I will be always with you! How men become stalkers

Stalking

(from the English stalking, pronounced “stocking” - pursuit) - unwanted intrusive attention to one person from another person or group of people. Stalking is a form of harassment and intimidation; As a rule, it is expressed in stalking the victim, tracking her.

Typical stalker behavior includes persistent phone calls and telephone harassment, sending unwanted gifts, stalking and spying, unwanted email and other forms of online harassment, and threatening or intimidating behavior.

It should not be confused with stalking as a type of industrial tourism, which consists in exploring little-studied/abandoned places that can be dangerous to human health and life; in this context stalker

- someone who is passionate about searching and exploring little-known, often life-threatening places and who is a guide to such places.

Psychology and behavior of false stalkers [edit | edit code ]

Although false stalkers themselves often claim that their actions are dictated by attraction, love or jealousy, according to psychologists, the true motivation of false stalkers is the desire to establish control over the victim [1] [3]. The behavior of false stalkers, as a rule, is cyclical and in this way is similar to domestic violence: starting with attempts to “prove his love” by sending letters, flowers or gifts to the victim, the false stalker then moves on to insults and threats, which ultimately can lead to execution [3] .

Your digital shadow: cyberstalkers

It’s hard to say what’s scarier: when someone you know or an anonymous person from social networks is following on your heels. Daria, who was faced with the second option, describes a chilling story.

“In 2016, a very stubborn guy became attached to me. It all started with the creation of my fakes on Twitter: the guy took my design, avatar, posted tweets in the style of “I work there, and also - I’m a fallen woman and I suck around the clock,” and wrote nasty things to friends on my behalf. The accounts were quickly blocked, but that didn’t stop him. In January, he leaked my real address with the comment: “You’ll know how to write about feminism.” Walk and look around!’ At this point I seriously panicked. In the third account, a person posted a photo of my entrance - not something from the Internet, but with a flash. That is, he tried, he came himself - security cameras recorded camera flashes at the entrance. He also leaked a photo of my car and, worst of all, a photo of my parents with photoshopped mourning ribbons. He started writing obituaries, saying that I, my parents and the dog died in a car accident. And, in addition to this, the stalker regularly posted advertisements on automobile websites: they say, I sell cheap cars. He also registered on my behalf in groups of prostitutes, met men - they called me every minute, it was simply impossible to touch the phone. I’m sure that all this was done by one person, because the accounts are registered to the same number.”

Fortunately, the ardent antifeminist was exhausted, and Daria, as usually happens in such situations, was helped by psychotherapy. The police did not see a real threat to life.

In June, Anna Gekht, production editor of one of the educational projects, admitted on Facebook that for a long time she was embarrassed to talk about the stalking she experienced. “I still blame myself for that situation. She was too friendly or, you know, even cheeky. At times I imagine what phrases I shouldn’t have said and written, what films I shouldn’t have gone to and what clothes I shouldn’t have worn,” this is how the girl began her post.

“We studied at the same university at the same faculty, in different groups and in different departments. Considering my constant employment at work, we almost never collided. Until I needed lectures on any of the subjects. I was raised to be polite, so I offered to exchange coffee or something stronger for the materials. Then we started becoming friends. It seemed to me that everything was exactly like that. At that time, my friend and colleague lived in my apartment, from time to time we held parties, where we once invited my stalker. Then he found out not only my phone numbers, but also my address.

And then he turned up in front of my entrance, when my friend had already moved out, he called the intercom and cell phone, asking me to open the door. Then he no longer asked, but demanded. I remember hanging up the intercom so as not to hear this sound, and turning off the sound on the phone. I remember getting through to the police and hearing the classic “What are they threatening you with? Sex? So relax and have fun."

I can break down my reaction in seconds when I went on VKontakte and saw a message from him, he said that I had gotten into his soul very deeply during our communication, and I had to repay, and by payment he means sex. And I did not understand, neither then nor now, what I could do to deserve such treatment.

