How to learn not to worry and live without worries

There have been plenty of stressful situations in recent months - we were worried about our health, work, children, restrictions... Why did some suffer more, while for others, little seemed to have changed in their lives? What does our reaction to stress depend on – and is it possible for a person to change it?

Let's ask ourselves a question: what causes a person to experience negative mental (emotional) states? What makes us afraid, angry, anxious, irritated, guilty and ashamed, angry, remorseful, or any other negative emotion? What is the cause of all these conditions, which in everyday life are often called in one word - stress?

Yes, there is physiological (biological) and psychological stress. Let me give you a simple example. Biological stress is the physiological tension that a person will experience if you pour cold water on them on a hot day. What will happen? The head will be pulled into the shoulders, the face will wrinkle, trembling will go through the body, and vascular spasm will occur. These physiological reactions will manifest themselves in the vast majority of people in a given situation.

But psychologically , people will react differently to what will happen to them. Most likely, the majority will be dissatisfied with this event, will begin to complain, be indignant: “Oh-oh! Stop it immediately, I feel bad!” And someone will react joyfully: “Hey, hey! Let's! Hooray!". Obviously, the former can reach the point of emotional overload and stress, while the latter cannot. Although their physiological reaction will be the same.

We are, of course, interested in psychological stress, not biological. Therefore, in the future, by the word “stress” we will mean exclusively emotional stress of high intensity.

Why do we worry

The root of excessive sensitivity to what is happening lies in various reasons. Psychologists identify several main sources:

Frequent exposure to stress in childhood and adolescence.
Excessive parental care, which does not allow the development of protective mechanisms.
Genetic predisposition to reduced stress resistance.
Constant negative atmosphere at home, at work and in the company of friends.

Prevention of stressful situations

Preventing stressful situations will help avoid serious psychological problems in the future. What effort does it take to do this?

Change your attitude towards the situation.

Often all people's problems are temporary, it is important to remember this. Even the worst things don't last forever. Soberly assess the case and try to look for ways to solve it, even if it takes longer than you planned. Discipline, tolerance and calm will help in the fight against stress. Sometimes, by changing your attitude to the situation, you can already solve the problem.

What does stress lead to?

Anxiety and constant stress lead to the fact that a person becomes unable to control his own life at a sufficient level. Added to this are other unpleasant consequences.

Tendency to use substances that can make you temporarily forget that you have a problem. This could be alcohol, special medications, or excessive smoking.
Loss of life goals. Fear of failure makes you abandon your plans and implement your ideas.
The development of chronic fatigue provokes the appearance of various diseases, which the body does not have the strength to fight.
The brain, overloaded with processing constant stress, loses tone and performance.

Tip 4: Comfort zone

It is common in society to strive to stop being an uncomfortable person. But what does it mean? You should always follow other people's advice, dress as instructed, and behave as others say. We avoid discomfort in everything, even in our careers and everyday life.

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Let me give you an example: any person who has begun to learn about yoga finds the next twisted pose very uncomfortable. But when you stand in a pose and do not resist, a feeling of stillness appears. The same is true in stressful situations. If you start to accept stress as a positive thing, you will notice many benefits.

Research shows that stress is destructive until you believe it isn't. Changing the way you think about problems and adversities changes their effect on your body.

A study by Stanford psychologist Kelly McGonigal found that the best way to manage stress is not to reduce or avoid it, but rather to reframe and even accept it. When people view worries and anxiety as something harmful, then the first problems appear.

So the next time you feel stressed, try playing a game with yourself: instead of asking “why is this happening,” ask “why did this happen” or “what will happen next.”

Irritation and discomfort

When we are nervous, we begin to get lost, when we are lost, we become nervous. You need to be able to break this vicious circle. Make it a habit to breathe deeply whenever you feel irritated. This will help you calm down quickly enough to make the right decisions.

Pay attention to yoga. This activity is designed to ensure internal harmony, and this is precisely what is lacking in people exposed to stress. A few tens of minutes a day, and you are already quite capable of controlling your emotions and easily escaping discomfort. Breathing techniques, correct postures and thoughts are all aimed at enabling you to achieve absolute calm.

What else can help?

Each of us would like to remain calm in any situation, both at home and at work. In order to maintain good health and not be a prisoner of stress, you will need to take several steps.

Learn to relax and feel harmony within yourself

In addition to the methods listed above, the following tips are also useful.

Try to stick to proper nutrition.
Play sports.
Take short breaks while working.
Try to maintain a good mood in any situation.
Try to get away from stressful situations.
Drink more fluids.

Despite the harsh and extremely stressful pace of modern life, it is important to take care of yourself and your health.

