Self-harm or self-harm is the intentional infliction of bodily harm on oneself. This deviation can appear at any age, so it is important for parents to recognize self-harm in a child in time and take appropriate measures. If you cannot cope with the problem on your own, you need to seek professional psychological help. Individually selected correctional therapy will help you effectively combat self-destructive behavior, learn to respond adequately to stressful situations, improve psycho-emotional health, and increase self-esteem. To prevent surfharm, psychologists advise developing the habit of switching attention, finding a favorite hobby that will help you distract from bad thoughts, learning to relax and meditate in order to pacify a restless mind and live in harmony with yourself.
What is selfharm
Selfharm is a disease that affects people of completely different ages. Conscious self-harm is caused by the need to cope with uncontrollable emotions: anger, anxiety, sadness, etc. At the same time, self-harm rarely helps a person feel better - all because of the guilt and feelings of shame that appear immediately after the damage is done.
Self-harm can be obvious and hidden. The first includes bodily harm: cuts, burns, bites, blows, hair pulling, injections, self-flagellation;
Hidden self-harm can occur unconsciously. As an example:
- deliberately depriving oneself of food as punishment;
- exhausting physical activity ;
- forcing oneself into unpleasant sexual relations .
Self-harm is the act of deliberately harming one's body without any suicidal intent, but people who deliberately harm themselves are more likely to commit suicide than others. But there is no direct correlation between suicide and self-harm. Self-harm in adolescents and adults is an unsuccessful way of emotional self-regulation, allowing them to cope with strong negative feelings here and now.
If parents notice that their child is engaged in self-torture, in no case should they close their eyes, believing that everything will work out on its own. This serious psychological illness must be dealt with promptly and correctly by seeking help from a professional psychologist.
Environment
If you were to ask me what helped me cross the fatal line and regain my integrity, then among the many things that filled my life after the tragedy, I would single out one thing - the environment. And to be specific - your girlfriend. I still haven’t fully figured out whether the fact that I wanted to run away from friends, family and other people who wanted to help me was a consequence of shock or a trait of my character. The only person I wanted to see and talk to was my close friend, the one I was traveling with. If you have ever tried to get through difficult times by turning to books or articles that advise how to do this, then you probably know what it means to seek help from loved ones. I don’t know how my friend knew how to behave with a person in my situation, but she did everything right. Together we plunged into my emptiness, trying to find at least something there, to light a light in the pitch darkness. We laughed, remembering the past, cried, feeling the present and doubted, planning the future, my future. She listened to everything I had to say, argued when I saw that I was wrong, smiled when I realized that I had found the right path, and pulled me by the hand when I couldn’t “go.”
Talking when you're broken is necessary. Talk to someone who really loves you. In such conversations, truth is born, for which, by the way, you can live if there is nothing else to do. If there is someone who is ready to lend you a shoulder, lean on them. This is the second step on the path to wholeness - to pour out your inner sea into your soul mate. Care, support, understanding and love - everyone knows that this is an effective medicine, but sometimes it only takes one person to witness your inner explosion. What do I mean by this? Don’t be afraid to speak, look for new thoughts, build new meanings while the stream flows.
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How to recognize self-harm in a teenager
Recognizing self-harm in adolescents and adults is often very difficult. Therefore, parents find out about their child’s problem late, since it is often already progressing and is at an advanced stage. The fact is that any bodily injury is carefully hidden under clothing from prying eyes. However, there are characteristic signs by which such a mental disorder can be recognized:
- Persistent bruises, cuts, burns, bites on the limbs, neck, chest, stomach, back.
- Wearing closed, voluminous clothing that hides almost all parts of the body. At the same time, the teenager prefers to wear closed clothes even in hot weather.
- Sudden mood swings, apathy, tearfulness, causeless aggression and irritability.
- Closedness, avoidance of any contact with society, lack of interests, hobbies, hobbies.
- Sudden weight loss, hair loss.
- Signs of alcohol and illicit substance use.
If parents notice at least a couple of signs in their child, they need to immediately take active measures to combat the problem. Although self-harm does not pose a serious threat to life, it poses serious risks to mental and physical health. Self-harm can develop into compulsive behavior, causing the person to no longer be able to cope with their emotions without the help of self-harm.
Don't be afraid to lose integrity
I have been loved many times and loved myself. Surrounded by people with different attitudes towards sensuality, loneliness and love, I always believed that my way of living was the most correct. Every time I broke up with someone who used to be dear to me, I thought that being honest with myself was even more important than being honest with the people around me. That’s why I wasn’t afraid to be alone, but to go out inside, yes. Fortunately for me, life gave gifts tirelessly. One love was immediately replaced by another, the old romance, tired of imperfections and dissatisfaction, became a thing of the past, and a new one began, showing that life can be much wider and deeper than I previously thought. New people proved to me that I was right, living by the principle: “be brave, and you will definitely get something wonderful.” And, indeed, that’s how it happened. I never believed in karma, fate, samsara, etc., but the fear of falling apart whispered to me from within. It's much easier to be wise when everything is at your feet. I can’t say that I didn’t experience difficulties, and life was pure bliss for me - no.
And there were tears, and suffering and fears, but never before did I know what it was like to be broken, to lose integrity.
I created myself. Like a painting, like a song whose words I carefully chose. I sounded, attracting people, making them fall in love with me, forcing them to listen to me endlessly. And most importantly, I loved myself, because I sculpted my essence for so long. Being a person who is not indifferent to art, I searched for depth and boundlessness within myself. And so, I was ready, and life began to sparkle with all its colors, leaving behind everything that I chose to cross out and forget.
