The objective maturation of our body also affects our psychological well-being. But age-related crises are not only suffering and danger, but also an excellent opportunity for an “upgrade.”
Many people probably know the curious fact that the word “crisis” is translated ambiguously from Chinese. It consists of two hieroglyphs - one is translated as “danger”, and the other is “opportunity”.
Any crisis, be it on a national or personal level, is a kind of new start, a staging area where we can stand, think and set new goals for ourselves, analyze everything we can do and everything we want to learn.
Sometimes this happens consciously, sometimes unconsciously. Crises are not always very precisely tied to a specific age; for some, they occur earlier or later by six months to a year and occur in varying degrees of intensity. But in any case, it is important to understand the reasons for their occurrence and typical scenarios in order to survive them with minimal losses and maximum benefit for yourself and your loved ones.
Childhood - problems and guidelines
In children, crises are also associated with certain changes in their worldview, the acquisition of new skills, and knowledge of the world around them. Lev Vygotsky [1], a Soviet psychologist and founder of the cultural-historical school in psychology, called the most popular age-related crises in childhood:
- neonatal crisis – separates the embryonic period of development from infancy;
- 1 year crisis – separates infancy from early childhood;
- 3 year crisis – transition to preschool age;
- the 7-year-old crisis is the connecting link between preschool and school age;
- teenage crisis (13 years old).
It turns out that a little person, having just been born, is already going through a crisis. But regarding further crises in children, the opinions of psychologists differ. Thus, A. Leontyev argues that “In reality, crises are by no means inevitable companions of a child’s mental development. […] There may not be a crisis at all, because the child’s mental development is not spontaneous, but a reasonably controlled process—controlled by upbringing” [2].
Crisis periods in children are more age-related than in adults, as they are associated with the development of cognitive abilities and individual character traits.
In children under 7 years of age, crises are associated primarily with the desire for independence associated with the development of cognitive needs, and the accompanying prohibitions of adults.
But at the age of approximately 7.5-8.5 years, the child develops a so-called sense of psychological autonomy (later, student-aged youth often experience something similar). The most difficult thing for parents is to determine the necessary degree of independence for children during these age-related crises. Gross violations of a child’s personal boundaries, severe restrictions on his attempts to understand the world and make independent decisions, as a rule, have sad consequences in adult life .
According to psychologists, such children, as a rule, grow up to be very indecisive, uninitiative and shy people who turn out to be uncompetitive in the labor market and unadapted to adult life, and also avoid responsibility for their actions. Therefore, the main advice is to find compromises with the child, develop the ability to negotiate, justify prohibitions, and most importantly, show respect and attention to children, their desires and choices.
Why are moments of crisis needed?
As we already know, it is by no means impossible to live life without problematic periods. But we shouldn’t treat them so harshly; we should understand that we need them. There is no need to exclaim at every occasion, “Lord, why do I need this!” If a crisis occurs, it means there is something for it.
We flatter ourselves and believe that we are soft and fluffy, and all around us are adventurers, aggressors, greedy people, spiteful people, slanderers, etc. We should accept all problems as punishment, and as a lesson, thanks to which we will no longer step on such “rake”. In order to understand what has been said, we need to study our crises as if from the outside.
Teenagers - transition to adulthood
The first more or less “adult” crisis is considered to be the teenage one. Erik Erikson, the author of the ego theory of personality, calls the age of 12-18 years the most vulnerable to stressful situations and the occurrence of crisis conditions [3]. Boys and girls are faced with a choice - profession, identification of themselves in some social group.
A typical example from history is various informal movements (hippies, punks, goths and many others), the fashion for which changes periodically, but some part remains constant, or interest groups (various sports, music).
The teenage crisis is a period accompanied by excessive care and control on the part of parents. And also prohibitions, quarrels arising from attempts to circumvent them, and much more. All this prevents the child from getting to know himself and identifying the characteristics that are unique to him - as an individual.
