The statistics are relentless, especially when it comes to adultery. In Russia, almost 75% of men have cheated on their legal spouse at least once with another woman. The fair sex turned out to be more conscientious - among women only 25% were unfaithful. Every wife intuitively understands whether her husband has a mistress, because representatives of the stronger sex reveal themselves too clearly. You can identify a cheater by several signs.
Changes in behavior2
Many men, when cheating on their significant other, experience a strong feeling of guilt. In order to somehow whiten themselves in front of their wife, they begin to give gifts, delight with surprises and do what the woman asked a month ago. The man started bringing flowers for no reason, which meant he had a mistress. And this is not a stereotype, but a fact based on the experience of millions of families.
Other young men, on the contrary, begin to criticize their woman and constantly find fault with her. This is due to the irritation that his constant companion causes him. He compares her to his mistress and sees obvious shortcomings. He is infuriated by the way his wife walks, sits, speaks, how she breathes, what hairstyle she does. If a woman has not previously noticed such behavior, then this may indicate betrayal.
If earlier in the relationship there were constant conflicts and scandals associated with the husband’s dissatisfaction, and he abruptly stopped showing them, this also indirectly indicates infidelity. He simply doesn’t care whether his wife washed the dishes or ironed his shirt before work, since his thoughts are occupied by another woman who is devoid of such shortcomings.
Attentiveness and intuition will help you notice such changes. If emotions sometimes interfere with making the right choice, then observation and listening to your sixth sense never do.
Sex
The laws of physics (if it has come somewhere, it means it has gone somewhere) also apply to sexual relations. The lack of intimate life is another reason to think that the husband has a mistress.
Behavior changes during sex. The man becomes distracted and dreamy. It seems that the partner is absent.
The opposite scenario of intimate behavior described above can also be a sign of betrayal. A man begins to experiment in bed - new positions, games, areas of the body.
“Relationships” with gadgets4
Everyone has long been accustomed to the fact that modern people take their phone with them even to the restroom for no reason. Therefore, this fact alone cannot indicate infidelity. But if a man is openly afraid to leave his phone next to his wife, gets nervous when she picks it up, and does not allow her to answer any calls, this indicates that he has something to hide.
You can notice with an unfaithful man that he began to correspond more often in instant messengers and spends a long time on the phone. He becomes embarrassed and changes his tone of voice if his wife suddenly enters the room during his conversation (this occurs only among men who are conscientious and inexperienced in terms of cheating). He talks in another room so that his wife doesn’t hear, etc.
The same goes for the computer. People don't have to see each other every day to maintain a relationship. Correspondence by email or on social networks can be noticed by the wife, so the man abruptly closes the browser tabs if his wife is nearby, limits her access to the computer, or even buys her a new one (especially if he feels guilty).
Emotions
A married couple is, first of all, a man and a woman who tend to naturally express emotions of mutual love:
- kisses;
- hugs;
- compliments.
A man’s refusal of these emotional manifestations towards his wife should raise alarm bells.
Changes in bed6
The irony of fate: even if there is more sex, the spouse may not be in a hurry to rejoice. Among unfaithful husbands, there are two extremes: either making amends to his wife in bed, or completely cooling off towards her. A man may suddenly offer new positions, or do something that he has not done before, but that you asked for. At the same time, it is noticeable that he becomes less resilient. In other cases, representatives of the stronger sex simply do not react to their wife, coming up with ridiculous excuses like: “My head hurts.”
Appearance
The husband begins to carefully monitor his appearance.
- Signs up for the gym;
- Buys new clothes;
- Carefully monitors the change of underwear;
- Takes a shower more often than usual and wears perfume.
An emphasis on appearance is a clear sign of something new in relationships with the opposite sex.
Sports activities10
This is one of the most common factors by which you can recognize whether there is a mistress. Going to the gym is very convenient for a cheater. Firstly, he improves his physical shape so that the new lady will like him (even if previously all his exercise was limited to a quick walk from the kitchen to the sofa). Secondly, under the pretext of training, he may stay late after work, leave home in the evening, etc. Especially the zeal for an active lifestyle should alert the wives of lazy men who prefer relaxing in a comfortable chair to active walks.
Food
Your partner's taste preferences change. As a rule, a man who has a mistress is a well-fed man. The old truism works well in reality - the way to the heart of the stronger sex is through food.
This knowledge is used by women who do not neglect relationships with married men, trying to impress their lover with their personal culinary art.
No one canceled visits to cafes and restaurants. This pastime has been and remains one of the most popular.
A man should come home from work hungry. If the situation looks different, it's worth thinking about.
Read 5 main advantages of being a woman alone
Avoiding lunch snacks is another red flag. Food prepared by the wife is the love and care of the other half. Reluctance to take home-cooked food to work means an internal rejection of the above-mentioned emotional messages.
We recommend reading:
Why does my husband cheat and what to do about it; Crisis in relationships; What kind of women do men like?
