How to raise a teenage boy: characteristics, parental mistakes and their impact on personality

December 24, 2016

Averyanova Sveta

Raising a teenager is different from raising young children. After all, in fact, these are already formed personalities who grow up and develop every day. This is evidenced not only by changes in their appearance, figure, but also in behavior.

Most children at the age of 14 become uncontrollable, stubborn, and withdraw into themselves. And this is the omission of parents who missed the moment when their child grew up. To avoid problems with a teenager, you should know what mistakes you should not make in raising your daughter or son, and what advice from a psychologist you should take note.

What influences the transition period

This very age, as is known, is characterized by the boy’s puberty. Since each organism is individual, it is difficult to name the beginning and end of the period of formation of a man in it. As a rule, puberty begins at 10-14 years of age and lasts until 17. An important role in the normal entry into the transition period, according to experts, is played by the following factors:

• features of environmental conditions and lifestyle;
• family;
• heredity;
• nationality and culture;
• traditions and customs;
• absence of various deviations from the norm of development.

Boys who adhere to an active and sporty lifestyle and are able to maintain friendly relations with their parents go through the “difficult period” calmer and more self-possessed.

At this time, parents should be as attentive as possible to their son, understanding and realizing that he needs their help and support no less than in his “toddler” age. Loving parents will prepare for this stage in advance, read books and consult with psychologists on this or that issue. But most importantly, you need to talk to the child and devote more time to him. Otherwise, the words from the song “My adolescence is a blank spot on the map of adults” will become reality.

Features of raising boys

A 14-year-old child demands attention and seeks support from his mother or father. But not all parents understand this. In their opinion, in order to raise a real man, you need to make him strong, independent, and able to cope with his problems alone.

The result of such a position is usually disastrous. After all, the child finds himself without support and looks for it anywhere but at home. This is fraught with connections with bad companies, immoral behavior, and this is not the worst of all that can happen to him.

In order for a boy to become a man, it is necessary to pay attention to what the upbringing of teenagers is like, the typical mistakes of parents that can cripple the psyche. Only by excluding them can you raise a boy happy, caring, understanding and courageous.

Therefore, parents should not:

• Take the whip method as the basis for education. Nothing good will come of this. By prohibiting a child from everything that his peers have access to, you can give rise to anger in him towards the whole world. In addition to the respect that parents want to instill in him, they will receive hatred and fear. Freed from such guardianship, the boy can go to great lengths to make up for lost time. There will be no positive memories of youth to look back on in old age.
• Show excessive care, take care and protect the boy from everything and everyone. This mistake is made by mothers of children who have single-parent families. In this way they try to add the love that the child did not receive from the father. If you don’t stop in time, and this needs to be done before the boy turns 14, then instead of raising a man, you will be able to make the child dependent on his mother, who solves all his problems, deals with offenders, and decides his fate.
• Resort to comparison. During adolescence, all children are different. Some people withdraw into themselves, while others become open to everything new. A mistake parents make is constantly comparing their child with their peers. Such attacks can shake self-confidence; the child will begin to imitate the standard and lose himself. In no case should you compare your child; on the contrary, he needs to be instilled with faith that everything will work out for him, he will overcome difficulties, receive an excellent education and become a successful person.
• Contradict yourself.
  If a father teaches his son to protect girls, to give in to them, but he himself offends and beats his mother in front of his eyes, then the teenager will transfer this model of behavior to his family in the future. The same applies to the teaching of morality, talking about how stealing is bad, while, for example, bringing something from work is illegal.

To raise a son to be a man, you need to show him, using the example of his dad, what he should be. All other arguments will be in vain. After all, they do not correspond to the example that a teenager observes every day.

Three main phases of adolescence

As it turned out, the beginning of the period of growing up can be different, but its components - three main phases - are always the same:

1. Preparatory. The psyche and body are preparing for changes in the psychological and physical plane.
2. Puberty. This is the teenage period.
3. Postpubertal. The formation of the body and psyche is finally completed. The period is characterized by the manifestation of active interest in girls.

Parents are advised to pay close attention to changes in their child’s behavior, monitor his environment, interests, and physiological problems during all phases of adolescence.

Health and Safety

It is important for a teenager to know how to take care of his health. Risky behavior can be one of the biggest dangers teenagers face. So educate your teen about the dangers they face and give up privileges when they make poor choices.

