Why do you lose interest in a girl?
You meet a beautiful girl and one day you realize that you are bored with her.
She starts talking, and you know in advance what she is going to say, what words, with what intonation, what will follow.
You wish she would just stop and be silent.
She always seems to have to say something, even when it's not necessary.
And you begin to wonder why you lose interest in the girl, because before you liked everything about her, but now you are sure that others are better and more interesting.
Boredom in a relationship can mean many things, but most of all, emotional decline.
Sooner or later, the stage of first falling in love ends, you look at the girl with different eyes and realize that in fact you are incompatible.
After such thoughts, you begin to move away, you become irritated by little things more often, sex becomes less frequent, and you break up.
You continue to be angry with her and do not understand that the reason for your separation lies in you, and not in her.
If nothing is corrected, then you will remain in constant search for an ideal, interesting partner and be disappointed every time.
Falling in love is an unconscious state.
Between the two of you there is a strong attraction, attraction, your desires come to the surface.
This is a surge of hormones, a constant desire to have sex and make plans together.
Then the hormonal surge subsides, you calm down and begin to notice some shortcomings in each other.
If you are lucky and can put up with these shortcomings, then you will fall in love with each other again, but this time it will be a conscious feeling for a real person.
Too many loving couples break up during a hormonal decline due to criticism, disappointment and mutual reproaches.
You get bored with this girl because you actually have little in common with her.
Is this a good reason to think about why the girl you love, appreciate and don’t want to lose gets bored? There is an explanation for this.
Even if you are already dating someone, this material will be useful to you.
Photo: pixabay.com
Today, not all men want to build a serious and strong relationship with a specific girl, preferring instead fleeting affairs that last from a week to several months.
Sometimes this may be a conscious choice in favor of career or other priorities, and sometimes it is due to an obsessive fear of commitment, which, in the opinion of these men, comes with a relationship.
Moreover, sometimes such fears develop into a real phobia, forcing many guys to periodically break up with girls in order not to let them get too close. In this case, it would be wise to consult with a psychotherapist who works with such situations, or read our material.
In it, we have collected several signs that you are afraid of commitment and are not ready for a serious relationship, as well as four tips on what exactly you need to do about it.
Methods
One of the ways is ignoring.
Perhaps not a single guy has encountered a situation where the thoughts arise: “I don’t want to date a girl because I don’t like her, but I don’t know how to tell her about it.” Let's figure out what needs to be done in this case.
- If you study or work together, and she shows some interest in you, then you can resort to politely ignoring her. Pretend that you don’t notice the girl, with all your appearance show disinterest in her special one. In such a situation, two scenarios are possible. In the first, the girl can understand everything, reconcile and calm down. In the second, if her feelings are too strong, then over time she will decide to open up, confess, and lead to a serious conversation. In this case, you will have to directly say that you are not interested in her.
- Heart to heart conversation. If you see that a beautiful person does not understand hints, tell her directly that you do not want to date her. It is possible that the young lady will cry, and maybe even threaten or blackmail. But sometimes it’s better to dot all the i’s right away. If a girl seems slightly unbalanced, decides to follow you around, and pursues you endlessly, then you will have to rudely state that you do not like her company. It is important to show the determination of your intention.
- Turn on the fool. If a girl is trying by hook or by crook to attract your attention and arrange a romantic meeting, then excuses are needed, sometimes ridiculous ones. A girl may realize that she has gotten involved with a not quite normal guy or realizes that she is not interested in you and is behaving this way on purpose.
- White lie. You can say that you have three children, or you have a mortgage, or there is another girl whom you love very much, or that you are constantly on a drinking binge. Sometimes it’s worth lying about something, putting yourself in a bad light, so as not to offend a beautiful person.
Pretend that you are not free, you already have a loved one. You can resort to the help of a friend who can play the role of a lover.
First date8
The second act of the play “I Want a Girl” is the first meeting. To begin with, the lady should be invited correctly.
There is no need to rack your brains over the proposal for too long. Tell it like it is: I want to meet and spend time together. The message can be spiced up with humor, but this is not a requirement.
