Loving a married woman: psychology of relationships, tips and tricks

In this article:

5 psychological signs of dissatisfaction in a married woman
Psychology of relationships between a married woman and a single man
Big mistake of a married woman
Recommendations from psychologists for a married woman

The psychology of a married woman differs from the psychology of a free woman. Constant relationships leave their mark and, in addition to joys, bring various difficulties. Sometimes it turns out that a married woman becomes disappointed in her companion and looks for a relationship on the side. It is possible that adultery has not yet taken place, but the woman is already ready to do it.

In such conditions, it is necessary to understand that the simplest path - to find another - is not always correct, and saving a relationship is more productive than ending it. In our article we will tell you what psychological mistakes a married woman makes, why she is attracted to single men, and how she can strengthen a shaky relationship.

Relevance of the issue

Since many people have thought about how to love a married woman at least once in their lives, a lot has been frankly said and written about this. If you look at modern forums, magazine and newspaper stories, it becomes clear that the problem is highly relevant. How many life stories are there when a man finds out that the lady he met, who struck him in the heart at first sight, turns out to be married!

True feelings do not depend on nationality. Social regalia and positions will not be an obstacle to them. Family status means just as little for emotions. However, it is worth admitting that falling in love with a married woman rarely brought real joy to anyone. Any person, having felt love, wants to experience reciprocal feelings and receive well-deserved happiness. If we are talking about a married lady, awareness of the immorality of such a relationship can destroy even a ghostly hope for a good outcome. The most difficult situation is in which there is another participant in the problem - the spouses’ common child.

How to choose a lover

So, if fighting with yourself is pointless, and the desire for love becomes obsessive, then a situation arises that a woman begins to look closely at men on the side. And here there is one main trump card: a married woman does not need a long-term serious relationship that develops into marriage. She wants romance and lightness. If just such a man appears nearby, then two angels appear around the fair sex, burdened with a family, each of whom will pull the mistress to his side. The good girl inside will sternly declare that cheating is evil. The bad girl will begin to talk about the desire for love, about the passing of youth and about something else that has firmly settled inside in the form of resentment and inadequacy.

Tempting a married woman doesn't look like sex. Don't confuse love and sex. In this case, these are completely different things. The desire for love does not paint pictures of the bedroom and passionate relationships. This is the desire for communication, romance, thoughts and dialogues. Simple conversations, walks together, small romantic dates, secret correspondence - all this gives birth to those same butterflies in the stomach. At the same time, it is difficult to say whether it is butterflies or adrenaline in the blood. Relationships on the side are always associated with an adrenaline rush.

See also: Which animals sleep for a long time? Record holders of the animal world for the duration of sleep

If the relationship on the side is not intended to destroy the marriage, then the choice of a lover should be taken extremely seriously. Popular wisdom says: only marriages can be casual, and lovers must be reliable. It's right. After all, a lover is entrusted with the most valuable thing a woman has - the safety of her family. And her own well-being depends on his decency. You need to preserve your reputation as a decent woman from dirty gossip.

Love and pain

The question of whether it is possible to love a married woman and what to do in such a situation generally comes down to solving the dilemma about the possibility of happiness for a person. Should we suffer? Perhaps in our society you cannot find a person for whom everything comes easy, especially in the aspect of romance, but for a man who has chosen the thorny path of love for someone else’s chosen one, the situation looks especially gloomy. You shouldn’t expect that everything you want will fall into your hands. There are simply no easy paths here. If the lady of the heart reciprocates, if the goals converge, the couple can jointly take measures to get out of the problematic situation.

The main signs of a man's love for a married woman

You are unlikely to be able to observe a situation where a stranger confesses his deep feelings to a married lady. A man's love for married women is usually carefully hidden. But his feigned calm can be revealed by the brilliance and intrigue of his gaze, by awkward flattering words off topic, by the fussiness of his movements.
A caring man, which is most noticeable on first dates, will constantly shift from foot to foot, twirl something in his hands, averting his eyes to the side and being afraid to look at his beloved. You shouldn’t make fun of him about this; give the guy time to calm down and come to his senses. Don’t make a man a weakling, since nature itself prescribes him to be strong.

