How to survive your husband’s betrayal and learn to enjoy life again ⇒ Blog of Yaroslav Samoilov

A woman's relationship with her husband is usually based on love and trust. That’s why the pain of realizing that the one and only man has betrayed her can be so unbearable. Having learned about the betrayal, the wife feels disappointment, resentment, anger - in general, a whole gram of negative emotions. In such a state it is difficult to think sensibly and not make mistakes. How to survive your husband’s betrayal without any special consequences for yourself and others? We will try to understand this issue in our article.
From this article you will learn:

What is meant by the words “treason” and “betrayal”
What signs can you use to understand that your husband has cheated?
How to survive your husband's betrayal
How to survive your husband's betrayal during pregnancy
What to do if your husband leaves after many years of marriage

What psychologists say: 5 stages of accepting a situation

The emotions of a woman who has been deceived by her husband are indeed very strong. On Holmes and Ray's stress scale, betrayal ranks roughly on par with the death of a lover.

After such shocking news, a woman goes through five stages of accepting the situation:

Shock.
At the very beginning, the woman cannot realize that everything that happened is really real. She does not take even direct evidence of betrayal seriously.
Deal.
This stage is associated with the desire to return to the old relationship. Because of such obsession, deceived wives commit a huge number of unjustified actions.
Aggression.
It is unlikely that the betrayal of a beloved husband can be survived without the slightest bit of aggression. In most cases, the deceived wife remains in a state of intense rage for quite a long time. At this stage, she screams at her husband, accuses him of all his sins, makes a scandal, thereby splashing out the negativity that fell on her along with the news about the betrayal.
Sadness.
At some point, anger gives way to grief over lost happiness. This stage is associated with painful memories of the past, in which there was no homewrecker between the spouses.

Consumed by her grief, a woman often falls out of her usual life. During this period, she reacts especially sharply to stories about the family happiness of others.
Reconciliation.
In the end, the woman finally comes to terms with the betrayal of her loved one and thinks about what she should do next: try to save the family or get a divorce. Here we are talking about serious reflection, taking into account all the pros and cons. At this stage, you can begin constructive communication with your husband on the topic of further joint (or separate) life.

How long does PTSD last?

Professional psychologists advise not to make radical decisions until you have gone through all five stages. For each woman they last for a different period of time. It depends on the age, upbringing and social status of the lady. On average, the path from “shock” to “reconciliation” takes about three months, which is best spent away from your unfaithful husband. Extra quarrels and scandals will only worsen the already difficult state of affairs. You should not approach major changes in life guided by grievances and emotions.

What do we mean by the words “treason” and “betrayal”

Each person understands betrayal in his own way. And in families where it has already occurred, spouses can give completely diametrically opposed definitions. Usually the one who is accused of betrayal calls his actions innocent flirting and does not see anything reprehensible in them. At the same time, the partner who was deceived finds a huge number of arguments that this is precisely a question of betrayal.

In essence, betrayal is the expenditure of any family resources on someone who is not a member of this family. These resources include not only the body, but also feelings, time, and money. And even though betrayal is traditionally associated with sex, simply tender feelings, and even dreams about another person, are also included in the concept of “betrayal.”

There are a number of reasons why it is difficult for a wife to survive her husband’s infidelity and betrayal. In addition to intimate relationships on the side, it also includes:

waste of the family budget on the needs of his mistress;
conversations about the girl to whom the husband is attracted;
romantic communication, dating, flirting.

In a word, if one of the partners spends time and money on a stranger, or gives him his care, attention and love, while the spouse knows nothing about it, this in most cases can be called cheating. And it is precisely betrayal, which is so difficult to forgive and survive, that very often becomes the reason for the separation of lovers.

Selfishness, disrespect for a spouse, inability to establish relationships and subsequent “trips to the left” are a real scourge of modern society. And there is no magic remedy that would insure a family against betrayal. Only the spouses themselves, if they want to live a long and happy life together, can make sure that nothing like this happens to them.

Why men cheat:

Why cheating is like a disease

Firstly, betrayal, like illness, has certain prerequisites associated with an incorrect lifestyle. Disease can be caused by poor nutrition, drinking alcohol, smoking - in a word, everything that pollutes the body. And what leads to betrayal is what pollutes relationships: resentment, quarrels, disrespect, unwillingness to listen to each other and compromise.

Secondly, both illness and betrayal take away a person’s strength, both moral and physical. It is simply impossible to survive your husband’s betrayal without consequences. If we understand a strong, loving relationship as a healthy state of a person’s life, then the loss of this relationship leads to enormous stress, both for the deceived spouse and for the deceived.

