Why doesn't a married man let his mistress go?

This is the strangeness inherent in representatives of the stronger sex. And who said that women's logic is a complete joke? What about the masculine one - “I don’t make noise myself, and I won’t give it to anyone else”? Agree, this behavior is no less amusing. At least, from the outside it seems that way.

Although women who have connections with such types are clearly not laughing. Showing indifference on the one hand, and unwillingness to let go on the other, the partner “dooms” the lady to a state of limbo. Moreover, he often suffers from this himself - he feels guilty for his behavior and at the same time realizes his inability to take responsibility and break off the relationship.

One of the most common explanations for why a man won't let go or hold on is... confusion. It would seem like a completely feminine problem, but, alas, a representative of the stronger half can also get lost in his own feelings. Anything can happen in life, and sexual contact, which later turns into a love affair, and which the person may not have wanted, could have been facilitated by anything:

Setting (resort romance).
Excessive initiative of the lady.
Accident (under the influence of alcohol, stress, etc.).

If a person has a clear position about his family, then most likely the relationship will not continue. Accordingly, no one will get hurt. But this rarely happens, since the majority of men are very susceptible to temptation. Wives and children fade into the background, and the mistress becomes the main object of adoration. And after a month or two, a person may suddenly see the light and even be shocked by what he himself is doing. This is where the “I’m confused” situation occurs - he STILL cannot give up his wife, but he can no longer give up his mistress.

If the reason is sexual craving and jealousy

One of the reasons may be passionate sex, which in the marital bed has become boring and monotonous.

It is a mistress with rich sexual experience that attracts a man. Having tried all possible positions in bed with a sophisticated lover, the husband becomes like a zombie, he is practically in her power.

And the house is full, and the children are a joy, and the wife is a wonderful housewife, but the desire for passionate and unbridled sex does not give the opportunity to be a good family man. Moreover, a married man turns into a real Othello:

he becomes furious just at the thought that someone other than him can take possession of his passion’s body: the young lady is free and has every right to sleep with whomever she wants;
he tries to keep all his sweetheart’s movements under control, because he understands how attractive she looks to the men around her;
he smothers his mistress with jealousy and scares away possible candidates for her hand and heart, thereby heating up the atmosphere in his relationship with her.

If he had the opportunity, he would imprison his passion in a tower, and he would live well with his family. But there is no such possibility, so only total control can save him.

Can such a person just leave the object of desire alone? Undoubtedly, if she unexpectedly pacifies her temperament, she will stop taking such careful care of herself and begin to complain of a headache. In this case, he will no longer be attracted to her, since he faces such problems at home. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back

Is there a chance to save the family after betrayal?

This question can only be answered by the person himself who has faced betrayal. Every case is different, and there are no clear instructions here. In practice, it is easier to restore relationships for couples where there was only physical infidelity. And the partner did not have time to develop emotional attachment to another woman.

Correspondence on social networks and SMS lead to fantasies, which over time transform into feelings. If, in addition to sex, a man and his mistress had close communication, then saving the marriage becomes much more difficult.

A competent psychologist and your own self-control will help save your family. Once you have decided to forgive, do not remind your partner of the betrayal every time you quarrel. Forgiveness must come deeply from the heart, and not just in words. Otherwise, old grievances will turn into endless scandals. And the man will again start looking for another woman.

Marriages where love and respect are central are more likely to experience infidelity. But it is important to make decisions on your own, and not ask for advice from friends or relatives.

Elena and Yuri have been married for more than 15 years. But the woman constantly criticizes and humiliates her partner. As a result, he cheated on his wife with her best friend. Although Elena was hurt, she decided to talk openly. The husband said that he was not comfortable in the relationship because he did not feel respected. But he asked for forgiveness and offered to try again. The wife forgave and began to show respect. So Elena and Yuri saved their marriage.

If he is driven by selfishness

For the most part, men are polygamous creatures. Today, men are afraid of illegitimate children, but this does not stop them from having affairs on the side. But at the same time, representatives of the stronger sex believe that women pregnant by him should belong only to him. As a rule, such an owner makes the sweetheart completely depend on her. Eg:

She is his subordinate at work. Afraid of being left without a livelihood and losing her beloved man, such a young lady agrees to all his conditions;
the mistress is on his financial support. Is it bad to be a kept woman, not to work and at the same time not to deny yourself anything?
For a lover, a man is the only chance to love and be loved.

