In this article we will tell you:
- 4 reasons to leave your lover
- The best ways to painlessly leave a married lover
- Advice from psychologists to help you leave your lover
How to leave your lover if there are plenty of reasons to do so? The question is not an easy one, given the internal discomfort one sometimes experiences in connection with this event in an attempt not to hurt anyone’s feelings and to do the right thing.
One way or another, if a woman has an affair on the side, one day she may want to end this relationship. Our article will tell you how to do this as tactfully and calmly as possible. In it we reflected the methods and advice of psychologists that will help you.
How to get ready for a breakup: advice from psychologists
It is important to understand that there is no painless way; healing mental wounds will still take time.
A mistress who has decided to get rid of addiction must understand that another woman exists not only in a man’s stories. She is a very real person, forced to live in deception. Does the lover have a reason to be proud of such a relationship? Does she respect a man who leads a double life and does not spare the feelings of two women at once?
Many married men cite discord with their spouse, whose divorce is prevented by habit or common children. In all these excuses, the mistress sees the hope that one day her beloved will get divorced and will belong to her completely.
It is worth looking back at the experience of generations and understanding that a person who wants to get a divorce will get a divorce without excuses or delays. Words spoken in the heat of passion often turn out to be empty chatter.
The novelty of feelings and the opportunity to feel needed by both his wife and his mistress are what attracts a man to such a life. The decision to break up remains with the woman, since the lover is completely satisfied with the situation.
Psychological preparation
Some representatives of the fair sex do not want to endure an uncertain relationship for a long time with a man who already has a family, so they prefer to leave a married man. The stories of these women are different: for some it works out easily, since the lover also has doubts about further communication. Others have to suffer for a long time, because the man categorically does not agree with the prospect of losing the joy of communication with two loving women.
If a woman has finally decided to break up, psychologists recommend preparing mentally for this. To do this, it is necessary to soberly and objectively analyze the situation that has developed. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated (this is exactly what is happening in your relationship now, even if you consider this connection to be your initiative). Surely you were hoping to build a serious relationship, but you were simply deceived. And if your plans included only physical relaxation, variety in routine life, or a thirst for extreme sports, consider that you have already gotten what you wanted.
Which is better to leave: quickly or slowly?
It is important to understand that there is no painless way; it will still take time to heal mental wounds.
Once you decide to break up, you need to start taking action right away.
It is worth considering your temperament when choosing a method, so as not to break down.
A quick way to end a relationship in 2 days
Once you decide to break up, you need to start taking action right away. You should not give a chance to once again promise a beautiful future, or listen to empty assurances. You need to part in such a way that the person will never meet you on the way again and will not interfere with your life in peace.
It is best to talk frankly with your lover. Explain to him your position, speak detachedly and emphatically politely. Quarrels and scandals will lead to aggression on the part of a man and unnecessary stress, so you can avoid a personal conversation and resolve the issue with a phone call.
After such a conversation, all contacts should be stopped. No correspondence, calls, meetings. If you have to meet at work or in a common company, you should limit yourself to short remarks and rare polite addresses. It is best to completely eliminate it from your life, albeit with the help of drastic changes.
You should not be afraid of being fired or changing your social circle.
If a married lover does not give up trying to achieve a conversation or meeting, then complete ignorance will sooner or later make him understand the seriousness of the decision made.
He will switch to his family or go to conquer new available girls.
How to politely and beautifully send off a guy by correspondence
Refusing a guy on the Internet seems like nothing could be easier, right? However, there are rules here too. Basically they overlap with what we talked about earlier, but other options are possible - for example:
- “I realized that we are not a couple”;
- “I met another man”;
- “We have great communication, but as a couple we are not suitable for each other.”
There is no need to write a long message listing all the reasons; it is enough to choose one suitable one in order to harmlessly reject an online acquaintance. If you can’t do this, the only way out is to ignore.
Practical advice
Psychologists give a number of recommendations for getting out of this situation.
