Plan: - How to survive difficulties in life: 5 stages. — How to learn to take difficulties lightly. — 5 tips on how to cope with life’s difficulties and pain. - Video.
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1) Denial. This is the very moment when we do not want to live with our misfortune, we are afraid of tomorrow and accepting the obvious. Usually at this moment we have to enter into a completely different reality, not similar to the one that existed before. We do not recognize the existence of an insoluble (or very difficult to resolve) contradiction. This period lasts from a couple of minutes to several years. Realizing that trouble has happened and will one day make itself felt (or has already made itself felt), we live oppressed by constant fear and depression. What's important here? First of all, don’t bury your head in the sand. In addition, we should not confuse real trouble with a bunch of troubles or fears that our rich imagination throws at us. If trouble happens, it is not minor and sits in our soul as a huge thorn. If the trouble happened suddenly, but it is fixable, it is important to start solving the problem not immediately, when you are still in a state of shock, but at least a day later, when you spent the night with trouble.
2) Compensation and recognition of what happened. During this period, we ask for help and don’t understand how to continue living, we don’t want to think about the future and try to somehow distract ourselves. Having admitted grief, we experience very strong stress. At this time, everything is seething in us, but we are not capable of any action, since both the processes of excitation and inhibition are working in the body at the same time. Not every organism can withstand this, and the subconscious gets to work, looking for a way out, for example, drawing our attention to another area where there are no difficulties. The way out for negativity is in some conversations, chores, or just a walk. The subconscious thus displaces all the thoughts and questions that torment us. Here it is important to allow the subconscious to work, that is, to distract from the past: know that neurosis does not arise because of a difficult period in life, but because we overwhelm ourselves. But do not be distracted by artificial and strong irritants, that is, alcohol or drugs. In this case you will again get a vicious circle
3) Aggression. What happens during this period? Trouble still sits like a thorn in our souls and controls us. And then we notice that everything is bad with us, but everyone around us is as before. This is where aggression is born. A person can direct it at himself, perceiving trouble as his own fault and becoming convinced of his own inferiority. This is how self-confidence is undermined. If self-esteem is high, a person lashes out at those around him, trying to lower their level of existence and make it worse for those who are doing well. The main thing is not to get stuck here. Analyze what happened, change yourself, whatever, just don’t get stuck in your aggression.
4) Reliving. We begin to relive our misfortune, talk about it and share it with loved ones (or not so much. This is already recovery, and by reliving and telling, we make the grief less significant. If we talk about our misfortune several times, it no longer seems terrible. We also These moments we relieve ourselves of imaginary (or real) guilt for what happened.But you shouldn’t get stuck and put pressure on pity, otherwise you will turn into an energy vampire.
5) New birth. We learn to live with our misfortune on our own. Our task is to turn our thorn into a new part of ourselves. Here you can say a lot of cliches about the fact that what does not kill us, and about the fact that we have become stronger after a difficult period. No, this is now for life and you build it without trouble. It’s just that the entire difficult period in life can be perceived as rebirth.
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Find someone to share your experiences with
Many people, in difficult times, feel the desire to “hide in a hole”: sit at home, try to solve problems alone, communicate minimally with others and not tell anyone about their troubles.
This is a natural reaction. Firstly, there is a component of denial in it: as long as I don’t tell anyone about unpleasant events, it’s as if they never happened. Secondly, of course, not all people in a crisis situation are useful (more on this in the next paragraph). Thirdly, communication requires strength, and in a crisis this is very limited. Still, sharing difficulties with those who support us is very important. This reduces stress levels, makes us feel like we are not alone and ultimately helps us cope with a difficult period. Try to tell at least a few close people about your difficulties, who are usually not inclined to criticize others and make harsh judgments. It may be worth warning them that you are experiencing difficulties, find it difficult to talk about them and are looking for support.
If there are no good friends left in your circle right now, your relatives are not ready to support you (and this happens), think about slightly more distant acquaintances. It is important to get human support and to be listened to. In extreme cases, the Internet can come to the rescue: closed groups, acquaintances who have had similar troubles, or thematic forums. Just before you talk about your difficulties in any community, make sure that the rules of environmentally friendly communication have been adopted there: participants support each other, there is no victim blaming, no one is bullied or ridiculed, and no ratings are given. Otherwise, you risk getting new wounds on top of old ones.