What's the difficulty?

Any man is very jealous by nature, and this makes loving a married woman even more difficult. If someone from the outside just gave the lady a smile, it is likely that she will have an unpleasant conversation on this topic at home. What can we say about more! On the one hand, a husband is always an obstacle, but fighting him directly, head-on, will be a waste of time and effort. By choosing such a strategy, you can not only exclude success, but also greatly harm the future of the chosen one of your heart.

If love finds a response in the object of love, if a girl shows her affection, one cannot say with confidence that this is a real feeling that will endure all the vicissitudes of fate. There are many known cases when a lady’s reciprocal sympathy was explained only by a passing infatuation. As soon as the couple got close, the magic disappeared, the emotions disappeared simultaneously with the poignancy. Many people are attracted to the forbidden fruit. Even more often, the situation is different: a lady attracts a man only as long as she is someone’s wife. If she leaves her husband for a new love, the newly in love soon realizes that she is not interested in him. Is it worth the risk of ruining someone else’s family if the situation could turn out this way?

Consequences of a relationship with someone else's girlfriend

You should never consider a woman who has a man. Even if she almost broke up with him, she’s about to get divorced and they sleep in separate beds. Or what other stories have you heard from these ladies? “I fell out of love a year ago, with him only because of the children/work/apartment”? Or is he cheating on her too?

My position on this issue is this because I know the ending of all such stories.

Love adventures end in drama

In theory, people are conscious beings. We must understand the motives and consequences of our actions. Sometimes you need to think, “What am I doing? For what? What will I get in the end? Does this make sense?

In the triangle game, our answers are simple:

I take someone else's woman who was with someone else yesterday.
I do this to get emotions today.
And in the end, tomorrow she will be with someone else again.

You know, I personally don’t want to turn into the hero of a Mexican TV series, and I don’t advise you to. Including because I know a sufficient number of cases when betrayal is revealed. A husband or boyfriend is usually not very happy about the appearance of a guest in his girlfriend. He may want to straighten you out. A great way to add drive to life, isn't it? After all, in your everyday life there is nothing but boredom... And here are such adventures!

All for the sake of your goal!

If a man loves a married woman, he is obliged to evaluate his feelings very carefully and responsibly, so as not to make mistakes. If a long, leisurely analysis shows that a busy lady you know is the only chance for a happy future, you need to develop a strategy. The easiest way is for the one to whom the woman reciprocated. If a lady is convinced that the person she met after marriage is the same person without whom life is not sweet for her, you can invite her to leave her previous relationship and start a new family. By joining forces, the two will cope with the delicate state of affairs faster and more beautifully.

But if a man, although he likes a lady, is not going to plan a future and a family with her, then there is no point in starting. Without serious goals, you cannot ruin someone else's marriage. No matter how much a man loves a woman who has already chosen another partner for life, if he is not going to be with her until the last day, we can say with confidence: the woman will be happier with her first chosen one.

Morality

If you follow generally accepted moral principles, then you can be unhappy all your life, but correct, as society demands. The last thing you should worry about is what people say, do as you see fit. Think about your own destiny, motivation, personal life. Do everything for which you will not be ashamed of yourself.

Is the game worth the candle or is it just another entertainment with a cruel outcome for one of the parties? There is no single exact, correct decision, each situation is individual, and the responsibility for all decisions lies solely with us.

Causes and consequences

If a man loves a married woman and is ready to go to any lengths for this, you need to understand that the relationship will be full of risk. If two people build their happiness on the misfortune of an abandoned husband, it is extremely rare that they achieve absolute peace, mutual understanding and trust. Prejudice has a lot to do with it. Conscience worries. If a woman has a child from her first marriage, this creates additional difficulties in the relationship.

As practice shows, not every man is able to accept a child if his father is another person. Only a truly tolerant and loyal person can become a worthy father. The child is not guilty of anything, he is pure, nevertheless, many men see his father in him. In order to show your best side in such a situation, you need to be able to sincerely love all children - only in this way will a child born from another man become your own. If a lover is not sure that he is capable of such sincere and strong feelings, it is better not to take risks and not even start a relationship with a woman. She will be calmer in her current marriage.

