It is customary to look at problems with character as a purely external defect, because from the outside it seems that only the person’s surroundings suffer from it. The bearer of the defect, according to popular opinion, is satisfied with everything, otherwise he would have taken action long ago or, at least, a decision to strengthen his character. To understand whether this is so in reality, let's draw a parallel with a physical deficiency, for example, with stoop. A slouched person is unpleasant to look at - this is all he can do to complicate the life of those around him. The person himself suffers from:
- Hostile glances.
- Regular back pain.
The first affects self-esteem, makes a person suspicious, creates permanent stress, which cannot but affect mental health. The second needs no comment.
Many readers will argue that a physical defect is more difficult to correct than a personal one. This is a myth, and it is not spread by the smartest people who do not recognize any efforts other than mechanical ones. Like, it’s hard to carry sacks of potatoes, but internal work cannot be hard by definition. How can it be, only because there are no instructions for its implementation, no guarantees of success, no unambiguous guidelines.
The path of personality transformation is a path of endless making and correcting mistakes. That’s why deciding on it is more difficult than coming up with an excuse for all your shortcomings.
And yet, the issue has been studied for a long time; there has always been a demand for services in the field of improving personal qualities, so modern psychologists and psychotherapists are able to help a person change himself. They act as a kind of guides, helping to avoid some mistakes and not lose support at the first difficulties. However, a person always does the main work himself.
If we talk specifically about developing a strong character, then this is one of the most understandable areas of development, since hardness is always a response to stress. If the stress is physical, the muscles harden; if the stress is moral, the will becomes stronger and the character is strengthened. The only way to develop strength of character is to constantly test it for strength, but do it wisely, without going to extremes, without trying to carry more than you can lift.
Think less
The first stopping factor is fear, which can be obvious or hidden. Obvious fear is felt in moments of direct danger, it is easy to detect, it is understandable, because it is in the area of consciousness. Hidden fear is a reaction to a perceived danger, lives in the subconscious and is difficult to detect. Symptoms of such fear are doubts and “excuses.” There are statistics showing that the most successful businessmen are poor planners but men of action. Such a person will smash his head against the wall 30 times, but on the 31st he will find a weakness in the wall. And those who like to tinker with plans for a long time too often do not come to action, because there are reasons to change their minds.
Why can't you punish your subordinates?
Example:
This is not the first time your subordinate has violated his job description, and according to the regulations, you are obliged to punish him.
But you can't do that! You can't psychologically!
You have an irrational feeling of guilt, as if it is your fault that it is not working well!
You don't realize it. You react with your body. You experience such a “cotton” state , and your brain automatically comes up with an excuse why it doesn’t need to be punished this time either.
In the end, again you agree that this is the last time. And everything repeats all over again.
The reason is still the same. Situations in childhood where you were “blamed” by your parents, “blamed” on purpose, and just like that.
The solution specifically to this problem is here >>>
The conditioned reflex took hold. And already as an adult, you react like a child.
The “treatment” is still the same. Feelings of irrational guilt need to be worked through.
Important point. Before working through feelings of guilt, you need to work through feelings of irrational anxiety and shame. Because if you feel fear, shame, a sense of inferiority, the feeling of guilt may return to you.
Work with motivation
When it comes to the fundamental principles of life, such as maintaining health, inviolability of home, and the safety of loved ones, there are no soft people. Everyone immediately becomes tough and begins to defend their interests. Even if the character never existed, it will appear and manifest itself so clearly that everyone will be surprised. This speaks of the great potential of the human psyche, of the reserves that are tapped in the event of a “mortal” need, when the harmful expression “no big deal” stops working.
An extreme situation differs from a non-extreme one in that it does not allow absentee optimism - “it won’t work out and that’s okay,” replacing it with “it’s bound to work out.” Learn to artificially create such a mood when approaching any task.
Films and books about cruelty
Films are made and books are written about cruelty, the most famous films being:
- "Scarecrow", 1981 The film is about a girl who is going through an already quite difficult period in her life, moving to another school. And yet, your closest friend turns out to be a traitor.
- "Something is wrong with Kevin", 2011. The film is based on the work “The Price of Unlove” by Lionel Shriver. The main character has been cruel since childhood, although, at first glance, he does not have any compelling reasons to do so.
