Recently it has become fashionable to talk and write about responsibility. Everyone, from psychologists to coaches of MLM companies, talks about how important it is to take responsibility for your life. But very few explain what this means in practice; Few people present this idea in a simple and accessible form, without slipping into primitivization. As a result, you can observe a huge number of people who talk about responsibility without understanding a damn thing about what it is.
At best, such conversations are simply useless, and at worst, harmful. Just today I saw a post where the author argued that a responsible person should accept the blame
for everything that happens to him. Others confuse responsibility with the ability to act. Some people even think that responsibility is a form of social burden.
All these beliefs are a good way to drive yourself to neurosis or depression. (You've probably tried it.)
And responsibility has nothing to do with all this. And I really want to talk about what it is, because it's really important. Not to achieve anything (fortunately, I’m not a lousy coach). And not even to change your life. Just to live. Really live.
Be supportive rather than solving problems for the other person.
Each of us, at different stages of life, has to learn different lessons that contribute to our learning and development.
By solving someone else's problem, you are depriving the person of his lesson. That is, in the future he will have to create the same problematic situation in order to finally learn what he needed to learn earlier. Therefore, instead of encouraging him or telling him where to find the necessary information or get the necessary help, it is better to provide the person with moral support.
You can explain to him why this situation arose, but do not try to solve it for him. Of course, it's a completely different matter when you are openly asked for help. Then you have permission to interfere in someone else's life.
Referring to the catchphrase
Each of us has at least once heard the following phrase: “We are responsible for those we have tamed.” Its author is the French essayist and writer of the 20th century Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. And she is found in a fairy tale for adults called “The Little Prince”. Nowadays it is most often used in relation to our smaller brothers, which can be understood - animals need the care and protection of people (often from other representatives of humanity who are cruel), since they are able to provide it to them.
But Antoine de Saint-Exupéry put a different meaning into the phrase “We are responsible for those we have tamed.” The writer himself, as a person, made the highest demands on himself. This is important to mention. And the expression means that all the people around us (relatives, friends, loved ones) are tamed by us. They trust us, love us, appreciate us, and hope for reciprocity. And those for whom these people feel this way should not allow betrayal towards them. Or for them to experience grief, worry, pain. The bottom line is that we are responsible for the happiness of our loved ones. Just like they are for ours.
Definition
This term is explained in different ways. But there are few differences in definitions. It is generally accepted that responsibility is the subjective obligation of a person to answer for his actions and their consequences. If we follow another statement, then this term denotes a special attitude of an individual to his actions. And it characterizes her as a rational, conscious, intellectually developed person.
Such a Personality is responsible for choosing his actions, taking initiative and bringing this or that matter to the end. And if we talk about what it means to be a responsible person, then we can say with confidence: this means proving oneself as an independent, efficient and reliable member of society. People with this quality are often perceived as honest, persistent, diligent and careful. And this is justified, since they deserve such a reputation.
Complete one task without being distracted by others
In newspapers with vacancies, you can often find queries such as “multitasking” or “the ability to work on several projects at the same time.” I’ll tell you right away: forget all this!
A disciplined and responsible person always concentrates his attention on one thing. A key feature of the practice of developing personal responsibility is developing the skill of getting things done. Remember that do-it-yourselfers are always valued much higher than those who are torn to pieces and quit work halfway through.
Most likely, your employer will not allow you to conduct only one project, but will constantly distract you with related tasks. It's not scary. Choose the highest priority direction yourself (or an easy one, as an option) and work only with it. As a result, you will get faster completion of tasks. Make it a rule not to check email more than 2-3 times a day. Consider setting your phone to answering machine. Maybe some work should be taken home to resolve the issue faster.
These were tips regarding work, they are also valid for your personal life. Do you smoke, eat sugar and drink coffee? It will be better if you start giving up these bad habits consistently. If you want to pay off your debts, you shouldn't try to pay them all off at once. Choose the most important debt and work only on it.
By applying the above techniques, you will become a calmer and more responsible person.
What is Self-Responsibility?
Self-responsibility is:
- First of all, responsibility for your development, personal growth (formation of personal qualities, getting rid of problems and shortcomings) and professional education.
- Finding, setting and achieving life goals. Aimlessness is the first indicator of irresponsibility.
- Responsibility for your manifestations, behavior, words, etc., so that all manifestations are worthy.
- Responsibility for your physical body and health.
