How to reassure a friend in a difficult situation. How to support a friend

A friend is a person who is sometimes much closer to the person closest to her. There are times when words of consolation need to be spoken to her. However, not everyone knows what words to say to support her, what format to choose.

This article contains words of support for a friend in difficult times in prose that are suitable for the most difficult moments of life.

Universal

In my own words
* * * I want you to know that even in this moment you are not alone. There are many like you. So many. You just don't know each other. And this confirms the fact that it can be survived! * * * To reach the goal, you must first go. If something happens, it means you are not standing still. This is just an event that happened along the road of life. Nothing just happens. * * * The biggest mistake you can make in life is the constant fear of making mistakes. * * * Life is not suffering. It's just that you suffer from it, instead of living and enjoying it. * * * There is no point in looking for a place where you will feel good. It makes sense to learn how to create this well anywhere. * * *

* * * When you feel very bad, raise your head. You will definitely see the sunshine. * * * When you really want something, the whole Universe will help make your wish come true. * * * You can only see what you believe in. Believe it and you will see. * * * To hell with everyone who doesn’t believe in you. Remember once and for all: self-confidence is the main incentive to achieve your goal. * * * If you don’t believe in yourself, you won’t achieve anything. Therefore, avoid those who make you doubt your own abilities. * * * Do not waste your thoughts, emotions and feelings on unworthy people. * * * By helping others you improve your own life.

In verse

* * * While we are alive, we can fix everything... Realize everything, repent... Forgive. Do not take revenge on your enemies, do not be disingenuous on your loved ones, bring back the friends that you pushed away... While we are alive, we can look back... See the path from which we left. Having woken up from terrible dreams, push away from the abyss to which you have approached. While we are alive... How many have managed to stop loved ones from leaving? We didn’t have time to forgive them during our lifetime, but we couldn’t ask for forgiveness. When they go into silence, To a place from which there is definitely no return, Sometimes a few minutes are enough to understand - oh God, how guilty we are... And the photo is a black and white movie. Tired eyes - a familiar look. They have already forgiven us a long time ago For being around too rarely, For not calling, not meeting, not being warm. Not faces in front of us, just shadows... And how many times the wrong things were said, And about the wrong things, and with the wrong phrases. A tight pain - the final touch of guilt - Scratching, plaguing the skin with cold. For everything we haven't done for them, They forgive. We ourselves cannot... * * * When a tear drips from pain...

You sit quietly in silence... Close your eyes, and realizing that you are tired... Tell yourself in private... I will be happy! Through thick and thin! * * * Yes, everyone is missing something... For some reason the snow is melting quickly, Then the morning comes late, Then there are not enough warm days. There's always something missing. But, living the rest of my days, Suddenly I see that there is no shortage of anything... just not enough years to stop being angry at life and enjoy it. * * * You don’t need to live to get to heaven, but you need to create heaven! Do not slander, do not betray, and do not steal the lives of others. It happens that an atheist, in his conscience, is closer to God than an artist, who is in a cassock for people... Since God is in the heart, then heaven is in the soul! And if it’s dark there, then you won’t be able to get into heaven anyway…

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to myself

Photo from the site alzheimerssocietyofamerica.org
From everything I read in various sources myself and what my virtual interlocutors shared with me, I formulated several questions for myself that I try to ask myself when I want to support someone:

How much of an expert do I consider myself on another person’s life? Do I think I know how he should live? Do I think that he himself doesn’t know how he should live, but I know better?
Do I think that person is stupid, lazy, or banned from Google? Do I think that he chose bad doctors and is not able to distinguish a bad doctor from a good one?
Do I think that everything that a person did until I appeared so beautiful in a white coat was wrong?
Do I feel that I cannot bear that a person feels bad (and may feel bad for a long time), and I strive to “fix” him as quickly as possible so that I feel better, and at the same time I grab onto the first idea that comes across in the information field, without having bothered to figure it out?
Do I think that because a person is in pain and bad, he has ceased to be an adult, has become stupid, has lost the ability to understand what is best for him and make decisions?
Do I consider myself entitled to explain to a person what God, fate, karma, etc. wants from him? Do I think that I have access to intimate knowledge about this?
Do I believe that this person has an obligation to report to me about his condition and whether he follows my recommendations, advice and directions?
Do I think that a person who is sick and unwell, and from whom no one has relieved responsibility for his life and work, should spend time and effort educating me (obviously banned from Google) about his illness?
Do I think that a person has no right to feel what he feels, and in general, I know that he feels, in fact, not what he thinks he feels? (oh how I wrapped it)
Do I think that a person should be forever grateful to me for the fact that I am here trying to help him and support him?
Do I think that if I am upset, scared and upset because of a person’s illness, he himself should console me in these upset feelings of mine?

Losing a loved one

Parents

* * * Hold on! In memory of my mother. She wouldn't want to see you in despair. * * * The death of the closest person is an irreparable grief. I understand how difficult it is for you. Be strong in spirit. * * * The bright memory of her is forever in our hearts. She was a good person, you need to continue to carry out her mission. * * * We sincerely mourn and sympathize with you at this bitter moment. * * * We will carry the bright and kind memory of him throughout our lives.

child

* * * Accept my condolences! There has never been anything more expensive or closer than him and there never will be. But in yours and in our hearts he will remain a young, strong, full of life man. Everlasting memory! Hold on!

* * * My condolences to you! You need to find the strength to survive these most difficult moments and difficult days. In our memory he will remain forever a good person! * * * Let me express my most sincere condolences on the occasion of this severe, irreparable loss! * * * For all of us, he will remain an example of love of life. And may his love for life illuminate the emptiness and grief of loss for you, and help you survive the time of farewell. We mourn with you in difficult times and will remember him forever! * * * It is very bitter to lose loved ones and relatives, but it is doubly difficult when the young, beautiful and strong leave us. May God rest his soul! * * * I would like to find words to somehow ease your pain, but are there such words on earth at all? Hold on for the sake of blessed memory. Everlasting memory!

