How a woman should behave when her husband cheats on her

Useful tips

In our modern times, cheating on a husband is not such a rare occurrence. Most representatives of the stronger sex consider this to be quite normal and, without a twinge of conscience, cheat on their other halves right and left.

After any betrayal of the husband, family relationships become no longer as stable as before. They become very shaky, even though the husband has changed his behavior and began to behave completely differently.

How to determine if your husband is cheating or not?

Most women are designed in such a way that they are accustomed to looking for reasons for jealousy even where there are absolutely none.

This behavior, as a rule, does not have the best effect on relationships, since a husband, tired of endless nagging, can suddenly leave his restless wife once and for all.

However, there are details by which you can determine whether your husband walks to the left or not. Not noticing such obvious signs will simply be to the detriment of every woman, so take a closer look at them:

1. Constant control by a man and suspicion of her infidelity.

Why is he doing this? As practice shows, a man who cheats on his wife begins to behave the same way towards her, that is, he begins to be pathologically jealous of his wife for every post.

2. If you find that your spouse looks down during a sensitive conversation.

, and answers questions only with the same type of phrases, usually going into a defensive position, then this is also one of the signs that your man is not faithful to you.

3. Another sign is a change in your once active sex life.

If your husband has become somewhat cold towards you, and there has been almost complete calm in intimate matters, and your husband is constantly looking for reasons and denies, avoiding you, it’s time to think carefully about what is happening. Perhaps he really did have another woman on his side.

4. Your spouse began to constantly delete all browser history from his phone

and constantly hides the phone from you? This is another sign that he is hiding something from you. He began using an assistant to remember passwords to log into his pages on the Internet.

Previously, all his social networks were freely accessible and always open, including for you, but now they are not.

And he cannot give a clear answer as to why the husband now began to tinker with passwords.

The husband also began to constantly hold his mobile phone in his hands, not letting it go for a minute, as if he had become an integral part of it: to the toilet, to the kitchen, to the balcony, or to take out the trash.

5. If you suddenly begin to notice

that the husband, instead of sitting in front of the TV in the evenings, began to go to the gym, and also began to shave every day and take care of himself, then this is also worth thinking about. Perhaps he is trying to look good specifically for the new woman.

6. You began to notice that your husband has new words in his vocabulary.

, such brave and completely unusual phrases? Such new expressions could easily have appeared in him from a new passion.

7. If unexpectedly the husband, who devoured your signature and so favorite roll with great pleasure

, suddenly stopped eating it, and the pies dry lonely on the table, it is likely that now he is fed no less tasty in another house.

If your spouse suddenly starts staying late at work, this is not at all a reason to suspect him or panic.

Maybe he really is moving forward in his career or has started devoting much more time to his own business. However, if, lingering like this, your husband does not pick up the phone or respond to SMS, and later, when questioned, avoids direct answers, then you should seriously think about this situation.

How to recognize a cheating spouse

No one is immune from betrayal: neither charming beauties, nor ideal housewives, nor skilled mistresses. Women feel very subtly changes in the behavior and attitude of the man they love. But changes in character do not always indicate the appearance of a mistress. If you notice the following signs, then you can really assume that your husband is cheating:

avoids intimacy without explaining the reasons for his behavior;
withdraws into himself, does not talk about his affairs and impressions;
withdraws into himself, does not talk about his affairs and impressions;
pays a lot of attention to his appearance;
stays late at work and returns not hungry.

These are universal signs. But every woman who has encountered her husband’s betrayal can certainly add her own personal observation here. It is impossible to be indifferent to your partner’s strange behavior. Therefore, some women become aggressive, angry and unbalanced. Others, on the contrary, try to behave decently and not show their emotions, that is, to keep everything to themselves. Both the first and second options cause enormous harm to mental health and destroy personality.

The Harm of Guessing

Constant guesswork and lack of certainty can become obsessive, which can lead to the development of delusions of jealousy. First of all, this manifests itself in strong aggression. Then doubts and suspicions turn into confidence. It is no longer possible to convince a woman even with objective arguments. The situation is getting worse every day.

Groundless suspicions of a spouse can provoke so-called betrayal in revenge. When a husband, driven to extremes, really begins to cheat. Although I didn’t even think about it at first.

How do you know if your husband is really cheating?

