Why is psychological violence dangerous?
Damaged self-confidence, fears, complexes, depressed mood,
even
depression
- these are the consequences of “bloodless” violence for the victim.
They are quite comparable to the damage caused, for example, by beatings. Experts have long trumpeted on every corner that psychological violence is just as destructive as physical violence. Only women who are accustomed to direct or veiled ridicule, insults, humiliation, neglect, and devaluation ignore the warnings and do not see the seriousness of the situation. “When sharing their stories, women often laugh and make jokes.
Like, just think: you came, stomped your feet, took the money - all the same, he says, you’ll go crazy,” says the psychologist.
psychological defense
manifests itself in those who are not ready to look for a way out of the current situation. The woman shared her emotions, relieved the tension - and that was all. She is again ready to endure the barbs of someone who craves power over her.
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Why is it difficult to get rid of gambling addiction on your own?
People who are addicted to games cannot control their gaming behavior. The desire to constantly be at the computer is gradually crowding out all other activities and interests. It is quite difficult to get out of psychological addiction on your own. This is especially difficult for people who do not have family and friendly support.
With serious gambling addiction, mental disorders occur in the human brain. Dependent people become emotionally unstable, they often experience psychosis if they are separated from their favorite game. In such a state, it is difficult to pull yourself together and cope with the problem. Only a qualified psychologist can help in this situation.
How to recognize a psychological tyrant
At the very beginning of a relationship, tyrants go out of their way to lure the victim into their networks. Natural charm, sweeping gestures, mind-blowing compliments - all this dulls a woman’s vigilance, and she herself does not notice how quickly she is losing control over her own life
.
From some point on, she has to live by someone else's rules
, and violating them is fraught with punishment.
“The tyrant does not accept disagreement, even in small things, so it is impossible to come to an agreement with him.
If he demands that a woman put five peas of allspice into the soup, then he will make a dressing down if one pea is missing,” notes the psychologist.
criticizes
other people's opinions that do not coincide with his own caustically and mercilessly.
Wary of scaring off the victim, the psychological rapist at first flatly denies that he is experiencing negative emotions
.
In situations where it is natural to be angry and indignant, he smiles calmly or maintains his cool. But only externally - indignation rages inside. Sooner or later, the tyrant will not be able to restrain his aggression
- and will explode, bringing down all the accumulated anger on the woman.
Any tyrant seeks to unbalance his victim, to cut the ground from under his feet - he is driven by the desire to seize power
and
take a stronger position
.
A psychological abuser often acts on the sly: having studied the weaknesses of another person, he deliberately stings them. He seems to be giving a compliment, but in reality he is trying to cause mental suffering. “A woman has a complex about being overweight and, having bought a new thing, hears from her husband: “The dress, of course, is beautiful, but don’t be offended!”
– you look ridiculous in it. What did you want? With your build, you need to choose more modest outfits,” Nadezhda Georgieva gives an example. Of course, because of a poisonous compliment, a woman wilts, and that’s all a psychological rapist needs.
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Psychological violence often goes hand in hand with economic violence. When a man strictly controls his wife's expenses
and demands to account for every penny, or
demands to leave a job
because he earns enough, or constantly emphasizes that a woman is financially dependent on him, and
devalues her domestic work
, he is, without a doubt, practicing
economic violence
. The goal is the same - to make the victim feel worthless and weak.
Wanting to remain an unshakable authority for the victim
, the psychological rapist vigilantly watches that potential “competitors” do not loom near her.
Those who can open a woman’s eyes to her unenviable position are also unbearable. That is why he does his best to prevent communication with “unreliable” friends and even relatives. “Sometimes women are forced to secretly maintain relationships with their parents and adult children,”
the psychologist sighs.
Also, the tyrant in every possible way interferes with the personal development and self-realization of the victim
.
For example, it does not allow you to obtain a higher education, improve your qualifications, or take a leadership position. He can violently protest even against a harmless hobby. “If a woman wants to learn to dance, he will do everything possible to prevent her from taking classes.
Because he is firmly convinced that his wife is driven by a base desire - “to wag her hips in front of other people’s men.” The very thought that someone might show interest in his woman is unbearable for him,” says Nadezhda Georgieva.
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It has been established that women who have been familiar with psychological violence since childhood are predisposed to relationships with a “unpugnacious” tyrant. Those who, from a tender age, have heard ridicule and bullying addressed to them and have become accustomed to the disdain of significant people
sensitivity to other people’s aggression
becomes dulled, or even completely .
That is why such women are not indignant and do not stop attempts to undermine their self-esteem
.