During this period, the risk of drug and alcohol consumption increases - for teenagers this is not only a way to become “one of the people” in the company, but also to relieve constant emotional stress. After all, due to hormonal “swings” and other physiological changes in the body, young people constantly experience overwhelming emotions when their mood changes a hundred times a day.
It is during this period that thoughts about the future also come, which expose boys and girls to additional stress. Who do I want to become and what do I want to do as an adult? How to find your place in the sun? The school system, unfortunately, does not really help to find answers to these questions, but only aggravates the crisis of choice, since it sets certain deadlines for the process.
Among foreign experiences, the examples of teenagers in South Korea and the USA are interesting. True, in the first country they are rather unoptimistic. There it is believed that only graduates of just a few of the most prestigious universities have good job prospects. Therefore, it is quite common for teenagers to drive themselves to exhaustion and nervous breakdowns (and often to suicide) due to the upcoming graduation and preparation for courses. This problem forced doctors to sound the alarm and raise the issue at the state level.
But among American teenagers and their parents, a more sensible approach is common - at this age it is normal not to know what exactly you want. That’s why many teenagers, after graduating from school, take a year off to think (the so-called gap year) - to travel, work, gain new experience and make the right decision for themselves without outside pressure.
In the post-Soviet space, there are still frequent cases when parents themselves determine which university and what specialty their child will enroll in.
The outcome is not difficult to predict - the imposed profession may not be the one the applicant dreamed of. There may be a lot of further scenarios, but for a teenager, most of them will not help him spend his student years profitably and gain self-determination.
In the United States, they have compiled a list of the most popular crisis reasons why teenagers drop out of school: alcohol and drug addiction, pregnancy, loss of interest in school, financial difficulties, bullying by peers, sexual harassment, mental disorders, problems/cruelty in the family.
A teenager's acceptance of his appearance is also associated with a crisis of self-identification. For girls, this moment can become especially acute - comparing oneself with idols, models from glossy magazines is depressing and can cause eating disorders. Unfortunately, the most common patients in specialized departments for anorexics are young girls.
That’s why it’s so important for a teenager to feel the support of his family, which is ready to accept his choice, when he’s growing up. Just as in childhood, it is not recommended to harshly cut off a child’s desire for independence. The main advice from psychologists to parents comes down to one simple maxim - remember yourself when you were a teenager, your dreams and aspirations, conflicts with adults, and put yourself in the place of a child.
By the way, the teenage crisis still stands on the line between children's crises, which are more or less regulated by age, and adults, who are tied not to a certain time, but to the process of choice.
Childhood crises mean the collapse of a system that previously existed in the child’s mind, and adults imply the independent construction of this very system by a certain individual. The first serious choice for a teenager (university, profession) is the very symbol of the transition to adulthood.
Basic Paradigm Shift
Thomas Kuhn's term “basic paradigm shift” is now widely used in science. Many are sure that it defines the times in which we live. “Paradigm” is a word of Greek origin and translated means “example, sample or model.”
Thomas Kuhn himself introduced this term to describe the structure of scientific revolutions, but very soon they began to describe any revolutionary changes in consciousness, in particular a change in basic ideas about life.
Today we are witnessing just such a process - first in the field of natural sciences, and then in the most fundamental ideas about the nature of reality. I like to call this the transition from the ego world paradigm to a holistic, spiritual worldview - the soul paradigm.
The structure of a person’s inner world can be graphically represented as a hierarchy of levels of the mind, but each person perceives his inner world differently depending on his worldview.
Although everyone's worldview is unique in many ways, two types of worldviews can be distinguished - spiritual and materialistic. The differences between these types are so dramatic that they should be considered two different paradigms of life. I call them the soul paradigm and the ego paradigm.
In the ego model, deprived of connection with the basis - the Higher Self, security must be achieved solely through personal efforts, and therefore is identical to predictability and the possibility of as complete control as possible.
If there is no predictability and control is impossible, the ego perceives this state as a danger to life. Therefore, falling into a state of devastation during a crisis, the ego, tuned to fight, looks for ways to overcome this state. This, of course, increases stress, and stress increases tension, devastation and fear.
