What are the signs that a lover loves his mistress?

Lawless Heart
How to deal with feelings?
How can you ultimately leave your wife to be with your beloved mistress?

Husbands do not leave their wives for their mistresses - such statistics seem favorable for those who are considered official spouses. However, there are times when the mistress defeats the wife. A man wants to leave for his mistress, but cannot leave his wife. The men's website masculino.ru will tell you what to do in a situation where a husband has fallen in love with his mistress.

Why does cheating happen? This question has been asked many times by both women and men themselves. However, it is impossible to explain what happens at the level of feelings. If a person acts on emotions, then his actions are sometimes impossible to explain; one can only refer to his emotions. Why can a man fall in love with his mistress? Perhaps this question will be of more interest to wives.

A mistress starts when a man no longer receives something important in his official relationship. Some men are looking for passion and fresh feelings, others strive for a variety of sex, and others simply want relaxation and a relationship without obligations. Sometimes a man already forgets so much about his masculinity in marriage that he wants to prove to himself that he is capable of something.

Relationships with your wife can develop very smoothly, calmly and even too monotonously. Over time, even this may not suit a man who suddenly wants romance, a storm of feelings and passion. At first, a man may enjoy the calm life of his marriage, and then want something that has long been a thing of the past. If a man wants to “shake off the old days,” then he can take a mistress.

Cheating happens often. And many wives here are happy with only one thing: husbands rarely leave for their mistresses, because they understand that life with them will be no better than with official partners. However, sometimes husbands still fall in love with their mistresses, so much so that wives begin to worry and be unsure of the safety of their marriages.

Sign 3: He is hot for his mistress

A man's thoughts really revolve around his relationship with his mistress.
He understands his unsettled personal life: on the one hand, his marital status does not allow him to see her - all the benefits that he has created over the years, and on the other hand, he has an unbearable craving for that woman. He treats his mistress with trepidation and caution - differently than he treats his wife. After all, if he started a serious affair on the side, then his feelings for his own wife have already begun to smolder, and not burn, if not extinguished at all

What does this mean:

He cannot yell at his mistress or insult her. But if you just flare up because of jealousy or because of some quirk of hers, but immediately cool down, apologize or turn the conversation into a joke. He once did the same to his wife at the very beginning of their romantic period.
He is generous to her, thereby compensating for his absence when he is in the family. Well, he is as generous as he can be: an oligarch buys diamonds, a simple worker buys flowers and sweets for a date. If the wife controls the entire budget, then the man somehow gets by with part-time jobs and nest eggs.
He is ready to come running to his mistress’s aid at any moment. His heart boils when he rushes to her at any serious call: for example, she is in an unpleasant situation or is very ill. In this case, he has a couple of friends who will create an alibi for his wife in order to get rid of the ardent lover.
He is very interested in her life, realizing that she is, in general, a free woman. The man is sincerely afraid of her impulses to change something in her life: to end all relationships with him and marry someone else. And then he starts lying again, saying that he will sort everything out himself. Or indeed, he will take it and ruin it.

He reacts to all the slightest changes in his relationship with his mistress like a barometer to atmospheric pressure. He tries to find the right words to explain the significance of their relationship, and believes himself when he vows to give up everything and go to her.

He stops being careful when their romance drags on for years - he appears with his passion among his friends, stays overnight with his mistress, goes with her somewhere on the weekend.

The wife, of course, guesses about this, arranges traps and scandals for him, and now the moment is brewing when the man has to choose what is more important to him - family or mistress. And what choice will be depends on his character and feelings.

Imagine what you can get and what you can give up in this or that case7

Of course, family life is unlikely to bring you surprises. Your boring and unsexy wife, who always demands something, will remain next to you. You know her inside and out, you know all her positive and negative sides, however, just like she is yours. She saw you in all sorts of states and did not turn away, she worried about all your failures and defeats, forcing you to believe in your strength. Who takes care of you during your illness, organizes your life and puts up with your obnoxious relatives and friends? Is it worth exchanging such life experience, acquired through backbreaking labor, for a bright advertising booklet called “mistress”?