But there is a sure sign that your partner is a psychological abuser. These are feelings. “If after communicating with a person you
feel humiliated, crushed, unsettled, “wrong,” it is safe to assume that you have been subjected to psychological violence,”
explains the psychologist.
Where does anger come from?
Calming another person's anger is not an easy task. First you need to understand what caused it. Most often, an irritated person needs to give vent to his emotions. Perhaps he had been bullied at work not long ago, but speaking out to his boss was dangerous. Or the aggressor simply constantly suppresses his emotions, due to the fact that he is surrounded by stronger people, from a mental point of view. Any aggressor needs a victim. Someone confused and not knowing how to respond. No less than the victim, he needs a response from her. The very emotions that he will “feed” on, filling the inner emptiness. The most important thing to remember: the purpose of this performance is most often not you personally, but to obtain certain emotions from you. It is up to you to decide whether to provide these emotions to the aggressor or not.
Methods of suppression
Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths often use these methods to influence others:
- “It didn’t happen like that,” “Are you crazy?” – with the help of these phrases, the suppressive person tries to undermine your sense of reality.
- Projection. This is a sign of suppression, in which the abuser does not want to admit his negative qualities. It is expressed in such situations: a deceitful person accuses his girlfriend of lying, an envious wife says that her husband is often jealous of others, and the like.
- Pointless argument. When entering into a conversation with a narcissist, you need to be prepared for the worst, because after just 10 minutes it will turn into an inappropriate argument that will affect all aspects of life.
- Unsubstantiated statements and generalizations. Narcissists do not pay attention to arguments and opinions of various authors. Only their point of view can be correct. During an argument, it is common for them to label their interlocutor.
- Abrupt change to leave. This is done in order to avoid responsibility.
- Insults, hidden and overt threats. They can manifest themselves in the form of “innocent” jokes.
- Slander and persecution.
- Love and devaluation. First, a person swears love and fidelity. When the victim takes the bait, her humiliation and bullying begin.
- Shaming. “Aren’t you ashamed to hug in public,” says a person who is clearly jealous of the relationship.
- Control. Suppressive personalities strive to control everything so that nothing can disrupt their desired state of affairs.
Methods of personality suppression in a concentration camp
Based on materials from the article by M. Maksimov, On the edge - and beyond. Human behavior in extreme conditions, magazine “Knowledge-Power”, 1988, N 3, p. 73-79.
Source vikent.ru
The psychology of personality suppression in a concentration camp as presented by Bruno Bettelheim
Austrian psychiatrist Bruno Bettelheim, who visited fascist concentration camps, highlighted the methods of suppressing consciousness introduced there (in addition to hard physical labor).
Here is how M. Maximov retells the observations of Bruno Bettelheim:
- instilling in an adult the psychology of a child;
- chronic malnutrition;
- physical humiliation and/or constant threat of physical humiliation;
- deliberately meaningless norms and work;
- destruction of faith in one's future;
- preventing individual achievements and the opportunity to somehow influence one’s position, etc.
“A familiar scene from camp life: an SS man forces a group of prisoners to perform meaningless “exercises”: “Get up! Lie down! Get up! Lie down! You look and the hair begins to move on your head, and you are seized with animal horror. It doesn't seem to be a big deal. We are accustomed to seeing large groups of people executing commands in coordination - formation of soldiers, mass gymnastic exercises. The point, however, is that when a command is given, there is a small gap between receiving it and the start of execution—it takes time to process the command within the person. No matter how small this gap is, the observer easily perceives it. So here it is. The prisoner does not have this gap. The team instantly falls into the executive bodies.
There is no processing inside, because there is no “guts”. This creature (this is not a person) has no internal content, no personality, no soul - whatever you want to call it. You understand this with your skin - and fear squeezes you. You understand that the same can be done to you. I will further call such a creature an “ideal prisoner.” […]
The essence of the method is to instill in an adult the psychology of a child.
This shows up everywhere in the camp. Chronic malnutrition makes a person think about food all the time. Constant topics of conversation among prisoners: what they gave or will give in the canteen, what they managed to get in the camp store, steal from the warehouse, exchange for something valuable, what the SS men eat, etc. Further, in the camp there is a special, exaggerated attention to cleanliness. Prisoners are constantly checked for the cleanliness of their hands, ears, shoes, and beds. How are they punished? An adult, in front of all the honest people, is stripped of his pants and whipped with rods - a typical child's punishment. Further, the camp has a huge number of laws, regulations, instructions, regulations, and so on. Moreover, many of them are unknown to the prisoners, often contradict each other and create an environment in the camp in which every step you take is a violation.