According to psychologists, these things should not be ignored, but it is better to take a closer look at them:

1. Usually this happens when your partner begins to make scandals for you, provoking you into quarrels in every possible way, accusing you of all the “mortal sins” and far-fetched actions.

Such scandals are created, as a rule, in order to successfully leave the apartment, turn off your mobile phone, and then not talk about where he was at that moment.

2. When the salary began to decrease significantly, or his expenses quickly began to rise.

Note: in order to bring your beloved into the open, it is strictly not recommended to use various listening devices, bugs and other spy accessories. Such actions, as a rule, are resorted to in the most extreme cases, when, for example, a husband threatens his wife or categorically refuses to give her a divorce.

Is it necessary to forgive betrayal?

This is the most important question that a woman needs to deal with when she finds out about her lover’s infidelity. People often come to a psychologist with the request: “My husband is cheating, what should I do, how should I behave?” and are waiting for ready-made advice. Not every woman will have her own answer, and it will not come quickly.

A decision may take weeks or even months, and you must be prepared for it to change ten times a day. Only you yourself can understand how much this betrayal hurt you, whether you want to continue to be with this person and whether you can trust him again.

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Many take the position “I must save the family at any cost for the sake of the children” and remain with the cheater, never forgiving him. But experts believe that no one can say with one hundred percent certainty that such a choice will actually be correct for the children themselves. We still cannot think for another person, even a small one.

It is much safer to focus on your feelings. It would be better for mom and dad to be happy alone than to be unhappy together. Often, as adults, children remember their parents’ divorce with relief: “The scandals have finally stopped.” Therefore, it is worth saving the family only for its own sake.

Work most often becomes a place of temptation for men. A University of Washington study found that 62% of husbands cheated on their wives with coworkers they met in the office.

What to do when you know your husband is cheating

Tolerate

You can choose the option for yourself - endure. This usually happens if you love your husband very much and are unable to part with him. Or you are completely dependent on him financially and you don’t have your own home. You will have to be patient, at least until you can support yourself.

Forgive

You can forgive infidelity if it happened once, since it is usually attributed to quarrels in the family or the weakness of the man. But if this becomes a pattern, then think, are you ready to live such a life? After all, even the greatest patience comes to an end sooner or later; in the end, you will still break off such a relationship, only by that time you will be completely exhausted and broken.

First, try to separate for a while, live separately and see how your relationship develops. If the spouse does not intend to take any conciliatory steps towards him, then it is better not to stir up the past, gather all his pride into a fist and let him go on all four sides. If he wants, he will return.

Breake down

If there is no strength or sense to endure constant betrayal, then it is better to end such a relationship once and for all, and simply break up. And when starting new ones, you should take into account all the mistakes made and try not to repeat them again.

Life after your husband's betrayal: three stages

Shock

A crisis state with the inability to regulate feelings. Stupor, disorientation and breakdown. A woman in a state of shock does not perceive reality and rejects it. The psychological trauma is so strong that it is impossible to cope with it using standard methods. Shock is a kind of psychological “fuse” that prevents the psyche from “burning out.” Extra time to process what is happening and prepare to accept it. The duration of the stage depends on personal characteristics and can last from several minutes to several months.

Reboot

A time of reassessment of values and the emergence of a new personality. At this stage, there is a chance to look at your life “from the outside”: to see and realize those things that have lost their relevance, have stopped “working” and only hinder a full life. It is extremely important to realize your mistakes and draw conclusions. Make informed decisions (should you forgive or let your husband go?), taking into account all the possible consequences. A new picture of the future is being built, mental strength is mobilized. Energy is directed in a constructive direction: appearance, environment, work may change, new interests and aspirations may appear.

Recovery

A woman learns to live in a new reality. The past remains the past, leaving only a slight taste of bitterness. New personal boundaries are being built, and orientation to the new reality is being completed. There comes stability and balance in both the internal and external world.

What absolutely should not be done when you find out that your husband is cheating

Suffer

You should not pretend to be a victim and constantly keep silent about the fact that you are aware of the betrayal. Having, for example, a weak psyche, you can torment yourself to such an extent that health problems may even begin, including prolonged depression.

