RAZVOdis.RU Divorce Psychology and divorce
Wives who have received the status of “ex” should not worry that they can put an end to their lives. Of course, at first, it seems that the world has collapsed and there will be no happiness without a spouse, but over time everything passes and ex-wives regain happiness. Some continue to repeat: “I want to return to my ex-husband,” others simply remain on good terms with him. Very often, it turns out to restore the marriage, forget about the divorce and start all over again. Each outcome is individual.
Signs your ex wants to get back together
There are several basic clues that will make it clear that your lover wants to return. But one of the most important things that you need to keep in mind and answer honestly is how positive the relationship was. If you are sure that they were positive and you parted very stupidly, then most likely your loved one will return.
Below is a list of signs that will indicate that your ex-boyfriend still loves you and wants to get back together. So, 12 signs:
- after several months of silence, he wrote you one or two messages;
- you broke up because of the distance between you. Perhaps you had to move to another city or leave for certain reasons. But if you really have feelings, then distance will not be a problem and you will be able to reunite;
- his relatives called you and said that the faithful misses you;
- a handwritten letter of love came from him;
- your chosen one has not removed you from friends on social networks;
- the separation passed calmly, without quarrels and mutual insults;
- it is possible that the lover had too many problems, so he needed to focus on solving them. So, most likely, he will want to return;
- he is jealous of you, so he cannot allow you to date someone else;
- mutual acquaintances and friends tell you what he remembers about you;
- your ex-boyfriend is trying to meet you by any means;
- leaves statuses on social networks that confirm that he misses you;
- your beloved gets nervous and angry when he sees you next to another representative of the stronger sex.
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Statistics
Official statistics are only known about the number of divorces. It is not known for certain how many divorced families are restored.
If we analyze everyday and everyday experience, we can say that every fifth or sixth family has been restored, and with the age of the spouses, the number of husbands returning to their families increases.
The average annual number of divorces in recent years has been 150-170 thousand. It can be assumed that about 20-30 thousand families are being restored.
In Western countries, people's morals are freer, and people are more relaxed about marriage and its dissolution. On the other hand, people tend to have better relationships after divorce. Therefore, we can assume that the statistics on the restoration of relations there are similar to those in Russia.
In traditional countries the situation is more interesting. There, family relationships are taken seriously, and divorces are rare. But if they happen, then the reasons for this are very serious. Relationships are unlikely to recover after such breakups.
A prenuptial agreement for a mortgage during marriage will help avoid problems in the event of a divorce. Feelings have faded and you are planning to file for divorce? This can be done unilaterally. Read how to do this here. Depression after divorce is common. You will learn how to get out of it by reading our article.
How to behave if your ex wants to come back?
If you still love this man and have been waiting for him to return, in this case you need to accept his apology and get back together. Talk to him about your breakup and the conclusions you have drawn from past failures so that the relationship becomes stronger and more harmonious.
But if you are sure that you no longer need to have any communication with him, then do not make contact and try not to meet him anywhere. Move on with your life. In addition, you need to know that your ex wants to get back into the relationship for a number of reasons, which include:
- he feels guilty towards you;
- wants to ask for forgiveness in order to remain friends;
- wants to give the relationship another chance;
- just wants to know how you live, without changing anything;
- he wants to know if he can manipulate you again;
- There are only failures in his life, he needs money, so he wants to make peace.
A pet knows exactly the truth: signs about animals
Dogs are loyal. They miss people they have been in contact with for a long time. If the dog often lies at the entrance and listens warily, it means he anticipates the arrival of the “prodigal” guy. On a walk, a dog can tag along with a similar gentleman. Also a sign of reunion.
The character of cats is not so simple. But they also know the longing for man. Cats talk to their owner with the following habits:
- You occupied the guy’s place on the bed - don’t expect a return. And suddenly he “moved”, for example, onto the sofa - a process began that led to unification with his former partner.