- "Doll", 1988 The heroine is experiencing the consequences of an injury, because of which she had to quit sports. In addition, she is very cruelly rejected by a guy for whom she had special feelings.
- "Capture", 2010 The film amazes with cruelty and naturalistic details. The plot revolves around a family moving to a new home, where they are attacked by robbers.
- "Experiment", 2001 The film is based on real events about the Stanford experiment.
- “The Pursuer”, 2008 A Korean film about a serial maniac that won awards and recognition.
- “Paradise Lake”, 2008 A married couple goes to the lake for the weekend, but their vacation is ruined by a group of aggressive teenagers.
Doll
Capture
Experiment
Pursuer
Paradise Lake
Scarecrow
Something's Wrong with Kevin
Books of Cruelty:
- George Orwell "1984". The most famous dystopia of the twentieth century about the danger of totalitarianism in society.
- George R.R. Martin, A Song of Ice and Fire series of books. A fantastic saga about several generations of people with naturalistic scenes that capture the imagination of even the most experienced reader.
- Harper Lee "To Kill a Mockingbird". The story of the trial of a black guy who was accused of committing violence against a white girl.
- Fyodor Dostoevsky "Crime and Punishment." A novel about a double crime that was committed because of money. The book leaves a lasting impression.
- Agatha Christie "Ten Little Indians". Who and why invited people to a remote island and kills them in the most sophisticated ways?
- Daniel Keyes, The Mysterious Case of Billy Milligan. Billy opens his eyes and finds himself in a prison cell for a crime he didn't commit.
What books and films about cruelty do you know? Tell us about them in the comments. What lessons did you learn from these works?
Track your achievements
Toughness of character does not come out of thin air; it is a consequence of self-confidence, which is supported by opportunities. Mostly people who don’t believe in themselves complain about a lack of toughness. A person’s self-esteem is structured in such a way that it can only be regulated with the help of facts. We won, achieved, achieved - self-esteem is in the plus; we lost, lost, gave up - self-esteem is in the minus. It is noteworthy that all victories and achievements can count as positives; it is important to start giving them importance. To do this, keep a diary or journal, write down every small victory in it and strive to ensure that there are more entries.
Tough people - what are they like?
If the phrase “tough person” comes up in a conversation, then many begin to draw an image of an intolerant person who looks with disdain at the weakness of others. In fact, toughness can be called a reflection of a person’s strongest character traits, including perseverance, will and self-control.
Tough people tend to be leaders by nature. Moreover, it is worth considering that this character trait is not innate, it is formed under the influence of various external factors, often difficult life situations.
Rigidity can essentially be called the ability to remain steadfast even when external or internal stimuli for a long time do not provide the opportunity to relax.
Important
Internal irritants include personal weaknesses and desires, and external irritants include insults, neglect and resentment caused by other people.
A tough person is characterized by the following behavior:
- The ability to quickly navigate difficult life situations and find the most optimal solution to a problem.
- The ability to defend your point of view on any important issue.
- The ability to protect yourself and your loved ones in critical situations, often without the use of physical force.
- High level of discipline, punctuality and willingness to take responsibility for words and actions.
The above character traits become the basis for the formation of an internal core, which often manifests itself in the form of rigidity, which can be very useful in situations such as:
- Conflicts with colleagues in the work environment.
- Stressful and force majeure incidents.
- Disputes and discussions that require defending your opinion.
- As a means of defense against opponent's aggression.
However, you should not think that rigidity is an exclusively positive feature. Such people also have certain disadvantages, for example:
- Emotional stinginess. It can be quite difficult for tough people to express intense joy or grief. For them, such vivid emotions are a sign of weakness that they cannot afford. They are used to controlling themselves both in professional activities and in everyday life, and increased emotionality for them is an indicator of a loss of control.
- Tendency to egocentrism. Over time, tough people begin to prioritize only their needs, believing that their desires and opinions are above all.
- Intolerance. A tough person is critical of himself and his environment. He does not accept weakness and mistakes. Democracy and tolerance are alien to him. If a tough person demands the maximum from himself, then he will also set higher standards for others.