You know, it then subsided. This person first sent me photos of me from behind somewhere on the streets of the city, which made me think that I was being followed. Then he called me to a meeting (during which I asked a friend to be at the next table to save me if anything happened), at which he told me that he simply loved me. This man at my graduation drinking party on the monument took off my breasts or my panties, which forced me to retreat from there much earlier than I wanted. And this same person wrote to me a few years later (and I still don’t know why) that he had found his other half.

But this story is not about this person, this is a story about me. About the one who prefers to remain silent about such events, because it is shameful in our culture. Because the woman is always to blame.

For me, the solution was a clear “mouth to ear” rule - that is, talk through all the agreements, values ​​and desires that you have, and listen to your friend/partner. If at this stage you do not agree, and the interlocutor wants something more, but you are not ready to give it, and he is not satisfied with this, it is easier and safer to end the relationship immediately.

It seems to me that if this happened again, I would under no circumstances try to meet with the stalker and listen to him again.”

This rule is confirmed by Giorgi Natsvlishvili: “Under no circumstances come into contact with stalkers - they love attention.”

The nightmare for Anna ended when the stalker began a relationship, and the girl herself moved to another city.

Consequences for victims of stalking [edit | edit code]

According to surveys, as a result of stalking, victims experience fear and anxiety, begin to suffer from panic attacks, nightmares, insomnia, and depression [1] [3]. Victims may also suffer economic losses associated with decreased ability to work, forced purchase of goods for self-defense, forced change of job or even place of residence [3] .

In the case of stalking by a former partner, the stalking is often accompanied by physical violence, including the murder of the victim. According to the 1998 US National Survey on Violence Against Women, three-quarters of female victims who were stalked by their intimate partners were also physically abused by the partner [3]. Another study found that 76% of women who were killed by a partner or ex-partner were stalked by their killers in the 12 months before the murder [4] .

Psychology of persecution

Psychologists divide stalking into two types: psychotic and non-psychotic.

Non-psychotic stalking can arise due to neurosis due to unrequited love. It can be associated with borderline personality disorder (in which a person experiences attachment problems) or adjustment disorder. In such cases, long-term psychotherapy helps.

Medications are used to correct the behavior of psychotic stalkers—those who became stalkers due to bipolar affective or schizoaffective disorder.

True, in the modern world, the boundary between normality and pathology is so blurred that only the object of stalking can determine whether the cuckoo has moved away from the admirer.

“Don’t you notice that stalking is a cultural norm? - Jinnah is surprised. — It’s normal to have several numbers, throw each other on the blacklist and get them out of it. So you went through all the likes on his page and the pages of his friends to figure out his girlfriend. And then they posted a photo with the guy to make her jealous. Now let the first one calculate it by the likes on your profile. It’s clear that everyone is jealous, everyone wants a monogamous relationship, but is this a reason to get under your skin?”

We are already silent about the indispensable desire of madly in love to get the crash number and hack the correspondence. Yes, yes, this is discussed in everyday conversations over coffee or during a break between couples. Stalking has become such a part of our lives that it is no wonder that we ourselves cross the border of what is permissible—after all, there is practically none.

PS This text is written about male stalkers, because there are no official statistics on female stalkers. But the editors of “The Knife” want to understand the other side of the problem. Therefore, we ask men who have been subjected to stalking or excessively intrusive attention from women to send their stories to [email protected] with the subject “Female Stalker.” Or fill out the anonymous form here.

