How to stop being boring if you're tired of always being in the shadows

“I'm boring (I'm boring). It's not interesting to talk to me. People don't listen to me. When I get into any society, I feel uncomfortable and out of place. I never know what to talk about. Because of this, I try to leave the house less and appear in society less often. Little by little the friends all dissolved... What to do, what to do? I’m not an interesting conversationalist, and they even say I’m a bore.”

If this sounds like you, read the entire article. We'll figure out why you're boring. What are the deep psychological mechanisms of boredom and ennui? What to do to make people interested in talking to you.

Add new facets to your personality

It is generally accepted that boring people have a narrow outlook. They are meticulous, pragmatic, and rarely agree to adventures and activities. Because of communication problems, they constantly worry and think: “People are bored with me, what should I do? How to behave? And at this moment another problem begins - they learn jokes, try to be “in trend,” but it turns out ridiculous, and everything only gets worse.

I recommend that you first become more interesting to yourself, broaden your horizons, gain new experience and knowledge. It's an organic way to stop being boring. Here are some ideas:

Read. This can be any literature that interests you. Classic novels, fantasy, plays, poetry. A well-read person is always more pleasant than someone who has seen nothing except posts on social networks.
Travel. Traveling around the world is wonderful, but even a trip to another city is enough for positive impressions. New experiences will be an excellent basis for an interesting conversation.
Find a hobby. Your hobby will help you meet new acquaintances and also provide an additional topic for conversation. People who are passionate about something seem more charming to us and create the impression of a deep personality.
Visit unfamiliar places. Restaurants, social events, exhibitions, concerts - all of these will expand your worldview and develop you. No matter how much you love a certain dish in a certain place, don't pass up the chance to try something unusual.

The more new things you learn, the more things you will have to talk about. But boring people, due to their meager life experience, tell the same thing over and over again, fixating on one subject, which makes the interlocutor yawn.

How to become an interesting person and personality

To become and remain an interesting person and person is to forever get away from the self-perception “I’m boring, I’m boring.” For this:

Look at life until you fall in love with it.
If you want to become an interesting person, get interested!

How? Yes, anything from everything that surrounds you. Look, look around with interest.

Shift your focus from the problem “I am boring and I need the approval of others” to Life.

Once you start to take a closer look at everything that the world is filled with, it will seem to you that even nine lives are not enough to study everything. There are so many interesting and fascinating things in the world.

Remember when you were a little child. How amazing the world around me seemed. Simple puddles were a different story - deep in the summer, frozen in the mornings in the fall. Each subject was studied, looked at from all sides, and seemed to be something special.

And, now that you have grown up, you are surrounded by more complex and more interesting things.

History, politics, music, literature, art in general, new knowledge and skills.

Doing is not redoing, reading is not re-reading.

If until now you have been sitting, bored and telling yourself “I am boring (boring) and uninteresting,” then the time has come to become an interesting person and personality. If you want to be interesting, kindle your interest in life and its manifestations.

Don’t be afraid to leave your usual swamp – your comfort zone. Even if you are scared and reluctant, get up and go. Yes, at first it will be unusual and uncomfortable. But then you will be grateful to yourself for being able to raise yourself and go into the New.

Spend less time on your phone

This is a small addition to the tips above. University of Massachusetts professor Sherry Turkle, in her new book, cites a survey: 89% of Americans were distracted by their phone during a conversation in person, 82% confirmed that this ruined the conversation with the person.

An interlocutor who often hangs out on a smartphone, scrolls through the news feed of social networks in the presence of people, or watches some videos will never become the life of the party. He will be considered a boring and limited person. So don't make this mistake.

Professional growth is a consequence of a developing personality

Depressed clients visit psychologists when they think they have a boring job, what to do in this case? The answer is simpler than they think - it’s worth changing the place of your usual location. Deceived by their desires, even in their youth, teenagers place bets on their chosen specialization at an institute, technical school or any other educational institution. The problem lies in unformed views, immaturity of character, lack of experience, which entails the wrong choice of a profession in which it is quite possible to grow into a respectable employee, but at the same time you can actually become unhappy. According to deplorable statistics, 70-80% of people go to jobs they don’t like every day; naturally, most of them are not satisfied with their field of activity and do not achieve any results. Being happy is a multifaceted concept, everyone has their own happiness, but the priority is to find yourself, to find out what you really like. It’s never too late to know yourself, to realize yourself in other areas of life, perhaps your calling is to make children happy, organize special events, and meanwhile you are sitting in the office over dreary documents.

