Women are naturally cunning creatures, and they often use hidden manipulative techniques . Yielding to manipulation, a man becomes attached to a woman, dependent on her, and shackled by psychological barriers.
But a more clear analogy can be given: female manipulation, like suppression in psychology, is a kind of game with elements of struggle.
Whoever is able to repel the attacks of his partner leads. The winner receives unspoken privileges. His word becomes decisive in the overall equal choice. A man who loses rounds in a mental duel shows his weakness and automatically becomes henpecked.
But these are lyrics.
It is a fact that women use manipulation. Some consciously strive to learn how to suppress a person, and study various techniques for this. Others do it subconsciously, but still.
A man should at least be aware of them. Forewarned is forearmed. And, best of all, is to be able to counteract female manipulation.
Why do women manipulate men?
It is important to understand that not every girl is fully aware of her motives. To do this you need to have a handful of cynicism and a couple more pinches of selfishness.
But, by nature, many women have a desire to “tame” a man. And such an ambition has a very good reason. A depressed man has no power over the relationship. This means that he will not be able to put forward sharp ultimatums like “Either you stop your nightly walks with your girlfriends, or we are breaking up,” or simply break off the relationship. After all, a woman does not want to be abandoned. A woman wants to manage relationships herself, to act solely at her own discretion. And break off the relationship if she wants it, or if it becomes profitable (a more successful couple turns up).
Now let's move on to the main thing - what tools can be used against a man.
Why you shouldn't tolerate humiliation from a girl
A man by nature is a leader. And the caustic attacks of a toxic person, the deliberate belittlement of dignity, suppresses the personality and reduces self-esteem. A guy who is humiliated by a girl in a relationship loses the integrity of his nature. His life guidelines are blurred, which negatively affects success in all areas.
The more often a friend resorts to humiliating her partner, the faster his guilt and inferiority complex grows. The feeling of happiness goes away, and the time comes for depression and dissatisfaction with the whole world.
Continuing to endure insults, you doom yourself to loneliness. After all, with the help of gaslighting, a woman, albeit unconsciously, gets you to admit her worthlessness. Which gives her an internal reason to look for a more worthy candidate, capable of “masculine” actions. And he will leave you, like a victim tormented by insults, without regret.
Fear
The ideal suppression of a person should be targeted. The woman who hits the target most accurately is the one who knows exactly what she wants and how to achieve it. To do this, you need to know your man well, and know which pain points to press with fear.
The simplest thing is the fear of losing your loved one.
If a woman hints through her behavior that she is not satisfied with the relationship and is thinking about leaving it, this will become a very strong motivator for most men.
This borders on blackmail, but blackmail is too direct and therefore ineffective. A man, in the case of open blackmail, will resist such impudence and will not specifically do what the girl wants.
Manipulation of fear works more gracefully: the man himself must draw the conclusions the woman needs. He himself must understand that he is about to lose the most precious thing he has - his woman.
How to resist manipulation ? We need to respond in kind.
A man must show that he values his partner no more than the woman values him (even if this is not the case). Is the girl secretly threatening to break off the relationship if she doesn’t receive expensive gifts?
In response to this, you need to show that he does not want to build a relationship with a materialistic girl. It's likely that you're both bluffing.
But the map is covered. This psychological battle is a draw. We are not talking now about resolving the conflict itself - it can be resolved later and a compromise can be found. Now the main thing is not to cave in and show the girl that the manipulation “doesn’t work.”
Compares with other men.
Comparison with others is always offensive for any person. And doubly so for men. Admit it, you also had situations when, in the heat of resentment, you told your husband, for example, that “Tanya’s husband brings more money.” But for some reason you forget to mention that Tanka’s husband is rarely at home and almost never sees the children. And Tanka herself has long been treated like beautiful furniture.
Such a statement hits a man’s self-esteem hard. If he is weak by nature, then most likely he will give up, and he will generally stop striving for anything and doing something for the family. But if your husband is a strong person, then he will first try to prove to you that he is worth something. But if he hears a derogatory comparison addressed to himself again, he may simply slam the door and forget about your existence.
