How to be offended by a man correctly: behavioral characteristics

We continue the theme of the last article “For a man to want to move mountains for you!” And even cook dinner"

about an effective model of behavior that makes your beloved man want to take care of you and do what YOU need.

And today we will figure out how to properly be offended by a man, so as not to ruin your relationship with him, and not push him away from you.

“When should you be offended?
Your latest article “For a man to want to move mountains for you!” And even cook dinner” helped me a lot. But! But having achieved my plan, I immediately ruined everything. When should you stop with grievances and claims? When should you forgive? And is it worth being angry at all?
The story is this: I told my man (the relationship was only 2 months old) that on March 8 I want flowers, a hotel and him for the whole night. The problem is that the car is not his, as I understand it, and his mother always calls him at 11 o’clock in the evening. In the end, I received - NOTHING. Only congratulations in the form of SMS. As it turned out, he was not given a car that day and he could not come. But he asked me to allow him to rectify the situation - to come and congratulate me three days later. To which I replied that I didn’t want to see him now, and that I was offended.
This is where I probably stepped - for me, being offended was more important than forgiving and enjoying the meeting. When should you stop taking offense? This is the first turn in life, in my opinion, when everything could be corrected and the situation turned positive. But I chose to be offended.
Secondly, after reading your article about proper manipulation, I simply wrote to him that I really want a bathroom with strong male hands now :)) Things started to get better - “with whose hands exactly, dear?” After three questions, I admitted that I wanted his hand :). Bottom line: he wondered where there are hotels with a beautiful bathroom? I didn’t know, so I instructed him to find... And then I ruined everything by writing that I would meet him in the evening only when I had a bathroom, a hotel and him :), and if all this doesn’t happen, then I just want to meet him, talk... Then she added that I’m on my period.
Why am I so stupid?! In the end, it happened: first, thanks to your recommendations, I managed to create a situation where he himself wanted to please me; and then I set a condition - if you don’t do this, I won’t meet with you.
How to learn to stop on time? Value yourself, perhaps, and not look like a capricious woman who blows her mind?”
Olesya.

Olesya, let's study the method of training men in more detail (by the way, this method also works great for women, as well as for children, fathers-in-law, dogs and others :)).

So, you write that you want a gift from a man. First, you need, as I have said many times, to take into account all the REAL capabilities of a man

(unfortunately, you didn’t know about them). As a result, he was unable to give you a gift, although he promised and intended to.

This always happens, and even happens in long-term family relationships, because we cannot take into account all the current nuances. For example, a wife asked her husband to go to the Maldives, but he could not get tickets - for a variety of unforeseen reasons. Either she asked him to renovate the bathroom, but he was not given leave, or a bonus, or, for objective reasons, he was not yet able to do something, buy, negotiate...

Often after this women behave like fools, i.e. they get offended and spoil the whole positive charge of a man.

Let's look at this using the example of the chicken from the previous article.

So, we give the chicken a grain as it turns left (so that in perspective it will start circling to the left). You fed him grains, and he began to figure out where to turn. And now you expect him to turn left completely. But he doesn’t turn and doesn’t turn, well, at least crack. Well, he can’t do it. What do you do?

You get offended , turn away from the chicken, and wait for it to figure it out on its own - and start spinning to where you want it. But the chicken doesn't spin! (he’s not a telepath or clairvoyant enough to figure out what you want from him...)

And then what do you start doing? You swear at the chicken.

What do we get in the end? The chicken is confused, you are angry with it, you don’t praise it, you don’t give it grains... You yourself don’t get what you need from it - and everyone is a loser...

But they don’t train the same way! This does not work! And it will never work!

Let's look at Olesya's situation:

She became friends with the man and began to like him. She trained him with the help of her sweet behavior, praise, admiration for him, etc. And now this man began, just like our chicken, to do what she needed - to look after her and behave like her fiancé.

Next, Olesya decided to get it from the chicken, i.e. from her boyfriend, not just a turn, but a full circle to the left - she asked him for a gift, lured him with praise and the promise of something more - and began to wait.

But the man didn’t succeed for objective reasons. What then should Olesya do?

She needed to continue training further.

But she lost her temper, got offended (which, as we know, doesn’t work), and began to get angry and swear. Then she decided to continue training, and again fed the chicken grain, i.e. your man with affection, request and promise of pleasure.

There would be no need to sit and wait now. But she needs everything at once! So she took the unfortunate chicken and began to move it to the left, saying: “Look what I want from you!”

But the poor guy doesn’t understand this! And he won’t understand! He simply decided that he was being bullied, and therefore became confused, and generally stopped doing what was required of him. Falling into confusion, the trainee forgets even what he did before; even a small turn to the left has now become impossible for him. Why?