Responsibility for your destiny is:
- Responsibility for achieving your life goals, for achieving success and happiness.
- Responsibility for the happiness, well-being and safety of all those who are dear to you (this is also part of the responsibility for your destiny).
- Responsibility for creating the necessary situations according to fate, for eliminating problems that arise in life and helping loved ones (who are within your area of responsibility).
Responsibility: why is it important?
In the modern world, many people, unfortunately, absolutely do not want to grow up. Having reached adulthood or a later age, they still continue to sit on the neck of their parents, the state, or even their spouse - husband or wife. They play computer games, spend time on the Internet or in bad company on the street and completely forget that their role in life is also to find a decent job, receive a good salary and provide for their family.
Only a responsible person can achieve the above goals and become a respected and in all respects worthy person. A responsible person understands that in each individual situation he has a huge variety of choices, knows how to make decisions and knows that his life time is limited. Such an individual values every free minute, tries to use it to his advantage and never shifts responsibility for his actions, feelings and thoughts to other people or circumstances. He does not blame others for his failures and mistakes and knows that in order to change something, he must start with himself and change himself.
Let's return to Frankl, who, by the way, developed an entire theory dedicated to the meaning of life and responsibility, calling it logotherapy (from the Greek "logos", which means "meaning"). According to the famous Austrian doctor, responsibility is what life itself confronts a person and what many of us try to avoid. He often compared responsibility to an abyss, very deep and frightening, but at the same time very majestic.
A prominent psychologist notes that our future and the future of other people depend entirely on us. After all, every second only we make a choice and make a separate decision, realize or, conversely, miss the opportunity available at a given moment in time. And not only our behavior, but also the behavior and attitude of others towards us depends on what decision we make.
Guilt is the opposite of responsibility
In the minds of many people, responsibility and guilt are, if not synonymous, then close concepts. That is why people exclaim: “Well, it’s not my fault!” - and they think that such “innocence” is a reason to refuse responsibility. It's a delusion.
Guilt is an artificial concept used by some people to manipulate others. This is an idea contrary to human nature and deeply perverted, arising in cases where mistakes are considered something bad. If error is a point of growth, then guilt cannot exist. But if a mistake is something bad, then you will always be at fault, because you will always be wrong.
Your parents, educators and teachers diligently instilled this idea and the feeling of guilt based on it in you in order to control you. To force you to comply at the expense of your own desires. So that you are obedient and punish yourself, constantly and endlessly.
They succeeded. And - note - you are not to blame for this. But it's your responsibility. Do you understand?
Guilt and responsibility are opposites. Feeling guilty yourself, you will always look around for those to blame. You will blame other people and circumstances (after all, in the previous paragraph you thought that “they” were to blame, right?). Guilt either works both ways or doesn’t work at all.
So, responsibility is when the feeling of guilt does not work at all.
Responsibility is the understanding that there is no one to blame, because guilt does not exist. Guilt is an abstraction. Responsibility is a choice: to find someone to blame or to accept things as they are. Accept yourself as you are. And start living based on this, and not from fantasies and abstract constructions on the topic of who is to blame for what.
What does it mean to be responsible for others?
Although each of us is a separate universe with its own uniqueness, we are not isolated systems. Our life directly depends on interaction with others. We are a kind of mechanism where everyone occupies a certain place and performs their specific task. The success of this entire mechanism depends on how effectively we carry out our tasks and how interested we are in helping others. These two factors give rise to a sense of responsibility that continuously accompanies us from the moment of birth to the last minute of our life.
Despite the fact that the sense of responsibility seems passive and directed only at the person himself, in reality, the opposite is true. Responsibility is always active, since every minute we make new choices. Even when it is directed at ourselves, the life of another person always depends on it. Therefore, at its core, by being responsible for ourselves, we are responsible for others, and by being responsible for others, we are responsible for ourselves.
Use to-do lists wisely
In time management, there is a recommendation to create lists that reflect all the tasks planned for the day, week or longer. A common mistake newbies make is overloading these lists. Remember that there should be no more than 5 things in the planner. Otherwise, the list will cease to fulfill its functions and will only create a routine.
If you can't fit into 5 points, it means you want too much. Try to break each item down into smaller tasks, but still keep the total number of tasks under 5.
The value of the quality is “Responsibility”. What is her strength?
The ability to take responsibility and fulfill it is one of the main decision-making criteria when moving a person upward in his career.