- Problems with building romantic and friendly relationships. Intolerance and the inability to turn a blind eye to the shortcomings of others almost always become a tangible problem in creating social connections of one degree or another. No love can guarantee that a year later a tough person will not begin to reproach his soulmate for her bad habits or lack of ambition.
Create the desired image for yourself and work on its implementation
Just don’t focus on creating an image; it’s enough to just understand what you’re doing. In fact, your task is to become who you want to become, now. That is, if you dream of becoming a self-confident person, strong, with a decisive and tough character, there is no point in waiting until you turn into him through some evolutionary path. It’s best to write down the key qualities of your new “me” on paper and immediately start developing them. For example, sign up for a gym or boxing class to improve your appearance, learn to fight back and reinforce your decisiveness with the weight of your fist in case of emergency.
How does it manifest in humans?
The manifestation of cruelty in humans can be considered from the point of view of neurophysiology. This quality often appears in the form of a person’s response to any stimulus. This is due to the innate human need for a feeling of comfort and security.
In the brain, the amygdala and posterior hypothalamus are responsible for cruelty. The first ensures the collection of information and gives the second a reaction to act.
The adrenal glands secrete the hormones adrenaline and norepinephrine. They are the ones who increase a person’s level of rigidity. The level of cruelty can also be influenced by the hormones dopamine and serotonin. This is especially true when a person demonstrates physical cruelty, and he requires clarity of movements, sharpness and reaction.
The tone of the skeletal muscles increases and pain sensitivity decreases. The breathing of a person who is planning cruelty is usually rapid and shallow. Sweating is increased, fine motor skills are impaired, and the pulse quickens.
Is cruelty visible in facial expressions?
It is worth taking a closer look at the facial expressions of a cruel person. He may begin to “play” with his jaw muscles. His gaze is usually focused and does not look around.
Surround yourself with examples
The saying “Whoever you mess with, you’ll get rich from” works. A person learns fastest when he repeats after another person, even if he does not realize it. The more people with a tough character in your environment, the more features of their behavior will be passed on to you in the course of communication and joint activities. You don’t even have to consciously do anything; changing your character to a tougher one will happen by itself, the main thing is to find a suitable environment.
The future and consequences of cruelty
Abuse of a person can lead to negative physiological consequences:
- The likelihood of developing depression, anxiety disorder, disorganization in the emotional sphere. Abuse also provokes a person to use alcohol and illegal substances.
- Reduction in the diameters of nerve processes.
- Thinning of the areas of the brain that are responsible for the human “I” and mood centers.
- Borderline personality disorders.
- Reduced volume of the visual cortex.
- Decreased activity of cognitive functions (speech, memory, attention, thinking, imagination).
- Choosing a partner who has violent tendencies.
Cruelty in relation to the worldview can provoke an increase in the number of terrorist attacks, wars, incitement of national hatred, etc.
The video talks about submission to authority and the bystander effect, about psychological experiments and their criticism, about the connection between indifference and cruelty.
Methods of protection
When faced with aggression from others, it is necessary to take the following measures:
- Learn a couple of self-defense techniques and use hand-to-hand combat when there is a threat coming from strangers.
- Learn to ignore “energy vampires” who create insults and provocations.
- Increase self-esteem. People who are too soft and modest attract tough people like a magnet.
- In some situations, it is worth asking for help from those closest to you, or contacting law enforcement agencies (for example, if a neighbor is threatening to kill you).
If a person suffers from his own cruelty and wants to change, he needs to work on self-esteem. Perhaps the individual strives to rise, to prove to himself and others his own importance. It is also worth periodically visiting the place of your interlocutor and feeling the suffering of the victim. A psychologist will provide good help in this situation: a specialist will make it clear what manifestations of anger can mean and suggest effective ways to manage aggression.
Signs of brutality in appearance
The main external feature that gives a man brutality is a chin of a certain shape. It is believed that the shape of this part of the face can say a lot about a person’s character.
Those with a well-defined and moderately angular chin are called brutal people. Such individuals are endowed with willpower, they are determined, purposeful, and clearly know what they want to get from life.
In addition to a strong-willed chin, brutality can be indicated by a fit, athletic figure, a neat haircut and a neat appearance.
