A child throws tantrums: what should parents do?

In the life of every parent, sooner or later there comes a time when he is faced with hysterics in a child. For some parents, this becomes a real problem: they do not understand what is the root cause of this child’s behavior and how to deal with it.

In this article we will try to understand the possible causes of children's tantrums, their symptoms, and also consider options for parental behavior in which the risk of children's hysterics can be reduced or even eliminated.

general characteristics

Childhood hysteria (hysterical neurosis) is a state of extreme nervous excitement, accompanied by loss of self-control and inappropriate behavior. From the outside it looks ugly and scares everyone around. Most often used consciously to achieve what you want. However, there are exceptions to this rule. Attacks can be dictated by psychological trauma or diseases of the nervous system. In such cases, the help of neurologists and psychotherapists is required.

Despite the fact that most parents know how to stop children's tantrums (ignore them), not everyone succeeds. Sometimes adults take this advice too literally and do not carry out any work at all with a child prone to such attacks. In fact, ignoring is only used in the midst of a seizure. And before and after it, it is necessary to use the techniques and techniques offered by psychologists and psychotherapists.

How does the 2 year crisis manifest itself?

The crisis of 2 years, unfortunately, manifests itself very violently. The child begins to demonstrate his dissatisfaction with every little thing, throws things and toys on the floor, and even hits his parents. The sources of scandals and screams of the baby can be (most often) minor little things.

For example, a baby may throw a water bottle on the floor because it is only half full. Or the child wants to wear warm pants or rubber boots outside, not taking into account the fact that it is hot outside. In such cases, explanations are unlikely to help. And all stories, as a rule, end in scandals.

Most parents admit that it is not the child’s reaction to refusals or tantrums out of nowhere that frightens them, but rather the reaction of the people around them. Most often, if a child throws another tantrum in a crowded and public place, he will find some “well-meaning” person who will start spouting moralizing lectures without really understanding the situation.

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But now we are not talking about strangers, and not about the bad manners of individuals. Let's return to the child. When such “ugly” behavior takes over, parents begin to go through all sorts of cases - at what stage did they miss the upbringing of their child, and how to turn back to fix everything.

But, no matter how ironic it may sound, in fact, the parents are not to blame for everything that is happening. The very reason for all this is the crisis. Its reason is that the child begins to more and more actively master the world around him. It's interesting and exciting for him. And he wants more and more independence.

But, due to his age, he will not yet be able to completely do without the help of his parents. And here comes the turning point. Do it yourself and reject the help of your parents, or accept this help, which means staying small. Of course, every child wants to grow up faster. It is this desire and desire that is inherent in this behavior of a two-year-old child. “I myself!” - the motto of this difficult period. And it is by this phrase that one can “recognize” the crisis that has begun.

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When the child was little, he happily walked into the arms of his mother or father, ate from a spoon, lay obediently and waited for him to be dressed and allowed many more manipulations to be done to him. Now the baby begins to understand that there is “he”, there is “mom” and “dad”. Also, the child learns the limits of what is permitted; in other words, he tests the waters.

During this period, it may seem to parents that the child is deliberately trying to piss them off, trying to manipulate or establish power over others. But this is far from true. The child just wanted to be a little more independent. He learns to interact with this world, which is still so frightening and mysterious, but at the same time, so interesting and fascinating.

The main task of adults during this difficult period is to be patient, not to give in to provocations, and, of course, to allow the baby to be a little independent. There are no exact dates when a child will begin this crisis. There is only an age to which this crisis is “tied” - 2 years. It starts around this time. And it continues until the baby turns 3.5 years old.

Causes

The main reason for hysteria is a clash of interests between the child and parents. With age, he develops personal preferences and desires that diverge from the requirements of adults. If you fail to achieve your goal, hysteria begins. There are several typical situations that provoke this condition. They can be caused by psychological and physiological factors.

Psychological on the part of the child:

• lack of opportunity to verbally express dissatisfaction (when one cannot yet speak);
• attracting attention that is not enough;
• an irresistible desire to achieve something;
• expression of protest;
• stubbornness;
• imitation of peers or adults;
• psychotrauma;
• weak, unbalanced type of nervous system.