This is always the basis of leadership and the growth of a leader, as well as the basis of personal growth: a person’s sphere of responsibility grows and expands - the person himself grows, as a person and as a leader, his sphere of influence, his power, his significance in society grows, and his possibilities. The less a person takes responsibility, the less he fulfills obligations, the less his significance, capabilities, real strength, etc., the less he can do in life.
The cowardly and weak are afraid of responsibility and achieve nothing, often remaining losers all their lives.
Strong and courageous, or those who want to become so, take responsibility, do not run away from it or hide, but do exactly the opposite - use opportunities and take responsibility, expand their capabilities, thereby increasing their influence on situations, on your life and the lives of other people.
Responsibility, as a principle and quality of success, unites all the components of the “I Want-Can-Do” Success Formula. Even a super talented and intelligent person, if he does not have the quality of “responsibility,” most often does not achieve anything in life, loses the trust and support of people, and loses faith in himself due to the fact that he does not fulfill the promises made and taken upon himself. obligations, damaging your face and reputation. Such people, if they do not reveal the quality of “responsibility,” become uninteresting losers.
Write reports to yourself
Just as the boss asks you to write a report on the work done, in the same way you should write reports to yourself. I don't mean work reports. You can write reports about your life, about your loans, about your income and expenses. You will be surprised at how dramatically your level of responsibility to yourself will increase when you start creating reports like this.
Ask yourself: what have I achieved in the last year? Have I achieved my goals? Have I achieved my micro goals? Did I build on my strengths and work on my weaknesses? Have I grown as a person?
Even this simple, infrequent habit can change your productivity, attitude, and success.
How to become a responsible person?
1. First of all, engage in personal growth - start attending trainings, courses and webinars on personal development, read books by famous people and trainers (Brian Tracy, etc.). Constantly invest in your personal growth.
2. Train your responsibility! Practice on yourself and on others: take on simple obligations and try to fulfill them on time and accurately, start respecting yourself for this. To make it easier, write down your promises to yourself and your promises to other people in a workbook. Mark all completed obligations in it. Next, move on to more significant and serious matters and obligations.
The point is that you must be confident in yourself that if you give your word, you will certainly keep it.
3. Constantly work on your life goals. How to work correctly with your goals - read here.
4. Learn to control yourself and manage all your manifestations. Self-control and Self-Control are a direct indicator of your responsibility for yourself, in what state you live. You don't care about yourself, or you always try to be “fine.”
5. Responsibility involves calculation (to take on this or that business or not), taking on obligations (responsibility for a task, achieving a goal, etc.), an agreement (this word - verbally or on paper) and fulfilling obligations (searching for solutions, impeccability, timeliness, etc.). All these components must work without failure.
Developing responsibility is not always easy; sometimes you need individual help from a healer or coach (psychologist). If you want to work with a mentor or healer individually, write to me in the feedback form.
I also recommend the following articles:
- Human life goals
- How to set and achieve goals correctly
- Strong personal qualities necessary for development
Write a personal mission statement
We are so carried away by the worldly that we often forget who we are and why we came into this world, what our values are. To stop this, you need to take a blank sheet of paper and write a receipt reflecting your goals and ways to achieve them through the prism of your values.
For example, a personal mission statement might look like this: “Live simply and honestly, work hard for financial independence and the opportunities that this independence will provide me.”
A personal mission should not be philosophical, thoughtful and expressed in poetic form. It should reflect your essence and your beliefs, which are here and now. At the same time, the mission is something that will definitely inspire you and for which you will live.
Be honest with yourself and then your mission will reveal itself very quickly.
Relationship Psychology: Don't Let Others “Save” You
When a person is in a stressful situation, experiencing pain or anxiety, it may seem to him that his life does not depend on him. At such moments, other people may offer moral or feasible assistance. Relationships with them should not interfere with realizing your share of responsibility in the most hopeless situation. You can allow others to do something for themselves only if there is an urgent need for it, or if it is not possible to do it yourself. In other cases - when they want to make a decision for you, make a choice, teach you how to do the right thing - you need to make it clear that this is your area of responsibility, and only you will decide what to do.
Psychological aspect
There is much more to be said about what it means to be a responsible person. In general, a person’s awareness of this quality is determined by many factors. Cognitive, characterological, situational, motivational. All this has to do with the internal control mechanism. After all, first of all, the subject is responsible to himself for his actions.
