms, it is recommended to find out the desires and preferences of your lover. To do this, you need to take a piece of paper and divide it into two parts. One column is called “Sex”, the second is called “Love”. Everyone must enter wishes and preferences in the appropriate columns. After this, he demands to exchange leaves and try to change for the better in order to satisfy the desires of the partner.
Difficulties and ways to overcome them
What obstacles might prevent you from building relationships?
- Inability to control anger
- Wrong time to talk
- Inability to express one's thoughts
- Inability to listen Husband: “Where is our daughter?” Wife: “I went to buy myself some jeans
.
Husband:
(irritated)
“She has nothing to wear? She bought them a month ago.” Wife:
(offended)
“But from today the sale began, especially since I allowed it.” Husband:
(losing his temper)
“Why didn’t you consult me?”
. - Anger
This conditional situation clearly shows that the scandal occurred due to the uncontrolled release of emotions. Irritation in the family is inevitable. But you need to learn an important rule for yourself: under no circumstances lose your temper. A few deep breaths will help you stop in time. And if necessary, you can go outside for a while to calm down. And only when you are balanced can you talk about the problem in order to resolve it, and not look for those to blame.
- We gradually move on to the second point - the right time to talk.
In an irritated state, it is impossible to find out who is right and who is wrong. You can say unnecessary things to each other, after which you will be ashamed to even look them in the eyes. If you are both tired or hungry from work, do not start a conversation on topical topics. Otherwise, a scandal is inevitable.
To do this, ask your wife to choose a day at the end of each week to discuss everything. Find a time when both of you are not stressed.
“Can’t we do without any discussions, can we just hug, kiss and bring flowers?”
- you ask. Hugs with flowers shouldn't be a quick fix. This should always be done. But without a confidential conversation, problems are not solved, they are only hushed up for a while, and then they come up again. Every undiscussed problem will eventually result in a scandal.
- Now we learn to speak correctly.
You need to clearly set the goal of the conversation for yourself: to clarify the situation, and not to win the argument and prove that you are right. Your wife is not an adversary on the battlefield, but your ally, and the goal should be to reach mutual agreement. Explain your hurt feelings, but never attack your wife.
Words: “You constantly spend money without consulting me.”
replace it with:
“I hate that you don’t consult.
I get the feeling that you are neglecting me . Talk about your hurt feelings.
Thinking that a real man keeps everything to himself is stereotypical thinking. It is correct to discuss the problem together. At the same time, remember to be respectful.
- Arrogance will not allow you to come to an understanding of how to improve your relationship with your wife.
.
After all, a arrogant person thinks that he knows how his partner feels. You do not know either the thoughts or feelings of your companion. Give her a chance to speak.
If she says offensive things, try to hear the essence of the problem behind the emotional background. She may start screaming, calm her down and reassure her that you are listening to her carefully. Don’t twirl a pencil in your hands or look at your phone. Put everything aside, look her in the eyes and show concern.
Don't interrupt your wife, even if you don't agree with her. Then retell her thought in your own words. No smirking, sarcasm or hostility. Remember, no matter what tone your companion speaks, she is expressing her feelings. Your task is to hear it and take it into account.
To be an attentive listener, you need patience. Let's say in the middle of a conversation you want to give advice. Do not do that. Often women speak out, not to hear a solution to a problem, but to share painful issues. Be her friend, not her mentor. The ability to listen is one of the main secrets of how to improve relationships with your wife.
Method 8 – Stress Management
Stress has a negative impact on a person, as a result of which he takes it out on his partner, stops experiencing pleasure from sex and becomes fixated on negative emotions. To avoid such consequences, it is recommended to learn how to manage stress. To begin with, it is recommended to engage in sports, yoga, meditation or other physical activity. You also need to monitor your sleep. You need to sleep at least 7-8 hours.
If your mental state is unstable, you should make an appointment with a psychologist.
Method 9 – New Attachment
There are 3 types of attachment that manifest themselves in relationships:
Attachment based on confidence:
- “I am confident that my partner will stay with me in difficult moments, and I trust him completely.”
