Where to look for the meaning of life if you have lost it, and is it necessary to do so?

May 19, 2022

" What is a sense of life? Serve others and do good.”

Aristotle

“Believe in the fact that THERE IS SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR and your faith will help this fact come true.”

W. James

The question of the meaning of life is one of the “eternal” questions that sooner or later faces every person. The answer to it depends on life guidelines and personality development. At different times, people found it in pleasure, serving people, virtue, etc. The only thing on which opinions agree is that the meaning of life is closely related to the goals of life .

Most often, for the first time we think about the meaning of life in our youth, when we begin to look for our place in life, our purpose, set goals for ourselves and think about the future. Throughout life, its meaning changes, because... a person faces new goals and tasks.

Some people who wonder whether there is a meaning to life come to the conclusion that it does not exist. They believe that this is just self-conviction, with the help of which they can avoid thoughts about the meaninglessness of life, because... sooner or later a person dies and his life has no meaning.

About the problem

This usually happens during depression. Although most often it is the loss of the meaning of life that causes this condition. During which you don’t want anything. A person is depressed, he does not experience joy, does not show interest in anything, and constantly feels tired. His speeches are pessimistic, he does not want and cannot concentrate, sometimes thinks about death or suicide, sleeps constantly or does not do so at all. And most importantly, there is a feeling of worthlessness, accompanied by feelings of fear, anxiety and even guilt.

Life has lost its meaning... There is so much pain in this phrase. And what is the reason for this problem? With a shortage of what a person needs most. For some, it’s a job and an opportunity to make a dizzying career. For others - a loved one, spending time together, tender feelings and passion. For the rest - a family with a bunch of children. For others, the meaning of life is immeasurable wealth. For others, it’s an opportunity to travel and develop. There can be countless examples. But it all comes down to one simple truth. Fortunately. Yes, this is the meaning of life - to be happy. Or, as they say, to be in a state of complete satisfaction with the conditions of one’s existence and being. This is the meaning of life. This phenomenon, by the way, is actively studied by occultism, theology, psychology and philosophy.

What's going on?

Yes, as I already said, a person can lose a loved one, a job, a family, but he can also lose something less significant, which simply became the “last straw” - the lever that starts the terrible machine of “depression”. And if grief after a significant loss passes after a certain time, as I have already described (after crying nights and difficult days in sadness), then with depression this grief does not go away, the loss remains with the person, it is, as it were, placed “inside”.

An object (a person, a job, a significant part of life) does not really die for a person, but is lost as an object of love.

And all the desire that you received in this significant person or event is now always with you. Desire is now within the person himself, it is not directed to the outside world. A person ceases to desire anything outside, he needs nothing, everything is vain and meaningless. He couldn't let go of his loss, he appropriated it and kept it for himself.

Symptoms of apathy

Apathy can be suspected by the following symptoms:

• difficulty performing daily tasks;
• feeling of indifference;
• lack of emotions;
• lack of interest in classes;
• lack of motivation to achieve goals;
• low energy level;
• a sharp decrease in activity in social life (reluctance to meet friends, celebrate a birthday, or even go to the store);
• unemotional reaction to both positive and negative events;
• Frequently shifting the planning of your life, affairs and decisions to others;
• lack of desire to learn something new, meet new people, gain new experiences;
• indifference to one's own problems.

Still from the film “The Hours” © kinopoisk

Loss of meaning in life is characterized by such signs as:

• Apathy;
• Dissatisfaction with oneself;
• Indifference;
• Disappointment;

All these signs sooner or later lead to depression, and depression, in turn, leads to the following psychosomatic diseases:

• Problems with the gastrointestinal tract;
• Problems with the cardiovascular system;
• Sleep problems - insomnia;
• Neuroses may develop;
• Immunity decreases, vulnerability to viral diseases increases.

Goal setting

“How to find the meaning of life if you don’t want anything?” - you ask. The answer, apparently, will not please you: set a goal and go towards it with the will.

