5 non-obvious signs that you are selfish (and what to do about it)

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Egoism and its manifestations is the first article in the series “Man and Egoism.”

Article 1 - [you are here] - Selfishness and its manifestations Article 2 - Selfishness in a person’s life: what strengthens and weakens Article 3 - Hidden and obvious signs of pride

This article has long been requested to appear on the pages of the school, but we constantly postponed publication due to the complexity of reporting and perception of the topic.

But without this material it will be difficult to write further. Understanding what egoism is and its manifestations is a fundamental basis for moving further into the knowledge and development of oneself.

Everything that leads to a distortion of the human psyche, creating pride, resentment and selfishness ☟

Selfishness and its manifestations

The word egoism is of Greek origin. Ego (Εγώ) - translated as the pronoun “I”. Therefore, egoism is when everything is for me, around me and because of me, where I am the navel of the Universe.

Request: Do not confuse the perception of yourself and your “I” as a continuation and child of God, with “I” as the center of everything in this world.

Each person is the center of his own subjective reality, but not Reality. Every person is at the center of his life (at least he should be ;)), but not at the center of the life of everyone living on Earth and other worlds.

Each person is responsible for his thoughts, feelings, words, actions, choices and decisions - for his own life, but not for the lives of other people, their decisions and actions. He doesn’t decide for others, doesn’t do things for others, and if he does, then this is precisely a manifestation of selfishness.

Unfortunately, we are forced to admit that in the modern world almost everyone (perhaps there are “saint” exceptions) is sick with selfishness. Yes, almost every person is an egoist to a greater or lesser extent.

The main manifestations of selfishness are:

• pride,
• laziness and desire for freebies,
• touchiness and capriciousness,
• criticism and condemnation,
• hidden and overt manipulation,
• sacrifice,
• avoidance of responsibility and excessive control of everything and everyone,
• quarrelsomeness, scandalousness and absurdity,
• coldness and indifference,
• rigid beliefs and stereotyped thinking.

Psychological Egoism

▪️ According to the theory of psychological egoism, every person has one main goal - his own well-being. Its manifestation depends on what a person puts into determining his own well-being. For one it is exclusively personal pleasure, for another it is the health and happiness of loved ones. And in this case, egoism smoothly flows into altruism.

▪️ One of the selfish ambitions devotes himself to religion and strives to convert the whole world to his faith. Another believes that his well-being depends on his internal state and, on the contrary, does not want to share his “treasure”. People are completely different and manifestations of selfishness take different forms. Even self-sacrifice can only be a manifestation of psychological egoism. If a person believes that he cannot live with a feeling of guilt or that he will find peace in another world by giving up his life (for the sake of others) - this is a manifestation of selfishness, although this statement sounds paradoxical.

Love for another person: a spouse, parents, a man, a woman, or even one’s own children is also a kind of selfishness. After all, we strive to feel loved, which can only be achieved by showing mutual feelings. A self-centered person only absorbs the love of others as long as possible. Its donors are those who are ready to give this feeling (yes, also for their own selfish reasons).

▪️ As soon as the victim realizes that he is being used and this will not achieve personal well-being (reciprocal feelings), she leaves him. The line between healthy egoism and egocentrism is thin, it is marked by moral principles. A mentally healthy person understands that observing one’s own interests is necessary for life, but does not overstep the boundaries of education and reasonable behavior.

Selfishness = Altruism

The most interesting thing is that it is rare that someone thinks about himself and perceives himself as an egoist. On the contrary, a person often believes that he does a lot for others and for the sake of other people, not realizing that in fact, real selfish benefit is hidden behind his actions.

Yes, altruism is the flip side of egoism, but in essence it is the same thing. These are 2 sides of the same coin. Now we will explain in more detail using examples.

Do charity work

It is not necessary to spend millions on helping orphans and the seriously ill, especially if you don’t have that kind of money - just get a job as a volunteer in any organization (even in the same kindergarten, local hospital or nursing home), babysit a neighbor’s son or get a pet, oh which will have to be taken care of in any case. In fact, any volunteer activity is suitable for you, and a team activity is better: painting over graffiti, cleaning up the city, organizing a holiday, patronizing a poor student from your class.

Selfishness in relationships

Husband wife

She

She shows attention and care to her husband in the hope that, having become more kind and relaxed, he will definitely agree to fulfill her request:

• will give you money for a dress, a fur coat, a ring...
• will fix a faucet, a bicycle, a wardrobe, a bed...
• will make repairs in a room, apartment, house...
• will take out the trash, sort out the trash on the balcony...
• will show her attention, listen, hug, caress...