- Constantly lies down on a chair, a chair that the departed owner fell in love with. Buries himself in his clothes, accidentally left with you.
If you haven’t communicated with a man for a long time, then pet your cat. Watch. If he suddenly breaks free and runs away, he’s jealous. She knows that your loved one will appear again. It lies calmly, does not move - there is no chance.
Why does your ex want to come back?
Every man who wants to reunite with his former passion has certain goals. Psychologists identify several main reasons that encourage exes to return:
- He realizes that he made a mistake. Sometimes people make rash decisions, driven by emotions, and then regret their actions. Representatives of the stronger sex with high moral qualities most often return to ex-girlfriends. They believe that the chosen one will have a difficult time without him, and her life will become worse.
- He was tired of loneliness. Having been a bachelor, the guy notes that delicious food does not appear on the table, the house is not cleaned on its own, and shirts are not washed or ironed. Being lonely, a man is forced to solve all everyday problems on his own. If the couple shared all expenses in half, then the desire to return may be due to commercialism.
- Disappointment in other women. Some men are accustomed to seeing certain qualities in their life partner that they expect from new passions. However, not every woman wants to be a cook, mistress and cleaner all rolled into one. As a result, a person begins to suffer from a lack of attention and care. Therefore, guys often express a desire to return to their former passions.
- A sense of ownership. In such a situation, even after breaking up, they continue to monitor the lives of their exes, because they do not want to put up with the loss of power. Realizing that the girl in whom he invested his time and resources may end up in the arms of another, the man returns.
- If he quit on his own. Men rarely return to women they leave themselves. But if the girl who initiated the breakup beckons, then in almost all cases they return, despite the fact that they may have a new relationship.
- We have common children. Many women wonder whether their ex-husband will return. If they have children, then this is a common story of husbands returning to their wives. However, without feelings for a woman, children cannot always become a decisive factor in the return of a spouse to the family.
- Emotional pressure. There is a category of girls who can achieve anything they want with their tears. They begin to put moral pressure on their boyfriend, acting through his friends, relatives and acquaintances.
- He managed to compare. The young man sees some shortcomings in his chosen one, and therefore decides to break up with her. But having started a relationship with another girl, he becomes convinced that his previous passion was much better. However, this does not always mean that the relationship can end with a happy ending. If on his life's path he meets a girl who meets his ideals, he will go to her.
- Real love. It’s hard for people together, but bad for people apart. And the lovers once again quarreled and decided to separate. They start a new relationship, but at one point they break off all ties with new passions and return to their exes. This can only be explained by true love.
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True story
Whether to accept your ex-husband back after a divorce largely depends on how long it took for him to decide to return. At first, emotional instability takes him to extremes, from the desire to burn all his things to to forgive and love until the end of his days, if only this nightmare would finally end. Unfortunately, the first option is more realistic than the second. Because even upon returning, everything will not be the same as before. There are many published stories where a husband left for his mistress and then returned to the family nest. And it seems that he is the same, the same character, the same appearance, but the look, the lack of trust, the tormenting doubts inside, turned life into hell.
Here is one of the true stories told to me first hand. My friend married for love, after 5 years of dating and an unofficial romance. But they lived together for only a year, and the faithful rushed out the door. And nothing foreshadowed, the house was clean and tidy, his wife was beautiful, his things were always perfect, the food was hot and tasty. When her husband announced that he was leaving for his mistress, she was struck like lightning under a cloudless sky; she did not know how to behave, who to blame. All she knew was that she loved her madly and had no intention of letting her go.
But her friend was not going to fight hand-to-hand with her rival. I took a more evolutionary and educated path. And if I only learned about the moment of leaving from her, then we already felt the rest together. It all started with watching numerous YouTube channels about unfaithful husbands, their psychology and the rationality of their actions. To be more faithful, we watched a couple of videos about unfaithful wives. Then we went through practices on increasing self-esteem, learned the secrets of seduction and went shopping for a new wardrobe. This was the most logical and adequate thing, which only took about a month.