Thus, a person, living in the ego paradigm, and therefore identifying himself with it, regularly falls into the funnel of stress with all the ensuing consequences.
“A quarter of a century” and new questions
Scientists attribute the next age crisis to the age period of approximately 20-25 (according to other classifications - 30) years. The already mentioned Erich Erikson [3] calls it “early maturity”, since at this time young people are already beginning to think about further fateful decisions in their lives - building a career, starting a family, and also summing up their first results.
The main issues remain the same questions of self-determination, self-actualization; the need for self-esteem arises. The famous American psychologist, founder of humanistic psychology, Abraham Maslow, considered the movement towards self-actualization to be the key to psychological health [4].
In general, he described self-actualization both as a process of personal growth and development, and as a method of this growth, and as a result of this growth. He considered the latter a privilege for people of mature age, but the psychologist attributed the start of the process itself to a young age.
The crisis of 30 years today has “crept” to an earlier age, but the current generation of 30-year-olds has been dubbed the “Peter Pan generation” for their reluctance to grow up, while 25-year-olds are experiencing a crisis of self-actualization to the fullest.
The search for oneself during this period is inevitable without comparisons with others - be it the person’s environment, or the heroes of favorite films and TV series of the same age. But here the temptation arises - to find a role model, or, on the contrary, to deny all generally accepted norms. In both cases, there cannot be a constructive solution, because sooner or later you will have to make your own choice, and the later, the greater the likelihood that the crisis will drag on.
The quarter-century mark in today's realities has shifted the problems of former 30-year-olds in their direction. Many life values and opportunities have undergone significant changes over the past 15-20 years.
Until the age of 25, young people manage to work several jobs, because the tradition of not changing employers has been forgotten for decades (except, for example, the Japanese model of society). But at the same time they remain lost - what would they still like to stop at? In this case, making lists and setting priorities can help - in life in general and in its individual areas . This way it will be easier to set specific goals and decide on the steps towards their implementation. This will be the most important step on the path to self-actualization.
In addition, during this period, the feeling of loneliness, existential vacuum and social isolation, which are associated with the above-described problems of self-actualization and self-determination, often intensifies. The main advice that psychologists give to 25-year-olds is don’t compare yourself to others.
In this aspect, you will have to comprehend Zen, because in the era of social networks, where everyone posts only the best side of their lives, such a skill can be considered a superpower. The most important thing is to understand and highlight what is necessary and interesting to you, and not imposed by your environment, friends, and family. This will help organize your thoughts and determine your future direction of movement - from reconsidering your hobbies and habits to conquering the career ladder.
A quarter-life crisis is most often a reassessment of values and summing up the first results, which do not lead to clinical depression, but are a platform for new starts and endeavors.
Devastation or healing emptiness?
If we use a geometric metaphor, then a person’s life path bears little resemblance to a straight line. Rather, it can be compared to a series of sharp jumps separated by smooth plateaus. We usually perceive periods of such surges as crises, because the plateau, that is, stability, is the main thing that gives our ego a sense of security, predictability and the ability to control the course of events. And in such periods this is impossible.
Nevertheless, crises are inevitable and even necessary, since man is a developing being. And any development does not happen smoothly, but in leaps and bounds: if you have mastered the current level, move on to the next one. At each level, everything is new: new requirements and new tasks. And although the skills are there, they are old, from the previous level. Therefore, at first the feeling is that everything is in chaos.
During such periods, a person’s mind, being unable to fit what is happening into any familiar pattern, most often first gives way to violent emotions, and then simply switches off: the past feels like a burnt-out field, one doesn’t want anything, life seems to have lost its meaning and direction, and one’s own state most often defined as devastation. The condition is neither bad nor good, rather none. Emotions and thoughts remained in memories. Emptiness.
How to deal with this condition?