Husband/wife

* * * Love does not die, the memory of it will always illuminate your heart. Just believe it! * * * A loved one does not die, but simply ceases to be around. In your memory, in your soul, your love will be eternal! Be strong! * * * The past cannot be returned, but the bright memory of this love will remain with you for the rest of your life. Be strong! * * * I mourn with you at this difficult moment. But for the sake of the children, for the sake of loved ones, we need to get through these sorrowful days. Invisibly, he will always be there - in the soul and in our eternal memory of this bright man.

Relatives

* * * My condolences! It hurts to think about it, it's hard to talk about. I sympathize with your pain! Everlasting memory! * * * It’s little consolation, but know that we are with you in the grief of loss and sincerely sympathize with your entire family! Everlasting memory! * * * Please accept my sincere condolences! What a man! Just as she lived modestly and quietly, she left humbly, as if a candle had gone out. May she rest in heaven!

Friends

* * * I know he meant a lot to you. They say that heaven takes the best. Let's believe in it and pray for his soul! * * * You were like sisters, I understand your feelings. I want to share this grief with you. How can I help you? You can always count on my support. * * * He was a good man. I understand how difficult it is for you now. Time heals wounds, you must be strong for your best friend. he wouldn't want you to become limp. * * * I am very sorry that this happened. I'm truly sorry! You hold on. Your friend is looking at you from the sky. Make him proud of you. For the sake of your friendship.

When parting

When breaking up with a guy

Dear, breaking up a relationship is always stressful! And you know very well that any stress can be treated with chocolate and wine. Therefore, there is no reason for sadness, remember - everything that is done is for the better. Soon you will meet someone on your way who will pick you up and never let you go! Well, while we're waiting for him, get ready and let's go treat your stress!

Sunny, you have two paths that you can choose in this situation. The first is to lock yourself at home and water the flowers with your tears until they dry up. The second is to raise your hand high, lower it sharply and say: “everything passes and this will pass!” Going first, you will have to constantly mark time, turn back, look for problems in yourself. If you go second, you will forever leave the past in order to go only forward to new adventures.

Do I really see tears on your charming face? Did some goat really get into your garden and break everything and mix it up? If this is so, then I can say for sure that the only person who won is now sitting in front of me. Is it possible to love someone who doesn’t respect you? Do you really want to look into your beloved eyes and see emptiness there? Fate helped you and made you wiser, so let’s thank her and move on!

When separating from your husband

Divorce is not the end of life, but its beginning. Providence has prepared a serious test for you to make you stronger, wiser, more beautiful. I would like to note that this test was not in vain - now I see before me a woman who knows her worth and what she wants to get from life. In addition, now there is no need to think about who is spitting on you from a high bell tower. Soon everything will change for the better, you just need to believe!

My dear, now you understand that there is no one-sided love? You can’t love someone who looks down on you, you don’t have to expect that one day he will change and come running with words of apology. Each person is given a chance, which he manages himself. Your beloved could not do this, which means he was not created for you. Let him go his own way and be happy, and we will go ours to find love in another heart.

A person needs to part with dignity. Let your heart hurt, let your soul scream, but you need to gather all your will into a fist and say that now you have different roads. Only by parting with the past can you begin to build the future. Sunny, there is no love without respect, just as there is no intimacy without reciprocity. I understand that this is a serious step, but it is what you need to do to become happy. One day you will meet a person who will understand that your souls are one, and your destinies must unite forever. This will be your man!

Disease

Addressee

* * * God does not send such trials to man that he cannot survive. This means you can and will definitely cope with this. I believe! * * * Listen to the advice of doctors and take care of yourself. For the sake of a happy future and people who care about you. * * * I'm sorry about what happened. Remember, you can always count on me. * * * The soul would not have a rainbow if the eyes did not have tears. You can handle it. * * * Everything will be fine. You will get better and life will be filled with bright colors, remember: after a black stripe there is always a white one! * * * Believe in your recovery, because a good mood and optimism can play an important role. Everything will be fine! It cannot be otherwise! * * * It may be bad now, but then everything will be fine. Everything will change and the pain will go away. God will give you the strength to endure everything, don’t lose hope, hold on. * * * Think about the good, believe in recovery, do not succumb to the disease, fight! It's difficult, but you have to stick with it! We love you and believe that together we will definitely overcome the disease.

Recipient's loved one

* * * He (she) will definitely recover, you just need to believe and not lose hope. * * * Everything will be fine! We are always there. If you need help, please contact us. * * * Think only about the good! The illness will pass, he (she) will recover. It won't always be bad. You just have to wait. * * * We will pray for him (her), and you hold on! * * * God does not send trials that a person cannot survive. And she can do it! We are sure of it! If you need our help, please contact us. Let's do our best and everything will work out!

How to support a person from a distance: 3 ways to be close

Relatives and friends sometimes find themselves at a great distance from us and it is not always possible to come to them to console them. But there is a mobile phone, instant messengers, social networks where it is easy to express your support and understanding.

Phone conversation . Although messengers have recently been replacing regular telephone conversations, it is still good to resort to them when you are at a long distance and the connection is failing. Warm words, a familiar voice, a calm tone of conversation will give strength and faith to anyone.
Emails and social networks . You can’t say everything over the phone and not always, but you can write much more in a letter. In it you can not only say words of support, but also say what you think about the current situation and give advice. Communication on VK, Facebook and other social networks will also help.
Messengers . Telegram, Whatsapp, Viber made fast communication possible. You can quickly write a message, make a call, or send a short recording of your voice. Sometimes a simple emoticon is enough for a person to understand that he is not alone in his grief.