• What is the root of your passivity? Have you recently suffered a trauma or lost someone? Are you in a state of crisis, depression, that is, an unstable and unhealthy psychological state? Then you first need to “remove the splinter”: survive divorce, death, leaving, recover from trauma, get out of depression. To do this, you need to contact a specialist.
• Once your condition is stable (or if you are currently healthy, just lazy or uncertain), you need to start working. A rolling stone gathers no moss. Already in the question “how to find...” lies the answer - to search, and not to remain inactive. Go to the goal, through all external and, above all, internal obstacles (your “I don’t want”).
• “I don’t want” happens because of a lack of motivation. Why do you lack motivation? Are you satisfied with your current life? I think not, since the question arose. Then imagine the life you want, but be realistic in your plans. Have you imagined yourself, your life, the people around you, your feelings? Do you want that? That's the goal. Your life's purpose is the image of your achievements.

If you cannot yet concentrate your attention on life as a whole, then think about a specific goal that worries you more than others at the moment: work, love, education, health.

Now think about how to achieve the presented image, and what is needed for this. What do you already have? How to get something that doesn't exist? Work on your worldview. As a result, you should have a clear idea of ​​what the universe is, who a person is and how he should live.

A little practice

I want to push you to action and take you away from devaluing life. I suggest two exercises. You can repeat it regularly, especially when you “don’t feel like doing anything.”

1. Imagine that you have 5 years left to live. Have you already come up with some images, values, ideas? I think yes. Probably, all the “later”, “I’ll have time”, “not now” immediately came to mind. And you probably wanted to do it right away? That's what we need to build on. Here are the first meanings for you. Constantly support them, call the genie out of the bottle and act.
2. Imagine that you are 80. Your friends and family have a party to celebrate this occasion. The hero of the day is invited to give a speech. You are asked to talk about your life. This is where the “magic” begins. What would you like to say to those eyes? How would you like to appear to your guests? Here are your first guidelines for the future, your first goals and meanings.

When should you think about the meaning of life and how to solve this question?

Before you dive into thinking about the meaning of life, answer the question: to what extent did you participate in creating unfavorable circumstances? If, for example, a loved one died or the activity does not bring in the same income due to changes in the market (large chains are displacing individuals), little depended on us. In this case, you should not waste time searching for the meaning of life, “bathing” in ideas about its meaninglessness, thinking that “everything is in vain, we will die, there will be nothing left...” and getting hung up on the feeling of guilt that we did something wrong. Put these questions aside until you adapt to the new environment. All these thoughts are generated by reactive depression, which should be treated with a specialist, especially if it lasts for several months or affects the quality of your life.

If you have contributed to a state of joylessness, for example:

• you are not living your own life;
• trying to control something that is beyond your control;
• sacrificing important things in order to achieve some goals;
• you cannot adapt to circumstances that have changed unfavorably...

In a word, you couldn’t balance your capabilities, desires, goals, energy costs, and therefore you find yourself in a situation of chronic dissatisfaction. In this case, it makes sense to realize the biological task of depression, the reason for which it was invented, namely, to figure out how you got to this point of life, to understand what you are missing and what you are doing in a way that is not the most optimal for yourself.

Often, thoughts about the meaning of life or its meaninglessness are a symptom of depression (in the broadest sense, not in the clinical sense). A low mood gives rise to all thoughts of meaninglessness, so you can ignore them, at least until your mood levels out. But don’t think that when you find the meaning of life, depression will go away. If your actions have created a depressed mood, think about the fact that you need to change something in the way you live, what you strive for, what activities your life is filled with, how suitable the people around you are for you. Based on your answers, try to start changing something. Then your health will begin to improve, and there will be fewer thoughts that everything is in vain.

We are designed in such a way that we have many needs, and their harmonious satisfaction contributes to a good mood and a feeling of satisfaction from our lives. It is important to understand depression, the reasons for its occurrence, and then dive into clarifying such an important question for each of us: “Why do we live?” And this really makes sense, since having constructive answers to this question, it is much easier not to find yourself in a situation where you regret what you did in the past, as well as to overcome various kinds of troubles that arise in the life of every person.

How to find what is lost?