Changes in the car11
A man's favorite car is a source of pride. They especially love to show them off in front of women. If he starts going to the car wash frequently, and the car suddenly becomes perfectly clean, this may indicate a desire to amaze someone. Probably a woman.
A differently configured or completely unfolded passenger seat next to the driver, women's hair, the smell of women's perfume in the car - all this indirectly indicates the presence of a passion that is carried in this car.
There will definitely be a few strange things in your husband's car if he has a mistress. These could be ladies' cigarettes, cosmetics items, small accessories and other seemingly harmless items.
To be fair, some of these changes don't always indicate cheating. The disclosure must be approached comprehensively in order to find out for sure whether there is a mistress.
Let's summarize
How do you know if your husband likes another woman? Go through the list and see if the signs match the changes in your marital life? However, we should not forget that one or two signs cannot 100% guarantee that the spouse has begun to walk to the left. However, this should be a signal to you that there are some problems in the relationship and it's time to work on them.
But if you are completely sure that your partner has someone else and he is unfaithful to you, then in this case it is not recommended to be alone with this information. Talk to him frankly or seek help from a psychologist. You can't be alone with your problems and fears. Life does not end here, and you can still return the love of your husband or meet another person. Surely you have close people who will always come to the rescue and provide support in such a difficult stage of life.
By the way, as a very first step, you can watch a video of one of the independent professional psychologists discussing this topic. Click on the screen below right now.
How to get rid of the fear of betrayal?
It happens that doubts turn out to be groundless, and suspicions arise only from the fear of another loss or betrayal. Psychologist Marta Marchuk believes
that the best and surest way to feel good in any relationship and not be afraid of betrayal, not wait for a catch, not twitch, not frantically check your phone and not look to see if there is lipstick on your shirt is to be a self-sufficient woman. This means being completely independent in every sense, from material to psychological, emotional and mental.
“The fear of betrayal can have many reasons: betrayal in past relationships, betrayal in the parental family, betrayal in current relationships, low self-esteem, codependency in relationships. It is possible to get rid of the fear of betrayal by working through the causes of this fear (in psychotherapy) and creating closer, deeper and more trusting relationships with your partner. Very often, cheating is a form of despair. It occurs because certain desires and needs in a relationship are not satisfied, and a person begins to look for their satisfaction on the side. Why is it so painful to experience jealousy and/or betrayal? When we are cheated on, we seem to receive a message - there is someone better than you, you are unworthy/unworthy of your partner, you are not in first place. That is, the feeling of security is lost, there is a loss of close connection. Cheating is not just about sex. It’s about concealment, about a lie, about a secret, about the fact that you were excluded from a certain zone, your loved one now has a piece of only his territory, a piece of land on the fence of which there is a sign “No entry” for you,” comments Maria Babushkina.
Finance
A relationship with a mistress is always an additional expense. The excuses are varied:
- car maintenance has become more expensive;
- bought expensive tires;
- wages were cut;
- did not pay the promised bonus.
Increased costs are becoming systematic.
Should I contact a private detective to find out if my husband is cheating or not?
The help of a specialist, of course, will help dispel all doubts, but in this case it is also worth weighing the pros and cons.
When it's appropriate
You know for sure that adultery took place, but all your evidence is indirect. You are sure that you want a divorce, but you need to have in your hands the irrefutable facts that the marriage broke down through no fault of yours. This is important not only for himself, but also for persistent relatives whom the husband can convince of his “innocence.” This information may be useful to the court - especially if you have a prenuptial agreement. The detective will be able to find out about everything your husband does outside the walls of his home. But be prepared for the fact that surveillance may take up to a week, incurring significant expenses.
When it's inappropriate
Your guesses are unclear, and you do not rule out that your husband’s betrayal is just a figment of your imagination. If you hire a detective and your husband somehow finds out about it while being absolutely faithful to you, it could lead to divorce.
Another good reason: your reluctance to get a divorce. You know for sure that no matter what, you are not ready to divorce your spouse. The presence of children and other circumstances may have an effect. Then there is no need for you to try to bring him to clean water. If your spouse is trying to hide infidelity from you, it means that he also does not want to ruin the family, and, most likely, his affair will not last long. Telling your husband that you know for sure about the affair will put you at a disadvantage. The chosen one will understand that, despite his misconduct, you are not going to leave, which could result in changes for the worse for your couple - he will stop hiding, and will not be afraid of losing you.
My husband is cheating on me, what should I do, should I forgive the betrayal?
So, there is no doubt - the lover has an affair on the side. How best to behave in such a situation.
A frank conversation will help you figure it out
Realizing that you are not going to put up with your spouse’s betrayal, and if he does not cut off the connection on the side, you are ready to leave him, bring him into a direct conversation. Tell your husband that his infidelity is no secret to you, and ask what further development of the situation he sees. Speak calmly and evenly. Even if there is excitement in your words, you shouldn’t break into a scream and lead to a scandal. If your husband declares that he has decided to choose someone else or is undecided, then you will need to either leave the house yourself, or send him out and start preparing for a divorce. Yes, when starting a conversation, be prepared that you will have to take such a drastic step. If there is no possibility of divorce, then there is no point in initiating such conversations.
