10 important tips for teenage boys. Psychology of a teenage boy. Advice for parents of teenagers 9-15 years old

Parents have heard a lot about adolescence, so when a child approaches a dangerous threshold, they try to prepare for it as much as possible. The crisis of 13 years manifests itself especially vividly and impulsively, when conversations in raised voices, slamming doors, partying until midnight in strange companies and other problems begin.

How to behave in conflict situations without causing trouble and not harming the fragile child’s psyche? The advice of psychologists will help, the implementation of which does not require supernatural powers.

Raising a 9-year-old boy: advice from a psychologist

You need to try to sort out the problems. That is, do not shift responsibility onto your child’s shoulders, but also do not deprive him of choice. Give your child more independence than before. You cannot leave a child without control, because he can make a lot of mistakes, but try to make this control unnoticeable. Do not lie and tell your child the truth, even if it is quite harsh and unpleasant.

Raising a 9-year-old boy, advice from a psychologist:

Be sure to get advice about spending family money. Monitor your child’s health and, if necessary, consult a dermatologist to solve problems with oily skin, acne and pimples.
Be sure to praise your child, even if the achievements are minor.
Do not reprimand your child in front of peers, as this may undermine his or her authority. Listen to his opinion and express yours, but don’t force him to do it his way.
Be sure to be interested in successes and listen to what the child says. Trust him and be sure to love him.
Boys aged 9 years have not yet reached the culmination of adolescence, so there may be subtle changes in behavior. However, at this age there is a need for personal space and greater freedom.
Therefore, parents should be prepared that after the age of 9 the child will gradually become distant. Remember that at this age sons are very vulnerable, interests, some questions and doubts appear. Be sure to communicate with your child and try to support him. Very often, sweet children turn into unbearable ones and may behave badly.

Communication

Raising thirteen year olds: possible problems

Children at the age of 13 are increasingly interested in adult life. If you have been able to maintain a trusting relationship at this point, your daughter or son will more often ask questions about work, family, and various phenomena in society. Be sure to develop the conversation, give examples, explain.

Do not ignore questions, even uncomfortable ones - the child will still look for answers to them, and outside the family he may receive information that will harm him.

Moreover, if in a conversation you indicate what is right and what is wrong, you must definitely argue your point of view (and not just say “because it should be so”). Otherwise, the teenager simply will not take what you say seriously.

Teenagers tend to divide everything into “black” and “white,” without intermediate options: “The teacher scolded me today, that’s why he’s bad.” The child hangs “labels” on others on the wave of his emotions. When discussing each situation, you need to show your son or daughter that all events have their own causes and consequences . And that the reason for people’s unfavorable attitude towards him is often his own behavior (the same unlearned homework and disrupted lessons). If conflicts happen systematically with one of the adults, be sure to figure out the situation - whether the child is really to blame or whether he was treated with prejudice and without understanding.

The teenager tries to create his own style of communication, tries to joke and be witty. If his jokes are not very funny, you should not criticize sharply, this can offend the child and increase self-doubt.

Support any enthusiasm of your son or daughter aimed at useful and good deeds. If a child wants to have a family holiday, help organize it. If he wants to take up a new hobby or sport, sign him up for classes unless there is a compelling reason not to.

The child continues to get acquainted with the world of professions, and you need to help with this. Remind him of the value of knowledge, skills and the very desire for self-development. Remember to praise your academic successes and respond to mistakes with restraint.

Many adults find it difficult to choose the right approach to a capricious and impudent teenager. Strict prohibitions and restrictions often have the exact opposite effect. Therefore, at this time, understanding and restraining emotions when resolving conflicts is more important than ever. If problems become threatening (a teenager tries to run away from home, harm himself, completely ignores his family and studies), it is worth seeking help from a competent psychologist.

Psychology of a 10-11 year old boy: advice

The transitional age can begin at 11 years old and last until 17. This is a fairly wide range, during which significant changes in appearance occur. The genital organs mature, hair growth increases, the voice changes, and significant changes occur in the boy’s height and weight. In general, from 14 to 16 years of age, there may be a peak in weight gain, as well as in height. It is during this period that a young man is able to grow by several tens of centimeters. Of course, such a significant jump in growth and changes in appearance is due to the high content of various hormones in the blood. They can affect the child’s mental state, causing anxiety, apathy, excessive emotionality, or, conversely, isolation. Therefore, parents should be prepared for this. It is best to prepare your child for such a period in advance by discussing important aspects.

