Why is my husband always unhappy? He has a “sour” look on his face, he pours out reproaches and complaints towards you, and you rack your brains, look for the reasons for what is happening and consider yourself to be guilty of something?
I suggest you get acquainted with 8 common reasons for men’s dissatisfaction, and not every reason concerns only relationships with a woman.
Women are designed in such a way that it seems to them that any complaint addressed to them, or even a hint of a complaint (and a dissatisfied expression on the husband’s face is already a complaint) turns on a thinking machine, colored by emotions.
Domestic issues.
There are men who are always unhappy:
- Keep the house in order;
- Prepared food;
- And all sorts of other household things.
At the same time, all these “sins” are your fault and only you!
There are two ways out of such situations.
First, do as he wants.
Second, send him away and let him do everything the way he wants!
But if he constantly makes comments, makes claims, finds fault with little things, then this is a clear sign that he clearly doesn’t like something and it annoys him. He won’t go into the psychological jungle of reasoning about why he is like this? He is who he is. And there is one important point!
If you think that his comments are just nitpicking, that he likes to blow your mind, then think - do you want to adapt to him? Do you want to break yourself to please him?
These are not idle questions; sometimes, behind nagging and criticism, there is a person who wants to dominate another. And a wife who can bend over backwards for the sake of peace in the family is the easiest prey.
What if his comments are true? If he is on point, does he make comments? Of course, his words are unpleasant to you, but if they are fair, then you should listen and thereby make life easier for yourself
Nuances of education
A very good reason. If it was customary in his family to communicate at the level of criticism and complaints with or without reason, he will adhere to the same strategy in relationships. Dropped a cup - a bungler, came with a deuce - a fool, a girl refused - “not a man.”
Most often, in such families, any achievements, positive qualities and actions are not praised. They are simply not noticed, taken for granted, or reduced to “luck.”
All this becomes fuel for everyday nagging. There are two news: bad and good.
I'll start with the bad: it's impossible to change a man with a snap of your fingers. There is a chance only if he himself realizes the problem and wants to solve it. I’ll tell you a secret: men in general are extremely difficult to change and I strongly do not recommend doing it.
So if you are at the stage of choosing a partner and you no longer like the fact that he criticizes you, teases you, finds fault with you - end this relationship.
No offense. He doesn't do it on purpose, he just doesn't know any other way.
The good news: if a man works on himself, and you keep up and change like a woman, his bad habit can be eradicated.
Appearance – weight, figure, face, etc.
There are men who directly tell their wives: “If you don’t lose weight, I’ll leave you, we’ll get a divorce.”
This is a fact of life, he married a young girl with a wasp waist, and 10 years later, next to him, outwardly a completely different person. This reason for the husband’s dissatisfaction is very contradictory, because many factors are involved. If your husband directly says that he is not satisfied with your weight, he even insults you and calls you all sorts of names, treats you with disdain, then there is a reason for you to think about whether you want to live with such a man?
I’ll tell you, as a specialist who has been dealing with weight loss problems for almost 10 years, a woman who is married simply does not gain much weight. This happens due to constant stress in relationships. This means that something did not go as the woman expected, and therefore the problems persist. And it seems to the husband that all his dissatisfaction lies in his wife’s excess weight.
What is the solution if your husband is unhappy with your figure?
Adapt to it and lose weight, which in principle is probably what you yourself want. You’re just having trouble losing weight, I’m sure you’ve made many attempts, but things are still going wrong. In order to lose weight, you need to solve those relationship problems that cause you heightened emotions.
The second way out is to confront your husband with the fact that you will not lose weight, that everything suits you personally. What happens in this case? You cross all attempts to prick you, and he needs to make a choice - he will continue to live with you as you are, or let him look for someone who is slim and young.
Your task is to remove your own fear that he will leave you, and you will be left completely alone, useless to anyone. This fear lowers your self-esteem and makes it possible to manipulate you.
Deal with fear and increase your self-esteem. And don't be afraid to stand up for your position! And... it is quite possible that as soon as you stop fighting your excess weight, you will begin to lose weight.
Types of Criticism
You can explain the reasons for your dissatisfaction constructively or destructively. In the first case, a person points out mistakes, but also suggests solutions and expresses his desires. This way, issues are resolved jointly, and there are no misunderstandings between spouses.
With destructive criticism, a woman hears only condemnation addressed to her and begins to feel guilty. Finding out what a man wants can be problematic.
Expectations about family life did not come true.
Remember in fairy tales, “and they lived happily ever after and died on the same day.” We each have our own expectations of how family life will turn out. What kind of relationships will there be, how many children will there be, what kind of house or apartment will there be, will there be animals, etc., etc. And so, those same family everyday life came when the initial intoxication caused by the work of love hormones passed and eyes opened to all the shortcomings of your other half.
The job is done, and nothing can be changed, and you clearly understand that your dream of that same magical family life will never come true, and disappointment sets in!
This reason occurs in both men and women; it is not worth blaming men for being dreamers. Think for yourself, what expectations did you have about the relationship?