Psychological from adults (parents, relatives, educators, teachers):

• overprotection, excessive severity;
• incorrect system of punishments and rewards or its absence;
• interruption of a favorite activity;
• violation of personal space;
• mistakes in education.

Physiological:

• lack of sleep;
• overwork, excessive physical or emotional stress;
• hunger;
• diseases of the nervous system;
• illness or rehabilitation period after illness.

To wean a child from hysterics, you must first understand the reasons that drive him. If these are ordinary whims (I want this, buy that), you can deal with them quickly and easily. If the education system is to blame, it needs to be reviewed and radically changed, otherwise there will be no progress. It will be much more difficult and longer to work if psychosomatics or health problems are to blame. In this case, a course of treatment from a neurologist or psychotherapist is inevitable.

Children's tantrums and attention shifts

— How to explain to your daughter that sweets are not allowed? She has allergies. We explain to her, we say that her tummy will hurt, but she still screams and demands.

- How old is your daughter?

- Two and a half.

- Why not just remove sweets from the house? There will be no temptation - there will be no tearful demands.

— My husband can’t live without sweets. He is ready to give up sweets, but he needs cookies and waffles at home. Yes, I love them too.

I vividly imagined the picture: a little girl in tears watches her dad shove one waffle after another into his mouth. In general, it’s strange that the adults themselves are not ready to give up, but for some reason they expect that their two-year-old daughter will easily give up sweets.

You can, of course, continue to explain to the child that she can’t have sweets, but mom and dad can. Sooner or later she will accept this fact. This is if you have the strength to withstand her crying. Or you can simply not provoke. Eating waffles when my daughter is sleeping, for example.

the “Switching Attention” technique in this situation . Offer an allowed treat instead of a prohibited waffle. It will work if the product is truly perceived by the child as a treat, if it appears suddenly, as a pleasant surprise, and if “Mmm, how lucky are you, but dad can’t do that.”

“Switching attention” is especially effective when used with children. The smaller the child, the more effective the technique. We show the child a new bright stimulus, promise another, more interesting activity, distracting him from what cannot be taken. With age, attention becomes more and more stable, and accordingly, it becomes more and more difficult to switch.

In order to always have something to shift attention to, it would be good to have a supply of “anti-crisis toys” to which the child does not have access. These can be small toys with a winding mechanism. A toy that moves itself easily attracts attention.

When I was working as a teacher, I usually took soap bubbles and inflatable balls for a walk in kindergarten. For some reason it always worked. In a situation where there are ten scoops for twenty children, the cry “I want this scoop, but he won’t give it to me” is almost inevitable. But it was worth saying “Look what I have!” and start blowing bubbles, several scoops that no one needed immediately formed.

Signs

Each hysterical child behaves differently during an attack. Someone might just stomp their feet and yell loudly. Others start rolling on the floor. But the most dangerous are those who, by splashing out negativity and aggression, cause damage to themselves and others. Parents need to know how this happens to their baby. This will allow you to take the necessary security measures in a timely manner.

Before hysterics, many seem to “prepare” for the upcoming performance. If you manage to catch this moment, you can prevent an attack. This is signaled by special harbingers:

• slight whimpering;
• snuffling, puffing, grumbling;
• pursed or trembling lips (someone sticks out their lower lip offended);
• a frowning glance from under his brows at the one on whom the satisfaction of desire depends;
• eyes full of tears;
• closed pose (arms clasped in front of you);
• methodically rocking the body (sitting on a chair or just standing);
• nervous, sudden movements;
• red face.

Precursors are not always demonstrated - attacks often begin unexpectedly and abruptly. What does a child usually do when hysterical?

• cries;
• screams loudly until hoarse;
• swings legs and arms;
• stomps, jumps;
• scatters objects;
• breathing heavily, intermittently;
• coughs forcefully and for a long time;
• scratches, bites himself and others;
• hits and pushes those who are nearby;
• bangs his head against the wall;
• is unable to adequately respond to what is said and communicate;
• rolls on the floor;
• lying on the floor, arches his back - the so-called “hysterical bridge” pose, which is involuntary convulsions.

At the same time, he can shout the most offensive things for the person at whom his hysteria is directed: “go away,” “you are bad,” “I don’t love you anymore,” “I hate you.”

At this moment, the child experiences several powerful emotions at once:

• anger, rage, anger, indignation;
• irritation, dissatisfaction;
• aggression;
• despair, bitter disappointment;
• offense.