The girl definitely agrees. A guy who is not interested is not given contact information.
“Pickup artists” distinguish 3 types of dates:
- Fast;
- Combined;
- Comfortable.
Such a division does not have much practical meaning. After all, any place is suitable for a first date. The main thing is to coordinate it with your companion in advance.
You can start the meeting with something non-trivial. Jumping on trampolines, roller skating, cycling. A little joint activity will help strengthen feelings and tune in to the desired romantic mood.
Later it’s worth moving to a restaurant and cafe. There, share pleasant memories and learn more about each other.
The restaurant must be booked in advance to avoid unpleasant incidents. Often people go to the first place they come across and are left with nothing. Girls love people who think things through.
Here is the main list of reasons why a girl bothers a guy
Consequences of early love
Boredom may arise after the frenzy of the first passion has subsided.
The question is, can you both fall in love with each other all over again?
If there is something more between you than sex, then you are lucky, and boredom will soon cease to be a problem.
Otherwise, it might not be right for you.
Consequences of childhood trauma
You can't completely trust girls.
In this case, boredom is a defense that keeps you at a safe distance from other people.
Do you really want it?
Destructive power struggle
Do you really need to be the leader in every aspect and are you competing with your girlfriend for dominance in the relationship?
If so, then boredom is a good way to protect yourself, and it is less provocative than anger.
Are you depressed?
Please note that mood disorders such as depression can cause apathy and boredom in people.
In this case, your feelings have nothing to do directly with the girl, but are caused by an exhausting psychological state.
You need professional help.
Adviсe
It is important to remember the girl's feelings. Be as gentle as possible
- The girl may react inappropriately. The young lady is active, she herself offers to start a relationship, and at such a moment she experiences an excess of emotions. When communicating with such a special person, you need to be as calm as possible, politely refuse the girl, not be rude, and say that you treat her as a friend.
- Before refusing, you need to think about and justify the upcoming speech. It is important that after you tell a girl that you cannot date her, she realizes that this is really the case. In addition, you need to be absolutely sure that there is no chance of a relationship with this person even in the near future. If the young lady still arouses interest, even minimally, you should not get excited or rush into your refusal. It's better to get to know each other better.
- When talking to a girl, try to look her straight in the eyes. If you look away, it will look like you are hiding something, lying.
- Be sure to finish your speech with something pleasant after you say words that are bitter for the girl. Give the young lady a compliment or tell her that you are glad that you aroused tender feelings in such a beautiful female representative.
Now you know what to say to a girl so that she understands that you don’t want to date her, without being offended. It is necessary to understand that if a young lady is deeply in love, then no soft method will minimize the pain from the fact that her lover does not reciprocate. Remember that it is unacceptable to start a relationship out of pity, it will only get worse.
Post-relationship period
If you are after a painful relationship, then at the same time as relief, you suffer from complete psychological chaos. This is a difficult but important stage in which it is necessary to get out of the past correctly.
First of all, accept what happened, allow the possibility of this in your life. You should not plunge headlong into a new relationship, get into some adventures, start drinking, hang out with different men, keeping only the thought of revenge in your head.
If you got out of a painful relationship, it means you did everything right and deserve better. Even if there were positive aspects in them, you shouldn’t dwell on them. These memories do not compensate for all the negativity you received with a man.
In the post-relationship period, it is necessary to speak out. Maybe to my mother, a friend, if this is not possible, then to a psychologist. It happens that a woman cannot tell her experiences, then write down everything that happened, what worries you, your thoughts on paper.
How to live after leaving a relationship
Even if you survived the relationship, let it go, and don’t hold a grudge against the man, it’s normal that for several months you don’t want to enter into new commitments. After all, it will take more than one day to reboot.
Useful tips on how to get through this life stage less painfully:
- Discover a new hobby, start playing sports. You need to distract yourself, free your head from thoughts. Therefore, a new activity should completely absorb you. Dancing provides a good way to relieve stress. There is even such an expression as “dance out the stress.”