For a person who is trying to find his own destiny, it is important to remember that on this path he may be faced with certain “traps” that will again lead him to a feeling of dissatisfaction with himself and the meaninglessness of life. It could be:

• Self-destructive behavior is a pointless waste of energy and time “trying everything, because you only live once” (alcohol, drugs, parties, etc.).
• Workaholism . A person is COMPLETELY immersed in work, it takes up all his time and thoughts. As a result, he does not have time for family, friends, or rest, and this leads to dissatisfaction with himself and, as a result, to a feeling of anxiety and even depression.
• Dependent relationships . Are you tired of hearing that “the clock is ticking”, but you don’t have a family yet and now “you have to take what you have”. But a family created in a hurry and to please society will very soon become its “appearance” and will definitely not bring meaning and happiness to anyone.

But what causes the loss of meaning in life?

1. The loss of old traditions and values ​​in society without a new alternative (remember the situation of the “dashing 90s” in our country).
2. Technologization and globalization of society . A person feels unnecessary, because his efforts will be replaced by the labor of various mechanisms.
3. Loss of health due to developing serious illness . You have always led an active lifestyle, but now you are not able to live as before.
4. Professional activity . These could be career problems or job loss. Added to financial problems is a feeling of self-doubt, uselessness, and resentment towards the world.
5. Severe disappointment (in love, family, career, etc.). Not only do years of life and a lot of effort go downhill, but the very system of values ​​on which a person built his life collapses.
6. Death of a loved one. For many, this is tantamount to their death, because... people cannot imagine their future life without a person dear to him.
7. Middle age crisis. Years go by, but abilities, desires and hopes cannot be realized. The result is a feeling of disappointment, dissatisfaction, melancholy and, as a result, an unwillingness to live.
8. Fatigue (loss of strength and energy). Basic needs are called that because without their satisfaction the human body cannot work. And rest is one of them. Life energy is replenished with regular nutrition, sleep, and positive emotions. If the pace of your life is high, and there is little time for rest and recuperation, you get out of the habit of resting and forget what it means to enjoy life.
9. "Empty nest syndrome" For those who saw the meaning of their life in raising children, their departure from the parental home to an independent life means their own uselessness and the loss of all meaning in life.
10. "Paradise Syndrome" At some point, a person achieved everything he dreamed of. There is a house, a family, children, a career... Live and be happy! But no. A person, experiencing satiety, experiences severe disappointment and loss of interest in life and loved ones.

The listed reasons are just some of the most common ones indicating the presence of this problem.

A little philosophy

The idea of ​​the meaning of life has come a long way from morality and general content for everyone to an individual approach to each individual person and to each moment. There are philosophers who argued that meaning is a utopia and does not exist, and some have dedicated their lives to helping others find meaning.

Today we will talk about meaning as a psychological concept, consider it as a problem of social psychology. Every person has potential, the realization of which is the meaning. But the latest research has shown another important component of the meaning of life.

Richard Ryan

Richard Ryan, a researcher at the University of Rochester, concluded that people who live their lives with meaning are more likely to have a more vibrant and mentally healthy mind in old age and have an increased life expectancy, unlike those whose life goal is to obtain pleasure, that is, simple consumption.

Satisfaction from social activities brings more meaning to life, this could be studying, volunteering, participating in public organizations, interest clubs. But he also cautioned that satisfaction from social activities cannot be achieved by simply forcing yourself into volunteer work, for example, in the hope of some kind of reward in the future.

It turns out that the meaning of life has two important components - the realization of your potential and activities aimed at the benefit of society, when you not only do something for yourself, but also for the world. But let's start with what is definitely not the point.

Causes of emptiness

Getting lost in the labyrinths of life is not shameful; looking for meaning is not a shame, just like losing it. It seems to you that the whole point is in your passivity and apathy, but it also has roots. External factors of feeling the meaninglessness of life in a broad sense include:

• globalization and technologization of society;
• abundance of information;
• identification of work calling and life calling (read more about this in the article “Is it possible to see the meaning of life in work”);
• the collapse of old values ​​and traditions of society without offering a new alternative (reminiscent of the situation in the 90s).