Legislation [ edit | edit code ]

In many countries around the world, stalking is a crime. However, some actions and tactics used by stalkers may be legal, such as collecting information, making phone calls, giving gifts, sending letters, emails or instant messages. These actions become illegal when they violate the legal definition of harassment. For example, according to UK laws, to qualify behavior as stalking, two incidents are sufficient, provided that the stalker knows that his actions are undesirable: these could be two phone calls to a stranger, two gifts, one case of physically following the victim and one phone call, etc. p. [5]

I was looking for WHAT IS THE CALL OF A PERSON WHO WATCHES ANOTHER PERSON

. FOUND! For example, if you call a person your friend, he will soon feel friendly feelings towards you. And if you want to work for someone, call him boss. Magic, Fortune telling Society, Politics, Media Legal advice Leisure, Entertainment Travel, Tourism Humor Food, Cooking Work, Career About Mail.Ru projects Animals, Plants Family, Home, Children Other Dating There is such a disease in psychology: a person likes to follow others. But he can’t just look at others - he needs to spy: “The forbidden fruit is sweet.” What is the name of the person who keeps order on the beach?

Alexandra's story

Three years ago, the founder of the How to Green project, Alexandra Novikova, began receiving messages on social networks from an unfamiliar man. At first, she didn’t see anything suspicious in this - the subscriber was interested in a healthy lifestyle and nutrition. She answered all his questions, but he continued to write her messages and leave comments. Alexandra explained to the stranger that she was uncomfortable when a stranger bombarded her with messages. But the subscriber only became more active: when she blocked him, he created new accounts and continued to leave comments. This began to happen every day.

“Then he started writing me emails,” says Sasha. – All this lasted for about a year, emails came every day. He talked about how he was planning our life together. Then he wrote that he had arrived in Moscow, and began to tell me every day what was waiting for me in the restaurant.”

When Alexandra went on vacation with her family, the stalker suddenly disappeared - emails from him stopped coming. Sasha sighed calmly. One day, when she was having lunch with her family, an unfamiliar young man approached the table and invited her for coffee. It turned out that it was Mikhail (name changed at the request of the heroine) - her pursuer. He identified Alexandra by geolocation and came to the island where she was vacationing. “Mom didn’t understand at first why I was so scared,” says Sasha. “She thought I was making a big deal out of a mountain.” But then I showed her the emails from this person, and she realized that his behavior was a really big problem for me.”

Alexandra's father forced Mikhail to leave and asked him never to come again. That night Sasha slept in the same room with her mother - she was scared and expected anything from her pursuer. In Moscow, he again tried to meet the girl. She contacted the police, but they told her that they could not do anything: there were no direct threats from the young man. “His emails became more and more frightening, he began to write not only to me, but also to dad,” says Sasha. “And I couldn’t do anything about it.” As far as I know, the situation resolved itself - the young man ended up in a psychiatric clinic. I haven’t heard anything about him for a couple of years.”

What is stalking

Stalking (from English to stalk - to pursue) is a form of violent behavior that includes Brian Spitzberg.
William Cupach. The State of the Art of Stalking: Taking Stock of the Emerging Literature / Aggression and Violent Behavior, A Review Journal includes obsessive attention to another person, surveillance, threats and harassment. Victims experience not just discomfort, but fear. This is exactly what they think. What is stalking? Definition and FAQ's / The Stalking Prevention, Awareness, & Resource Center (SPARC) hallmark of stalking. He always looks menacing.

In some Western countries, such as Great Britain, NHSGGC Policy on Stalking. The management of work related persistent unwanted intrusions or relationships. / NHS and USA Overview of Stalking / National Institute of Justice, stalking is considered a criminal offense. And very common. Thus, according to American data, every sixth woman and every seventeenth man have experienced stalking at least once in their lives.

Social Network Designer

This specialist designs the group cover, logo and menu banner in the same style. The visual part of the content is important to make it convenient for subscribers to use the community. The design is suitable for you if you are a creative person and like to work with pictures and photographs in Photoshop.

This activity can lead to more serious tasks. For example, after gaining experience, you can design websites or switch to graphic design. You can learn basic skills using Photoshop video tutorials. If you devote a full 8-hour day to work, you can earn about $450.