Thirdly, both betrayal and illness can be perceived as some kind of signal. The body gets sick if it is not properly cared for, just as relationships change for the worse if the husband and wife do not devote enough time and attention to them. Even thoughts of betraying your loved one are an alarm bell that draws your attention to the fact that not everything is in order in the family. Here you shouldn’t place the blame on one person: neither on the cheater, nor on the partner who allegedly pushed him to this. It all comes down to the fact that if a husband or wife has a desire to start another relationship, this means that a lot of unresolved problems have accumulated in the couple. Fourthly, betrayal, like a serious illness, can be overcome and you can move on with your life, but these events will in any case affect a person’s fate. It’s good if once a person has been infected with some virus, he is no longer susceptible to it, since the body has developed a specific immunity. The same can happen with betrayal: having experienced it once, the psyche adapts to such shocks.

The main question is whether it is worth bringing the situation to the point where the husband exchanges his wife for an unfamiliar woman who will supposedly become a consolation for him? After all, all the “positive” moments associated with a new, vibrant relationship pale in comparison to how difficult it will be for both parties to survive the betrayal when it becomes obvious.

To forgive or not to forgive

Forgiving infidelity is a difficult step. You shouldn’t accept a desperate desire to save a dying relationship with understanding and acceptance of wrongdoing. To save your marriage you need to restore your self-esteem, heal from trauma and understand yourself.

Several reasons when reconciliation may be more beneficial than separation:

the partner feels guilty, sincerely regrets what he did, promises that this will never happen again, and is ready to work to correct the situation as a whole;
presence of children;
one-time connection, momentary recklessness, the effect of alcohol intoxication;
You were in a long, happy relationship before the infidelity.

Do not forgive deception at the beginning of family life or the habit of cheating. If you understand that the relationship is doomed, betrayal is the result of the fact that you no longer have anything in common, you are no longer attracted to each other, then look at this as a reason to break up.

How to survive your husband's betrayal

A woman marries her beloved man, whom she trusts and wants to build a family with him. And before the altar they both swear to be together in sorrow and in joy. But people do not always keep their promises to each other. The honeymoon is over, the passion has subsided, and now the man is looking for new sensations on the side. Sometimes this may be partly to blame for the wife, who has stopped taking care of herself or creates an unbearable atmosphere in the house with constant scandals. In any case, the question arises of how to survive the pain of betrayal by the husband in whom you trusted so much.

Find out the reason for what happened

No matter how much time you spend lamenting that your husband is an asshole, of which there are few, it will not help you get over what happened. You need to look at everything sensibly and understand what pushed him to such an act.

Remember how you behaved lately: maybe because of work you almost didn’t show up at home or you neglected yourself so much that it’s difficult to recognize the girl he married?

If something in your attitude towards your spouse has changed for the worse, this partly explains his betrayal. After all, if a wife does not pay enough attention to her husband, the likelihood that he will find another increases.

Don't hold back your emotions

Sadness, resentment and anger are a natural reaction to a husband’s betrayal. To survive it, these emotions must be released.

But it’s better not to say anything to your spouse’s face, but to share it with your mother or friend. If it helps you, cry or beat a pillow.

One of the main tips on how to survive the betrayal of your beloved husband is not to isolate yourself. After all, by closing yourself off from the world and holding back your emotions, you only strengthen them, which can lead to depression.

Treat yourself to your favorite food, watch a good movie, organize a meeting with friends: all this will help you take your mind off sad thoughts and get through a difficult period. Spend as little time as possible alone remembering what happened.

If at any moment rage overwhelms you, throw it out on paper. Write, without mincing words, everything you think about your husband and his betrayal.

Tears and bad mood in this situation are normal. But try to restrain yourself as much as possible so as not to inadvertently offend loved ones who are not to blame for your problem.

Try to change your habits

Psychologists' advice on how to survive your husband's betrayal is largely related to changing your usual lifestyle.

Do something that will help you get rid of negativity and start living with a clean slate. For example, get a pet that you have long dreamed of. You can give him your affection and love without fear of any meanness.

The time you spent communicating with your husband can now be spent on yourself. If you weren’t very good with sports before, it’s time to find a fitness club and start exercising yourself.

Change something about your appearance, for example, get a new hairstyle or manicure. Book a massage: it is good not only for the body, but also for psychological balance.

Throw away boring things and update your wardrobe. Sign up for driving, handicraft or photography courses, in short, find a new hobby that will bring you a lot of positive emotions.

