Fear of loss: relationships, loved ones, what to do

This phobia is usually formed against the background of strong experiences and manifests itself as a result of emotional attachment to one’s parents, relatives, or other half. The degree of involvement indicates the level of manifestation of the problem. On the one hand, it seems that the fear of losing loved ones is completely natural and justified. And it’s hard to disagree with this. However, when it becomes excessive and crosses some boundaries, there is a danger of neurosis. For this reason, it is imperative to work with him and not allow the situation to significantly worsen.

Help from a psychologist

You need to consult a psychologist if the illness does not allow a person to live in peace, and the feeling of anxiety has not left for a long time.
Initially, the doctor will determine the stage of development of fear in order to correctly prescribe treatment. It is usually implemented through a combination of cognitive behavioral and exposure therapy. Additionally, medications may be prescribed. Most often these are antidepressants. At the first session, the psychologist wants the patient to answer the following questions:

what happens if I lose a loved one;
what is this fear associated with;
what I experience when I can’t connect with a person;
what will happen if a loved one knocks himself or hurts himself in some other way;
what happens if I hurt someone;
why do I worry so much about my loved ones;
who said that something would happen to my family, etc.

This will help a person understand the essence of his problem and understand what is causing his feelings. The patient will see himself from the outside. This stage also involves describing the sensations that arise when the fear of loss or harm is activated.

In subsequent sessions, the doctor helps the patient get rid of fear by immersing himself in a dangerous situation. He asks the patient to close his eyes and imagine something that really frightens him. This could be the loss of loved ones, harm to yourself or family

It is important that the main signs of fear appear

This is how a sharp change in thoughts and behavior occurs. This type of exposure therapy lasts about 20 minutes. The goal is to teach a person to cope with their fears and be able to switch to something positive when the phobia is sharply activated.

At the end of each session, the psychologist asks the patient to share his feelings. This allows him to evaluate the effectiveness of his work.

According to doctors, manifestations of fear in women are more pronounced. Therefore, treatment takes longer than in men. On average, the number of sessions is 7–8. But girls often need 10–12 sessions to completely heal and stop worrying about their family over trifles.

Is it possible to prepare for death?

Probably not. We all know that everyone will die, but the last thing we think about is a loved one. Even understanding that death can happen with a high probability, the human psyche is such that he believes in the best, and the most expected death still happens unexpectedly every time.

Accepting death is a little easier if a person believes in a meeting after death, in the subtle world. Either he joins Orthodoxy or Buddhism. Maybe he studies the works of Raymond Moody , Michael Newton , which talk about life after death. All this helps to cope with the loss easier.

In some European countries and in the USA there is such a thing as a death doula. Professionals who help transition those who are preparing for their own death, for example, with a terminal illness. This is possible with preventive, extended grief. A dying person, with the help of a doula, goes through all the stages of acceptance before his death. However, close people will live part of the stages after the departure of a loved one. Such preparation is possible in an event that can be predicted.

“Mom, are we going to die?” How to talk to kids about death Read more

Psychology of acquisitions ↑

The explanatory dictionary defines the word “loss” as the disappearance of something or someone. So it was, it was and it was gone. A wise Russian proverb says: as it comes, so goes. That's it!

A person comes into this world naked. All he has at the time of birth is his helpless body and his parents. Everything that then surrounds us is acquired.

But look how the fists clench when something hits them, how the hands reach out to everything, how quickly the baby learns to say the word “mine!” This normal innate instinct helps to survive not only in extreme situations.

It’s as if the baby knows that losses and loss await him ahead, and therefore strives to maintain balance.

I'm afraid of the death of my parents and people close to me, because my life completely depends on them

This phobia occurs when there is a strong dependence on another person. Actually, complete dependence on loved ones can be combined here along with a phobia of the death of loved ones. And here again a certain selfishness can be traced. On the one hand, a person is sincerely worried about his parents or loved ones (fear for a child is especially common), and on the other hand, his anxiety is initially caused by addiction. His attachment gradually transforms into dependence, and then a panicky fear of the death of loved ones is formed, reaching the point of phobia.

The life of such an addict is filled only with worry about his own well-being, which he successfully disguises as concern and a phobia of losing loved ones. It is extremely difficult for them to stop being afraid of the death of loved ones; they often imagine pictures of the horrific death of relatives. Therefore, the size of this addiction and phobia can reach amazing proportions. Against this background, depression, persistent anxiety disorders or other mental disorders in the affective sphere develop.

