A very large number of people around the world are concerned about the issue of polygamy. Moreover, this applies not only to men, but also to women. It should be noted that the term female polygamy does not exist in science. According to statistics, the number of polygamous men in percentage terms significantly exceeds polygamous women. Many scientists and psychologists cannot figure out whether to consider this a problem or a mere excuse. Polygamy and monogamy are observed not only in humans, but also in animals, even flowers. So, polygamy among men – what is it?
What is male polygamy
What is polygamy
Polygamy is a form of family relationships, which is characterized by the presence of several official love partners for one person. To put it simply, this is polygamy or (less commonly) polyandry. Polygamy involves one person having multiple partners of the opposite sex.
A distinctive feature of polygamous relationships is that they are officially registered. This means that having multiple intimate relationships with multiple partners is not polygamy. Also, polygamy cannot be equated to a succession of marriages and divorces with different partners.
In simple words about the complex
The word polygamy itself hides many concepts. If you turn to the dictionary, it becomes clear that polis (πολύς) in Greek means many, and γάμος means marriage. As a result, we get something like polygamy or polygamy.
But the concept of marriage was created by human civilization, therefore polygamy in nature should be understood as the presence of two or more sexual partners in one individual. Each species of animal has its own system of “personal relationships”. The emperor penguin, wolves and swans choose one partner for life, but lions are bright representatives of polygamy, and polyandry too.
So people who are characterized by a tendency to have several relationships at once should be called polygamous. Accordingly, they lack the concept of loyalty to one single person. Nowadays there is an opinion that nature instilled monogamy in girls, and a polygamous man is also the result of the work of natural mechanisms. But this rumor is quite difficult to confirm. We will examine the issue of polygamy and monogamy in detail in the article at the link.
Research in recent years has hinted that the desire to connect your life with one or more partners depends on the presence of certain genes, which means that to create a harmonious family you need to find a person with identical views on life, or genes if you will.
History of polygamy
Polygamous families began to appear because people took their cues from animals:
- dolphins show signs of attention to several females at once (in addition, they mate not only within their own species, but also with other amphibians);
- during estrus, a female rabbit mates with several males;
- the female antelope cannot be called picky in deciding the issue of procreation;
- The marsupial mouse mates with several males at once.
Polygamy among people originated in Greece. In ancient times, polygamous marriages were concluded between people belonging to the upper class. In almost all countries of the world, polygamous marriages were not empty words; they were given important political and economic significance.
During the primitive communal system, many countries practiced male polygamy, since this form of love relationship made it possible to quickly increase the population in a particular city. According to community traditions, the head of the clan had the best qualities, so he was the first to begin impregnating women. It was believed that the strongest offspring would come from the head of the clan.
People's ideas about an ideal marriage were formed on the basis of cultural trends, philosophical views, and legal documents in force on the territory of the state. In ancient times, they were influenced by patriarchy and harsh living conditions.
In China and Polynesia, for many centuries there was a belief that polygamy of men (a man’s personal predisposition to multiple sexual contacts) is the only way to preserve their potency. The attention of several wives provided the man with spiritual comfort.
In Egypt and India, kings surrounded themselves with several women, but among the common people in these countries, polygamous families were very rare.
Additional information: Polygamy was replaced by monogamy when many countries came under the influence of Western European culture. The restructuring of the institution of marriage began with globalization in Rome.
Transition from polygamy to monogamy
As evolution developed, more stable and strong ties began to arise between individual representatives of different tribes. There were even the beginnings of marriage. However, they continued to rely on polygamy. There could be any number of women next to the husband, but the wife, in case of betrayal, risked being stoned. By the way, it was in this version that harems were born.
Over time, problems began to arise with the division of property. The solution was very simple: since it was men who dominated society, the male child also had to inherit everything. In order not to leave all the property acquired over a long life to someone else’s offspring, the head of the family had to be sure of his paternity. This raises the question of paternity. Today, this problem is solved literally in a couple of hours - the child and parent undergo special tests, and then find out the result almost instantly. So the only option was monogamous marriage.