Take a sober look at the situation
It is unlikely that a woman has a conscious desire to become the mistress of a married man. Everyone dreams of sincere love, a happy family, common friends and hobbies. A woman in love wants to be proud of her chosen one, tell her friends about him, be confident in the future and feel protected.
Continuing meetings means agreeing to a threesome relationship
Someone else's husband cannot give a woman any of the above. Most often, relationships are based on flaring passion and end in a painful breakup.
A man prone to cheating will not attach much importance to the feelings of his new lover, and for a woman such an affair can result in psychological trauma and leave a heavy mark.
Meetings with a married lover are always like a first date. They take place on neutral territory, accompanied by gifts and beautiful gestures. A woman gets used to such manifestations of affection and does not think that sharing life with a man is a completely different matter. This role has already been assigned to the wife, whose expectations are also deceived.
Continuing to meet means agreeing to a threesome relationship. They will always contain the image of the wife, her calls, the man’s lies. You will have to come to terms with the fact that your loved one spends his nights with another woman and has sex with her. This is not so easy to realize.
Change your behavior
Mistresses do not cease to be faithful women; they remain faithful to their partner, forgetting that his life is not limited to one lady of his heart.
You will have to come to terms with the fact that your loved one spends his nights with another woman and has sex with her.
When leaving, the man continues his busy life, playing the role of a family man and faithful spouse. And the mistress wastes her days and nights, waiting for the next appointment of a secret meeting.
Reasons for refusal
If you are still racking your brains over whether or not to start a close relationship with a married man, here are a few arguments in favor of why you shouldn’t take this desperate step:
- Be prepared to be #2. No matter what your gentleman says, no matter what praises he sings to you, he will spend most of his time with his wife. You will only get “minutes of happiness” that you can snatch from time to time. He will be with his family all holidays and weekends, and you will remain alone and patiently wait until your chosen one deigns to appear. In addition, you are unlikely to be able to openly walk around the city and go to restaurants. In such relationships, meetings, as a rule, take place in the woman’s apartment, or the gentleman specifically rents housing for this;
- Mistress. As you know, public opinion evaluates love for a married person extremely negatively, so do not be surprised if you are elevated to the rank of a homewrecker and destroyer of the family;
- Be patient a little and I'll get a divorce. Promises of this kind are the favorite mantra of married men who have relationships on the side. As a rule, this is limited to mere words, and it comes to action only in very rare cases. And in most cases, a man does not dare to leave his family, especially if there are children in it. And this promise serves more as an excuse to keep a girlfriend for secret meetings, and, as a rule, it does not lead to divorce;
- All good men are married. This artificially created myth successfully exists among women who are slightly over 30. For some reason, they decided that by this age men with good qualities have already been sorted out, and those who remained unmarried do not deserve attention. That's why women agree to be a mistress, as long as the man is caring and successful. Let us hasten to dispel this misconception. There are quite a few attractive men around who are not yet married and can make a very good match. You just need to look for them a little or take a closer look at your surroundings. But you shouldn’t perceive the situation as hopelessness, and from this become a mistress, because you probably deserve better;
- Take care of your nerves. When choosing a relationship with a married man, do not only expect pleasant romantic encounters, intense sex and gifts. The other side of the coin here is constant nervous tension and permanent jealousy. Yes, married people can lie, saying that their wife no longer means anything to him, their relationship has been consumed by everyday life, and he is in the family only because of the children. But let's face it, he spends more time with his wife and he goes to bed with her at night. Think about it, are you ready to put up with this?
How to get over a breakup if you're still in love
After a breakup, there will be a period of doubt. Feelings do not disappear quickly, so worries, sadness and longing for a loved one will definitely come to a woman. How to cope with emotions?
Be alone
A bad breakup requires a lot of strength and energy. Usually after a breakup people feel devastated. The woman no longer has anyone to occupy her thoughts; she does not feel her former support.
