Almost every person has heard in his life such a word as indifference. This concept gives rise to quite negative associations; it has not yet been fully established in the scientific field, but in fact, indifference is a common phenomenon.
It very well describes the psychological state of a person, which seriously affects his life and personal development. This is why it is very important to understand the essence of the concept of “don’t care.” Who is this really and how is this life position expressed? After all, it affects not only relationships with other people, but also the individual himself as a whole.
Theory and description
Due to the widespread prevalence of this phenomenon among the masses, different degrees and varieties are attributed to indifference. The very first and most important word that comes to mind when describing this position is “indifference.” But in fact, this concept does not fit as a synonym - a person who doesn’t care understands what he is doing.
But indifference is usually understood as a complete lack of feelings for something, be it a person, an object or an event. Moreover, this concerns, rather, reflexes, the intuitive and subconscious reaction of a person. But a person who doesn’t care is a person who is able to control this phenomenon. This means that he consciously makes a choice about which things or phenomena to attach importance to and which are not worth wasting his time on.
What is the difference between healthy indifference and unhealthy
Healthy rational people who damn are honest with themselves and don't avoid difficulties. Even if they come to the decision not to do anything in this situation, then the internal work of accepting themselves THIS way is going on, accepting their feelings, and assessing them maturely.
Unhealthy indifference is characterized by the fact that a person does not experience the negative things that happened to him to the end. He does not learn from mistakes and devalues both life lessons and himself as a person capable of learning them. Unfinished business, unclear relationships, arrested development - this is what accompanies an immature, unhealthy indifference.
So, when a person declares that he wants to become an indifference, it is not yet known what exactly he means. Everyone has a different value system, a different language system. What such a would-be indifference wants is not at all what I mean by this concept or the completely left-wing Vasya Pupkin.
Complete indifference
By the name you can intuitively understand what we are talking about. Complete indifferences are people who have the most extreme manifestation of this life principle. This is a person’s conscious choice to stop paying attention to his own life and himself in particular. Moreover, he “gave up” on everything quite consciously, but this does not mean that he does not feel anything at all. It is quite simple to recognize such a person, since the person does not hide his indifference to the opinions of others, but also does not at all seek to impose his life principles on others.
In general, he doesn’t care whether they understand him or not, this is his conscious choice, and that’s quite enough for him. Such people have poorly developed memory, because they try to forget everything that happens as quickly as possible and throw out of their heads, as it seems to them, unnecessary information. The only advantage of this type of indifference is that the person does not get nervous again, which allows him to preserve nerve cells.
What is indifference?
Indifference is a person’s indifferent, devil-may-care attitude towards current events and other people. Despite all the rudeness of the formulation, indifference is not so disgusting and can even be very useful. It all depends on the degree of its manifestation. Let's look at simple examples. Let's say a person walks through the city and sees one of the passers-by feeling ill. He is the only one who can help, but he doesn’t care and passes by. In this case, indifference is certainly a negative phenomenon and should not occur in society.
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Now let's imagine a different situation. The guy suddenly leaves the girl, who develops depression, literally unsettling her. Everything falls out of hand, quarrels begin with relatives, performance at the university drops, and you don’t even want to go to a part-time job. If you add a little more indifference and indifference, then she will put herself in order much faster and meet another partner. Relationships are generally an area where healthy indifference is necessary. This is not about indifference, but the ability not to make a mountain out of a mountain.
If people learn to be a little calmer about certain moments and events, there will be less jealousy - one of the main causes of quarrels and scandals. In this regard, people who don't care are quite successful partners. Again, we are talking about a normal manifestation when a person cares about a partner, he just doesn’t start a conflict out of the blue. Excessive attention is tiring, so there should always be a certain amount of personal space.
In addition to interpersonal communication and the everyday sphere, it is easier for people who don’t give a damn to build a career and realize themselves in society. No matter how good the workforce and managers are, there are still periodic reasons for grievances and misunderstandings. If a person is very vulnerable, every little thing can make him angry. This leads to scandals, hostility and even dismissals. If you turn on indifference, you can calmly move up the career ladder, not paying attention to periodic nuances. Such an employee will work longer and will occupy a higher position.
Aggressive type
Here the situation is a little different, the person is proud of his position in life. And unlike the previous species, a person’s don’t-give-a-fuck attitude extends to everyone except him. In other words, he thus clears the way and accumulates strength to worry and worry exclusively about his Self.