Psychology of a 10-11 year old boy, tips:

First of all, it is necessary to talk about nocturnal emissions that occur in adolescents. Indeed, according to the opinion of a large number of experts, they are the ones who cause a lot of anxiety in children. If you are embarrassed to talk about such intimate topics, you can offer him a relevant book. In this case, the teenager will independently choose a convenient time to read useful information.
It is necessary for the child to understand that nothing bad is happening to his body. Be sure to pay attention to the teenager’s appearance. At the age of 10-16 years, boys and girls are characterized by youthful maximalism; they are very scrupulous about their appearance. It may not change for the better. Previously beautiful, smooth, thin skin becomes oily, covered with pimples and comedones.
Even if these problems are minor, you need to pay attention to them. Never yell at your child or ignore his problems, even if they seem insignificant to you. Help your child take care of his skin. Take him to an appointment with a dermatologist, talk and discuss all the intricacies of caring for oily teenage skin. Usually, dermatologists prescribe special products, talkers, and masks that help remove pimples and blackheads.

In company

Problems of adolescence

The complication of real trends in social advancement, the acceleration of the rhythm of existence, and the preference for a hedonistic way of life have an impact on the formation of modern teenagers. The current circumstances cause passivity in children, aggression, depressive moods, moral indifference and create obstacles to the identification of their own moral values and comprehension of the meaning of their own existence.

That is why the psychology of modern adolescents, in comparison with the psychology of early periods of formation, is characterized by specificity. After all, the dynamism of existence and its attitude towards pleasure as the highest value is reflected in the hearts and consciousness of new generations.

The main problems of adolescence include:

– anger in children (the problem lies not in the very presence of this feeling, but in the inability to control it), manifested in passive-aggressive behavioral reactions in order to throw the adult environment or parents out of balance, and is characterized by unawareness, being the result of hushed anger;

– emotional instability;

– suicidal tendencies, which are caused by low self-esteem, parental indifference, feelings of loneliness, and depressive moods;

– homosexuality, which consists of intimate attraction to subjects of the same sex;

– teenage depression, expressed by a sad, depressed mood, pessimism, a feeling of worthlessness, retardation of movements, monotony of ideas, decreased motivation, various somatic abnormalities;

– personal self-determination, which includes social self-determination, family, professional, moral, religious and life.

Psychology of a 12 year old boy: advice

During this period, personal boundaries are built, so do not be upset if a teenager moves away from you. For the first time he begins to feel like a person, a person and an individual, as well as a member of society. He wants his opinion to be taken into account.

Psychology of a 12 year old boy, advice:

If there is misunderstanding on the part of adults, the child may withdraw into himself. Therefore, under no circumstances treat a teenager as a child. Try to communicate with him as an adult, but do not forget that he is not smart or experienced enough to make serious decisions. Please note that now very low self-esteem and complexes may form.
The child often becomes overly anxious during this period. There may be difficulties communicating with peers. Therefore, take a closer look at your friends and surroundings. Teenagers aged 11-12 years may act rashly. This is one of the most dangerous periods, when there is a surge of hormones, and boys want to be better than their peers, often getting into “weak” fights.
The main task is to assert yourself, prove to yourself that you are worth something, and also gain authority among your peers. It is necessary to tell the child that he is worthy, thereby increasing his self-esteem. It is necessary that the child learns to perceive his emotions and control them. In adolescence, this is quite difficult; the emotional component predominates rather than the rational one. Therefore, teach your child to control his emotions and manage aggression.

At this stage, boundaries are changed and new ones are created. An independent person with his own views and emotions is formed. Therefore, it is quite natural that the guy wants to separate from his parents. That is why at the moment there may be a denial of family values, authority and norms of behavior. The child may become too aggressive. Try to smooth out such conflicts gently. Very often, children want to do everything the other way around in order to annoy adults and contrast their values. Often a restructuring of emotions occurs, and feelings become more vivid.

Alone

Signs

Some teenagers have no or mild symptoms of the 13-year-old crisis, while others experience a dramatic change in behavior.

Relationships with others:

conflict;
opposing oneself to everyone else;
hostility;
priority is communication with peers (they run away from home, do not want to spend time with their family);
passion for virtual communication;
desire for loneliness, isolation from people (they lock themselves in their room and sit there for several hours);
confidential heart-to-heart conversations with one or two favorites chosen from the environment.

Behavior:

emotional imbalance;
frequent violations of discipline and prohibitions (refuse to perform household duties);
mood swings;
hot temper, impulsiveness;
dissatisfaction, irritation, gloominess.

Internal state:

increased level of anxiety, restlessness;
diffidence;
internal complexes;
increased demands on yourself (especially on your appearance);
low self-esteem;
restructuring of the value system;
thoughts of suicide;
intrapersonal conflicts;
intensive development of self-reflection;
increased sensitivity to criticism;
keeping a personal diary.

Cognitive abilities:

development of abstract logical thinking;
mechanical execution of exercises according to a given scheme is maintained at a high level, but not everyone copes with creative tasks (write an essay, develop a project);
passion for music, philosophy, psychology, romance novels and adventures;
decrease in educational indicators;
change of hobbies and interests.

Age psychology calls negativism the main new development of the 13-year-old crisis. The teenager perceives everything that happens, everyone around him and himself in a black light, negatively and constantly criticizes. This is due to the formation of self-reflection: he begins to evaluate his own abilities, personal qualities, shortcomings and opportunities against the background of others.