This is a state of passion during which it is impossible to restrain emotions and control behavior and motor skills. Therefore, even with self-harm (when he hits his head against the wall, bites and scratches himself), the pain is practically not felt.

Watching all this is quite scary. Therefore, adults who witness such scenes should know how to properly respond to a child’s tantrums.

What should parents do during a 2-year-old crisis?

How should parents behave in those moments when the baby begins to become hysterical? And in general – how to behave during this difficult period??? The best way is for parents to provide more independence than before. Allow him too much (unless, of course, it threatens the baby’s safety). And also two rules:

Don't give your child all the toys at once

You should not give your child access to all toys at once. The fact is that the child will very quickly lose interest in them. If there are really a lot of toys, then you need to put some of the toys in a box and hide it for a while. After a couple of months, you should take the toys out of the box. And put in the box the toys the child has been playing with these months.

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Create activities and entertainment for your child. It happens that tantrums that arise out of the blue are the result of the fact that the child is... simply bored! Due to his age, the child cannot always come up with some kind of game or find entertainment. When playing, you should abandon boring moralizing and give your child complete freedom, of course, within the framework of permissiveness.

Become a child's partner

You always need to be ready to help your baby. After all, now a child is nothing more than a generator of new ideas. And very often it happens that he himself is not able to carry out his idea due to limited physical capabilities. In such cases, it is not possible to help the child and mom or dad should come.

But it is also important to remember the motto of this wonderful age: “I myself!” This means that in order for a child to continue to want to play with adults, it is very important to know the line where the child should be helped and where the child should be allowed to be independent for a little while. For example, you can bring a jar of water to the flowerbed to your mother. But the child will be able to water the flower from this jar on his own.

!!!Important!!! It should be remembered that the child has not yet learned to correctly express his negative emotions. It is faster for him to show his dissatisfaction in this way than to explain to his parents what exactly caused the storm of indignation.

If a child wants to play with his parents, then he should be given this opportunity. And also refrain from comments like “Well, just 10 minutes, and then you can do it yourself!” Then the baby will not be able to fully devote himself to the game, but will wait for when this time will end. Here you should just relax and enjoy playing with your child. And in the end, let him get such pleasure from the fact that he himself finished the game.

What to do

The instructions include several steps.

Interception attempt

To avoid hysteria, you need to:

1. Study the precursors (they are individual for everyone).
2. Be able to recognize an approaching attack in advance.
3. Urgently distract, switch attention to something exciting, interesting.

As distractions, you can use bright books, favorite toys, pets, watching what is happening on the street, looking for goodies in the kitchen, etc. Parents know their baby better and should be aware of what might really interest him. The technique is effective only if the hysteria has not yet begun. It is useless to use it during an attack.

Problem Identification

When the child calms down, it is necessary to find out the cause of his disorder and, having clearly formulated, talk about the problem that has arisen. For example: “You’re angry because I didn’t buy you a doll,” “You’re offended because you weren’t allowed to go out for a walk yet.” First, it will allow him to realize what happened. Secondly, it will teach you to talk about your own feelings.

After this, an explanatory conversation is held about why he did not get what he wanted: “We agreed that we would buy a doll for his birthday,” “We still need to have dinner, wash and play - we wouldn’t have time to do all this if we stayed for a walk.”

Such open, confidential conversations bring children closer to their parents, contribute to the establishment of closer contact, teach them to think logically and be aware of the presence of limiting boundaries that cannot be crossed under any circumstances.

Not everything will work out the first time - at first the child will argue and defend his rights, but gradually realizes the futility of such rebellions and his own wrongness.

Keeping Calm

If you couldn’t prevent the approaching thunderstorm, you can try to stop your child’s hysteria by following these instructions:

1. Do not prove anything to him, do not explain, do not educate him, since at this moment he is not able to adequately perceive speech and communicate normally.
2. Do not raise your voice under any circumstances.
3. Do not use physical force: pulling the arm, shaking, slapping the butt, slapping the head - this will only worsen the situation.
4. Do not regret, do not panic that he is in pain (due to the lack of motor control, pain is not felt).