All this causes a person to fear being replaced by robots and technologies; The abundance of information from different sources and of different quality sows uncertainty in one’s own stability; the collapse of values ​​prevents one from building one’s worldview.

How to get rid of apathy

• Seek advice from a psychiatrist or neurologist . You can start with any of the specialists, since the causes of apathy, as mentioned above, can be different - you need to use the method of elimination.
• You may need to have blood tests or brain scans (as directed by your doctor).
• Adjust your lifestyle - devote a lot of time to sleep (best on a schedule, observing sleep hygiene), eat right, try to avoid overwork.
• See a psychologist for psychotherapy to learn to better understand your values ​​and goals, take responsibility and experience less stress and cope better with it.
• Take therapy prescribed by your doctor for mental disorders or infectious diseases (most likely, these will be antidepressants or antiviral drugs and antibiotics).

If you feel strong apathy, it is important not to give in to it, but to make a list of activities that you, albeit not now, but once liked, and do something from this list every day for at least 5-10 minutes. This is called behavioral activation. It is useful to celebrate your successes (for example, today you went for a walk for 10 minutes).

Still from the film “Helpless” © kinopoisk

Results

Thus, we can say that the meaning of life is not an abstract philosophical phenomenon (although, of course, one can rant on this topic for a long time) and it is not an unanswered question.

• The meaning of life is the concept of life of a particular person. A set of his personal provisions, rules, beliefs, values. This is all supported by internal personal psychological characteristics and external conditions, the concept of society.
• The meaning of life includes goals for the future, but begins with the present, and even the past makes its contribution to changes in the semantic orientations of the individual. The first semantic questions and guidelines appear in adolescence (searching for oneself in the present, without focusing on the future), in adolescence a person makes plans for the future, in adulthood he implements them (if necessary, adjusting them according to real possibilities), in old age he evaluates, measures your success.
• The meaning of life is your perception and understanding of life and yourself, the awareness of ownership of your life and the codependence of the meaning of life and your actions. That’s why you don’t want anything right now because there’s no point.

Do you know that it is passivity that people most often regret in old age, when they begin to evaluate their life, that is, their achievements? I would like to quote the Soviet psychologist and philosopher Sergei Leonidovich Rubinstein: “My attitude towards my own death is determined by two circumstances: firstly, how complete, and not cut short, my life will be by the time of death, how complete it will be at least to some extent.” plan, and, secondly, to what extent I did not abandon, abandon, or leave to the mercy of fate those people who need me.”

That is, you need to be active and active, to endow each step with meaning, and highly significant. The meaning of life is a changeable element. Finding it is not enough, you need to constantly implement it. As goals (meanings) are achieved, based on them, find a continuation - new meanings.

Among the main meanings we can name the meaning:

• to be loved;
• be happy;
• be educated;
• to be a successful specialist;
• helping people and more.

Note that each of these meanings is subjective. Each person has his own idea of ​​love, education, and happiness. I don’t know what you put into this goal, but I know that any main meaning (goal) can be divided into auxiliary meanings (tasks), which are quite achievable if they are real.

Thus, to find the meaning of life, you need to recognize your own resources and develop a concept for managing them. Get to know yourself, develop, plan your life, be active. Live, don't exist!

Aphorisms for the occasion - for the sake of thought

The beauty of aphorisms is that each person interprets them in his own way. I offer you several popular sayings of great people about the meaning of life. Perhaps this will be a “magic kick” for you. Well, take a little break from the previous “overload”.