Naturally, this has its own positive side, but it is canceled out by the inability to feel something for other people. It is precisely these women and men who don’t give a damn who create a negative image of the position itself, while openly praising their reluctance to perceive the world around them and take into account the needs of others.
Who wants to become a don't care
Probably the fact is that precisely those people who don’t give a damn about real high-quality indifference, like the moon, want to become people who don’t give a damn; on the contrary, they are overly emotional people who react sharply to the emotional outbursts of others, to their own grievances and disappointments, to problems.
They do not know how to cope with stress, they worry with complete dedication, they mull over the difficult situation that has arisen in their minds for a long time, endlessly turning it over and coming up with options for a way out.
Those who want to become non-givers are those who are not satisfied with their life, with their emotional reaction to difficulties, which supposedly should strengthen them, but they “safely” cause depression and suicidal thoughts. Such people, if they don’t do anything about themselves, ruin the lives of those around them with their eternally sour face, poor health, pessimism and irritation with everyone and everything. Particularly advanced people come to fatalism and passive humility.
But... Humility, especially without inner work, is not the indifference that they so crave.
Relative type
Such people choose what in their lives is worth paying attention to and what not. Moreover, things, people and even concepts can fall into this category. Most often, this trait manifests itself in purposeful individuals. Some creative people and entrepreneurs specifically develop this feature in themselves in order to complete assigned tasks and not waste their energy.
Moreover, hobbies can be very different, not only work or creativity, but also sports, the opposite sex, religion, or anything really. This kind of indifference can be equated to determination, which is a completely positive quality. However, the end does not always justify the means, and this is clearly not worth forgetting.
Hidden type
This person cannot be equated to a careless person. Photos, personal communication and other characteristics do not in any way indicate the presence of this life principle. The fact is that he consciously hides his attitude to the world, and everyone around him perceives him as a responsive, attentive person, ready to listen, show sympathy, and share advice. But as soon as he leaves the threshold, a true hidden indifference will not think about it or continue to worry, he will simply forget everything. For him, this is completely unimportant and has no value, but he will never show that he doesn’t care.
From the point of view of personal development, this is a very good trait, because taking on other people’s problems and worrying too much about others only slows you down and negatively affects your health. But if the interlocutor of a hidden person who doesn’t give a damn finds out about his real view of things, he will most likely be disappointed, because he perceived this person completely differently. Such people treat themselves differently, but it is always important for them that others do not see their true indifference. Therefore, external characteristics, facial expressions and other details are important.
Is not giving a damn good or bad?
A person who doesn’t give a damn has a valuable quality – resistance to stress. It is difficult to unbalance such an individual and attempts to manipulate him do not lead to success. We can say that a person who doesn’t care is in emotional balance and takes life easily. Many people strive for this, calling it by other, more euphonious words. But if you face the truth, it turns out that not caring is a healthy egoism that protects mental health from the inadequacy of others.
How to include not giving a fuck in a relationship, and when is it appropriate?
Complete indifference in love relationships, for example, has a detrimental effect on them. It is impossible to build them with a person who is indifferent to everything. This is very difficult for a partner. A love affair implies passion, mutual desire, the desire to do something pleasant. None of this can be achieved from a person who doesn’t care. You have to choose - love or balance.
It is appropriate to turn on indifference if a partner is trying to put pressure, seek to manipulate and create an artificial intensity of passions. If you decide to learn this art, you need to learn the principle - how to become a non-governer and not be nervous. Why is this so important? Beginners who don’t give a damn, who consciously decided to cultivate this quality in themselves, are initially tormented by a feeling of guilt and are nervous about how their reactions are perceived by others.
For example, just yesterday a sympathetic guy who did not say “No” suddenly turns on a mask of indifference and does not succumb to the tricks of those who are accustomed to using him. He hears reproaches and bewilderment addressed to him and suddenly finds out how bad he is. Although just a few days ago he was considered a reliable good-natured person who could be used with impunity. Naturally, the feeling of guilt makes itself felt and spoils the nerves. Therefore, you need to understand how to not give a damn in life and not experience pangs of conscience.
How to learn to not give a damn: advice from a psychologist
The ability to remain detached is a sign of a mature person. Will psychology answer how to become a non-giver and will it help with this? In general, yes, although this term has not yet entered psychological dictionaries and is not officially recognized. But this science has other tools and definitions that will help achieve the goal.