If you help a person feel the support of the Higher Self and the possibility of relying on it, thereby expanding the idea of \u200b\u200bhimself, then the vicious circle is broken. Stress gradually decreases, and the opportunity arises to perceive the unknown not with fear, but as a source of opportunity. Then the crisis is positively resolved by a transition to a state of co-creation.
This can be done using certain methods, which can generally be described as meditation on space.
In the ego paradigm that dominated for millennia, man identified himself with the body, which was felt not as a living being, but as a mechanism (hence the mechanistic approach of medicine to its treatment), while the conscious mind was concentrated mainly in the head. Space was perceived as an objective given, a living environment.
However, in reality, only 5% of a person's resources are available to the conscious mind, and it is not limited to it. Most of the mind belongs to the sphere of the subconscious and is not realized directly, but through emotions and sensations of the body (that is, we are not aware of it, but we feel it, sense it).
But there is an even larger mind, a superconscious one, and it manifests itself precisely through space. Therefore, it is often called Cosmic or Supreme.
The conscious mind of the ego is closed within itself, therefore it experiences life situations, perceiving them as “what happened”, and does not have the opportunity to realize their educational meaning (which is sometimes even denied by the mind). The mind compensates for this by creating meaning artificially, based on conscious goals (getting a position, title, achieving wealth and status, etc.). When the illusions dissipate and it is discovered that these meanings were illusory, as in the “depression of achievement” mentioned above, then devastation sets in. The ego-mind remains without purpose and meaning of existence.
Coming into awareness of the body - we will learn how to do this in the process of performing the exercise given at the end of the article - opens access to the subconscious, which makes it possible to process emotions and sensations. But to an even greater extent, access to true meanings opens through the expansion of awareness into space.
From a neuroscience perspective, awareness of space allows the brain to switch from beta waves, characteristic of conscious activity, and even high-frequency beta waves, characteristic of stress, to alpha waves, corresponding to a state of relaxation, and even theta waves, corresponding to deep immersion. inner world. Therefore, for thousands of years, meditation and prayer have served as the main means of comprehending higher meanings and reuniting with the Higher Self, with the soul.
It is clear that it is impossible to cover such a broad topic in one article. I'll just illustrate how this works using an example from a session with a talented woman.
What is the meaning of life without crisis.
Apparently this is the meaning of life. The reason we came to this Earth. Gaining experience. And this will continue until you grow wiser. Is the intelligence of the entity being formed? I can imagine how stupid we are for coming here. Our Souls are probably 5 years old, by earthly standards.
What conclusion can be drawn from all this knowledge about the crisis in life. If a person is prepared and basically understands what it is and why it is given. It will be much easier for him to find a way out of any life situation. There is no need to despair. You just need to think and compare. And then choose a way out of the crisis in life.
For example, your wife (husband), whom you love very much, cheated on you. You couldn’t even think that this would happen to you. Then divorce. And here you are alone. Broken, humiliated, insulted. This is the cruelest blow. At this stage, the lives of many people are ruined.
- You can go on a drinking binge, lose your job, status, money, health. Which will lead you to stage 4.
- You will be able to persuade your wife to stay and save the family.
- But there is another option. If you understand that this is just a test and you can overcome it.
The role of crises in the life of any person - how to avoid repetition.
A new meaning appears in life. He is reaching a new level of development. The crisis completely changes his life. It becomes more interesting, richer. Maybe this is precisely why God gives us trials in the form of these life trials? The strong become even stronger. The weak perish.
Remember how your crisis situations went. What stage were you at? How did you get out of them? After which you will find out what level you are at now.
- You broke, but you didn't die. You live by inertia. The taste and joy of life are lost.
- You found a way out of your crisis in life, but came out with losses and deep psychological and emotional wounds. Life has lost its colors.
- The right solution was nevertheless found and you are at a new level of life and development.
If you are at stages 1 and 2, expect new crises. You failed the test. New ones will be assigned to you. They will not be stronger than before. Perhaps the same, or weaker. But not stronger for sure. This will be repeated until you find the right solution and reach a new level of development and life.