Shopping helps women overcome their husband's betrayal. New cosmetics, underwear and other little things greatly improve your mood. But in order to afford any expenses, you need to worry about income. Perhaps you should change your job or find an additional source of income.

Take time to relax

During the period when you are trying to survive betrayal, real psychological breakdowns are possible. To avoid them, sometimes you need to allow yourself a good rest in time.

Depending on your financial capabilities, you can choose either an expensive resort or just a trip to visit friends or relatives. What is important here is the fact of relaxation, and not the place where you go.

However, by rest we do not mean lying around doing nothing. Do what interests you: swim in the sea, explore the city, take photos. After all, you want to have something to remember after your vacation, right?

For fearless ladies, extreme types of recreation are suitable: skydiving, riding motorcycles or jet skis. An adrenaline rush and a great mood are guaranteed.

It is easier to survive your husband's betrayal if you do not have contact with him. Instead, fill all your days with interesting activities, sports, walks, etc.

If you have finally decided to break off your relationship with your cheating spouse, do not delay filing for divorce. And don’t shy away from all the men around you: if you are offered unobtrusive advances, accept them.

The main thing after the husband’s betrayal is to clearly understand what happened and behave reasonably. Do not try to regain lost happiness with tears or blackmail, do not run to your grandmothers for a love spell. Avoid excessive drinking. Don’t close yourself off, communicate more with people, add variety to your everyday life. Do everything to survive this moment and start enjoying life again.

How to survive your husband's betrayal during pregnancy

Sometimes separation occurs precisely during such a difficult and important period in a woman’s life as pregnancy. How to survive your husband's betrayal and divorce when you are expecting the birth of your common baby?

First of all, do not forget about your enormous responsibility to your child. All experiences will inevitably affect his intrauterine development and can cause serious illnesses. Therefore, no matter how difficult, bitter and offensive it may be, stress should be kept to a minimum. Your main goal at this moment is not to start a showdown and scandals with the cheater, but to take care of your own health and the condition of the baby. Focus all your efforts on getting over the betrayal as quickly and easily as possible.
Another point related to caring for a child is providing all the necessary things. Talk to your husband about the financial assistance he will provide you after the birth of your baby.

If your spouse is an adequate and responsible person, no problems should arise. Another question is, is it worth formalizing alimony if your husband promises to pay you the required amounts on time? Of course, I would like to believe in the honesty of the father of my child, but verbal promises do not provide any guarantees. It may turn out that the promises will remain only in words, but in fact he will not give a penny voluntarily. Therefore, it is worth officially confirming your husband’s consent to transfer certain amounts from the very beginning. If a man refuses to help you out of principle, feel free to go to court. In any case, the father of the child will be required to provide for him until a certain age.
It has already been said: in order to survive the betrayal of her husband, a woman needs to focus on other, more positive aspects of her life. What could be more positive than expecting a baby? Start preparing the children's room, sign up for courses for expectant mothers, where you can make new acquaintances, and there will be no time left for sadness.
And the last piece of advice, which will be extremely difficult to follow: forgive your spouse who left you at such an important moment for both of you.

You need to do this not for him, but for yourself. After all, only after surviving this situation will you be able to become a good mother for your baby and raise him correctly. And, of course, a hidden grudge against a man will prevent you from meeting another person and building a new relationship.

conclusions

No explanation for her husband’s infidelity will be perceived as exhaustive. Such a cruel act cannot be justified by anything. The pain will seem unbearable, and it will not always be possible to come to an agreement with yourself. Thoughts will rush from one extreme to another. That’s why professional help from a specialist is so important.

You cannot push yourself to the extreme, when prolonged and severe stress transforms into a psychological illness. Several consultations with our psychologists will help you cope with pain using constructive methods and fully heal. Understand your mistakes and don’t repeat them again. Rewrite your future by starting a new happy life.

What to do if your husband betrays you after many years of marriage

Most women perceive divorce as a tragedy and loss of meaning in life. Often, only in a hospital bed does a woman begin to realize that life does not end with the departure of her husband, there are people who need her, and there is still a chance to find happiness in her personal life.

But it is difficult for a woman who has been deceived at least once to become happy even in her second marriage. The sad experience she went through remains with her forever in the form of fear that another man will do the same. Another “eternal problem” is the relationship between the new husband and the child from his first marriage, which does not always go well.

The question of how to survive the betrayal of a husband at 40 years old and later is especially relevant, because we are talking about the breakdown of a family that has existed for many years. During this time, the woman has become accustomed to perceiving herself only as part of this family, and suddenly she is left alone. It is almost impossible to survive such a breakup without consequences, even if you seek help from a good psychologist.