Think positively

You will become more cheerful and attractive if you learn to drive away negative thoughts. Therefore, stop complaining about life and worrying about trifles. Constant negativity in communication pushes others away. If you complain about your family, work, or troubles in your personal life, no one will want to communicate with you.

Of course, you have a need to express your feelings - this is normal. But they need to be shared with close friends and in measured quantities, allowing the person to develop the topic and speak out too. It is very important to conduct a dialogue, and not the eternal monologue of a pessimist.

Basic specialist help

Before radically changing your lifestyle, psychologists advise performing an internal introspection, sorting out your desires and preferences, and understanding for yourself what kind of person you are. Subconsciously ask the question: “Why am I boring? Why can’t I be happy with myself in everyday life?” Another misconception is that girls believe that the root of evil lies in their lack of interest, which can manifest itself in awkward, incorrect opinions in communication with others. Self-criticism is useful, but in limited quantities; you shouldn’t flirt with it; tormenting the body with negative thoughts is fraught with long-term illnesses, both psychological and physical. Take yourself apart, not literally, of course, open up your possibilities. Remember that your “boringness” lies precisely in your hidden character; you are afraid to express yourself, to speak out, in order to avoid human condemnation. It is important to understand that you will not be crippled for your opinion and that your opinion has a well-deserved place in this world.

Adjust your behavior and phrases

A boring person can be easily identified by his conversation and behavior - he behaves lazily. Briefly answers questions with phrases such as “I don’t know”, “Probably”, “Perhaps”, and also repeats the words of the interlocutor, pouring from empty to empty. He has poor gestures and facial expressions, and predictable reactions. This is why you want to end the conversation quickly; the interlocutor gets the feeling that he is wasting his time.

So try to express your emotions openly. Talk about them. Add gestures and facial expressions to appear more active. Develop your thoughts in dialogue, not limiting yourself to monosyllabic answers.

I advise you to take a public speaking course or take a singing class. This way you will learn to better control your voice and use intonation correctly. Speech will become more vivid, which attracts others, as opposed to monotonous slow stories.

What is boredom?

Boredom is a negative emotion characterized by a lack of interest in the environment.

How to understand that you are bored? Here are the main signs:

I don’t want anything;
habitual activities do not bring pleasure;
awareness of this causes discomfort;
the general background of mood is reduced;
time seems to pass very slowly;
life seems monotonous and joyless;
irritability and anxiety appeared;
all this happens for no obvious reason.

A bored person is looking for ways to “kill time.” Computer games, frequent smoking breaks, drinking alcohol, and binge-watching movies are used.

3 important steps

which every woman should go through

Anika Snagovskaya

Author and presenter of women's trainings on harmonizing feminine energy. Master of removing limiting beliefs and master of constellations.

I have prepared three lessons for you that will help you better understand yourself, remove the restrictions that prevent you from feeling loved and living happily.

Video lesson with meditation: 5 states of femininity

You will learn about 5 female states that exist in every woman, how they manifest themselves and which archetypes are most manifested in you and which are not developed.

Video lesson + meditation: How to let go of past relationships

I’ll tell you what you need to do to free your heart from old feelings and break the energy threads connecting you with your past partner.

Audio recording: Neuro-af

Thanks to this neuro-affirmation, you can regain self-love and feel sincere gratitude and happiness for every day.

Top 3 useful materials that will help you know yourself better

And start a new, happy life for yourself.

Video lesson with meditation: 5 states of femininity

Video lesson + meditation: How to let go of past relationships

Audio recording: Neuro-af

Take your gifts!

A bored character literally counts the minutes from one obligatory program item to another: “We need to sit for another half an hour and we can go to bed.”

Learn to be yourself in society

What distinguishes boring people is that they think a lot about the impression they make. Paradoxically, the more you are afraid of seeming stupid or uninteresting, the faster this will come true. Because you feel squeezed.

Don't be afraid to be yourself and show your true self. Feel free to talk about your interests, don’t adapt to others like a chameleon, otherwise you won’t be noticed. Be sure to share your personal opinion when discussing something in the company. But don’t pull the blanket over yourself - be respectful of the other person’s opinion, even if you don’t agree with him. To become less boring, it is important to embrace the diversity of people.

I do not recommend that you watch famous personalities whom you find interesting and adopt their qualities. Because you have your own unique flavor. Just develop a personality to stand out from the crowd and you will stop seeming boring.