- Learn to live alone, but don't overwhelm yourself with too many decisions and changes. It will scare you.
- Don’t let yourself get into a depressive state, which is difficult to get out of. Start taking action: renovate your apartment, get a new hairstyle, update your wardrobe. Take care of your body.
- Meet your friends, make new acquaintances. This way you will regain your healthy self-esteem.
- If possible, go on a trip. If this is not possible, then after work, sign up for fitness, go to the movies, cafes, concerts, exhibitions, theater. Immerse yourself in new experiences.
Of course, you won’t be able to forget your ex right away; this will take time. But, if more than one month has already passed, and you still cannot get the relationship out of your head, you twist it, then this is already a reason for alarm.
Your experiences and thoughts do not allow you to start a normal life. Whenever there is any trouble, you are plunged into memories again and again. You are stuck in a state of grief, you could not go through the acceptance stage, then you should contact a specialist.
Is it worth entering into a substitute relationship?
Often women enter into substitute relationships to avoid loneliness, despair, and to prevent themselves from returning to their ex. Such connections are short-lived and non-binding.
A woman makes an attempt to forget a man and begins to communicate with the one she liked. Such relationships do not provide complete satisfaction. Since she is still at the experiencing stage. The idea that a new partner will help you forget your ex is an illusion.
During the period of substitution relationships, a feeling of guilt may develop. Since the emotions for the former partner still remained, they did not get over themselves. A woman is devastated after a breakup. She has nothing to offer the new man. There is no emotional intimacy between them.
As a result, two people are already at the stage of suffering. Substitute relationships only brought trouble. Therefore, you should not join them. It’s better to take a break, live alone, let go of the past.
If, after leaving a painful relationship, a woman does not want to enter into a new one, then this is normal in the case when the period is not prolonged. This stage is necessary for acceptance, to let go of the past. If the situation has dragged on for a long time, then you should start working on yourself or consult a psychologist.
Destructive power struggle
Remember the couples who constantly compete with each other.
Now think about how often you quarrel with your girlfriend and what is the reason for these quarrels.
Please note the following.
Do you fight about money, about leaving the lights on at night, about who gets to walk the dog, about the way she dresses, or about your bad manners?
Relationships are a mutual exchange of energy.
And when positive emotions prevail, more positivity comes.
I want to do something for you, considering how much you support me.
On the other hand, negative feedback can kill a relationship.
If you're not going to do anything for me, why should I go out of my way for you?
Boredom can be a defensive reaction in such competitive relationships.
Your mind doesn't want to deal with anger, resentment, disappointment, so you block these emotions and feel bored.
This can go on for years.
Unfortunately, boredom can also creep into your sex life.
The surge of new passion subsides, and you begin to study her body.
Making love is about enjoying your partner, and not just about idealizing a new sexual experience.
Since sex and power are two very strong and significant concepts, power struggles can cause great harm to your intimate life.
It's impossible to relax and enjoy intimacy if you're constantly competing for dominance.
Will you be able to hug her tenderly if you are angry, or will you immediately after coitus roll over on your side and fall asleep, and she will think until the morning that you have stopped loving her.
Many couples break up due to unsaid things.
Both people carry anger within them that turns into frustration and boredom.
Relationships are like living beings that are born, nourished by something, grow, and become stronger.
And if you don't grow together, you will definitely wither.
Mistrust
What is another problem of convinced bachelors? In distrust of the people around. A man thinks that if he gets burned once, then the next experience will be just as bad. We need to look at things more optimistically. Yes, I was unlucky once. But this does not mean that all the people around will be traitors. There are many worthy people living in your city who will justify your trust. You just need to take a closer look at people. Take your negative experience as a lesson that taught you to be more careful. You shouldn’t open your soul to the first person you meet, but closing yourself in your shell for the rest of your life is also not an option.
Such a situation of mistrust can haunt not only men, but also women. The girl doesn't want to date, but continues to communicate? The lady does not want to move on to a serious relationship, because she is afraid that her partner may betray her. A man must prove to a woman that he is worthy of trust and that he will not let his beloved down.
