Women's intuition rarely fails: if it seems that he is using you, you should think hard about whether you need a relationship with a person who makes you doubt yourself.
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Nothing good happens when you find out you are being used. You feel disgusting, like someone spat all over your face. To avoid finding yourself in such a situation, read our points that will help you identify a dishonest man and leave him in time.
Better look at our project: “Big conversation about “this” . All about sex in the digital age and about:
Who are digitalsexuals and what turns them on? What is telediltonics? Why do people get into polygamous relationships? Is it possible to find a great sexual partner on Tinder?
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7 signs that he only wants sex
Indifference
When a girl is valued, she will not be allowed to deal with her difficulties on her own. If you get sick, he will rush over with medicine. Problems around the house - he will come and help and so on. When the girl is not important, the following outcome of events will occur: “Are you late, trouble? It happens, be strong”, “It will be difficult to bring the washing machine into the apartment... Ask your friends, let them help” Indifference will manifest itself in literally everything.
How a man reacts to such situations can help determine why he needs a girl. To be taken advantage of, or does he truly appreciate and love her.
Psychologists' opinion
Nature predetermines the difference between male and female views on various spheres of life. Thus, many girls are sure that when experiencing strong love it is impossible to additionally harbor self-interest or intend to hurt their loved one. Of course, there are exceptions to all rules, but statistics only show the values of the majority and minority. Thus, research proves that in most cases it is the man who knows how and uses the woman, and not vice versa.
But nothing happens without a reason. No matter how painful and difficult it is to realize, a man’s behavior is only a reflection of how a woman allows herself to be treated, how much she values herself. If he is not interested in your life, it means that it was not initially laid down that women’s interests and personal affairs should be valued on an equal basis with men’s. Don't stand up and blame only one side. In any problem, both are always to blame.
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The main reasons why a woman allows herself to be used:
- frank dependence in moral and material terms on a partner;
- prolonged loneliness and the desire to be loved;
- low self-esteem, misunderstanding, inability to defend one’s own boundaries;
- being in euphoria from the feeling of love, endowing the beloved with qualities not inherent to him.
How to avoid getting into dangerous relationships
To maintain your peace of mind, your heart, and even your integrity, equip yourself with the most important tool: mindfulness. Reflection should become your constant habit. When communicating with new people, always listen to yourself: is there pressure, are you experiencing resistance that you are struggling with, or for some reason suddenly awakened desires.
At first, constantly monitoring your state when communicating with people will not be easy, so arm yourself with a pen and a diary or an application on your phone and write everything down.
The meeting ended - we arrived home and immediately recorded it. Such and such a date, met such and such. The first impression is something like this. I felt like this. I found out something about him. These small sketches will help you understand yourself better, and will subsequently become a good help if the relationship develops and you want to analyze the candidate.
Gender differences and reactions to infidelity
As a rule, men and women evaluate their partner’s betrayal differently, which, in turn, gives different emotional overtones to their reactions.
It's important not to generalize too much—what's true for some people isn't true for others, but there is evidence that most people's responses are at least partially consistent with typical behavior for their gender. Understanding these biological and cultural programs, while variable and imprecise, should shed some light on your response to infidelity so that you may not feel so alone or abnormal. This will help your partner understand your feelings better. In general, women are determined to restore and maintain relationships; men - finish and look for a new partner. Women are more likely to become depressed and blame themselves; men are more likely to get angry and attack others, including in the imagination. Women are more likely to attribute infidelity to their overall unworthiness; men - their sexual inadequacy. Women tend to exaggerate the significance of infidelity and spend more time healing; men are able to separate themselves from the pain and move on.
He is interested in what you can provide him
Often such people are willing to discuss what you have and what is missing in their life. “This is presented, of course, as the fact that they are proud of your achievements. And it's not always about material values, says relationship coach Greg Michaelson. - If you or people close to you have a high social status, you are known and you are accepted in circles that your partner is interested in, then you may also be of interest to him. Especially if he has big career ambitions or if he craves publicity and fame."
Why does a man use a woman?
In any analysis, it is initially necessary to identify the reasons for such behavior of the stronger sex. There are a huge variety of them, ranging from psychological problems and traumas from childhood to opportunism under the authority of a strong companion for subsequent self-affirmation. Contrary to logic, sometimes girls themselves try to make life easier for their loved one in every possible way, not noticing how they are driving themselves into the cage of his laziness and insatiable self-interest.