While remaining calm, you need to lean towards the child or sit down in front of him so that your eyes are at his level (in no case should you communicate from top to bottom while hanging over him). In an even, peaceful voice, quietly say the key phrase: “I understand that you are offended, but you can’t behave like that.” She kills several birds with one stone:

• you show him your involvement: you understand him;
• you formulate the problem, helping him to realize his own emotion (resentment);
• remind you of the rules of behavior that should already be instilled.

The peaceful tone of voice and emotional equanimity of an adult should also have a calming effect. If you manage to capture attention, a hug and a kiss on the cheek will help you finally cope with a child’s hysteria. If educational measures were taken before, such actions on the part of an adult will be enough to stop the attack. But what to do if you couldn’t stop it?

Ignoring

If the hysteria continues despite all your actions, the only correct way out of the current situation is to ignore it. This is the most difficult thing for parents. After all, it seems to them that:

• The child is about to have a heart attack, he is screaming so hard;
• he will break and scratch his head and hands until they bleed;
• everyone looks at him and judges him;
• it will never end.

These thoughts need to be discarded. It’s easy to cope with such a panicky mood if you make sure once that a child’s hysteria does not lead to serious consequences (a heart attack or a concussion). Abrasions on the arms and forehead will go away quickly. As for those around you, if everything happens in a public place, think about the fact that you are seeing all these people for the first and last time, so their opinion does not matter. If there is someone you know among them, you can quietly apologize to him. An adequate person will understand that this happens to many people in childhood.

As soon as the child understands that the hysteria had no effect and the adult remained indifferent, he will stop screaming and hitting the floor. When a means to achieve a goal turns out to be useless, he needs to look for a replacement, which he will do, thinking over a new plan.

Attention! The behavior of an adult requires adjustment if the hysteria occurred in a public place where:

• a huge number of people, a tightly packed crowd (in public transport, for example);
• there are old people, disabled people, other small children, pregnant women next to you;
• silence is required (at a performance).

You need to understand that in such situations the child interferes with others and may even accidentally harm them (kick, bite, hit, scratch). The adult’s task is to prevent this from happening and take him away or urgently distract him. The most effective maneuver is the effect of a sudden switch of attention: “Wow! Look who's flying in the sky! Over there! Don't you see? Don’t know who it is?”, “Oh, where did your scarf go? I definitely remember you wearing it! Where could he have disappeared to? You know?". But keep in mind: every time you need to come up with something new. Children are unlikely to fall for the same trick twice.

Summarizing

After the hysteria ends, you should not immediately start scolding the child, educating him, or expressing your displeasure. You need to wait some time. At the same time, try to pay minimal attention to it. But don’t ignore if he asks something and tries, as they say, to build bridges. Be sure to answer, but in monosyllables, reluctantly, demonstrating with your appearance that you are unhappy with what happened.

Psychologists recommend waiting a pause of 15 minutes after a hysteria. If it drags on, it will be useless to talk: short-term memory is responsible for children’s emotions, so 20-30 minutes after the incident they may not remember why it happened and what exactly they are to blame for. It also makes no sense to start a conversation earlier, since the resentment and dissatisfaction will still be too fresh and everything could happen again.

First, the problem is identified and formulated: “You are offended / angry / upset because...”. This technique was described in detail above for stopping hysteria at the initial stage.

After this, it is necessary to draw the child’s attention to the consequences of the hysteria he threw:

• “Look: you scratched your hands / hurt your forehead.”
• “You really scared the girl who was standing next to you.”
• "You made me sad".
• “What you did is bad - you can’t behave like that, you and I have already talked about this. Therefore, you will have to be punished."

He must understand that this cannot be done. Don’t be afraid to punish for tantrums - the carrot and stick system gives its results in education. Of course, this should not be physical violence or deprivation of a walk (= fresh air). What is allowed:

• place for 5-7 minutes (depending on age) in a corner;
• leave him alone for a while to think about his behavior (if there are adults in adjacent rooms);
• deprive of sweets;
• replace your phone (tablet/TV) with a book with an instructive tale;
• go to bed earlier.

If a child learns exactly why he is being punished, believe me, next time he will think carefully before throwing another tantrum.

Temperament and its influence on tantrums in children

There are several types of temperament, each with its own set of characteristics that determine the pattern of behavior. Using them, it is not difficult to find out what type of child’s nervous system is and, based on this, reduce the amount of stress in his life and help him adapt more easily to life situations.