The husband miraculously did not show up, so the forces of the universe came into play. At this point I decided to take a break, but a friend says that she managed to clear her mind and aura, become cleaner and more enlightened. At the same time, under witchcraft rituals with chants under the moon, she cleared the house of debris and moved heavy furniture according to the forces of Qi. And either the spirits heeded her persistence, or the neighbors with pleas for the noise to stop, or it was fate, but when she tried to push a chair into the elevator to get rid of the energy frozen in it, He showed up on the threshold.
As a result, He helped her take out the chair, and at the same time come in for tea after working part-time as a loader. As a result, they got to talking, he asked for forgiveness, said that it was a momentary infatuation, that he was to blame. She did not tell me how much she had done to get him back, she simply agreed to forgive. And it just so happened that 4.5 months have passed since leaving. This is exactly the period psychologists voice when calculating how long it takes for a husband to return from his mistress. Coincidence?
Don't rush to accept your ex-boyfriend
In any case, the ex will make attempts to restore the relationship. They usually do this via SMS, calls or messages on social networks. If he calls or writes, try not to show your feelings, get offended or throw a tantrum. Since the decision was not easy for the beloved and it took him a lot of courage to contact you.
Therefore, be calm and try to communicate positively. Do not remember the past and mistakes of your loved one. You should have done this during the separation period. And if you rub his nose into his unsuccessful past again, you will only indicate to him that you do not believe in his sincere desire to make peace.
Why your ex will never come back
And although you want to believe that your ex-lover will someday return, this is not always the case. If he does something from the list, then most likely he will never return:
- the man stops any communication with you, does not call or write;
- blacklists on social networks;
- starts an affair with another woman;
- speaks poorly of you among friends and tells how you ruined his life;
- you parted hard, it’s likely that one of you cheated.
Angelic signs and clues indicating a person’s return
The guardian angel can also give a hint as to whether to wait for the return of a lover or beloved.
Our heavenly patrons cannot speak, so their clues are signs and symbols.
- You constantly come across strangers who are very similar to your ex-love. And it’s not just about external similarity. This could be the manner of speech, gait, clothing, etc.
- At home, you constantly come across objects associated with this person. Gifts, items purchased together.
- You accidentally find your ex's things.
- You constantly come across combinations of repeating numbers with 5 (15:15, 05:05, etc.).
- Losing a wallet also means that a person will come back.
ON A NOTE. If a former love is constantly in touch and meets by chance, then there is no question of any resumption of the relationship.
What does a woman need to do to get her ex back?
A young lady who has broken up with her lover and wants to return him should not provoke scandals. Psychologists recommend adhering to the following tips:
- do not write angry messages;
- do not pester your loved one with endless calls;
- do not push for pity;
- avoid discussing relationships during a chance meeting with your loved one;
- show that you are independent and positive;
- Organize a date yourself if your spouse does not offer it;
- think over your image, the main thing is that it is natural.
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Conclusion
There are several ways to find out if your loved one will come back. Of course, none of them will give a 100% guarantee.
In addition, you need to seriously think about whether you really want to get back together after what happened?
It is quite possible that fate has given you a chance to find the true love of your life and meet a person who will truly love and appreciate you.
Why men come back after a breakup - men's opinion
Initially, it all comes down to the fact that they are interested in how his former passion lives. And if there is nothing interesting in her life, then he may not appear in her life soon.
And if her personal life has improved or career growth has occurred, this arouses interest and indignation at the same time that he did not become a participant in such cardinal events in her life.
If a couple has children, then the man considers it normal to appear regularly in the life of his ex. Sometimes such appearances can cross boundaries when he expresses a desire to stay overnight or asks to borrow money. Some even consider themselves entitled to kick out their ex’s new boyfriend, citing the fact that he is the father. On a subconscious level, they try to protect their offspring from the influence of another man.