So, the goal of men in using a woman is:
- regular, tested, unencumbered sex;
- the opportunity to receive free material support;
- using her position and connections in society to increase her own importance or build a career;
- increasing the level of comfort when using her living space or herself as a free housekeeper.
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Family life analysis
In married life there are many worries that arise against the backdrop of everyday disagreements. Many are an integral part of the family that just need to be experienced and overcome together. But it happens that responsibilities are distributed unevenly, the wife carries the entire burden of household chores, while the husband is only an outside observer of her efforts and does nothing. There is no need to accept as the norm the gender distribution of responsibilities imposed by the way of life of past generations. Modern society has long reconsidered the role of women in the family.
Nowadays, a harmonious family life consists of an even distribution of household chores. Men go on maternity leave, know the nuances of using a dishwasher and do not consider it shameful to wipe off dust or wash the sink. Just like the generally accepted high position of a woman in leadership positions, screwing in a light bulb, driving a car. Under no circumstances should you put up with a drone husband. But unlike the period of walking home and clarifying disagreements by correspondence, family is a big responsibility, especially if there are small children.
If there are threats in the house, manipulation of mood, alternating periods of affection and indifference, groundless criticism, possessiveness and reluctance to support the family, then there is a reason for a serious conversation. Sometimes it helps better than decisive action. After all, it shouldn’t be ruled out that the husband is really tired at work, and his mood is affected by lack of sleep due to children’s whims or a crisis. But, if there is no reaction to the expressed feelings, or it manifests itself in irritability and dismissals, and resentment and fatigue accumulate behind your back, then you will no longer be able to find happiness in such a marriage.
How to understand that a man’s personal qualities do not suit you?
How can you see and cut off the owners of vices at the initial stage of communication?
With drugs and alcohol, everything is more or less clear. Signs of alcoholism and drug addiction are visible externally and noticeable in behavior and communication. If you have never met people with addiction, look at articles on the Internet: there is a lot of material on how to recognize whether a person is using drugs.
Aggression, anger, and swearing are also difficult to disguise. If swear words slip into everyday life, and even more so in communication with a woman, then in quarrels and extreme conditions there will definitely be selective curse words, and perhaps there will be other manifestations of aggression.
Self-pity, external locus of control and indecision can also be calculated quite quickly.
But mistrust, jealousy and cowardice can be hidden for a long time. As, indeed, lies and betrayal. You need to watch and listen to the person very carefully and ask leading questions. Unfortunately, a disregard for the feelings of loved ones also emerges only in the right situation. But if communication already allows for heart-to-heart conversations, you can find out what a person will do if he has to choose between the feelings of loved ones and personal gain, for example.
How to recognize a pick-up artist
With professional pick-up artists who master NLP and Ericksonian hypnosis techniques, it can be quite difficult to resist sex immediately after meeting. Your own lifeline will be your own activity!
Accept the attitude that a man’s interest in you, especially when demonstrated immediately after meeting, in no way means that he is suitable for you.
Ask him a million questions, but avoid touching and long eye-to-eye looks. Don't let the conversation turn into meaningless chatter or poetry recitation. Persistently ask your man about things that are important to you.
Start with simple questions that filter by social status, education, hobbies, values and motivation. A normal man will be pleased that you are interested in him, and he may not be very eloquent, but he will tell you about his life, his values and goals. The pickup artist is afraid of intimacy like fire, and therefore will tell fables or tales.
Or he will be mysterious and won’t tell you anything really about himself, and will even make you feel like a cynical bitch: instead of appreciating his soul’s wonderful impulses, you suddenly find out where he lives, what he drives, how much he earns and how he communicates with relatives (as if you are already asking the price).
Don’t think that you can only run into a pick-up artist in a nightclub or at parties. Shops, parks and places where smart, interesting women gather, such as seminars and open lectures, are quite suitable places for hunting, and predators are in such places. We must be careful, but this does not mean that you cannot go anywhere. On the contrary, it's time to expand the circle. If you're afraid of wolves, don't go into the forest!
Stranger girls