Content Editor

The content editor organizes the written articles and then publishes them. He also selects topics for texts, looks for copywriters and gives them tasks. The editor must be competent, attentive and diligent.

You can start with copywriting, that is, directly writing articles on text exchanges, and then gradually improve your skills. You can learn this profession through both paid and free courses, as well as with the help of books. An editor earns from 200 to 1000 dollars, which depends on his experience.

Provoking causes: hypotheses and theories

The exact reasons that provoke the development of persecution mania are unknown. To date, only hypotheses have been put forward about the influence of various factors on the human psyche:

  • hereditary predisposition to mental illness;
  • features of the organization of the central nervous system;
  • suffered psycho-emotional traumas - most psychiatrists’ works note that people who have experienced violence or excessive fear suffer from paranoid delusions;
  • poisoning with alcohol and its surrogates, which has a negative effect on the human brain and psyche (depending on a person’s psychotype, alcohol to one degree or another increases anxiety and creates mental disorders);
  • taking narcotic drugs;
  • poisoning with neurotoxic drugs;
  • the presence of a victim complex - in this case, the patient feels like a victim and tries to shift some of the responsibility from himself and blame others for his failures;
  • stress;
  • brain damage by Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease;
  • consequences of stroke;
  • unfavorable psycho-emotional atmosphere in the family and at work.

Spyware surveillance

Everyone has probably already heard about the recent scandal involving the spying of journalists, politicians and activists using Pegasus spyware. After the program landed on the victim’s smartphone, all the information he was interested in began to be transmitted to the person concerned.

Spyware can penetrate any device: from a laptop to an iOS or Android smartphone. The purpose of such programs is to pump out data useful to the attacker unnoticed by the victim, so detecting such software can be very, very difficult. Using spyware, you can track your location, read or delete private messages, listen to calls, steal passwords, learn about plans, and so on. In general, with the help of spyware you can find out everything you trust on your smartphone.

How does spyware get into a smartphone?

Most likely, the spyware will come to you along with an application that you install yourself. Spyware can masquerade as useful software like utilities, and sometimes even end up in games. Another way to get spyware is to follow a link in a message that may be hidden there. Moreover, it is not at all necessary that it will be a suspicious phishing site.

This, for example, is what happened with Pegasus: in 2016-2018, victims received messages with links disguised as delivery notifications. And then Pegasus even learned how to get into smartphones using “invisible” iMessages, notifications about which were not even shown to phone owners.

How to determine if there is spyware on your phone?

You can determine the presence of spyware on your phone using special software that can scan the incoming and outgoing traffic of the device, and also analyzes all processes. You can also try installing an antivirus that could scan the system in real time. This is especially true for Android users, since the architecture of this system allows you to download anything and from anywhere.

The following signs may indirectly indicate the presence of spyware on a smartphone:

  1. The phone is overheating.
  2. The traffic used suddenly became much larger.
  3. The phone began to reboot frequently.
  4. The phone discharges quickly (unless it is a hardware failure).
  5. Advertising messages and banners appear.
  6. The performance of the smartphone has deteriorated sharply.

However, there is also spyware that an ordinary user cannot detect. According to Sergei Nikitin, a specialist from the computer forensics laboratory of Group-IB, the user cannot identify the same Pegasus on the phone on his own, and only a complete flashing of the smartphone will help remove the virus (a simple reset of the settings will not help in any way).

Do apps monitor via microphone and camera?


Every time you install a new app from the App Store or Google Play, it asks you for access to everything from constant location tracking to access to your camera and microphone. For example, iOS 14 introduced the ability to track which apps record and store information about you, and, if necessary, limit the collection of this data.

Let's look at how apps can eavesdrop or snoop and whether it can be avoided.

How do you listen through a microphone?