Complain

If you start complaining to everyone, then your relatives, friends and other “well-wishers” may advise you of various nonsense, for example, to cut off from the shoulder and file for divorce without finding out all the circumstances and reasons. After all, you need to take into account that the people to whom you complain will definitely be on your side, which means they will not be able to assess this situation objectively.

conclusions

So what should you do if your husband is gay? A couple in such a situation must decide the main question: Should they remain married, given that the husband's homosexual attraction will not go away. If a couple seeks to stay married, the question arises: is the wife ready to accept the fact that her husband has a male lover? If the wife is not ready for such a change in the rules, questions arise as to whether her spouse can truly forgive? And what will be the consequences if this happens again?

We expect our partner to always have our best interests in mind, but the reality is that rules are sometimes broken. Forgiveness cannot come without compassion. Without forgiveness, the couple will become bound only by hatred, even when they decide to separate and divorce.

Revenge

You must understand that now the main thing is to concentrate on the relationship with your husband, determine the reasons that led to this result and try to patch up the holes in them, and not think about your rival or the place with her. Never compare yourself to her and don’t even think about dating her. This chance will give her some advantage over you.

Throwing tantrums

If you make a scandal and throw tantrums at your husband, then such destructive behavior will definitely lead to an inevitable breakup. Even if you are in unbearable pain, still try to talk to him calmly, without presenting any ultimatums to him.

Feel sorry for yourself

If you begin to feel constant pity for yourself, then this will be the most terrible thing that can ever happen. Try to be an independent and self-sufficient woman, one with whom a man can overcome any obstacles. It is precisely such women that attract men, and not whiny ladies, as is usually thought. Therefore, wipe away your tears and never show them to your man.

What should a wife do?

Many wives are ashamed to say that their husband has an affair, and if they do, their acquaintances usually say: “Get rid of him. He who betrayed once will betray twice.” There is data to support this.

Women's sexual orientation can be dynamic and change over time, but researchers generally agree that men's homosexual interests never change. It is estimated that 60% of cheaters do it again, but the numbers for married gay men may be much higher.

How to behave for a woman whose husband cheats on her, but does not leave the family

© Joaquin Corbalan/Getty Images

Cheating on your husband is a huge challenge for any woman.

If your husband continues to lie to you even after his infidelity has been completely proven, you must adhere to some specific rules:

1. Try to convey to your beloved

that a lie can destroy everything and this is not a clear foundation that can withstand any test of strength.

2. Explain to your spouse that the crisis you have experienced related to infidelity can sometimes even strengthen the relationship.

According to statistics, most couples who experienced adultery claimed that their relationships became better and stronger.

3. As a rule, most Russian women are accustomed to throwing hysterics with breaking dishes and using obscene language.

These methods usually lead to calm, but only temporary. Usually, the exploits of men after such hysterics only resume with even greater force.

4. Because keeping negativity to yourself is also not worth it

, it is best to give your spouse a thrashing, but in words, carefully choosing each expression behind the stream of abuse, without losing its essence. It is best to clearly and balancedly formulate your claims to him and, as the injured party, put forward a number of your demands to him.

The main thing is to under no circumstances take it out on your children, friends and relatives, since they have absolutely nothing to do with and are not to blame for your spouse’s infidelity.

What to do if the husband walks and does not leave the family?

The answer may seem quite strange, but!

Any wandering husband will be perfectly influenced by a counter lie, which, as if in a mirror, will allow him to look at his own behavior. Moreover, you may not even take revenge on your spouse with some kind of retaliatory betrayal.

It's enough to have a party with your old friends

or even just spend the night with your girlfriend, but when asked where you spent that night, tell the same tales that he usually tells you.

Important! If a woman knows about her husband’s infidelity, but prefers to pretend that this is not happening, due to her cowardice or lack of willpower, then, as a rule, this leads to disastrous consequences and certainly will not help strengthen the marriage bond.

How serious was the husband's guilt?

Sex on the side is not the biggest problem if a guy cheated on a girl with another guy; lies used to cover up a crime are much more destructive. The deceived spouse experiences a mixture of feelings: anger, resentment, righteous indignation and a desire for revenge. Lying undermines trust, which is the foundation of any successful relationship.

Healing requires restoring trust, because without forgiveness, betrayal will destroy any union. If a couple decides to stay together, it may take years to begin to trust each other again.

Let's look at what to do if your husband is gay from a psychological point of view. The most important factors influencing the ability to successfully overcome the crisis are:

The severity of the offense.
How dear the relationship is to the partners.
The extent to which the cheating husband sincerely apologizes.
Conciliatory behavior.
The ability to forgive.
The personality of each person.

