Gestures that tell you more about your interlocutor’s attitude towards you than words

Interest

Most people try to follow the unspoken rule of communication and show signs of interest in any conversation by asking the other person about various details. Therefore, it is very important to be able to read the real mood of the interlocutor and his attitude towards the conversation based on non-verbal signs.

The listener's interest is revealed by the absence of gestures. Your interlocutor, who is sincerely delighted with your speeches, will be completely focused on you, trying not to create unnecessary noise. In most cases, such a person will stare at you, his whole body frozen. His eyebrows may be slightly raised and his eyes widened.

A person who experiences great interest in what is happening strives with his whole being to get closer to the source of information. Therefore, you can notice the tilt of the body towards the speaker.

Verbal and non-verbal communication

Communication consists of two parts: verbal and non-verbal.
Verbal communication involves the use of meaningful speech, one of the main functions that distinguishes humans from animals. There are three main forms of verbal communication :

• oral speech interaction (monologue, dialogue, polylogue);
• communication in writing;
• inner speech (a voice that accompanies a person throughout life and helps form thoughts).

Nonverbal communication in psychology is a system of signs used in the communication process in addition to words. Most of these signs are used unconsciously by interlocutors, which is why nonverbal signals can be an excellent indicator of a person’s true intentions.

In turn, nonverbal communication includes a number of signs:

• gestures;
• postures, body position in space;
• facial expressions;
• eye contact;
• voice perception (timbre, tonality, pauses in speech, characteristic features of pronunciation);
• smells;
• tactile contact.

Having the skills to “read” the gestures of your interlocutor, you will be able to better understand him and reveal the true motives and goals of communication. In order to learn this, you need to constantly observe people during a conversation.

In addition, a significant part of the skills can be acquired through the process of self-discovery: pay attention to how you feel in business and personal contacts and what postures you strive to take. This will not only help you get to know others better, but also help you learn to control yourself better.

Lack of interest

A disinterested person, on the contrary, will look in different directions, make numerous movements, and look at the phone. The fewer movements your interlocutor makes when talking to you, the more interested he is in you.

A person also demonstrates his rejection of the situation by the direction of his gaze. If he looks at the door, he is bored or your company is not particularly pleasant for him. The desire to leave is also indicated by the direction of the body and legs towards the exit.

It is important to be able to distinguish the lack of interest in you from the thoughtfulness of your interlocutor. He may be immersed in his problems and show no signs of interest. The thoughtfulness of a person can be determined by his hands and gaze.

If the interlocutor’s limbs constantly live somewhere near the head, he scratches the back of his head, rubs his temples, rests his forehead on his hand, and his gaze is not focused, you can be sure that an active thought process is going on in his head and at the moment his own thoughts are more relevant to him. thoughts than communication. Therefore, you should not draw conclusions about the rudeness of your interlocutor if you receive a sharp response to your appeal. It is better to leave a person in such a state alone.

Signs of lying

Knowing the meaning of nonverbal gestures, you can recognize the lies of your interlocutors. So, it is worth paying attention to the following points:

• a long pause before the beginning of a phrase or frequent pauses;
• asymmetry in the work of facial muscles;
• facial expression does not change for more than 10 seconds;
• emotions arise late and do not correspond to the content of speech;
• a tight smile that creates not a curved, but a narrow lip line;
• lack of visual contact;
• manipulation of arms and legs (tapping, twitching), as well as lip biting;
• attempts to keep gestures under control;
• heavy breathing and a constant increase in voice pitch;
• closed posture with crossed arms and legs, as well as a hunched back;
• rubbing the nose or eyelid (it can be mechanical and barely noticeable);
• the right side (in terms of gestures and facial expressions) is more active than the left;
• exaggerated emotions and gestures;
• frequent blinking.

Respect

For a man, there is the easiest and most reliable way to find out how the interlocutor treats him - a handshake. A person who respects you will be the first to extend his hand to greet you. If he does this without much desire or with a delay, he rather treats you somewhat arrogantly. The duration of the handshake, as well as the angle between the hands, also matters: people who respect each other do not try to quickly release their hand, and also keep their hands straight.

The look of a person who respects you is open, the smile is sincere. He often glances in your direction, and if he is looking for your approval, he will look away when your views intersect.