Can you imagine that a person who was slowly floating with the flow of life, enjoying all its offerings, could suddenly break down. Not like a defective toy, but to explode like a grenade, scattering into millions of fragments that seemed impossible to collect. And, by the way, this is still impossible. Lest it seem that I am telling a philosophical story, I will include in my narrative facts that prove that I am a person, real and living, just a long-winded thinker.
A year ago I lost a loved one in a terrible incident. It was this incident that became for me the point of no return to my former life, holistic and happy. I didn’t just break down, I ceased to exist, not as literally as he did, but still. I'm not talking about life, it always goes on, I'm talking about essence. Everything that I had carved with the skill of a jeweler for many years collapsed like a undermined building and went into oblivion. That's when I felt completely empty and alone.
Reasons for self-harm
The motives and causes of self-harm can be varied. Among the most common, psychologists identify the following:
- Mental trauma provoked by difficult life events. At the same time, a person may not be aware of the presence of such a trauma, however, having settled deep in the subconscious, it causes unbearable mental pain and experiences, from which one has to be distracted by any convenient means.
- Prolonged emotional stress caused by stress, fears, phobias.
- Death of a close relative, comrade, loved one.
- Mental disorder in which a person hears voices in his head and cannot cope with feelings of fear and obsessive thoughts.
- Physical violence . A person who has experienced physical violence may later subconsciously strive to repeat a familiar scenario.
- Difficult relationships with close relatives or team members: classmates, work colleagues.
- Non-traditional sexual orientation and non-acceptance of one's identity.
- Chronic depression.
- Guilt . In this situation, self-harm is a method of punishment for shortcomings and misconduct.
- Intimidation . If a person is threatened by someone, he may injure himself. In this way he tries to show that his body belongs only to him and no one else can cause physical pain.
Selfharm, the causes of which can be unpredictable, is a symptom of mental disorder. It can only be eliminated by treating the personality disorder that causes a person to harm his body.
Types of damage
The described damage can be divided into the following types:
- Impulsive. A person (often a teenager) causes harm to himself under a strong influx of emotions. This happens without intention or desire, unexpectedly, thoughtlessly and automatically.
- Stereotypical. People with a stereotypical type of self-harm in most cases inflict bruises on themselves. Typically for people with autism or developmental delays.
- Compulsive or moderate. Obsessive thoughts force a person to cause physical harm to himself. May be present in persons of any age.
Why are teenagers prone to self-harm?
According to studies conducted by psychologists, of all age groups, adolescents are the most susceptible to self-harm. This is explained by the fact that during the period of hormonal development, adolescents have the most difficulty coping with stress, difficulties, and personal failures.
If others treat a teenager negatively and he constantly hears criticism and ridicule addressed to him, his personal self-esteem plummets. Disgust and self-contempt force a teenager to resort to methods of self-punishment.
Often, the desire for self-harm arises in children as a reaction to an unfavorable situation in the family. Parents, placing too high hopes and expectations on their son or daughter, force them to always be in tension, which sooner or later leads to mental disorder. Such parents are accustomed to noticing only the mistakes and failures of their child, who, hearing every day about how bad he is, comes to the conclusion that he is mediocre and does not live up to the expectations of his father and mother. In order to somehow relieve emotional stress, the teenager resorts to self-flagellation, switching from emotional to physical pain.
At risk are teenagers who feel invisible in society. It is difficult for them to find contact with other children, express their thoughts correctly, and talk about their need for attention and support. Self-flagellation becomes a way to draw attention to yourself. This is a loud cry for help from a stormy teenager who finds it difficult to cope with difficult life situations on his own.
Filter out destructive and negative
- Unfollow toxic public pages and profiles of those who actively promote self-harm and post relevant posts and photos. Know that beautiful thoughts about the art of inflicting pain on yourself are just hype on the general pain of people like you. In this way, they recruit and keep subscribers on edgy material. Those who realized that this is a serious problem have long since reoriented their public pages to help, and are posting about how to get rid of it.
- Get rid of items that you have used to harm yourself.
How to deal with the problem
What to do if a teenager has signs of self-harm? It is important to understand that self-flagellation is not an independent mental disorder. It always occurs against the background of negative provoking factors. Therefore, in order to know how to help with self-harm, you must first find out the reasons for its occurrence.
To cope with the problem yourself, psychologists recommend using the following tips:
- Understand the reasons that provoke bad emotions. A person should observe his thoughts at ordinary times, when there is no stress and his psycho-emotional state is stable. It is important to understand what exactly provokes negative emotions that force you to harm yourself. Having identified the cause of self-harm, you can proceed to the next stage of self-help.
- You need to tell your problem to someone you trust. This could be a parent, a friend, a loved one. The support of a loved one will help you feel more confident, and this is important for the further fight against addiction.
- Write down all bad thoughts and experiences in a notebook. Pouring out pain on paper helps ease a person’s emotional state.
Methods of psychological assistance
Psychologists help determine the cause of the problem if the patient cannot do this on his own. In most cases, the latter cannot explain why they specifically harm themselves. Depth psychoanalysis helps to determine the preconditions for such behavior.
The treatment method is selected individually and may include the use of drug therapy. Taking medications is strictly controlled by a doctor. Cognitive behavioral therapy can achieve the maximum effect in the fight against self-torture. Psychotherapists advise patients to replace the habit of cutting veins or cauterizing themselves with any other actions not related to trauma. For example, you can start tearing paper.
Replacing them with your favorite activity or hobby will help you take your mind off obsessive thoughts. If harm is caused with the aim of obtaining certain emotions, then a cold shower, which intensifies the sensations, can help.