Sergei thought that admitting his mistake balanced his guilt. He claimed that his intentions were good and that he lied to his wife to protect her. Some gay husbands believe their behavior was unintentional or due to extenuating circumstances; therefore they should be forgiven. For married gay men with a family who have led heterosexual lives, coming out is a very difficult matter.

But for women married to a gay husband who has an affair, things are just as difficult. Confessing a husband's lover can lead to their social censure and loss of social status. Such shame can lead to feelings of hatred and a desire to hide or run away, which is why in some cases the straight spouse clings to his relationship with his gay husband.

The behavior of a man after the fact of betrayal or an affair

It is not at all difficult for a man to determine whether a man is cheating on his wife. Moreover, the longer his affair on the side continues, the faster and more successfully he can be identified.

Strange actions

It is impossible not to notice that the man’s behavior becomes completely different. If earlier he scattered his socks around the house, and it was almost impossible to train them to put them in the dirty laundry basket, now he not only throws them in the washing machine, but also carefully hangs them out to dry.

Or another case:

completely unexpectedly, right in the middle of the week, a husband who is very far from romantic relationships suddenly brings a bouquet of gorgeous flowers and your favorite wine after work, although he had never done this before, even on your birthday. Maybe your spouse began to spend more time with you, help you around the house, and even watch movies with you that he didn’t like before.

Unfortunately, these facts may indicate that your man is behaving the way they usually behave after cheating.

Lack of tenderness

Your spouse began to show less and less attention and tenderness to you in private, in an intimate way. Why might this be observed?

As a rule, this happens because a man is tormented by his conscience

and he feels bad about the fact that he betrayed you. This is precisely what can prevent him from getting together at the most crucial moment and being a sincere and affectionate partner with you.

Closedness

After a spouse commits adultery, it can greatly affect his behavior as he is tormented by remorse when he returns home. He may become withdrawn or have a bad mood and all this is the result of some stress and painful experiences.

Therefore, you should be careful with certain conclusions

, because this does not mean at all that your spouse continues to cheat on you.

A man is bored

Being next to you, a man begins to frankly get bored, especially if he has always had fun and at ease with some other woman. And the longer all this continues, the more noticeable the complete indifference towards you will be.

If your spouse is not interested in you at all

, your hobbies or some holidays, it doesn’t hurt to think about what exactly happened. And the whole point is that the man, having probably cheated on you, received a surge of such vivid emotions that he certainly wants to experience again.

He became unstable

After adultery has occurred, your spouse may behave irritably and unrestrainedly towards you. It can start up just like that, out of the blue, and constantly makes various comments to you. Quite often scandals and quarrels began to brew between you.

In this case, there can be only one solution for you

- once again, do not anger your spouse and, having shown the lion’s share of patience towards him, try to behave quite calmly. You can even show all your tenderness, affection and attention. If in this case your husband’s behavior does not change in any way, then he probably has another woman on his side.

Do all men cheat on their wives and why?

Any man with normal physiology can cheat. But not everyone will do this, even with the ideal opportunity.

Then what motivates a man to cheat? The answer to this question lies at the intersection of psychology and sexuality.

A lot has been written about the physiological causes of betrayal, about male psychology. I want to now show you the life situations that precede betrayal. What happens in a man's life before he gets involved with another woman? Next I gave three theses, each of which describes the situation in the couple on behalf of the man

“They don’t give me what I want here, no matter how much I ask. I'll find it somewhere else."

“What I want” can be sex, admiration, understanding, and affection. Some human need remains unmet. He could continue to live in such tension, with unfulfilled need. But an option appeared that closed it perfectly. He could have refused. But he didn’t refuse. Why didn't you refuse? You can read about this in the article Why men cheat

This situation can arise during a family crisis. During relatively calm periods of family life, husband and wife are able to come to an agreement, find consensus, and make concessions. But when the crisis in the family grows, dialogue fails, tension grows. Crises happen regularly, that’s how a family develops. Therefore, betrayal is often an indicator of an already existing family crisis, and not its cause.

“I don’t know what I want”

The husband of one of my clients justified his betrayal here: “She (wife, that is) did not make me happy!” That is, the man expected that he would feel good. But he himself did not know how it was. And his wife could not give him this feeling. So the man started looking elsewhere.

You say: “What is the wife’s fault?” It's not a matter of who is right and who is wrong. We are talking about the husband’s personal crisis, about his complexes and difficulties. It is difficult to make a person happy, especially if he himself does not understand how to do it. Almost impossible. If the task is initially set as follows: “You must make me happy,” then how successful do you think the task will be completed?