When you give access to the microphone, the application is able to “hear” everything you say near the phone. Try to allow access only to those applications that really need to listen to you - for example, voice assistants or instant messengers. If a calculator requests access to the microphone, you should think about it. However, it also happens that programs write your voice without your knowledge. In 2022, Apple admitted that it had been doing this for years to improve Siri. Google is also not far behind: in the same year, it admitted to listening to the voice assistant in order to improve language recognition.

Am I being tapped to show ads?

Lately there has been a lot of talk about people being shown advertisements for something they have been discussing out loud. And, of course, the phone was in the room at that moment. For example, after discussing the possibility of traveling to Japan, you begin to receive offers to purchase tickets to Tokyo. Based on this experiment, Google still reads speech when the microphone is turned on to personalize ads. Here a person repeatedly says the key “Toys for dogs”, after which he begins to be shown advertisements for these same toys.

But what if access to the microphone is blocked? This immediately makes you think that somewhere “on the other side” sits a vigilant marketer wearing headphones, carefully recording all your wishes.

A former Google employee said an interesting thing in his article on such magical coincidences. In short, using machine learning, Google tries to be very similar to you, which makes it possible to “guess” your desires. So companies aren't wiretapping to sneak in the sneaker model you were discussing with your colleagues. Companies know you so well that they don't even have to do this.

Can they watch through a camera?

In your smartphone's privacy settings, you can check which app has access to the camera. To do this on iOS, go to “Settings”, then “Privacy”, then “Camera”. The entire list of applications will be here, and you can disable the most suspicious ones. On Android, the steps are similar: open “Settings” – “Applications” – “Privilege Manager”. There will be a Camera tab and a list of applications.

But it may also be that the application to which you deliberately give access to the camera turns it on on its own. In July 2020, Instagram users on Apple smartphones noticed that while viewing their feed, a green dot appeared at the top of the screen every now and then, notifying them that the camera was working. However, company representatives said that the appearance of the camera on indicator is due to a bug in the application, and in fact it does not turn on. This may be true, however, against the backdrop of this news, Zuckerberg himself and his laptop with the camera covered up look funny.

Social media consultant

A social networking consultant teaches beginners how to make money on SMM. This person must have extensive experience in promotion, working with target audiences, creating content, and writing quality articles.

You can attract students through advertising or a blog where you have many subscribers who trust you. Earnings in this case will depend on you. At first, the price for the course can be set to the minimum, and then, if there are positive reviews, you can gradually increase it.

What is the reason for hatred?

According to social comparison theory, most of us form our self-esteem based on comparisons with others on certain parameters. This concept, that we have an internal need to accurately measure our own self-worth, was developed by Leon Festinger in 1954.

Dr Ciara Cremin, from the University of Auckland, believes that the object of our hatred causes us to project our own disappointments in life. And these objects are not chosen randomly. If you think about it, they reflect what a person is not happy with in himself.

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“You mostly become follow-haters of wealthy, slim and attractive people who seem to do nothing but relax in Bali? Don’t worry, me too,” says Ciara.

Social media influencer

An influencer or influencer is a person whose opinion many users listen to, thereby causing their activity. Such specialists are in demand because most subscribers do not trust advertising, but they follow the advice of an authoritative person.

To become an influencer, you must have a good understanding of marketing and psychology, choose a social network in which you will work, and be able to create your own strategy. There is no clear figure for an influencer’s earnings; their income depends on sponsors and the type of content.

What do you call people who say and don't do?

Later, the word "dissidents" came to mean only non-Catholics. Even before this, the meaning of this word had narrowed in a different way: after the Union of Brest in 1596, Orthodox Christians in Poland who did not accept it began to be called “Dizunites” (Polish.

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Developer

A developer is a specialist who creates applications and games on social networks. He must have an excellent understanding of programming and graphic design, and be diligent, as this craft takes a lot of time. If you are a beginner, then it is better to take paid courses, where everything will be explained to you from the very basics.

A developer’s income depends on online app and game stores, projects, and websites. If you become a sought-after specialist, you can earn $2,000 or more.

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