When you see that a friend or relative needs your presence, you can make a video call. Skype will be very helpful in this case. A conversation on Skype will give your friend or relative the effect of your presence, which is extremely important for him. Also tell him that he can come at any time and that you are ready to support him.

Treason

husband

* * * Everything in life is for the better, only we understand this over time. The pain will subside, and you will look at the world with different eyes. And then there will be much more worthy people nearby! * * * Darling, everything will pass, everything will work out. I know you are a strong woman, you can handle this. He turned out to be unworthy of you. Find the strength to survive this pain. And believe me, all good things are ahead! * * * Everything will be alright. You are a self-sufficient and smart woman. Collect the pain into a fist and throw it away along with all the memories. * * * Start your life with a clean slate, don’t think about the past. This can be learned. You can do it!

If a close friend has a similar situation, for example, find out and help her with practical advice.

Wives

* * * A woman does not cheat with her body, she cheats with her soul - remember these words. Why do you need a person who betrayed you? Find the strength to survive this with dignity. And the faster you do this, the faster something good will come knocking in life. * * * When leaving, you need to leave! Find the strength not to return to the place where you were once betrayed. If you need moral support, you can always contact me. I think you deserve better treatment! * * * Respect yourself and understand that you are not on the same path with this person. She doesn't deserve respect. Forgive her, let her go and make room next to you for a more worthy woman.

Find out and help the man make the right decision.

guy

Life filters people who are not worthy of you. Be grateful to the higher powers that they take care of you and remove from your life those who will not make you happy. It's difficult for you right now, that's normal. But over time you will be convinced that everything is only for the better. * * * Don’t be upset, this is not the last man on Earth. * * * He doesn’t deserve your suffering, be strong. * * * You are beautiful, interesting and smart, so therefore you are not in danger of loneliness. * * * I will always support you, you deserve better. Remember this, and don't humiliate yourself.

Girls

* * * Consider that in this way, forces from above filter people you don’t need. Head higher and forward, the light did not converge on it like a wedge. * * * You are a strong guy, you will be able to erase her from your life. I will always support you! * * * You are a good guy, it’s her own fault that she didn’t value you. * * * Everything will be fine, the girls will hang themselves on your neck, you’re a macho!

In verse

* * * How people’s lives filter. Have you noticed? But she is smarter and wiser, Yesterday we slept in the same bed, Today she is not even among friends. * * * In someone else’s glass, the mash is stronger. Someone else's wife has bigger breasts. When we are half a step away from the abyss, our loved ones no longer need us. I realized one of the truths is that a pig will find dirt everywhere. There aren't enough bullets to shoot at the rats that are running away from the ship.

To the one who changed

* * * Don't blame yourself for what happened. It is human nature to make mistakes. Let this mistake teach you a great lesson: every sunset is the beginning of a new, bright dawn. * * * I don’t blame you, and I don’t support you. After this you didn't become a bad person, you just made a mistake. Don't try to fix the problem, try to fix your thoughts, and then, I'm sure, the problem will solve itself. * * * You won't be able to forget this. But you can stop blaming yourself, and then you will think about it less often. * * * There are reasons for everything, and I’m sure you had them too. Do not blame yourself. The one who really cares about you will not reject you even after what happened, and will give you the opportunity to explain. The important thing is that you sincerely regret it and have made the right conclusions. There are many examples in the world where, after betrayal, people really begin to appreciate each other and are more afraid of losing than those who remain faithful. The first ones faced the problem head-on and can assess all the risks. I wish everything gets better!

“You don’t look sick!”

The implication is: “You look great! I’m giving you a compliment to make you happy.”

You can hear: “You’re a malingerer, you’re not really sick, I know what truly sick people look like. Now you will have to prove to me that you are sick and feel unwell.”

What you could try saying instead: “You look great today. How does that make you feel?”

2. “Can’t come today again?” / “Do you have a good reason again today?”

Implied: “I am very sorry that your illness does not allow you to live the life you want.”

You can hear: “I’m disappointed in you, I’m already bored, I won’t invite you anywhere else.”

What can you try to say instead: “Let’s tentatively plan to meet on Friday, and if you can’t get out of the house, then I’ll come to you, or we’ll reschedule.”

3. “I know how you feel.”

Meaning: “I can imagine how hard this might be for you right now.”

You can hear: “I don’t care how you really feel, I’m rushing to conclusions, I don’t want to pay attention to you and delve into it.”

What you can try to say instead: “Help me understand what is happening to you, how the disease affects you”

4. “Tell me if you need anything.”

Implied: “I am always ready to help”

It is heard: “I will not take the initiative to help you. And, in general, I don’t care that it’s difficult for you to formulate what kind of help you might need, and that it’s difficult and awkward for you to ask for help yourself.”

What can you say instead: “I’m going grocery shopping / to the pharmacy / to the hardware store. What should I bring you?

5. “Well, at least it’s not ___________ (most often “cancer”)”

To understand how tactless this sounds, you can imagine the opposite situation, as if you came to a person who has been diagnosed with cancer and told him: “Well, at least it’s not Huntington’s disease or amyotrophic lateral sclerosis...”) Disease is not a “who is worse” competition.

Implied: “I am very afraid that something terrible might happen to you, and I want to believe that it will not happen to you. I have my fears, and when I hear that what you have is not what I am afraid of, I feel relieved.”

One hears: “I devalue your suffering, you have no right to complain and ask for attention, you do not deserve help and consolation.”

What can you say instead: “I understand that you are probably very scared right now, sometimes a lot of dark thoughts come to your mind. What helps you cope? I'm with you no matter what happens."

Photo from familydoctor.org

6. “You are strong, you can handle it! You’ll see, everything will be fine again soon” or “Everything will be fine, I found out!”

The implication is: “I want to believe that this difficult period will pass and your health will return.”

You can hear: “I’ll leave now, because it’s too hard for me to be with you when you feel bad, and you’ll have to cope on your own.”