Let's talk about the main types of nervous systems and how parents can avoid tantrums in children.

1) With a strong balanced mobile (sanguine) type of nervous system, strong processes of excitation and inhibition are well balanced. Such a child is usually in a good mood, gets along well with other children, adapts to different situations, and resolves conflicts easily and quickly. Lively, often changing impressions and activities, not keeping promises, easily trained, he rarely creates problems and gets angry, almost never gets nervous - only in very serious situations. But with systematic violations of the regime, such a baby can behave like a child with a weak type of nervous system. To bring him back into balance, it is important to maintain a daily routine, avoid crowded places and noisy games for a while, and offer him some new activity or hobby.

2) When strong excitation processes prevail over inhibition processes, we are talking about a strong unbalanced mobile type of the nervous system. This is a choleric person - a very sensitive and nervous child: he does not sleep for a long time, wakes up from every rustle, is noisy, impetuous, with sudden mood swings, quickly becomes exhausted, loves to be the leader and the center of attention. When a mistake is pointed out to him, he begins to get angry and scream. If this tactic works, parents need to be prepared for the fact that this method of achieving what they want will become entrenched as the main model of negotiations, and tantrums and scandals will become a way of life.

2.1. To prevent this from happening, a child with a choleric type of nervous system must be raised and taught patiently, unobtrusively and calmly - he will happily imitate adults in demonstrating restraint.

2.2. In this case, it is important for the parent to learn to recognize the moment when the child stops listening and begins to engage in confrontation, and immediately change the topic. From time to time it is necessary to tell him that his behavior is not always correct and acceptable.

3) With a strong balanced inert type of nervous system, which is otherwise called “phlegmatic”, strong inhibition processes are balanced with excitation processes with mutual inactivity. In this case, the child quickly falls asleep, eats well and gains weight; Such children are quiet, slow, calm, reasonable, and have difficulty switching to another activity. They are good friends and they themselves know how to value friendship, they are persistent and persistent, they always finish what they start, they are afraid of other people’s mood swings, they like solitude, when no one distracts them from a game, a book or thoughts. Phlegmatic people refrain from showing emotions, which makes it difficult to understand their true mood.

It makes sense for parents to teach such a child to overcome internal inertia, to involve him more often in noisy and active activities and games, not to rush to do everything for the child (because it is faster) and not to scold him for slowness: before starting any activity, he needs to collect his thoughts and understand what is required of him.

4) A weak, unbalanced, inert type of nervous system, which is also known as “melancholic”, is characterized by weakness in the processes of excitation and inhibition. A melancholic child is very impressionable, vulnerable, self-absorbed and withdrawn, uncommunicative, anxious, prone to fears, avoids conflicts, cannot tolerate changes in life, has an unstable appetite and sleep problems. Despite low self-esteem, he knows how to adequately analyze feelings and emotions. When hysterical, he does not fly into a rage and does not scream, but whines for a long time until they pay attention to him. In a situation of stress, the nervous system of this type will be paralyzed, the child will lose control of himself and is capable of unpredictable reactions.

A baby with a weak, unbalanced, inert type of nervous system needs regular rest breaks, and it is very important to involve him in household chores, turn to him for help more often (likes to be useful) and invite him into conversations with household members. In order not to provoke hysterics in such a child, it is better for parents to avoid noisy places and activities, as well as sudden changes in the baby’s life.

Phlegmatic and choleric children are more prone than others to severe hysterics, and the former, due to the inertia of the nervous system, will take a long time to mature for anger, but when they reach the boiling point, they will surpass even more energetic choleric people in the strength of their reaction.

Age characteristics

The most striking hysterics occur at 2-3 years, when the child is still learning to behave, assimilates behavioral norms, tries to assert himself and become independent. However, it is at this age that, with the correct attitude of adults, they quickly stop and do not return (only in extreme cases, under the influence of severe stress). It is much more difficult to cope if they appear later.

2 years

The age when the first real hysterics begin. If before the baby could simply cry, now he does it with defiance and trying to identify the problem. Therefore, it usually all starts with the words: “give, let, buy, want, leave, I won’t...”. He already understands the meaning of the words “no” and “impossible” and tries to protest against them. The speech apparatus is still too poorly developed, so the persuasive power of the word is not available, and with such attacks he tries to convey his desires to adults.