Life with a mistress, especially if she is a beautiful and young woman, can be very pleasant and stormy for a while. But such relationships will someday become commonplace. Or they will resemble the last day of Pompeii, when the volcano is capable of erupting at any minute. So in this case, you don’t know what to expect: she may find herself another lover, she is capable of leaving you if she gets tired of the relationship, it is quite possible that she is simply using you.

Try to remember what you actually know about her. It is unlikely that you saw her in an unattractive form, just as you yourself did not show her the worst side of yourself. Do you know what kind of mother, wife or housewife she will make? Of course, she is a very sweet, passionate and attractive girl, but your wife used to be like that too.

One thing is absolutely certain - you need to make a choice, and the sooner the better, otherwise the situation may get out of control and little will depend on your decisions.

What to do if your married lover is jealous

First of all, you need to weigh the situation and understand what caused the jealousy. Maybe the day before you specifically evoked this feeling in him? Then don't be surprised if he behaves strangely or inappropriately.

If a man goes beyond all boundaries and makes violent scandals, talk to him. Discuss the fact that your relationship is not at the level where he is able to lay claim to your fidelity. However, if you are sure that this conversation will not help, it is better not to start it. For example, such statements can provoke a choleric person into a loud conflict. Then irreversible consequences cannot be avoided.

But if the goal is to maintain a relationship with a man, relieve him of feelings of jealousy. It's worth considering how this can be done.

There's a spark between them

You have been married for several years. Love your husband with a calm, respectful love. You feel good and comfortable together. If there was passion in the relationship, it has already cooled down and has been replaced by affection and mutual respect.

Your husband had no plans to cheat on you. But he met someone else, passion took them over. He fell in love and lost his head.

Most likely, you have noticed before that you and your husband are different people. But we decided not to seek passions for ourselves. He is a good person, you appreciate and respect him. What else is needed for a prosperous family life?

How to identify her

If you find yourself in a room where she and your husband will be, you will notice that the air is literally melting between them. As they approach each other, sparks are about to fly in all directions. They may not notice anyone around, the whole world has narrowed around them.

His usual movements, facial expressions, gestures, and intonation change. You look at him and don't recognize him. Or you find out, but sadly note that he was like that at the very beginning of your relationship, and now...

If you haven’t seen her, then you feel a change in your husband. His mood changes. He becomes sad if he does not see or communicate with her for a long time. He takes every opportunity to write or call her. And, naturally, he hides it from you. Now he has more restrictions on you. It is unlikely that he will voluntarily give you his phone number.

Someday you will find traces of her presence in your shared car; her hair and the smell of perfume may remain on her husband’s clothes.

Your intimate life will also change. Your husband will avoid intimacy in every possible way, and at such moments it will seem that he is not with you mentally.

How to deal with it

It is useless to fight it, especially until passions subside. Then it will be clear what their relationship will turn into. Maybe they will see that they are not suitable for each other and go their separate ways. Then your husband will return to you with a feeling of guilt.

Or passion will turn into love. They are made for each other. You will have no choice but to retreat and, if possible, maintain a normal relationship with your husband. Start rebuilding your life without him. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, your relationship is ending right now.

Don't take failure in your family life personally. After all, you did the right thing. Passion is an unreliable advisor in relationships. You used common sense. And he might never have met her.

Then you would live peacefully and safely into old age together. But would you be happy or at some point would you suddenly realize with horror that you had lost so many years with a good, but step-by-step person? It's better this way.

How to understand that a married man has fallen in love with you

Of course, you don't know a man as well as his wife, but you can understand his intentions and feelings through his verbal and nonverbal behavior.

Pay attention to the following nonverbal cues:

Body position. During a meeting, you may notice that the man's body is slightly tilted in your direction, as if he is trying to bridge the distance between you and does not want to agree with your distance.
Touching. A man in love will try to touch you as much as possible. At the same time, these can be either targeted touches on the shoulders, hair, or minor, accidental touches with the hands.