Complete your list.

That is, behind the attention and care provided lies the satisfaction of one’s desires and obtaining one’s own benefit.

He

• On the way home from work, he stops at the grocery store.
• Takes out the trash.
• Earns money and fulfills his wife's little whims.
• He is engaged in repairs and renovations in the house.

Complete your list.

In the hope that his efforts will be noticed, praised, appreciated. And in return for his actions, he will receive recognition, respect and sex.

Parents - children

Parents

• They buy ice cream, candy, cakes and other sweets.
• They buy toys, consoles, computers, phones...
• Buy fashionable clothes and accessories.
• They feed, clothe, put on shoes...
• They make wishes come true.
• They are subject to whims and hysterics, manipulations...
• They pay for tuition, sections, clubs...

And all this in order to prove to myself and others that I am a good parent. I'm a better mom than my mom was. I'm a better dad than my dad was. I am fulfilling my parental duty. I meet the norms and standards of proper parenting, and everyone has their own norms and standards :)

Friends - girlfriends

Men

• borrow money;
• respond to a request for help to buy a part, fix a car, make repairs...
• provide services in transporting things, finding employment, connecting with the right people...
• play tennis, fish...
• get together to drink beer, go to the bathhouse...

Because friends are economically beneficial, they solve any issues and you can drink beer with them, watch a match, swear and show yourself as a “man”.

Women

• listen to problems and experiences;
• help in preparing a festive dinner, sorting through things, cleaning up the mess...
• prepare and bring treats for everyone;
• they give gifts, bring souvenirs from trips...
• treated to a cafe...
• help in choosing and purchasing clothes, accessories...

Thus, using her friends as a drain for worries and problems when she needs it. To satisfy a sense of superiority and self-worth. To prove to herself that she is no worse than others and also knows how to cook, do something, etc.

Conclusion:

Most of the actions that people do for others or for the sake of others most often have a selfish motive. And it’s not even about the actions themselves, but about the motivation. In why and for what you do and accomplish something.

For those who want to learn how to identify subconscious motives of behavior, the “Pysanka - clarification” method will help.

The difficulty is that most motives are subconscious in nature and are not recognized by the person. There are actually not so many hypocrites and scoundrels who deliberately commit nasty and harmful things. Most people act and live thinking that they are doing good for others, but in fact, there is a program of selfishness at work subconsciously.

That is why such a common phrase as “doing good” appeared.

Before you do, choose, decide something for others or for them, it is important to think carefully and look for what I need it for. Why did I have the desire to do this. Why do I need this?

Remember: Altruism and selfishness are two sides of the same coin. Personal gain will always be hidden behind them.

Selfishness and its manifestations as a parasitic way of life

Modern people lead a parasitic lifestyle. This is recognized even by modern scientists, especially those involved in ecology.

Most often, a person does not think about how his everyday actions affect the lives of people, animals, plants, etc.

We are a consumer society, where the most important role is played by obtaining benefits and satisfying one's own desires.

Examples:

Garbage

The most common action that every person performs is scattering, collecting and throwing away garbage.

Some stop only at the first point - spreading. They don’t even think about who will collect the garbage and how to dispose of it. This is what children and groups of people drinking on the street most often do.

Another part of the people stops at the second point - collecting. They collect after themselves and sometimes after those who have scattered them. They don’t think about what happens next with this garbage. This is what older children and men most often do.

A third of people reach point 3 - throwing it away. They carry the garbage to the bins and most often the action ends there.

But the life of garbage begins precisely from this moment. It is collected and taken to landfills, where it accumulates, rots for centuries and defiles everything around it. Slowly decomposing materials cause particular harm to the environment: glass, metal, plastic, etc.

Thus, by throwing out garbage, a person satisfies his own need to get rid of garbage in his life. At the same time, he does not think at all about the harm he brings to the earth.

This results in a classic egoist and consumer.

Exit:

Modern environmental trends suggest sorting waste, which is already a step towards its recycling. Also in eco-villages it is customary to burn what burns, bury what rots and send only tin and metal for recycling. Glass is recycled, and they try not to use plastic at all.

Collection of herbs and bouquets

Another example of a consumer attitude towards nature is the collection of medicinal herbs and picking flowers.