What to do in such a situation?
First things first, talk. Frankly, honestly. The most important thing is without conflicts and claims. Difficult? No more trust? This means we need to restore and conquer. In a good way, when you know what did not come true for your husband with you, then you can slightly change your behavior or attitude towards him. I won’t reveal a secret if I say that add a little affection, tenderness and attention, and he will become a little happier, and the dissatisfied expression on his face will appear less often.
And if you don’t know what he’s dissatisfied with, then you can’t change anything, maybe he doesn’t like your borscht, and if you cook it differently, everything will work out. (joke)
Want to improve your relationship? Do you want to receive support, attention, love from your man? In fact, it is not so difficult, you just need to learn to say the right words at the right moment! I suggest you download the checklist “22 phrases that will save your relationship”!
Watch the video “How to Talk to Your Husband”
Constructive…
There is a category of people who are unable to accept any criticism. Even objective.
For example, your man angrily told you that the new gold mini with sequins and ruffles does not suit you, and suggested buying a new one.
You pouted, got upset and threw a tantrum. But he wanted the best. And the wording, you agree, was correct?
Adjust your way of thinking, otherwise your relationship will soon come to a justified ending.
What distinguishes constructive criticism from inappropriate criticism? There is no value or accusatory judgment or claim in it. She offers solutions to the problem, rather than finding someone to blame.
There is no point in being offended by such criticism. It will bring you nothing but benefit.
Learn to see the difference. This will help you in life.
Sexual relations.
For a man, sex always comes first. And if you often refuse him for reasons unknown to him, then he will be forever dissatisfied and gloomy. On the one hand, he will blame you, and on the other hand, he will think that something is wrong with him, that he is doing something wrong, and therefore you do not want intimacy with him.
And in fact, a woman does not simply refuse her beloved man. Something is wrong in the Danish kingdom! And if this reason applies to you, then you need to solve it yourself. Why doesn't a woman want sex? Oooh... there are many reasons...
And embarrassment, and it seems that sex is dirty and vulgar, and you don’t look right, and you get tired, and.. and.. add your reason. It is imperative to solve this problem, because a man can just up and leave, and this will be a real reason to break up.
But if you don’t like something specifically in bed with your husband, and that’s why you refuse, then it needs to be discussed. Talk frankly without any embarrassment.
Stop being a victim
Weak women, unable to defend themselves and fight back, attract powerful men. Spouses use such wives to take out their own complexes on them. They humiliate a woman, stoop in their accusations to direct insults and get personal. The purpose of reproaches is the same - to make the spouse feel guilty, inferior and grateful that the man still remains with her, so imperfect. No woman deserves to be treated like this. If your husband’s comments are constantly negative, you should think about whether the man is nearby. There are exceptions when a girl voluntarily takes on the role of a victim, apologizing for every wrong step.
The reason for my husband’s eternal dissatisfaction is that he doesn’t know how to switch.
Some people do not know how to switch their thoughts and emotions from negative to positive. We can say that they are stuck in some negative situation and cannot emotionally get out of it. And it goes without saying that problems are constantly spinning in your head, and a dissatisfied face is like a scoreboard on which all the numbers are displayed.
How is your husband doing at work? Does he have problems?
Especially if your husband comes home from work angry and dissatisfied, then this has nothing to do with you.
Men have one peculiarity: it is difficult for them to focus on several things and thoughts at the same time.
Men are single-taskers! In one unit of time, they solve one problem.
And it is quite possible that when your man comes home from work, work issues continue to spin in his head, and he cannot adjust to household chores.
This reason can be calculated quite easily, based on several signs:
- He talks about his problems, blames his superiors, colleagues, etc.
- When he comes home, he looks unhappy, but after a while, maybe an hour, he begins to smile and communicate normally with you. He needs this hour to switch his thoughts, and therefore, he should not jerk him and ask: “How are you?”
false mirror
Are you annoyed by your friend's way of speaking or her habit of wearing short skirts? Don't you like untidy people? Stingy men?
Let me tell you a secret: what irritates us in others is what we dislike most about ourselves. What we hide in the very depths.
Likewise, your man can criticize you for being overweight, although he himself has tens of extra pounds.
Or he compares you with others in the style of “here’s Tolik’s wife...”, but doesn’t remember that Tolik provides his woman with everything to make her happy.
To deal with this problem, you definitely shouldn’t scream and throw tantrums. First, think about whether you give him the opportunity to express himself as a man. Are you a woman who destroys or creates?
If the latter, explain to him softly, confidently and in a calm voice that you will not accept criticism in this form. Choose your words carefully.
You also need to be able to talk about your boundaries or refuse a man.
The reason for the husband's dissatisfaction is money problems.
Everything is clear, if your family does not have enough money, then he considers himself responsible for this, and it is quite possible that he blames himself for not being able to earn enough for his family.
And if you constantly reproach him for not having enough money, then you are adding fuel to the fire. Why constantly remind your husband that he works poorly or earns little?