Visiting the doctor

Teens can continue to see their pediatrician until age 21. It is recommended that teenagers have annual health checks.

Exercise, acne, respiratory infections, asthma and skin problems are common reasons why teens need to visit their pediatrician between annual visits.

It is important to give teens the opportunity to talk to their pediatrician alone. They may have questions about sex, sexuality, STDs, alcohol, drugs, or other sensitive issues that they don't feel comfortable talking about in front of their parents.

Your pediatrician should check your child's body mass index, provide physical activity and nutrition counseling, and provide education about sexually transmitted infections.

Sexually active teens can be tested regularly for sexually transmitted diseases, including chlamydia and gonorrhea, even if they don't have any symptoms.

Obstetricians and gynecologists recommend that girls have their first gynecological visit at the age of 15 years

The pediatrician should also check for mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety. It is important to communicate any concerns you may have about your teen's mood or behavior.

Main signs of growing up

Significant changes occurring in the boy’s body are reflected in his appearance and behavior. Active production of hormones affects frequent irritability, rapid growth, sudden mood swings and other behavioral characteristics characteristic of this age.

Signs of physiological changes are increased hair growth, including fuzz above the upper lip, a roughened voice, pigmentation of the scrotum and a change in the size of the penis, as well as the appearance of acne (on the face, shoulders, back), emissions (nighttime spontaneous ejaculations). All changes normally occur sequentially, and the transformation of a boy first into a young man and then into a man is inevitable.

The temperament of a teenager also undergoes significant transformations, so excessive aggressiveness and nervousness should be under the control of parents and specialists. The vulnerability of teenagers is extremely high; any criticism addressed to them can cause a storm of negative emotions and reckless actions.

Boys, having realized the changes taking place in them, strive to become independent, assert themselves and prove to the whole world their courage, independence and other “cool” traits, which are called “maximalism” among adults.

How to communicate with a teenager correctly?

Several recommendations on how to communicate with a teenager correctly will help you avoid quarrels:

• Respect his emerging personality.
• Maintain the correct family hierarchy (father, mother, children), but do not belittle the teenager. Show that you feel responsible for him, guide him, but try to build a relationship of trust.
• Respect the child's personal emotional space, as well as his personal space.
• Don’t give lectures, build communication in the form of dialogues. Create dialogues in the form of “question-answer”. They will guide the teenager’s thinking towards the right conclusions.

Difficult times – “correct” parents

So, in order to maintain a stable and friendly relationship with their teenage son, mom and dad need to stock up on the lion’s share of patience and take some advice from experts who have carefully studied the features of the transition period:

1. Become your son's friend. Finally, do without moralizing, remember yourself in the same period of life. Don't be afraid to admit your own weaknesses and show your strengths.
2. Trust. Provide your teenage son with personal space in everyday life and psychological terms. Stop obsessively controlling his actions, tell your son more often that you love and trust him.
3. Don't criticize. Moreover, any characteristics of the child (laziness, carelessness, forgetfulness, etc.) should not be criticized, but only his actions. The tone of the conversation with the teenager should be calm.
4. Be interested in his hobbies and opinions. A teenage boy will be happy to talk about himself and his life if he feels that you are really interested in it. It is important to take into account the child’s opinion when resolving any, for example, family or school issues.
5. Be patient. Restrain your emotions if your son is rude. Do not fan the flames of a scandal, let him “cool down” and talk to him in a calm atmosphere.
6. Praise. All good deeds and grades at school should be assessed by parents. Tell your son more often that you are proud of him.
7. Recognize his "I". Accept your teenage boy with all his flaws. Do not impose your beliefs and stereotypical attitudes.

Only parental participation and attention, joint hobbies and active family recreation, sports and creative classes, and daily maximum employment of a boy will distract him from the thoughts of “mortal existence” and help him endure the period of growing up relatively calmly.