In pursuit of material gain, a person can put an end to the condition of his body, which is absolutely forbidden to do, because you won’t earn all the money.

Analysis and analysis of fears

To get rid of the constant worries that are so annoying every day, you need to do a lot of work on yourself. If you don’t do this, you will interfere with the lives of not only yourself, but also those around you. To live without worrying and without spending a lot of energy on stress, learn to deal with all your fears. Divide them into two lists: solvable and unsolvable.

Let's start with the problems that can be solved. If you understand that with due effort you can easily cope with them, then you should not waste your nerves worrying about this. Now let's look at another list. Ask yourself, can I change anything? And if the answer is no, then stop worrying about something that has nothing to do with you.

Tip 1: work with your inner world

What distinguishes a stress-resistant person from an unshakable one? You will be surprised, but only total control over yourself, over your emotions. Just imagine that they control themselves all their lives. This may seem incredible, but it is true.

An unshakable person sees what is happening to him. He feels how events and circumstances affect his inner world, so he decided to learn how to manage stress.

So the next time you feel helpless in a situation, look at it from the outside. And ask yourself: can you change or influence these circumstances, even a little, to change them for the better?

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Childhood trauma

Don't lose sight of the conditions and circumstances of your childhood. The cause of most of your problems lies there. Increased susceptibility to stress is an echo of too low self-esteem, which was formed at an early age.

When figuring out how not to worry about anything, try to understand that every person has the right to make mistakes. No one will reproach you or punish you for doing something wrong. Let go of the experiences of childhood and live now as an adult, accomplished person.

The cause of stress is within a person

From this we can conclude that the cause of stress is not a situation or event, but something that is hidden inside a person! And many scientists agree with our conclusions.

For example, American specialists J. S. Everly and Robert Rosenfeld published the book “Stress: Nature and Treatment” in 1985. Its main idea is that not all events and phenomena (external or internal) become stressors, that is, they perform a stress-generating function. If the stimulus is not interpreted by a particular person as a threat or something that has a negative consequence, then the stress reaction does not occur at all! Thus, most of the stress reactions people experience are actually self-created, according to Everly and Rosenfeld! I specifically highlighted the word interpreted, for which in Russian there is a good synonym interpreted.

Long before Everly and Rosenfeld, in 1966, American psychiatrist Richard Lazarus published the book Psychological Stress and Coping Process, which conveys the opinion that the occurrence of psychological stress and its intensity depend on the personal characteristics of a particular individual. This approach is called Lazarus' cognitive theory of stress. A very bright and helpful theory, which for some reason is almost never used by psychotherapists...

And since we now know that people experience states of different intensity and sign during the same events and situations, it is important to find an answer to the question of what is the difference between these people. By answering this question, we can try to change within ourselves what is the true cause of stress, automatically receiving as a result a resource that was previously spent on negative states.

Live without looking back

In order not to look for unnecessary pitfalls and not worry about anything at all, learn to live for today. Remember that our past is far behind us, those events will never touch us again. It is very important to realize the abstractness of those times and stop clinging to them.

The same advice applies to the future. The situation you imagine may never happen. You won't know until you try something. But if you constantly fear failure, failure and condemnation, you will never be able to happily exist in the present. What surrounds you every day is your life.

All in your hands

Let me give you an example: your colleague has the keys to the office, but he is always 10-15 minutes late. During this time, several clients cannot get through by phone, so they complain to their superiors. You start to get stressed, resenting your colleague. But realize that in this situation you have the opportunity to fix everything. How? Take a duplicate key, warn your boss about being late, give an ultimatum to a colleague, give clients a personal mobile number.

If you take stressful situations for granted and do not learn to solve them, then soon negative thoughts will consume you and begin to interfere with your life. Just imagine how you wake up in the morning with some worries, then go to work, make mistakes due to inattention, receive a reprimand from the director, lose your bonus, and then go home. All this grows like a snowball, and from a cheerful person you turn into apathetic, depressed and gloomy.

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No need to feel sorry for yourself

Quite a lot of people, at the first signs of fatigue, give up and begin to complain about their problems with all their might. This behavior results in despondency and uncertainty consuming you entirely. Self-compassion is the body's response to any effort. Under no circumstances should you allow self-pity to manifest itself in any way.

You need to firmly believe that you will cope with all the tasks and questions that arise. It is worth forcing yourself not to be distracted by momentary impulses. Believe me, as soon as you divert your attention from the irritant, it almost immediately ceases to have any effect on you.

Self-analysis training

If a stressful factor occurs and it is impossible to avoid its influence, you need to accept it as part of life, try to understand it and use it for your own benefit. For example, learn something new, let go of what cannot be held, correct your own shortcomings, or treat others with understanding.