Religions have played an important role in the strengthening and development of monogamous marriage. In parallel, purely human relationships developed: in addition to the natural instinct to continue one’s own species, affection and feelings began to play a role.
Causes of polygamy
Psychologists believe that the reasons for polygamy are:
- cultural traditions of a particular country;
- religious views;
- social foundations of society;
- deficiency of maternal affection and love in childhood;
- a man’s lack of emotional ties and trusting relationships with his mother;
- the desire of men and women to satisfy their needs in full;
- love;
- temperament;
- an attempt to assert oneself, solve psychological problems through intimate relationships with several partners;
- pathological self-esteem (overestimated or underestimated);
- a person’s reluctance to compromise, make a choice, make a decision;
- the confidence of polygamous people that polygamy will help them maintain physical health;
- the desire to survive and prolong the family line in war and post-war conditions;
- wealth and wealth of a man;
- a man’s desire to show his dominance and superiority.
Asya Rakhovich
Psychologist with more than 8 years of experience. Consultant on interpersonal and marital relationships, self-discovery.
Ask a Question
Is it worth fighting against a man's polygamy?
As we can see from what was stated earlier, polygamy is a response to something: either a social attitude, or personal problems. Is it worth and possible to fight the reaction? Of course not. This will only lead to better disguise of relationships on the side. After all, it is impossible to fight it without solving the main problem. But it’s worth solving the root cause in order to finally understand how wonderful it is to have a harmonious relationship that pleases and inspires you, and which you don’t want to change for anything.
Well, the natural determinism of male polygamy should be left for those who feel themselves at the level of an animal, and not a strong-willed and reasonable person. After all, if nature gave us the opportunity to eat food, we don’t burst from the fact that we try to eat an elephant in one go.
But there are situations when it is difficult for a man to agree to psychotherapy. He has already built such a strong “protective shell” that he has no desire to dig up old grievances and problems. He is fine". And here the woman has to decide: whether to maintain such a relationship, or think about her experiences.
>Polygamy in men: features, advantages and disadvantages
Are men polygamous and women monogamous?
If previously it was believed that every male is polygamous, today scientists have refuted this statement. There is a logical explanation for this. Polygamous relationships are usually divided into polyandry and polygamy. This is proven by the fact that not only a polygamous man can have several wives, but also a woman can build a family with several husbands.
A polygamous marriage is often created by a man, surrounding himself with the attention and care of several wives at once. But there are also examples of such a choice among women, which in sociology is called polyandry (polyandry). The same thing happens in animals: there are polygamous males, and there are females with the same preferences.
It cannot be said that by nature all men are polygamous and women are monogamous. This form of marriage as a polygamous family is chosen not only by men, but also by women.
History - origins from the animal world
A person largely explains his behavior, state of health and body by his animal origin, and draws parallels with the natural world.
For many decades, people admired the monogamy of swans and storks and adopted this model of behavior as an example of pure and bright love. However, modern research shows that the relationships between animals and birds cannot be considered monogamous.
In the wild, unions are always concluded “of convenience”; there is no place for fidelity, devotion, or high feelings in them. The polygamous relationship of animals is due to the fact that the male must pass on his genes to as many females as possible.
Fidelity to a partner, which is practiced in human society, is extremely rare in birds and animals, in about 5% of cases.
Does monogamy exist in animals?
All animals and birds are prone to relationships outside their pair. Wild geese are considered monogamous. Monkeys and wolves are able to form pairs for several years or more, but this does not mean that these animals are completely monogamous.
Polygamy in men
Male polygamy is a man’s need to produce numerous offspring. Previously, this behavior ensured rapid population growth. And now, in the attraction to this form of marriage and family relations, psychologists see a man’s desire to prove to others his success. Behind this desire is an inferiority complex or the desire to compensate for the imperfections of one partner.