For example, the question “how to start treating everything more simply?” is similar to “how to make it so that you don’t care.” To successfully fight the negativity around you, you need to realize how detrimentally the environment affects the psyche, how it absorbs and gradually erases your personality, turning you into a convenient addition.
Yes, yes, if you want to learn not to give a fuck, you will have to become inconvenient for some people. Colleagues who are accustomed to dumping their work on you or bosses who are squeezing out all the juice are unlikely to be happy about such changes.
The “beloved” mother-in-law will be shocked and amazed at the new quality of her son-in-law. If previously it was possible to put pressure on the conscience, induce a feeling of guilt, or simply force one to take certain actions, now this trick will not work. Working on yourself will require willpower.
How to become a person who doesn’t give a damn, advice from psychologists and those who have taken this path:
1. Accept that you are now different from the gray mass. A person who doesn’t care can’t be “like everyone else” and you have to come to terms with this. You need to believe in your uniqueness. This is a manifestation of healthy selfishness.
2. Realize that no one is perfect. If anyone says otherwise, he is lying. And in general, everyone lies. Some intentionally, some unknowingly. In any case, you shouldn’t believe everyone.
3. Don't admire what someone else likes out of a desire to please and please. Look for a response in your own soul. Music, art, politics - only your perception should matter to you.
4. If there is no way to influence the course of events, change your own attitude towards what is happening. There are people who are much worse off than you right now. Only death cannot be corrected; everything else can be corrected.
5. You should not cultivate envy in yourself. A person who envies others is not capable of becoming a non-giver. Nobody owes you anything, you have what fate has offered.
6. Don’t take everything to heart and don’t take any attacks from others personally. If they don't like something, that's their problem, not yours.
Not caring is not coldness or indifference, it is a way of thinking and worldview. Such people are able to show empathy, love, and care. Their difference is that they do all this voluntarily, without coercion. It is their choice, and they are free to do so. That's why many people are so jealous of people who don't give a damn.
How to learn not to give a damn and not turn into an insensitive cynic? It is important not to cross the line beyond which there is aggression and anger. These two feelings will never help in achieving the goal; they have a detrimental effect on the psyche and destroy a person from the inside.
The dissatisfaction and anger that sit in the soul have nothing to do with detachment and a sense of emotional balance. Many psychologists of our time think about this phenomenon, and there is even a book on how to become a non-giver - a guide to action.
Reasonable type
It is also commonly called healthy. Recently, many have been trying to develop this trait in themselves as part of personal self-development. This is an independent division of all life aspects into positive and negative, and subsequently the separation of the latter. We can say that a reasonable indifference is a guy who has chosen positive thinking; he tries to see a positive character in absolutely everything. Such people can rejoice, they are sincere and truly happy. They are able to believe in miracles, and the most interesting thing is that it is their belief in goodness that attracts a lot of good things into their lives.
Philosophy of reasonable indifference
This view of the world is applicable specifically in modern society, since in the old days there were completely different social rules. Today, life here and now, positive thinking, determination and other features of not giving a damn give a person an advantage. Such people are needed in the work environment because they will be able to react correctly in a stressful situation. They are able to isolate themselves from a large flow of information and concentrate on the really important points.
A healthy person who doesn't give a damn never worries about little things. Most situations that happen in life provoke a person to worry. And they take too much time and effort, but in reality their comprehension and experiences do not give any positive result either for the individual or for his environment. For an ordinary person, the awareness of lost time is manifested only by the fact of its presence, but a person who doesn’t care, in turn, simply does not allow this kind of thing into his life. Also, the absence of irritability and nervousness protects a person from committing rash actions and actions; he seems to look at all problematic situations more soberly.
The main words of an indifference can be expressed in one quote from a modern poet: “I don’t care is the serene ease of being.” That is, people associate the expression created at the end of the last century with something bad, but in fact it is a fairly positive trait of human character, a special outlook on life that can manifest itself from both a positive and a negative side. Therefore, calling this worldview good or bad is simply incorrect. It all depends on the person himself and how he applies not giving a damn in his life.
