There are 3 types of narcissism - here's how to recognize them

Narcissism is a character trait that manifests itself in inflated levels of self-esteem, narcissism, and the perception of oneself and one's qualities from an exclusive point of view, which often does not correspond to the real state of affairs. The very name of this psychological feature comes from the Greek legend about Narcissus, who preferred admiring his reflection to the love of a nymph, which is why he was turned into the flower of the same name.

In psychological and psychiatric practice, excessive development of narcissism is considered from the perspective of personality deviations and character accentuations. At the same time, many scientists say that every personality has a narcissistic part; the only question is the level of development of this trait and its impact on the overall quality of a person’s life. Depending on how narcissism manifests itself, it can be divided into destructive and constructive, pathological and normative.

It was previously believed that narcissism was an exclusively male trait, but recent research has shown that it is equally common among both men and women. Narcissistic accentuation is usually not an innate quality, but acquires pathological forms only under certain developmental conditions, however, there may also be hereditary prerequisites at the level of the nervous system, for example, ADHD may be the basis for this type of personality disorder. It practically never occurs in childhood. The first signs may begin to appear in adolescence, and most often in adolescence and adulthood. This is due to psychological trauma, the development of reflection, social environment and upbringing.

Signs of Narcissism

All personal activities of the narcissist are organized around maintaining the necessary level of self-esteem and their image. This is complicated by the fact that a person is not guided by the objective data of reality and does not in any way correlate his own traits and manifestations with the responses of others, thus creating a closed system. Such an internal structure can be diagnosed not only by a person’s feelings, but also by signs of narcissism:

• Reassessing your own capabilities, skills and talents. Often accompanied by a complete lack of criticism of one’s own person and the ability to admit mistakes or one’s own incompetence. Such a person sincerely tells others that they will never find a better person (worker, artist, husband), and demands that they show colossal tolerance to all their characteristics.
• Mood swings and self-esteem. Such people’s own sense of self strongly depends on the behavior of others. Therefore, when there is praise and recognition, self-esteem borders on delusions of grandeur, and in a situation where there is no such recognition, depression begins. The middle state is extremely rare. Usually the narcissist is either in a self-perception of himself as a deity or as a nonentity.
• Manipulating others for one's own benefit or directly using people. The narcissist’s opinion is always presented as the only true one, and when trying to prove the opposite, options ranging from anger to violence are possible. Manipulation concerns both the material and moral spheres. The narcissist literally sucks all the juice out of loved ones, and relationships with him are often characterized as tyrannical, codependent and frustrating.
• Lack of empathy and, as a result, the inability to respond adequately and build quality relationships. Narcissists rarely adhere to moral and ethical standards, and there are a large number of criminals and antisocial individuals among them. This is due to the fact that they do not have an internal mechanism for regulating behavior and restrictions based on sensitivity and humanity, like most people. In everyday life, this can manifest itself as inability to listen, constant interruption of the interlocutor, and lack of attention to the problems of others.
• Communication problems. A person with narcissism treats the vast majority of people with condescension and contempt, without empathy for them. Typical defense mechanisms in relationships with others among narcissists are idealization and further devaluation of some people, which is an internal projection of the attitude towards oneself. This mechanism does not apply to every person, but to the “chosen ones” who seem to the narcissist, by some criteria, better than himself. That is, in his perception there are people “higher” than him who arouse his interest until he finds a reason to devalue them. And there are people “below” him, in his understanding, less successful, less capable, less attractive, and therefore unworthy of attention. At the beginning of a relationship, the narcissist elevates people whom he considers “higher” than him to the rank of the smartest, most beautiful, most talented people on earth. After some time, the scales shift to the opposite side, and the former ideal is overthrown.

This also includes problems with asking for help - the narcissist will never turn to another, admitting his weakness, and when he is helped, he experiences an almost unbearable feeling of shame. There is no ability to perceive criticism, which entails harsh forms of behavior (shouting, rudeness, physical violence). A high level of sensitivity leads to over-touchiness, the reasons for which are usually far-fetched and exaggerated.