- “It’s easy for me to express my true emotions and feelings to my loved one”
- “I rarely or never worry that we will break up.”
Attachment combined with anxiety:
- “I’m afraid that my partner will stop loving me and leave me”
- “My partner doesn’t live with me out of love and cheats”
- “My partner is not as much in love with me as I am with him”
Attachment combined with avoidance
- “I don’t tell my partner about my sincere emotions and feelings”
- “I don’t want to receive support from my partner”
- “I feel uncomfortable opening up to my partner”
Attachment combined with anxiety shows that a person is not confident in himself and is afraid to part with his partner. People whose attachment is based on avoidance immediately prepare for the end of the relationship in order to experience fewer negative emotions later. Such people do not become seriously attached to anyone and try to keep their distance.
An ideal relationship is one that is based on confidence in each other. Partners are not afraid to trust each other, calmly talk about their experiences and are ready to open up.
Help your husband become a “captain”
If a woman takes care of all the housework and is used to dealing with problems herself, then who will give flowers and do something for her?
An important factor in a relationship is to make it clear to the man that his wife is a fragile girl, and not an “iron man.” Do not deprive a man of the right to participate in household chores. Responsibilities that require masculine strength are the responsibility of the husband. A man is given the opportunity to show what he is capable of. For every little thing, say words of gratitude to your husband.
Method 12 – Accept yourself
A person who loves himself cannot be hurt in any way. He is confident in himself and does not give in to criticism. Such people feel comfortable not only in companies with a lot of people, but also in sex. This has a positive effect on relationships.
To accept yourself and your body, it is recommended to go to the mirror and look at yourself. Understand that you are individual and your partner admires your body. Often it is self-criticism that affects self-esteem, so you need to get rid of it. To do this, you should look at your body every day and try to come to the point that you like it.
Picnic
A good idea to refresh your relationship as a couple is to relax and have a picnic in the fresh air. It can be arranged either early in the morning, enjoying the fresh cool air, or in the evening under the stars. The time of day doesn't matter, it's the company that matters. Once surrounded by beautiful nature, the married couple begins to feel more calm and comfortable. Topics for casual conversation immediately appear, you want to make joint plans and dream.
Method 13 – Don't be hard on yourself
In your head you can hear self-criticism about your figure and appearance, about stupid actions, failures and other problems where you feel guilty. To get rid of this, it is recommended to use a simple method:
- Write down all your problems on pieces of paper. It is necessary to take into account further the smallest moments.
- At the top, write the name of the friend who allegedly told you this situation.
- Answer questions and show compassion, but for yourself.
- You can't say what you would say to your best friend.
Read aloud to each other
Instead of sitting in the evenings, each with his head buried in his laptop or magazine, start reading one book together - out loud. This simple way of spending time actually brings people closer together. For holiday relaxation, an exciting detective story is best, and for leisurely winter evenings, something from the good old classics.
You yourself will not notice how you want to discuss what you read - and now the topic of your conversations will go beyond the usual everyday issues.
Method 14 – Get out of your comfort zone
Couples enter a comfort zone after a period of dating. Partners lose interest in each other, which is not normal. To maintain harmony, you need to feel bright emotions and new feelings from life. There are 2 strategies in total:
- Increased heart rate. It is recommended to visit places where the heart begins to beat faster and adrenaline is released. These are attractions, big concerts, political rallies, or just arguments with a partner. The brain understands that such a pastime is interesting and improves mood.
- Meaningful obstacles. To take relationships to a new level, you need to overcome obstacles that previously seemed inaccessible. This also applies to sex, when partners are afraid to admit their desires to each other.
Don't be afraid to try something new. This will only strengthen relationships and make life brighter.
Tip #6: Flirt to spice up your relationship with a girl!
And not with someone, but with his girlfriend. Give gifts, make pleasant surprises. You did this when you first started dating, and if not, then it’s all the more time to catch up. Flirting doesn't always have to lead to sex. It is important that lightning flashes constantly between you and there is tension. Kisses, hugs and compliments lift your spirits. All this should be in moderation. Sometimes let the girl yearn for your attention so that she doesn’t get fed up.
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