Instead, it is better to say: “I am with you, no matter what happens.”

7. “My deskmate’s cousin had the same disease, he drank water with lemon in the morning, and now everything is fine.”

The implication is: “I really want to believe that what you have is curable, and that you can find a simple remedy that will help you feel better.”

You can hear: “I don’t want to take what’s happening to you seriously, I’m not ready to be with you when you feel bad, so I need you to feel good quickly.”

Instead, it’s better to say, “I’m really sorry that things are so hard right now. I would really like to do something to make it at least a little easier. What can I do for you now? What’s better - to listen, try to distract, something else?”

8. “I couldn’t live like this / I would die”

The implication is: “Living with an illness requires enormous strength and courage from you.”

One hears: “A life like yours is not worth living, there is nothing valuable in it, die.”

Instead, it is better to say: “I really sympathize that it takes so much effort to survive. And I understand that there are many important things that you want to do and try to do, despite your illness. Let's talk about it if you want?"

9. “Get well!”

(addressed to a person with a chronic disease - especially incurable and progressive)

This means: “I really want you to feel better soon.”

Heard: “I don’t believe that you have a serious chronic illness, and I believe that changing your condition for the better is your responsibility, you don’t get better simply because it’s profitable for you to be sick.”

Instead, it is better to say: “I hug you carefully, if you allow me? May you feel better soon. I’ll be in your area the day after tomorrow, I’ll call you when I pass by the store, I’ll buy it, whatever you say.”

Photo from massgeneralcancercenterpx.org

10. “God does not give a person more than he can bear.”

The implication is: “I know you feel very bad, but I believe that you have the strength to get through this difficult time.”

You hear: “You get what’s fair, God needs you to suffer for some reason, I’m an expert on what God has planned for your life, and I don’t care whether you believe in God as much as I do or not.”

Instead, it is better to say: “I am very sorry that this is such a difficult time. I'm with you. Let’s discuss - now or later if now is not the right time - what I can do to make it at least a little easier for you during this difficult period.”

11. “You just need... (go outside more often, drink more water, smile, etc.)”

The implication is, “I really wish there was something simple I could do that would make you feel better.”

You can hear: “I haven’t delved into the specifics of your illness (and I don’t want to, because I don’t see the point in it), but I consider myself an expert on how to live correctly, and I also consider you an idiot who didn’t figure out on his own what he should do better to feel better.”

Instead, it’s better: “I read about your disease on the Internet, and some things became clearer to me, but many things became more unclear. And I understand that different people with the same diagnosis have different experiences. Can I ask you about something that makes you feel better?”

12. “Illness is a message from your soul telling you that you are not fulfilling your destiny” or “God is trying to teach you something”

The implication is, “I want you to be healed; I don’t understand why this happened in your life, and I want to find the answer to this riddle so that health can return to you.”

It is heard: “I am an expert on what you need to do and how to live. You live wrong, so you deserve to get sick. It's your fault that you're sick."

Instead: “If this is not too personal a question and you would like to talk about it sometime, I would be very interested to know what you consider especially important in life now that you have been ill? What would you like me to also learn to see and understand?”

13. “It’s good for you, you don’t have to go to work.”

The implication is: “I want to cheer you up, help you find the positive aspects of your situation.”

It is heard: “I cannot imagine and do not want to imagine and delve into what it is like to live with such pain and fatigue that you cannot leave the house, these endless painful hours, loneliness - and the poverty associated with the inability to work.”

Instead, it’s better: “Sitting at home all the time is probably sad and lonely sometimes?.. What supports and pleases you, how do you fill your time to make it easier for your body and soul? Do you want me to bring you or send you (something that makes you happy)?”

14. “Hold on!”

It means: “Take care of yourself, take care of yourself, unfortunately, you will have difficult times ahead for quite a long time, you are important and dear to me, I love you, I really want you to survive and cope.”

One hears: “You are alone in this, you have no right to show weakness, uncertainty, confusion, if you “fall to pieces,” no one will need you like that.”

Instead, it’s better: “I’m very sorry that this situation happened. I understand that it will not be resolved quickly (although I would like to, of course). Tell me, will it be somehow useful and supportive if I write to you every day in the chat, for example, and ask how you are and why you are doing great today - or send me kind pictures, or both? And I can always whine, so if you need to whine, come and whine, dear.”

Photo from dyingmatters.org

15. “I read on the Internet that vitamin C is very helpful for your illness.”

The implication is: “I’m thinking about you, I really want to help you to make it easier.”

It is interpreted: “She thinks that I was banned from Google, and that I am so weak, childish and stupid that I didn’t look for information myself and don’t know anything about my illness.”

Instead, it’s better: “I really want to help you with something to make you feel better, and I’m trying to figure out how your illness is generally treated. I did some reading, but I understand that everyone gets sick differently. I can’t stop looking for options on how to help you, but I don’t want to impose my findings if they are not needed. If you are interested in my findings, can you tell me what the doctors recommend to you, what you tried works, what doesn’t work, and what you haven’t tried and won’t?” (This is an option if you are close enough people.)

16. “It’s too early for you to have this disease!”

The implication is: “I’m very sorry that at this age you already have the symptoms that we see more often in older people, I’m very sorry that the disease is robbing you of opportunities.”

It is heard: “You have no right to feel what you feel. Or are you lying, because at your age such symptoms don’t happen, I know, I know everything, I’m an expert.”

Instead, it’s better: “I’m sorry that you have this disease... I don’t really understand how it affects you, what is difficult for you now. Explain to me? I want to know how best to help you.”

17. “Did this happen because you (not) _____________?”

Implicit: “I want to know that I and my loved ones are safe. Tell me how I can protect them and myself as much as possible from such a disease?”

You can hear: “It’s your own fault that this happened to you, now get over it.”