Because he was literally raped, and he lost the desire to obey the trainer at all. It’s the same with a man: when PRESSURE is put on him, he loses the desire to do anything at all for a woman.

What Olesya saw with her own eyes.

List of things to be offended about

There are reasons that serve as valid reasons for resentment. There are not many of them, so it’s not difficult to remember all the points:

The guy didn't keep his word. A stranger who owes nothing, but not a loved one, can promise but not fulfill.
Physical impact. The use of fists serves not only as a reason for resentment, but also as a motive for separation.
Insults, humiliation. Hurtful words sometimes hurt more than physical impact, so it is unacceptable to allow such behavior towards yourself from a loved one.
Manipulation. Holding grudges often serves as an interesting way of responding to attempts to exploit and emotionally suppress. However, there is one piece of advice: if a girl is dealing with a real abuser, then she should think not about resentment, but about breaking up.

READ What should a guy do if the girl he loves doesn’t want to communicate with him

Be true to your word

I warned you - do it! We discussed all the points, but he again violated the terms - hold your position. This time your man will definitely take you seriously. Otherwise, your grievances will become a habit, and he will not respond to “ultimatums” at all.

However, don’t forget about the promised bonuses. If a man listened and heard, and also did everything that was required of him, encourage him. This will encourage him to compromise more often.

Using these techniques, you can profitably get out of any unpleasant and offensive situation.

What you shouldn't be upset about

An offended person is not always right, especially if this is an emotional girl. Psychology admits that it is acceptable to show emotions in this way, but this does not mean that a woman has the right to use the technique all the time. There is a list of reasons that should not become justification:

unjustified expectations - the problem has nothing to do with the young man, it’s worth sorting out your thoughts;
misunderstanding of the hint - writing a message about beautiful weather and expecting an invitation to a romantic date in return is stupid, since the young man does not read minds;
everyday life - if you’re tired of sitting within four walls, find something to do and don’t make complaints to your partner;
desire to re-educate - constant dissatisfaction will lead to male indifference, and not to the expected result.

There are also minor reasons that girls come up with on their own. For example, an unfulfilled requirement to be home in 5 minutes without taking into account the distance. Such behavior will only cause irritation.

Take a time out

You feel burning resentment and even rage, tears are already treacherously coming to your eyes, you want to cry and succumb to a storm of emotions that will most likely spill out on your loved one in the form of hurtful words and insults.
Stop! The first thing you need to do is take a time out. Literally step away for a few minutes, go to another room if it’s hard to restrain yourself while being next to your lover. You can always pick up more counterarguments and soberly justify your own point of view if you communicate without being at the mercy of emotions!

How to behave correctly during an insult

To manipulate correctly, you need to conduct a competent dialogue. Hints, gestures and facial expressions are useful for flirting, but not for expressing clear demands on your partner. A man’s status greatly influences his line of behavior—you need to be offended by your lover and your husband in different ways.

If it's the husband

An officially registered marriage sometimes gives a woman a free hand, turning her into a touchy and arrogant person. This should not be allowed, but you need to agree with your husband on regulating the relationship:

READ Behavior after a quarrel: what to do to make your girlfriend forgive you

Start with yourself. Consider the situation from your partner's perspective and determine how obvious the reasons were. It seems that everything is clear, but it is more difficult for a man to recognize the reasons for the offense, since he only perceives direct text.
Think through your speech. The main thing is to show that the wife is able to respect her husband. If you do not take this into account, then you will have to apologize for your rash words. Everyday life and a common home, fatigue and routine can have a negative impact, but insults should not be allowed.
Talk about feelings. The wife is perceived by the husband as a familiar object, romantic feelings for whom are left behind. Remind me that this is wrong. Tell your spouse that the resentment arose because of your indifference towards him.
Learn to start a dialogue. A married man loses the desire to speak first. If he sees that his wife is unhappy with something, he will not be interested in the reasons for her bad mood, so he will have to act on his own.

Not every man knows how to apologize. The wife should know such disadvantages of her husband’s character and not hope for changes for the better. Even small gestures that hint at repentance should be accepted with gratitude.

If we're talking about a guy

The situation when a girl is offended by her boyfriend is normal, especially if she is young. Since she has not yet gained experience in interpersonal communication, the following behavior model is allowed:

A demonstration of feelings when another gesture shown towards the chosen one is perceived negatively by her. This period does not last long, especially if the couple started dating recently. Usually the young man quickly realizes that he has done something wrong.
Posturing. A time when a young man diligently tries to find out the reasons for such behavior, but receives an arrogant look. At the age of 20-22 years, such a reaction is predictable and normal.