Sight. You can understand everything from a man's gaze. If you notice that he is constantly looking at you and wants to make eye contact with you, then most likely he is in love and wants to get your full attention.

Lips. Notice his smile. A man in love wants to achieve a smile from his chosen one in every possible way. He will joke, be mannered and do everything just to see a response smile and a happy look. Also, his lips will betray his feelings. If you refuse him or say something sad, it will immediately be reflected in his smile, even if he tries to keep the brand of a strong and independent man, the corners of his lips will be lowered.

Smell. A man in love strives to smell his woman. He will inhale the aroma of perfume, the smell of hair and skin. This instinct is uncontrollable and often men do not even notice such behavior.

Demonstration of self-importance. If a man in love has serious plans for a woman, then he will definitely try to demonstrate to her his superiority and importance. He will demonstrate with all his behavior that he is smart, handsome, wealthy, cheerful, etc.

As for verbal ways of demonstrating feelings, they will be as follows:

he will buy gifts, take him to a restaurant, shower him with flowers (demonstration of financial security); he will strive to solve any of your problems on his own (demonstration of importance and strength); you will definitely notice the so-called “gentleman's set” behind it. He will offer his hand, open the door for you, help carry heavy packages, offer his outerwear on a cool evening, etc.; he will demand complete dedication from you and any signs of attention from other men will infuriate him (jealousy is a sign of falling in love).

Many men, not wanting to lose their family, try in every possible way to control verbal signs of attention, but it is simply impossible to take control of non-verbal gestures, and therefore you need to pay attention to them first of all

Why does a man think he still loves his wife?5

Often husbands, feeling guilty, begin to feel sorry for their spouses and confuse pity with love. Despite the betrayal, many men continue to respect and even admire their wives; for them, such feelings are comparable to love. Parting with your old life can frighten anyone. Wanting to somehow cling to the past, men remember previous feelings.

It is quite possible that a man cannot prefer one of the women because he does not love either one or the other. He likes that all his problems and needs are satisfied at the expense of the ladies, so when the need arises to choose one, he is tormented by doubts.

Astrologer's advice

Representatives of different constellations have different requirements for partners. It is worth familiarizing yourself with the features of the signs:

Aries. He believes that a guy must take the initiative. To interest a fire sign, you should look good and move. Aries love erotic massage, sexual experiments, love in a public place. Taurus is distrustful and cautious

It is important for the sign representative to study the girl before approaching her. He considers sexual intimacy an art

This is an attentive, serious lover who is afraid of criticism. You should communicate with him with restraint and carefully. Twins. This is a flighty guy who needs his opposite - a patient, wise girl. If a woman can calmly accept her lover’s infidelity, then she will be able to keep him. Gemini's partner must remain seductive, value her lover's freedom and take care of him. Cancer. Looking for an understanding and devoted woman, a capable lover. Loves spectacular ladies. Does not believe in friendly relations between representatives of different sexes. He should talk about his feelings directly, without coquetry. A lion. He is surrounded by many fans, so he singles out only the brightest. He loves original and well-groomed ladies who need to be wooed. Loves compliments, needs them after an act of love. Jealous and dominant. Avoids career women. Virgo. The key features of the sign are loyalty, sincerity, cleanliness, and rationality. He is vulnerable and demands respect for his feelings. Virgos are attached to their mothers. The ridicule associated with this can hurt a guy. He is conservative and is attracted to feminine and shy girls.