Instead, it's better to say, “I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm here, I'm close."

18. “Come on, look, Stephen Hawking/Nick Vujicic (any celebrity with a serious illness or disability) lives the same way!”

It means: “I want to somehow cheer you up, to say that you have many resources and opportunities in life, I believe that a lot depends on your life position and attitude.”

One hears: “You are an egoist, your suffering is insignificant and does not deserve attention, you must be “positive” all the time, because it’s easier for me this way with you, you must be a hero, and if you are not a hero, then this is not interesting, you are not I also coped with being a “proper patient”.”

Instead, it’s better: “I understand that sometimes it’s terribly difficult and disgusting for you to be sick, you get very tired of it. It's okay to stop sometimes and give yourself a break. Do you want me to hug you (at least virtually)? Let’s sit together in this dark time, and then it will definitely brighten up.”

19. “All diseases come from nerves. Stop being nervous and everything will work out!”

The implication is: “I want to believe that health will return to you, I want there to be more joy and peace in your life.”

One can hear: “I don’t want to delve into what’s wrong with you, I believe that what’s happening to you is not serious and does not deserve attention. I'm not interested in your life situation. The fact that you got sick is your fault, because you have the wrong attitude towards life, but I know how to approach life correctly.”

Instead: “I understand that illness adds a lot of uncertainty and stress. Would you like to tell us what is stressing and worrying you now? Maybe by telling us something will become clearer, and we can figure out something to do about it?”

20. “You should go to a psychotherapist, would you like me to give you the phone number of a friend?”

The implication is: “I see how bad you are, and I really want you to feel better, I want to help, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to cope myself or will make things worse, so I want to attract as many help resources as possible.”

You can hear: “I don’t want to listen to you, I’m bored, your problems are too terrible, they destroy me, I run away and get rid of myself. They will pay attention to someone like you only for money (and it doesn’t matter to me whether you have it or not).”

Instead: “I understand that you are going through a difficult period right now. You are my friend, and what happens to you is very important to me. Let’s talk, hopefully this will help in some way – and if we feel like it’s not helping much, we’ll try to figure out what else we can try to make you feel better, yeah?”

Betrayal

Friend

* * * A person who betrayed love can find an excuse, but a person who betrayed friendship cannot! Draw the right conclusions and learn to live without this person. * * * Pull yourself together and understand that a true friend could not do this to you! Dry your tears and start singing! * * * They say that true friends cannot be replaced, your friends easily replaced you. The conclusion is that there were no “real” ones. Everything is ahead, believe me!

* * * I wonder what your former best friends are doing now, probably talking bad things about you to the people they used to say bad things about. You don't need people like that. You are better, and communicate with the best!

Colleagues

* * * Life provides us with experience in the form of communication with different people. Seasoned and not so, good or bad. Learn from this and move on with your life. Now you are one situation more experienced! And that's a plus! * * * Let this only be a good lesson for you, and not suffering. Draw conclusions about this person and communicate with him only about work. * * * The main thing is to remain human in this situation, do not act out of spite. * * * Don't stoop to someone else's level, and don't let other people drag you down.

Relatives

* * * You will now calm down, because you have already been given the full measure of our sincere sympathy. And now there is no time to cry, the matter is waiting. * * * I understand that it’s hard to realize his betrayal, but now you see who surrounds you. And you can change this by communicating only with the worthy.

How to comfort someone: phrases you shouldn’t say

Sometimes “comforting” words have exactly the opposite effect. Therefore , before you start consoling your family or friends, you need to think more than once. Sometimes, when looking for how to support a friend, we make big mistakes.

Here are some bad phrases. The most common of them, “Everything will be fine,” is not suitable for consolation. How do you know what will happen? You don't have clairvoyance.

You shouldn’t ask the routine question “Are you okay?” How can a person be okay when he has troubles or grief? The question is simply inappropriate and is more likely to cause aggression or irritation.

It’s even worse if you say to a person in trouble: “This is just a nightmare!”, “This is so terrible! " What can such words cause, besides negative emotions?

Words like be strong, take heart, pull yourself together will not console a person either. How can he be courageous if he is in grief and everything is falling out of his hands? He needs to speak out, talk about his problems, difficulties, pain.

If you say something like: “Calm down, it’s not the end of the world ,” this means that you are devaluing the emotions of your interlocutor. If they don’t mean anything to you, then maybe the person himself is not important?

“You know, I had a worse situation” - this phrase can strike the interlocutor on the spot. Yes, you may have experienced a truly worse situation. But this doesn't matter to your friend. He needs not comparisons, but consolation and help.

Situations vary. But to the person to whom “this” happened, it really seems like the end of the world has come. Even if everything doesn’t look so terrible from the outside, you must be able to show empathy and support your friends and loved ones.

Dismissal

In your own words

* * * Every finish is the start of something completely new. Everything will be as it should be. Even if it turns out differently. * * * I understand how difficult it is for you now. But hold on, you are strong, you will succeed. * * * If you want to discuss something, you can always count on me. * * * Everything will definitely be fine. Everything will end well, and if it’s not good yet, then it’s not the end. * * * You are a good worker, you still have everything ahead of you! * * * Everything will work out, you will find your dream job, most importantly, take care of your health. * * * I can’t go through this for you. But I can live through this with you. And together we can do everything. * * * Chaos and troubles precede great changes - remember this. * * * Most likely, the problem will not disappear in 24 hours. But in 24 hours your attitude towards this problem can change. Let's change this together. You can always count on my help.

In verse

* * * “She has no chance,” circumstances declared loudly. “She’s a loser,” people shouted. “She will succeed,” God said quietly. * * * You will win - I know for sure. You will get through everything - I believe in it. And you will not be bent or broken by blows and losses. Let it be smooth only on paper - Although there are many trials, You will overcome them all step by step! Through thick and thin!