But the authorities are also important. Most often stimulating. Take, for example, the work sphere. The person was given a month to complete this or that task. Of course, he will feel good if he completes it in two weeks and passes it earlier. But in a specific situation, the reaction of the authorities to such efficiency plays a more important role. An employee's high level of performance and responsibility will show him in the best light and allow him to earn respect, trust and authority.
Psychological prerequisites are also important. They lie in the ability to make choices. That is, consciously prefer one or another line of behavior. Often the problem of choice appears in a dispute. And a person has to choose “to be or not to be” (to defend his position and bear responsibility for it), or “to be or to appear” (which means a refusal of responsibility).
What is responsibility and hyper-responsibility
Definition from Wikipedia:
Responsibility is a personal characteristic of a person that describes his ability to thoroughly analyze a situation, predict in advance the consequences (the whole range of consequences) of his actions or inactions... and make a choice of the form of his actions with a willingness to accept the consequences of the choice as inevitable accomplished facts.
As a result, a responsible person understands in advance that the result depends on his actions. This is the right approach, especially if the responsibility is large, such as:
- from parents;
- drivers;
- working at heights, with complex mechanisms;
- entrepreneurs.
Responsibility is important even for a psychologist or psychotherapist - especially if he works with a person with psychological trauma or a suicidal client.
But if the same psychologist from the example takes responsibility for whether his client commits suicide or not, this will be considered hyper-responsibility. The difference is very simple and complex at the same time. Simple part:
The tricky part is what exactly we can do. An adult is responsible for everything in relation to a child - but he cannot “steer” the processes within the child. For example, we call it responsibility to dress a child warmly and appropriately for the weather so that he does not get sick. And as soon as a parent begins to worry that they have chosen the wrong doctor, or treatment regimen, or even because the child has a cold, the prefix hyper- appears. These are excessive obligations that no one can bear. And such obligations have nothing to do with normal human responsibility.
Responsibility is an adequate understanding of what a person did and how it affected the result.
Hyper-, that is, super-responsibility - assigning oneself the responsibility to be responsible for something that is beyond human capabilities.
Example. It is impossible to be responsible with complete seriousness for another person’s mood, his thoughts, his beliefs. The person chooses all this himself. It is impossible to completely control the actions of another - even if it is a small child, and even more so if it is an adult.
- An alcoholic chooses to drink.
- A love addict chooses to suffer differently, to emotionally depend not on himself, but on the actions and even words of his loved one.
How to develop responsibility: 8 effective ways
You can try to bring up many nuances in favor of the importance of such a character trait as responsibility, but is there any point in this? Everyone knows perfectly well that this quality cannot be avoided if a person plans to achieve something truly important.
If a person cannot boast of having responsibility, then he should pay attention to the advice of experts who will help him develop such an important quality in himself.
Awareness of the need
Nothing is more motivating than a fair remark that no one will take responsibility for you. Your life belongs to you and you are responsible for how to manage it. You can waste your time on something meaningless and petty, or you can use it wisely and achieve something significant.
Things won’t get done on their own, and goals won’t be achieved on their own - it’s worth remembering this. As soon as you realize that success depends on you, then you will stop looking for those to blame for your problems and will finally begin to act and be responsible for your actions.
This stage is responsible for the formation of individuality and self-improvement, since it is the one who has realized the need for something who is ready to go to the bitter end.
Planning
Any activity requires a responsible and disciplined approach, if you, of course, expect a positive result. You can’t work anyhow and expect that your superiors will praise you for it and definitely reward you with a bonus.
Take the habit of planning your day, because it is competent time management that will allow you to effectively distribute your time, and you will almost immediately notice that you are getting a lot more done.
Important
Try to clearly define the time frames intended for work and rest. You need to soberly assess your strengths and correctly approach the distribution of working time in order to protect yourself from both physical and emotional exhaustion.
Memory training
Get used to paying attention to the little things around you. The first time will be quite difficult, but over time you will notice that your memory has become stronger and without much effort you will be able to remember what you did on Monday two weeks ago or what you ate for lunch on the Wednesday before last.
The ability to keep a large block of information in memory can rightfully be considered a very useful skill, because a good memory will help to track down a detected error and correct it.
Important
Specialized games, such as Schulte tables or classic tag, are perfect for memory training. They not only train memory, but also have a beneficial effect on reaction and attentiveness.