Libra is a subtle soul that needs harmony and beauty. He is indecisive and flighty. Looking for a like-minded woman. His lady should look luxurious. Loves romantic attributes (cinema, touching kisses, walks). He is interested in mysterious personalities. He does not start relationships with available women. Scorpion. He cheats and does not consider it immoral. He believes that the soul loves, but the body remains free. Jealous partners irritate him. At the same time, he himself is a passionate owner who will not forgive the traitor. Loves attractive, mysterious and inaccessible girls. Sagittarius is romantic, smart, sociable. Believes that he should not belong to only one partner. Looking for a like-minded, deep and understanding woman. Appreciates a homely atmosphere and delicious food. Loves intellectual conversations. Capricorn. Ambitious, stubborn, persistent. Believes in the power of money. He often lies to impress his interlocutor. He is vain and seems boring to many. He is looking for a patient woman who will not demand too much attention. Aquarius. Not jealous. He loves shocking girls who know how to shock others. He needs to open up gradually so as not to get bored. Sex without emotional intimacy is considered a boring mechanical act. Looking for a soul mate. Fish. These are sensual and dreamy personalities. They love to make romantic gestures. They are looking for a mysterious, good-natured, motherly caring lady. The guy is touchy, but ashamed of it. Sometimes needs solitude. At such moments, he counts on understanding from his beloved.

In these special relationships, harmony and a sober perception of the situation are important. It is necessary to simultaneously control feelings and allow yourself to enjoy intimacy without commitment.

Why do men have mistresses? Or what does dopamine have to do with it?

Oh, this dopamine, it has destroyed millions of marriages!
Quote from great biologists

When a man meets a woman, his body produces a large amount of dopamine (the pleasure hormone). Then the couple has sex for the first time and at this moment the man receives a maximum release of dopamine and other hormones that are responsible for his pleasure and feeling of happiness.

Time passes and the hero of our story marries this girl. And then, after a few years, an interesting thing happens to him: neither his partner nor sex with him no longer brings as much pleasure as before. Everyday life and emotional attenuation began. But why?

The fact is that dopamine is produced weaker and weaker over time in response to the same stimulus. This applies not only to love relationships. For example, if you eat dry buckwheat for half a year, and then order delicious food from a restaurant, then pleasure hormones in your brain will be at their peak and the food will seem incredible. But if you start eating restaurant food every day, it will become commonplace and pleasure hormones will be produced to a minimum. This food will no longer bring such happiness.

Nature has created such a cunning hormonal system so that people always strive for something and chase new goals or good things. Unfortunately, this also applies to people. Evolution has laid in us a mechanism so that we receive happiness from a new partner, but so that this happiness does not last long, namely 2-3 years (We don’t put labels on everyone, this applies to most people, not everyone).

It is during this period that attachment to a partner occurs and people experience the maximum buzz from the relationship. This period of 2-3 years is associated with childbirth. Because it is during the first two to three years of life that the child is in the most defenseless state. And for his survival, it is beneficial for nature that both parents take care of him. During this period, the couple is strongly attached to each other at the biological level (they are in love).

And after several years, nature seems to say: well done, you have multiplied, you have had a baby, and now it’s time to impregnate other women in order to spread your genes as widely as possible.

At this moment, the couple begins to experience a “relationship crisis.” And the man either leaves, or takes on a mistress on the side, or maintains the relationship and the couple reaches a new level of mutual understanding.

But the main problem is this: when a man lives with his wife, dopamine is not produced for her (or is produced weakly). And when a new girl appears on the horizon, dopamine immediately jumps up, because a new girl is a new stimulus for the production of hormones. This applies not only to men, but also to women. Cute girls also fall into this hormonal dependence and very often experience boredom with the same partner (not all, but many).

The Coolidge Effect There is a phenomenon in biology that confirms the polygamy of most species on earth. The Coolidge effect is a condition in which a male becomes more sexually active with each new female. While his activity towards the permanent female decreases. Experiments were carried out on animals and almost all types of living things have the Coolidge Effect, including humans.

You can read more about this effect here (opens in a new tab)

By the way, the Coolidge effect is also observed in females, but slightly less pronounced than in males.

Biology and the tendency towards polygamy in the human species is a fundamental problem due to which people cheat on each other. Now let's talk about the psychological reasons for cheating. Because very often it is psychological problems in a couple that lead to the man deciding to implement his biological program.