Keep calm
A light perception of life and optimism help not only to “relax and not worry,” but also to quickly cope with troubles. The advice is simple - you need to take an easier approach to unpleasant events on the path that leads to happiness. Of course, it's easy to say, but hard to do, you say. And you and I completely... disagree. This is only at first glance difficult or impossible. Let's think about it.
Whenever something bad happens to you, what do you do? You get upset, panic, start to worry, and thereby escalate the situation even more. And you just need to relax, take a breath and start thinking about where the way out is. Remember, you definitely have a friend who will say: “Relax, everything will be OK.” And, you know, everything will be exactly like that for him. Why? Yes, because he let go of the situation and got busy with something that would bring results that would cover up all the negativity that had fallen. And at this time you, like a fish on ice, will fight in panic and only aggravate the situation, which in fact may not be so critical. Therefore, here is our advice for you: when it seems that the situation is out of control, remember the words of King Solomon: “Everything will pass, and this too will pass.” Think about it, do you really need to be nervous?
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Avoid people who make blanket recommendations
This point primarily concerns those whose difficult situations can (or seem to be possible) to be influenced. Those who break up with a partner or whose relationship is in crisis, those who emigrated or chose to stay, those who experience difficulties at work and are dissatisfied with it, and so on. At such a moment, many of us begin to be given advice: “Stay at your old job, you will always have time to leave”, “Go to interviews after hours”, “Leave the country”, “Stay”, “Try to improve the relationship”, “Don’t let her more chances, it won’t end well”... However, even those whose difficult situation cannot be influenced in any way (for example, a loved one has died), they also manage to give recommendations: “Get distracted by something”, “Cry less”, “How to We can distribute things as soon as possible.”
Categorical recommendations and persistent advice during periods of hesitation are clearly evil. Although, it would seem, why not listen to them, especially if they are given by a person who is authoritative for you, successful in this particular area - successful in work, happy in relationships, and so on? But, firstly, someone else’s experience and someone else’s choice may not suit you. You don’t know, and perhaps you will never know, at what exact cost a colleague managed to save his marriage, what a friend lost who moved to another continent, and how successful a friend’s decision was to become a programmer, giving up translations from a foreign language. A person sometimes defends a decision that he himself made, not at all because it was so successful, but in order to prove to himself and others that his choice was the right one. And even if he really thinks this particular choice is good, it’s not a fact that your values coincide.
But the most important thing is that the more you doubt, the more you need people who do not give any advice at all. Because what you need now is not someone’s guidance, but unconditional acceptance as an individual. Regardless of the decision you make, you need people around you who will consider you good or good, dear and valuable unconditionally, regardless of what happens to you and around you. And the necessary solution in such conditions will sooner or later mature on its own.
Look at yourself from the outside
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An effective way to calm down is to look at yourself from the outside. It’s not for nothing that they say: all life is a theater, and all the people in it are actors. Try to imagine that you are playing a role and the audience is watching you. Who do they see on stage, a loser who gave up at the first possible opportunity or a fighter who strives for results? What situation did the hero actually find himself in - irreversible or temporary? This way you can assess the current difficult situation.
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Try not to make “sudden movements”
Having experienced severe stress, we sometimes experience an overwhelming desire to do something to correct the situation. This is a natural reaction of the psyche. Usually we try to do this in two ways: either to return at least some certainty to the situation - or, on the contrary, to escape from it into some brave new world (“I’ll leave and start a new life in a new place”).
Usually, the consequences of rash decisions and the stress from them end up being worse than what you initially experienced. Therefore, if you left your job and are looking for a new one, do not agree to the first offer without going to several more interviews. Avoid panicking and deciding to immediately return to your old job if there are no responses to your resume in the first week. If you break up with your partner, resist the desire to return everything after the first attack of acute melancholy and do not rush to immediately start a new relationship. Having experienced a bereavement, or having learned about an illness (yours or a loved one), think for at least a month or two before radically changing your life: moving, changing your occupation, etc. Such an attempt to escape from a difficult situation and difficult feelings will be unproductive.