Symptoms of fear of death

Anxiety for others (especially relatives) manifests itself in the form of excessive guardianship. The fear of one's own death most often manifests itself more acutely, and a person sees danger in every object or action.

People with a pronounced fear of death usually lead an aloof lifestyle, trying not to go out and not come into contact with others.

If it is not possible to avoid activities that pose an increased danger, such as air travel, then on the plane the patient may have a panic attack with the following symptoms:

dizziness;
nausea;
frequent urination;
diarrhea;
cardiopalmus;
promotion ;
loss of consciousness.

Constant fear for one’s own life provokes the development of other phobias:

mysophobia,
liftophobia,
electrophobia.

As the pathology progresses, the symptoms intensify, and an attack of panic fear can appear without a visible stimulus and at any time of the day.

How to overcome the fear of losing a loved one?

In fact, the fear of losing the presence of loved ones is quite common in modern realities. In life, sometimes such despair covers us that it does not allow us to assess the situation sensibly. What is the fear of losing loved ones called? In fact, not many people know about this. This is a kind of phobia that is quite difficult to control. In some cases we are talking about thanatophobia or autophobia, since the fear of loss is closely related to the fear of death and the fear of being alone. You need to know how to get rid of this fear so as not to complicate your life in the future. There are a set of specific steps that are quite effective.

Analysis of the situation

Each case is individual. An in-depth analysis of the situation will allow you to identify those points that need to be worked on. You just need to be able to deliberately dwell on especially alarming moments and carefully immerse yourself in them. In some cases, you will have to give up a lot and reconsider your behavior. Sometimes, against the backdrop of fear for your future and reluctance to solve pressing problems, fear for your loved ones arises. A person simply takes and shifts his responsibility to someone else. This is extremely undesirable behavior that takes a lot of strength and mental energy.

Building Confidence

The more confidence a person feels, the better. Only in this case is it possible to liberate from the oppressive state and reach a new understanding of what is happening. Fear goes away completely only when the individual understands that he really has nothing to fear. Building confidence cannot happen overnight. You will have to go through numerous tests before there is any understanding of the situation. To develop confidence, you need to have confirmation that your steps are correct.

Sincere care for loved ones

The more warmth we give to our loved ones, the more we affirm how dear they are to us. These are not empty words, but the truth that is gradually revealed. Sincere care for loved ones actually opens our hearts and builds self-confidence. This is how a person truly understands that he does not live in vain, that all problems are solvable. A special, enduring meaning of life appears. The individual feels what he lives for and what he sees as his main goal. Then the fear of losing loved ones decreases somewhat

There is a feeling of calm, an understanding that the most important thing is affection and dedication. In this case, it becomes easier to feel confident in the future and deal with your fears

The main thing is not to despair and not to give up. Remember that there is always a way out.

Thus, there is nothing surprising or unnatural in the fear of losing loved ones. It is dictated, first of all, by the fear of being left alone, of losing the necessary help and support. This is an anxious state that does not allow you to feel needed, calm and happy. If you don’t know how to deal with the problem yourself, you can seek help from the Irakli Pozharisky Psychology Center. Working with a specialist will help you understand the reasons for your fears and let them go in a timely manner. There is nothing more important than living in harmony with your inner essence and unlocking your potential.

Fear of rejection is harmful to life

Fear is like a beacon that warns of danger. If the beam is too bright, it hits the eyes and the helmsman becomes disorientated. Paralyzing fear destroys what they are afraid of losing.

Man strives for pleasure and avoids pain. The pain of losing health, family, home and life itself is equal in significance to the suffering of losing respect, affection, money and power over people. The fear of being rejected came from the fear of losing love, and losing favor meant in primitive times expulsion from the tribe. Thus, genetic memory equates the fear of rejection with the fear of dying of hunger alone.

If a man is refused by the woman he loves, this will not cause him to die of starvation. But suicide is possible if this man has inflated the price of a particular woman’s love to the price of his own life. The sufferer is not satisfied with the real reason for her refusal, he comes up with his own - he is not worthy of the love of any woman. Thus, the fear of future failures kills him.

Fighting fear and returning to harmony

Autophobia can be called a completely curable disease. Fighting fear at home is possible. To do this, you can use the advice of loved ones, meditation, simple auto-training techniques, and effective relaxation methods. However, in severe cases, a visit to a psychologist is recommended. Believers are well helped by communication with a priest and the hope that, by the will of God, a painful separation from a partner will not happen.