Spread the love

Features of raising a girl

Raising a teenage girl has some differences from raising a boy. But still, at fourteen years old, a girl needs love and understanding from her parents, and especially her mother. In this matter, parents should take into account advice on what mistakes they should not make:

• Raise in strictness. Parents, fearing that their daughter will get involved with bad company or begin sexual activity early, which can lead to early pregnancy, try to protect their child from all this. Therefore, they load her with all sorts of household chores, studies and other things. The model of behavior in this case is more reminiscent not of a family, but of a boss and a subordinate. The girl does not feel protected, loved and begins to look for support in strangers.
• Allow everything, pamper and indulge your whims. If parents raise their daughter this way, then they must be prepared for the fact that her demands will soon increase, and any refusal will be perceived as a betrayal. Such a girl will grow into a woman who does not show respect for people and cares only about her own well-being. And first of all, the parents themselves will suffer from such upbringing.
• Criticize the child. There is nothing worse than low self-esteem, which can cripple your entire life. Father's criticism is especially acute, which in the future may result in hatred of the entire male sex. But praise for achievements, affection and care will help raise a little girl into a confident woman.
• It's too much to be frank. Despite the fact that many psychologists advise parents to make friends with their daughters in adolescence, this idea is only half successful. If a child shares his experiences and seeks advice from his parents, this is one thing, but when a mother crosses all boundaries of what is permitted and begins too frank intimate conversations, this can traumatize the child’s psyche.

The consequences will soon appear in the form of the daughter’s isolation, the desire to avoid communication with her mother, and she will be forced to look for answers to questions on her own.

A successful and happy woman is the merit of her parents, who at one time knew how to raise a teenage girl and retained warm and tender feelings. But this is worth a lot.

Raise a craftsman

Parents often believe that a teenager’s main task is to study, and for some reason they forget to instill in him even the simplest everyday skills. What can we say about some skills... In fact, the more we can do, the better prepared we are for life. And this applies primarily to men. Well, imagine a man who doesn’t even know how to hammer a nail. Let your son know how to do everything: hammer in taps, fix nails, cook dinner... This won’t hurt him in any case, and the teenager himself will feel more confident - not like an incompetent, but a guy who can do anything.

How to improve your relationship with your teenage daughter?

The relationship with a teenage daughter needs to be improved, first of all, by the mother. The ideal mother is a mother-friend. People turn to her for advice, seek her support, trust her with secrets, and make important decisions with her.

The task of a loving mother is to prepare her daughter for an independent life as best as possible. It is necessary to teach a teenager how to manage a household, because in adult life, incompetent girls face a lot of problems. Noticing the lack of useful skills, those around them usually do not skimp on caustic remarks and readily label the young woman as a slob or a bad housewife, which hurts her self-esteem. The inexperience of the housewife, as well as her reluctance to perform traditionally feminine duties, often become the cause of conflicts in a young family.

Mom’s task is to properly orient her daughter, explain to her how life works, and teach the girl everything she needs. The father must provide his daughter with a sense of security, must approve and encourage the acquisition of useful skills, and serve as an example that the girl will follow when choosing a life partner. Parents, using the example of their family, should show the girl the correct model of relationships in the “unit of society.”

First true love, search for a calling

14-17 year old teenagers usually not only date peers of the opposite sex, but actually fall in love. At this age, a full-fledged sex life most often begins (more than “hugs and kisses”). Then the teenager begins to gradually “betray” his group, look at his friends more critically, and look for true friendship, where trust and common interests are important, not hierarchy or status.

However, everything is not limited to love and friendship. Many 15-year-olds are no longer satisfied with quickly boring hobbies. They want to find a calling. At the same time, the future still seems cloudless.

When a teenager finds his calling (or thinks so), he is filled with ambition and the desire to “turn the world upside down.” The psychology of a 16–17 year old teenager is structured in such a way that he is confident that he will achieve outstanding heights in his favorite activity without any problems. Gradually, gaining experience and becoming an adult, a person begins to look more realistically at his own prospects and capabilities.

How to develop a child

It is necessary to develop a teenager in two directions - physical and psychological. Parents try to choose a club or sport for their child, and then scold them for failure. Because dad or mom is trying to realize personal unfulfilled dreams with his life - this is prohibited. A person chooses the type of activity himself.

Psychologically, the guy is able to take responsibility for any actions. He can be assigned to take out the trash every day, pick up his younger brother from kindergarten, and put him to bed. This is how a little person is taught discipline and order. If the family does not have clear guidelines, he will quickly get tired and ignore responsibilities, which will affect future family life.

The worst thing on the mother’s part is excessive persistence and unnecessary care. The first case is when a person grows up lacking initiative, timid, and afraid of women. The second is lazy, irresponsible. Both cases of creating a strong family will be unsuccessful, because at a certain moment a woman also needs support. It is situations like this that destroy families.