What to do instead? It can be very useful to record feelings on paper or give them space in some other way: play sad songs that you associate with your situation, draw, dance. It is not necessary to plunge into melancholy, fear or grief “to the fullest”; it is enough to give your difficult feelings space and a short time - at least half an hour, at least fifteen minutes. It actually heals little by little and makes the situation bearable as opposed to trying to escape from it.
Photos: zakalinka – stock.adobe.com (1,
— How to learn to take difficulties lightly.
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The essence of a simple attitude to any problem is as follows:
1) Rest assured, this is a temporary phenomenon. Nothing lasts forever, including difficulties. It won't always be like this!
2) Everything that happens in a person’s life, he is able to overcome. Cultivate self-confidence in your abilities. Over time, it will become your unshakable quality;
3) If you feel bad, help someone whose situation is even worse. Then you will understand how happy you are;
4) You cannot involve different kinds of emotions when you are trying to solve a problem. It takes away energy and deprives you of strength. Learn to see only the essence of the problem, as well as ways to solve it. Determine your capabilities and gradually eliminate the consequences of the difficulties that arise.
5) Don't worry about future possible troubles. Anticipating possible difficulties, just be prepared to solve them. Do everything possible to prevent an unfavorable scenario from developing. Once you have done your job, be satisfied with your actions: it is impossible to predict everything. However, to a greater extent, you will be ready for any troubles and will easily cope with them;
6) Focus on the positive aspects of your life. Even when restoring a destroyed house, you can think not about your loss, but about the future new, even better house. Learn to enjoy life despite any adversity, be grateful for what you have. The feeling of well-being will not leave you if you learn to appreciate everything you have;
7) Be prepared for losses. This is an integral part of our life. While we lose something, we still gain something. You need to be able to see the positive, beneficial sides in any situation;
There is no use in being angry because difficulties have arisen. Just try to quickly cope with the situation, without wasting your strength, without complaining about fate. By mentally or out loud repeating your complaints, you attract more and more troubles;
9) Be active, work physically. Even a simple jog can remove heavy thoughts, making it easier to cope with a difficult situation;
10) Stop complaining and make efforts to overcome a difficult situation. Think, look for a way out, direct all the energy of your thoughts to find a solution and simply do the necessary work;
11) Having dealt with the problem, rejoice from the bottom of your heart! Capture a useful experience in your memory. Everything that does not kill us strengthens us. You have become stronger, more confident, wiser.
There are really difficult situations in life, deep grief, when we lose loved ones, ability to work, our health, property. Then use these tips:
1) Repeat to yourself: “I will overcome this!” Ask God for help. If you don't believe in God, ask the Universe for strength. These forces will come, rest assured! We attract what we think about. When you ask the world for strength, you will certainly receive it.
2) Ask your loved ones for help if you feel like you can’t cope with the situation. Often human participation fills the soul with new strength, relieves tension, and negative emotions go away;
3) Choose the right thoughts: those that create, not destroy. After the storm there will always be sunshine.
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Who can benefit from stress?
Those who suffer first are those who consider stress to be an inevitability associated solely with external circumstances. At first glance, this is so: in most such critical situations do not depend on the person himself and it is impossible to influence them. But in similar circumstances, some people experience stress, while others see it as simply an obstacle, a difficulty, and begin to look for ways to solve the problem. It all depends on the person himself: to accept the inevitable, to blame something or someone and suffer, or to figure it out and change his attitude towards the situation.
People who are accustomed to seeing only negative things in everything almost always suffer from stress..
Such thinking further aggravates the situation, making it insoluble and hopeless. This means there is no need to try to resolve it, to direct energy in a constructive direction instead of useless suffering.
Another category of people suffering from the consequences of stress are those who turn even a banal stressful situation (for example, the loss of something) into a global event, stressing themselves out even more. This also includes those who believe that troubles have a catastrophic effect on their health; any experience leads to terrible diseases and shortens their lives.
Tip #5: Life is not as long as it seems
It is always worth remembering that life is not as long as it seems to everyone at first glance. As a rule, many people constantly convince themselves that they have time and can do everything in their lives. Of course, not every person succeeds in realizing absolutely all their plans. Therefore, you need to learn to value your time and not waste it, so as not to regret later the meaninglessly passed moments in life. It is this attitude that will perfectly help you gather your thoughts, strength and overcome difficult times in your life.