How to support a woman

Women are very emotional by nature. Any of their grief, as a rule, is accompanied by rivers of tears. And this is good - negative emotions that find a way out do not destroy the body.

Get ready to be a vest for your wife, girlfriend or girlfriend for some time. Let her talk it out and have a good cry. Don't interrupt or be distracted, make it clear that you care about her grief.

Representatives of the fair sex need tactile contact more than men. Friendly hugs sometimes work better than any words. You can take the girl by the hand, pat her on the head, offer your shoulder. Just watch the response. If she pulls away, maintain a comfortable distance.

One medicine always works for all girls - shopping. But only if the scale of the problem is not too large. If, for example, someone close to her died, she found out that she has cancer and is in the hospital before surgery, then there is no time for shopping.

If you want to better understand male and female psychology and relationships between the sexes, read our selection of books on relationship psychology.

Accident

In your own words

* * * Honey, you will get better and soon we will be running to discos :) * * * Everything will be fine, it’s no one’s fault that this happened! * * * The Guardian Angel protects you, because he gave you a chance to live. * * * Nothing terrible happened, everyone is alive, and this is the most important thing. * * * I’ll come to you for tea, bring cookies and heal you :)

In verse

People, cherish every day, Cherish every minute. We only live once on earth, Rejoice, morning has come again!

God gave life and blessed us, so that we could walk the righteous path. It’s not in vain that He instilled a soul in us, To ask later, beyond that threshold.

We must live, love, help each other, it cannot be otherwise. And for this - God's grace, And you will become richer spiritually.

The years will fly by unnoticed, Rejoice and enjoy life! Don’t be stingy with kind words, make everyone happy and smile more often!

Animal death

Briefly in your own words

* * * Sorry. It's like losing a loved one. I understand you. Everything will be fine, hang in there. * * * Just believe that your dog is there, invisibly nearby. * * * I understand how you feel, time will pass and you will feel better. * * * You've had worse situations. And nothing, you did it! And you can handle it, I’m sure! * * * Everything will be fine! We will get through this together. * * * I see how dear he was to you, but continue to live.

Read also…. Why do women cheat on their husbands?

Find out and help a person who is feeling bad. For him, this is the same as losing a loved one.

Depressed

In your own words

* * * Take my word for it that there is something to live for. You're just closed to it now. Time will pass, and life will gain color. Believe me, faith will help this fact happen faster. * * * Remember, it won’t always be like this. We'll still laugh out of this together. * * * Life is not suffering. It's just that you suffer from it, instead of living and enjoying it. Remember this whenever sadness wants to take over you. * * * Most people are as happy as they allow themselves to be. Give yourself permission to be happy.

In verse

Or maybe just get up on the other foot, And instead of coffee, take and drink juice... And turn your usual steps In the direction where it will be more useful...

And on this day, do everything wrong: Put numbers from end to beginning, And fill the most insignificant trifle with good and high meaning.

And do something that no one expects, And laugh where you cried so much, And the feeling of hopelessness will pass, And the sun will rise where the rain was dripping.

From the circle created by fate, Take it and jump out at the unknown station... You will be surprised - the world is completely different, And life is more unexpected and more interesting.

Motivating

In your own words

* * * The fate of a person who sits still does not move. Go for it, I believe in you! * * * You cannot change the direction of the wind, but you can always raise the sails to achieve your goal. * * * There is no point in looking for a place where you will feel good. It makes sense to learn how to create it well anywhere... * * * Remember that when you really want something, the whole Universe will help make your wish come true.

In verse

Look into your eyes again. Fly forward again. You can't just go back. Everything that has passed does not count.

And it's easy to let go. Believe: movement is life. The past is far away, Just don't look back!

The importance of supporting a man with words in a difficult situation

It is important for any person that the family is strong and everyone in it feels happy. A woman must study and understand the psychology of a man in order to understand how to behave in a relationship. In childhood, your current companion was supported by his mother; when he got married, this responsibility passed to his wife.

The care and attention of a beloved girl is pleasant to any representative of the stronger sex. Every man has talents and abilities, it is important to recognize and celebrate this. A woman can inspire her husband to achieve his goals. The wife should know how to support a man with words. If a person is only criticized, he will not have the desire to achieve anything in life.

In the eyes of some women, men look like superheroes, capable of defeating all enemies and protecting their beloved from any trouble. Other representatives of the fair sex play the role of a mother, overly protective and pitying their spouses. It is necessary to realize that a man is a person with his own strengths and weaknesses; first of all, he needs understanding.

In different life situations, a spouse needs support from his wife. These could be the following:

job loss;
loss of a large sum of money;
betrayal of a friend;
death of a loved one;
quarrel with parents.

Show attention, listen to your spouse, thus proving your love. All cases require an individual approach.

To my beloved girlfriend/wife

In your own words

* * * My beloved, everything will be fine, you are strong! I'm always there, remember that! * * * Honey, you can always rely on me! * * * Remember: we invent our own problems, obstacles, complexes and frameworks. Free yourself - breathe life and realize that you can do anything. I love you and that's all that matters. * * * You are the best woman for me in the whole world, remember that. Smile and never be sour.

* * * Darling, there will always be people who will hurt you. You need to continue to trust people, just be a little more careful. * * * The secret of happiness, my dear, is to enjoy every little thing and not be upset by every stupid thing. * * * You are the best man in the world. And for the best, everything will be fine. You just need to be patient a little. Remember - sugar is at the bottom. In the meantime, you have me, and we can handle it.

In verse

* * * If only, darling, I could, In a moment when it’s so hard for you, I could put two wings under your tired wing. If only I could clear the clouds over you, so that you would forget all the worries of the day and peace would return again. It's a pity, but I'm just a woman - not God, I'm with you in my heart, and you hold on. So that you can withstand the storm, I pray quietly for your life. * * * Who is it that hangs his nose so low? Who is sad for no apparent reason? I want you to be cheerful again, don’t come up with stupid things! Let your mood soar, Look at the colors in life again! Happiness awaits ahead, Well, quickly give me a smile! * * *

There is no point at any point.