As soon as any rival lays claim to the egoist’s property, he will immediately begin to control how his passion reacts. If she responds to the advances, she will immediately lose all the “goodies”.

What should a passion do: wait or take the initiative into your own hands?

How does the male half relate to this type? What to do if he seems to love you, but makes you doubt him?

First, understand the palette of feelings. If there is love or strong affection between you, then it is worth saving the relationship. But you definitely need to find out whether the chosen one himself needs them? Or will they continue on the initiative of the partner? Sound arguments, as well as your intuition, will help suggest the right answer.

There are thousands of examples when a couple went through a similar stage and finally reunited - the partner made a choice in favor of a new beloved.

Of course, we cannot do without sad (for mistresses) statistics. Often a one-sided initiative does not lead to anything good - the couple breaks up, he returns to the family or finds a new hobby. Therefore, when making a decision, weigh everything. First of all, gather your thoughts and ask yourself how you feel for this person - are you confusing love with wounded pride or wounded pride? Or maybe it’s just an addiction and you need to heal yourself, and then make claims against someone else? Draw conclusions based on honest answers to these questions.

Some psychologists also advise finding out what psychological benefits you get from such communication. If there are reasons and if they are compelling enough, then a woman simply needs to realize this with a sound mind. After realizing, she may decide to stay with the person, only the experience will no longer be so painful.

Also, love relationships are compared to a chess game - first one moves, then the other. The rules are set before the game. The one who started first leads the party. So, when a relationship is initiated by the stronger half, the woman often agrees, as a result of which she then suffers. When an attempt is made to change the rules and establish your own, this turns out to be impossible - it is unprofitable for the man.

Advice: If you are unable to change the rules, approach the situation radically - change your partner. But first, think about what would be less painful for you: staying or quitting. When in doubt, take a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons of your novel, and then make a decision.

If your mistress is an “alternate airfield”

It often happens that a married gentleman begins an affair on the side precisely at the moment when his marriage began to crack at the seams. He is not yet sure whether he wants a divorce, since he does not want to rush to part with his legal wife, but his feelings for his new lover are in full swing.

Of course he will have to choose. But it all depends on which of the two women wants to be with this man more:

the wife suddenly changes her behavior. A disheveled hysterical woman will turn into a caring princess, forcing her husband to look at her with different eyes;
the homewrecker will prove that she is better. At home there are constantly scandals, dirt, cold dinner, but with her it’s warm, cozy and dizzying sex.

Surprisingly, sometimes it happens that it is not the prodigal husband, but the rivals themselves who have to choose who he will stay with . He does not see this war for his heart until the very end. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back

Married man and free woman: psychology of relationships

As a rule, a husband begins to look to the left for three reasons:

sexual dissatisfaction;
frequent quarrels with my wife;
an early marriage that turned out to be unsuccessful.

The new woman seems like a salvation from these troubles to the unhappy spouse. The lady, who also receives financial support from her married boyfriend, is ready to satisfy his mental and sexual needs.

If your mistress is your second family

Even today among the stronger sex there are polygamists. For them, the stamp in the passport has no meaning, although in fact a second family exists . As a rule, the mistress knows about the presence of a legitimate family, since it is impossible to hide it. However, this does not stop her from giving birth to his children and waiting for him to come to visit her.

Of course, he will not leave any of the women , because he is a “decent” man. In this situation, we can say that the man has a conscience. But while loving one woman, he greatly offends another. Modern society will not understand if a man gathers his women under one roof, and his legal wife is unlikely to be happy with this state of affairs. Therefore, he can live for two families for a very long time. And while everyone is happy with everything, the man will not let his mistress go.

How to be the best for a man?

Improve yourself. Develop yourself and pay attention to yourself. When a woman is not interested in herself, then those around her treat her the same way.
Don't refuse sex and be active. Intimate intimacy between husband and wife is no less important than emotional intimacy. If a man is passive, then take the initiative yourself. For example, learn a sexy dance or fulfill his sexual fantasy.
Watch your appearance. Your appearance speaks of self-love. Regardless of whether you are a housewife or a businesswoman, try to be attractive to your man. Play sports, wear perfume. Don't forget about makeup and hair.