You need to immediately tune in to the fact that overcoming autophobia is not easy. It may take several months to achieve the desired results. The main thing is not to lose your presence of mind, remain calm and actively fight fears.

To find your former harmony, you need to be able to “let go” of the situation and accept the world as it is

It is known that in most cases, the fear of forever losing contact with a loved one has no real basis. However, it can significantly worsen the patient's quality of life. It is unlikely that you will be able to get rid of the problem without a psychotherapist, so you should not put off a visit to a specialist and be afraid of treatment.

The most popular fears: description and solution

One of the popular fears is the fear of death (your own or loved ones). This is the most ambiguous phenomenon:

On the one hand, it can reach such proportions that a person will close himself within four walls and simply rewind the allotted time.
But on the other hand, this is a normal fear that makes us look around when we cross the road.

There is only one way to cope with it - accept it. All people are mortal. There is no point in experiencing death several times in your thoughts and darkening your whole life with this.

Other popular fears include fear of others, of oneself, of time, and of fear.

Fear of others

The basis of fear is criticism, and yours first of all. To overcome this problem, try not to criticize, but to praise. It is human nature to project our shortcomings or problems onto others, that is, in people we notice and criticize what we do not accept in ourselves. And we seem to be playing ahead of the curve until they notice it in our country. That is, we are afraid that our shortcomings will be noticed. This also includes:

pickiness;
grievances;
vindictiveness;
unpleasant character traits (conflict, deceit, dishonesty, avoidance of problems, indecisiveness).

If you notice this in people and are afraid to experience it yourself, then you have probably already experienced it in yourself a long time ago. On the same basis, there is a fear of appearing funny, of falling under the evil spirit of someone. Solution to the problem: demonstrate yourself what you want to see in others.

Fear of yourself

We are talking about the fear of one’s own ailments, imperfections of the body, loss of strength, and the like. The solution to such a problem is to achieve harmony of the body, brain and soul. This is a very difficult and wide path. Simply put, this is getting rid of psychosomatics.

Learn to listen to your body and accept the fact that it is a system capable of self-regulation if it is not interfered with by imaginary fears. Have you ever said: “I don’t understand how I could do this. I won’t repeat it now on purpose”? Here is the answer.

Fear of time

Learn the “here and now” principle. Fear of time passing is often accompanied by self-flagellation due to postponing something for later or to the will of fate. You need to learn to act and take responsibility for your actions.

Get rid of laziness.
Learn the principle “for everything there is a time,” but in the context of your fulfilling your life plan and creating favorable conditions, and not waiting for the intervention of external forces.
Scroll through situations in your head before doing something in practice (only with a successful outcome, of course).

Fear of fear

First of all, learn to call a spade a spade. Not “I’m nervous”, but “I’m afraid of something.” Basically we are talking about fear of the unknown. Read about overcoming it in the paragraph “From fear to freedom” of this article.

What it is?

Almost everyone is familiar with the feeling of anxiety. It occurs under unfavorable life circumstances. Problems at work, school, in the family, a turbulent situation in the world - these situations, which, unfortunately, have become constant companions of modern man, contribute to anxiety and nervous tension. Emotional outbursts occur most often in women due to the fact that by nature they are more sensitive than men.

Unreasonable fear and anxiety appear when there seems to be no reason for concern. Negative emotions that are exhausting and lead to numbness, at first glance, do not have a clear logical basis. Irrational means incorrect, false. But a deeper dive into the essence allows us to identify the underlying causes of the problem, which is called irrational fear.

What is the name of the phobia of losing a loved one?

There are a huge number of different phobias in the world, from the most ridiculous - fear of insects, flowers, to serious ones - phobia of losing loved ones. Since the loss can be different - natural death, a banal separation between husband and wife, then phobias in this case will be called differently.

We recommend that you read: Fear of spiders - what is the name of the phobia and how to stop being afraid of them

A phobia that is based on the fear of the death of a loved one is called thanatophobia. The fear of death accompanies humanity throughout the history of existence, since the unknown is always frightening. All parents worry about their children, and children worry about their parents. But when anxiety turns into obsession and interferes with the normal life of loved ones, this is already a mental disorder.