Talk. A dialogue in a couple must take place; the girl usually begins it in response to another attempt to reconcile. She carefully explains what she feels and why she had this reaction. Usually the reason is frivolous, based on personal fears and excess of feelings.
Reconciliation. As a pleasant surprise, the young man can organize a date by choosing a place that is significant for both.

In couples who have not moved on to cohabitation, many things can offend, especially at the grinding-in stage. You can be offended by a nice guy for forgetting to write or congratulate him on his anniversary, as this is perceived as a loss of interest in the girl. The absence of an SMS about coming home can be offensive, as it instills fear of betrayal. You should not focus on this with the help of resentment; it is enough to speak directly about your thoughts. This will save both of your nerves, and the girl will create a pleasant impression of herself.

If it's a lover

The lover perceives his partner as a temporary outlet that allows him to get the emotions that he lacks in marriage. Relationships are often started out of boredom and are perceived as something easy and not requiring constant attention. If the mistress has a desire to show dissatisfaction, but separation is not included in the plans, resentment is demonstrated as follows:

A hint of dissatisfaction that looks like part of flirting. The classic gestures of this stage will be pouting lips and a slightly wrinkled forehead. Show your partner that you are not ready to smile in such a serious situation.
Slight distance. Refer to illness or busyness by canceling the meeting. It is important that the man begins to get bored.
Make them call and worry. You need to organize everything in a game format so that it brings ease, but makes it clear that the woman is dissatisfied.
The long-awaited meeting and conversation. After a long silence, the man finally receives consent to the meeting. In it, the girl shows that she continues to be angry. Under the pressure of a captivating gaze, the lover admits that the blame lies entirely with him, after which the couple makes peace.

This is a generally accepted scheme; it is necessary to take into account the character and temperament of the lover in order to correctly draw up a plan. Sometimes a man refuses to understand that his partner may also have feelings on the side. In this case, this type of manipulation is not only useless, but also dangerous, since it can destroy the relationship forever.

Clearly define the problem

Before starting a dialogue, it is necessary to clearly determine what outcome is needed. “So as not to be late, don’t forget to call back” - the more precisely the problem is identified, the more constructive the dialogue will be. And more than 50% of claims will disappear on their own.

Often a man is not even aware that he has offended his beloved woman. The way male psychology is structured is that they are much more willing to accept direct speech. And from beating around the bush, they get tired before you have time to get to the point, and they simply stop hearing, considering the dialogue pointless. Be on his wavelength - talk directly about what worries and offends you, and how he could fix it.

The nature of the feeling of resentment. How to cope?

How not to go too far

If a girl is offended by a man, she is prone to exaggerating her emotions. To prevent conflict from leading to separation, you cannot act as follows:

Keep quiet about the reasons. You can be offended productively, and if a young man cannot guess, suggest, say directly. Otherwise, either he will get tired of thinking for the woman, or she will lose patience and get angrier.
Hold the defense. Men rarely admit to mistakes, especially out loud. After confessing, it’s better to think about how much weight the reason has. It will not be possible to get him to start respecting a woman if this was not observed before the quarrel. Either prepare for reconciliation, or break up if it is impossible to forget about the reason.
Forget about the root causes. You can be offended by your husband for at least half your life, but the problem lies not in the fact itself, but in inducing him to action. The woman forgets about this, feeling sorry for herself for being deprived of the attention of her other half.
Be silent. To teach your partner a lesson, you cannot remain silent during an offense. This will not lead to results and will not give a chance to understand the reason. Some men are enraged by this behavior, forcing them to show aggression.
Forget about feelings. Girls can be cruel. To give the guy a sense of strength of character, they talk about breaking up due to lack of feelings. This may be true, but more often the argument is used to inflict mental distress. This cannot be done, as mental wounds may not heal.

A girl can be offended in different ways, so it is important to find out the reason for such a manifestation of emotions. The desire to retrain and train a partner cannot always be achieved through manipulation, so you need to think several times before choosing such a technique. If a girl goes too far, she risks being left alone.

Emotions are a dish that should be served cold

Resentment deprives you of peace and prevents you from thinking rationally. No matter how difficult it is, there should not be hysterics - the mechanism of retaliatory aggression will work instantly, and the situation will leave much to be desired.

No matter how illogical it may sound, you must first come to terms with it, and only then be offended. Sanity is an additional argument in your favor. In this case, the man is guaranteed to feel guilty, and he will definitely pay attention to the claims made.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting everything

What do you want?

Before you start sorting things out, think carefully about what you want to achieve in this way?
Admitting that you are right? His promises that he would not do this again? Or maybe you just have PMS or a bad mood right now, so you really want to argue? If there is no clear reason, and you understand that you want to get rid of the accumulated negativity, then it is better not to make your loved one a “scapegoat”. Let go of a minor situation, rather than making a scandal out of it by breaking dishes.