Most men are worthy people who love their family and are ready to find compromises. Resolve all problems with your husband and talk about them openly. Take care of each other's emotional and physical needs. Then your marriage will be 100% strong!

If he feels sorry for his mistress

Why doesn't a married lover let his mistress go? Amazingly, even among cheaters there are men who are not alien to pity. As a rule, they are quiet henpecked people, and their mistresses, unlike an authoritarian wife, are very quiet and flexible.

Their union is beneficial for both of them - he receives a safe haven from his beloved, and in return gives her love and affection. For him, the sweetheart is a little defenseless girl who will be lost without him. Next to her he feels like a real man. In addition, he feels pity for her and therefore does not want to leave her, because she will disappear without his help.

How to deal with feelings?

Since a man is faced with the problem of choosing between his beloved mistress and the wife he needs, he should not let the situation take its course. No matter how much you want it, sooner or later you will have to face a solution to the situation. Either it will decide itself, regardless of your desires, or you decide it yourself, where you take into account all your interests and possible risks. In order to solve the problem, deal with your feelings.

What scares you about divorcing your wife? If you have signed a marriage contract, you may not be satisfied with the points that are written in it. You are afraid of the condemnation of your relatives and your ex-wife. You are afraid to face the reaction of your wife, who will be unhappy with you. You don't want to ruin your marriage because of children who might suffer.

Each point should be worked out. If you are just susceptible to fear, then you should prepare for possible developments. There is definitely no need to save the family for the sake of the children, since the children will suffer in the same way as if the parents divorced loudly. You can meet with your children often and show that you still love and care for them, despite the fact that the family is destroyed.

Do you really love your mistress? Remember the reasons why you decided to start an affair on the side in the first place. If the reasons were attempts to assert yourself or escape from a boring family life, then perhaps your feelings for your mistress are just an illusion. You can return to your family and eliminate the factors that prompted you to cheat on your wife.

However, if you really understand that you love your mistress, but feel complete indifference towards your wife, then it’s time to get a divorce. It will not be possible to return love if it has completely subsided, and the husband looks at his wife as a stranger to him.

If he is proud of his mistress

Another reason why a husband cannot leave his mistress is the pride he feels from owning such a sexy beauty. Everyone around her admires her, and men follow her with lustful glances .

As a rule, this situation is common for wealthy men who generously shower their sweetheart with gifts, but at the same time keep their spouse on a short leash. Usually the wife knows that the other half is moving to the left, but she cannot do anything, since money plays a decisive role. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back

Moment "X"

When you decide to break up, the main thing is to remember one simple rule - in any situation you need to remain human. No one can tell you how to properly break up a relationship. You can play out a million different scenarios in your head, and in the end the situation will turn out in the most unexpected way. As one of the options. Or, on the contrary, everything will go as you planned.

When we want another to accept for us what we are, and we are not ready to accept it. When we hold another person responsible for our behavior. On the other hand, there is a fear of loss. His specific thought prevents him from generalizing. It is difficult for a child to get rid of what surrounds him because he is finding his own personality.

When do you know a relationship isn't working?

This is natural egocentrism in early childhood, but archaic in adulthood. In psychology, this behavior has been identified as Peter Pan syndrome or the person who never grows up. Not wanting to let go implies a need to protect ourselves from uncertainty, fear of not being wanted or accepted, identification with external factors, the continuation of our self in others. The book has a very impressive title because it encourages you to give up hopes of getting back after a couple breaks up.

You can part beautifully in any circumstances. Even if he lied to you, deceived you, fed you empty promises and hopes, you should not become like him and become vindictive. It will only show the bad side of you.

Rise above this, and remember the feelings of your beloved man, as well as the feelings of his wife. Try to talk honestly and openly, tell everything that is sitting inside you, express all your thoughts. First of all, stay honest with yourself.

People come up with a series of excuses, excuses for not taking on personal change projects rather than accepting that when someone decides to end a relationship they've had enough time to think about it because something stopped working or it never worked. The illusion that something can be different makes the recovery plan very frustrating, placing him in a rather undignified and humiliating situation.