According to statistics, in 20% of cases, teenage negativism is acutely and painfully manifested by uncontrolled emotional outbursts in almost all areas of life. In this case, the child may completely drop out of the family or school for several weeks or months. In 20% of children it is completely absent. 60% of 13-year-olds are potential negativists. They begin to object and conflict only in response to a challenge from the outside (unfair grades from a teacher, betrayal of a friend, excessive prohibitions and restrictions in the family).

Psychology of a 13 year old boy

Parents should gently encourage them to make the right choice. You must try to make sure that he does not understand that you are the initiator of a useful acquaintance. A child at this age may ignore those he does not like and does not feel trust.

Psychology of a 13 year old boy:

Male education is very important during this period. That is why it is necessary for his father to communicate with him. Not only the mother is able to discuss sensitive issues, but also the father. It is necessary that trust arises from early childhood.
Only in such conditions will the child discuss masculine topics with his father. If in childhood and adolescence there is no trust between parents and child, then in adulthood such an individual will constantly shift responsibility to someone else. Often such guys become childish and not independent. The father and mother must allow the child to make his own decisions, even if he makes mistakes.
First of all, in adolescence, the father should communicate with the child not as with his son, keeping him under constant control, pointing out mistakes, but forming friendly relations. It is worth noting that at the age of 14, children in a military family are more disciplined and resilient than their peers. However, in such families a huge problem arises. This is due to the rather strict treatment of children, which often provokes a breakdown.

Restrictions

The thorny path of growing up: what happens to a teenager

By the age of twelve or thirteen, changes occur in all areas, and a crisis is brewing.

Body. The child grows, his body changes, which, due to uneven growth, often seems funny and absurd.

The child is, as it were, between two shores: childhood and adulthood.

Mood. Due to the play of hormones, the mood constantly changes: rage gives way to euphoria, resentment immediately turns into joy. Just now he was laughing at a ridiculous character on YouTube, and now he was upset to tears at his friends who forgot to invite him into the yard. Not every adult can withstand such loads.

Conflicting attitude of adults. He feels like an adult. Every being strives to become one. Parents continue to see him as a child and begin to demand adult responsibility. On the one hand: “so that I’m already home at 9”, “go now and do your homework”, “don’t communicate with Pasha anymore, I don’t like him.” On the other hand: “at your age I was already closing cans,” “what an example you are setting for your brother,” “what a big deal, but what’s the point,” “it’s time to think about the future.”

I am the mother of a teenager, and I am no longer the main person in his life

Advice for parents of a 13 year old teenager

Starting from the age of 13, teenage boys can actively engage in various sports. Accordingly, they want to be better, shape their figure, so it is necessary to adjust the amount of load.

Advice for parents of a 13-year-old teenager:

Anabolic steroids and steroids are often taken. This negatively affects the child’s health, muscle formation, and physique. During this period, active growth of muscles and bones occurs, while internal organs do not have time to grow so quickly.
Therefore, if you exercise too much, you may experience health problems. Therefore, under no circumstances should a child be dissuaded from playing sports, but it is necessary to encourage them to adjust physical activity and not take dangerous medications.
An example of parental misbehavior is punishing a child. Try to talk to him more and understand. After all, the child behaves badly for a reason; perhaps he is worried about something, he does not know how to behave.

In adolescence, a boy may be completely confused, not understanding what awaits next. Remember that punishment can make the situation worse. It is necessary to form trusting relationships and comfortable living conditions so that the child goes home, not like to hard labor, but to a place where you can share your problems. Try to be an example for your son.

Communication

Body and hormones

Behind these three phenomena, three new phenomena in the boy's behavior, there are important biological changes. Until now, his growth and development were determined, of course, by male sex hormones. Chief among them was androstenolone , produced by the adrenal cortex and testicles - a weak hormone that does not affect the sexual sphere itself. But gradually the pituitary gland begins to secrete very small doses of gonadostimulating hormone (GSH), Leydig cells grow in the boy’s testicles, and they produce the “real” sex hormone - testosterone.

In this case, the testicles increase in volume, then the skin of the scrotum darkens and becomes folded, then hair begins to grow in the groin, around the genitals and in the armpits. Experts believe that the true beginning of puberty is an increase in the volume of the testicles. Changes in the scrotum, hair growth, and deepening of the voice occur only after the growth of the testicles. Important, often painful, changes begin in the testicles, adrenal glands, musculoskeletal tissue, and cardiovascular system.

Bone growth begins to outpace muscle growth, and after a year or two, during puberty, this advance is often accompanied by unpleasant feelings of tension and irritation, distracting from school, and in some adolescents giving rise to real dysphoria : depression with shades of irritation and anger.

The growth of the heart outpaces the growth of blood vessels, causing tachycardia and increased blood pressure. All these processes in the body begin in prepuberty, but they reach the level of subjectively experienced symptoms only in the present puberty.