• Excessive envy is born from shaky self-esteem and insecurity. It can manifest itself in envy of certain things and material well-being, social and family status, fame or freedom. The narcissist is not limited to such personal categories as creativity, the ability to rejoice, the ability to show kindness and sensitivity.
• Self-destructive behavior. The narcissist seeks to drown out any stress and feelings either with stronger positive experiences or with large doses of psychoactive substances as the simplest way out of an uncomfortable reality. But the destruction of one’s life can also manifest itself in inconstancy of desires, without the necessary amount of perseverance and work. Frequent changes of work and hobbies, the ability to spend all the money on purchasing equipment, getting caught up in some idea and abandoning everything after a week are normal episodes in a narcissistic life.
• The predominance of the negative spectrum of emotions. Positive comments from a narcissist are possible only about himself and about those “chosen ones” whom he considers better than himself; regarding the rest, he expresses only criticism. People with narcissism experience frequent anger and attempts to blame others for their failures, irritation that people do not behave the way the narcissist wants (even nitpicking about the tone of their voice or choice of clothing), as well as the desire to achieve everything through intimidation and shouting .
• "Black and white thinking." A person with narcissism lacks adequacy in their perception of the world. Everything is either terrible or wonderful.

All of the listed features of the psyche are formed as a result of numerous psychological traumas and pursue the goal of preserving the psyche, i.e. act as protective psychological mechanisms. Intelligence with these personal qualities can be high, up to genius. At the same time, narcissists can be very attractive and charming, but, nevertheless, are not capable of constructive, empathic connection with another person.

Vivid literary examples include Ostap Bender, Rhett Butler and The Great Gatsby. The fates of all these heroes are accompanied by drama, beautiful “scenery”, unattainable love for beautiful ladies, scams and exciting adventures. It is with such acute experiences that narcissists try to fill their inner emptiness.

You're More Attractive Than Other People - Or At Least You Think So

Narcissists are typically rated as more stylish and physically attractive, according to a study conducted by University of Washington psychologist Seemin Wazir. However, this is not always the case. According to a 2008 study, narcissists rated themselves highly in both appearance and intelligence, but when they took IQ tests, they scored average. When their peers were asked to rate their narcissistic friends based on their appearance, they scored lower than the narcissists themselves.

Causes of narcissism

The main points that influence the emergence of narcissism can be divided into several groups:

• family relationships (relationships with mother at an early age, interaction with brothers and sisters);
• social factors of the immediate environment (features of upbringing and interaction with significant adults - grandparents and other relatives or guardians);
• macrosocial factors (for example, encouragement in a culture of achievement, material security, etc.).

The most significant period for the formation of personality is an early age (up to 3 years), respectively, and narcissism begins to develop during this period. If a child does not receive enough love, warmth and support from his parents, and does not feel the unconditional security of the world, then in adulthood this will require compensation. Neglect or lack of attention on the part of the mother, threatening the survival of the baby, is clearly imprinted in the inner world, and then such a person requires constant attention and treatment of himself as a king or deity. This also includes constant criticism of the child instead of support and encouragement in the early stages - this leads to an unsatisfied need for admiration.

The opposite model of parental behavior with overprotection and instant satisfaction of the child’s needs also leads to the development of the narcissistic part. A person gets used to such an attitude from childhood, and then, when faced with the real world, he experiences shock and demands the usual way and speed of satisfying his needs. Overpraised children, who are constantly focused on winning and achieving, can also suffer and turn into narcissists who experience moral relief only during periods of glory.

The main causes of narcissism:

• inadequate level of self-esteem;
• overprotection or hypoprotection on the part of parents and the immediate social environment;
• psychological trauma;
• ignoring the child’s personality (imposing one’s desires and vision of the world);
• narcissistic injury (inherent in those raised by narcissistic parents).

Depending on the overall personality structure, the same reasons can lead to the development of different forms of narcissism. As a rule, psycho-emotional, family, pedagogical, social reasons “lie” on the basis of heredity and biological characteristics of the nervous system, which leads to the formation of narcissistic personality disorder.

How to live with a narcissist?

What should you do if you work under or live with a narcissistic boss? It is useless to appeal to his mind or feelings. People with narcissistic and paranoid traits are not introspective. They consider themselves flawless. Although they need help, they never seek it and will not thank you for pointing it out to them. Life with a narcissist is simply unbearable.

You are in danger - it is you who will have to decide: to adapt, tolerate or distance yourself from the narcissist so as not to become his victim - emotionally, psychologically or physically. Dealing with narcissists is exhausting and debilitating. You did not come into this world to become a toy in the hands of an abuser or manipulator. They will continue to use and humiliate you. They will never treat you as an equal or think about your well-being.