Kinesics

Kinesics is a branch of psychology that studies human emotional reactions from the point of view of his expressive movements (body movements). In this aspect, the following are considered as the main non-verbal means of communication: posture, expressiveness of gestures, facial expressions, gait features, gaze. It is believed that the information that the interlocutor wants to convey through speech may differ significantly from the feelings he actually experiences.

Pose

The postures a person takes during a conversation indicate his true intentions, more eloquently than gestures and facial expressions. Coping with your emotions is easy, but controlling postures when communicating is more difficult.

Modern psychologists divide postures into three types:

1. Dominance - a person hangs over, tries to look down from above, sits leaning back, crossing his legs. Dependency – the individual lowers his head, sits with his knees tightly clenched, fiddling with his fingers.
2. Closedness - the opponent clasps his fingers, closes himself by crossing his arms and legs, moves away from the interlocutor, and looks away. Openness - an individual who is inclined to communicate is distinguished by a relaxed posture, a wide smile, open palms, outstretched legs, and the torso turned towards the interlocutor.
3. Confrontation is expressed by a raised chin, clenched fists, arms outstretched or placed on the hips, sides. Harmony is manifested in the speaker’s peaceful posture and good-natured gaze.

Gestures

With the help of these non-verbal elements of communicative communication, our ancestors have been trying to achieve mutual understanding since ancient times. Head movements and hand gestures can convey the emotional state of the interlocutor - his overexcitation, sadness, joy, anger, etc.

In the non-verbal sense, sign language is classified into the following types:

• modal – conveying the attitude of the conversation participants (trust/distrust, approval/disagreement, satisfaction/dissatisfaction);
• communicative - used for prohibitions, approval, farewell, greeting, attracting attention, etc.
• descriptive - express emotional coloring in the context of certain statements.

Facial expressions

Facial reactions are considered one of the main indicators of the true feelings of the interlocutor. According to research, if an individual maintains a still face, then information about his personal characteristics is lost by 15%. Psychologists have noted more than 20,000 different nonverbal interpretations of facial expressions. The main emotional states are:

• anger;
• fear;
• irritation;
• sadness;
• astonishment;
• joy;
• disgust.

When a person’s emotional state changes, the configuration of the entire face begins to dynamically change, mainly the lips, eyebrows and forehead.

Gait

The gait personifies the individual's position in life. By analyzing a person’s style of movement, one can judge the characteristics of his character, age, well-being and even profession. By the dynamics, rhythm and amplitude of the step, psychologists learn about such states as pride, suffering, illness, anger, determination, happiness, etc. A “light” gait indicates high spirits, joy, and self-confidence. “Heavy” – typical for gloomy people who are despondent or in a state of anger. “Sluggish”, “sluggish” - happens in suffering, insecure people.

Sight

Eye contact is a non-verbal signal that is the most important element in the art of communication. A direct, interested look endears the interlocutor and arouses sympathy. Looking too long is perceived as a challenge, excessive interest of the interlocutor. A short one, on the contrary, gives reason to believe that the opponent is insincere and is hiding information. It is considered optimal to exchange glances for 10 seconds.

It is also worth taking into account the national factor, for example, Asians (Japanese, Koreans) do not often look at faces, Europeans are distinguished by their direct gaze. Depending on the specifics, psychologists distinguish the following types of views:

• social – typical for secular, relaxed communication;
• business – used in a working atmosphere (when concluding business contracts, interviews, etc.);
• intimate – personifies interest, love, etc.;
• a sideways glance may indicate hostility, envy, criticism, or suspicion.

The eyes are capable of transmitting the most subtle signals of an individual's emotional state. Constriction/dilation of the pupils occurs in a person at an unconscious level, depending on his mood and state of the body. An excited person interested in something will have pupils dilated 4 times. A gloomy, depressive state leads to constriction of the pupils.

Sexual sympathy

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A sincere smile is the best indicator of sympathy. However, you need to learn to read it. It should be wide, the corners of the mouth should be raised, and the upper eyelids should be slightly lowered. This is a real, frank smile, which, like nothing else, indicates your likeability to a person. Mirroring the interlocutor's posture is also a universal sign of sympathy.