During these one or two years, the boy’s endocrine system produces estrogen (female hormone) in quantities slightly greater than male ones - androstenolone and testosterone. Estrogens are known to act on the brain as substances that reduce tension, anxiety, and irritability. They make the boy softer, more sociable, ready to absorb information and recommendations. It is during these years that it is absolutely necessary to accustom the child to communicate with his parents, to instill the skill of informing them about his affairs and problems, and the skill of calmly discussing his problems with his parents.

Psychology of a 14 year old boy

The most difficult relationships with a teenager are observed at the age of 13-14 years. It must be remembered that a child is a separate person, so there is no need to invest your values in him.

Psychology of a 14 year old boy:

There is also no need to force someone to do something or follow in your footsteps. The main task of an adult is to provide freedom so that the child can choose for himself what he wants to do, who he wants to become in the future.
The task of adults is to observe, guide, but at the same time smooth out rough edges, and also minimize the risk of dangerous situations. Pay attention to how a teenager behaves in company.
Is he a victim of bullying or an outcast? The main difficulty is getting the boy to talk. Often at this age, guys are very secretive and are in no hurry to share their emotions.

Communication

Physical activity

Teenagers are recommended to exercise for 60 minutes every day. Aerobic exercise should be your primary activity.

But muscle-building exercises, such as strength training, and bone-building exercises, such as jumping, are also important for good health.

If your teen isn't interested in joining a sports team, don't force it. Help her find what she really wants to do. A daily walk or bike ride, kayaking or swimming may be activities she enjoys more than team sports.

Even if your teen doesn't play sports, there are many activities that can get them moving. You can also make physical activity an activity for the whole family. Go for an evening walk after dinner or go hiking on the weekends.

Limit your teen's screen time and encourage them to spend time outside. Talk about how important it is to keep your body healthy and make it a priority to be a good role model.

Teenage boy 14 years old: advice from a psychologist

The main difficulty is that now the main authority for the child is not the parents, but classmates, grown-up guys. A teenager may feel disappointed in life and not see future prospects while watching his parents.

Teenage boy 14 years old, advice from a psychologist:

Very often guys at this age lose their incentive. They feel frustrated and threatened. Only in the company of your friends and peers can you show what you are capable of, throw out heroism, as well as aggression.
Teenagers' problems arise due to misunderstandings in family and school. If earlier he listened to the opinions of teachers and parents, now he questions absolutely everything they tell him. The main task is to convey to the teenager that he is the culprit of the incidents and is responsible for them.
Therefore, the choice lies solely with him. At the age of 14, a search for authority usually occurs. The boy finds himself a certain role model. Usually boys want to be like their idol, so their appearance, clothing style, and behavior change.

Alcohol

Beginning of adolescence

The first signs of adolescence appear at 9-13 years of age. Exactly when a boy’s physical changes will begin is influenced by genetic, internal and external factors: genetic predisposition, climate, health status, the presence of pathologies in the body, etc. Due to the huge number of factors, it is difficult to find out when the transition period will begin and end in a boy. specific child. One thing is clear: if parents communicate closely with their child and treat him attentively, they will not miss this period.

Psychology of a teenager 15 years old boy: advice to parents

If the boy is embarrassed by the appearance of dark hair above the lip, suggest removal. If the guy is not yet ready to use a razor, you can recommend waxing or sugaring.

Psychology of a teenager 15 years old boy, advice to parents:

As a result of such manipulations, hair will grow much slower, and coarse stubble will not appear, which will force you to shave constantly. Also listen to the teenager’s opinion, and be sure to make an appointment with the hairdresser. At this age, all guys want to stand out from the crowd and seem cooler than their peers. Recommend a good hairdresser and offer to show the guy the haircut he wants.
A stylish appearance significantly increases self-confidence and improves the relationship between parents and child. It is because of appearance that a large number of complexes arise. Guys often suffer from excessive hair growth.
It is worth understanding that not everyone develops in the same way, so some of their peers will experience noticeable changes; for some, maturation occurs much later. A teenager should not feel like everyone else, special, or be criticized by their peers.
During this period, there is a significant change in the child's behavior. This is due to a change in psychology due to a surge in hormones. The boy begins to feel like a separate person who needs to be listened to. Your main task is to establish a trusting relationship with him and listen to his opinion. You cannot talk about the fact that you are currently the breadwinner in the family, so the teenager must do what you say. This does not work and can cause aggression and separation of the child from adults.
During this period, the boy chooses a leader for himself, as well as people whom he imitates. Most often these are not parents. He often compares himself with his peers, trying on different roles. Don’t be opposed if your child starts to dress creatively or gets piercings or strange hairstyles. This is just a search for yourself, and a way to understand your position in society. Allow the child to do what he wants, as long as it does not harm his health or life.

Communication

How much should a thirteen-year-old child sleep and eat?

A thirteen-year-old should sleep 8-9 hours a day. Parents need to ensure that studying, going out with friends, playing computer games and other activities do not violate this rule. An irregular sleep-wake schedule causes chronic fatigue, which can affect both health and school performance.