And a glass for success ahead.

Losing weight friend

Darling, from today your life will change dramatically. Having taken this difficult step, you declared vogue to all your shortcomings that made you feel shy. Get ready, there will be a lot of pain, nerves and irritation ahead. However, these are only side effects that will be replaced by joy, self-confidence and a beautiful body. Remember - beauty requires sacrifice, so sacrifice your shortcomings for a bright future!

Damn, how smart my beloved friend is. You need to be desperately brave to decide to do this. I fully support you and will always be by your side. Do not pay attention to failures or the words of spiteful critics, there is no escape from them. You have a dream, so take long strides towards it with your head held high. Let the whole world be amazed by your persistence!

I have no words to express my admiration for you! You always manage to surprise me, but this step was simply discouraging. You have great potential and inner strength, so you can handle this path. The main thing to remember is that our bodies are luggage and the heavier it is, the shorter the journey will be. Regardless of the result, remember - I am proud to call you my friend!

Now I see that my friend has a dream that will require a lot of effort to achieve it. But this should not frighten you, since I will accompany you on this journey. Therefore, it is unknown which of us will have a more difficult time. In any case, your decision deserves respect. Now we will have a motto - we eat to live, and don’t live to eat! Just let's start not from tomorrow, but right now.

To a friend

In your own words

* * * This world is yours, just always remain yourself! * * * Remember that you will remain a winner in any situation. * * * Any problem must be met with a smile. The problem will think that you are stupid and will run away :) * * * Tomorrow the one who reads this SMS will find his happiness :) * * * Until tomorrow comes, you will not understand how good you had today. Therefore, believe in the best and don’t give up. You are the best friend in the world! * * * You, the best and most faithful friend, I am very glad that I have you.

In verse

* * * When a tear drips from pain... When the heart beats from fear... When the soul hides from the light... When life is torn apart from grief... You sit quietly in silence... Close your eyes, and realizing that you are tired... Tell yourself in private... I will happy! Through thick and thin! * * * Each of us has a breaking point, When our hearts become heavy, When it seems to us that we are falling off a cliff, And life becomes like a black spot... Each of us has a ray of hope, And someone very close and dear He won’t let you fall into the abyss, And he will say: “Don’t be afraid, I’m with you!” * * * Smile! There is no place for sadness in such a beautiful and young soul. After all, to be honest, there is no point in us being sad at any point. Every day is filled with new happiness, And a glass to the success ahead. You are capable of a lot in life, just believe, don’t give up and wait!

To my dying friend

My sunshine, it is unbearably painful for me to realize that the days of our friendship on this earth are coming to an end. My heart stops every time I think that one day I will come here and you will no longer be there. However, I will have a memory that will preserve every moment of our friendship. Soon you will set off on a journey that has no end, but I ask you - wait for me. One day we will join hands again and walk joyfully through the vast expanses of the universe.

In these difficult moments, I can’t bear to imagine my life without you. They say that a person leaves only when he has fulfilled his destiny. My dear, you made this world a better place, showed us that there are simple things in the world that make us happy. Soon you will go to a world where there is no more pain, death or meaningless waiting. Sorry we couldn't do anything.

Lately, I have been constantly remembering our meeting. She changed my life dramatically and I will be forever grateful. Look outside the window - everything you see belongs only to you. This endless space will settle in your heart forever, and you will leave with a smile of relief after a serious illness. Promise that you will wait for me, so that eternity will unite us in the eternal dance of life.

It is unbearably painful for me to realize that soon I will be completely alone. However, my memory and my heart will always be filled with you. Your laughter will forever live in my soul, and my heart will be filled with happy moments. Remember how fun and carefree we spent our days. My beloved girl, go calmly and know that now eternity belongs only to you.

To the military

In your own words

* * * You are doing a great job - protecting your homeland! You are strong, may your guardian angel always be by your side! * * * I am proud of you, you are my protector! I am warmed by the thought that we will meet soon and be together. * * * Darling, you are strong, you can handle it! Remember that my thoughts are always with you! We will meet soon, remember that. * * * For me, a military man is an example of courage and strength. Therefore, you have no right to give up; life has awarded you a worthy position, which is already in your blood. I believe in you! You are the best!

In verse

* * * Forget everything, don’t fall low. Be brave, rejoice, dream. Don’t take everything too personally, and don’t take it at all. Words are just someone's opinion, They don't mean anything. Be strong in battle, and change your decisions at the call of your heart. * * * There were problems, there are and there will be, There is no need to suffer because of them, There are films, books, people around - There will be something to occupy yourself with. Learn to learn from mistakes (Of course, it’s better to make others’ mistakes). And don’t be ashamed of your full bumps, Life is like that, where would you be without them? Be a positive person, Love people, love yourself, Fill your life with cheerful laughter, Take a deep breath and...live! * * * Our whole life is just one moment, Dependent on us. And from diapers to wrinkles there is a bridge as long as “now”. And we, then remember about Yesterday, Then we want to wait for Tomorrow... But heaven has its own game... Seven rules and reasons. Live without violating them, To save your soul. When the war ends, they will begin to appreciate you... There is no need to look for logic, After all, you may not have time to kiss your loved ones, And sing the song of your heart...

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Any friendship sooner or later has to undergo a test of strength. And often the most important test comes when one of your friends needs help. But sometimes it’s so difficult to find the right words of support...

The reason can be anything! A friend fell hopelessly in love or, conversely, broke up with her boyfriend. She's in trouble at school or has had a big fight with her parents. In the end, she just has the blues and seasonal depression. Can you support her and really help her? What is the right thing to do in this situation and find words of support for your friend?