Any stressful situation shows where the mistake is, where there is a lack of knowledge, and where skill or experience is, reveals the most vulnerable and weak points. And in this regard, there is no need to sprinkle ashes on your head, feel sorry for yourself and cry, but think about everything, analyze and begin to improve.

Don't invent problems

Many people tend to inflate a simple obstacle into a whole pile of insurmountable problems. As a result, they seek advice and help even for the simplest decisions. The development of self-esteem and independence suffers from this. Such people do not know how to set goals or go towards them. Inert and passive, for them life becomes dull and dull.

There is no need to try to find additional pitfalls in any situation. Excessive thinking leads to the fact that the brain begins to give you the most negative scenario for the development of the situation. As a result, you accept it as reality and are already set up for failure.

Training in planning, tactics and strategy

A stressful situation always seems confusing and insoluble at first, but after rethinking, a way out is found, unless one goes deeper into suffering. Very often, troubles are the consequences of impulsive, thoughtless or emotional actions. And stress acts as a kind of brake, it makes you stop, think, and understand what the mistake is. And also the fact that only a plan, taking into account general circumstances (strategy) and the sequence of actions (tactics), gives the highest probability of victory. Remember that only a well-organized business is successful.

How to get out of a stressful situation

With severe stress, it seems that this state can consume you for a long time. Believe me, this is absolutely not true. There are several simple techniques to get rid of the unpleasant influence of irritants.

Turn your thoughts into a positive direction. The cause of your stress needs to be presented in a funny, even ridiculous way.
Take a break for 5 minutes. Move away from the voltage source for a short time. This will give you the opportunity to calmly breathe and pull yourself together.
Don't raise your voice. No matter how much you want to scream, when you find yourself in a stressful situation, remain calm. You can scream and let off steam later, alone with yourself.
Promise yourself a reward for endurance and patience. Waiting for a quick treat or something new will put you in a calmer and more peaceful mood.

How to get rid of emotional overload

No matter how hard a person tries to maintain equanimity and calm, sooner or later the moment comes when emotions are ready to burst out like an explosion. It is simply impossible to always control yourself and the situation. Therefore, it is important to learn to restrain yourself and regain your balance.

Quite simple actions can help you stay calm.

One or more deep breaths in and out.
Massage of hands and neck.
Fresh air.

Deep breathing helps bring order to the state not only in case of anger, but also in many others. Having cooled your ardor slightly, you can focus on analyzing the situation and finding solutions to existing problems.

Massage movements in the areas of the neck and hands help a person relieve excess tension and regain the ability to think clearly and see the situation clearly. When performing such a light soothing massage, you need to massage two points on the neck, which are located on opposite sides of the spine. On the hands, massage the entire palm and each finger separately from the rest.

Fresh air is equally effective in helping to calm down. If it is not possible to go outside at your workplace, it will be enough to stay near an open window for some time. Psychologists also recommend leaving the room where the irritating factor is located for a short period of time.

Day of rest

Do you have plenty of days off, but still feel tired and overwhelmed? This means you don’t know how to completely relax and let go of all problems. Give yourself a day of rest by following a few simple conditions.

Change your usual weekend routine. At work, take the whole day off during the week, send your children to relatives or hire a nanny. Changes should also affect the style of relaxation. If you are used to spending weekends at home, go out of town. On the contrary, it will be useful for avid travelers to stay at home.
Wake up not by an alarm clock, but when you want. After waking up, take a relaxing bath.
Find some nice company for your morning coffee or tea. Remember, moments like these help you deal well with stress.
Treat yourself to delicious food. You can either order it or cook it yourself.

Tip 2: Stop worrying!

Most people, when faced with a difficult situation in life or work, begin to worry. 95% of their thoughts revolve around problems, often fictitious. And the more often they remember this situation, the worse it becomes for them. Negative thoughts reduce quality of life and productivity.

Psychologists call this negative bias. Very resilient people challenge this bias by living by the principle of “surprised, but not worried” when bad things happen. Yes, they may pause for a moment, take a step back, or even become curious. But they never allow negative thoughts to influence their emotions and behavior!

Changing the daily routine

How can you not worry about anything all day long? It’s very simple, add a few pleasant moments to your usual schedule. This will help you get distracted and get a good dose of positive emotions. They will help you cope with almost any stress.

Breakfast should be delicious. Yogurt, natural, chocolate with tea, oatmeal with honey and dried fruits - it doesn’t matter what you start your day with, the main thing is that it brings you a feeling of happiness.
Don't skip exercise, it gives you vigor and strength to withstand stress all day.
Learn to distract yourself from unpleasant situations. At such moments, think about what brings you peace.
In particularly difficult situations, look at the flowing water. Is there a river nearby? No problem, just a water tap is enough.
Write down your concerns on paper. Then just tear it up and throw it away. Imagine throwing away your problems along with the scraps.