But even in adulthood, a man can decide to cheat, followed by divorce. And even after 30 years of marriage, it is possible to survive the betrayal of your husband. Most likely, you will have to go through several stages of experiencing a breakup:

Disbelief of what happened

At first it will be difficult to even believe that this happened to you and that your many years of happy marriage ended in betrayal. At first, there will be a strong hope that the man will realize his mistake and return. This period is especially difficult for women who already have adult children living their own lives: they feel loneliness most acutely.

Loss of interest in life

When a woman finally realizes the reality of the situation, she can fall into real depression. To survive this time, she will need the help and support of loved ones. During this period, it is very important to keep yourself busy with something to take your mind off thoughts of betrayal. Communication with people, new hobbies, sports - all this gives us new strength and helps us move on. If a woman finds the strength not to isolate herself, but, on the contrary, to open up to everything new, then the next stage will soon begin.

Increasing attention to yourself

In family life, people have many much more important problems than their own. Work, life, children - all this takes energy. The wife and mother remain, but the woman disappears. A great way to survive betrayal is to remember that you are a woman, beautiful and attractive. Start listening to your desires, fulfilling them and seeing something in life other than responsibilities.

The desire to start living again

It is much more difficult to survive the betrayal of a husband at 50 than at 30. If at 30 a woman still hopes for a happy future, then at 50 she feels like an old woman with nothing to do. But over time, the pain fades away, and life goes on.

But when a woman has experienced pain and takes the first steps towards her new life, very often a departed husband appears on the threshold, who suddenly realized that he was wrong. For some couples, this moment becomes a turning point and they begin their relationship again, but in a different way. But some ladies still prefer to find new love or even find happiness in a free life.

Start earning money.

Having small children or poor health can delay the return to financial wealth, but these days there are many opportunities to work from home, part-time. Charities and social services can help in difficult times. Don't be shy about asking for help, they are created for this. The philosophical principle “this too shall pass” works just perfectly here. Time will pass, efforts will be made and everything will work out.

As for distrust, this is a practical skill that is very necessary in modern society. It is useful to learn to read all the papers for signature and understand the legislation. Check documents from employees, ask for confirmation of statements and proposals too. Pedantry instilled in practice in these matters will help both the woman and her loved ones more than once.

How to take revenge on your husband for betrayal

Often women think that sophisticated revenge will help them survive betrayal and the departure of their husband. What can you do to make your husband feel the same pain that he caused you?

Debt good turn deserves another

The first thing that comes to mind if a man cheated on you is to cheat in return. In part, such an act may bring you moral satisfaction, but the joy is unlikely to last long. And if the husband does not know about this, then this will not affect his condition in any way. If the retaliatory betrayal becomes known to him, two options are possible. Either the relationship will completely fall apart, and the man himself will start talking about divorce, or jealousy will do its job, and he will want to win you back.

Calm, just calm!

One of the most correct options for revenge is the absence of revenge, and even moreover, the absence of any obvious emotions about what happened. Pretend that you easily survived the betrayal and continue to live calmly. Such a reaction would be shocking for a man, because he hid his intrigues so carefully and was sure that you would immediately throw a scandal as soon as you found out about your mistress. The thought that you are living well without him, and perhaps with someone else, can also push your husband to return.

Happiness out of spite

To survive your husband's betrayal, make your life interesting and varied: find a hobby, go in for sports or dance.

Change your image: go shopping and pick up something new from clothes, update your hairstyle, take care of yourself. This way you will not only please yourself, but will also force your husband to look at you differently.

How to do it right:

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

Bring to poverty

Sometimes quite wealthy women literally find themselves on the street. There are men who only know how to earn money this way. Some types of fraud are punishable by criminal charges, others are due to a man’s lack of shame and conscience. But the result is the same - enormous stress from discovered injustice, shaken trust in the whole world and a lack of funds for living in the wallet.

You shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself and cry to everyone you know. Only a business approach, since we are talking about material things. The female psyche is the most flexible material in the world, and nature is practical by nature, psychology does not deceive. The time has come to remember this, and if you have no desire to become a business lady, you can play her role temporarily. Just like in the theater, only convincingly, with inspiration and carefully studying the materials.

Necessary:

File a complaint with the relevant authorities if fraud has occurred;
Get advice from a lawyer about whether it is possible to return the property or part of it in this situation;
Conduct an audit of property and income, optimize expenses;
Carefully analyze your abilities, identify those on which you can make money now, plan actions on more promising opportunities that require time or financial investments.