Parents are strictly prohibited from:

• rush to immediately satisfy all his demands, just to stop the hysteria - he will grow up capricious and spoiled;
• screaming and hitting - fear will appear, complexes will develop, or, even worse, physical violence will lead to psychological trauma.

You need to hug the baby, show him your love that you are nearby, ask him to calm down, or simply distract his attention. Usually, such techniques work at 2 years of age. If it doesn’t work, start ignoring it. Next, indicate your dissatisfaction and say that this cannot be done. As a rule, after 5-6 hysterics, when their uselessness is realized, everything ends.

Parents should be wary if, even after all this work, their two-year-old child is constantly hysterical. Most likely, these are no longer just whims, but something psychosomatic. Perhaps he is overtired or feels some kind of discomfort. Review your daily routine and nutrition. Maybe this is how the stress on the kindergarten is expressed. If necessary, undergo a medical examination.

3 years

In psychology there is the concept of “three-year crisis.” The clash of interests between “fathers and sons” is reaching its peak. It seems to him that he is already an adult, he can do everything himself. But he constantly comes across a system of restrictions (you can’t have a lot of ice cream, you can’t sit for a long time at a tablet, you can’t walk through puddles) and the desire of your parents to help with everything (tie your shoelaces, get dressed, make the bed, pour tea). A pronounced protest against all these rules and guardianship begins. Even previously obedient children begin to throw tantrums. Age-related features of attacks:

• The reason can be absolutely any, even the most insignificant situation (mom straightened her shirt collar);
• often parents don’t even understand why it all started;
• up to 10 attacks occur per day;
• the most striking, frightening manifestations of adults.

Parents must understand that a 3-year-old child should have partial independence and the right to choose in some situations (which toy to go to bed with, which shorts to wear). If he hears several times a day how independent and mature he is, he will no longer need to assert himself. The blip in the subconscious will be eliminated - and the hysterics will stop.

4 years

At this age, whims become more conscious and purposeful. In most cases, they are dictated by an incorrect education system. Children 4 years old are smart and observant. Does your mother forbid you to do something? Then you need to achieve this from your grandmother, who will allow her beloved grandson everything, as long as he does not bang his head against the wall. In such cases, it is necessary for all relatives to gather and once again discuss the lists of permitted and taboo items.

Sometimes it happens that a child usually behaves well, understands prohibitions and the word “no”, does not go beyond what is permitted, but from time to time he still throws tantrums for the most insignificant reasons (sometimes even without them). At the same time, he himself cannot clearly formulate his requirements. In most cases, this indicates psychosomatic disorders that require the intervention of a neurologist.

If the disease is not identified, the cause must be sought in relationships with adults. Perhaps he has a conflict with his stepfather or teacher. Family problems cannot be discounted: divorce, constant quarrels between parents, etc. Psychotrauma often manifests itself through hysteria. In these cases, it is necessary to make an appointment with a psychotherapist.

5-6 years

At 5 years old, according to psychologists, the second age crisis occurs. Not as powerful as at 3 years old, but sometimes manifested quite clearly. It is characterized by:

• isolation (stops sharing secrets, increasingly wants to be alone, locks himself in his room);
• self-doubt, fears, phobias, panic attacks;
• mood swings, the appearance of irritability, sudden attacks of aggression and anger (most often causeless);
• tearfulness;
• blindly copying parents, simulating life situations;
• standing up for your rights.

All these factors can become fertile ground for hysteria. Sometimes literally little things are enough to cause an attack. Maybe someone came into the room when they wanted to be alone. Or he behaved like his parents (said a bad word), and he was punished for it. Often ordinary tears develop into a seizure.

According to psychologists, tantrums at 5 years old are in most cases dictated by a lack of parental love and attention. Look at your family from the outside: do you spend all day at work, do you have dinners together, how often do you go out together? To prevent this from happening again, it’s enough to carve out time for your child in your busy schedule.

As for the attacks themselves, self-harm can no longer be left unattended, as in 2-4 years, because it can result in serious injuries. It is urgent to pick up the child from the floor, move him away from the wall, holding him tightly by the hands, and take him somewhere quiet. At the same time, there is no need to babysit (he is already big enough for this) and try to explain something. Wait until he calms down and then have a conversation.