Polygamy of men
Some researchers consider the tendency towards polygamy to be a natural instinct of men, but what should prevail: the call of nature or the ability of a person to subordinate instincts to his will? In addition, modern polygamous males strive to satisfy their intimate needs with several women, rather than pursue the goal of numerous procreation.
Polygamous men say that each wife is unique, and together they give an amazing feeling of harmony. What one woman doesn’t have in her character, another woman has. The same applies to figure imperfections.
Factors7
There are also a number of factors that incline a person to one of the types of relationships:
- Religious canons. The influence of faith on marriage can be seen in the examples listed above. Thus, Christians prefer to marry one girl, and Jews have a rule that obliges the brother of a man killed in war to marry his wife.
- The influence of society - if a guy at work is told stories about how his married colleague “had a great time on the weekend with his girlfriend,” a corresponding image of a “real man” begins to form in his head.
- A boy who grows up in a single-parent family will be predisposed to create similarly dysfunctional families. In practice, it will be easy for him to leave his wife and go to another. But proper education can smooth out this moment.
In fact, it will be difficult to persuade an intelligent representative of the male half of the population to make a choice. He himself is able to decide how many women he wants to connect his life with, and no stereotypes or beliefs will change his choice.
Polygamy in women
If there is a justification for polygamy, then polyandry has no such justification. A woman’s desire to acquire several husbands has always been condemned, so it is not customary to talk openly about polyandry.
Psychologists suggest that polyandry is caused by a girl’s desire to find a more promising man to reproduce good offspring. Experts see a connection with feminist views in a woman’s desire to have several husbands.
However, there are countries where polyandry is legal:
- southern regions of India;
- Tibet;
- China;
- Nepal;
- South America;
- certain areas of Africa.
Frateral polyandry in these countries is due to the difficult economic situation and the lack of possibility of equal division of material wealth between brothers. Therefore, parents choose a common wife for their sons. Children born in this union are common; all the woman’s husbands treat them with equal warmth.
Polyandry is explained by the desire of the family to preserve their lands, therefore this form of marriage and family relations is more characteristic of the privileged class. Among the aborigines, unions are more often concluded between one woman and one man, because they have no agricultural wealth, brothers have nothing to share.
Examples of female polygamy include the following situations:
- If a woman is not officially married, her polyandry can be considered as an experimental search for the most successful option for marriage. In addition, it is not necessary that her goal is to find an ideal husband. She can explain her behavior by freedom and independence.
- A mature lady whose children have already grown up, and her husband has stopped satisfying her in bed. In this case, she finds another partner who is much younger than her in order to improve her own women's health.
- A young woman has several men who play different roles in her life. She needs one of them, because with him she feels real pleasure in bed, the other is the father of her children, the third is needed so that she will not be ashamed to go out into the world.
Polygamy in women
The social component of this view
“Men don't dance.
They constantly want to start new intimate relationships, drink vodka, eat fatty meat, change cars, watch football...” That’s it? Or is there another list of what a “real man” “should want”? Our society loves to hand out templates. And if a man (or woman - it doesn’t matter) strives to correspond to them not because he really wants to, but because it is “necessary” and “right” - this is a huge internal problem. Personality is formed not as a separate unit, but as a small speck from a mountain of sand, like a cog. In principle, this kind of “cookie cutter” life is often used in totalitarian societies, where a person is told what he should think, feel and do. Why is this catching on? Because living according to a template actually removes personal responsibility. After all, I’m not like that, life is like that. And all men are polygamous, but I do not have the will to control and morality. But there is another point. Positioning and actually doing are two different things. If you remember the old joke, when one man complained about a decrease in potency, “but Ivan, at eighty, tells what miracles he works.” What did the knowledgeable doctor say to this? “And you tell me!” That is, it is important for a man to have status and weight in society, to be accepted and respected. Therefore, he can position himself as polygamous, communicate easily and warmly with the fair sex, make acquaintances and... return to one permanent partner.