Love triangle: he is single, she is married

For some reason, it is generally accepted that the reason for the emergence of love triangles lies in male polygamy. But facts are stubborn things, and they say quite the opposite: much more often, women are the initiators of adultery. They are driven either by a really great real feeling, or by a desire to take revenge on their husband and make him jealous. But each individual case has its own reason. There is only one thing in common: if a woman decides to commit adultery, it means that not everything is going smoothly in her family.

Let's not focus on why men cheat. Here everything is more or less clear: the desire to assert oneself, the need for novelty and variety of sensations, sympathy and falling in love, finally. Many men differentiate between family and relationships outside of it, not considering outside sex to be treason, and therefore return home without remorse. There are cases when a man suffers from love for a married woman, but does not even try to change anything in the relationship that has arisen.

Sometimes it's even dangerous!

A man, thinking about whether he can love a married woman or not, must be aware of the risks associated with such a relationship. You cannot find a husband who would be satisfied with his wife leaving for another. You can’t find anyone who would turn a blind eye to her interest in a third party. When pursuing someone else's wife, you need to be aware of the danger of using brute force on yourself. When trying to persuade a woman to have an extramarital relationship or even a divorce, one should understand that by doing so the initiator not only changes her and his life, but also the fate of her husband. The lives of several people are ruined. Anyone who loses a family, a spouse, perhaps a child, plunges into the abyss of anger. The emotions experienced by this person are not only destructive in their power, but also completely justified and fair, which gives them special power.

Only a worthy man can pass this test with honor. You need to not only realize your love for a married lady and provide her with everything possible for happiness if she chooses a new lover. You need to behave like a gentleman so as not to harm her ex-husband if possible. Well, if a person fears for his health and his biggest fear is being beaten, it’s better not to even start. The risks of such an outcome are too great.

What happens if you take away someone's girlfriend or wife?

Let's start with the most common situation.

A woman who is in a relationship or marriage with another man shows interest in you.

You start dating in secret.

Everything seems to be fine.

She complains about how unlucky

with my husband, he is callous, rude, angry, greedy, he says that he no longer loves him and is going to leave for you.

You want to believe her, and you are flattered by her attentions.

But it’s not so simple... it goes to your left.

In such a situation, there are several options for the development of events.

Troubles and ways to avoid them

Why do men relatively often pay attention to other people's wives? Psychologists have been thinking about this situation for a long time. It attracts no less attention from philosophers. It is known that many were attracted to a pretty and pleasant lady, knowing that she had already tied the knot. Others, analyzing their attitude, later concluded: the main reason was precisely the fact of marriage. You don’t have to worry that such a lady will ask to marry her. Fearing being bound by marital relations, men immediately choose those who have already entered into them, so their personal freedom will not be threatened. It also happens that a man almost immediately finds out that a lady is married, at this moment he does not even love her, but continues to get closer, almost deliberately escalating the situation.

It also happens differently. The man cannot figure out what to do. “I love a married woman!” - this thought beats in my head, does not give me peace, does not allow me to breathe calmly, and deprives me of sleep. Some in such a situation do not even make attempts to attract the lady’s attention, or all such insinuations end in failure. All that remains is to fight your feelings. What to do?

Psychology of relationships between married lovers

As a rule, the man becomes the initiator of the relationship. He is the first to show interest, cares, and makes hints. And it’s not surprising, because the tandem of unfree lovers is beneficial to the married man.

A married mistress of a married man acts in her usual way - she gives care, warmth, love. This is how women's feelings manifest themselves. The lady fills her boyfriend, depriving her own family of a valuable resource. As a result, the marriage deteriorates even more, and the woman plunges headlong into forbidden relationships.

A man in a relationship takes energy, receives nourishment, and realizes himself better in society. He spends the fruits of his success on his own family, giving only part of his attention to his mistress. Satisfying his physical needs with her, he easily switches to “family” mode and returns to his wife and children.

It’s a completely different matter if a woman meets with a married lover solely for bed pleasures. No feelings or investment of resources. Then both participants in the connection will get what they want without depriving the family of attention and care.