• A. Ananyev: “The goal of life cannot consist only of the promised eternal bliss; the golden gates of heaven awaiting us, to which only we should turn our thoughts and deeds, is wonderful; but there is, that is, there must certainly be something else... that brings satisfaction not in the mythical future, but today, here on earth. The purpose of life is the desire for immortality (even just name); The meaning of life is the choice of path (and actions) to achieve a goal.”
• Aristotle: “What is the meaning of life? Serve others and do good. Every person individually and everyone together has, one might say, a certain goal, in pursuit of which they choose one thing and avoid another... Happiness is the goal of life.”
• V. Belinsky: “Without a goal there is no activity, without interests there is no goal, and without activity there is no life.”
• W. James: “Believe in the fact that there is something to live for, and your faith will help this fact come true.”
• P. Coelho: “Life is a mystery that you must be able to accept and not torment yourself with the constant question: “What is the meaning of my life?” It’s better to fill your life with meaning and things that are important to you.”
• B. Pascal: “The past and present are our means, only the future is our goal.”
• P. Tkachev: “The life goal of each individual is to preserve and maintain his individuality.”
• T. Wilder: “Life has no other meaning than the one we give it.”
• O. Wilde: “The purpose of life is self-expression. To manifest our essence in its entirety - that’s what we live for.”

Popular traps

In your search for meaning in life, you can fall into several traps.

Dependent Relationships

This is if you decide to look for yourself in family and love. Perhaps you just imagined a family with a dozen children and are now afraid of not being able to make it in time. This is the other extreme of your current condition. You can not do it this way. You can’t cling to a random passerby, you can’t give birth to children because “you have to.” You need to clearly plan and rationally evaluate every step. Remember the main conditions for realizing the meaning of life: realism, consistency, feasibility.

Workaholism

This is an escape from reality. This is the opposite of laziness. Work cannot replace family, communication with friends, and leisure. It is not safe. Work takes up all your thoughts, and you constantly begin to feel anxious. You cannot help but work, but even while working you are constantly anxious. At the same time, the ability to empathize and establish social contacts decreases. A workaholic does not want to solve interpersonal problems, but you and I remember that life makes sense with global values ​​and interaction with society. Gradually this develops into dissatisfaction with oneself and the question of the meaninglessness of existence arises again.

False meanings, or self-destruction

By which I mean self-destructive behavior (not always conscious). I have heard the phrases “my meaning in life is to waste my life”, “I am a party animal, and this is the meaning of my life”, “self-destruction as the meaning of life”, “searching for the meaning of life through self-destruction”, “the meaning of life is to try everything” ( for some reason the most accessible, dangerous, trivial), “gather a collection of women/men.” These are not meanings. This is a waste of given time and potential. With such attitudes, the re-awareness of meaninglessness usually comes in old age or late adulthood. Against this background, a crisis develops that can end in depression and even suicide.

Form habits and rituals

You've probably noticed that if you don't brush your teeth in the morning, you'll most likely feel bad throughout the day. And the point is not about hygiene, but about the fact that the usual ritual was disrupted. The brain, repeating the same actions, gets used to a certain behavior, and if you go out of rhythm somewhere, you thereby disrupt stability and the brain begins to get nervous. Therefore, if you feel in a state of uncertainty and unpredictability, deliberately “drive” yourself into the system by forming new [useful habits (https://theoryandpractice.ru/posts/16486-povtor-poleznykh-deystviy-kak-nauchitsya-formirovat-privychki ).

Use all your talents

Gary Vaynerchuk knows wine, video and business. He launched Wine Library TV, a webcast dedicated to wine. Steve Jobs understood design and technology. He created Apple.

Most of us view our abilities vertically. We choose one talent and try to succeed somewhere with it. Instead, you can look at your abilities horizontally and create a unique combination of skills, abilities and aspirations.

Think about where such a mix might be useful? Usually we try to fit into the existing business model and adapt to the needs of employers. We say: “I am ready to do anything in the name of financial success.”

Wouldn't it be better to think about what makes you unique and how that will help you achieve success? Make an action plan. You will realize how great it is to be yourself.

Don't rely on a financial miracle

When we decide to change our lives, we hope for help from above. Winning the lottery, inheritance, financial miracle. Stop. Don't go crazy.

The ability to create something important despite obvious difficulties is one of the best qualities of a person. You must develop this character trait. You can't hope that someone or something will come to your aid.

Evaluate everything soberly and plan your budget. Even if it is difficult, boring and sad because of the amount of money in your account. Without cash payments, it is impossible to proceed to action. So stop dreaming.