A child’s body is actively growing and rebuilding, so it needs nutritious, regular nutrition. During the day, a teenager should eat 4-5 times (three main meals and 1-2 snacks). It is advisable to eat the most high-calorie dishes in the first half of the day, and dinner, on the contrary, should be light and easily digestible.

Daily physiological need for energy and nutrients in thirteen-year-old children:

for boys: approximately 2750 kcal (depending on the level of physical activity), 93 g protein (including 56 g animal protein), 93 g fat, 370 g carbohydrates;
for girls: about 2500 kcal (depending on the level of physical activity), 85 g of protein (including 51 g of animal protein), 85 g of fat, 340 g of carbohydrates.

Parents of girls should pay attention to changes in eating behavior associated with the menstrual cycle. Before the onset of menstruation and during menstruation, many girls have an increased craving for sweets or other certain foods. If your daughter happily eats a chocolate bar in one sitting, you need to remind her of the consequences (for example, weight gain, which many women already gain before menstruation). Replace unhealthy foods with healthy ones (fresh and dried fruits, dairy products).

Advice from a psychologist to parents of teenagers

It is necessary to listen to your son and accept his desire to grow up. It is worth listening to the child and making it clear that you seriously evaluate his emotions and experiences. At the age of 13, it is necessary to discuss with the boy certain problems that are considered to be adults.

Advice from a psychologist to parents of teenagers:

It is necessary to gradually wean yourself from perceiving your son as a child. It is worth creating an atmosphere of trust in the house. That is, the father and mother must treat their child with patience and trust.
All guys at that age should have their own space. This does not mean that it is necessary to let everything take its course and give your son complete freedom. However, it is worth remembering that the child may get tired of his surroundings.
It's best if he has his own room and time to be alone. Teach your child to say “no.” Many guys have problems with this in their teens. They want to be like their peers, go to abandoned buildings, unfinished construction sites, or engage in dangerous pastimes at train stations.
Often such teenagers cling to trains. Accordingly, it is necessary to convince the child that this is quite dangerous and it is not worth sacrificing your health, as well as your life, in order to seem the coolest among your peers.

Teenager

Recommendations for parents of teenagers

1. Interest and help. Parental support generates trusting relationships between children and parents and entails high self-esteem in adolescents, promotes academic success and moral development. Insufficient parental support, on the contrary, can lead to a child’s low self-esteem, poor academic performance, impulsive actions, poor social adaptation, unstable and antisocial behavior.

2. Parents' ability to listen, understand and empathize. The parents' inability to empathize, their lack of emotional sensitivity and understanding of the child's thoughts and feelings can lead to the development of indifference in the child. Respect for a teenager and communication between parents and him/her contribute to the establishment of harmonious relationships in the family.

3. Parental love and positive emotions in family relationships are associated with intimacy, affection, love, receptivity; family members show mutual interest and responsiveness. If negative emotions predominate in the family, then coldness, hostility, and rejection are observed, which can lead either to the predominance of the child’s need for love (in adulthood), or to the formation of isolation, coldness, and inability to express his love for loved ones, including to children.

4. Recognition and approval from parents.

5. Trust in the child. Mistrust of children usually indicates that parents are projecting their own fears, anxieties, or feelings of guilt onto them. Parents who are insecure (or who have experienced certain difficulties in the past) are more likely than others to fear for their children.

6. Treating the child as an independent and adult person. A teenager’s achievement of independence occurs in the process of individualization, when he is engaged in the formation of his own individuality and at the same time establishes new connections with his parents. The teenager tries to change his relationship with his parents, while trying to maintain the same communication, affection and trust. In order to demonstrate their own individuality, adolescents are guided by a different value system than their parents, they set themselves different goals, different interests and different points of view.

7. Guidance from parents. The most functional families are those where parents demonstrate flexibility, adaptability and tolerance in their attitudes and behavior. Parents who are not flexible in raising teenagers refuse to reconsider their views and change their point of view; they are intolerant, overly demanding, always critical and place unjustified expectations on children that are not appropriate for their age. This has a detrimental effect on the teenager’s self-esteem, suppresses the development of his personality, which ultimately leads to stressful situations in the relationship between parents and children.

8. Personal example of parents: the ability to set a good example for others to follow; follow the same principles that children are taught. Since the process of identification in adolescents partly takes place in the family, those of them who are proud of their parents, as a rule, feel quite comfortable in the world around them.

9. Collaboration with the college. If something worries you about your child’s behavior, try to meet and discuss it with the class teacher, educational psychologist, head of the educational department, and deputy director for educational work as soon as possible.

10. Be interested in who your child communicates with.

Remember: the main helpers of parents in difficult situations are patience, attention and understanding.

Conversation with a teenager in adult language

Parents often encounter the problem that in adolescence, children become more withdrawn, uncontrollable and deliberately contradict adults. This often occurs because parents are too worried about their children: their safety, or, for example, their academic performance. But children have already grown up and are learning to take responsibility for their decisions.