I'm not interesting - why do I feel this way?

“I'm not an interesting conversationalist. Uninteresting guy to girls. Not interesting to other people. No one is interested in me as a person.”

This self-awareness of oneself as an uninteresting, boring, flawed person - where does it come from?

Let's trace the components of this phenomenon

Own self-esteem

If we try to dig deeper into your soul, we will see a little person there, a child. Who really lacks a sense of self-worth.

But adequate, healthy self-esteem will always be the basis for any communication with other people.

Non-recognition, disapproval by society

Every person has a very important need - recognition and approval. This need is not only socially conditioned. It is even biologically important. Because, you see, for a person to simply survive in society, he needs the society in which he is located to approve of him.

And this desire for approval by society dates back to ancient times, when people still lived in autonomous tribes. If you are not approved by your tribe, if you behave in some way incorrectly, then the pack will expel you. And then you are doomed to death.

Lack of family recognition and approval

Plus, the need for approval and recognition from the person (mother, most often) on whom your survival depends in early childhood.

All three of the above ingredients for feeling bored and uninteresting are interconnected. How?

Here's how: there is one very interesting phenomenon. It's called the "mirror effect". The people around us unconsciously read our own self-esteem and return to us exactly the attitude that will be equal to our deep inner sense of self.

And, it turns out. Deep down, we consider ourselves a boring, uninteresting person with whom there is nothing to talk about. We ourselves recognize ourselves as flawed, bad, unimportant. And, at the same time, we urgently need people, especially close ones, to approve of us.

An internal conflict arises. The knot is tightened.

Master the art of conversation

To avoid being a boring person, you need to learn how to hold the other person's attention. Use these tricks:

Smile - this will show your positive attitude towards others. They will feel that you are interested in communicating. You will be perceived as a more pleasant person to talk to.
Listen carefully. Boring people often forget that not everyone is interested in listening to their boring story. If someone wants to speak, give him this opportunity and support his monologue with nods or a smile.
Speak positively about your life. Others will get the impression that you live a bright and rich life. Nobody will find you boring.
Get genuine pleasure from the time spent in the company. To do this, offer activities that interest you: some games or entertainment.
Be interested in the lives of others. Ask them questions about their hobbies. People love it when they feel your involvement and will definitely reciprocate.

To stop being boring, take the initiative. Bores often complain that they have nothing to do, are sad and uninteresting. Don't wait for others to fix it, but start yourself. Make jokes where appropriate, start some activities. Suggest ways to spend time with friends next time.

If you find it difficult to find a common language with people, I recommend choosing a course on developing communication skills from our selection. On average, it only takes a month to improve your communication skills.

Also, strike up conversations with new people often. Expand your circle of acquaintances. Surround yourself with cheerful characters with an active lifestyle, and before you know it, you will take on new traits from them.

How to become an interesting conversationalist

1. While working as a practical psychologist, I noticed that people who consider themselves bad communicators are very focused on themselves.

This manifests itself in phrases such as:

no one listens to me
no one can hear me
no one supports me.

Here lies the answer to the question “how to become an interesting, good conversationalist.” Simply, learn to switch the focus of your attention from yourself to the person you are talking to.

Why? Because for your interlocutor there is nothing, absolutely nothing more interesting than himself. His feelings, his dreams, aspirations, fears, joys. His assessment of what is happening around him.

People are ready to talk about themselves for hours, days, without stopping. In modern life, everyone is yearning for listeners. About someone who will listen to you, will not interrupt you and give out his stupid assessments and advice.

That’s right: non-judgmental, non-advice listening and sincere interest in another is what is 100% guaranteed to make you an amazing conversationalist. Such an interlocutor and friend who is BEYOND competition.

2. The second point on how to become an interesting conversationalist is to learn to ask the right questions. That is, to be able to competently pull a person’s tongue. These are so-called open questions, for example:

Tell me how it was
How did you feel when...
What do you think about…
What do you like, what don’t like...
Why do you think...

And similar ones. These are all questions to which your interlocutor can answer not “yes” or “no,” but give a good, detailed answer.

3. The third point is ACCEPTING the right of others to their vision, their opinion. At the same time, you don’t have to think the same way as him. It is enough if you can simply recognize in your soul his right to see, think and feel as he considers necessary and important for himself.

4. The fourth point - DO NOT BE AFRAID of pauses in the conversation. If there is an “awkward pause”, you can remain silent.