Of course, after a relationship with a narcissist it will be difficult to rebuild, but the result will be worth the effort, you’ll see!

Video about narcissistic people:

Constructive, destructive and other forms of narcissism

Depending on the extent to which a person exhibits the narcissistic part, the form of narcissism is classified.

If a person knows how to control his narcissistic manifestations and relies on an analysis of facts, then this is constructive narcissism - the only form of healthy manifestation of the trait. A moderate dose of self-confidence, a claim to the highest rewards and evaluations from others shapes behavior that contributes to the achievement of various goals. Constructive narcissism helps you position yourself correctly in interviews and negotiations, skillfully promote your own projects, and make the necessary contacts.

There are many more negative forms of narcissism, and they all belong to the destructive direction. Such behavior can destroy a person’s personality (auto-aggression), his family or social life, cause harm to health (even suicide), and also negatively affect society as a whole. Destructive narcissism can be presented in the following classifications:

• Somatic and cerebral narcissists (according to the French psychoanalyst Andre Green). People differ in the subject of their own painful fixation. For example, somatic narcissists are fixated on the beauty of their own body (they constantly admire it, take care of it, take pictures, etc.), while cerebral narcissists admire their intellectual and creative abilities.
• Perverted narcissism (malignant, antisocial). It stands out as a separate type of personality disorder, in which a person lacks concepts of morality and conscience, as well as the ability to empathize. These are criminals and manipulators, tyrants and despots, with a high level of aggressiveness, rancor, and desire for revenge. Emotional experiences that grip such narcissists, for example, motivated by jealousy, often lead to murder. In close relationships, they are characterized by psychological abuse, gaslighting, lack of respect for the partner and a constant desire to dominate. A favorite technique for achieving one’s own goals is to “turn around” the situation and interpret it in a completely unusual way - so as to form a new, advantageous picture. For example, where the aggressor is presented as the injured party or the other is accused of his own lies.
• “Amorous narcissists,” identified by the American psychologist Theodore Millon, put romantic experiences at the forefront; moments of flirtation and seduction are important to them. Through falling in love with another person, such a narcissist gains a sense of self-worth and superiority.
• Compensatory - those who internally feel their own inferiority. It is not inflated self-esteem, but the desire to compensate for one’s own insignificance that forces a person to constantly seek admiration and attention.

This classification helps to understand the manifestations of narcissism in life, but is conditional. Forms of personality disorder can flow into one another depending on the social environment, and can also be combined with each other.

Separately, it is worth highlighting pathological narcissism, which is classified as a personality disorder and may require therapy in a neuropsychiatric hospital during periods of exacerbation. Often this stage of development of the narcissistic part of the personality is accompanied by a lack of criticism, objective perception of reality, delusions of grandeur and psychotic disorders.

You hate feeling emotions

“The very fact of having feelings in the presence of another person suggests that you can be moved emotionally by friends, family, partners, and even the occasional tragedy or misfortune,” says Harvard Medical School psychologist Craig Malkin. This is why narcissists hate them.

The emotions “challenge their sense of complete autonomy,” he continues. “Admitting feelings of any kind assumes that they can be affected by someone or something from the outside.”

As a result, narcissists tend to change the subject when feelings are brought up, especially their own.

You enjoy humiliating other people

Narcissistic people intentionally suppress others in order to maintain a high, positive image of themselves. “Admiration seeking is like a drug for narcissists,” says Mithja D. Back, a psychologist at Johannes Gutenberg University in Mainz, Germany. “Eventually, things become very difficult because not everyone is ready to applaud them, so they always have to find new acquaintances from whom they get their next fix.”

This also explains why narcissists usually only maintain weak relationships.

You put some people on a pedestal

Malkin says the logic here is: “If I find someone perfect to be with me, perhaps some of their perfection will rub off on me, and I will become perfect by association.”

With this ideal in mind, narcissists suck up to people they perceive as perfect—whether it's a coworker or a romantic partner—and then are truly disappointed when that person isn't as flawless as they imagined. For a narcissist, everything has to be perfect.

Your parents ignored and adored you

Research shows that the combination of parental rejection and excessive admiration is more strongly associated with narcissism in adults than if one childhood experience always existed without the other. Inconsistency and harshness in the way parents treat their children will eventually create a "deep craving for admiration" and cause the narcissist to lead a life of seeking fleeting selfish incentives, Psychology Today reports.