It's completely normal to spend a few days alone. Cry without being embarrassed by anyone, get some sleep. This period will put your thoughts in order and relieve you of the first and most difficult emotions.
Breakup of a married woman with her lover
If a woman left her lover on her own, it means that she had enough strength to cope with this problem on her own. She probably had the opportunity to compare the two men and make the final choice. The reason for leaving could be the lack of prospects with a new young man (he was satisfied with a relationship in which he did not need to officially register the marriage). Perhaps the children became an obstacle to the emergence of a new union (the lover was indifferent to them or did not accept them).
In any case, psychologists recommend looking at your husband in a new way in this situation. After your return (it doesn’t matter whether he knows about your connection or not), you need to try to do everything so that the family reaches a new level. It’s not in vain that you paid attention to another man; this indicates that there were problems in your relationship. Diversify your leisure time, change the environment (globally or locally), communicate more, remember your feelings during your first dates and try to renew them.
The role of temperament during a breakup
Temperament influences behavior in different life situations.
Each type has features:
- Choleric people approach relationships pragmatically and do not consider creating a family their main goal. They study a potential partner for a long time, looking for similarities in interests and outlook on life. Such people rarely fall in love, but they leave the relationship quite painfully and become strongly attached; due to frequent changes in mood, they are able to abruptly break off ties, even if they regret it.
- Sanguine people primarily look for a friend in a partner and strive for variety; they tend to fall in love often. They do not strive for constant control over their chosen one, they are generous with attention, and love to give gifts. Feeling discomfort in a relationship, sanguine people quickly pull away and easily leave.
- Phlegmatic people see their partner as a helper and choose with their mind, not their heart. They seek traditional relationships and predictability, value accepted moral principles highly, take relationships seriously, and are slow to let people approach you. Phlegmatic people leave after carefully weighing all the pros and cons and justifying the decision.
- Melancholic people are the most sensitive of all types. These people value romance, devote themselves completely to new relationships, become emotionally attached to their partner, and make sacrifices and concessions. They idealize their partners, have high expectations and are often disappointed, and they endure separation hard, do not let go of feelings for a long time and cannot hide them.
How to fill the void
Not long ago, a woman wondered how to leave her ex-lover, but now she dared to take this step, and her life really changed, but so far only for the worse. The woman feels unhappy and lonely. At a time when she could have a pleasant time with a man who aroused sympathy, she is alone at home and forced to be bored.
What to do in such a situation? Of course, you need to fill the gap and it is best to start a new novel for this purpose. It is also recommended to find a hobby you like and fill all your free time with it.
Breaking the rules: why is it exciting?
No conversation about relationships can avoid the sensitive topic of rules and our more than human desire to break them. Priya may be scared that she is sidelining her marriage. But this is precisely the appeal of breaking the rules - we like to risk what is most precious to us. Knowing full well about the existence of gravity, we dream of flying. This can lead to either transformation or destruction, and sometimes they are inseparable from each other.
Priya often feels like she has become a walking contradiction: alternately horrified by her own recklessness and delighted by her audacity, while simultaneously fearing exposure and not feeling strong enough (or simply unwilling) to end the affair. Surely neuroscientists would say that in everyday life she follows the rational commands of her frontal lobe, while romance is entirely the responsibility of her limbic system.
The desire to break rules is in a person’s blood. Moreover, as many of us remember from childhood, hiding, hiding, behaving badly and being afraid of exposure is very interesting, especially if you then get away with it. In adult life, all this sometimes becomes a powerful aphrodisiac.
Sexologist Jack Morin's famous "erotic equation" states: "Attraction plus obstacles equals arousal." He explains that we are especially aroused when we are a little off balance, feeling insecure, “finding ourselves on the fine line between ecstasy and disaster.”
This helps us understand why people in happy, stable relationships are also attracted to the opportunity to break the rules. Priya is tormented by the question: what if, just once, I act as if the rules don’t apply to me?