Guilt
By causing a feeling of guilt, a woman receives a number of bonuses.
Firstly , the man will ask for forgiveness.
Secondly , he will think that only he is to blame for conflicts (and behind this, thoughts may involuntarily creep in that he does not deserve such a good girl, that he should kiss her feet and be grateful to fate that she tolerates his behavior).
Conflict does not arise out of the blue. In most cases, both are to blame. If a girl is trying to make you feel guilty, think about whether her accusations have any basis? If they do, then apologize, but at the same time, be sure to point out her mistakes. She's not an angel either, right?
Is it necessary to forgive
First you need to decide what you want. If you want to save the relationship at all costs, then you need to forgive and move on. But it is important to understand that, most likely, insults and humiliations will continue.
If your goal is not just to keep a man, “if only he was,” but you want a close, respectful relationship, where you both care about each other, show tenderness and warmth, then simple forgiveness will not help with this.
On the contrary, it will only show a man that he can treat you badly. Don't take on the role of a victim who forgives out of pity or weakness. Forgiveness must be conscious. And it depends on the situation in which you were insulted.
If this was an isolated incident
Let's say a man said something unpleasant during a family conflict and insulted you. Of course, you shouldn’t forgive him “just like that.” He must seek his forgiveness. But not with gifts or promises, but with the fact that:
- shows his sincere regret about this;
- he felt guilty about what happened;
- he realizes that he did wrong and apologizes;
- he shows by his behavior that this will not happen again;
- he doesn’t accuse you of “making mountains out of molehills.”
But if he believes that nothing “like that” happened and does not understand what the problem is, then in a calm atmosphere, with the help of “I-messages”, convey to him your feelings and experiences. He must understand what you were like.
If he doesn’t understand or refuses to understand, abdicating any responsibility, then why should you forgive him? Moreover, there is a high probability that the situation will repeat itself, because he does not admit that there is a problem.
If this happens all the time
If insults and humiliation from a man have already become the norm in your relationship, then you need to refuse any forgiveness at all. Every time you find excuses for such behavior and put up with it, you only reinforce it.
It is better to focus your attention and energy on:
- why did you end up in such a relationship?
- when did all this start?
- why do you allow your personal boundaries to be violated?
- What will be the prospects for your further communication?
In such a situation, you cannot blame yourself, the circumstances or the man’s parents who “broke his life.” Finding someone to blame will lead nowhere.
Give up the habit of making excuses for your man, for example: “he’s having a bad day today,” “I really did it wrong,” “he just drank too much.”
You can’t constantly threaten divorce, but at the same time not carry out your threat - in this case, the man will understand that you are bluffing and will not go anywhere, no matter how he treats you.
Give up the excuse that you are staying with him for the sake of the children. Nothing traumatizes a child’s psyche more than an abusive father from whom a mother suffers.
The main thing is not to ignore the problem, in the hope that everything will change on its own. If you want to build a good relationship, then forgiving a man for insults will not help.
Resentment
A woman’s resentment is a very powerful manipulation. But it is also quite possible to resist it.
Just act natural. Do not react in any way for the first few days (if the offense is serious).
After maintaining an interval, offer to make peace. But do it with dignity.
Do not beg for forgiveness and do not make big concessions - this will mean that you fell for manipulation and, in fact, lost.
Constantly try to find out what exactly the woman was offended by. If she doesn’t say anything definite (which is most often the case), calmly ignore the offense and invite the girl to stop doing nonsense and make peace.
Family
Psychologists say that children always repeat the fate of their parents. And why all? From the point of view of this science, this phenomenon is explained quite simply. The father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, said that all problems come from childhood, because the child, being a being who does not know how to separate what is necessary for himself from what is unnecessary, accepts what he sees. Who does he see most often? Of course, parents. Moreover, for the little man, they are the only authority. Therefore, no matter what actions they perform, the child at a subconscious level will consider them the only correct ones, and when a similar situation occurs in adult life, at the level of worldview the person will act in the same way as his parents once did in it. This also applies to family relationships. “Why do men humiliate women?” - many people ask. Perhaps their fathers treated their wives poorly.