Herbs are collected for making infusions, making oils and tinctures. Flowers are picked to decorate the home and yourself, or to please someone.

At the same time, only a small part of people negotiate with the spirits of the plants and with the plants themselves in order to obtain permission to collect.

In this way, a person again satisfies only his own desires and needs, without thinking about the fact that he violates the order of another world - the natural one.

Exit:

Before picking a blade of grass, a flower, breaking off a branch, cutting down a tree, etc., it is important to reach an agreement with the plant, obtain its approval and permission.

Fashion trends in clothing

A striking example of hidden egoism is blindly following fashion trends.

Instead of following natural cycles and dressing according to the weather, modern “fashionistas”, even when it is cold and damp, wear tight, short and holey pants, torn “fashionably” jackets and T-shirts, and short skirts.

In this way, a person satisfies his own “want,” harming his health, and therefore his life, and the life of the family as a whole. At the same time, he does not take into account natural cycles and acts contrary to them.

Exit:

Before blindly following fashion trends, we recommend that you think about how these clothes will affect your health, whether they correspond to the weather and natural cycles.

***

It turns out that modern man very often behaves like a parasite, satisfying only his own needs, without coordinating them with the outside world and other people.

How to recognize an egoist?

► If we are talking about primitive, and not reasonable, egoism, then interaction with its owner can turn into troubles, and sometimes even tragedy. Therefore, information on how to recognize a “terry egocentrist” will be useful to you. This is especially true for those who do not understand people well and suffer from their own gullibility.

7 hallmarks of an egoist

1. A selfish person does not show interest in others; he is only animated by his own person. This is clearly visible in conversation.

2. For him there are no other points of view. All positions except your own are wrong.

3. An egoist gets nervous when another person devotes time and attention to himself. If we are talking about a couple, then everything should be subordinated only to his interests.

4. Such a person does not skimp on criticizing others. The target of humiliating remarks can be anyone except himself.

5. Egoists are skilled manipulators. They actively use threats and blackmail to get what they want.

6. Categorically divides responsibilities based on gender and makes derogatory comments about members of the opposite sex, showing discrimination.

7. Indulges his own whims and whims, spends money on expensive trinkets, saving on his girlfriend/boyfriend. Or he makes expensive gifts solely for the purpose of showing off, without taking into account the preferences and desires of the person to whom he presents them.

What's wrong with selfishness?

We come to the key question of why - selfishness is bad, I will give the arguments below, and it is also worth listing the positive aspects of selfishness.

Disadvantages of primitive egoism:

• The egoist lives only for his own pleasure;
• Manipulates other people;
• Does not value attachments if they do not bring benefits (moral, material);
• Disregards the interests of others;
• Can deceive, set up, let you down at the most inopportune moment;
• It is difficult to communicate with egoists;
• The manner of communication among egoists is dismissive and arrogant;
• Can ridicule the interlocutor, humiliate him;
• Capable of transgressing moral and ethical standards for the sake of his interests.

Pros of healthy selfishness:

• Adequate self-esteem;
• The ability to value yourself;
• Self-esteem;
• Ability to manage time rationally;
• Correct prioritization;
• A reasonable egoist takes care of his health and comfort;
• Finds a compromise between his needs and the interests of society.

Both lists can be continued and developed; here are only the main nuances of the behavior of the two types of egoists. As you can see, they are the opposite of each other. Which one to choose depends only on you.

Origin of egoism

According to one version, selfishness is a quality that belongs to a foreign inorganic entity. More precisely, egoism is the essence of this essence. Myths say that they appeared on our planet millions of years ago. They came, driven by hunger and fear, realizing that there was definitely something to profit from here.

But the living conditions on the planet did not quite suit them. They cannot be on the surface, so they went inside the Earth, deep inside.

But constant hunger and fear of death forced them to find a way to be able to constantly access the energy they eat.

This energy—power—is generated by a person through his experiences and emotions. These creatures feed only on the radiation of negative feelings.

No matter how much they eat, it is never enough for them. They are always hungry because hunger and fear are part of their essence. In order to constantly receive energy, they decided to make a person spend most of his life in worries and negative emotions.

They infected a person with themselves, added a mutation to the human gene - a virus of selfishness, which is passed on from generation to generation, providing these creatures with constant food.

After all, it is selfish manifestations that drive people apart, force them to quarrel, swear, worry, feel guilty and resentful, cultivate pride and pity, force them to build relationships according to the laws of “victim-executioner,” etc. That is, they do everything to make a person constantly worry and experience mental pain.