Wait until things calm down
If you see that your husband repents and does not want to lose you, then give yourself and him a break. Say that it hurts you to know that your family is faced with such a situation, and you need a few days to think about what to do next. It would be nice to go somewhere during this time, where you can collect your thoughts. This will also be a good shake-up for your husband. Upon arrival, tell him that you are ready to forgive him, but if something like this happens again, there will be no second chance.
Work on your relationships to keep your family together
After a frank conversation with your chosen one, you probably understood why he cheated. If you decide to forgive him and save your family, and in return he promised to remain faithful to you, then it’s time to change something in your life together. You won't help matters if you constantly walk around offended, reminding your husband about his affair. Try to start the relationship as if from scratch.
Organize some exciting trip for your family, where you will gain new positive impressions. Meet with mutual friends more often, take care of your husband. All this needs to be done if you are determined to save the marriage. Having refused another woman, the spouse must understand that if he had acted differently, he would have made a big mistake. If from then on only his constantly offended wife remains next to him, then he may regret his choice. Therefore, if you do not feel internally ready to rebuild your marriage, then think about whether your family needs such a “second chance”?
Taking care of your psycho-physical condition
Even if you decide that you can forgive your spouse and are ready to continue living as a family with him, it is possible that the stress you have experienced will make itself felt over time. A woman who is faced with the betrayal of a loved one often has a decrease in self-esteem, and she stops liking herself.
Take care of yourself. If you are unhappy with something about your figure, then it's time to join a gym or try a new diet. Go for some cosmetic procedures, change or slightly refresh your hairstyle, treat yourself to a long-awaited purchase. If you feel that you cannot cope with what happened yourself, think about going to a psychoanalyst.
Stealth
If a previously sociable man becomes silent and mysterious, you need to pay attention to his actions. An unfaithful partner is unlikely to confess to a woman every pleasant (or not so pleasant) moment of the past day, since the need for communication is compensated by the new lover.
If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .
Hiding accounts on social networks from your constant companion suggests the idea of treason.
Secrecy due to adultery includes the desire to keep the phone nearby. An alert or call makes you nervous and leave the premises.
Mood swings
Deceived girls can observe the following picture: their loved one returns from work in high spirits, but easily begins to get angry at every little thing. The man begins to rudely express his opinion about the shortcomings of his other half, which he had not spoken about before.
It is possible that the habits were not liked before, but did not become a cause of irritation. When a mistress appears, the possibility of comparison arises, which cannot be voiced in person.
Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .
You should not assume that claims arise only when a new passion appears.
But the situation must be corrected through a compromise that will suit both sides. The comparison refers to signs of a guy cheating at a distance, as the man begins to look for excuses for his actions. Then the subconscious “finds” justification in the imperfections of the beloved. One-time and constant betrayals change a man’s attitude towards criticism. The ability to objectively perceive is lost. The words of a regular partner are regarded as nagging, the remarks of a lover - as compliments.
The cheater becomes hot-tempered and suspicious, because he worries that he has come under the suspicion of his partner. Therefore, simple questions can be answered rudely.
Intuition
For psychology, this ability of the concept of truth without the use of logic refers to the unconscious actions of the human brain. Intuition is a thinking mechanism that cannot be explained or justified logically, but which unmistakably suggests the correct solution to a problem.
Often the first sign of betrayal is the feeling that “something has changed.” A sensitive and intelligent woman will feel changes in her partner even with the latter’s absolute control of external factors.
But you should not take radical actions based solely on an intuitive feeling. It is possible that this ability is absent or underdeveloped. Assumptions of the subconscious become a support when searching for evidence of betrayal, but not the main evidence.
It is worth remembering that the signs of male infidelity are only symptoms that are not evidence of infidelity. Situations are possible in which a man does not reveal himself by any of the listed points, and vice versa. Suspicions require objective observation and a confidential conversation with a partner.
If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .
Where to run
Based on one of the signs, you are unlikely to be able to determine or find out that a guy is cheating on you. It is very difficult to find out whether your man is dating someone else or not. Remember that unnecessary suspicions and accusations can play a cruel joke on you.
One of my clients was outrageously jealous. She couldn't stand the presence of a girl next to her boyfriend, even at work. And she silenced him so much at one point that he simply ran away from her. Surely your boyfriend loves you and is just going through a difficult period in his life, so he spends less time at home and often takes out his anger on you.
But preventing the appearance of a rival is entirely in your hands. I bring to your attention the article “How to be a better mistress” and Irina Korchagina’s book “Prevention of Cheating.”
What signs have you noticed in your man? What seems suspicious to you? Have you ever cheated yourself?
Love and trust each other. I wish you a good day!
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