If the obsession with the loss of a loved one is based on the end of a relationship (ordinary breakup), then this phobia will be called autophobia. Translated, this word means fear of loneliness; it refers to social phobia.

Important! A suffering person’s imagination begins to paint such “colorful” pictures that he sometimes cannot discern where reality is and where fiction is.

Complex of manifestations

Symptoms of anxiety disorders are divided into two groups:

Somatic symptoms. Characterized by pain, deterioration of health: headaches, sleep disturbances, darkening of the eyes, sweating, frequent and painful urination. We can say that a person feels changes on the physical level, and this further aggravates the anxious state.
Mental symptoms: emotional stress, a person’s inability to relax, fixation on the situation, constantly turning it over, forgetfulness, inability to concentrate on something, inability to remember new information, irritability and aggression.

The transition of all of the above symptoms into a chronic form leads to such unpleasant consequences as neurosis, chronic depression and stress. Living in a gray, scary world, where there is no joy, no laughter, no creativity, no love, no sex, no friendship, no delicious dinner or breakfast... all these are the consequences of untreated mental disorders.

Effective techniques

If the patient at the initial stage noticed something strange in his behavior and discovered the presence of fear of loss or harm to himself, you can try independent treatment. Usually it gives a good result, but short-term.

Main methods:

Breathing techniques. Inhale deeply, exhale slowly - the basic rule of any breathing exercise. Inhale and hold your breath for 3-4 seconds. Exhalation lasts 2–3 s. The interval between breaths is 2–3 s. The number of repetitions is no more than 7 times. It is appropriate to use breathing techniques when fear has just begun to appear. This will help you overcome it quickly.
Affirmations. Every time you feel a panic attack coming on, remember positive affirmations. Repeat that everything will be fine, fear will subside, and nothing bad will happen to your loved ones. Think that life is beautiful and trouble will not affect your loved ones. The technique works through self-hypnosis. Since thoughts are material, the technique really helps a person calm down and come to his senses.
Have a positive attitude. Reading interesting books or watching films with a good, optimistic ending will help drive away obsessive thoughts. This will make it clear that life is filled with positive events. It is advisable to limit your viewing of news.

Every day you need to drink herbal infusions and teas. Especially before bed. This will help you calm down.

Conduct aromatherapy sessions. This is convenient to do at home. Fill the aroma lamp with lavender, chamomile, lemon balm, mint or other floral aroma oil. Turn on calm music, take a comfortable position, close your eyes and imagine something good.

Remember that such procedures will not help to completely get rid of the disease. It is better to seek help from a specialist in order to heal as quickly as possible.

Watching funny movies will help you stay positive

The Negative Work of Fear

It is clear that this is an illusion. Our experiences do not help our loved ones in any way, do not give us control over the future, but they significantly worsen our lives.

Fear consumes our mental energy, exhausts us, and it is difficult for us to engage in our own life and enjoy it.
Fear narrows our consciousness, we stop noticing the good things in our life and the opportunities that could improve it.
We waste time on these experiences, which no one will make up for us.

Treatment methods

You can cope with the manifestations of feelings of fear and anxiety on your own.

First, you need to analyze the situations that could be the true cause of the excitement. Next, trying to turn off emotions, you should soberly consider the reality of their threat. This helps you separate from the scary object. Switching to physical or mental work promotes distraction and dissipates the concentration of the source of excitement.

You can “play” your health condition. Sometimes a demonstration of confidence and calm is perceived by the subconscious as a signal to calm down, helping to stabilize the state.

Physical methods of getting rid of anxiety involve exposure to space and environmental factors. It is necessary to remove unnecessary irritants: turn off the Internet and TV, eliminate watching and listening to negative news, programs and music.

It is effective to use the following relaxation methods: breathing control with leveling, slowing down and slowing down breathing movements, contrast showers and self-massage. You should not take medications without finding out the cause of the problem, as this can lead to addiction. Allow yourself to ask others for help - this will reduce the uniqueness of your experience and help you gain peace and confidence.

If you are unable to cope with the problem of anxiety and irrational fears on your own, you should seek medical help. A psychotherapist will help you find out the true causes of the problem, prescribe an examination, and advise which tests to take. When treating anxiety disorders, diabetes mellitus, tumor processes, and osteochondrosis of the cervical spine are excluded, and blood biochemistry, hormonal levels, and ECG are also checked.

Panic attacks and other anxiety disorders can be effectively treated with body-oriented therapy, which effectively relieves tension, removes blocks and promotes awareness and elimination of causes.