Teenagers would like to ask their parents for advice on how best to implement their own ideas and decisions. They want to communicate with their parents “as equals.” But often parents, worried about their children, try to control all the actions of teenagers. Children, counting on the help of their parents, are faced with many prohibitions and perceive this as mistrust. Therefore, it is necessary and very important to find the strength within yourself to recognize that your teenager has already grown up and is worthy of speaking to you in “adult language.”

Recommendations for parents

Of course, everything depends on the specific situation and the method of influencing a teenager must be selected individually. We offer several options:

• Create a non-standard situation when the teenager expects resistance and distrust on your part, and in return receives sincerity and help in resolving his issues.

• Support one of the teenager’s hobbies, show interest in hobbies and hobbies.

• Establish a family tradition where the family, getting together in the evening, shares the events that happened to each of them during the day.

Advice from a psychologist to parents of teenagers

• Appreciate your children's frankness and be sincerely interested in their problems.

• Communicate as equals; the tone of the order will not work in your favor. Make it clear that you understand them.

• You cannot make fun of them, ridicule feelings, belittling their significance. Try to treat your children with respect, remember their vulnerability and vulnerability.

• Don't be irritated or aggressive, be calm and restrained. Remember that your rudeness will cause them to react.

• Do not talk about the object of your child's passion in a dismissive, insulting tone, thereby you will humiliate him.

• In no case should you rudely and categorically break off relations between teenagers, because they are just learning to communicate with each other and most often do not even think about anything bad.

• Invite his (her) girlfriend (friend) to your place and get to know him - this will allow you to get an objective, more believable, and not unfounded, idea of who your child is dating. It is better if you allow them to meet at your home so that they do not have to look for random and dubious dating shelters.

• Tell them about yourself, your story of first love - this will help you find mutual understanding with your child.

• If you are able to establish friendly relations with him, you will have the opportunity not only to control his behavior, but also to influence his actions.

• Remember that, on the one hand, a teenager is in dire need of parental help when faced with many problems, and on the other hand, he strives to protect his inner world of intimate experiences from unceremonious and rude intrusion, and he has every right to do so.

Tips for parents

1. Agree with the anxiety and displeasure. This is an age full of contradictions and anxiety. There is nothing abnormal in the fact that a teenager’s behavior is changeable and unpredictable, that he rushes from one extreme to another, loves his parents and hates them at the same time, etc.

2. Avoid trying to appear too understanding. Avoid statements such as “I understand exactly how you feel.” Teenagers are sure that they are unique, unique in their own way. Their feelings are something new and personal even for themselves. They see themselves as complex and mysterious beings, and they are genuinely upset when others make their experiences seem simple and naive.

3. Distinguish between consent and permission, tolerance and authorization. Parents can tolerate undesirable behavior of children (for example, a new hairstyle) - that is, actions that were not sanctioned or encouraged by parents.

4. Talk and act like an adult. Don't compete with your teenager by behaving like him using youth slang. Teenagers deliberately adopt a lifestyle that is different from that of their parents, and this is also part of the process of developing their personality. This is how their departure from their parents begins.

5. Be encouraging and supportive of your teen's strengths. Limit comments related to the bad aspects of the teenager's character. Reminders of shortcomings can greatly slow down communication between a teenager and a parent. The multi-step task of a parent is to create the kind of relationships and provide the adolescent with such life experiences that will strengthen character and create personality.

6. Avoid emphasizing weaknesses. When others discover character weaknesses, the teenager feels pain. And if the cause of this pain is the parents, then it does not go away longer.

7. Help your teenager think for himself. Don't increase your dependence on you. Speak in language that will help develop independence: “It’s your choice,” “Decide this issue yourself,” “You can be responsible for this,” “It’s your decision.” Parents should encourage their children to make their own decisions and teach them to doubt the correctness of the opinions of their peers.

8. Truth and compassion give birth to love. Take your time to clarify facts that you think have been distorted. Parents who are quick to punish will not teach you to respect the truth. Some parents are too quick to report exactly where, when and why they were right. Teenagers often respond to such statements with stubbornness and anger. Thus, sometimes the truth turns into a deadly weapon for family relationships if the only goal is to get to the bottom of the truth.

9. Respect the need for privacy and privacy. This principle requires some distance, which may seem impossible for some parents.

10. Avoid loud phrases and sermons. Try talking instead of lecturing. Avoid statements like “When I was your age...”, “It hurt me more than it hurt you...”.

11. Don't give labels. “You are stupid and lazy. You'll never achieve anything." This “hanging” leads to the fact that the prediction comes true by itself. After all, children tend to conform to what their parents think of them.

12. Avoid ambiguous statements. A parent's message to a teenager should contain one piece of information: a clear prohibition, friendly permission, or an open opportunity to make a choice.

13. Avoid extremes: giving complete freedom is as wrong as “tightening the screws.”

14. Keep your sense of humor.

Parents of teenagers should know that...