Options

It happens that a man realizes to himself: “I love a married woman with a child.” If you want to get away from this feeling, you should try your hand at creativity. You can write poems about your feelings, compose songs. Any creative activity allows you to somewhat abstract yourself from emotional tension and love intensity.

To make it easier to forget about a married lady, you should take a closer look at those around you. Surely there is a familiar and completely free girl who will be happy about the relationship. Having chosen her, at first a man may not be too sincere, but over time, new emotions and impressions will cover up the old ones, and an unsuccessful love for someone else’s wife will become obsolete.

Why do a married man and a married woman date?

By and large, the reasons for an affair on the side remain the same as for ordinary infidelity. Something is missing in a marriage, and one spouse begins to look for it in the other person.

The reasons for cheating are discussed in detail in separate articles: about women and about men.

However, usually cheaters still try to choose a free partner to make it easier to plan their meetings.

Love

Most often, this is what such an alliance is based on. A married man and a married woman communicate about work or other common issues and become close. Passion flares up and turns into a forbidden relationship.

But sometimes things are different and married lovers have dated in the past but separated due to some reasons. And the new meeting revived the extinguished feelings, which resulted in an affair on the side.

Vivid emotions

Home, work, obligations, everyday life, children... The whole series of standard routines is exhausting, sucking the very life out of a person. If the spouses have lost interest in each other, marriage turns into another gray responsibility.

And an affair on the side can bring back strong emotions. Passionate connection with a new woman. Fear of the thought that the truth will emerge. Secret meetings, encryption, hiding from friends and hiding evidence.

Adults play spies and feel alive again.

Family problems

Typically, relationships between lovers arise against the backdrop of problems in marriage. Misunderstanding, detachment, quarrels, and often betrayal of the partner. Out of revenge, the deceived spouse decides to respond in kind.

Feelings and justice

It is also possible that a married man loves a married woman and cannot get her out of his head for a long time. The hardest thing is for those who often meet with the object of their love. Such a man will experience endless suffering both from the fact that his beloved is different, and from the fact that he himself is not with the one with whom he would like. Well, the lady with whom the lover spends his time in such a situation will probably sooner or later understand what’s going on and feel deceived and used.

Conqueror's instinct

Whatever you say, our modern “macho” in an Armani shirt and a Tissot watch on his wrist has not run very far from his distant ancestors - primitive men, who in life were guided by base animal instincts.

What distinguished the leading men of the tribe? That's right, their strength, dexterity and ingenuity allowed them to get all the best - the best pieces of meat in the hunt, the best caves for living and, of course, the best women. There were even bloody battles for the most attractive females, in which, according to tradition, the strongest won.

Why be surprised, the entire history of mankind is full of examples when the desire to possess someone else’s woman led to catastrophic consequences. Just look at the story of Helen the Beautiful and the subsequent Trojan War.

A modern man, regardless of his position in society, remains the same invader. That is why, when he takes someone else’s woman away, he experiences a truly wonderful feeling of superiority.

Options and situations

Some psychologists, having repeatedly analyzed why they love married women, have come to the conclusion: most often these are men interested in strong, vivid impressions. In fact, they are not in love with someone else’s chosen one, but with the possibility of a relationship with a person belonging to someone else. Such people are strongly advised to more carefully analyze their aspirations and motives. There are a huge number of sources of extreme sensations and impressions around. It is not at all necessary to destroy other people's lives to get them. A much more preferable option is extreme sports. It is good for the body and develops mental strength, which cannot be said about relationships with another person’s spouse.

It also happens that a man first thinks about his difficult situation: “Oh, I’m married, I love a married woman, what should I do?” - and after some time he finds out that his chosen one has not yet become someone else’s wife. Perhaps she is only dating someone who was mistakenly mistaken for her life partner. If the relationship in your own marriage has completely gone wrong and there is no way to restore peace, you should try to take a closer look at a new lady. Is her boyfriend really that good? Are there any chances to attract her attention? Perhaps that lady just hasn’t realized how much she is loved? To get attention, you need to give gifts and shower your chosen one with compliments. It is necessary to show interest in her. This is how you can start a new serious relationship. Since for their sake the girl will break up with her boyfriend, and not with her husband, no one will be bothered by pangs of conscience.