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Friday, November 30, 2012 11:52 + to quote book
What are the philosophical and psychological characteristics of not giving a fuck? Why is there no such term in modern psychology and philosophy? Yes, because not a single scientist has studied this phenomenon, although such a need is absolutely relevant and long overdue. Even such a great Scientologist and cannibalist as Ron Hubbard did not devote space to indifference in his research, in particular, he did not place it on his “emotional tone scale”! This indicates the extreme limitations of his “teaching.” Everyone has heard about indifference, but unfortunately, as a coherent concept, indifference is unknown to the general public. Not caring is one of the protective reactions of the human body to the surrounding and internal world. Not caring is science, religion and psychotherapy at the same time. However, it is not promoted, preached or studied for two simple reasons: those in power are not interested in it, and secondly, no one cares. Therefore, each person comes to indifference independently; fortunately, in every person, indifference is present from birth in a latent form. As for indifference as a teaching, it is true, because it is true. And it is true because it is true. The poet expressed the essence of indifference succinctly and briefly: Indifference is the serene ease of being.
(Tetcorax) Not caring and psychology.
Many people are constantly tormented by their problems, passions and desires.
Most of them simply have a “thorn in the ass”, they are so sick, so they spin and spin in this life in order to climb higher, become richer, “get everything from life”, etc. And they constantly complain that they don’t get everything they deserve from this life. Do they know what they deserve? And they are completely unaware that all this useless fuss of theirs is vanity of vanities, vanity and catching the wind. What is indifference in the psychological aspect?
Not caring is different from other human mental states.
Moreover, it is not a combination of other states of the human psyche, and the introduction of this term into dictionaries, encyclopedias and educational courses has long been a necessity. Indifference, contrary to the opinion of the vast majority of modern psychologists, is not synonymous with such concepts as apathy, depression (depressnyak), melancholy, ataraxia, abulia, euthymia. A person who doesn't care is also not an analogue of a phlegmatic/melancholic person, although he has many of their external signs. Equanimity, prudence, unhurriedness, composure, calmness in acute situations, stable aspirations, more or less constant mood, weak external expression of emotions, characteristic of a phlegmatic person, are also characteristic of a person who doesn’t care. However, these traits are not the essence of indifference or its causes. They are just its consequences. Not caring is not melancholy, not apathy, and certainly not depression.
For example, what is apathy?
This is a state of detachment from all passions, liberation from feelings of fear and problems of the surrounding reality, “withdrawal into oneself,” indifference. In this state “you don’t want anything” and “nothing makes you happy.” Apathy is caused by various reasons (loss of something significant, illness, fiasco in personal or social life, “failure of hopes,” extreme fatigue, etc.) The consequence is a state of suppressed will, lack of mental strength for struggle and other active actions, increased emotional threshold, incorrect assessment of surrounding events and incorrect reactions to these events. The person, as they say, “breaks down” and becomes indifferent to what happens next. He has accepted his fate and is completely overwhelmed by the situation. Is this a portrait of a person who doesn’t care? Absolutely not! A person who doesn't care always controls the situation and evaluates it adequately. But he doesn’t want to waste his energy, time, money and other resources on it. Or maybe spend it. “How the card falls.” He deliberately ignores what are, from his point of view, petty threats and circumstances. Not caring is a conscious, completely volitional and controlled act. If you don't care, it doesn't cost anything to immediately move from a situation of calm contemplation to frantic activity and back. The question is different. What the hell? Why the hell is this necessary? “What the hell?” - this is the main question of the past, present and future! The ancient wise elders said:
In the beginning there was a Question.
And this question was: “What the hell?” The answer was the Word. And after this Word, everything that exists was created. We should also remember the prophecies that come to us from the future:
The main question of the Vorlon race is “Who are you?”
The main question of the Shadow race is “What do you want?” The main question of the Human race is “What the hell?” Which of these questions is more important? Of course, the main one is the question “What the hell?” And according to this indicator, the human race will over time be far ahead of all other intelligent beings of the Universe. This future superiority is being laid now. Therefore, the movement of people who don’t care should expand, multiply, strengthen and grow into the masses right up to the outskirts. You can often hear accusations of indifference among people who don't care. Like, they are indifferent and indifferent people! Therefore, be afraid of those who don’t care: Be afraid of the indifferent!
With their tacit consent, all the evil in the world is committed. (Exupery) This is absolutely false!