Weak
On “weak”, they usually offer to perform the action that benefits the woman the most. “You're already smoking more than a pack a day. You yourself understand how expensive it is. Don’t have the willpower to quit?”
Here the woman persuades her to make a concession.
You can't just do this. Smoking is truly a bad habit. Even if you were going to quit, you can’t do that here and now.
By making such a concession, you will lose the round and move one step closer to henpecked status.
Is a woman trying to take you weakly? Make a counter challenge.
For example, “Okay, let’s do this: I quit smoking, and you watch less TV series and devote more time to learning English. Is it coming?
"Tell about her".
Ask yourself honestly and frankly why you need this information. Of course, you can know some details.
For example, her name, and how long they were together, but you shouldn’t go into details.
Inappropriate and too persistent questions can put your man in an awkward situation.
There are ladies for whom it is very important to know all the information about her lover’s exes.
And as soon as they achieve their goal, they immediately begin to compare themselves with these girls and look for shortcomings in themselves. Therefore, it is better not to do this.
Masculinity
The same stereotype is used for another manipulation - manipulation on the image of a real man.
“You are so strong, you are so good at this and that. Maybe you can help me?
Again, it is important to understand when a request is justified, and when a woman is taking advantage of the situation and trying to take advantage of you. If words about your masculinity are followed by an offer to take her for a manicure, refuse with a laugh.
But, for example, replacing a punctured tire on her car is not a sin, it is truly a manifestation of masculinity.
Reproaches for low income
Ladies often reproach their partners because of low salaries. It seems that if men hear reproaches, they will be able to change something. But, speaking soberly and honestly, are all men capable of making good money? Even for a good specialist, finding a job with decent pay is not so easy.
For any man, his career and his financial situation come first. However, not everyone is able to change something. And constant reproaches only offend the man, and he begins to feel helpless.
Call of Duty
You must! A man can be accused of ingratitude if he does not fulfill a number of conditions.
The girl will try to convince you that you are obligated to do this by default. “We have been together for almost three years. We should get married."
“Why don’t you give me gifts for no reason”? There may be a great many options, but the meaning is the same - a man does not do what he should. Of course it should, from a woman’s point of view.
Countering this manipulation is extremely simple. If you don’t consider yourself obligated, just say so. Be sure to justify the reason. And don't feel any guilt.
A fair amount of cynicism and selfishness in relationships helps to counteract female manipulation and makes relationships stronger.
Clarifies relationships in front of strangers.
In itself, a showdown in front of strangers is an unpleasant picture. Who wants everyone to hear what complaints are being made against you? And for a man, the situation of a quarrel in the presence of relatives or friends is especially humiliating. And here it does not matter how justified these claims are. What humiliates a man is the awkward position in which he finds himself thanks to a woman.
Therefore, if you don’t have the patience to leave the showdown for later, take your man aside and tell him everything that’s boiling over.
Low self-esteem
In order to better understand, it is worth delving into history. Who were the first rulers? Were there women among them? Rurik, Oleg, Igor. Next is Olga. Her reign was completely random, strange, unjustified, with only one goal - retribution. It is worth noting that after Olga, Elena Glinskaya managed to reach state power, but again after 6 centuries and only in the person of the regent under Ivan the Fourth. Then palace coups, again just accidents. The rest of the time, only men ruled the state. What about the veche? Remember, only representatives of the stronger sex could be present there. This natural desire of men to be always ahead, to be in charge is transmitted to them by blood. Therefore, when men realize that they didn’t take something from life, missed something, didn’t achieve something, their self-esteem immediately drops. But you can’t just admit it, you need to try to prove the opposite to the weaker (in this case they are women). And how to do it? Of course, try to show your superiority by humiliating and insulting a woman. After all, not all male representatives know how to feel this line. This criterion should answer the question of why men humiliate women.