Where and how to meet5
How to get a girl? Where do they live? These are fairly simple questions, but they need to be answered.
First of all, a man must set a clear goal for himself - who he is looking for and why.
To begin with, it is worth understanding what kind of relationship is planned. If this is a so-called “one-time hookup,” then a beautiful figure and face are enough.
For a long-term relationship, with the possible creation of a full-fledged unit of society, you need a woman who fits the basic ideas of the “ideal”.
Everyone has different tastes. You can’t bend to public opinion and look for a long-legged beauty. You need to choose someone with whom it is interesting to communicate and spend time. Appearance is an important criterion. Choose the girl that you personally like. If your heart beats faster when you look at your partner, then everything is perfect.
The easiest and most accessible way to start communication is the Internet. There are plenty of dating apps that work effectively. There are descriptions of hobbies and photographs.
If meeting sites are not attractive, you should use classic dating in public places. Athletic girls can be found in gyms or at specialized events. In Moscow, for example, running events are constantly taking place. There you can make new acquaintances for long-term communication.
You can meet an erudite lady in the library or at a themed event. Looking for a partner based on your hobbies is an ideal option. Nowadays various events are regularly held where people get to know each other.
The easiest way to meet people is through friends of friends. It is enough to agree to meet with loved ones more often. They can introduce you to a friend who is ideal for a long-term relationship.
The main thing is not to sit still and constantly move. It is much easier for active people to understand how to get a girl.
Read more about quick meetings in our article.
Childhood trauma
Losing interest in your girlfriend can have its roots deep in childhood.
Perhaps you didn't get the attention you needed from your parents.
In their eyes, you were invisible and felt left out.
You were constantly competing for their attention with your brothers or sisters.
You protected yourself by finding solace in solitude.
Now you are taking this resentment out on your relationships with women.
Any closeness, even ideal, forces you to distance yourself.
You prefer to be alone than to become attached to someone.
There is another scenario for the development of events.
You were the only child in the family.
Your parents adored you and considered you ideal.
The early idealization of love during the dating stage worked great, but when she stopped seeing you as the ideal man, you became very stressed.
Instead of agreeing to a more adult relationship, you seethe with rage.
Psychologically, you become distant, and this manifests itself in boredom.
You ask yourself: Why should I bother with a girl who doesn't meet all my needs?
Don't evaluate yourself through relationships
Your value does not depend at all on the presence or absence of a mate. This is difficult to believe, since modern culture extols those who have found their other half. The meaning of life is personal happiness - we hear about this from every iron. Lonely people are looked at, ridiculed, despised and even feared.
The more we avoid loneliness, the weaker our ability to experience it and the more it frightens us.
Michael Finkel
American journalist, writer, author of the book “I Eat Silence with Spoons”
It's actually a clever use of a basic instinct. Two people of equal value enter into a relationship. Their importance is confirmed long before the beginning of a romantic relationship.
Remember: even if you don't have a partner, you are a wonderful and worthy person. There will always be those who will judge you for being lonely. You shouldn’t pay attention to them: nerves are more valuable.
There's nothing wrong with being alone
Without a doubt, being alone is important and necessary, but still – in moderation and in the correct understanding of the word. You can take time for yourself, do your favorite things, hobbies, or just relax. But loneliness in terms of renouncing relationships is not a good idea. Again, of course, not for everyone. Many people consciously come to the decision not to start a relationship, devoting themselves to their career, personal growth, meeting friends and traveling. Such individuals exist, but in much smaller numbers than those who have fenced themselves off from all kinds of relationships and decided that they are doing quite well anyway. And again - why? Of course, experience.
What is the conclusion? Man is a social being, for whom communication is like air. And the main thing here is to learn to perceive what you have accumulated over the years not as a bitter experience, but as an impetus to move on, to go beyond your own boundaries, as a reason to start over, learning from your mistakes.
Header image by Pietro Tebaldi, Unsplash.
When will the relationship start?9
If the first date was successful, don't relax. Communication will remain just as intense. You need to talk not only on social networks, but also on the phone. Things like this bring people together and help improve communication skills.