The guy who doesn't care is not indifferent. He just doesn't care! He may make an effort to solve the problem and sacrifice a lot, or he may not make an effort or sacrifice. A priori, he doesn’t care, he doesn’t care, it’s purple, it doesn’t itch or ripple. And this is his main difference from callous, indifferent and indifferent people who have the initial attitude of not taking anything on their shoulders and staying away from any problems. In addition, a person who doesn’t care, as a rule, has a similar attitude towards himself. Because he does not consider himself as a universal navel around which the entire Universe revolves. He doesn’t care about navels and other petty human passions. And this is precisely the difference between a philosopher who doesn’t give a damn and a person who is preoccupied and overwhelmed by desires. A person who doesn't care has desires that are secondary. Among all emotions, not caring is the psychological state closest to the optimum. It allows you to most adequately assess the situation and make the most correct decisions. The composition of production and any other teams must necessarily include a person who doesn’t give a damn, as the statistically average and most balanced psychological type. The person who doesn't care is in a state of unstable equilibrium. He is the dividing line between extroverts and introverts, egoists and altruists, enthusiasts and parasites, etc. His activity, with sufficient force of influence, can be directed in any direction. (Of course, only after he decides why he needs it. After he answers the main question: “What the hell?”) He is like the center of gravity for which activists/enthusiasts, lazy people/parasites and others are fighting. The main cry of enthusiasts (these are those who have a problem in their ass): “Let's do it!” The main cry of the parasites (these are those whose butts are rooted to the sofa): “I don’t want to do anything!” The main cry of those who don’t care: “What the hell?” Before taking someone's side, a person who doesn't care decides a fundamental question: should he do it or should he not do it? That is, it solves the main task of a warrior-commander: goal - expediency - means. He is the commander! Because it is he who asks the main question and solves the main question, why the hell is all this needed. He seeks the truth and finds it! And since he, in principle, also doesn’t care about the truth, he gives it to others free of charge. And with this trait he resembles an altruist even more than the altruist himself! Basic postulates of not giving a fuck.
In indifference, as well as in other teachings, there are postulates that justify its essence.
Some require proof, and some are accepted as truth based on statistics. Here are some of them. 1. Not caring is an impregnable ivory tower. (Tetcorax) 2. Not giving a damn is one of the surest ways to get to heaven. (Tetcorax) 3. If you want to be happy, be happy. (Kozma Prutkov) 4. Everything we really need is either cheap or nothing at all. (Seneca) (This is an adult thought of a wise aksakal, and its realization requires certain life experience and intellectual effort. Many are not able to comprehend it until the very end of their lives.) 5. Every situation either resolves itself or does not resolve at all. Your participation in this situation is completely unnecessary. 6. If you can’t change the situation, then why suffer because of it? Deal with it, get away from it, or throw it away. If you can't change your circumstances, change yourself. As an additional psychotherapeutic technique, you can curse her. 7. If you complain about a problem, it doubles, and if you laugh at it, it leaves you. Well, if you kick her in the ass, then the problem turns into benefit and entertainment! 8. If you sit on the bank of a river for a long time, you can see the corpse of your enemy floating along it. (Chinese wisdom) (This is a figurative expression, a metaphor, an analogue of the ancient Egyptian proverb “Everything comes on time for the one who knows how to wait.” A person who doesn’t care doesn’t just sit on this bank and waits. A person who doesn’t care does not fuss, he goes to bed there, doing two useful things at once things to do for yourself.) 9. There is only one way to happiness - to stop worrying about things that are not subject to our will. (Epictetus) 10. Sadness is carried away on the wings of indifference. (Jean Lafontaine about not giving a damn) We do not have enough strength of character to obediently follow all the dictates of reason.
(La Rochefoucauld) A person who doesn't care has just the character for this!
It should also be noted that any person is available for not giving a damn, and in any person there is indifference. So what is the difference then between a person who doesn’t care and other people? The difference is in the dose! Those who don't care are a very modest, quiet and inconspicuous part of society. What does a demonstration of people who don't care look like? They're just sleeping! It is right and prestigious to be an indifference. Long live the great teaching of not caring! Under the purple banner of not giving a damn - forward to a bright future! Note.
“The Ivory Tower” is a Latin allegory that denotes a person’s complete immersion in his affairs and thoughts, his detachment from the events happening around him.
A person lives not the life of the world around him, but his own. The world around him is secondary. He says this: The Universe is what happens in my head.
(Tetcorax) It is his head that is the “ivory tower”. from here
Series of messages “POFIGISM”:
Part 1 - What is indifference. Part 2 - Philosophical foundations of not giving a fuck. Part 3 - Everything is vanity of vanities.
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