Confident men express their sympathy for a girl by lingering on her gaze. Those who are less confident, on the contrary, will sometimes glance at the object of their sighs, quickly changing the direction of their gaze. Also, a man can hook the belt in the abdominal area with his thumb, point his feet towards the woman and constantly adjust his clothes in her presence.

Signs of female sympathy are well known: ladies begin to unconsciously touch their hair and adjust their clothes. Attraction is also indicated by a slightly open mouth, enlarged pupils, and demonstration of sexual parts of the body.

Features of facial expressions

His facial expressions can say a lot about a person and his mood. Nonverbal gestures reflected on the face may indicate the following:

• narrowed eyes and pursed lips indicate an angry mood;
• raised eyebrows and wide open eyes mean surprise;
• in a state of fear, the lips are stretched wide and their corners are drawn down;
• happiness is characterized by a calm gaze and slightly raised corners of the mouth;
• a sad man brings his eyebrows together and lowers the corners of his lips.

Mistrust

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A person who strongly doubts the truth of your words will most likely try to avoid direct eye contact. The interlocutor, who has not formed a definite opinion regarding your words, will repeat certain monotonous movements such as scratching his head, raising his hands to his face, and shrugging his shoulders. In such a situation, he really doubts and you still have a chance to persuade him to your point of view.

If a person touches your mouth, then he most likely no longer trusts you. He doubts your sincerity, and it will be quite difficult to convince him.

The importance of sensorimotor signals

The ability to correctly interpret nonverbal signals is of great importance in modern human life. After all, it is precisely such gestures that most fully express human feelings and experiences. In some cases, emotional experiences can be so strong that without verbal signals it is almost impossible to convey the whole gamut of overwhelming emotions. In addition, these gestures allow you to establish deeper communication contact between interlocutors.

Often, such knowledge allows one to achieve certain results in entrepreneurial activity. The main feature of nonverbal signals is that a person cannot control them. Examples of using such means of communication allow you to learn to detect false notes in the words of your interlocutor and avoid attempts to manipulate your behavior.

A person who knows the basics of nonverbal communication better understands the interlocutor, which allows him to distinguish lies from the truth.

Feeling Dangerous

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The person believes that you pose a danger. Not necessarily physical: your words may radically diverge from his position, and he prepares for defense at the verbal level. This condition is evidenced by well-known closed postures: crossed arms or legs. However, this same sign characterizes uncertain people or people who find themselves in an unfamiliar environment.

In such a situation, it is best to change the tone and topic of the conversation. Switch to something else, neutral or pleasant for the interlocutor. When his tension subsides, carefully return to the unfinished conversation. If his position becomes open and his legs and arms no longer cross, you can be sure that his attitude towards you has become more friendly.

Demonstration of superiority

Knowing nonverbal gestures can make your life much easier, because from them you can understand the true intentions and attitude of the interlocutor towards you. So, for example, if someone is trying to demonstrate self-confidence, as well as superiority and power over you, this can be understood by the following signs:

• The person puts his hands behind his back, sticking his chest forward. In this way he is trying to show his fearlessness.
• Hands are casually lowered into pockets, and the body is imposingly relaxed. By doing this, the person is trying to show that you are indifferent and uninteresting to him.
• Sometimes a dominant person may become defensive by crossing their arms and sticking out their thumbs. The latter means that although he is trying to defend himself, he feels superior to you.

Hidden consent

Very often, people internally agree with what you say, but in conversation they continue to defend their point of view. This can happen for various reasons: perhaps they are trying to negotiate more favorable terms when negotiating a contract, although they agree to less. The ability to read this internal agreement is very important.

The absence of the interlocutor’s gestures of disagreement and distrust, which are described above, speaks precisely of this. The person will argue with you, but at the level of gestures he does not show disagreement, behaving relaxed and free. This is a clear sign of willingness to accept your terms. If, at the moment of denying your words, he makes affirmative nods of his head, as if saying “Yes, yes, I understand everything, but...”, insist on your point, he really understands everything and has already accepted your conditions.