Medication to combat anxiety disorders consists of taking anxiolytics, antidepressants and tranquilizers.

Prevention of causeless fears and anxiety includes regular physical activity in the form of sports, exercises, and breathing exercises. A nutritious diet containing essential microelements and vitamins is mandatory.

It is also important to adhere to a work and rest schedule and sleep that corresponds to human biorhythms. And taking care of your information environment is just as important as hygiene for the body, as it can contribute to pollution or, conversely, restoration and improvement of the mental sphere

Irrational fear and anxiety involve deep layers of the psyche. They cause a lot of trouble, but armed with knowledge and looking at them without fear, you can cope with this problem yourself, with the help of loved ones or by seeking help from a specialist.

Reasons for fear of losing loved ones

Thanatophobia and autophobia, as a consequence, cannot be cured without knowing the main reasons that preceded this mental disorder. They are identified as a result of a conversation, filling out tests, and can be completely different in terms of statute of limitations and the reason for their appearance.

There are several causes of thanatophobia.

Postpartum depression

A young mother, against the background of postpartum depression (due to hormonal changes), develops a fear that the baby may die. In such a situation, it is important to tell your loved ones everything in order to take timely measures to get out of depression without harming the baby.

Childhood trauma

Causes:

The mother's long absence at a time when the child needed her, and he felt unprotected and lonely.
The divorce of parents or the death of one of them can also be a great trauma for a child.
“Scary stories” told by relatives, terrifying the child, who, due to his age, believes in what is said. Everything can end badly - panic attacks, hysterics.

Sad experience of elders

When you see a bad example of relationships between parents, brothers, sisters and your significant other, where the relationship ends sadly - scandals, fights, divorce. Fear for future personal relationships settles in the heart.

Diffidence

Low self-esteem gives rise to jealousy and suspicion without reason. Such a person will always try to manipulate his partner, point out lack of attention, and keep everything under control.

Attention. Scary news in the media, especially with video reports, can cause severe psychological trauma.

Complete dissolution in a partner

In such a situation, a person will think about everything that concerns his partner, completely forgetting about himself as an individual. And in such a situation, the obsessive thought of losing a “precious soul mate” inevitably appears.

We recommend that you read: Fear of holes and a large number of holes

Loss of loved ones

Especially in childhood, this gives the realization that everyone is mortal, and irreparable things can happen at any moment.

Treatment methods

The fear of losing a loved one can and should be treated, and this should be started as early as possible. The best solution is an integrated approach consisting of several stages.

Psychotherapy

Using exposure therapy, a psychologist will teach the patient to switch from a “fixated” phobia to pleasant and more important moments in life.

We recommend that you read: What is the fear of snakes called - causes and treatment of phobia

When diagnosing a phobia, the psychotherapist will use existential psychotherapy, showing the patient the basic values of life. Hypnotic procedures will help you get rid of phobias from childhood.

After diagnosing a phobia, if the situation requires it, psychiatrists will prescribe the necessary course of antidepressants, sedatives or tranquilizers.

Independent struggle

Having noticed the above symptoms in yourself in time, you can help yourself in the early stages to stop thinking about the death of a loved one:

Don’t isolate yourself – communicate more with your loved ones, ask them for advice. A confidential conversation will calm you down and eliminate dark thoughts.
Use meditation, relaxation, aromatherapy to relieve tension and stress. In combination with thematic auto-trainings, they will give a lasting positive effect.
For stable insomnia, use herbal sedatives - valerian, motherwort, peony. Read light fiction and beautiful poetry before bed.
It's time for believers to remember God and start regularly attending church, confessing and taking communion. Father, having listened to the problem, will give the right advice and instructions, and teach you to be calmer about the inevitability of death.
Don’t think about the future, but live in the present, work more, so that there is simply no time left for “dark” thoughts.

Experts recommend learning to cope with an impending panic attack of a phobia - convincing yourself that nothing bad will happen. It is better to minimize TV viewing completely, excluding negative news, and choosing to watch comedies and humorous programs. And if the phobia begins to “cover”, it is recommended to stop it with the help of breathing techniques. To do this, take a deep breath, hold your breath for 4-5 seconds, then exhale for a long time for 4-5 seconds. Repeat 5-7 times.

How to get rid of panic and fear using hypnosis?