How to make your lover jealous

The essence of a woman is that in order to feel cared for by a man, she needs to make him jealous. This is not easy in a situation with a lover, since he also has another life that does not concern her.

However, the lover must understand that just as one man appeared in her life, another one may appear. You can hint about this by talking flirtatiously with other men. If a man has feelings for a woman, often this is some sense of ownership, then he will recognize even a normal conversation, as if the question arises of how to make a lover jealous, then without going beyond the rules of decency, nevertheless, you need to activate the feelings of your man .

In order to make a man jealous, you can talk on the phone while going into another room. Sooner or later this will raise questions in the lover, and with them anxiety. In any case, you shouldn’t forget about yourself when buying new things, cosmetics and underwear, showing off in front of the mirror. A man begins to participate when a woman becomes dependent on him. Meanwhile, it will be useful to make a man worry and not pick up the phone after the first call

This will solve the question of how to find out whether a lover has feelings, because if they do, the man will try in every possible way to capture the attention of his lover. You need to leave room for mystery. If a woman used to be used to telling a man about what happened during the day, then she needs to leave room for mystery. A lover gets used to the fact that a woman can devote all her free time to him

However, you need to make him understand that relationships do not happen then and not in the way he wants. A woman may have a lot of hobbies and activities that are not related to him. You need to try to discover the world of free time, and then not only will the man be jealous, but the woman will also have the time and opportunity to observe the relationship from the outside. An effective way would be to praise his friend. Many men seek the favor of his friends, although this is not at all necessary and a relationship with a man does not mean friendship with all his relatives and friends.

Is it possible to love your wife and mistress at the same time?3

According to psychologists, it is impossible to love two people at the same time. Love is an absolute passion for another person, when all interest in other individuals of the opposite sex is lost. However, there are many concepts that can replace the feeling of love. For example, it could be sex or passion.

Sex involves purely physical attraction. Passion is a very vivid but short-lived feeling when you want to spend a lot of time with the object of your desire and enjoy his presence. Such essentially close concepts can mislead a man and make him doubt his own feelings. It is important to understand that there is no love without sex and passion, but sex and passion can exist completely separately from love.

Psychological strategy for breaking up

Despite the thoughts that separation is the most terrible event in life, try to objectively assess the surrounding situation. To maintain peace of mind, psychologists urge you to turn to practices that tell you how to most comfortably leave a married man with whom you had an affair.

Shift your focus

If the young man with whom a woman is dating is united in marriage with another, then the mistress probably periodically feels abandoned. In moments of memorable joint or personal dates, the girl would like to feel the breath of her beloved nearby, but he is busy. This is the easiest option when breaking up, especially if the mistress is beautiful.

It is worth introducing into your consciousness the idea that, firstly, you are being cheated on. Even with a legal spouse, this is infidelity, which is covered by the mask of public decency. A man can talk about the lack of physical intimacy, but this is a lie with a probability of 99%

Secondly, it is worth understanding that free young people probably want to capture the attention of a pretty single woman. This will provide a number of advantages, the first of which is complete ownership of your loved one’s time

You won’t have to share it, being content with leftovers or minute dates.

Increase your requests

The mistress is usually content with purchases and gifts that the man brings at his own discretion. This is convenient, and for any initiative he receives encouragement in the form of affection, pleasant words of praise, and sex. If you don't know how to finally leave your married lover, increase the price tag. Talk about necessary expenses, and if there is no answer, be capricious, show dissatisfaction and refuse physical intimacy. Behavior and increased demands will tire a man and provoke a breakup.

There are partnership options in which the young man fully pays the numerous expenses of the passion. In this case, the method will not work.

Spend more time together

Married women, meeting a partner who devotes time to them, become tender and romantic. Just like in their youth, they go on dates, dress up and feel an upsurge of spiritual strength. In addition, the lover is idealized. It seems that you were lucky in your choice, because a man who comes and leaves almost immediately is difficult to evaluate.