There is also a purely Slavic version of social background - early marriages with the birth of children. Our culture still has a hard time accepting thoughtfulness and responsibility for our actions. The peak of sexual need in men is not always associated with planning for future life. And the same society pushes very young girls to “desire to get married.” So such novels end with the birth of a child. The woman is immersed in other worries, and the man simply begins to miss her as a sexual partner. Of course, if there is a person who can give advice or an authority who is able to instill some moral principles and standards of behavior, that’s one thing. But this is hard work on yourself. And if the new dad is still a child himself, then what kind of work on himself can we talk about? He is simply psychologically not ready for responsibility. So it turns out that under the banner of polygamy for men, the wife goes to the maternity hospital, and the husband goes to a new relationship.
Types of polygamy
Polygamy is traditionally divided into the following types:
- polygyny - polygamy (one man has several official wives);
- polyandry - polyandry (one woman has several official husbands);
- sorority marriage (a man marries his sisters);
- Swedish family (a group marriage in which several men and women live together and have a common household, or several married couples exchange partners for sex)
Swedish family
Polygamy in the modern world
This form of marriage and family relations as polygamy in the modern world accounts for 10% of all marriages. It is believed that a polygamous man is not capable of the fidelity with which monogamy is associated.
However, researchers of the institution of family and marriage put forward the hypothesis that monogamy has outlived its usefulness as a form of marital relations. If this is not so, then why in the modern world the number of divorces exceeds the number of marriages? In addition, betrayal is often a reason for divorce. A man is polygamous by nature, and female polygamy has its advantages. Maybe polygamy will solve the problem of adultery?
Sociologists today include simple cohabitation as this form of marriage relationship. Researchers are alarmed by the fact that more and more girls and young people prefer open relationships without obligations, refusing to tie the knot. Also an alarming bell is the fact that young people practice partner exchange: geneticists have proven that such behavior threatens a healthy gene pool, because such connections spoil male chromosomes.
In the modern world, polygamous relationships are prohibited in most countries. But this form of organization of family and life is preserved today in Muslim countries. For example:
- in the UAE;
- in Afghanistan;
- in Saudi Arabia;
- in Algeria;
- in Brunei;
- in Guinea;
- in Egypt;
- in Senegal;
- in Tanzania;
- in Pakistan;
- in Nigeria;
- in Syria;
- in Myanmar.
In Australia and Oceania, polyandry is enshrined at the legislative level, which is explained by the matriarchy of these countries.
Regulatory documents regulating the creation of a family in different countries mostly promote monogamy. Polygamy is officially prohibited by almost all Eurasian countries, as well as Western states.
Psychologists are against polygamy. After all, a polygamous person does not experience a real emotional connection, which occurs only in a couple. A polygamous male is driven by natural instinct.
How to rehabilitate a polygamous man
If a woman finds out that her chosen one is having an affair on the side and is generally inclined towards polygamy, then she will not be able to perceive this as something natural. A rare representative of the fair sex will decide to change the current situation, believing that it is simply unrealistic to influence a partner. However, male polygamy can be fought:
- Trusting relationship. If there really is a trusting relationship between the spouses, then the woman may well influence her life partner. For a man who truly loves his wife but is having an affair, the risk of being discovered is a rather painful moment. He may well want to be faithful to his legal wife, but due to certain features, he is simply not able to change himself. In this case, the wife will have to become even closer to her husband, support him in difficult situations, and listen to his opinion. In general, to show that she alone is capable of combining all the most valuable qualities.
- Constant work on yourself. To ensure that the husband does not have a reason to look for a relationship on the side, a woman should not relax after marriage. She must be a good housewife, a reliable friend and a passionate and inventive lover. The most common mistake of almost any young wife is that after receiving a stamp in her passport, she stops paying due attention to her appearance. Nothing will push a man faster to the idea of immersing himself in pleasures outside the family nest than a slacker appearance.