Hypnosis is used by psychotherapists to enhance the effectiveness of cognitive behavioral therapy for neuroses and to root healthy behavioral responses in the client's subconscious. In trance, a person loses a critical attitude towards the information provided by the therapist. As a result, new ideas that counteract fear are perceived more easily than in the usual state of consciousness.

The method also helps in the treatment of phobias and panic attacks caused by psychological trauma. Regressive hypnosis techniques allow you to activate deeper layers of memory, find information about painful experiences repressed into the subconscious and work through them with the help of a specialist, for example, psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin.

You can learn more about how to get rid of panic and fear using hypnosis from the video:

General recommendations for reducing anxiety

It is important to understand that you will not be able to get rid of anxiety forever. Only the dead do not worry and worry; a living person cannot escape from the innate feeling of anxiety, which is designed to save his life

So, if a person has an anxiety disorder and wants to reduce its severity, the following advice from psychologists will help:

Anxiety does not like order and routine, so you need to go to bed and get up at the same time and make a schedule of your affairs.
Sports are a great way to relieve stress. You can go to the gym and at least run in the morning a couple of times a week. Your well-being and mood noticeably improve almost immediately after training.
No alcohol. Alcohol is a powerful depressant and is contraindicated for people with anxiety and phobia of death.
Watch less TV, especially the news. Scary, unpleasant events, one way or another, affect the level of anxiety. And, in general, a large amount of information overloads the psyche and nervous system, which leads to general tension.
Move and walk more: walks in the fresh air, pleasant communication with friends, shared hobbies lift your spirits.
Communication with animals is actually a moment of therapy. You can visit the petting zoo, where you have the opportunity to touch and pet the animals, while experiencing pleasant feelings.

Causes

The seemingly causeless occurrence of anxiety has deep roots going back to the past. The human subconscious is capable of maintaining a “record” of events from different times ago, especially if they were accompanied by intense experiences. Therefore, severe stress or prolonged emotional stress leaves its imprint in the subconscious. These experiences are reproduced using the conditioned reflex mechanism. The appearance or memory of at least one of the factors of a long-ago event can trigger the entire chain with corresponding symptoms.

If, for example, a person failed to get a job for a long time, this was accompanied by severe anxiety and depression, while he was faced with a certain behavior of employers (dissatisfaction, raised voice, refusal), then similar behavior of the boss (the same harsh voice) in the present, when work already exists, it can provoke negative emotions and fear.

Another example is the experience of a woman’s unsuccessful marriage. A certain behavioral complex of her past companion could be really frightening (during a showdown, he shouted, waved, and so on, while pacing the room). In a new relationship, this fear can arise when the new companion exhibits one component of the complex, perhaps even a minor one (pacing around the room when nervous). At the same time, the subconscious reacts to it as a danger.

Other factors that contribute to the development of anxiety and uncontrollable fears.

Genetic predisposition. Many mental disorders are inherited.
Overfatigue, disruption of sleep and rest patterns, work at night - all this depletes the nervous system and leads to its decompensation.
Hormonal imbalance. Hormone levels directly affect nervous activity. Its instability causes fluctuations in mood and emotional background.
Low level of psychological protection. Just as the body is protected by the immune system, our psyche has its own protective mechanisms. Their reduction may be indicated by increased anxiety and fears.
Manipulative relationships, lack of sincerity, lack of opportunity to express one’s point of view, as well as a feeling of unacceptance, as it were, “clogs” negative emotions in a person and makes them “wander,” which causes internal tension and can subsequently result in panic.
Use of psychoactive substances (cigarettes, alcohol, etc.). With their constant use, mood swings appear and anxiety increases.
The happiness of being a woman also means responsibility. Responsibility for your emotions.

Where do phobias, neuroses, panic attacks come from?

The answer to the question of what is the reason for the development of neurotic fears has changed over the years: psychological science does not stand still, identifying new factors. The most obvious source of neuroses is psychological trauma. For example, claustrophobia (panic fear of closed spaces) can develop as a result of a person being under a landslide. However, a one-time exposure to an acute stressful situation is far from the most common factor in the development of a neurotic disorder.

Much more often, neurosis is caused by minor stresses that imperceptibly undermine the body’s strength. The main culprit, which tirelessly undermines the nervous system, is considered to be unresolved internal conflicts.