Finance. What would we do without them?

Money is not the most important thing in life, but it makes it possible to achieve many goals. Giving your beloved woman a bouquet of flowers or a gold ring from the new collection of a famous manufacturer, going on a date or just having dinner at a restaurant - all this requires money.

In a relationship with a married woman, the lover competes with her husband all the time. If the chosen one’s family budget is modest, it’s not difficult to impress her. An ordinary bouquet of roses will cause indescribable delight.

But if the mistress’s husband is a wealthy man, it will not be easy to surpass his gifts. The bouquets should be huge, and the restaurants should be expensive and as prestigious as possible.

In this case, only creativity and romance can save you, which will allow you to present even the most modest bouquet as something wonderful and incredible. But will you last long?

When choosing gifts, you will have to take into account their visibility and ambiguity. Flowers can still be attributed to corporate congratulations, but the appearance of a new gold chain or even a set of underwear cannot be plausibly explained.

Elements of conspiracy will follow you everywhere, even in such sweet and romantic things as choosing a gift.

Friend and foe

Psychologists have repeatedly tried to determine why men love married women, and there are several theories. One of them talks about competition and the desire to be the best among others. If others have something, a true conqueror, a true warrior wants to take ownership of it all, without thinking too much about how much he needs this object. Seeing someone else's wife, a man realizes that the woman does not belong to him. If she is beautiful enough, it is likely that he immediately gets excited about the idea of appropriating her as “property”, an indicator of social status. Very often this happens when a friend finds a life partner. Looking at her, a representative of the stronger sex feels that there simply cannot be anyone better and more beautiful on the planet. You need to understand: almost always such situations lead to the fact that you need to choose either a friend or a lady. If you analyze the situation and understand that interest in a lady is provoked precisely by the primitive instincts of a conqueror, you can come to the conclusion that a woman who leaves her friend will not remain attractive for a long time, but it will no longer be possible to restore the previous relationship with her friend.

In such circumstances, you need to act with extreme caution. Loves come and go; almost every person has had them more than once in their life. As many rightly say, it is much less common to meet a true and faithful friend.

Varieties of basil

Let's start with the types of men who agree to have relationships with married ladies.

Vasyan without principles

There are those among us who deeply do not care about the ethical and moral side of the issue. Such a person takes what he wants, without regard to morality. He persuades himself with something like “I still don’t have serious plans for her.” This individual doesn’t even think that someone else might also “not have serious plans” for his woman.

Usually such a guy lives by double standards. He makes strict demands on those around him, but makes endless concessions to himself. Since a double bottom is the way of life of our hero, he does not think well or act badly. Such a person is always where there is a warmer place now. He does what is convenient for him at the moment and does not worry about it, for the time being.

Alen in a trap of feelings

I would call the second option “a mousetrap for Alen”

This is when a man is so doubtful: “I want to be with you! But it's wrong while you're in another relationship. Now you break up with your boyfriend, and then we’ll talk.” The poor guy sincerely does not understand that he is voluntarily signing up for a love triangle, and he himself is starting the scenario of a sick relationship.

But more importantly, such indecision is a lie to yourself. After all, the guy secretly feels: he is just looking for a reason for a relationship or sex, and he doesn’t care about morality and the consequences.

The alenelovka scenario is when, for the sake of decency, a man imitated some kind of resistance, but in the end he succumbed to his weaknesses. Then the mousetrap slams shut and the man is faced with a fact: he is in love with an unfaithful woman.

We have sex without obligation

Well, the third option is when a man thinks that he will simply tumble around with this married girl. What distinguishes him from the unprincipled Vasya is his tendency to have feelings for a lady. As a result, he falls in love, wins the lady away from his current boyfriend, enters a love triangle and receives the “horns on” package.

Reasons to be a lover

All three types are united by one common feature: their will is weaker than their immediate desires. At the same time, every man has a feeling of coming into contact with something dirty in such a situation. When acting dishonestly towards oneself and others, a person tends to make up excuses. What excuse would you come up with in a situation like this?

