Each of us has seen this flower, similar to a six-winged star with a bright yellow center. He stands on a slender, smooth leg, bowing his fragrant head thoughtfully, as if he is sad about something. They say that the narcissistic narcissist, whose name has long become a household name, willingly accepts the love of others, but is unable to give it to others. Even in bouquets, the flower does not tolerate the proximity of other representatives of the flora. How are the human daffodil and the fragrant spring flower related to each other?
Ancient Greek legend
The name of the flower was made a symbol of narcissism by ancient myths and legends. A well-known ancient legend says that a charming son was once born to the river god Cephisus and the gentle nymph Liriope, to whom they gave the name Narcissus. A man could not be as beautiful as this young man was. Many girls dreamed of his love, but he remained indifferent to everyone. Narcissus could not love anyone but himself. The meaning of the phraseological unit lies precisely in the fact that this name is the name of an overly selfish, self-obsessed person. A nymph named Echo happened to fall in love with the unapproachable Narcissus, but she was also rejected by the cruel young man. Out of anguish, she turned into a rock responding to a man’s voice, but first the nymph prayed to the gods for retribution. Nemesis, who punishes moral and social transgressions, punished the obstinate young man. One day, while hunting, the handsome Narcissus wanted to drink from a stream. The man had barely bowed down to the mirror surface when he was struck to the heart by the unprecedented beauty of the reflection. His own perfection made the young man a prisoner of himself: he stretched out his hands to the water, called and begged, but the reflection did not let go of the young hunter. Forgetting about food and sleep, he continued to admire his beauty and was hypnotized by it. Poor Narcissus grew pale, weakened and wasted away. Soon his strength completely left him, and he, drooping his beautiful head into the coastal grass, died. The forest nymphs, who decided to give him a magnificent funeral, did not find the body, but saw a white fragrant flower in this place and named it “narcissus” in memory of the unfortunate young man. The person who found it was considered a candidate for unhappy love. However, over time, this meaning acquired a broader meaning. In Egypt, the flower symbolized beauty, in Persia - immortality, and in Germany - love and a happy marriage.
Ignoring
Are you really tired of your arrogant friend? How to punish a narcissist? The best way to do this is to ignore the person. Narcissists love to communicate and talk about themselves. If you do not allow a person to talk to you, this will become a true punishment for the person. Egoists live by ingratiating their pride at the expense of those around them. They simply need to hear compliments about their person and constantly seek confirmation of their uniqueness and talent. If you ignore a person, he will soon realize that he has done something wrong and will try to make amends. Narcissists are not such bad people when they put aside thoughts about themselves and start caring about someone else. True, such attacks of complacency happen to them very rarely. Therefore, do not expect that after a person endures his punishment with dignity, he will change. The arrogance and selfishness of a narcissist will not go away, this must be understood.
Chinese legend
Narcissus is called the “flower of the water god” in the Middle Kingdom. According to an old legend, he grew up on the shore of a dried-up pond. And this is what preceded this event. One poor peasant woman struggled to gather a handful of rice at home to feed her son working in the field. But a beggar came into her house and asked for food. The woman gave him the rice and began to cry. The traveler asked her if she regretted giving away the last food. The peasant woman replied that no, she doesn’t regret it, because the unfortunate man needs food more than they do. The stranger thanked the savior and went to the pond. There he threw himself into the water, and in the morning local residents discovered an unusual delicate flower here. People realized that none other than the water god came to the woman, who thanked her in such a beautiful way. In China, this flower represents gratitude, and on New Year's Eve it is the same attribute of the holiday as our Christmas tree.
Spend more time talking than you planned
Do you know anyone who is narcissistic? How to communicate with a narcissist? You need to realize in advance that you will now be conducting a dialogue with a person who will not want to listen to you. Knowing this, spend more time communicating with the narcissist than you originally planned to spend on the dialogue. During the conversation, you will have to interrupt the person many times and try to convey to him thoughts that he does not immediately want to accept. This process can be tedious and nerve-wracking. Therefore, immediately prepare yourself mentally that you are going to a meeting with a person who will listen to you every other time and, at any opportunity, will try to talk about himself. Do not under any circumstances encourage such antics from your interlocutor. Once you give the narcissist some slack, you will have to constantly listen to stories from the person’s life, her fears, doubts and other whining.
Narcissistic narcissist: the meaning of phraseology
This stable expression originates, of course, not from an Eastern, but from a European legend. The literal love for oneself that the Greek youth experienced was transformed into the designation of such character qualities as egocentrism, conceit, and narcissism. A narcissist person tends to overestimate his own merits and neglect the interests of others in favor of his own. Such a person cannot become a good friend, he is difficult to love and cannot be relied on in an ambiguous situation. The team laughs at the narcissist, but his narcissism can become a big problem if he holds a responsible position and is a leader. Is the narcissist, captivated by his perfections, happy? Probably no. After all, people need communication, support and approval from each other.