Promise only what can be done
Try not to waste words and always keep your word. A responsible person will never make a promise unless he feels absolutely confident that he will keep what he promised. Are you not sure that you can do what is asked of you? Then don’t try to impress your interlocutor, but say that you will try to help, but you cannot guarantee compliance with the conditions.
Some people do not consider it shameful to promise something and not fulfill it; in case of failure, they simply look for all sorts of excuses, thereby showing not only their unreliability, but also disrespect for their interlocutor.
Understand that unfulfilled obligations, first of all, negatively affect your reputation. If you continue to throw words into the wind, people will simply stop respecting you.
No excuses!
There are people for whom making excuses and finding someone to blame for their failures is the norm. The habit of shielding yourself and blaming others is obviously a path to nowhere. We must never forget that you are the master of your destiny, so even if you cannot completely change the conditions of your existence, you are quite capable of making obvious adjustments to them.
Try the auto-training technique: stand in front of the mirror every morning and say that only you are the master of your life and are fully responsible for it. Such an attitude will gradually accustom you to the fact that everything depends only on you and the efforts you put in.
Search for like-minded people
Remember how it was sung in one children’s song: “It’s fun to walk through the open spaces together.” The same can be said about the development of various personality traits. Find a like-minded person who, like you, wants to become truly responsible, and together move in the chosen direction.
When you have someone next to you who shares your goals, achieving them is much easier. You will be able to share your successes and look for ways to solve emerging problems, support each other in times of despair and compete to increase your responsibility.
This kind of “cooperation” will motivate both of you in the best way.
Commitment to action
Even if it seems to you that the whole world is against you, and the situation is hopeless, you cannot give up and despair. Often people quit what they started due to failure. With such an attitude towards difficulties, one cannot count on success at all. Do you feel bad, scared and confused? Grit your teeth, take a deep breath and rise up!
You are capable of overcoming any obstacle, and it’s up to you how quickly you do it. Remember your goals, or alternatively, hang some kind of “reminder” on the refrigerator.
In such cases, psychologists advise making a large poster on which you can express your goals using magazine clippings or simple drawings, and every time you look at it you will remember why exactly you are taking each step.
Important
Life is never simple and clear; difficulties have the ability to appear at the most unexpected moment. Meet them with your head held high and confidence in your victory and be ready to emerge victorious even from the most difficult situation.
Self-development
Self-improvement plays an important role in the development of responsibility. Take time to learn something new, you can take courses that may be in demand in everyday life. Try to read more, and we are not talking about pulp novels, but about books that belong to “useful” literature.
Important
Remember that every new day will definitely bring something new and exciting into your life. Welcome changes with joy and remember that even a bad experience is still an experience that can be very useful in the future.
Live your life
Unfortunately, very often we make two big mistakes when we try to take responsibility for other people. The first is that we neglect the free will of another person and try to impose our vision and understanding of the situation on him. This always leads to internal resistance of this person, which can manifest itself in the form of a quarrel or scandal and, as a result, a deterioration in relationships. The other problem is the opposite of the first. Many try to completely devote themselves to the life of another person, sacrificing their desires and dreams. Thus, as it were, living someone else’s life, and not your own.
By living another person's life, we miss our own. There comes a moment when we understand that the person to whom we have given ourselves is not able to appreciate it and, left without strength, we aimlessly live out the time allotted to us.
The feeling of responsibility for other people is one of the main things in our lives. And we must strive with all our might to develop it in the right direction. This will help us prioritize our lives, create harmonious relationships with other people, and learn to bear the consequences without harming ourselves.
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Personal characteristics
Some qualities of a responsible person have already been listed above. A few more are worth noting.
So, responsible people, no matter how hackneyed it may sound, are the masters of their lives. They always maintain self-confidence and a cheerful attitude. It is these two qualities that are the basis for moving forward. And they don’t wait for instructions and checks. These people immediately perform high-quality work, often still managing to help their colleagues (if we are talking about work).
A responsible person also knows how to control and manage his feelings. Nothing can interfere with their work. And such appropriate composure is one of the key qualities. While many people can meet deadlines with the proper desire, not everyone can contain the storm of emotions.
How to learn to be responsible? You need to get used to making plans and implementing them. A responsible person clearly knows what, how, when and for whom he must do. And to save valuable time, he calculates everything down to the smallest detail.
This person also often interacts with others, helping to unlock their potential. He has the power to encourage others to work. And, in the end, he does not do all this for the sake of praise. It also has its place, of course, but the most important thing is the result and quality of the work done.