As we wrote above, the essence of these creatures is eternal hunger and fear of death. Their main qualities also include loneliness and coldness. They are always loners because they are afraid of each other and compete with each other to get more energy - food. They themselves do not know how to generate energy - strength, therefore they are 100% parasites, always existing at the expense of someone else.

Their relationship is built on the principle of a pyramid of power and strength. Whoever is stronger has power. Whoever has power has more access to energy resources.

Doesn't remind you of anything?...

Egoist or Man?

At our school, we conducted research into the essence of a person, his current standard state, and also came to the conclusion that selfishness and humanity are incompatible with each other. These are two opposite directions. Humanity is the path of Life and creation. Selfishness is the path of destruction leading to death.

Egoist

An egoist is always a loner. He has no friends or very few. Relationships in the family and among relatives are absent or based on conflict. Such a person is cold, indifferent, calculating.

An egoist will always strive for separation; the whole world for him is divided into “I” and others. Man always strives for unification and lives by the concepts of “We”.

The stronger the virus of egoism in a person, the less human there is in him and the more qualities of that very essence.

They are manifested not only in the form of a gene mutation, but also as energy parasites in the human field, visible as black blots. And also in the form of physical parasites living in the human body.

By the way, all the dark creations of man are manifestations of egoism in different forms.

An egoist is someone who is always looking for a freebie and tries to get his own benefit at the expense of others. An egoist is someone who does everything to avoid making efforts. An egoist will always avoid responsibility, duty and obligations.

An egoist is always afraid. He always lives from a state of need. And it is constantly in a state of war - conflict and competition. Fear, hunger (need), conflict are the 3 main components of the life of those creatures that always ultimately lead a person to loneliness, destruction and death.

Human

Man always strives for community. For him, the most important thing in life is relationships: family, relatives, friends, associates. The basis of such relationships is Love. The whole life of a person is permeated with Love. Love for family, relatives, friends, associates, business, work, life in general.

***

So it turns out that an egoist and a person are not the same thing. And selfishness is not a human quality, not a quality of character, but a completely inhuman manifestation. An egoist is a parasite that lives at the expense of a person and eats his energy - strength.

Ethical Egoism

▪️ The definition of ethical egoism is one of the most controversial in this topic. It is believed that each person should pursue his own interests, and the totality of interests of people in society thus becomes an incentive for the improvement of society as a whole. But this theory is utopian and is possible only in some ideal world, where all aspirations are subordinated to one goal.

As an example, we can cite the socialist system, and especially the one that now exists in the Asian region of our planet. Probably everyone is familiar with common moral values, standards of material well-being and other signs of socialism. Such egoism can only exist in an artificially created space.

▪️ In order to look after your interests and strive for personal well-being, thus developing the entire society, you need to think the same way. This can only be achieved through total propaganda and education of an entire generation (and possibly several generations) of people with a certain way of thinking.

▪️ In a normal state, ethical egoism is impossible, since there is a constant clash of interests even at a small, everyday level. As an example, we can take the behavior of different groups of people - motorists, pedestrians and cyclists. Their interests are in constant conflict and interaction is possible only by observing strict rules. Complete and absolute well-being for each of these groups is possible only with the elimination of competitors.

The theory of ethical egoism does not tolerate compromise, but in real life this is impossible. Therefore, the concept of ethical egoism is considered untenable and rather theoretical.

Selfishness and its manifestations: Benefits

In connection with everything written above, the question arises: how did a person allow himself to be infected? How did it happen that he became a victim of selfishness?

The answer is very simple. It is beneficial for a person to be selfish.

Benefits are divided into conscious and subconscious. Both of them work effectively enough to force a person to act in accordance with what is beneficial to him.

Examples of benefits:

Pride I don’t owe anything to anyone and I don’t have to, so I can do what I want and consider necessary. And I don't care how it affects others. I know better what is better.

Laziness and desire for freebies Here the benefit is quite transparent - get what you need and want without putting in any effort. Those. without agreement, interaction and mutual exchange.

Touchiness and capriciousness The desire to receive attention and love from the outside, to fill oneself at the expense of others.

Criticism and condemnation The benefit is the same as in the previous paragraph - to get attention and power at someone else's expense, for free.

Hidden and overt manipulation Get what you want without an agreement or interaction, i.e. without putting your power into action.