And you shouldn’t compare it with other men who earn an order of magnitude higher. With your reproaches and statements, you only make things worse, because by lowering his self-esteem, he punishes himself and stops believing in himself.
Have you ever thanked your husband for bringing money into the house, trying, and working? Maybe not as much as you want, but he’s trying!
Yes, one might say, he doesn’t try hard enough. But, if he doesn’t drink, isn’t a drug addict, doesn’t raise his hand against you, doesn’t insult you, respects and appreciates you, then for sure, sometimes you have to say that he’s doing great!
Your tongue will not be erased, and your husband will be very pleased, he will understand that you value him, and it is quite possible that when his thoughts go in a different direction, he will be able to see new opportunities for earning money for the family.
Your mood.
What do you look like? What is your prevailing mood when you communicate with your husband?
I have repeatedly encountered cases where men who come for consultations complain that when they come home from work, their wife, who is always dissatisfied, immediately makes some complaints. Therefore, pay attention to yourself:
- What is your facial expression when communicating with your husband?
- What do you think about when you look at him?
- What feelings do you experience when you communicate with him?
- What tone do you use?
- Do you often thank him?
- Do you make any claims to him or reproach him for anything?
And if you answered yes to some points, then it is quite possible that your husband is simply mirroring you, reflecting back to you what you send to him.
If you have a prevailing sad, depressed, apathetic mood, then in this case, you need to pay attention first of all to yourself. You need to even out your mood, otherwise it is quite possible that your husband is upset and dissatisfied with your condition.
Increase self-esteem
Sometimes a wife, by her behavior and attitude towards herself, allows a man to criticize and reproach. Women with low self-esteem tend to talk about the imperfection of their figure, their inability to cook, and choose outfits. Constantly asserting: “How fat I’ve gained!”, “I’m such a fool!”, you may not receive a reaction of disagreement and a storm of compliments in response. A man does not always understand such hints; most often, self-criticism leads to criticism from the husband. Therefore, you need to respect yourself and work on self-esteem. The husband may not be aware of the shortcomings that the wife attributes to herself.
What is the main value for a man when choosing a woman?
Illness or chronic stress.
Why is my husband always unhappy? Have you ever thought that he might be sick? Does he have any pain, but is he hiding it or is he afraid to go to the doctor?
Some diseases can affect mood and emotions. Ask if anything hurts him? And if it hurts, then find out what exactly it is, do you need to see a doctor? And most importantly, in this case, try to dispel his fears and try not to get scared yourself.
Sometimes, the cause of dissatisfaction can be chronic stress, which is expressed in severe and constant fatigue, as well as sudden mood swings.
In this article, I wrote about the symptoms and signs of chronic stress.
And finally, I want to give you advice - don’t get hung up on your husband’s eternal dissatisfaction. Don't drag the blanket over yourself, and don't think that you are to blame for his bad mood.
Your husband is an adult and can solve his emotional problems on his own, and if he doesn’t do this, then everything suits him.
There is a paradox: as soon as a person concentrates on something bad, he immediately begins to see only the bad, this is how our perception works.
Therefore, try to see your husband’s good mood, when he is happy, cheerful, when he rejoices, be sure to tell him how wonderful it is when he is in such a good mood, how you love him even more at such moments.
And talk more often about how good he is, and I am sure that your kind words will help change your family relationships for the better.
I hope that you have understood a little about the question “Why is my husband always dissatisfied?”, analyze it and draw conclusions.
Be loved and happy!
Sincerely, psychologist Natalia Gnezdilova.
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The author of the article is Natalia Gnezdilova , family psychologist with 15 years of experience. I help women 35+ regain love, respect and trust in relationships with men. I consult online in any of the messengers - Skype, WhatsApp, Viber. Subscribe: my Instagram YouTube channel VK page
React correctly
If you take all your husband’s reproaches to heart, family life will turn into hell. You need to fight back against a man. Do not make excuses, do not criticize in response and do not become hysterical. Act gently, with feminine wisdom. Each man requires a special approach. With one thing, humor helps (“yes, Your Highness” or “How difficult it is for you to live with me”), with the other - ignoring: letting minor remarks pass deaf ears until they cross the border. If the reproaches are offensive, tell your spouse directly about it. It is important to prevent offensive statements from your husband, stop name-calling and direct his criticism in a constructive direction. Unexpressed grievances gradually exhaust the psyche and lead to major conflicts.
Harmonious family relationships: 8 tips
A New Approach to Conflict Resolution
The men described above belong to the type of people with an anal vector. The training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan describes eight vectors, eight types of innate psychological properties inherent in humans. This is a complete, systemic knowledge about the human psyche, which allows you to recognize his innate mental properties and desires, see the reasons for his behavior, and deeply understand the roots of one or another of your conflicts with this person.
Knowledge of the properties and manifestations of each vector, the criteria for their development and implementation in an individual person allows you to quickly and accurately determine what state a person is in and understand him from the inside. This is a fundamentally different approach to a person, since we apply all advice and knowledge through our understanding, our feelings, which deprives us of the opportunity to understand the nature of the conflict and, as a result, resolve it.