We besiege the person, we mourn, we ask him to return, with the secret hope that the decision made by the other will be reconsidered. This leads us to rupture or division for any reason, no matter what argument is used. Let us remember that a relationship involves two people. Both must respond to the need for exchange. If one of them is not motivated for this exchange, the relationship ceases to have meaning, ceases to have a future. Osho says: Love is like the wind. And when he left, he left.

The conversation can be difficult and very difficult. Be prepared for his arguments, questions and suggestions. If you have already decided to break up, do not follow his lead. He can easily not let you go with such phrases: give me one more chance, I was going to talk to my wife soon, you are the only one and I don’t need anyone else. If you decide to break up, do it. No matter how painful it may be later.

Love is a mystery, you cannot manipulate it. In an article entitled "Why Can't We Be Happy?", expressed the opinion that the emotional relationships we establish with our parents in childhood signify our future life. This is why we tend to look for matches that will replicate the way we communicate and meet the needs of our childhood. For example, if we were children abandoned or rejected by our parents, a defense mechanism arises due to the need for acceptance and affection.

The child must feel that his parents love him, so the feeling of abandonment comes to be understood as a form of love. It involves the belief that the person who leaves him loves him deep down. This idea can lead one to not accept a break as an expression that love has ended. On the contrary, it becomes an excuse for false hopes.

How long can a husband have a mistress?

As a rule, men continue to have affairs on the side until:

he will not grow old;
the children will not grow up, and the wife will stop tolerating the spree and will throw him out the door;
the spouse will not learn to provide for herself and will not divorce;
the wife will not find a lover and will not go to him;
There will not be a homewrecker who will surpass his legal wife, so that a man will decide to legitimize his relationship with her.

Men are naturally designed in such a way that they do not want to lose their woman under any circumstances . Even if this is fraught with loss of reputation and financial well-being. This happens because the instinct of procreation is much stronger than the instinct of self-preservation. Therefore, having a long-term relationship with two young ladies at once, the husband ceases to behave like a man, but becomes simply a male who does not obey the voice of reason.

From this we can draw a simple conclusion: there is no point in waiting for a married man to voluntarily abandon a woman who herself does not want to abandon him.

Indeed, why should a homewrecker refuse a person who helps her financially, arranges hot passionate nights, helps her climb the career ladder, solves her material, domestic and everyday problems, increases her self-esteem by being with her, pays for rented housing, etc. d.?

Why does a man cheat?

Tries to experience new emotions. When spouses have been married for decades, the former passion disappears. And love turns into everyday life and habit. Therefore, in order to feel in love again, he gets a new woman.

Cheating while intoxicated. It happens that a man subconsciously commits infidelity under the influence of alcohol. Because he doesn’t dare to do it in a sober mind. It is worth paying attention to such a “signal bell” in any case. And also find the root of the problem in the relationship, even if the partner did it once and did not develop an emotional attachment to his mistress.

Deprived of attention. Sometimes a husband and wife put raising their children above their own relationship. All the attention of a woman is most often directed only to the babies. As a result, the spouse remains without attention and support from his beloved. Emotional and intimate intimacy is lost. And the man tries to satisfy his needs with his mistress.

Not enough sex. Sometimes girls adopt this pattern of behavior and try to manipulate their husband through bed. Or they simply systematically deny their partner intimacy. When sexual relationships disappear from family life for a long time, your chosen one begins to look for another object of desire.

He cheats in response out of revenge. Betrayal is as powerful a blow to self-esteem for a man as it is for a woman. If the situation with the initial betrayal on the part of the wife is not properly resolved, then the husband may take revenge.

After the fact of betrayal, the man either continues to cheat and eventually leaves for another. Or he hides his relationship with his mistress and does not leave his family.

Svetlana and Stanislav have been married for more than 20 years. They have a child and a business together. They moved to another country, and the couple had the opportunity to spend more time with each other. In addition, the daughter grew up and no longer required the attention of her parents. It would seem that there are all the conditions to strengthen the marriage. But in this situation it turned out differently. Stanislav realized that his former love had turned into everyday life. And he and his wife don’t even have anything to talk about. Therefore, he took a mistress to satisfy his emotional needs.

If spouses, throughout their life together, focused more on their relationship than on the child, they could avoid cheating. Many couples divorce when their children grow up. Because what connected them disappears.