Avoidance of responsibility and excessive control of everything and everyone The benefit is the same as in laziness and manipulation - to achieve a goal at someone else’s expense.

Sacrifice The desire to receive attention and love from the outside, to fill oneself with strength and energy at the expense of others.

Quarrelsomeness, scandalousness and nonsense The desire to get what is yours and achieve the desired goal at the expense of others, without investing your own strength.

Coldness and indifference Gives me the opportunity to do what I consider necessary and as I consider necessary, without taking into account those around me. That is, without an agreement and interaction.

Rigid beliefs and stereotyped thinking. It gives you the opportunity to always justify yourself and not change. In order to ultimately do what I think is right.

How to deal with selfishness?

You can overcome selfishness, just like you can overcome envy and despondency; you only need patience and humility.

Realize that all people are essentially the same as you.

Sooner or later, you will feel the damage that you cause to other people, since you are also a person and you know who it is when they treat you selfishly and unfairly.

Instill in yourself the idea that a fist is always stronger than one finger and if you want to achieve some heights, then you will have to do it collectively.

In a team, you will understand that you are not the center of the earth, but a small part of it, which, uniting with other people, can improve this world.

Working in one team, you will begin to take into account and respect the interests of your colleagues and partners. You can become so close to these people that their happiness and their concerns will be important to you.

Remember that your family and friends may suffer because of your selfishness.

If you don't devote time to your children or even your pets, they will starve and remain in a deficit of attention.

Conclusion:

Selfishness is the most common and terrible disease of modern man. And the scary thing about it is that the person himself feeds and supports it, because it benefits him.

At the origin of the manifestation of egoism is always the desire to receive. Get what you want, attention, strength, energy.

And here lies the biggest change. Because in the end it is not the person who receives energy and strength, but the creature that controls him. A parasite that exists due to the emotions and feelings released by a person.

Selfishness and its manifestations are not about character qualities. An egoist and a person are two completely different creatures. Two opposite directions of movement in life.

Me or We. Himself - alone or Together - unification. Development or walking in circles. Destruction or creation. Death or life.

And it is impossible to combine this with each other.

Selfishness always leads to degeneration. A person can completely lose himself and turn into a soulless, cold creature, driven by the desire to satisfy his needs at the expense of others. Become an egoist - a parasite, completely mutate and be reborn into a terrible creature that only looks like a human in appearance.

It is important to understand the essence - the roots of what is happening and consciously make a choice about who to be and live.

Selfishness always manifests itself clearly in the sphere of relationships:

• Man is nature.
• Man is the world.
• Man is a state.
• Man is a system.
• A person is a person.
• With myself.

And so on.

Selfishness is most clearly visible in family, friendship and in man-woman relationships.

If you want to be human, develop human qualities and aspirations in yourself

Qualities inherent in a person and inaccessible to an egoist:

• Love
• Kindness
• Mercy
• Sympathy
• Joy
• Friendship
• Generosity
• Trust and faith
• Hard work
• Caring and careful
• Heat
• Openness
• Attentiveness
• Gratitude
• Sincerity and truthfulness
• Quick wits
• Wisdom

This means that for everyone who wants to be and live as a human being, it is important:

1. Learn to negotiate and build relationships.
2. Remember that the most important and meaningful thing for a person is love and friendship, and they are not bought or sold. Therefore, it is so important to learn to be friends and show love in thoughts, feelings, words, actions and deeds.
3. Learn to distinguish your human manifestations from selfish ones. Recognize hidden benefits and change them into conscious aspirations.
4. Move away from rigid beliefs and habitual patterns. Develop flexibility of the body, joints and thinking. Learn something new, do something new, change yourself.
5. Learn to allow and express different emotions and feelings without destroying yourself or others.
6. Work and work with joy and inspiration.
7. Be friends. Create families based on love. Give birth to children in love. Live in love.

And then the parasite that controls a person and exists at his expense will leave, fall off on its own, as it will be left without food.

Lana Chulanova, Ekaterina Zemlyanaya

Looking for reasons

Let's say you have discovered the signs of a selfish person, and now you want to overcome them, but you have absolutely no idea how to stop being selfish. This is not done in a couple of hours - after all, killing part of your ego is not so easy. And egoism is nothing more than an exorbitantly expanded ego. And in order to overcome it, you need to understand in general the nature of its occurrence. The ego is the part of the subconscious that is responsible for psychological safety and health. In other words, she in every possible way prevents any unpleasant decisions, changes and any changes.