It’s worth offering to move to the next level after 3-5 dates. As before, it is worth saying everything directly. Girls tend to make hints, men tend to be straightforward.
Ladies like decisive men who do more than they talk. Therefore, you can catch the perfect moment for a kiss. Such a transition from talk to action will conquer any woman’s heart. It is important not to force yourself into sexual relations. Girls don't like to be rushed. Such topics can be discussed, but forcing intimacy is strictly prohibited.
The lady herself will decide when she is ready to surrender herself into passionate embraces. The guy will definitely notice this moment. There won’t be a mating dance like animals have, but the phrase “maybe you’ll come by” will completely replace it. And how to get a woman and ignite desire in her, read more in our article further on the link.
Narrow range of interests
“I don’t want to meet anyone” is the favorite “excuse” of people who do not want to leave their home and, instead of communicating with others, prefer watching TV series or computer games. If you understand that your circle of acquaintances is incredibly narrow, then change this situation. Go out to social events more often, join a club that suits your interests, or meet people on the street. Don't be afraid to try something new. You need to come out of your cocoon and not be afraid of real life. This is the only way you will understand what a wonderful world you live in.
Boredom as a symptom of depression
This condition can deprive a person of vitality.
Under the guise of boredom, you can lose dynamic involvement in life.
You may indeed be unhappy in your relationships, but keep in mind that depression often leads to apathy or a lack of joy in things that previously brought you pleasure.
Hormonal changes, stress, and lack of sleep can cause depression, and as a result, you will begin to distance yourself from your girlfriend.
You will no longer be interested in her difficulties at work or gossip about her friends: she will become boring and uninteresting for you.
This mood disorder is very serious and requires immediate treatment.
This is not a reason to end a relationship that previously suited you completely.
Depression can also occur in the midst of a midlife crisis.
The harsh realization that life has its limits causes men to reevaluate the situation, and some become depressed.
You realize that you can no longer look young.
You are starting to have some health problems.
Many relationships end during this period, and you can often hear that he is simply bored with her or that he has lost interest in her.
But in fact, the main reason for breaking up is depression, and not a bored girl.
How not to refuse
- Feed illusions. It is unacceptable to flirt with a girl with whom you do not plan a relationship. Meaningless conversations, languid glances, random touches should not take place with a young lady who is unrequitedly in love with you. At the same time, it is important to be absolutely sure that there can be no relationship with this person.
- "I'm problematic." There is no need to tell a girl that you are unworthy of her because you are a brute or a scoundrel. You need to understand that a young lady who is in love will be ready to accept you in any way.
- It is unacceptable to lower a girl's self-esteem. If a young lady is overweight or has some defects in her appearance, you cannot declare this, pointing out the reason for your reluctance to date her. In addition to the fact that you will greatly underestimate her self-esteem, you will also offend the young lady. It’s better in such a situation to say “I’m sorry, but I’m in love with someone else” or “I’m sorry, but I’m not ready for a serious relationship.” Of course, the girl will be upset, but not as much as in the case of a more strict wording of the refusal.
- You should not ask a girl who is crazy about you to be just friends. She may agree to such a relationship, but for her it will be just torment. And you will feel awkward, because you are aware of her strong feelings that remain unrealized.
- It is unacceptable to use a girl for personal gain, for the sake of intimacy or other gain.
You need to declare your reluctance to build a relationship very carefully so as not to hurt the tender feelings of the young lady. A young man must be prepared for a non-standard reaction; tears and hysteria are possible, but this is not a reason to be rude to a beautiful person or insult her feelings. This type of behavior is unacceptable.
Find hobbies
The secret of many successful people is passion to the point of complete immersion in the work. It gives energy and strength to move forward.
Find something that excites you and gives you satisfaction. This is not a way to kill time while you are alone. These are new ideas that fill life and decorate it.
Life has meaning if it has passion.
Don't confuse passion with obsession. The latter is exhausting, drains energy and easily turns into a bad habit.
