Family life is not an easy thing, sometimes it is not enough to satisfy your life needs, so you have to take a mistress. This may be condemned in society, but what can they know about mental wounds and lack of attention? Sometimes it happens that even the object of desire “on the side” leaves, leaving even more questions. How to get your lover back? How to return this muse of love? About this in our article.
“Well, why did she leave?”
When a man takes a mistress, he is almost one hundred percent sure that she will not escape from him. But he dismisses the fact that she is also a person and is capable of feeling and love. It is this fact that leads to bewilderment - how could she leave me? I did everything I could for her: fur coats, jewelry, restaurants, sex. “She simply has no right to leave me!” - this is what most self-confident men with Napoleon syndrome think. And she may well cut off everything connected with you, because she is a girl, not a thing.
It's likely that she might be tired of your company, or your arrogant attitude, or even being in the background. Anything is possible, but how to return what has already been lost?
According to some studies, only about 21% of women are ready to be in the “background”, playing the role of a mistress. This suggests that the weaker sex really loves attention to itself, or rather, the total capture of your attention. And it doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you had – whether it was a mistress from your wife, a girlfriend, your kept woman, or just a person with whom you periodically communicated when your wife got tired of you. Women are different from men by nature, and they need a lot more attention than the stronger sex thinks.
Mistakes that are important to avoid
The main mistake of an abandoned woman is hysteria and attempts to return what is gone irrevocably.
Washing down pain is a dangerous choice. It is appropriate to drink a couple of glasses of wine alone or with a close friend; this will help you relax a little or fall asleep faster. But getting drunk to the point of unconsciousness is not an option, it will only lead to a terrible hangover and can push you to commit crazy acts, which the girl will certainly regret later. You shouldn't start smoking suddenly either.
An abundance of delicious food does not always help. Nobody says that you can’t treat yourself to a delicious cake or a small pizza to take your mind off the problem for a little while. But there is a risk that one cake will be followed by a dozen more. You need to know moderation in everything, otherwise the pain will not go away, but extra pounds will be added to it. The optimal solution would be a combination of food and gym. This way you’ll be able to please yourself and maintain your figure, at least when you meet your ex you won’t be ashamed.
Even if your lover left you, you shouldn’t despair, because life goes on. Perhaps the period of reassessment of values has come, the opportunity has arisen to change something that you could not decide on. The main thing is to control yourself and see the positives in everything.
Why do mistresses still exist?
Human psychology is designed in such a way that people cannot be content with little. It is unlikely that this is read by monks and ascetics who are accustomed to living on water and bread, while everyone else has the concept of “more and more of everything.” Yes, we do not live in the 14th century, when it was shameful to be a wench at the age of 17, and if a young man had not yet decided on his chosen one before he was 20, he was considered unlucky.
But even now these ossified concepts of morality and morality make themselves felt, and refer us to Noah’s Ark with the phrase “There are two for every creature.” But a person can be polygamous by nature and is not used to being content with little, especially as regards men.
Research has shown that more than 80% of men have had more than one sexual partner, which means that their number could grow exponentially. Some are stopped by starting a family, some are not, but the position of the mistresses themselves is more interesting here. They know that they are not in the foreground, they know that they play the role of a kind of “outlet,” but they still maintain a relationship with such a man. And there are three reasons: strong love, material gain and personal revenge.
If everything is clear with the first two by name, then the third is worth explaining. Vendetta can be committed against one’s own man, the woman’s “lover,” and even fate itself for some kind of grievance. Through such immoral behavior, from the point of view of society, mistresses take their revenge.
Some ideas for revenge
The best way to take revenge on a man would be your own happiness, demonstrating your good life without him. But if you want to take radical revenge, for example, if your married lover rudely abandoned you, you can stoop to low methods. After all, until a woman achieves justice, she will not calm down. You need to act brazenly, even rudely, but without crossing the line of law and common sense.
Dirty tricks may be used, such as damaging his property and plans (painting a car, infecting a computer with a virus, withdrawing money from a virtual account). If you still have some ridiculous photos of your ex, they can be sent to his work colleagues, thereby tarnishing his business reputation.
A surefire way to get revenge is to make friends with his wife or new girlfriend. Then the man will simply be crushed morally and fall into confusion, not knowing how to behave.