Tip #14: Start valuing yourself and your time.
To survive in difficult times, you need to begin to value yourself and your time in order to constantly develop and improve. As a result, you can not only increase your own self-esteem, but also become a confident person. Thus, by learning to value yourself and your time, you will be able to achieve success in your life and overcome difficulties that come your way.
Tip #17: Start thinking positively
Start thinking positively and always try to get rid of negative thoughts to overcome the difficult period in your life. You shouldn’t constantly surround yourself with nothing but negativity. After all, if you constantly think about the bad, then gradually everything you think about will begin to happen to you in real life. That is why, always try to think positively to make your life much better.
Psychologists about life's difficulties
Many classics of psychology wrote about how to cope with problems and get through a life crisis. But the most famous work belongs to Viktor Frankl, it is called “Psychologist in a Concentration Camp.” His life itself is an overcoming; he survived in inhuman conditions. People died before his eyes, they were insulted and humiliated.
What helped Frankl survive? He followed his concept, the psychologist assures that in difficult conditions it is not those who have a healthy body who survive, but only those who have a strong spirit. His books and concept of perseverance have helped millions of people around the world find meaning in life.
How to deal with failures? Grow spiritually, don’t give up, look for the meaning of life and believe in the best.
Self-analysis training
If a stressful factor occurs and it is impossible to avoid its influence, you need to accept it as part of life, try to understand it and use it for your own benefit. For example, learn something new, let go of what cannot be held, correct your own shortcomings, or treat others with understanding.
Any stressful situation shows where the mistake is, where there is a lack of knowledge, and where skill or experience is, reveals the most vulnerable and weak points. And in this regard, there is no need to sprinkle ashes on your head, feel sorry for yourself and cry, but think about everything, analyze and begin to improve.
Look at life philosophically
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Almost all problems that seem global eventually become a reason to smile, but only if you abstract from them and do not carry them with you for many years. Trouble is a great motivator to change your life for the better.
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Overcoming obstacles, a person develops if he draws the right conclusions. Remember that sometimes it’s worth waiting it out so as not to make more mistakes. We are not saying that you should sit back and wait for everything to settle down. Just switch, step over and move on.
Remember that everything is in your hands. Create your life!
The main benefit is belief in good, positive thinking.
A depressed state, a gloomy defeatist mood, and lack of self-confidence are the main obstacles to success and a direct path to failure. Stress acts as a reminder that it’s time to switch to a different evaluation approach, to a different way of thinking. How to relate to what is happening - positively or negatively - is solely the choice of the individual. Optimistic people almost always win, since they use positive attitudes in solving the most difficult situations, while pessimists are doomed to failure in advance.
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As a result of all that has been said, I would like to wish everyone who is experiencing stress to find the strength to change their attitude from a negative to a constructive positive, not to indulge in suffering and self-flagellation, not to look for those to blame, but to do something, change and move on with the experience gained, not making mistakes again.
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Stress teaches you to understand people and find the right connections
Even strong people find it difficult to cope with stress on their own; they have to seek support, advice, and help. But not everyone can give them, only those who are confident in themselves, have achieved success and can cope with difficulties themselves. Admitting your mistakes, incompetence or inability, asking for help is a reason to want to help and support. This is how useful and necessary people appear in life. And in addition, communication in them acts as psychotherapy, eliminating the likelihood of emotional burnout.
Training in planning, tactics and strategy
A stressful situation always seems confusing and insoluble at first, but after rethinking, a way out is found, unless one goes deeper into suffering. Very often, troubles are the consequences of impulsive, thoughtless or emotional actions. And stress acts as a kind of brake, it makes you stop, think, and understand what the mistake is. And also the fact that only a plan, taking into account general circumstances (strategy) and the sequence of actions (tactics), gives the highest probability of victory. Remember that only a well-organized business is successful.
Benefits of Stress
But all the problems are only in the heads of the people themselves, and if desired, these disadvantages can be turned into advantages, and the negative experience gained can be transformed into a positive one.
Here are 10 tips from the famous American psychotherapist, clinical psychologist Sherry Cambell.
She is the author of the very popular books all over the world, “Love Yourself: The Art of Being Yourself”, “Formula for Success: The Path to Emotional Well-Being.”