You are always in the state of a naughty schoolboy - you always have something to punish for. As a result, an adult begins to behave like a child. In the camp, there are no strong, permanent attachments between prisoners, no real friendship. Prisoners are like children, they will quarrel, then make peace, then quarrel again. Ethical standards are childish. It is considered a merit to steal or steal something from the camp household. The camp is full of voluntary informers, although informing is not rewarded in any way, does not create better conditions, and does not save you from the gas chamber. […]
Collective responsibility
In the camp they do not punish the person who committed the crime. The entire group of prisoners in which the offender was located is subject to punishment. If the violation occurred in a barracks, the entire barracks is punished; if during work, the entire work team is punished. There were cases when the entire camp was responsible for the misdeed of one person. This method is good because it forces the prisoners themselves to ensure that everything in the camp is always in perfect order. You will not be allowed to accomplish a feat, but your fellow sufferers will not allow you to perform a deed - they will tie you hand and foot in time. A paradoxical situation - the interests of the SS men and prisoners begin to coincide. It is easy to understand that the opportunity to take responsibility for one's own actions is a strong soul strengthener, and it is unacceptable in the camp. […]
In the camp, a “background of terror” is constantly maintained, at approximately the same level: from time to time, in front of the prisoners, someone is whipped with rods, shot, or sent to a gas chamber. There's an SS man standing there. He feels that in order to maintain this background, it is time to punish someone. Who to choose when everyone is so indistinguishable - with the same haircut, wearing the same striped pajamas? Someone who stands out from the crowd in some way, that is, has still retained something of their own, individual. The power of this method is that a person, in his natural desire for security, will begin to carry out internal work to destroy his personality in order to merge with this gray-striped mass, to become indistinguishable. […]
Another scene from camp life. The SS man mocks his victim. A group of prisoners approaches the scene. About ten meters away, they all, as if on command, demonstratively turn their heads in the other direction and start jogging. The SS man stops them: “Look, this will happen to everyone who dares...”. What's going on? Everything is correct - the prisoners show the SS man that they “do not see” what they are not supposed to see, but see if they are ordered to do so. The essence of the method is the replacement of natural, spontaneous human reactions with reactions ordered: if they order, I see, if they order, I don’t see.
Why is it forbidden to wear watches in the camp? Having a watch, you know how much time is left before lunch, you can distribute your forces, plan something yourself, and, at least to some extent, manage the situation yourself. This is a special case of the general rule - the absence of information about anything in the camp. Information is not just a convenience, it is an opportunity to independently assess the situation, it is some kind of right. And in the camp a person is deprived of even the “most personal” right - the right to die. Attempted suicide was punishable by death. […]
The siren started wailing. 45 minutes - to get up, make the bed, do the morning toilet, drink a cup of warm liquid called “coffee”, and line up on the parade ground. Making beds requires special attention. Everything must have an absolutely correct geometric shape: straight corners, flat surfaces. The pillow is in the shape of a cube, the blanket, on which a symmetrical rectangular pattern is specially applied, must be folded in a manner corresponding to this pattern. And not just one bed, but a number of them in one aisle must be lined in a straight line - sometimes the SS men check the making of the beds using geodetic instruments. Now imagine a barracks, two- or three-story bunks, and on them - people awakened by a siren after a six-hour nightmare-filled sleep. The one at the top inevitably spoils everything for the one at the bottom. And if even one bed is made incorrectly, everyone will suffer. And you only have 45 minutes. There is charging, charging with enmity and hatred towards one’s own comrade, the prisoner. But the beds are finished, now it’s time to go to the toilet. Well, toilet is too strong a word. For a barracks of a thousand people - five shocks open to all winds and eyes. A queue is forming. All prisoners have stomach problems due to poor nutrition, hard work and a general nervous environment. The queue moves unbearably slowly. She begins to push the person doing the pushing with insults and ridicule. You have to be in time, because later, during work, if you get caught, you will have to go to the SS man and, turning into a child, beg him for permission to go to the toilet. Having mocked you enough, he may allow it. Or maybe it won’t be allowed. There is a morning exercise with anger and hatred, which should be enough for the whole day.
This caustic acid, accumulating inside a person, turns against him and corrodes his being.”
Types of suppression
Moral Suppression
It is aimed at belittling human dignity. For example, the offender talks about the victim’s complexes, appearance, and tries to evoke a feeling of guilt. Sun Tzu wrote: “To subjugate the enemy to your will, hit the weak points.”
Psychological suppression
This type of influence is accompanied by physical torture. First, the victim is beaten, pushed, and then psychological violence is applied. It is often associated with the following words: “If you don’t want it good, it will be bad,” after which intimidation begins.