Nothing serious

A common excuse for the unprincipled and those without commitment. This is a fairy tale about the fact that “Everything is not serious with us.” It’s not serious - it’s when they tumbled once. And if the meetings continue for the third month, then the trap has slammed shut. A sense of ownership inevitably develops here. This is no longer a butterfly for the night, but a constant lover, with whom an emotional connection inevitably arises.

Then the weak-willed guy sits down and gives the lady stupid ultimatums: “Choose - either me or him.”

Such words are a total failure of the balance of significance and rigid Allenism.

We love each other!

Sometimes, everything is quite the opposite - very serious. If a man has a subtle mental organization, he tells himself a story about true love. This is often the case with those who like to put their body parts into mousetraps. The unfortunate man wants to see the cheater, but doesn’t want to tell himself the truth. Therefore, he comes up with the idea that he has a special spiritual connection with this lady. Of course, nothing should stop or break this connection.

This guy is simply doomed with any woman, not even a stranger. This kind of guy will justify any dirt, even from his girlfriend. The smell of a new friend from the body of a loved one will not scare away our spiritual buddy, but rather will arouse great passion in him.

He is the elk, and I am the male

Almost every man who enters into relations with an unfaithful lady is even flattered that the woman is cheating on her husband with him. He feels one rank higher than the deceived husband or boyfriend. Internally, this man believes that if he is Vasily, then he is an alpha male: “They give horns to someone else, but I’m handsome.”

But there is no reason for pride in the triangle: the lady is cheating on both her boyfriend and the stray alen. Both have horns. Is it really that hard to notice? If it’s difficult, then you need to go back to school geometry: both cuckolds are the sides of a triangle that stretch to the same vertex.

Only a naive Alen perceives the fact of betrayal as a compliment to himself: “She crossed the line for me!”

Wake up, narcissist, you shit yourself in the middle of the street: a cheater is initially incapable of fidelity! She jumps over this line faster than a hungover alcoholic empties his coin. It's not about your uniqueness, it's about the corruption of it. Leave your invented uniqueness for your mother’s stories: let her tell her neighbors how wonderful you are. And a woman who cheats may have so many unique people like you that she confuses your names.

Self-deception leads to degradation of the spirit

Men, especially cynical men, are consoled by this justification: “If she had not cheated with me, there would have been another person in my place.” One important detail: now you are in this place. Let's avoid pseudo-clever generalizations and playing with beautiful words. It is you who are now keeping company with a woman who has fallen into the frenzy of infidelity. A lady betrays another man, and you are an accomplice in this story.

You will pay for your complicity with the health of your own psyche. After all, actions shape our attitude towards the phenomena of the world around us. If you associate with an unreliable woman, you are not just a lover - you are encouraging her behavior and making it acceptable. And what’s even worse is that you change your own picture of the world: betrayal and infidelity of a woman become the norm for you. The healthy feeling of disgust and rejection towards such phenomena disappears. It’s like with the body’s immunity: by allowing yourself intimacy with someone else’s lady, you lose your moral immunity against wearing horns.

Cheating is like a drug

Besides, cheating is a type of drug. In such relationships, more dopamine and adrenaline are released: these are not just banal meetings or boring everyday life. Your body gets used to large portions of hormones and wants more: the lifestyle of a lover becomes a habit.

Every day you fall deeper and deeper into all these intrigues. In order not to lose the source of the buzz, you begin to indulge the girl and are easily manipulated. By prolonging your relationship with a strange woman, you instill deviant behavior in yourself. You know what they call men who like it when their woman is taken advantage of by another? Or do you really believe that she is 100% not sleeping with her husband? Let's say she leaves him, says that she has stopped loving him forever and now wants to be only with you. Or maybe she will even announce that she is pregnant with your child. What next?

So, your new man should be:

Decent, able to keep his mouth shut.
Careful, observing the rules of spy games.
Unobtrusive, respecting the right to family life.
Wealthy and not greedy to indulge your little whims and arrange romantic relationships.
Romantic.
Caring.

Look around, if there is no such ideal man nearby, then you should not start this relationship. Otherwise, you will definitely expose yourself and your relationship, which can be a huge blow to your family.