Psychologists advise that if you have constant hysterics at the age of 5-6 years, make an appointment with a psychotherapist.

7 years

Tantrums at 7 years old are most often situational in nature. The first situation that provokes an attack is the need to attend school. The child is faced with a bunch of rules, requirements and restrictions: he has to do his homework, sit still for 40 minutes, follow the bell schedule, listen to the teachers. At the same time, your social circle changes, classmates, new acquaintances, and friends appear. The causes of hysteria are usually:

• basic fatigue;
• emotional stress;
• the authoritarian nature of the teacher’s teaching, if the parents raised the child at home in a calm and gentle manner;
• uncomfortable environment and poor discipline in the classroom, when everyone around is screaming and fighting;
• blindly copying one of your classmates if he threw a tantrum at school.

In this case, you just need to talk with the teacher and school psychologist. They will help resolve the current situation. If the tantrums continue and you are sure that the school is to blame, you should think about changing it.

The second situation that provokes an attack is the family situation. By this time, relations between parents may deteriorate (no one has canceled family crises), or another child appears, or someone dies. The causes of hysteria are:

• open conflicts between parents, quarrels in a raised voice;
• drunkenness, assault, fights;
• jealousy of the younger child, lack of attention and love;
• psychotrauma due to the death of someone close.

In this case, it is strongly recommended to make an appointment with a family therapist.

8-9 years

If hysterics began at such a late age, this is an alarming signal. He has already formed attitudes and rules of behavior: what is possible and what is not. Surely he will not demand a toy in the store in this way. Adaptation to school also ends by this period. The reason most often becomes some kind of psychotraumatic situation: conflict with peers, problems in mastering a subject, nervous breakdown, exhaustion, injustice.

At 8-9 years old, a child already knows how to control his emotions, so experts in such cases abandon the term “hysteria” and talk about a clinical diagnosis - hysterical neurosis. If attacks occur more than 2 times in a short period of time, you must immediately go to a psychotherapist or neurologist.

conclusions

Every parent experiences their child's tantrums. In some children they occur more often, in others less often. The peak of hysterics usually occurs in early and early preschool age (1-3 years), older preschoolers are already sufficiently able to control their emotions. At the moment of hysteria, be close to the baby, help him understand his feelings, analyze the situation together and find out the cause of the hysteria. By including your baby in a dialogue with yourself, you prevent a further increase in emotional tension. Only after this is it necessary to express your position and explain to the child why in this case you are making this or that decision.

When to see a specialist

Parents do not always successfully cope with children's tantrums, even if they do everything right. This occurs in cases where attacks are dictated by persistent disturbances in the functioning of the nervous system or psychological trauma. They require the mandatory intervention of specialized specialists - a psychotherapist or neurologist. What signals indicate the need for such a step? If hysterics:

• continue despite all the measures taken by adults, which turn out to be ineffective;
• arranged daily;
• characterized by excessive, uncontrolled aggression, directed at everyone indiscriminately who happens to be nearby;
• accompanied by loss of consciousness, respiratory arrest, shortness of breath, vomiting;
• get a job after 4 years;
• last more than 20 minutes;
• occur at night, accompanied by nightmares and panic attacks;
• end in serious injury and damage to oneself and others.

Night hysterics are considered especially dangerous, requiring immediate intervention from a specialist. Parents should also be wary if, after the attack ends, the child remains in a state of complete apathy for some time, lies down, does not react to anything, is pale and lethargic. This can last 1.5 hours or more.

When are tantrums good?

It’s hard to believe, but tantrums also have a positive component, both for the child and the parent:

1. With the help of hysterics, including tears, the child gets rid of tension and stress.
2. The release of suppressed emotions during a hysteria helps to normalize the emotional state and sleep.
3. If a child shows you his feelings openly (through a tantrum), this indicates some kind of trust between you.
4. Through hysterics, a child learns to probe the boundaries of what is permitted.
5. After the hysteria ends (if the adult does not try to stop it), the child “reads” the parent’s unconditional acceptance and subsequently begins to feel more trust in him.