Sometimes gentlemen decide to return because he does not want to start a new relationship and pursue another woman. With the ex, everything is simple, he knows all the approaches to her. In addition, some spiritual closeness pushes men to write or call their ex-lover when difficult life situations occur.
How does a man feel after a breakup?
For women who are used to taking decisive action, it is difficult to understand why men often return after a breakup. Male psychology has certain characteristics. The guys who initiated the breakup are relieved.
Tired of endless scandals and misunderstandings, a person wants to be left alone. If there were no good reasons for the separation, the man may soon feel devastated and regret what happened.
As a rule, a man’s pride does not allow him to express emotions openly, which does not have the best effect on his nervous system. To suppress his mental suffering, a person can do the following:
- He goes on a drinking binge. Often, after a breakup, men begin to abuse alcohol. This behavior can have negative consequences. But most often, after some time, the man is forgotten and returns to his previous life.
- Immerses himself in his work. Parting with your beloved can provoke an attack of workaholism. In such a situation, a man devotes all his time to work and tries to avoid any communication with the female sex. Thanks to this, he distracts and increases his self-esteem.
- He is interested in extreme sports. He learns to fly a hang glider, conquers mountains or takes part in fights without rules. Thus, he tries to avoid depression by releasing adrenaline.
- Frequently changes sexual partners. By changing his ladies every night like gloves, he asserts himself and emphasizes his own importance.
- Starts a new romance. Most men are not ready for a new serious relationship immediately after a breakup. But the care of a new lover helps to survive the separation.
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What to do if your ex doesn't come back?
Breaking up with a loved one is not easy. But no matter what's going on between you right now, stay strong and stay positive. Whatever happens, move on with your life. You may even be grateful to him for leaving you.
Don't worry or wonder if your ex-boyfriend will come back. Better focus on your own life. Many women claim that as soon as they began to live their old lives, it was at that moment that the ex expressed a desire to return.
Now you need to focus on self-love. Don't blame yourself for your emotions, which may overwhelm you. Instead, listen to your heart. At the moment, the best idea would be to take some time for yourself, remember your hobbies, meet with friends and take care of yourself.
To get help and specific recommendations from a professional psychologist, watch this video right now. Click on the screen below:
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Reasons for leaving your mistress
This reason deserves separate consideration, since men usually do not go anywhere, they prescribe in detail the path to retreat. But will the husband be happy with his mistress? Statistics answer unequivocally - “No”. In fact, it is not difficult to take a man away from the family, but it is too early to rejoice at the homewrecker. Thus, the majority of those who left the home do not even officially break off their marriage at first, and after 4-6 months, 80% even break off the marriage altogether. So what pushes you to take a rash step:
- Polygamy. Allegedly, you can’t go against genetics; men tend to cheat and look for variety. It’s strange, everyone agrees with this, but women continue to be blamed for seeking the strong and rich, capable of protecting and providing for offspring.
- Hunter's instinct. Another theory, a tribute to tradition. Allegedly, the male needs to conquer, look for an unapproachable victim, and the wife is already at home “a read book.”
- Suppression. How does a husband feel when he leaves the family? Freedom, emancipation, lack of control and reporting. Career women often become the head of the family, giving their husband the role of housewife or lover. The male Ego diligently breaks out of the female shadow, and sometimes arranges an escape. True, usually not for long.
- Routine. Monotony in bed and in life can torment both. The wife usually seeks salvation in the upbringing and development of children, arranging for them a whirlpool of clubs, parks, sections and circles, and the husband arranges a holiday for himself with a younger, freer and more cheerful one.
- Sexual lull. Another unofficial term. When a friendly truce comes between the spouses, including cheerful conversations, dinners together and falling asleep in the same bed. But it's more like teenage friendship at camp. When a man doesn’t ask for sex, but his wife is happy about it, it means he has somewhere to drain his testosterone. True, usually such a family does not break up, and when the spouses establish a connection, the mistress is simply cut off.