To make a breakthrough, the husband's desire to understand his own crisis is necessary. Plus – the support of my wife, “feeding” from her. Often, instead of support, the wife only sends a message: “You’re a man! Why are you whining! Or such a message could have come from the husband’s parents, so he lives with his internal crisis, not daring to voice it. After all, if you voice it, it turns out that he is not a man. But the crisis is not solved!

“I know what I want, but I won’t ask”

“I won’t ask for sex. I won't ask for attention. This is difficult, it guarantees a new quarrel. I don't want to fight anymore. We have a normal relationship, why change anything?” You can live in this mode for years. Everything will be fine in the family! Everyone! And only some absurd accident or inattention leads to the fact that the truth emerges. The husband is sincerely perplexed as to what he did wrong? After all, he wanted what was best.

How should a woman behave?

If it so happens that you are left alone, then perhaps it’s time to do a lot of internal work on yourself.

First of all, you need to accept your pain. Let all your negative emotions come out in any way you can. This will allow you to pacify them later. And this will be the beginning of your new journey.
Concentrate completely on something positive, drive away all resentments and thoughts, both about your rival and any negativity in general, try to completely let go of the resentment. Try to forgive your offenders. This is very difficult, but also very important, first of all for you.
Try to continue to live a full life no matter what. Play sports, go for a walk for a fresh break, meet friends and enjoy life.
Don't make excuses for your husband's behavior. Just accept what happened. This is what your experience in life should have been. You got it, now move on to get a new one and don't think about anything.

As soon as you feel the strength to live on, break off or restore the relationship, everything will immediately go as it should.

Interpretation of dreams about betrayal according to various dream books

The interpretation of dreams about betrayal can be found in almost every dream book. However, there are interpretations that contradict each other. This phenomenon is explained by the difference in points of view of somnologists. As mentioned above, some of them give preference to psychoanalysis, others to esotericism.

For the most accurate interpretation of the image of betrayal in a dream, one should study the interpretations of both psychoanalytic and esoteric dream books.

Recommended publications from the point of view of psychoanalysis are:

Dream book of Sigmund Freud. The famous psychotherapist is of the opinion that betrayal in a dream personifies the dreamer’s hidden sexual aspirations or is a symptom of his pathological jealousy;
Dream book of David Loff . The psychoanalyst views such dreams as a projection of a person’s real fears;
Dream book of Gustav Miller. A somnologist and psychoanalyst is of the opinion that in a person’s sleep, intuition is actively working. Therefore, dreams can talk about the future.

Recommended esoteric publications include:

Vanga's dream book, according to which such dreams are often positive;
Dream book of the magician Yuri Longo , who considers betrayal in a dream as an inverted image;
Dream book of the 21st century, the latest edition, giving the most detailed interpretation of the image of betrayal in a dream.

To determine the interpretation of your own dream about betrayal, in addition to the meaning of the image, take into account your physical and emotional state on the eve of the dream. This will help you choose the appropriate interpretation.

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Important advice from psychologists on what to do for a woman who has experienced infidelity

Start improving your self-esteem. After all, if a woman does not love herself, no man will ever love her. You need to start respecting yourself, pampering and cherishing yourself. Buy yourself a new dress or shoes, ring or underwear. For better results, you can wear new things even at home.
Clean up your head. Seriously. Start putting things in order there. First, you need to at least talk to someone. This doesn't mean you need to complain or vent. No. Just talk to a good person about your plans, your interests, or just about the weather.
In every situation you can find some advantages. Try to find them here too. Perhaps you have been wanting to renovate for a long time? Great. Now you have a lot of time for this. Start actively moving furniture with your husband, tear off old wallpaper. Joint work ennobles and brings people together.

Solution for yourself

Listen carefully to your inner voice. He will definitely tell you whether you should forgive your husband’s infidelity. Do not forget that now you are driven not by the desire to stay close to him, but by your wounded pride.

Perhaps you yourself are already tired of constant showdowns or lack of mutual understanding. Cheating was simply a reason to make an important decision that will help each of you build a new life.

Delve into your true desires. Think about whether you can forgive this person. Try to answer yourself whether you can still trust your spouse. If not, then it's better to break up. Without trust it is impossible to create a happy family.