Observe people's reactions

During communication, it is easy to notice that the other person is not interested in him. If he is inactive, constantly changes the topic, rolls his eyes or clicks his tongue, gets irritated - these are alarm bells. You should end the conversation so as not to aggravate the situation and completely spoil the impression of yourself.

Be considerate of others. Do not insist on discussing politics or a narrow professional topic if the interlocutor is completely uninterested in it. It’s better to ask him something or get distracted by the action: you can take a walk and discuss the surroundings, go to a bookstore or go into an establishment and order something exotic.

Say the same thing

One day you heard a funny (maybe not as funny as you think) joke and you’ve been telling it to the same people for many years. Or some sharp phrase heard in a movie or somewhere else: “we will search”, “it’s no secret..”, “happiness, health, all the best”, etc.

The most terrible thing, perhaps, may be the use of slang that was once popular, but died 10 or more years ago. “Afftor drink yada..” - especially does not go well when adults and educated people (or maybe not educated at all) write or say this.

Work on your self-esteem

To avoid being boring, you need to have courage. After all, not everyone will dare to directly express their opinion, joke in the presence of a large number of people, or be the center of attention. Courage is inherent in people who are self-confident.

Healthy self-esteem is formed if you:

achieve certain successes in your career;
have a wide range of interests;
are deeply interested in 2-3 areas;
know how to take care of yourself and rest properly;
working on your external attractiveness.

If you have fears, complexes, you don’t love yourself and consider yourself unworthy of life’s blessings, then work on your self-confidence.

A fast path to a fulfilling life

If you decide to change, you are not going to stop at any difficulties, improve, develop, become attractive to most people, take a worthy position in society, then it is time to take several steps towards realizing hidden opportunities, talents and desires. Psychologists provide a modest list of sequential steps for self-improvement:

Stop telling yourself, “I'm boring.” Otherwise, you won’t be in an optimistic mood. It is known that lack of self-confidence gives rise to passivity and self-confidence in life.
Look “into yourself” with the help of a mirror, study every feature of your face, the depth of your eyes, the thoughtfulness of your gaze, look for what you don’t notice in others and identify features that are unique to you. Love yourself, understand that you are not like you, and this is an individuality.
A lot of trainings, both individual and group, are carried out in modern society, which has ceased to be wild and is well accepted by people; moreover, attendance at trainings on personal growth is increasing every year. When studying courses on adaptation to life circumstances and personality development, it is easy to find new friends with whom you will also find common interests and topics for conversation.
Do not focus on the opinions of others, this can lead you into a stupor in life at a crucial moment of decision-making; be without a doubt confident in your own abilities and unshakable energy.
It is worth choosing interesting areas of activity in which focus will not fade, but will only gain momentum in full force, thus really transforming from a boring scientist into an unpredictable showman. Reveal yourself, learn and believe only in your own strength.

How to stop being boring to the opposite sex

It also happens that in the company of friends we behave relaxed, but with a potential partner we are nervous and make mistakes. He becomes bored and the relationship does not begin. The following tips will help you.

Don't spill all your secrets about your feelings at once. Understatement is important so that your partner wonders how you feel about him. Don't close yourself off completely, just dose out the information.
Create a small data deficit about yourself. Open up as a person gradually, so that every news is a surprise. You shouldn’t tell in detail how you spent your day, what you ate, or what you were told at work.
Use conversation tricks - show interest in the life of the person you like. Encourage guys to talk about their achievements, and girls to talk about their hobbies and exciting events.
Share the values of your partner if they are acceptable to you. For example, if your partner plays sports, and you have also wanted to start for a long time, then join him, and you will never be considered a bore.

Use this at the beginning of your communication - and you will definitely interest the person you like.

Shock therapy, or unusual circumstances

“So what should I do if I’m boring and don’t notice interesting features in myself, despite the fact that throughout my life I’ve been engaged in different activities?” For such “blind” girls, individual advice is psychological shock therapy. Have you jumped with a parachute, scuba dived, swam with resourceful dolphins or, conversely, with bloodthirsty sharks, staged a fire show, shouted on a crowded street, how happy are you? No? Then what are we waiting for? Go ahead, towards extravagant actions that are not typical for you! Believe me, the sky-high adrenaline will do its significant work, cause a global storm of emotions, pleasant memories that will be enough to share with your loved ones and acquaintances, and there will be something to tell about to unfamiliar friends. You will undoubtedly feel how at this stage of development your individuality is revealed, and then you will want to continue again and again.