How can you morally humiliate a person?
Most often, moral humiliation and psychological attack occur in a married couple. When the relationship has reached a certain point, the husband and wife constantly try to humiliate and offend as painfully as possible. If partners humiliate each other every now and then, they thereby increase their self-esteem. Here the problem lies in internal complexes, mental trauma received in childhood, self-doubt, and selfishness. By insulting a partner, a person feels his inner strength. But this only indicates the failure and weakness of the offending person.
This applies not only to family people, but also to others who have relatives and friends. The most offensive thing is when loved ones reach the point of insulting, unreasonable humiliation. It is easy to offend a person if you know all his shortcomings.
Moral humiliation of a person
Humiliation is when a person’s self-esteem in the eyes of other people drops. This happens for several reasons: for the purposes of educational work or for self-affirmation of the one who insults. In any case, the person experiences psychological trauma and nervous shock. Everyone who has experienced humiliation in their life will henceforth subconsciously try to avoid such an attitude towards themselves. This will be an excellent lesson for those who have high levels of egoism and self-esteem and who do not accept the opinions of other people.
How to answer beautifully and culturally
You can get away from a more serious conflict that may arise due to the initial insult by learning to fight back gracefully.
It is important to be able to respond culturally to unpleasant statements, hints, and words of another person.
You can use smart statements and phrases, but only if your opponent is in the same social category as you.
Otherwise, the offender may react aggressively, feeling that he is being made to look like a fool.
It’s smart to answer the offender so that he shuts up:
- Sorry, is that all you wanted to say, or do you have a few more “witty” sayings up your sleeve?
- I had a more pleasant impression of you than I do now.
- Rudeness doesn't suit you. If you want to stand out from others, then read several books.
- Do you want to hear a polite response to your statements or the truth about yourself?
- Why are you trying to look worse and more ill-mannered than you really are?
- It seems to me that you are just having a bad day today, so you are trying to throw out all the negativity on those around you. Don't be upset - tomorrow will be better than yesterday.
- Do you want to offend me by highlighting your bad manners? Not the best option!
- You don't have to talk to me so rudely. I didn't mean to attack you with my fists.
In the case when you try to call the offender an ugly word, the quarrel will definitely drag on and may lead to a fight.
The reasons leading to a protracted conflict are immediately eliminated after a cultural showdown.
Source: LadyVapm.com
How to put in place the offender who insults
There are unpleasant situations in life in which it is quite difficult to calm the offender.
To “revenge” your opponent with words efficiently and correctly, you can take into account several points that will affect the bully.
The answer to the offender should contain maximum information that characterizes the personality and way of life from the inactive side.
It is enough to identify a person’s weaknesses. Using psychological tricks, you can easily cope with the situation, leaving “victory” behind you.
Put in place the person who insults:
Example 3
In psychology, this example refers to the Theory of Social Consciousness. American psychologists conducted an interesting experiment, during which every person in the room saw the same monitor screen (there were 50 people). The screen was black. Forty-nine out of fifty people were told that the screen was black, but asked that the audience tell them otherwise. So, when all 49 people said that the screen was white, the last one did not doubt it for a second, although he observed the opposite with his own eyes. This example can be easily transferred to gender psychology and understand why a man humiliates and insults a woman (psychology).
Example 2
Married couple. The husband always earned more than his wife and provided for the whole family, but suddenly the unexpected happened - he lost his job. The wife was not taken aback, she remembered that she was good at baking cakes, took out a loan and opened her own business. In just six months, her business went uphill, a client base appeared, the loan was repaid, but her husband was dissatisfied. Why? It would seem that you have everything, live and be happy. But no, he writes negative reviews to her website, orders cakes for which he does not pay, scolds her for spending a lot of time at work, not realizing that his wife is the only one who earns money in the family. You can understand a man, he just cannot admit on a psychological level that his wife is ahead of him. But in this case, when it simply could not have happened otherwise, why does the man humiliate the woman? Psychology of consciousness of any person. The answer is simple.