The following characterological reactions are typical for adolescents:

• The emancipation reaction manifests itself in the desire to free itself from the tutelage and control of elders. It can be expressed in a persistent desire to always and everywhere do things “one’s way”, in violation of the orders and rules established by elders. Overprotection from elders, petty control, and deprivation of minimal independence and freedom can contribute to the aggravation of this reaction.

• The reaction of opposition can be caused by excessive claims to the child, an unbearable load for him - the requirement to be an excellent student, to succeed in language classes, music, etc. But more often this reaction is a consequence of the loss or sharp decrease in the usual attention from loved ones. The manifestations of opposition reactions among adolescents are very diverse - from skipping classes and running away from home to suicide attempts, most often demonstrative. For this purpose, deliberate flaunting of alcoholism or drug use can be used. All these demonstrations seem to say: “Pay attention to me - otherwise I will disappear!”

• The compensation reaction is the desire to compensate for one’s weakness and failure in one area with success in another. A sickly, physically weak boy compensates for his weakness with excellent academic success, allowing him to gain authority among his peers. Conversely, difficulties in learning can be compensated for by “brave” behavior, leadership in behavior violations, and in the worst case, participation in asocial companies and committing crimes.

• Overcompensation reaction. Here they persistently and persistently achieve high results precisely in the area where they are weak. It is precisely because of overcompensation that shy and timid teenagers, when choosing sports, give preference to brute force - boxing, sambo, and a teenager who suffers from a stutter enthusiastically devotes himself to literary reading and performs at amateur concerts.

• Reaction of grouping with peers. Teenagers have a strong need for their own identity and belonging to a group. Teenagers do not yet have a clearly conscious “Image of Self” and often feel more secure among their own kind. The feeling of “I” is still difficult to isolate from “We” - teenagers become members of various informal organizations. The group becomes the main regulator of behavior for a teenager. This may explain the well-known fact that the vast majority of offenses among adolescents are committed in a group. There is a pattern: the younger the teenager’s age, the larger the group composition. As they grow older, the number of group members decreases. At the age of 16-18 years the group consists of 2-3 people.

Memo to parents of difficult-to-educate teenagers

• Approach the problem of a “difficult” child, first of all, from the perspective of understanding the difficulties of the child himself.

• Don't forget that the child is to some extent our reflection. Without understanding the reasons for his difficulty and eliminating them, we will not be able to help the child. Rise above your own problems to see your child's problems.

• Take a philosophical approach to difficulties in parenting. They always happen. You should not think that there are “easy” children. Raising a child is always difficult, even under the most optimal conditions and opportunities.

• Beware of panic and fatalism. They are bad parenting companions. Don’t get used to fanning the fire of trouble from the spark of every difficult situation. Don't judge your child poorly because of some bad deed. Do not turn failure in one task into complete failure for the child.

• Finally, be optimistic! (I have a difficult child, but I believe in his perspective; we have many problems, but I see them, and a correctly posed problem is already half solved).

Recommendations for parents of "difficult" teenagers"

• Praise your child for good behavior in the same way that you point out mistakes and negative behavior. Encouragement will reinforce in his mind the idea of correct action.

• Try to praise your child for any change for the better in his behavior, even if it is very minor.

• Remember that by using praise more often, you help your child develop self-confidence.

• Try to teach your child how to correct a wrong behavior. Talk to your child in a tone of respect and cooperation.

• Involve your child in the decision-making process.

• Remember that you are a model of correct behavior for your child.

• You cannot expect a child to do something that he cannot do.

• Refrain from statements that the child is not suitable for anything, from rudeness in the style of “scoundrel, clueless.” Evaluate the act itself, not the person who committed it.

• Take every opportunity to show your child your love.

• Listen to your child and try to understand his point of view, you don’t have to agree with him, but thanks to the attention you showed him, he feels like a full and worthy participant in events.

Remember that the child is more willing to obey the rules in the establishment of which he took part.

"Difficult teenager." What should parents do?

To avoid leading your relationship with your teenager to a dead end, pay attention to the following tips:

• Notice even minor changes in the teenager’s behavior, since at first antisocial behavior appears sporadically, situationally. Later, deviations occur more often, positive qualities cease to dominate, but remain. And finally, antisocial behavior becomes a habit.

• Do not abuse punishments and prohibitions. Find the reason or reasons for the teenager's behavior. Remember that your child needs an individual approach.

• Speak to your child, avoiding harsh language. Talk to him, explain, but don’t put conditions on him, don’t immediately demand ideal behavior. Introduce comprehensive changes to the teenager’s daily routine, society, and leisure time.

• It is necessary to find the strengths or, better to say, qualities of a teenager and use them correctly, develop them, giving him feasible tasks.

• Strengthen your teenager's cognitive interest. Involve your son or daughter in different activities, but keep the situation under constant control.

• You need to believe in the child - this is the main thing! It is of great importance for a difficult teenager to experience happiness and joy from success. This is the greatest incentive for self-improvement.