Good to know for everyone

Max Egger has an invaluable contribution to the study of such an issue as non-verbal means of gestures. He developed a system of 75 signals, the main ones of which can be considered the following:

• the movement of the Adam's apple indicates the interlocutor's excitement or that he is telling a lie;
• if hands come into contact with any object, this indicates uncertainty;
• if a person strokes his chin, he is considering the proposal;
• biting your finger, pencil or glasses means that the person is evaluating you;
• stroking the back of the neck means anger or a feeling of threat from you;
• if a person rubs his palms, he expects to receive benefits;
• if the toes of the feet are spread apart, the person feels superior to you.

Tactile movements

Embrace

The meaning of the expressed feelings is determined by the nature of the hug, its duration and strength. For example, bosom friends who have not seen each other for a long time literally strangle each other in their arms when they meet. At wrestling competitions, participants briefly hug and quickly return to their respective corners. Lovers linger in a tender embrace for a long time, clinging together, demonstrating serene happiness, clinging tightly - passion or the fact that they miss you. The hugs of distant relatives depend on previously maintained relationships; they can be cold, reserved, or passionate. The hugs of loved ones are soft and sincere.

Handshakes

The open palm has long been a gesture of trust. The handshake itself dates back to ancient times: primitive people shook hands to demonstrate that they were not armed and were peaceful. And during the heyday of the Great Roman Empire, this gesture changed somewhat - people began to shake hands by the wrists. The common habit of hiding a dagger in the sleeve played a role, but the meaning is the same: to show good disposition, the absence of hidden weapons.

Such a gesture is firmly entrenched in our subconscious and we, just like our ancestors, extend our hands to each other as a sign of trust, or try to hide our palms when we are hiding something.

By vigorously shaking your hand combined with a joyful exclamation, you can easily determine the sincerity of your interlocutor and his desire to continue communication. When they clasp a hand with both of theirs, in the form of a “glove,” they also demonstrate friendliness. But when they offer you a “lifeless”, limp hand, it means that they don’t want to contact you.

If the hand is cold when shaking, then this is a signal that its owner is cold, or is seriously excited. Steamy palms also indicate a nervous experience. When, when shaking, the hand turns out to be palm down, this indicates the desire of its owner to dominate the other person. On the contrary, a hand turned palm up communicates that a person unconsciously recognizes himself as a subordinate and agrees to be led in relations with his interlocutor.

Patting on the shoulder or back

These nonverbal gestures are very typical for men. They often symbolize friendship, encouragement, or concern. In addition, patting the shoulder or back demonstrates masculine strength, the ability to support in a difficult situation, and the willingness to help if necessary.

Touch

Touches can be light, affectionate, gentle, strong, rough. Nonverbal communication and touching gestures are most common in relationships that are intimate or involve strong emotions.

Stopping touches - when it is necessary to stop a mischievous mischief-maker. Attracting attention - when the interlocutor does not hear or does not want to listen. Setting up an intimate mood - in the case of sexual foreplay. Very often, touches are an indicator of the unexpressed feelings of a loved one: tenderness, care, love, disagreement, irritation, aggression.

Among other things, they can be an excellent means of manipulation. For example, a careful but firm touch on the elbow of your interlocutor can make the latter trust you. By holding a person by the elbow, you subconsciously inspire him that you can be trusted, that you can be relied upon, that you are a reliable support for him. This gesture is very often used by scammers, instilling in the victim a sense of security, a feeling that he wants to help, and is concerned about the well-being of the victim. Therefore, be vigilant and do not allow such touching by strangers.

This is why our unconscious gestures and body movements can give us away when we are trying to lie.

During deception, our subconscious releases a bundle of nervous energy, which manifests itself in gestures that contradict what we say.

Actors and lawyers, whose professions are directly related to deception in various forms of its manifestation, have practiced their gestures to such an extent that it is difficult to notice when they are telling a lie. To do this, firstly, they practice those gestures that give credibility to what was said, and secondly, they almost completely abandon gesticulation so that neither positive nor negative gestures are present.

As for other people, it is often more difficult for them to fake facial expressions and gestures. Psychologists believe that a liar, no matter how hard he tries to hide his lie, can still be recognized because he is betrayed by the discrepancy between the microsignals of the subconscious, which are expressed by gestures, and the spoken words.