Why do people react differently to the same stressful situation?

In order to answer this question, I propose to introduce another model, according to which a person’s life is a journey, and the person himself is a traveler.

This traveler is each of us. We go through life, choosing a goal and moving towards it. The goal may be hundreds or thousands of kilometers away, but we are still trying to go our way, overcoming all obstacles, and get what we want.

Tell me, how exactly does a human traveler know that somewhere there is something that he can achieve?

Suppose a person wants to go to Brazil for a carnival, but at the same time he lives in a town forgotten by everyone. None of his friends had ever been to Brazil. He himself had never been there either. How does he know about the existence of Brazil? The answer is quite simple: he watched the carnival on TV, read a book about this country or saw it on the map.

So, society tells us about possible goals, we receive certain knowledge about the world from society. From parents, school teachers, friends, directors, writers, bloggers and so on. And this knowledge about the world, within the framework of the model we are talking about, will be called the word map.

That is, a person is a traveler exploring the real world. But in his head he has a map where this world is depicted. A map is an idea of the world in which each of us moves and lives, or, if you like, a worldview (view of the world) given to us by the society that surrounds us.

Not all of the information on the map was created by us ourselves. Most of it has not been personally verified by us. But often we believe in it as an inviolable dogma, because we are used to thinking so. Because in childhood we were told something by people whom we trusted 100 percent - our emotional authorities (moms and dads and other loved ones).

So, on maps we mark our goals and plot routes. And we travel (live) in the real world. And now, attention, we are exploring the question: what is so different on the cards that people, finding themselves in the same life situation, react to it differently?

Living stress-free is easy

We can't help but worry about the people who are close enough to us. But we can learn not to lead these worries to full-blown stress and nervous breakdowns. Living without the destructive influence of negativity is very simple, you just need to follow a few pleasant rules for this.

Take daily walks in the fresh air, this will give you the opportunity to relax, the main thing is to let only pleasant thoughts come to you.
Try any sport. This will strengthen your body and increase self-esteem.
Be sure to give yourself a good rest. Even if the schedule is too busy, there should be room for respite.

I'm surprised, but not worried

This practice enables a basic skill of resilience, which is called “cognitive agility.” It is she who “kicks” a person in the right direction.

Cognitive agility is both an art and a science. If you know how to control your mind, then you can choose in which direction to think. If you want, you can worry, but if you want, you will work, even if the world is collapsing behind you.

The next time you feel anxious, approach your thoughts with deep curiosity and try to explain them. Understand, are experiences and negativity really worth constantly thinking about?

Specialist help

If you understand that conventional methods do not help you, and you cannot help but worry about problems more than necessary, trust a psychologist. In this way, you will not only learn to control your emotions, but also part with a number of serious problems from the past that can ruin the future.

It is also worth checking the health of the endocrine system and the thyroid gland in general. A hormonal imbalance negatively affects the body's resistance to stress.

In addition, it is easy to check the level of protection of the body through DNA research. It will show how the main “conductors” of our emotional state - serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine - work, and you will find out how susceptible your body is to stress and vulnerable to external stimuli, and most importantly, you will understand what to do about it.

Types of reactions to stressful situations

There are several types of reactions to stressful situations:

aggressiveness, fits of anger;
causeless irritability;
panic attacks;
sleep problems;
touchiness, tearfulness, self-pity.

Stressors trigger a range of emotional and physical responses in the body. Long-term experiences have a detrimental effect on human health; they turn into depression, apathy, and neurosis. A safe way out of stress is to show emotions, but some situations require the intervention of a specialist.

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Anika Snagovskaya

Author and presenter of women's trainings on harmonizing feminine energy. Master of removing limiting beliefs and master of constellations.

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The accumulation of negative experiences manifests itself on the physical level:

headache;
fatigue;
chest pain;
dry mouth;
problems with the gastrointestinal tract;
increased or decreased appetite;
nervous tics, stuttering.

When external manifestations of stress dissipate, then all physical indicators return to a stable level. And with prolonged exposure, they develop into chronic conditions and form diseases.

Stress teaches you to understand people and find the right connections

Even strong people find it difficult to cope with stress on their own; they have to seek support, advice, and help. But not everyone can give them, only those who are confident in themselves, have achieved success and can cope with difficulties themselves. Admitting your mistakes, incompetence or inability, asking for help is a reason to want to help and support. This is how useful and necessary people appear in life. And in addition, communication in them acts as psychotherapy, eliminating the likelihood of emotional burnout.