What should NOT be done with a teenager?

• Do not allow your teenager to disrespect you or be rude towards him.

• Do not demand immediate and blind obedience, do not use threats or humiliate children.

• Do not start conversations with accusations and do not interrupt when the child explains his actions.

• Don't bribe your teenager or force him to promise not to do something you don't like.

• Do not deviate from the rules and traditions introduced in the family, except in unusual cases.

• Do not be jealous of your son or daughter’s friends, welcome them into your home and try to get to know each other better.

• Don’t give a negative assessment to the object of your teenager’s attention, even if you don’t like the choice.

How to raise a boy without a father: advice from psychologists

Particular attention must be paid to adolescents who grow up in the company of only one mother, without a father. Very often in such families there are two extremes. The mother constantly controls the child, becomes fixated on him, and tries to take out her anger because of personal failures. Often, excessive guardianship makes a child dependent. Usually such children become objects of ridicule and bullying by their peers. They are very helpless and do not know how to stand up for themselves.

How to raise a boy without a father, advice from psychologists:

Remember, under no circumstances should you openly express your dissatisfaction and take it out on your child. In this case, he will feel like a burden, guilty of all his mother’s problems. Typically, such teenagers withdraw and are subject to the bad influence of their peers.
If a mother is offended by her father, she should under no circumstances turn the child against him. It is necessary to communicate with the child on equal terms, not to be a mother and father at the same time. In this case, it will be difficult for a teenager to understand what a real woman and man should be like.
In a family where there is no father, it is necessary to find appropriate authority for the child. This could be a family friend, a cousin or uncle, or one of the relatives who often visits the family.

Communication

Advice for a teenage boy

Children themselves suffer from the changes that happen to them, painfully experiencing growing up.

Advice for a teenage boy:

In order not to refuse your peers, shift the blame to your parents. Accordingly, if you are afraid to say “no”, or do not want to feel like an outcast, say what your parents forbade. This will prevent you from getting into an unpleasant situation.
Always count to 10 if you want to say something offensive or do something unexpected.
For facts and explanations, turn to your parents.
Your parents were teenagers too, so don't be afraid to ask them for help.
Choose the right and understandable words for conversations with adults. Sometimes parents don't understand youth slang.
Maintain hygiene and cleanliness. During this period, sweating increases and acne may occur.
Don't ignore communication with your peers. But if you don't support their hobbies, or consider their activities dangerous, go home.
Don't shirk your homework and physical labor. This strengthens and prepares for adult life.
Take care of your health. How you feel directly affects your appearance. At first it may seem that there is enough health for children and grandchildren, but this is not so.
Listen to the opinions of your parents and friends, but do as you see fit.

Online correspondence

What should a thirteen-year-old child know and be able to do?

At the age of 13, a teenager can:

Keep order in the house and your room without reminders.
Take care of your own appearance and maintain hygiene.
Help adults (housework, caring for younger children in the family).
Handle money.
Prepare simple meals.
Communicate culturally with peers and elders.
Act correctly in emergency situations.
Navigate the terrain in your city (district).

Advice from a psychologist on how to help a teenager

At the age of 11-13 years there may be first attempts to try tobacco and alcohol. It is necessary to give the child freedom, but still control his circle of friends. If one of them drinks or smokes, try to gently explain to the child that this is not the best way to spend time. It is very difficult at this age to control their pastime, since they spend most of the day at school. Accordingly, at this time they can communicate with friends.

Advice from a psychologist on how to help a teenager:

Starting from the age of nine, it is best to come up with additional activities for the child to minimize the amount of free time. It has been proven that teenagers whose time is not controlled by their parents are unoccupied and often find themselves in unpleasant situations and bad company. Conversely, children who spend almost all their free time playing sports and attending clubs are less susceptible to peer influence, since they do not have time to think about bad things.
It is necessary for a teenager to have a hobby that calms him down and helps him achieve a state of balance. These can be mental and physical activities. Perhaps this is running your own blog or website on YouTube.
You cannot insist and force a teenager to do something specific. He must make his own choice. Remember that the child is not a copy of you, so he is not obliged to follow the instructions. It is necessary to assign certain household responsibilities to the teenager. This could be washing the floor, cleaning rooms.

Relationships
Here you can also read advice on various topics, for example :

How to win people over?
How to love a man correctly?
How to deal with stress and depression?
Why is it important to be able to forgive people?
My husband beats me, what should I do in this situation?

You cannot exploit a child and shift your work to him. However, a teenager must understand that he is a member of the family and has certain responsibilities. He is responsible for his actions, so he can choose what he will do.

Other milestones

By this age, many teenagers have their own social media accounts and can communicate with their friends in private. For some teenagers, this brings a sense of relief because they often talk to their friends a little differently than they talk to their parents.

For other 13-year-olds, electronic communication means added pressure. They may feel obligated to join in conversations to be accepted by their peers, or they may feel like their friends are having more fun than them when they look at photos on social media.