5. Ignore the “love bombing”
Love bombing, or love bombing, is actions that, at the beginning of a relationship, are aimed at speeding up the rapprochement, both emotional and physical, with a potential “victim”. You may be bombarded with letters and messages, flowers and gifts may be sent to you - this is how a potential partner hopes to create a strong connection with you as quickly as possible. But do you know him that well?
In long-term relationships, such actions help to regain the partner's favor. The narcissist ignores or humiliates you, but if you show that you are ready to get off the hook, he suddenly becomes soft and caring. If you are being bombarded, try not to respond to every message immediately and not let the fan fill up all your time. This will give you the opportunity to think about what is happening again.
To avoid growing a narcissist
For gardeners, the pressing question is how to plant and care for a charming flower, but for loving parents the most important thing is to raise not a narcissist, but a worthy and happy person. You don’t need to be a famous teacher to understand that the basis of education here should be reasonable parental love, combining tenderness with discipline, affection with demands, instilling in the child responsibility, mutual assistance, empathy and generosity.
What is narcissism?
Narcissism is a deviation that manifests itself in a person’s pathological focus on himself.
Narcissists disagree with the idea that all people are the same.
Narcissists see themselves as ideal. They are attractive in appearance, trying to seem successful, ambitious, and bright. They tend to be narcissistic. In fact, they suffer from complexes and self-doubt.
To compensate for the failure, a patient with narcissistic disorder tries in every possible way to humiliate his other half and lower the self-esteem of his loved one. People living with narcissistic partners soon begin to complain of an incomprehensible feeling of physical and moral devastation, exhaustion, and malaise.
People with increased anxiety and a guilt complex fall under the influence of a manipulator. This happens because narcissists skillfully create a spectacular first impression by drawing them into the net. It is difficult to build a long-term relationship with such a person.
The eloquent language of flowers
Fans of plant symbolism will be interested to know what the symbolic meaning of flowers is. Narcissus, by analogy with the metaphorical meaning accepted in Western civilization, symbolizes selfish desires, disappointed hopes, unrequited love, and is the personification of cold beauty and vanity. The culture of the East and Asia, on the contrary, endows the flower with the inspiring power of kindness, grace and sophistication. By presenting daffodils to his beloved, the ardent young man thereby tells her: “You are the one and only.”
What if it’s sincere and pure?
Let's say your man is a subtle manipulator and a narcissist. All the signs are there. You know that men also know how to lie talentedly and pretend to love next to an unloved woman. Is there any hope that a complete egoist will urgently begin to truly love? No. Such men do not change “forcibly.” And his opinion of himself is too high to accept his own shortcomings.
Often this type of personality is simply not capable of emotional and spiritual intimacy, so casual relationships and short-term affairs are their limit.
Narcissists tend to devalue other people's achievements. They perceive others only as their “mirror”.
If they like what is reflected there, then they continue communication. If not, break off the relationship without regret.
In order for a narcissist to become attached to you (let's honestly not call it love), you must meet his requirements:
- always satisfy his desires;
- be strong and take care of him;
- be self-sufficient so that he doesn’t have to worry about you;
- constantly praise his even minimal achievements, and if there are none, agree that the world does not value him.
Narcissus in art
The works of the great Renaissance masters Leonardo da Vinci and Benvenuto Cellini, Caravaggio and Poussin dedicated their works to the ancient myth of Narcissus. The ancient Roman poet Ovid interpreted the content of the legend in his own way. Composer Christoph Gluck created an amazing opera based on the legend. The English romantic poet Shelley wrote about the wonderfully handsome, loving Narcissus, who, until he dies, “looks at himself, endlessly loving.” In Russia, there is an interesting story by the Strugatsky brothers, “Narcissus,” about a man living in the twentieth century who knows the secret of hypnosis.
Why do people develop narcissistic personality disorder?
Narcissistic personality disorder is usually acquired due to trauma or an unhealthy upbringing. Here's what Elinor Greenberg, a world-renowned Gestalt therapy coach and expert on narcissistic personality disorder, says.
“Narcissistic personality disorder can be thought of as an adaptation to a childhood home environment that has left you with unstable self-esteem, low emotional empathy, and a particular set of responses that have now become automatic and habitual.”
Poor parenting appears to be a major factor in the development of narcissistic behavior. If parents are so authoritative that they demand perfection from their children, they often develop an inflated ego and a sense of superiority.
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These behaviors and mentalities are then carried into adulthood, making them nearly impossible to change. Because of this, narcissism becomes deeply rooted in their psychological structure. Greenberg explains:
“As with any habit, your narcissistic responses are now encoded in the brain as a series of neural connections that automatically fire together in certain situations.”
However, this does not mean that narcissism cannot be cured.
“You can choose to learn new responses that you prefer. With continued practice, they will eventually replace old narcissistic communication habits,” advises Greenberg.