Why do you and I need all this?

Image from istockphoto.com
I'm trying to figure out how I can better behave so that I can support my loved ones living with chronic illnesses without offending them with some faux pas; and how can I behave better when someone is trying to support me, but I find it difficult to perceive the words that the person said as supportive. To figure out how this can be done, I think, read and ask, and share with you the results of these researches. If they help you with something, support you, I will be very happy.

As Arthur Frank wrote in At the Will of the Body, “Genuine caring exists where there is recognition of difference.” Of course, ambiguous statements are not always interpreted in the worst way. A lot depends on the state of the listener and what kind of relationship he has with the speaker.

Of course, the alternative options for words of support that I list are not always suitable for everyone. People are different, situations are different. This material is not a “recipe guide”, but rather a springboard from which you can start; this is a reason to look for and formulate what is right for you. In many cases, simply speaking a good intention is a very supportive option.

My greatest hope for this post is that it may become easier to discuss what is difficult to discuss, and that people who are already ill because of illness will end up feeling less socially isolated. Because it makes people feel much worse.

Listen

Learn to listen without interrupting. It is very important for an upset person to talk about the problem in detail. Try not to be skeptical, even if you think her problems are trivial. What is completely unimportant for you may be fundamental for her. Everyone has their own value system, so imagine yourself in her place - with her character traits and attitude to the world. Your attentive attitude to her situation is in itself important to her.

Don't discount your friend's feelings. If she's worried, it means it's really important to her.

Help me find the right way out

Every problem must have a way out. Discuss different scenarios and think about how you can influence them. One head it's good, but two better. Perhaps the upset girlfriend simply hasn’t thought about what to do yet. Your task is to let her understand that she needs to think about further steps and look for a way out of the current situation, and not sit, shedding tears over something that cannot be changed. How can I do that:

Take a piece of paper and write down the essence of the problem.
Now write down all the pros and cons of what happened (more attention, of course, needs to be paid to the pros).
Write down what can be done to improve the situation.

Once you have a clear plan, there will be no point in worrying.

How to support a person in difficult times: 8 tips from psychologists

When a person feels bad, he wants to feel supported. What can be done to make a loved one feel real help?

Curb your curiosity. If something happens to friends or family, don’t call them out of curiosity. After all, we often want to know everything down to the smallest detail. But it’s hard enough for people. Why bother them again? No need to call and ask to keep you updated on events. If you want to support, write. They will answer you if they deem it necessary.
Try to imagine yourself in the place of a person in trouble. Then you will immediately lose the desire to find out all the small details of what happened and give useless advice like: “You need to calm down.” It is clear that it is difficult for a person to return to a stable state. The Irish have a saying that, when translated into Russian, sounds something like this: “If a person is only interested in your story, he is not your friend.” When a person is having a hard time, it is difficult for him to remember small details. Please take this into account.
Stay nearby. This is very important when your loved ones need warmth and understanding. If possible, it is better to live with him in the same house (apartment). If this is not possible, it is advisable to visit them as often as possible. If not every day, then at least 2-3 times a week. They feel bad and they should feel that someone cares about them and their troubles. There is no need to say stock phrases like: “Everything will be fine.” They are not effective when a person has lost someone or has been diagnosed with a serious illness. Just hug your loved one. Hugs speak louder than words. You can add the phrase “I’m so sorry” to express sympathy.
Try to help. But let this help be specific. When a person has a difficult situation, he always needs help. The question “Do I need help with something?” inappropriate here. A much better question is how can you help? Most often, a person needs help with housework: cleaning, preparing dinner, taking care of children. If you are able to take on at least some of the responsibilities, do so. This way you will really support him.
Organize financial assistance. Money is never superfluous, especially in difficult life situations: loss of a job, death of loved ones, serious illness. Therefore, you will be of great help to the person if you organize a collection of money and give him the collected amount. He may be embarrassed to ask for financial help himself, but when he is told that all his friends and relatives have collected money for him, he is unlikely to refuse.
Don't give advice that won't be useful. People in trouble often hear advice from loved ones like: “You shouldn’t have visited so late,” “You should have taken care of your health.” What happened has already happened. Nothing can be changed. Such recommendations only irritate. It is more correct to recommend something that will have a positive impact on the situation. For example, contacting a good doctor, offering a job if needed.
Don't give ratings . Why say: “How terrible everything is,” or “God forbid you go through something like this”? With such statements you will only escalate an already difficult situation. A person does not want to hear that his loved ones “will be better there”, or “everything is God’s will.”
Give up hypotheses and assumptions . What happened, happened. Phrases starting with “if only” are inappropriate here. “If he hadn’t driven in the rain, he would have been alive.” Are you sure that in dry weather the accident would not have happened? The current situation cannot be changed, but compassion and understanding can be shown.

Bring the situation to the point of absurdity

If you feel that your friend is ready for jokes, you can use this psychological technique: inflate the situation to the point of absurdity so that it stops seeming so terrible. For example, a friend broke up with her boyfriend and is very worried. Tell her: “My friend’s cat just gave birth to kittens, although there are only 4 of them, but that’s okay, gradually we will be able to find more. So what to do?! After all, you are already 13 years old! It's too late to start a new relationship! The only option is to have 40 cats and not think about relationships anymore.” If your friend appreciates humor, she will smile and cheer up a little. Well, if not, look for other options.

Distract yourself with something pleasant and interesting

In addition to the problem that worries her friend, there are other sides to life. Figure out how to distract her and redirect her attention to positive events:

Take her out to meet old friends.
Have a pajama party.
Take her to the cinema to see a comedy.
Go shopping together for some beautiful new clothes.
Sign up together for some cool section that will be interesting to both of you.
Find out what interesting events are taking place in your city, and be sure to take a friend to them.
Give your friend a new hobby.

Remember, any means are good to distract her.