We begin the return of the lost3
First, you should realize that, after all, a mistress is not a thing, not a consolation for your problems and worries, but a living person. This may seem funny, but most men don't even think about it. According to statistics, only 40 out of 1000 women are ready to return to the men with whom they were mistresses. The most important thing will be to understand yourself - what you want from life and specifically from this person. If your goal is to walk, feed, drink and sleep, you are not on the right track.
If you call her by pronouns, you also took a wrong turn. If you read this text and found yourself in it, below are step-by-step instructions on how to get your lover back.
Is it possible to avoid betrayal?
To rule out adultery, give your spouse:
- a varied sex life - don’t be afraid to experiment in bed;
- a stable life with its own foundations;
- aesthetic pleasure - visit the beauty salon and gym more often, do not forget to put on makeup before dinner together;
- do not give reasonable reasons for jealousy.
With such a life partner, a faithful person will not want to turn to the left.
Bored with the supporting role6
If your relationship falls under the first option, namely that your lover is tired of being a supporting character, you can resort to easy lies. Call her to dinner, organize a romantic party and promise that you will improve and pay more attention than before. The situation is standard, but you need to know a few subtleties and secret weapons.
Well, firstly, it will be very difficult to convince her. So you should prepare more than one weighty argument. Tell her how wonderful she is and what a fool you were for letting yourself end this relationship. Then you can put a little pressure on pity, saying that life became gray and boring when she left it. Use more epithets and colorful words to re-interest your lover.
In the end, you can add that you are connected with your wife only by children (if you have any) and in general you are constantly looking for a reason to leave her. If you really need attention from this girl, get ready to use all your eloquence. Such ladies of “fine mental organization” are very fond of promises and willingly believe in them.
Finally, we can add that you are only connected with your wife by children (if you have any) and in general you are constantly looking for a reason to leave her. If you really need attention from this girl, get ready to use all your eloquence. Such ladies of “fine mental organization” are very fond of promises and willingly believe in them.
Married man and free woman: psychology of relationships
As a rule, a husband begins to look to the left for three reasons:
- sexual dissatisfaction;
- frequent quarrels with my wife;
- an early marriage that turned out to be unsuccessful.
The new woman seems like a salvation from these troubles to the unhappy spouse. The lady, who also receives financial support from her married boyfriend, is ready to satisfy his mental and sexual needs.
“We need more gold”7
If you are unlucky enough to fall into the description of the second scenario, you will have to either look for a second job or bring less money to the family. Such women can leave you without a penny for your soul, they will stretch everything to the last drop and still remain dissatisfied. However, if you have something to appreciate this lady for, it’s difficult to judge you. Here the “treatment” is quite simple - a huge bouquet of roses, a bunch of gifts, and maybe even a trip abroad and she will be yours again. The only subtlety is not to overdo it. When you shower her with gifts, you set the bar for the future "new old" relationship. Do everything wisely - slightly increase your stinginess indicator before breaking up, but don’t raise it too high.
If we simulate the situation, the wrong option would be this: she left you because you asked a couple of times to split the bill at a restaurant in half, and when you wanted to return her, you registered this restaurant in her name. This is exaggerated, but clearly reflects the problem - your mistress will want the same gifts in the future, but you already ran out of money when you bought the bar counter.
If you act wisely, it will look like this: the problem is the same bill paid in half, the solution is to invite her to “discuss the past” in a restaurant, pre-order a huge table with her favorite treats. It would also not be amiss to take your mistress from the restaurant to another establishment - for example, a club or straight to a hotel room, if “the bird is already in the cage.” Such a demonstration of the width of the wallet is then easier to jump off, especially if the subject did not graduate from Harvard, and initially does not set a high bar, like various kinds of gifts. The best choice is something abstract and, preferably, not something that can be measured in pieces.
Rules of conduct after a breakup
Breaking up is not a reason to become despondent, feel sorry for yourself and give up. Don't put off your life for later. Take the last “Goodbye” as a burning ticket to a bright future. Move forward boldly! Here are some tips from a psychologist on how to break up with a married man:
- Feel the taste of freedom. Allow yourself what your chosen one did not approve of before or for which there was not enough time. Organize a bachelorette party, watch all the episodes of a TV show with your favorite host, spend the weekend with your mother.