To make an objective judgment about the partner you love, try to spend more time with him, because he is socially active and has friends and colleagues. As soon as the total total of daily time together approaches 4-6 hours, it will be possible to identify shortcomings. Figuratively speaking, he didn’t clean up after himself from the table, or he put his socks in the wrong place. However, these little things will develop into a whole complex if you start watching your lover closely. The main thing is not to continue the process of idealization, blaming yourself for your partner’s bad mood. Such “debunking” of the image will immediately remove the masks, turning the loved one into an ordinary cheater and liar.

Take off the mask of a good and understanding woman

The question of why a man gets a girlfriend on the side has found an answer among psychologists. Representatives of the stronger sex try to compensate for their wife's shortcomings. For example, the spouse is cold in bed or does not praise him for daily chores (washed the dishes, dusted). All this can be found in an understanding and reverent lover. However, as soon as a woman shows character or dissatisfaction, the young man will prefer to move away from the horizon as quickly as possible - he does not need another wife, who, moreover, does not have official status. To break off a relationship, if the decision has been made, but you don’t want the man to suffer, show your negative traits.

Love yourself more than him

A woman is an emotionally strong being, capable of inspiring and elevating anyone who is dear to her to the rank of deity. However, in these moments one’s own value and uniqueness are often forgotten.

To have the strength to break up a love affair, pay attention to yourself. Take advantage of your free time not to spend hours preparing for a meeting or a fleeting date, but to go to the gym

Compensating for disrespect in the home

A contemptuous attitude towards a husband and a constant demonstration of a certain dissatisfaction are the two points that can easily push men to cheat. A lover will always give you warmth and passion because she rarely sees her partner.

The nature of all men is such that he needs to feel superior to his partner. And if the wife does not give such an opportunity, it makes sense to think about reconsidering the relationship as a whole.

Of course, nothing can justify betraying a loved one. Even the wife's misbehavior is not a reason to look for a mistress.

First, you need to discuss everything with your family, and if there is no chance to correct the current situation, you should end such a relationship and only then look for new adventures.

Author: Elena Gutyro

Verbal behavior signs of falling in love

It is quite difficult to determine whether a womanizer is in love, because this category of men professionally controls themselves and their emotions. They are quite rational and know how to plan their time, meetings and calls. It is difficult to determine the betrayal of an inveterate womanizer and identify his love, which cannot be said about a decent family man.

If you notice the following behavior in your man, then most likely he is in love:

Fear of direct contact. The husband feels guilty and begins to show it in his behavior. He tries to avoid eye contact with his wife. His conversation becomes more reserved, and any attempts to talk about relationships and the future are simply ignored.
"Random" meetings. A married man cannot make an appointment with his new chosen one, and therefore he will strive to organize a seemingly random meeting. This could be a friendly party or a holiday, the obligatory guest of which will be your loved one. If it's a colleague, then it's even easier to justify spending time together.

Help and problem solving. He can justify his readiness to resolve any issue that arises with simple friendly support, but this is not so. If the husband is ready to quit work, rest and rush to solve her questions and problems at the first call, then most likely he is in love with her.

Interest in a woman's life. A man in love not only sympathizes with his chosen one, but also listens to her carefully, remembers important events and dates from her life. If he does not have the opportunity to personally talk with a woman, then he begins to learn about her affairs from friends and relatives.

Nervous when meeting. When meeting the woman he loves, a married man begins to get nervous and loses self-control, because he understands that his feelings for this person are quite strong and he wants to be with her.

It is quite difficult to say that all of the above points will be reflected in a man’s behavior, because each person is an individual with his own temperament and character.

Many women want to build a relationship with a man so much that they perceive any of his actions as attempts to declare love. Practical psychologist Nadezhda Mayer will tell you what three misconceptions lovers in love often encounter. Thanks to this video, you can understand whether your relationship has a future or whether you are just wishful thinking.