There are three types of internal conflicts and, accordingly, types of neurosis:

Hysterical neurosis. It manifests itself in ignoring the objective conditions of reality, inflated claims towards others, lack of self-criticism and difficulties in containing desires. Hysterics tend to unconsciously manipulate others, causing them to feel guilty and self-pitying. Psychosomatic manifestations of hysterical neurosis turn out to be an ideal tool for getting what you want from loved ones and justifying your own selfish behavior. Obsessive-psychasthenic neurosis. Characterized by a contradiction between needs, desires and moral attitudes

Leads to increased self-control, hyper-cautious behavior (obsessive neurosis and fear neurosis). Neurasthenic neurosis. Manifests itself in excessive demands on oneself, a painful desire for success without taking into account the real capabilities of the body and personality

To a certain extent, the formation of this neurosis is facilitated by the frantic rhythm of modern life.

A person can suffer from several types of intrapersonal conflicts at once. However, the inability to reconcile existing contradictions does not always end in neurosis. Scientists point to another factor that significantly increases the chances of developing panic attacks - genetic predisposition.

A more acute reaction to stress is typical for asthenics. Their nervous system is highly sensitive and depletes faster. In the absence of negative factors, an asthenic person can calmly live his whole life without knowing what neurosis is. If, in addition to the innate weakness of the nervous system, some other unfavorable circumstances are added (stress, psychological trauma, intrapersonal conflicts), then the psyche easily fails.

The following symptoms are characteristic of neurosis of any type:

emotional disorder (depressed mood, general pointless anxiety and specific fears);
sleep disorder (insomnia, nightmares);
motor disorders (nervous tics, hyperkinesis);
migraines that occur during nervous tension (exam, speaking in public, etc.);
psychogenic skin reactions (neurodermatitis, psoriasis, urticaria);
gastrointestinal disorders (diarrhea, constipation, voracious appetite, anorexia nervosa);
somatovegetative disorders (sweating, hot flashes, nausea, cardiac arrhythmia syndrome, difficulty breathing, fainting).

Autonomic crises (panic attacks) are also characteristic of neurocirculatory dystonia and VSD. That is, panic attacks develop not only against the background of fears and mental disorders, but can also be the result of hormonal imbalances, organic damage to the central nervous system, infectious diseases, intoxication, physical overexertion and physical inactivity.

Consequences

The result of the formation of fear of loss is the fear of harming loved ones or oneself. Most often it develops in people with vegetative-vascular dystonia (VSD). In psychology it refers to obsessive-compulsive disorder.

It manifests itself as a panicky fear of harming others. Various inappropriate thoughts arise. The patient may begin to hallucinate. It seems to him that he did something terrible, although in reality this did not happen. The result is that he constantly lives in fear for his life. Tries to isolate himself from others. In a fit of anger, he is afraid of harming others or even killing someone.

The fear of harming someone close to them often appears in sleepwalkers. While in a sleepy state, they cannot control their actions. Being under the impression of a dream, they may begin to crawl on the floor with a knife or other piercing object.

Such behavior causes panic among household members and interferes with the patient’s life. Some send the patient to a priest, explaining sleepwalking as obsession. But since sleepwalking is a psychological and neurological deviation, the help of a qualified psychologist is necessary.

Fear arises for almost the same reasons as fear of loss. Only the reaction to these reasons is different. The fear of losing a beloved man or woman is replaced by the fact that a person is afraid of becoming unprotected.

Sleepwalkers are often afraid of harming loved ones

How to help yourself?

Such fears are quite deep and individual, so it is difficult to give general recommendations here. However, if you are susceptible to this kind of debilitating anxiety, you can try the following:

Realize that these worries are not only meaningless, but also bring harm to our lives: “If this does not help me or my loved ones in any way, then why do I need it?”
Catch yourself in these fears and return to the present moment, because fear refers to the future, what has not yet happened and is unknown when it will happen.
Returning to the present, try to fully enjoy what is happening, notice all the good things, spend more time with your loved ones - now they are still with you.
Take care of yourself, understand your needs and desires. Do not focus only on others, but ask yourself: “What do I want and how can I do well for myself?” Strengthen your connection with yourself.
Explore your life outside of your relationships with family and friends: your professional life (does it bring you enough satisfaction and meaning?), your hobbies (do you have a hobby that gives you positive emotions?), your small joys (those that only for you). And invest more of your attention and energy in these areas. ⠀

And then, perhaps, your anxiety will ease, and you will have more space for yourself and for life in all its fullness and depth.