Additional recommendations

If a child is hysterical, this is the first signal to parents to change their attitude towards him, their education system and their daily routine. What measures will help:

1. Maintaining a daily routine.
2. Ensuring proper, healthy nutrition in an age-appropriate manner.
3. Sports activities.
4. Adequate rest without overwork.
5. Respectful attitude starting from a very young age.
6. Allocating sufficient time for games, walks, leisure, and favorite activities.
7. Allows you to show independence (in extreme cases, you can then re-tie your shoelaces and wash the plate).
8. Provide the right to choose (wear a yellow or blue T-shirt, go for a walk with your mother or grandmother).
9. Organize a calm atmosphere before bed (if he falls asleep hysterically).

Do not deviate from the education system. Among all adults in the family, its main points must be agreed upon. If it is not allowed to sit in front of the TV after ten in the evening, then neither grandparents nor anyone else should violate this rule. The moments at which a child is deprived of the right to choose should be:

• clearly and correctly formulated: it is advisable to avoid the words “must” and “impossible” - they act like a red rag on a bull, but the pronoun “we” is welcome;
• voiced;
• pronounced in a firm voice that does not tolerate argument, but not rudely or harshly;
• constant: they must be regularly repeated in the same wording every time the corresponding situation arises.

For example: “We’re eating porridge,” “Let’s go home,” “We’ll buy it next time,” etc. Every time a child hears such phrases, he will form behavioral patterns that parents need. He must understand that at such moments it is useless to argue and hysteria. This idea needs to be instilled in him constantly. At first, of course, he will protest, but soon he will learn the rules and will treat restrictions, rules and requirements more calmly.

If the tantrums don't go away

If tantrums are repeated regularly in a child, continue after he reaches the age of 4 years, are overly emotionally charged, have serious consequences (loss of consciousness, harm to himself and others), are accompanied by sleep disturbances, appetite, aggression, bad mood, parents may need to consult a neurologist.

• In any case, if the baby is prone to hysterics (due to temperament), a gentle daily routine, adequate sleep, balanced nutrition, reasonable physical and intellectual activity in terms of load and duration during the day, quiet games in the evening, friendly, but with clear boundaries of permissible attitude with other family members, the correct tactics for parents to behave during a hysteria is the minimum set of educational measures that will help restore calm in the house.
• If children's tantrums have become the norm for your family, then there is no shortage of viewers. Whether a child seeks your attention through bad or good behavior is not important, the main thing is that he gets what he wants: the presence of parents, their active emotional involvement, and sometimes bonuses in the form of material incentives.
• You should never give in to your child’s persuasion, bribery, or attempts to pity you, otherwise you will reinforce in him the behavior that you are trying to resist. If at the peak of hysteria your nerves can’t stand it and you agree to meet your child’s entreaties, then you are sending an unambiguous signal that he managed to find an effective tactic that allows him to get what he wants.
• To avoid becoming an object of manipulation by your child, do not pay attention to those actions and reactions that you find undesirable. Praise often for the best performances and ignore the worst ones. Over time, your baby will understand what behavior you expect from him.
• If the level of physical, emotional and intellectual stress is so great that the child loses control of himself due to fatigue, it is necessary to seriously reconsider the lifestyle and daily routine in order to bring it into line with the age and psychological needs of your baby.

Remember: hysteria is not a manifestation of a child’s bad temper, which you will have to endure for the rest of your life. This is a symptom of an underlying problem, and you can solve it if you show compassion, patience and understanding of your baby's feelings. Your reward will be a warm, sincere and trusting relationship with your own child, and raising him will be an exciting joint journey from childhood to the adult world.

Recommendations for preventing hysterics from experts

1. Create a clear daily routine, stick to it every day and with the whole family, repeating actions in a certain order. If changes are planned in the daily routine, they should not be spontaneous for the child; the child should be told about this. This will prepare him for the changes.
2. A separate point about sleep. There should be enough time for it, and there must be a day’s rest.
3. Develop a clear system of rules, restrictions and prohibitions that applies to the child regardless of what day it is, where and with which family member he is.
4. Do not overload the child’s nervous system, try not to saturate his day with too many bright emotions and impressions - a little of each good thing.
5. Talk to your doctor about special magnesium and vitamin C supplements for children (usually in gummy form). Magnesium will help strengthen the baby's nervous system. Consultation with a specialist in this matter is required.
6. If you see that the child's indignation is already close, try to distract him to avoid hysterics.