Important
A woman is most often guided by the mechanism of morality and character traits. For the most part, they consider it wrong to even imagine the possibility of building relationships with several men at once. For men, polygamy is a way to feel successful and attractive to the opposite sex.
Polygamy in Islam
The traditions and customs of Islam have been carefully passed down from generation to generation for many centuries. It is on them that the approval of polygamy is based. The Koran makes all the wives of one man equal to each other. Every Islamic man, upon reaching adulthood, decides for himself what type of marriage and family relationship is suitable for him.
If a man chooses polygamy, he must treat all his children and women who are part of his family equally. A polygamous male should spend the same amount of time with each wife.
Monogamous marriage is chosen by those men who do not feel strong enough to maintain a harem and share their love among all the concubines.
Cunning men who preach Islam, not being able to support several wives, nevertheless take them. They do this to force women to work. The polygamous males themselves live off their working ladies.
What about them?
We have already found out what polygamous means. Now let's talk about the common myth that all animals are polygamous. This is far from true. Relationships between representatives of different sexes in the animal world are also built differently. For example, some birds get together only for the period of hatching eggs and hatching chicks, and the next time they look for new partners. There are arctic foxes, foxes and even some species of fish that practice an exclusively monogamous lifestyle. But, say, beavers can behave differently depending on their habitat.
It is noteworthy that in the animal world, even polygamous males try to impregnate strong, healthy females. A polygamous person, hiding behind his instincts, most likely does not even think about procreation and survival. At a minimum, in this case, he should have chosen exactly those women who could theoretically bear and give birth to healthy offspring (strong, with wide hips, and not just beautiful breasts). If this is not the case, then talk about polygamy is nothing more than empty words to justify one’s own promiscuity.
Polygamy and domestic mentality
The desire of a man to acquire several wives, as well as the desire of a woman to have several husbands, is not supported by the domestic worldview. In Russia, polygamy is prohibited, since the principles of organizing life in such a family contradict the Family Code of the Russian Federation.
In Russia, upon learning that a partner is polygamous, the second spouse feels offended and deceived. This is why adultery is becoming the most common cause of divorce in modern Russia.
The polygamous type of marriage and family relations contradicts not only the domestic mentality, but also the Orthodox religion. Therefore, from childhood, parents try to develop in their children loyalty to one chosen one.
Russians tend to be monogamous
Pros and cons of polygamous relationships
The fact that polygamous relationships exist in the world means that they have both pros and cons.
enshrined at the legislative level, polygyny allows you to quickly increase the population in a particular country;
the need for love, attention, sex is fully satisfied without the use of moral violence;
Quarrels and showdowns in polygamous families are rare.
jealousy between numerous wives or husbands, which can push people to commit crimes;
lack of emotional intimacy;
the unfavorable financial situation of several wives;
decreased female self-esteem;
personal relationships between women and men are discussed with third parties;
the subtleties of the relationship between spouses are hidden from children, as a result of which children experience distrust of their parents.
How can polygamy be expressed?
Male polygamy is not always expressed in the desire to have several wives or have mistresses.
There are several ways a man can realize his need for variety in sexual relations:
- Typically, such gentlemen enter into an open relationship, honestly warning their partner about their inclinations. And here it’s up to women to agree or not. And there are no complaints in such situations.
- Also, male polygamy can have a solution in swinging, that is, the exchange of sexual partners. This, as a rule, also happens with mutual consent.
- Sexual drift and sex without commitment also give a man the opportunity to satisfy his polygamous characteristics.
But you need to understand that although monogamy is more natural for women, there are those ladies who also like to change partners.
However, despite modern equality, men's adventures are perceived more favorably than women's. Therefore, polygamy among women is carefully hidden.