- Take a break. Surely a colleague from the next department cannot take his admiring eyes off you. Don't rush into an active search. It is naive to expect that the new Romeo will lick your wounds. You have to stand up on your own. You will definitely succeed. Just not right away.
- Take care of yourself. Amazing meetings and beautiful novels await you. You need to be fully prepared. Pamper yourself with a set of decent cosmetics and a total wardrobe update. Get rid of traces of stress in your body. Yoga classes, coloring books for adults, spa treatments, and bead embroidery will perfectly relieve excess stress.
- Give up common habits. Are you used to drinking coffee with cream in the kitchen with your ex-beau? Boring! Brew yourself some aromatic green tea with ginger. By the way, the balcony is a great place for tasting.
- Don't live in the past. It's pointless to indulge in memories of how good it was for you two. It's important that you feel good now. Put aside the photos together for a while, give the owner a pair of forgotten socks, hide his gifts in the closet. Spend your precious time sparingly – it’s truly a shame to waste it to tears. Start looking for people and experiences that will give you a feeling of true harmony with yourself and the world around you.
She got someone else8
The third case, when your lady has found a “better option,” is not so easy to treat. Here you will have to not only think about how to get your lover back, but also understand yourself. It is important to understand the fine line - you did something wrong somewhere, or your protégé is really better than you in all respects. With the second case, practically nothing can be done, and if you can, then it is criminally punishable. But sorting out your mistakes and correcting yourself is quite an option. Reconsider your attitude towards the affair and perhaps make changes to it.
According to statistics, relationships between a man and a woman fall apart due to routine in 60% of cases. Relationships with her mistress are no exception - a rigid schedule of meetings and the monotony of entertainment can bore her, and she will begin to look for something new in another partner. Prevention of such cases can be changing the meeting place, spending leisure time not only at dinner, but also at different times of the day. Get a woman interested in the end.
A woman threatens with blackmail: useful tips
Further communication with your mistress after separation may be different, depending on the woman’s character. Some girls turn on the “heavy artillery” and try to keep their lover by blackmailing him into telling his wife everything or by manipulating him with feelings of guilt.
In this situation, you can proceed as follows:
Try to put pressure on your conscience.
Appeal to decency, after giving the “tiger” the opportunity to release her “claws” on you. After waiting a pause, have a tear-jerking conversation about a pathetic and insignificant person who deserved such treatment with his vile behavior.- If your mistress is married, you can use her own weapon - blackmail in return. If the chosen one is not burdened with marriage ties, intimidate her with what she may be afraid of.
- React proactively. Tell your wife the whole truth yourself.
- Cheat. Show your acting skills and work on two fronts. Tell your mistress that your wife is “aware of everything,” and just in case, inform your wife about the machinations of ill-wishers who have expressed a desire to destroy the marriage.
- Find a way to stop being afraid of blackmail. If a person sees that you are not touched by threats, he will understand that the idea is pointless.
Rare reasons for a mistress leaving and how to get her back9
Sometimes cases occur that do not fall into these three categories. For example, you could lie to your mistress that you were lonely, and when she found out that you had a family, she immediately gave in. In this case, you need to, as they say, put it on your ears that it’s an arranged marriage and all that, but she is your ray of light in life and you really need her.
If the reason for the breakup was resentment of any kind, then turn on the gentleman and apologize with all your might, resorting to gifts and beautiful words. In general, psychologists say that women who tend to be mistresses forgive men quite easily due to their unscrupulousness. All you need is sincerity, or at least the illusion of it.
How can a man properly tune in to the process?
First of all, it must be said that if you have thoughts about breaking up with your mistress, then the relationship is already doomed to failure, therefore:
- Act progressively and prudently. It is better to immediately let your friend know that the relationship is limited exclusively to intimacy. Then, when the need arises to separate, it will be much easier to do so.
- Accept the fact that the situation cannot be changed, and in any case you will have to end up with a breakup sooner or later.
- Make an adequate assessment of your personal time. Why would you waste it? It is more expedient to dedicate it to those people who truly deserve it.
